


Michael's First Love: Dean Winchester

by penultimateaxis



Series: Green-Eyed Dean-ial Winchester [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Brother Gabriel, Bottom Dean, Breakfast in Bed, Cock Warming, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dating, Dean Has Daddy Issues, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Needs A Hug, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Dom Michael, Fluff and Angst, Good Big Brother Michael, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Dean Winchester, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pillow Talk, Pining Dean, Pining Michael, Power Bottom Dean, Protective Michael, Rough Sex, Sub Dean, Top Michael, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:49:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 232,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5030776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penultimateaxis/pseuds/penultimateaxis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael remembers his hot summer affair with Dean Winchester from a few years ago. Only Dean doesn't remember and is currently dating Castiel, Michael's baby brother.</p><p>Maybe Michael doesn't only remember, he's still crazy for the Winchester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1- Remembrance of Love

**Author's Note:**

> It's not everyone's cup of tea but I'm writing it anyway because it just popped into my head while writing "First Impressions Always Count".  
> Ever wonder why Michael hated Dean so much, well you'll soon find out. And in explicit detail.
> 
> Destiel is my One True Pair however I like thinking about fantasy AUs when Dean and Michael has history that Castiel doesn't know about. And in this case, neither does Dean. 
> 
> If you don't wanna read about Dean and Michael getting it on then turn back now. Otherwise, I'll try and write some great smut.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael was preparing dinner when he heard the Impala outside the front door.
> 
> Castiel and Dean organized a date in the last minute.
> 
> Luke reminded him of something. 
> 
> And Michael was left with an erection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend reading "First Impressions Always Count" if you wish to know the character dynamics in this story. But this story can also be read as a stand alone.
> 
> Dean Winchester in the flashbacks looked like Jensen Ackles when he was around early 20, maybe even teens while Michael looked like Chris Evans before Captain America. 
> 
> Current Michael is built like Captain America.

[](http://s79.photobucket.com/user/penultimateaxis/media/Fanfiction/27d6dd36-be22-484a-bcd8-6284b5389fa4_zpsspku3who.jpg.html)

**-Michael-**

Michael heard the Impala roar outside. He was in the middle of cutting vegetables before walking straight to the front door. When he opened it, Dean Winchester was standing on the doorstep and as always, wearing the leather jacket and denim jeans ensemble.

“Hello Dean.” Michael greeted.

“Hey…I’m here to pick up Cas.” Dean said and Michael took a step closer while Dean took a step back.

“Are you now?” Michael menacingly asked then footsteps were heard from the stairs.

It was Castiel and he ran to their direction.

“Dean! I’m sorry for being late I couldn’t get ready in time…” Castiel stopped to catch his breath.

“Castiel what is the meaning of this?” Michael asked and Castiel gave him an apologetic look.

“I am so sorry Michael but I completely forgot to tell you. I have a date with Dean tonight.” Castiel said and Michael darted them both a glare.

“Why could you not tell me this sooner? This is too sudden, I am currently preparing dinner.” Michael tried not to lose his patience. Not just yet.

“It was my fault. I told Cas I was gonna work over time but then some parts didn’t come on time so I don’t have to worry about until next week.” Dean confessed and Michael pointed the knife at him. “And that is my problem? Castiel has not even asked for my permission.”

Castiel gripped his wrist. “Michael please…” but Michael did not remove his glare from Dean.

“Leave them be Michael.” Luke emerged from the stairs and quirked a smile.

“For god sakes it’s Friday night. It’s sacrilege that Castiel is not even out drinking yet.” Luke said but Michael gave him a disapprovingly glare.

“This is not your business Luke, I will not allow you to corrupt Castiel’s virtue.” Michael sneered but Luke simply scoffed.

“As if I’m corrupting him. Why do you think lover boy’s here? They’re not just gonna go out and have dinner! That’s too boring! Castiel’s wearing black underwear for heaven’s sakes. He’s planning on giving it away tonight!” Luke pointed out while Dean and Castiel denied it but went beet red.

Michael snapped them both a look.

“Is this true?” Michael demanded answers.

“No it’s not! I’m just gonna take Cas out for dinner and a movie!” Dean answered but Michael did not seem convinced.

“I was not asking you! Castiel! Answer me!” Michael raised his voice and Castiel swallowed.

“He is telling the truth Michael. We are merely having dinner then go watch a movie.” Castiel admitted then Dean stepped forward.

“I’ll bring him back home straight after the movie. I promise.” Dean said but Michael still didn’t feel convinced.

“Oh I was just teasing Michael! You shouldn’t be so uptight! I’m sure Dean is a responsible and dignified young man. He would never do anything untoward Castiel. Won’t you Dean?” Luke asked Dean with a smile.

“No sir.” Dean replied with conviction.

“Exactly! Because if he did- I’ll help you dump his body in the ocean.” Luke patted both Michael and Dean’s shoulders.

They all exchanged looks in silent tension.

“Good! The two of you can run along now! Before Michael changes his mind!” Luke waved his hand to dismiss the couple.

“I did not-,” Michael tried to say but Castiel and Dean were already running to the Impala and bid them both good-bye.

Lucifer waved back at them then smiled at Michael.

“Our little Castiel is all grown up…” Luke said and Michael scowled.

“At least he did not grow up as rebellious as you.” Michael stated and Luke laughed.

“Ah but he didn’t grow up with a stick up his ass like you either.” Lucifer bit back but he wasn’t looking for a fight.

“I do not know why but I am afraid to rely on Dean regarding Castiel’s wellbeing. He is very much like Gabriel as much as he may not admit it.” Michael stated and Luke shook his head and made a ‘pfft’ sound.

“Oh you’re just saying that because you had a thing with him years ago.” Luke casually stated and Michael snapped him a look. His eyes were open wide while Luke grinned at him.

“What are you talking about?” Michael asked and attempted to hide his anxiety.

“Oh you should know! Remember a few years ago? When you were at that _wild_ phase? When Dean came to visit town but now he’s completely forgotten about it?” Luke pointed out but Michael gave him a quizzical look.

“Don’t be like that Mikey! I was there during the fall out and helped you! Don’t you remember?” Luke’s expression darkened then Michael felt the hairs on the back of his neck stood up.

“There we go! Now you remember! You told me never to talk about it ever again but fate is very unkind. Dean is back and currently dating our darling brother…” Luke said and gave Michael and Cheshire grin.

Michael stood frozen on the spot.

Luke patted him on the shoulder. “I’ll let you think about it for a moment. But don’t take too long! I’m looking forward to your delicious cooking!” Luke said then disappeared into the house laughing.

Michael remained standing outside as he remembered everything.

_Dean’s lips, his eyes and dazzling smile as Michael made quick work of the boys clothing and threw them at different parts of the room._

_Michael kissed the bow-legged boy’s mouth with great gusto and pushed Dean to the bed._

_Dean smiled, he always liked it rough as Michael swooped in to lap on the underside of Dean’s jaw._

_Dean moaned and groaned._

_His legs wrapped around Michael’s waist as Michael grinned from ear to ear._

_Then Michael lapped tenderly on Dean’s hard buds. It sent the younger man squirming underneath him. Michael smeared in and around Dean’s hole while he swallowed every pained gasps and pants._

_Michael pinned Dean’s hands up and kissed him again before lining his cock along Dean’s rim and pushed in._

_Dean gasped as inch by inch of Michael’s length entered him._

_Michael panted once his dick was buried to the hilt and began pulling out. Just all the way to the cockhead before he slammed back in and Dean was rendered speechless._

_He continued thrusting until Dean couldn’t string a proper sentence together. Not even a word._

_Then Dean was coming. Hot sticky mess squirted on their stomachs. Michael loved the feeling of it._

_But Michael was not finished and he thrusted again and again and again until Dean was an oversensitive mess. Writhed and pleaded for mercy but Michael wouldn’t let up._

_He knew Dean wanted this, wanted him to keep going. So he did._

_Until he buried his cock all the way in for one last thrust and came. He kept coming as he bit on Dean’s neck, his teeth didn’t break the skin however he knew it would bruise._

_Dean gasped while Michael panted and rode his orgasm inside Dean._

_Dean sighed and kissed him. He muttered sweet words to complement Michael and Michael accepted it with more kisses._

_Michael collapsed to Dean’s side but the younger man insisted that he kept his cock inside. He agreed because he knew Dean liked that feeling. Michael laid on his back while Dean straddled on top and buried Michael’s cock back inside the tight heat._

_His erection would not subside until later and before then, he knew Dean would be ready for another round._

_But for now, Dean clung onto his chest while Michael caressed his back possessively. He glanced at the bite mark which was starting to grow purple and black like all the other marks around Dean’s body._

_It let Michael know that Dean belonged to him._

“Michael! Is dinner ready?” Gabriel interrupted his thoughts and Michael snapped back into reality.

He turned around and yelled back into the house.

“Not yet! It’s almost ready!” He shouted and heard Gabriel groaned from the stairs.

Michael went back inside and tried to hide the throbbing erection confined in his pants.

Preparing dinner was going to be very difficult.

[](http://s79.photobucket.com/user/penultimateaxis/media/Fanfiction/Michael%20Novak_zpsi28xifpi.png.html)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter?
> 
> The drawing above is my profile of Michael
> 
> The structure will be quite similar in the next few chapters.
> 
> I promise there is a plot! but for now enjoy some smut.


	2. Chapter 2- Choosing Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel annoys Michael (as always)
> 
> Michael remembers his first affair with a local bartender.
> 
> You all know the one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just currently building the background of Michael's past.
> 
> The story might twist into a more dramatic turn. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.

**-Michael-**

Michael was ambivalent toward Dean and Castiel’s relationship.

After all, the Winchester wrongly accused Castiel with adultery when in fact, Castiel was merely covering for Gabriel and Sam’s secret relationship. Dean even went through drastic measures just to reach Castiel.

He went so far as to get Luke involved, although Michael knew Luke wanted nothing more than to bring him down. Consequentially, he experienced a very humiliating afternoon of drug induced arousal and ecstasy.

Michael was still plotting for a retaliation and destruction of any evidence of that incident.

He just got out of the shower when Gabriel appeared out of nowhere.

“Hello Mikey!”

Michael took a deep breath to recover from the surprise.

“How many times must I tell you never to barge into my room without knocking?” Michael sneered and Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“I did knock but you didn’t answer.” Gabriel said with a grin.

“Then you merely bypassed the whole point of knocking which is to wait for a response!” Michael snapped and decided to calm down.

“Jeez someone woke up in the wrong side of the bed this morning. Or maybe you’re just sexually frustrated? When you have a great sex life like myself, I never get cranky!” Gabriel smugly said.

“You are the most impatient and irrational person I know Gabriel. I do not think having a frequent sexual partner changed that.” Michael scoffed and Gabriel scowled.

“Sam is not a ‘frequent sexual partner’ he’s the love of my life and you’re just jealous because you don’t have anyone.” Gabriel nonchalantly said but Michael ignored it. He did not wish to satisfy Gabriel’s childish antics. He went to the closet to get some clothes.

“Speaking of which, how come you don’t have anyone Michael? I remember you used to be such a stud! They used to call you the ‘Bald Eagle’ because of that tattoo of yours.” Gabriel pointed at Michael’s lower back. “You’re good-looking but not as handsome as my Samsquatch of course and even Castiel landed himself a boyfriend-,”

Michael abruptly interrupted. “What is your point?”

“My point is…why did you stop? Boys and girls used to throw themselves at you and many of them were tough to approach and super-hot. You could have anyone you want but instead you choose to be single. I don’t get that…” Gabriel asked and Michael sighed.

“I…” Michael tried to think of a quick answer. “I had to take responsibility for your wellbeing. For all of you.”

“Bullshit. You weren’t always so perfect like you are now. Even you went through a phase when you didn’t have a stick up your ass.” Gabriel commented and Michael ignored the last part.

“I know I was too busy getting over the whole Kali thing but I know you used to so relaxed and cool about things.” Michael nodded along to Gabriel’s words but paid them no mind. Hoping his brother would drop the subject. “Also you were a massive slut.” Gabriel added and Michael snapped him a look.

“That is a bit of an exaggeration.” Michael tried not to seem offended.

“Oh but you were Mikey. If there was a perfect word to describe who you were, it would be that you humped anything that moved or let anything that moved, hump you. OH SELF FIVE!” Gabriel slapped his hands together in the air.

Michael merely rolled his eyes. As Michael inspected his closet for and attempted to look like he was searching for something, he thought about the first time he indulged in adventurous sexual behavior.

 

**-A few years ago-**

_Michael was not always the responsible eldest son of the Novak siblings._

_With Luke’s heavy defiance, Gabriel’s hyperactive pranking and Anna’s down-to-earth apathy, Michael could not keep a responsible persona forever._

He did try, oh he tried so hard. Especially for Castiel, since his baby brother was not like his other siblings and actually believed in doing what is right.

But Michael was not perfect, though he tried to be. Then Luke and Gabriel’s got into a fight over a woman and Anna threatened to run away, there was only so much that whiskey could handle.

So Michael left the house at night. He went away with the intention of returning for a few hours.

He went into a bar since he just turned 21- he was trying to get away from an emotional prison, not enter into a real one.

Once he was inside a bar, he leaned over the counter to order a few drinks. A burly scruffy man with blue eyes smiled at him and gave him his poison.

“What’s a good-looking kid like you doin’ in a place like this?” The man with blue eyes asked.

“I am merely trying to get away from my family. It would seem that my disciplining skills were faulty.” Michael said and the man laughed heartily. He had a deep and strong laugh.

“Seriously? There are people out there that still talk like that?” the man asked and Michael raised him an eyebrow. “Don’t worry about it. My name’s Benny. What’s yours?” Benny held out a hand.

“Mike. My name’s Mike.” Michael wasn’t ready to reveal his name just in case.

“Pleasure to meet ya brotha. Well let me tell you that plenty of chicks and fellas are just looking to spend the night underneath or on top of you. I know ‘cause they’re all looking at you right now.” Benny darted a look behind Michael.

Michael turned around to see practically the entire bar looking at him with hungry eyes and whispering what he assumed were profanities.

“Well that is flattering but I am not looking for anything right now.” Michael replied and Benny frowned.

“Aw that’s a pity brotha, you would have been a great catch.” Benny said with a grin.

“Thank you but for now I just need to drink.” Michael held out his glass.

“You sure I can’t persuade you?” Benny quivered a smile.

“Maybe…Perhaps but I need more of this first.” Michael raised his glass at Benny.

Benny poured him another and he drank it all.

***

 

Michael was pinned to the wall while he and Benny crushed their lips together.

They were at the back alley of the bar and Michael could admit that he was too drunk to care.

Benny kissed him on his lips then on his neck and clavicle. Michael sighed. His breath mixed with the bitter after taste of whiskey as he let Benny’s mouth plant hungry kisses all over his body. Then Benny was kneeling, unbuckling his belt and desperately pulled his underwear to his thighs to release his erection. It smacked Benny’s furry chin and the gruff man smiled underneath him.

“Damn, look at the size of this thing. Are you sure you’re not part horse?” Benny smirked and Michael chuckled.

He knew his size was above average, he’s compared it to others before. From public urinals or the school bathrooms, Michael’s dick had always been complimented but he paid it no mind.

If it functioned then it functioned.

“I’m sure.” Michael replied then Benny swallowed his length until his nose nestled on Michael’s pubes. Benny choked after bobbing his head a few times around Michael’s length. The gruff man’s throat was tight and warm; Michael was impressed by Benny’s skills. The gruff man continued to suck on the head of his cock, making sure that it remained slick with spit. But then he would lick the underside of Michael’s length, the vein pulsed and another gush of precome squirted from the tip.

From the smile on Benny’s face, he was also impressed.

The gruff man swallowed Michael again but only halfway as his hand stroked the rest of Michael’s length in coordination to his mouth. Droplets of spit smeared on his thighs and legs while Michael threw his head back and moaned. It’s been a long time since anyone had touched him and luckily he met someone like Benny, who knew what to do and how to please a guy. The gruff man began to stroke harder but not too fast. Just enough so that Michael can get to the point where he’s close to coming. He could practically feel it building up at the tip of his cock. Benny continued stroking and sucking. This time his mouth was suckling the cockhead while making sure he stroked that spot on the side of Michael’s dick which tipped him over the edge.

And it did.

Michael came with a violent groan. His come spilled inside Benny’s mouth and the gruff man continued suckling like it was milk on a mother’s breast. Though Michael was sensitive, he let Benny continue. The man remained on his knees until he’s drank every drop of Michael’s come and felt the last of Michael’s twitching hips. Michael was almost concerned that he thrusted too hard into the man’s mouth.

“Delicious.” Benny commented as he slurped the corner of his mouth.

Michael sighed in relief while Benny kept stroking his cock. It was still painfully hard.

“How was that?” Benny asked with a smile. Michael returned it with a smile. “Very good.”

“You still hard? This looks like it can go another round.” Benny pointed his dick upwards and continued stroking. Michael snickered and shook his head.

“I can usually ejaculate two or three more times.” Michael reached for his pants as Benny got up and let go of his dick.

“Well my jaws a bit sore but I know another way to get you off…” Benny suggested and Michael raised his eyebrow.

“How so?” Michael asked.

***

Michael thrusted in and out of Benny’s ass, as the gruff man had his hands on the wall. Benny tried not to moan too loud but Michael angled his cock to hit the spot which sent the gruff man whimpering before him. The sounds of their hips slapping excited Michael’s cock as it speared violently into Benny’s tight canal. Michael gripped Benny’s hips while he slammed his hips hard. Benny let his hard on thrust into nothing but more importantly his ass desperately tightened around Michael’s length.

It was becoming difficult to not come.

As soon as Michael felt the ring of muscle in Benny’s ass tighten more, he knew Benny was close. Which was fine because he was also close. He began thrusting in abandon, forgetting to keep it down but Benny made it difficult and soon the gruff man was coming, Michael got a glance of Benny’s cock painting the wall with strings of come. He was impressed by seeing the man come untouched so he thrusted harder until Benny was moaning in overstimulation and then Michael came. He came so hard, he was seeing stars. Michael kept his cock buried inside while Benny’s ass milked it.

After a few minutes, Michael pulled out and took the condom off. He found a trash can and threw it in while Benny pulled his pants up. They shared an exhausted chuckle.

“I haven’t been nailed like that in a while. You’re really something you know that?” Benny smiled and Michael blushed at the complement.

“You did all the work really. I merely tried to keep up.” Michael confessed and Benny laughed.

“And keep up you certainly did.” Benny said and grinned. “If you wanna hook up again, just come and visit my bar. I don’t mind staying overtime.” Benny winked and Michael nodded.

They part ways and Michael took a taxi home.

For the first time in a while, he fell asleep in overwhelming bliss.

_Very little did he know, it was one out of the many more to come._

***

 

**-Michael-**

“Michael? Earth to Michael?” Gabriel started snapping his fingers at Michael’s face.

The memory of that time in the alleyway suddenly felt like a faraway dream.

“Get your hands away from my face.” Michael irritatingly said.

“Jeez I think I know where Castiel got that whole staring into the distance look. You two are more alike than you think.” Gabriel twirled around and walked toward his bed.

“I could say the same about your pestilent nature as bad as Luke’s. However I choose to keep it to myself in order to protect your sensitivity.” Michael snapped back and Gabriel’s expression wrinkled.

“Hey that was uncalled for! Luke and I are very different! He’s the devil!” Gabriel yelled back and Michael rolled his eyes.

The sound of what seemed to be the Impala roared from outside the window.

Gabriel and Michael turned to its direction.

“Guess Cassie’s back.” Gabriel said and Michael sighed.

“Soon I shall begin making dinner. Please try not to disappear and visit the Winchesters without informing me. It is quite frustrating when I set your place on the table and you are not there.” Michael remarked and Gabriel frowned.

“Sorry about that Michael. I’ve been so hung up on Sam that I’ve been a dick to you. I’m really sorry.” Gabriel apologized and Michael’s eyes blew wide open.

“That is fine. I merely thought that you should know.” Michael replied while trying to believe what just happened.

“Okay then. I’m gonna go downstairs and pick on Dean. Be all protective over Cassie. Wanna come?” Gabriel asked and Michael shook his head.

“No thank you. I shall be in the kitchen if you need me.”

Gabriel pouted. “Naw don’t be like that Mikey! These are the perks of being Cassie’s older brothers! We get to threaten Dean as much as we want!” Gabriel smiled enthusiastically.

“I am afraid that I have had my share of threatening Dean. You may go and annoy him on my behalf.” Michael responded.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Ugh! I can’t believe you’ve just sunk into a whole new level of boring! Fine! I’ll go and mess with Cassie’s boyfriend while you stay boring! Okay?” Gabriel twirled around and walked out of Michael’s room while Michael sarcastically nodded along.

Michael tried not to let Gabriel’s insults get to him.

After all, Gabriel didn’t know anything about his tumultuous past.

If only Gabriel knew.

[](http://s79.photobucket.com/user/penultimateaxis/media/Fanfiction/Michael%20Nude%20Drawing1_zpsw29ml5bj.jpg.html)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not tagging Benny/Michael because I want to focus on Dean and Michael more. Besides, Michael's a stud and there's no need to tag every single sexual conquest that he's had. 
> 
> Just to confirm- Michael is gay. Unlike Gabriel and Luke, who are bisexuals, Michael prefers men more and for reasons which I will try to explore in this story. 
> 
> The NSFW drawing above is what Michael looks like with an erection, if anyone was wondering ;)
> 
> Lemme know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3- Base Desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is fourteen years old and probably doesn't know about sex, godbless his soul.  
> Luke is caring for once.  
> And Michael remembers the first time he met Dean Winchester. 
> 
> It was a messy business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter is a flashback and I'll make sure to let y'all know when the timeline changes. 
> 
> Enjoy some smut!

**-A few years ago-**

Michael couldn’t remember when was the exact moment his personality started to change.  

He spoke and acted differently to how he used to before becoming sexually adventurous. Oh sexually adventurous he was.

The amount of partners he had every weekend would put Gabriel and Luke’s conquests to shame. Each Friday night, he would meet new people, new partners to engage in debauchery.

He immersed into the scene. Guys and girls, men and women flocked around to get his attention and Michael liked it.

He liked it very much.

After a few experimentations, he realized that he preferred men over women. Which was a pity because he did enjoy some female company, but not as much as he enjoyed bending men over and pounding their ass.

Michael felt powerful. He felt wanted.

He would hook up with Benny from time to time but he clearly stated that it was for only sex and nothing more.

He didn’t want to commit to anyone. Besides he was too busy for a relationship. During the week, he had to take care of his family, well mainly Castiel since Luke, Gabriel and Anna didn’t need and want his help.

They found him intolerable rather than helpful, so he kept his distance.

He gave them free will and in return, he got his.

He did feel bad about Castiel. His baby brother was not adept to socializing with others. However he knew what was right. Castiel was righteous despite his solidarity.

It was all Michael needed to know to help him sleep at night.

Well lately it’s not the only thing that’s helping him sleep well.

A blowjob in the bar restroom or at the back alleyway could do wonders for his sleep.

Sometimes when the night got wild, he didn’t even sleep.

Right now, he just woke up at some random person’s bed with two guys snoring next to him. It was 10 AM on a Saturday morning.

He carefully slid off the bed and looked for his pants. He found them and put them on. His shirt’s buttons were missing.

Actually, he found them when his foot stepped on one.

It was a good night but it was like all the others.

Men after men, night after night. Michael may forget his responsibilities for a while but he didn’t feel satisfied altogether.

As clichéd as it sounded, there was an empty void within himself that was endless as the number of stars on a clear night sky.

Pleasure after pleasure never brought him remotely close to how Gabriel felt about that woman, Kali. Although she betrayed him, Gabriel only had eyes for her. He loved with burning passion and held nothing back. Even to the point of destroying himself.

But Michael didn’t feel that way about anyone. An orgy of men simply made the gap inside him wider. It left a stale flavor on his tongue like the sandwich Gabriel made him for breakfast.

“My my my Michael, another late night at the office? I’m starting to think that you’re having an affair. How could you do that to your poor wife who sits at home, all alone and waiting for her perfect husband to come home?” Luke laughed and Michael narrowed his eyes.

“First of all, you’re not my wife. Secondly, the thought of you as my wife disgusts me. Thirdly, you don’t sit at home all alone. I know that you slither away somewhere else to spread your venom. It just doesn’t happen to be where I go.” Michael retaliated and Luke held his hands up.

“Fair enough. Fair enough…I thought since you’re sleeping around that I wouldn’t have to put up with your uptightness. But I guess it’s all the bad sex that you’ve been having.” Luke snickered and Michael sputtered his food everywhere as Castiel appeared from the doorway.

“Bad sex?” Castiel asked innocently. “Why are you having bad sex? Michael are you sick?” tears started to build on Castiel’s eyelids. His fourteen year old baby brother probably didn’t even know what sex was.

Luke simply laughed and slapped his thigh while Michael glared at him.

“No Castiel. I am fine. Do not worry. Luke is just joking. Nothing’s wrong…” Michael turned to Luke who kept his mouth tightly formed into a Cheshire smile but Castiel didn’t look convinced.

“Are you sure you’re not sick? You haven’t been home lately and you always look so tired…” Castiel frowned and Luke grinned widely.

“Well glad you’ve noticed Castiel! Michael is actually tired because-,”

“Because I’ve been exercising more at night!” Michael interrupted Luke who kept a devilish smile on his face.

“Why would you do that?” Castiel asked and Luke leaned forward from his seat.

“Yes Michael…why on earth would you be doing something so strenuous at night? Do you get some sense of RELIEF from it? Do you exercise more than ONCE? Or TWICE?” Luke snickered and Michael threw him a death stare.

Castiel and Luke expected him to answer but he just shook his head in defeat.

“I just felt like it…for a change…” Michael was indeed too tired to argue.

Castiel tilted his head like he usually did in confusing situations. “Oh okay…I hope you take better care of yourself.” Was the last thing Castiel said before he left the room and disappeared somewhere in the house.

“Naww our precious Castiel is looking out for the eldest. Don’t you just feel awesome?” Luke rhetorically asked.

Michael sighed deeply before even answering his annoying brother. “You’ve had your fun Lucifer. Leave me alone.” He groaned and rested his forehead on his hands.

“Leave me be.” Luke said and Michael looked up.

“The old Michael would say ‘leave me be’ and I’d taunt him afterwards. But you’re not really your old self at the moment and that’s fine.” Luke paused before continuing. “Just so you know that if something’s bothering you, you can talk to us.”

Michael was surprised but nodded.

“Well because I wanna hear all the juicy gossip of course!” Luke quickly laughed but it was half-hearted.

Michael took a second to let what just happened sink in.

Luke was worried about him.

“Luke wait-,” Michael called out before Luke could leave the room.

“Thank you.” Michael said and Luke nodded.

“Anytime ‘Mikey’.” Luke grinned then left the room while Michael heard the sound of Luke’s laughter echo in his ears.

Fuck. Luke knew.

***

 

Though Michael complained that sleeping around didn’t satisfy him, it didn’t mean that it was meaningless. He still hooked up whenever he could, which was a lot. Sometimes with the same guys, sometimes with new ones.

It helped Michael forget about the unsettling feeling in his gut. Especially when some guy was sucking him off at the back of the bar.

He thrusted a little just to hear the guy gag. Fuck that felt good.

With a few more thrusts, Michael was sent over the edge and came deep inside the guy’s throat. The tip of his cock felt warm as it quivered and coated the tight heat of the guy’s throat. Michael was glad that the guy had little to no gag reflex.

The guy below him swallowed his come and Michael felt his cock twitch slightly.

He didn’t have anything since he wore a condom during sex but just the sight of that guy swallowing his seed made his dick harder than before.

He could usually get off more than twice but the guy was in a hurry.

Maybe he lived with his parents, maybe he was in a relationship and didn’t tell Michael (not that Michael asked) or maybe he was like Michael- here to love em and leave em.

Though it was promiscuous, Michael found a noble cause during his nightly hook-ups. He felt as if he was needed, even for just a short amount of time. He could bring others the release that they needed. Only for the night.

It was like being everyone’s dirty little secret.

Michael could pretend for a few hours that he was on the same boat as everyone here.

Looking for an escape.

Just as his dad disappeared and never returned. Leaving Michael with the responsibility of taking care of his family and assets. The last thing Michael heard from his dad was an order.

To take care of his siblings no matter what.

Michael accepted his role without a trace of defiance in his soul. He was a good son after all. If only his dad could see him now, he would be ashamed.

Maybe Michael did have rebelliousness side in him. It was better late than never.

***

 

It was a Saturday night when Michael met him.

“Hey.” Michael turned around from the bar counter mid-way from drinking his whiskey.

Right in front of him was a good-looking guy with spiky dirty blonde hair, freckled face and emerald green eyes. A smile involuntarily formed on Michael’s face.

“Well well, what brings an underage kid like you doing here?” Michael said and the green-eyed boy blushed.

Fuck this was gonna be easy.

“I’m not underage…” The boy said as his luscious lips quivered nervously. This kid was Michael’s kind of guy.

“Oh? Is that right? May I see your ID?” Michael teased and the boy buried frowned. The younger guy was wearing a black shirt underneath a leather jacket and had blue jeans on.

“What are you, a cop?” the kid bit back and Michael licked his lips.

“I do something relative to the law.” Michael said and grinned. Which was half true since he did some lawyering in the past.

“Oh is that so? Then at night you come here to suck off other guys’ cocks at the back? I dunno about you but I you get caught, that’s a crime.” Green eyes pierced Michael’s core.

“What’s your name?” Michael snapped his chin up.

“Dean- my name’s Dean.” Dean almost stuttered and Michael’s smile grew wider.

“Well Dean, I shouldn’t be preaching about the law when you’re right here…” Michael leaned closer to whisper in Dean’s ear. “…wanting to do illegal stuff at the back.” Michael slowly pulled back and saw Dean swallowed.

***

 

Michael gets pinned to the wall. He was here yesterday getting his rocks off by some random guy. Unlike Dean, Michael didn’t ask for the other guy’s name. Not that it mattered.

But what mattered was how Dean worshipped Michael’s body from his neck, to his navel then to his crotch. Dean ran his lips over the bulge and noticed the damps spot at the tip of Michael’s straining dick.

Somehow, Michael was already fully hard but he guessed it had something to do with the fact that Dean was quite adorable. The way Dean touched Michael’s body was a bit clumsy. Perhaps Dean had never been with a guy before yet that should be expected at his age.

Once Dean unzipped Michael’s jeans he didn’t immediately released Michael’s dick.

Dean buried his nose on his crotch, scenting Michael’s manly musk. It only made Michael’s dick grew harder.

“You’re huge.” Dean said and caressed Michael’s length. His dick pointed to left of his hip. His underwear was damp by Dean’s spit, his sweat and precome.

Michael grabbed a handful of Dean’s hair and shoved the guy’s head on his crotch. A moan escaped his throat as he savored the feeling of Dean’s mouth sliding from left to right at the base of Michael’s dick, which by the way was still in his underwear.

“You wanna suck it?” Michael asked and Dean nodded. The guy below pulled Michael’s briefs down to release his cock. The length slapped Dean’s cheek and Michael groaned at the prickly scruff.

“Jesus Christ!” Dean cursed and Michael tightened his hold of Dean’s hair.

“Don’t swear.” Michael whispered and before Dean could protest, Michael whipped his hard on toward Dean’s mouth.

“Do not say the Lord’s name in vain.” Michael smiled and Dean nodded. Dean’s mouth parted and closed his cupid bow lips around Michael’s cockhead.

The heat and slick was just as perfect as Michael expected.

Dean’s tongue rolled and lapped at the slit of Michael’s cock. Precome and spit mixed and guzzled at the corner of Dean’s mouth. But Michael was just getting started.

“Suck harder.” Michael thrusted a little, slowly sinking his length into Dean’s mouth until he could feel Dean’s throat tighten and vibrate at the tip. His eyes rolled back and when he looked down to check Dean’s expression, he was met with glistening green eyes. Tears rolled down Dean’s swollen cheeks. Jaw straining with his cock but Dean’s face looked perfectly obscene.

But that was enough teasing, Michael was growing impatient and harder.

“Use your hands.” Michael directed as he noticed that Dean was struggling to swallow it all. Michael couldn’t blame him. Besides Dean suckled the cockhead very well however it wasn’t enough to get Michael over the edge.

Dean wrapped his fingers around the base of Michael’s cock and tugged a little. It sent tingles up Michael’s spine and his abdomen muscles twitched.

“Good boy.” Michael said and Dean moaned. Oh he liked that?

Michael was pleased as he thrusted a little while Dean kept his grip around Michael’s cock. What Dean couldn’t keep in his mouth, dripped on the cold hard ground. Spit and precome gurgled the sound of Dean’s moans as Dean tugged faster, carefully made sure that he kept a firm grip around Michael’s foreskin.

Those luscious lips wrap nicely around Michael’s cock and it felt amazing. Michael had a feeling that Dean didn’t know much about sucking cock but he learned fast. Dean’s hand tugged with the perfect rhythm. It was not too fast but it rolled slightly when Dean’s fingers slide over that special nerve at the base side of Michael’s dick.

It was perfect and Michael was close. His breath came in short puffs and gasps. Not to mention the moans that escaped his throat. He was grateful that the alley was very dark and secluded. Otherwise Michael might have to move their business elsewhere.

Dean suckled harder, spit dribbled down his chin as Michael watched. The nervous yet ballsy kid that he met inside was sucking his cock like Dean’s life depended on it. Michael was impressed and he made sure to let Dean know by squirting more precome inside Dean’s mouth.

Dean moaned gratefully and how could Michael deny such a good boy.

“I’m gonna come.” Michael warned and Dean tugged harder, suckling on Michael’s cock like it was Halloween candy.

When Michael came, spurts of come deposited into Dean’s mouth while Michael groaned and thrusted. He watched as Dean swallowed it all, inch by inch of his cock entered Dean’s mouth until Dean’s nose was on his pubic hair. Breathing more of Michael’s manly musk.

Usually guys would pull out, Michael knew his size would obviously strain anyone’s jaw but Dean kept going. His throat swallowed every last drop as spurt after spurt of come coated Dean’s insides.

It was obscene. It was messy. And it was so fucking hot.

Dean’s eyes were lidded with lust as Michael rode his orgasm into Dean’s mouth. Dean did not resist nor complain. He just kneeled there like a hole for Michael to use.

When Michael’s dick got sensitive, he slowly pulled out, inch by inch as he saw his dick glistened, even in the dark. Without a doubt, there was no come left as Michael saw Dean’s Adam’s apple bobbed. Swallowing it all.

Michael sighed then chuckled as Dean wiped his mouth and cheeks with his sleeve.

“You’re pretty good kid. For someone who’s never sucked dick in his life.” Michael said and Dean narrowed his eyes.

“How do you know I’ve never done it before?” Dean asked and Michael snorted.

“Just a hunch.” Michael stated and Dean didn’t look amused.

“Yeah well you’re pretty ungrateful for a guy who just got his rocks off.” Dean spitefully said as he wiped his check some more.

“Well it’s all just fun and games sweetheart.” Michael teased and Dean sarcastically said. “Huh.”

“Good for you pal.” Dean hissed then walked off. Michael huffed and shook his head.

He tried not to let Dean’s expression get to him. This thing…what he’s been doing. It was all but a means of escape, nothing more.

So why did Michael get the feeling that he was somehow being judged. By someone who was just on their knees and begging for his cock.

Michael thought that Dean was the one being ungrateful and it wouldn’t be until later that he realized-

He was absolutely wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got more smutty ideas to add in the next few chapter.  
> What do you guys think of the explicit stuff? Was I confusing?
> 
> Lemme know in the comments xx


	4. Chapter 4- Escaping the Spider's Web

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael remembers the second time he met Dean and the first time he broke one of his rules.  
> No intimacy after sex!
> 
> -
> 
> “Will that be a problem?” Michael speculated but Dean replied with a laugh.  
> “Nah. You actually sound kinda sexy.” Dean smiled. Not even the darkness of the night could dim his bright smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I'm back to writing this story. I hope you all like this chapter!  
> It's got some plot but a decent amount of smut to reward those who waited so long.  
> Happy reading!
> 
> sincerely,  
> penultimateaxis

**-Michael-**

Michael tried not to overthink about the first time he met Dean. However it was rather difficult to forget, especially since Dean would always come over to Michael’s house.

On his way to get the mail from the mailbox, the Impala roared through the streets and parked right in front of Michael. Castiel was in the passenger seat while Dean parked his precious car.

The couple giggled and teased each other while Michael attempted to distract himself with junk mail. He didn’t know why he couldn’t move. There was no point in standing there watching his baby brother and Dean become affectionate.

Perhaps somewhere deep-down, Michael wanted to see Dean.

Castiel and Dean got out of the Impala while Michael pretended to be preoccupied by mail. It was pathetic, he knew it was but Michael just had to be there.

“Hello Michael.” Castiel greeted him and Michael waved his hand. Dean went up behind Castiel and wrapped his arms around Michael’s baby brother. Castiel squealed as Dean planted kisses at the back of Castiel’s ear and neck.

Michael darted Dean a look and the older Winchester stopped. Castiel dragged Dean into the house by the hand and they continued giggling.

A sigh escaped Michael’s chest as he gazed into the neighborhood to calm his nerves. He shouldn’t be so affected by Dean, he knew Dean and Castiel were very serious about their relationship. Especially since it’s been a year.

But Michael couldn’t help but feel envious. Yes, Michael was also allowed to feel. It was such a shame that he didn’t have what his younger brothers had.

As he gazed upon the back seat of the Impala, his memories reminded him that maybe he did.

 

**-Several years ago-**

Michael couldn’t forget Dean’s attitude after their hook up. Sure he was annoyed at first but he tried to think that Dean was just some underage kid who had attitude problems. But there was something more.

Maybe Dean was 18 but he was certainly not 21, not even his bowlegged stride, leather jacket and cocksure smile could fool Michael. Michael could see right through that bullshit. Yet Michael was drawn somehow.

When he returned to Benny’s bar the following Friday, Dean wasn’t there. It wasn’t like Michael was expecting Dean to be there. It wasn’t like Michael thought he was gonna be able to feel those lips wrapped around his dick ever again. Not after the way Dean reacted.

But he did expect some sort of challenge at least. Something to get his blood boiling. Nobody and he meant nobody, had ever judged him and got away so easily.

Who was Dean to even judge him? While Michael sat on the bathroom seat and some random guy was sucking him off, Michael wondered. He was trying to figure out as to why he was so bothered by the fact that Dean looked at him like that.

Like Dean felt sorry for him.

Michael furiously thrusted into the guy’s mouth and made him gag but in a good way. Moans escaped the guy’s throat and it felt good. Michael came with a grunt and the guy swallowed it all. He lapped and suckled at Michael’s cockhead until it was sensitive and Michael noticed him jacking off, then coming as well. While the guy was a panting mess, Michael pulled his pants up and left the cubicle.

His business was done for the night and without a trace of the bowlegged boy, Michael left and went back home.

On Saturday night, Dean was back and Michael was sort of pleased. Especially since Dean had been looking at him for almost an hour now. Drink in hand and sat by the bar as Michael flirted with a rich business man who was close to his age.

The guy in front of Michael wasn’t special, just some business graduate who probably thinks the world was entitled to him since his daddy paid for his degree. Probably even got him a job. Michael stared the man down as he watched Dean through his peripherals. A couple of people have approached Dean but the boy didn’t pay them any mind. He just kept his gaze on Michael and Michael couldn’t help but smile at the attention.

“I’m gonna go grab a drink.” Michael interrupted the graduate student mid-talk as Michael cut through the crowd to get to the bar.

Dean had his eyes on Michael the entire time.

Michael leaned on the counter right next to Dean and ignored the boy who was staring at him with expectant eyes. Benny was serving other customers for now and Michael could wait.

“Hey.” Dean called out and Michael pretended not to hear at first.

Dean cleared his throat and tried again. “Hey.” This time Michael pretended to be surprised.

“Hey.” Michael greeted in return but Dean didn’t seem amused.

“You look surprised. Didn’t think you’d have a bad memory.” Dean sneered and Michael continued pretending.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” But Michael did know what Dean was talking about.

“Well let me remind you. I met you here last week then we went at the back and looked at the moon.” Dean said and Michael pretended to remember.

“Ah! I remember now. You look just as pretty when you don’t have a cock in your mouth.” Michael whispered and it made Dean blush. Damn the boy was after Michael’s heart.

“You really get around do you?” Dean asked as he pointed at Michael’s other company, the business grad student.

“Sweetheart, you have no idea.” Michael winked as Benny approached them and asked for their orders. Dean ordered another beer and Michael did as well.

After Benny was done, Michael was about to leave the counter when Dean stopped him. “D’you wanna hang out for a bit?” Dean asked and Michael tried not to smile.

“Oh you wanna hang out? I thought you didn’t like my company after last week.” Michael really wanted to tease Dean. As cute as the younger boy was, Michael’s pride was above everything else. “But I got a grad student with me and I’d hate to be rude.” Michael pointed at his companion and Dean looked.

“He don’t look like he needs your company anymore.” The grad student as talking to another guy who looked young and slender. Michael narrowed his eyes then looked at Dean who was grinning from ear to ear.

This was awkward.

“On second thought, I need a favor.” Michael asked Dean as he kept his eyes on the grad student.

“Yeah?” Dean asked and Michael mischievously smiled.

***

 

Michael approached the grad student, he was furious of the insult. However he was gonna keep his cool even though there was one thing Michael hated more than anything it would be people who thought they were better than him.

“Hey there, I got us drinks and…who’s this?” Michael asked the grad student who jumped up to introduce the other man.

“Oh this is Adam. I met him just now while you were ordering our drinks. And Adam, this is Mike.” The grad student said while Adam or something held out his hand.

“Pleased to meet you Mike.” Adam greeted and Michael wanted to glare at him but smiled instead.

“Pleasure.” He returned the gesture with a sharp tone. “I’ll see you around.” Adam excused himself and left Michael with his grad student who smiled flirtingly at Adam. Right there and then, Michael wanted to end him.

“So where were we?” the grad student asked then Dean appeared from behind.

“Hey pal, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Dean pulled the grad student’s shoulder to turn him around. It tipped the beer all over the grad student.

“What’s your problem?” The grad student jumped up to avoid more spillage and Dean gave Michael a look.

“You’re talking to my boyfriend, that’s what!” Dean said and Michael tried to hide a smile.

“The hell? Is he your boyfriend?” The grad student asked Michael then Dean turned him around again.

“Hey right here pal!” Then Dean threw a punch at the grad student’s face.

***

 

Michael stepped out of the bar and saw Dean waiting for him at the other side of the road. The boy was dragged out of the bar by one of the security guards but Dean didn’t resist. To Michael, everything went too fast and before he knew it, he too followed the younger man outside while the grad student moaned in pain. He probably needed a nose reconstruction.

After Michael crossed the road, he smiled at the younger boy.

“Nice right hook. Can’t believe you punched him in the face.” Michael said as a smile started to form on Dean’s face.

“Yeah he was kind of a dick. Looked like a pretentious douche as well.” Dean commented and Michael chuckled.

“Even though it wasn’t part of the plan, you did well.” Michael congratulated Dean by patting him on the shoulder.

“So what do you wanna do now? I don’t think I’m gonna show my face in there anytime soon. Probably never.” Dean said and glanced behind Michael.

“Do you have a place where we can hang out?” Michael asked and Dean took a moment to think about it.

“Yeah, I do. I’ve got a car, I’ll drive us somewhere.” Dean replied then tilted his head, asking Michael to follow him. Michael followed him down the road to find a black classic car. Michael’s eyes blew wide open as Dean was surprising him more and more by the minute.

“Here’s my baby, 67’ Chevy Impala.” Dean smiled proudly at his vehicle. Michael noticed something twinkle in Dean’s eyes and for some odd reason, he wanted to see it again.

“You must take very good care of it.” Michael commented as he slid his hand on the shiny black surface. Dean stopped just before he opened the door of the driver’s seat.

“Uh yeah…yeah I do.” Dean reluctantly said before unlocking the vehicle.

Michael stepped inside and Dean turned the engine on. The engine roared and it felt as if the entire town knew that the vehicle was there. There was a distinct sound rattling in the air vents. It didn’t bother Michael, it made the car sound unique in a way. As if Dean let it keep that sound even though it didn’t probably belong with the engine of the car.

There he was again. Michael overanalyzed everything. Despite his desire to be irresponsible, Michael couldn’t help return to old habits.

Habits which he hoped to remain buried whenever he was outside of his home. Away from his siblings.

In a place where he could spread his wings and just fly. Without worrying about where he’d end up.

***

 

Dean drove him in a clearing. There was not a trace of civilization to be found. Just the black Chevy Impala brightening the dirt road ahead. Once Dean parked, he asked Michael to come outside.

Michael nodded even though he should be concerned about being so far away from town. He didn’t feel scared or worried. For some odd reason, he felt safe around Dean.

Just like back at the bar, when Dean punched the grad student, Michael didn’t worry about the security guard or the fact that he would get kicked out as well.

In fact Michael felt thrilled. He looked forward to what would happen next and craved for more.

_How in the world did this happen to him?_

Dean sat on the hood of the Impala, Michael did the same although he should ask for permission.

“Is this the part where you turn into a psycho killer and murder me then bury my body in the woods?” Michael asked and Dean laughed.

“Nah you’re too handsome to kill.” Dean nonchalantly said. “Good-looking people usually survive in horror movies.”

Michael smiled smugly. “Do they now? Maybe you’re watching the wrong sort of horror movies.”

Dean laughed at that. “Yeah maybe you’re right.”

“You do realize that you just called me handsome.” Michael said and even though it was dark, he could see Dean blush.

“Did I?” Dean nervously asked then Michael chuckled. “Yes, you did. “ Michael teased and it made Dean bite his lip.

“Well I think I’ve had too much to drink.” Dean excused and Michael glanced at the car’s surface.

“I meant it when I said that you really take care of your car.” Michael muttered and that caught Dean’s attention.

“Really?” Dean asked but not out of suspicion but rather, general curiosity.

“Yes you do. Because take a look at your car. With the lights off, you could see the stars on the surface. It’s as clear as the night.” Michael said and he looked back up to Dean who fidgeted.

“Yeah well baby’s just stunning as it is.” Dean patted his vehicle and Michael shook his head.

“Not exactly. When you look at it, you look at it with pride.” Michael muttered as walked around to observe the car. “There’s not a scratch on it and the engine sounded beautifully. It takes a great deal of effort just to maintain cars like these and I must say, I have never seen a car like this in excellent condition.” Michael stopped as he noticed Dean staring.

“To tell you the truth, my dad actually gave me this car. I loved it from the moment I laid my eyes on it.” Dean smiled and kept his gaze at Michael. “You’re pretty observant for someone who hooks up with a lot of people every weekend.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “Maybe I’ve got an eye for beauty.” Then Dean laughed.

“And you sound differently than back at the bar. Do you always sound so formal?” Dean claimed and Michael was shocked.

He didn’t realize that he was getting to comfortable.

“Will that be a problem?” Michael speculated but Dean replied with a laugh.

“Nah. You actually sound kinda sexy.” Dean smiled. Not even the darkness of the night could dim his bright smile. The younger man pushed himself off the hood of the car and stepped into Michael’s personal space.

“Very sexy.” Dean kissed Michael on the lips. Those soft luscious lips were warm and sweet to taste. They were enough to help Michael forget about the cold night. Or the cold surface of the hood of Dean’s Impala as Michael laid Dean’s back on it. Crushing their lips together with hunger, and it could only be sated by each other’s mouths.

Dean pushed Michael with his mouth as he shed his leather jacket while Michael began unbuttoning his white shirt. Dean pulled his shirt off while Michael began unbuckling the younger man’s belt. Dean’s legs were wrapped around Michael, pulling him closer so that they could feel each other’s erections.

“Eager are we?” Michael asked and Dean grinned at him. The younger man replied by enthusiastically kissing Michael’s lips, then jaw, then neck.

However Michael was not about to forget last week.

“Hold on, we’re not gonna do this then you snapping at me afterwards?” Michael speculated and Dean looked confused. Michael gave him an expectant look and wondered if the younger boy understood him.

“You mean last week?” Dean asked and Michael didn’t nod but didn’t disagree either. “Yeah I was being a dick but you were too. Don’t deny it.” Dean stated and Michael pursed his lips. In most situations, Michael would’ve left the other guy for being a pain the ass. But Dean was different for some odd reason, maybe because they were in the middle of nowhere.

Or maybe it was something else.

Dean sighed and looked back at his car while his legs clung onto Michael’s hips.

“Wanna take this inside? It’s more comfortable and I promise I’ll make it worth your time.” Dean suggested and Michael couldn’t resist. Especially not when the younger man nipped his jaw and his bare chest. Dean teased and played with his left nipple while he played close attention at Michael’s throbbing erection.

“Fine.” Michael grumbled although he didn’t really feel like it was a hassle or anything. He was just slightly torn by Dean challenging him yet at the same time, getting him more aroused than he’s ever been.

Dean let Michael inside the back seat of the Impala first then shut the door behind him. He quickly jumped on Michael by crushing their lips together with great gusto. More than they did outside.

Dean made quick work of Michael’s pants and pulled them off before releasing Michael’s straining huge member out of his underwear. Dean didn’t hesitate to swallow the cockhead as soon as it was out.

“That’s it. Take it baby.” Michael whispered lustfully and Dean replied with a moan. Michael sat with his back on the backrest while Dean leaned down, half crouching and with half of his body on the seat. If they were on the front seat, they probably wouldn’t have much room.

This was enough. This was fine for now as Michael threw his head back from Dean lapping on the slit of his cock. Even though it had been only a week since Dean sucked his dick, Michael felt as if Dean had been practicing. Maybe he had and Michael shouldn’t be so trusting in his partners all the time.

Dean probably got around more than Michael thought and he could have something.

But there was something about the way Dean sucked his cock that made Michael feel more than his usual hook ups. It was probably because of the way Dean worshipped his cock as if it was his life’s purpose. And who was Michael to deprive the guy of life’s pleasures. Especially since he also benefitted from it.

Speaking of benefitting from this, he felt bad that Dean was doing all the work. So he quickly slid his hand down Dean’s hip and reached for the aching cock that’d been leaking precome all over the leather seats. It was going to stain.

“You’re such a slut for cock aren’t you Dean?” Michael said and tugged at the boy’s raging hard on. Dean writhed while he had Michael’s cock in his mouth. Maybe it would be alright to thrust a little.

Michael snapped his hips up, forcing his length deeper into Dean’s throat. Spit dribbled out of the boy’s mouth, coating his pubes and hips. Still Dean never resisted. He swallowed Michael inch by inch, Michael could feel Dean breathe in his musk. Nose buried in his pubes as Dean’s tongue wriggled at the underside of Michael’s dick.

Dean grabbed the base of Michael’s dick as he moved his head up. Releasing some of Michael’s cock so Dean’s hand could tug it. The boy learned quickly.

“That’s it. Keep it nice and wet for me. My good boy.” Michael licked his lips as he tugged Dean’s hard on. The boy below him whimpered. Michael was cruel in a way. He liked hearing the sound of his partner writhe under his touch and Dean was perfect for the role.

Again, Dean was after Michael’s heart.

“Such a good boy.” Michael complimented again as he thrusted up. Meeting Dean’s head as it sucked down. Just so Dean could have the rest of the length in his mouth. Michael kept playing with Dean’s dick. His fingers were slicked with precome which he wanted to taste. Just like everything about Dean, the precome would be delicious.

But Michael had other plans: he carefully slid his hand to Dean’s ass and found Dean’s hole. Dean whimpered as Michael’s finger got caught by the ring of muscle that puffed and sucked his finger.

He obliged and pushed in, wriggling his finger to ensure that the hole was slicked up. He didn’t want the intrusion to be dry and painful. When Michael’s finger felt dry, he pulled it out and tasted it.

It tasted slightly bitter but in a good way. He hungrily sucked on his fingers and got it all slicked with his spit. It was too good not to share so he reached down to Dean’s mouth, urging the boy below him to taste it.

Dean pulled out of Michael’s cock with a loud pop but continued tugging it with his fist. His tongue reached for Michael’s fingers and sucked them inside his mouth. Michael had never been harder before as he watched Dean feed on his spit mixed with the boy’s precome.

It made Michael want more.

“Get up.” Michael pulled his hand off and a whimper escaped Dean’s throat. Michael thought it sounded adorable. “Turn around and show me your ass.” Dean di as he was told.

The boy perked his ass up, one knee on the back seat while his right foot was planted firmly on the floor. Dean’s right elbow rested on the driver’s backrest while his head rested on the surface of the car window.

Dean’s left hand parted his ass cheek to present his hole and it glistened with spit and precome under the moonlight.

Michael thought it was obscene, adorable and downright dirty. He dived in to lap on Dean’s hole. The ring of muscle gaped and constricted around his tongue, allowed the intrusion while Michael’s tongue dug deep. Michael grabbed Dean’s hip and pulled it in, Dean almost lost balance but quickly grabbed onto the backseat with his left hand. Dean mewled as Michael ate him out and Dean took the opportunity to grab his dick using his right hand and started jacking off.

Michael had his right hand pumping his giant cock. Squelching sounds of his fapping and mouth, hungrily sucking Dean’s ass hole, intertwined with Dean’s loud moaning. The younger boy was a sweating mess and Michael could smell it.  With Michael’s nose buried deep between Dean’s ass cheeks, he could smell Dean’s arousal perfectly.

Michael pulled his face away. “I’m getting on my back.” Then Michael pulled Dean’s ass closer to his face as he slid down to rest his back on the seat. Dean grabbed onto the window as his hips rested on Michael’s face. Michael wrapped his arms around Dean’s thighs and it reached for Dean’s ass cheeks. He parted them to get better access to Dean’s asshole which was gaping for attention.

Dean moaned and whimpered. A loud gasp of “Ah!” escaped his mouth as Michael prodded a finger inside. Dean jerked his hips to grind his hole into Michael’s face while his dick rubbed Michael’s chest. The sounds that came out of Dean’s mouth were nonsensical and he babbled pleas. It was absolutely what Michael was looking for.

Thankfully Dean didn’t forget about his cock which was aching for attention. Michael almost forgot about his own arousal as he was too busy teasing Dean’s hole but alas, he was grateful for Dean giving him attention as well.

Dean tried to suck his cock as well as did earlier but Michael knew it wouldn’t work. Not when he flicked his tongue over Dean’s rim, it hooked at the end and caught the ring of muscle which sent the boy on top of him moaning around his dick.

Michael kept doing it, flicking his tongue in and out of the hole. Tasting the salty and bitter remnants, mixed with sweat, spit and come. For a second there, he thought Dean passed out. The boy’s breathing grew thinner but he kept Michael’s dick in his mouth. Lazily jerked it off while letting it nestle like a lollipop in his lips.

Dean was hot and perfect. Michael never had a partner lose himself like Dean did. The boy didn’t care if Michael thrusted into his throat or made him gag. Or when Michael shoved two fingers into Dean’s hole instead of one while Michael lapped on Dean’s perineum.

Slowly but carefully, Michael moved Dean’s hips higher so that his mouth could reach the younger man’s dick. He began sucking while he kept his thick fingers inside Dean. Dean couldn’t suck his cock anymore but he kept a fist around it. Dean wasn’t tugging anymore, in fact he wasn’t doing anything else other than moaning at Michael’s touch. At Michael sucking him as Dean cried “Please!” and “More!” between his babbling. Michael kept shoving his fingers until it was knuckle deep inside the boy. He looked for that spot somewhere in the bundle of nerves and muscles, inside Dean’s hole while he suckled Dean’s dick. Edging him by lapping at the slit but doing nothing else.

He didn’t want it to end so soon. Not until he found what he was looking for.

Then with a jolt of Dean’s hips, Michael felt a throb at the tip of his fingers inside Dean’s hole.

He found it.

He kept prodding at it, brushing it until Dean was an overstimulated mess. Michael didn’t do much to Dean’s dick anymore other than giving it small kitten licks here and there. Sometimes he whispered words of encouragement while Dean writhed on top of him.

“Yeah baby, that’s it. Let me take care of you.” Michael whispered and he wasn’t sure if Dean heard as the boy began to jerk his hips frantically to chase after Michael’s fingers. Angling it so it hit the spot over and over and over again.

Michael loved it. He loved every second of Dean panting and gasping on top of him. Dean was seeking his mouth and prodded his dick on Michael’s lips but Michael wouldn’t open them. He wanted Dean like this, in agonizing ecstasy until the inevitable.

With a few more thrusts of Michael’s fingers, Dean came with a shout. His hips jerked frantically as Michael felt throbbing at the tip of his fingers. That would be Dean’s prostate throbbing through Dean’s orgasm. Dean’s cock spurted come all over Michael’s face and chest. Some of it definitely got on the seat and the floor but Dean probably didn’t care.

Dean was a sight to behold. It was one of the most wonderful thing Michael had ever seen if not the best. Dean continued to jerk his hips until he was an exhausted mess. He collapsed on top of Michael while Dean’s face rested beside Michael’s hard on. Michael huffed and smiled.

A job well done he thought.

An adequate amount of moment passed before Dean got off so that Michael could get up. The come was drying but not dry enough. Dean looked at him apologetically while Michael reached for his shirt.

“Sorry…” Dean muttered and Michael smiled.

“Don’t be.” He replied but before he could wipe the remnants off his body, Dean grabbed his wrists.

“Let me…” Dean lustfully said and Michael wondered what he meant-

Then his question was answered as Dean licked his face. Tasting every drop of come until Michael was no longer covered in Dean’s spunk. Instead, Dean’s spit lingered on his skin. Michael stuck his tongue out to taste it and liked it very much.

Dean continued to lick everywhere and noticed Michael’s dick twitched. The boy began sucking on Michael’s cock like before and this time, Michael couldn’t hold it anymore. It was about time that he rewarded Dean for being so good.

Michael came with a loud grunt, thrusted into Dean’s mouth as the boy made sure to drink it all. Michael’s orgasm was longer than he expected and in the end, his dick was still hard. As expected.

Dean looked at him as if he wanted to keep going but Michael knew the boy was tired. They laid next to each other for a moment, Dean’s head was on his chest while his arm rested on Dean’s back.

There was a rule of no intimacy after sex in Michael’s head. Even when he slept in other people’s houses, he turned his back on them. Or he hurriedly left before things got too intimate. Sex was meant to be an escape and lingering in each other’s company was not part of it.

Dean shouldn’t be an exception to this rule either.

Guilt bubbled in Michael’s chest as he smiled at Dean. They put their clothes back on then Dean drove him back and they sat in gentle silence. Michael tried not to look at Dean too much and Dean didn’t really have to since he had to keep his eyes on the road.

Michael wondered what to say once Dean dropped him off.

The Impala parked at the corner of is street and Michael turned to Dean, his thoughts were rehearsed during the drive.

“Thanks for the ride.” Michael said and Dean grinned at him.

“Don’t mention it. I had an awesome time.” Dean said then leaned closer to kiss Michael on the lips. Michael turned away and Dean stopped just before his lips could touch Michael. Michael bit his lip as a pang of guilt swirled in his chest. This would have been easier if Michael just got out and left.

But no, Dean had to make it more difficult.

 A wave of awkwardness swept in the car.

“I’m sorry. I think I didn’t make my intentions clear, this was meant to be a one-time thing.” Michael lied because the truth was, he wanted to see Dean again. Especially after what happened tonight.

“I get it. It’s alright.” Dean said and softly smiled. Michael didn’t need to see that.

Another awkward moment passed before it began suffocating Michael.

“I should go, I’ll see you around Dean.” Michael said out of habit. He bit his lip back as soon as he realized what he just said. “I’m sorry.”

“Nah it’s alright, I’m not allowed back at your bar anyway.” Dean commented and Michael didn’t know what else to say.

“Good night Dean.” At least Michael bid him good-bye in way. That’s more than most fellas get.

“Yeah, good night.” Dean said back then drove off, the Impala roared through the neighborhood, it let everyone know that it was there. To Michael, it meant something else. Something bitter.

He never thought that one of the best nights he’s ever had would end up like this.

Oh well, there was always next week.

After all, he thought it would be the last time that he saw Dean.  

He was so wrong.

***

 

**-Michael-**

“Hey Michael, what the hell are you doing out there?” Gabriel called out from inside the house. Michael snapped back from daydreaming then to meet his brother scowling at him.

“Hurry the hell up or we’ll start without you! Cassie and Dean have been here since forever and now we’re waiting for you!” Gabriel cried out before disappearing somewhere in the house.

Michael cleared his throat before he shook his head.

These memories had been occurring more lately and Michael didn’t understand why. He buried these memories long ago along with feelings associated to them.

He couldn’t possibly allow them to resurface.

After all, he was past all that.

_Or was he?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Is the smut alright? I'm just an amateur but I do enjoy writing it.
> 
> xoxo


	5. Chapter 5- Mouse Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean needs to go to the hospital because Gabriel has things in the house that shouldn't be there.
> 
> Michael brought Dean to the hospital and remembered that it wasn't the first.
> 
> Castiel is Dean's boyfriend if that wasn't obvious enough. Apparently, not to all. Especially not to Tessa, Dean's nurse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut will return shortly but for now, I am building the plot and I must say, things will get more complicated from here on end.

**-Michael-**

Sometimes Michael wondered if Gabriel ever took anything in his life seriously. Even though Gabriel was in a relationship with Sam Winchester, his pranking had not stopped. It only got worse by the fact that Sam was also a prankster. They’ve been in a prank war for almost a month now and Michael thought it was childish.

They would prank each other from Gabriel dressing up as a clown, to Sam switching every single candy from Gabriel’s stash of sweets into plastic balls or shiny pebbles. All in all, they were in a war which nobody wanted to get caught into.

Michael and Castiel had been avoiding their antics, to the point of getting out of the house when it got really bad. And sometimes it got really bad.

However, in a sense, those two were perfect for each other. It would have been fine it weren’t for the fact that other people could get caught in the crossfire. Others, such as Dean.

After his afternoon jog, Michael took off his tank top and made way to the kitchen. He was just on his way to get a glass of water when he saw Dean unconscious on the kitchen floor. He quickly went down to check if Dean hurt himself.

“GABRIEL!” Michael called his brother while he tried to wake Dean up. He checked Dean’s pulse and was relieved to know that Dean was still alive and breathing.

“GABRIEL I NEED YOU!” Michael shouted again then he heard footsteps from outside the kitchen door.

“Oh my god Mikey some of us are trying to sleep…uhhh-,” Gabriel stopped as soon as he saw what was happening. “What are you doing to Dean?” Gabriel speculated and Michael darted him a glare.

“I found him like this! He’s unconscious for some odd reason.” Michael said while he opened Dean’s eyelids to check if Dean was semi-conscious.

Gabriel sniffed the air then looked around to find a torn bag on the kitchen counter.

“Oh boy…” fear masked Gabriel’s expression then Michael snapped his head up.

“I think my knock out gas bomb went off. That’s probably why Dean-o’s unconscious.” Gabriel looked at Michael who suddenly realized what just happened.

“For the love of god Gabriel, why do you have that thing? In the kitchen of all places?” Michael sneered and Gabriel shrugged.

“It was meant to be a trap for Sam! I didn’t think it would set off! What the hell’s Dean doing here anyway?” Gabriel cried out and Michael inspected the unconscious Winchester.

There was nothing out of the ordinary then Gabriel called for him. “Mikey check this out!”

Michael got up then saw his brother staring at a small jar of honey wrapped in a blue ribbon with a card sitting next to it.

Gabriel picked up the card and read its contents.

“ _’For my precious honey bee,_

_Enjoy this jar of honey. I remembered you saying that you love having this in your tea._

_Love,_

_Dean_

_XOXO’_ ”

Michael and Gabriel shared a disgruntled look.

“Oh my god! ‘My precious honey bee!’ ‘XOXO’ I’m never gonna live this down! Oh boy Dean-o!  This is too good I can’t!” Gabriel started laughing then Michael crossed his eyes.

“This is no laughing matter Gabriel! Dean could have been seriously hurt! We need to take him to the emergency room!” Michael wiped his forehead while he glanced at Dean’s unconscious form.

He turned to this brother who was inspecting the jar’s label, temptation was written all over his face.

“Gabriel put that down! We need to take Dean to the hospital! He could have a concussion!” Michael shouted and Gabriel dropped the jar.

“Oh relax! He’ll be fine…I think.” Gabriel pursed his lips but Michael wouldn’t have any of it.

“Gabriel!! Please take this seriously! You and Sam have been playing these childish antics for far too long! Enough is enough!” Michael scolded and Gabriel looked hurt.

“I’m sorry Mikey…I was just trying to have a little bit of fun…” Gabriel apologized then a pang of guilt hit Michael’s chest. He could be harsh sometimes.

“Very well however we need to do something about Dean otherwise Castiel will end you.” Michael noted and Gabriel nodded.

“How about I go get Cassie and Samsquatch from school and you take Dean to the hospital?” Gabriel suggested and Michael was dumbfounded.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I’m pretty sure me and Dean were supposed to pick em up but clearly Dean-o’s not driving anytime soon.” Gabriel pointed at Dean’s body.

“Gabriel, are you sure about this?” Michael asked even though there shouldn’t be any reason as to why he should hesitate.

Not to Gabriel at least.

“Why not? It’s faster that way rather than waiting for an ambulance. Can’t you drive?” Michael didn’t appreciate Gabriel’s snarky tone but he was right.

It was a good idea.

Without a second thought, Michael nodded and Gabriel made a ‘mhhm’ sound.

“Go put a shirt on and I’ll carry Dean to the car.” Gabriel said and Michael nodded.  Regardless of his size, Gabriel was very strong. Most people underestimate him and Gabriel used it to his advantage.

Michael was about to head upstairs to get a cleaner shirt when he heard a loud crash near the kitchen.

Gabriel was underneath Dean’s unconscious body and cried in pain. “MIKEY! HELP ME!”

Michael quickly rushed to his brother. “Gabriel what on earth-,”

“I thought Dean would be lighter than Sam…he’s just as heavy…” Gabriel whined and Michael rolled his eyes.

“For Christ’s sakes Gabriel! He probably got more injured! Can’t you do anything right?” Michael asked and lifted Dean up, like a fairy tale princess.

“It’s not my fault that Dean’s overweight! It’s from all the pies he eats!” Gabriel got up and brushed his knees.

“You’re such a weakling…” Michael muttered and Gabriel darted him a glare.

“What was that?” Gabriel asked and Michael headed to the front door.

“Nothing.” Michael shook his head while he carried Dean carefully, the Winchester looked at ease.

“Not everyone’s a muscle freak like you Mikey! Although Sam’s the same but that’s not the point!”  Gabriel shouted through the halls while Michael opened the front door and carried Dean outside.

He placed Dean on the passenger seat then ran back inside to look for a cleaner shirt. Once he got changed, he returned to the car and was relieved to see Dean was still alive and breathing.

Michael started driving to the hospital and he gripped the steering wheel til his knuckles went white. Gabriel’s antics have gotten too far but hopefully this could be a lesson to his brother.

As he looked at the road ahead, Michael glanced at Dean’s unconscious form and realized that this was not the first time he brought Dean to the hospital.

The first time he did, it was around three years ago.

 

**-Around three years ago-**

Michael thought about Dean for the rest of the week. While at home, he tried not to look distracted because Luke was starting to speculate but at least Gabriel, Anna and Castiel didn’t notice anything.

However the look on Dean’s face haunted his sleep and waking hours. Michael thought he could’ve handled it better, he could’ve handled tings with Dean more carefully but instead, he got an anti-climactic ending to what was actually one of his best hook-ups. Probably the best.

Then another problem arose, Michael didn’t feel like hooking up with anyone.

On Friday night, he was at Benny’s bar again but no matter how many people tried to grab his attention, he didn’t flirt back. Or rather, he couldn’t flirt back. Dean was nowhere to be found, which was to be expected especially since he was the reason why Dean was kicked out by the security guard.

More guilt swelled inside Michael and no amount of whiskey could help. Even Benny told him to slow down but Michael didn’t wanna listen. He gave Benny the same amount of enthusiasm as he did to all the other people in the bar. Or lack thereof.

When Michael had enough, he left the bar and started walking home. He wasn’t in the mood for anything or anyone tonight. He just wanted to be alone. Wallowing in self-pity like a clichéd movie character.

In the dark streets, there was not much to see but there was certainly much to hear.

“The fuck!” Michael heard someone scream and by instinct, he followed where the sound came from.

In a dark alleyway, he saw two shadowy figures, one person was on the floor while the other had something shiny in their hand.

It was a knife.

Michael should know better than to interfere in a ruckus involving someone with a weapon but from the moment he had a good glimpse of the man on the ground, it was all he could think about.

For that person scurrying for their life was none other than Dean.

The stranger loomed over the younger man. He was not as tall as Michael but was definitely taller than Dean.

“Hey!” Michael shouted and it caught the guy’s attention. Dean quickly kicked the man between the legs, sending him to the ground with a loud groan. Dean shuffled quickly to try and get away but the man grabbed onto Dean’s ankle, tripping the younger man in the process.

“You little shit!” the man cursed and pointed the sharp object at Dean. Michael swooped in to pull the man away from Dean but instead, he got elbowed in the gut.

The man charged after Dean again but this time Michael got in the way and had his shoulder gnashed by the knife.

Michael quickly grabbed the man by the wrist, twisted his arm then kneed the man’s stomach before throwing him over his shoulder then slammed him toward the ground. He then kicked the guy’s wrist, he heard bones crack and kicked the knife to the side.

“Mike stop!” Dean shouted and Michael stopped just before he stomped the man’s face.

Michael turned to the younger man. “Let’s go before the cops show up.” Dean said and without a second thought, Michael left one last glare at the man on the ground. His blood boiled but Dean held his arm to pull him away. Dean finally convinced him.

They left in the blur of the night and Dean lead Michael to the Impala. Michael huffed and inspected his cut. The knife wound wasn’t deep enough, he’ll live. Although he probably need to get a doctor to check it out.

Speaking of doctors, Dean slumped next to his precious car with a groan, a patch of red soaked his left abdominal. 

“Dean! You’re bleeding profusely! We have got to get you to a hospital!” Michael pointed out and Dean shook his head.

“I’ll be alright. I just need to apply pressure on it and it should be fine.” Even in the dark, Michael saw a drop of blood spilled on the floor.

“Are you insane? You’re growing pale and close to passing out!” Michael tried to assist Dean and get him upright but the boy resisted.

“I said I’ll be fine! I don’t need your freaking help!” Dean spat out and Michael rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be difficult boy! Give me your keys! I’ll drive you to the hospital.” Michael insisted and Dean menacingly chuckled.

“I’m not your BOY! When we’re not fucking, you don’t get to tell me what to do!” Dean sneered and it only pissed Michael off.

“Listen to me! You give me the keys or I take it from you! I’m pretty sure the odds are in my favor. You’re going to the hospital whether you like it or not!” Michael commanded and Dean sighed. The younger man reached into his pocket then handed Michael the keys.

They didn’t waste another moment.

Michael started driving as soon as Dean was in the passenger seat. The ride was silent except for a few small groans that escaped Dean’s mouth. Michael wasn’t the type to be scared so easily, he’s taken worse hits and fights before but for some odd reason, his heart wouldn’t settle. It beat as fast the Impala speeding through every red light. He made note to pay for everything.

Dean was gradually losing consciousness but Michael wouldn’t have any of it.

“Hey, HEY! Stay with me alright! Don’t close your eyes.” Michael said as he glanced back and forth between the man next to him and the road.

“I’m fine. I told you I’m fucking fine…” Dean mumbled as he shook his shoulders at Michael. Michael shook his head in disbelief.

“You’re even more stubborn than I thought. What were you doing back there?” Michael asked and tried to sound as calm as possible. He was failing.

“None of your damn business.” Dean spat out and Michael leered at him.

“Yes it is my damn business! I just saved your life dammit!” Michael shouted and Dean coughed, some blood spluttered on his leather jacket.

“Yeah you didn’t have to- I didn’t ask for your damn help!” Dean tried shouting back but failed.

Michael shook his head then kept his eyes on the road. He didn’t wanna argue any further. Not while Dean was like this. Dean looked at him, expected something snarky but Michael wouldn’t let up.

They drove in silence for the rest of the trip. With the exception of Dean coughing.

***

 

Thankfully the made it to the hospital in time. Michael made sure Dean didn’t pass out during the rest of the drive. The younger man was rushed to the emergency room while Michael gave details to the doctor. The doctor suggested calling the police but Michael declined, somehow, he had a feeling that Dean didn’t want the law involved. Besides, Michael claimed it as a random public assault and withheld the part where he broke attacker’s wrist.

The doctor also asked if he needed treatment for the knife wound. He declined as well, demanded that they focus on Dean.

For a few hours, Michael waited. Waited and waited until a nurse approached him. She had dark hair and blue eyes. Her skin was as fair as the moonlight and her name badge went by the name ‘Tessa’.

“Hello, are you Dean’s friend?” nurse Tessa asked and Michael nodded. “He’s been stabilized. Luckily he didn’t lose that much blood however we’ll have to keep him here until he has recovered. The knife didn’t puncture too deep and his internal organs are fine as far as we know. You can go home and rest, we’ll call you if-,”

“I’d rather stay. If I may…please?” Michael pleaded and Tessa nodded.

“Certainly. What was your name?” Tessa asked and Michael was about to say ‘Mike’ like he usually would but somehow, he had a feeling that he could trust Tessa.

“Michael.”

Tessa smiled. “Very well. My name is Tessa and I’ll be around if you need anything.” She bid him good bye then left him to sit in solitude.

Michael sighed and buried his face in his hands to contemplate on how wrong the night just went.

He didn’t even care about his injury or if he had to stay in the hospital tonight and tomorrow. His siblings could take care of themselves for now because Michael couldn’t be there. Or rather, he didn’t feel like facing them. Not when he got himself tangled in this mess.

More importantly, he didn’t want to leave. His feet planted firmly on the floor as he waited for dawn. When hopefully, he would know that everything will be alright.

That Dean would be alright.

***

 

**-Michael-**

Around three years ago, Michael was sitting on the same spot in the same hospital wing where he waited for Dean to get better.

Gabriel went to Castiel and Sam’s school while Michael drove Dean to the hospital. The older Winchester was rushed to the emergency room to check for any signs of injury. To his relief, the doctor said that Dean was fine and Michael could go visit him.

Michael thanked the doctor, got up then proceeded to Dean’s room. It was the exact room where Dean was held and Michael chuckled at the irony.

No matter how much time had passed, he always ended up in here. Waiting for Dean to wake up.

Someone opened the door and Michael turned around to see a nurse with familiar features. She was dark-haired, blue eyes and the complexion of moonlight. There was no mistaking it.

“Michael?” The nurse said and Michael almost slumped upon realizing that someone or something out there was playing some sort of sick game with his life.

“Hello Tessa.” He greeted and Tessa smiled brightly.

“I knew it was you from the moment I saw you out in the hallway- what are you…” she was about to ask then noticed Dean’s sleeping form on the bed. “Oh my god! It’s Dean! He’s here that means-,”

“He remembers!” Tessa enthusiastically exclaimed then ran up toward Michael to wrap her arms around him. “I can’t believe it’s finally happened! He’s back! You two are back together!” Tessa said into Michael’s ear when the door clicked as Gabriel held it open while Castiel and Sam followed from behind. They were mid-conversation when they stopped to see Tessa clinging onto Michael.

“Oh my- Are we interrupting anything?” Gabriel asked and a Cheshire smirk began to form on his face. Michael could tell that a headache was about to start.

Tessa looked at the party then back to Michael in confusion.

Castiel and Sam stood nervously then saw Dean’s unconscious form.

“Oh my god Dean!” Castiel cried out then ran straight to cradle Dean’s face with his hands. His expression was painted with great worry and overwhelming affection. Michael tried to suppress a twinge from the back of his head.

Sam stood behind Castiel to look at his older brother. He was just as worried as Castiel. “How is he nurse?” Sam asked Tessa.

“He is fine. He will be unconscious for several hours…” Tessa looked at all of them. “Excuse me but who are you?” Tessa asked with more emphasis toward Castiel’s direction. She caught Castiel’s attention who turned to her while simultaneously caressing Dean’s face.

“I’m very sorry, we got carried away. My name is Castiel, this is Sam, Dean’s younger brother.” Castiel pointed at Sam. “And my older brother, Gabriel.” Gabriel waved at Tessa then the nurse returned her gaze to Castiel. “We came as soon as we heard.” Castiel continued to caress Dean tenderly and affectionately. Tessa gave Michael a confused look.

Michael stood firmly, expression blank.

“How are you associated with the patient?” Tessa clinically asked and Castiel looked up, he looked slightly annoyed by her interruption to his tending.

“I am Dean’s boyfriend.” Castiel replied as if that wasn’t obvious already.

Tessa slowly turned to Michael who quickly realized the predicament of the situation.

It’s been three years and he had a lot of explaining to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Dean's an adorkable boyfriend. 
> 
> What do you think Tessa meant?  
> Michael's in a pickle now.


	6. Chapter 6- Stranded Ships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael waits for Dean to wake up, falls asleep and dreams about Dean waking up in the hospital, three years ago.
> 
> Past Dean and Past Michael get in a heated argument.
> 
> Tessa is very mad at Michael but also feels sorry for him. But not as much as Michael being mad and sorry for himself.
> 
> -
> 
> “Because Dean is now in a relationship with my brother. Because I’ve never seen my brother happier and the same goes for Dean. The way they look at each other...” Michael muttered and Tessa was rendered speechless.
> 
> “They look at each other with so much promise, so much happiness and so much love…” Michael glanced at Dean’s door before returning to Tessa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay people! This chapter will be the start of a long road of Michael/Dean chapters. 
> 
> I can finally start writing sexy times and ample amounts of porn. 
> 
> Stay tuned and I hope you like this chapter. It has a lot of emotions- especially confusion.

**-Michael-**

Shock was written all over Tessa’s face as Castiel confessed that he was Dean’s boyfriend. The nurse turned to Michael with even more confusion and worry.

After Tessa explained Dean’s condition to everyone, Michael asked her to leave the room with him. So they could talk. Gabriel gave Michael irritating vibes, he was probably procuring some sort of nonsense in his head but Michael wouldn’t have any of it. Especially not when Castiel was in the room and Tessa could potentially reveal his secret.

The nurse followed him outside but Michael was wary of the surroundings, he didn’t want anyone to unexpectedly hear anything.

“Care to explain what just happened in there?” Tessa started and Michael pleaded to lower her voice but she wouldn’t let up. “No don’t hush me Michael Novak! Why is Dean with another man and why are you acting so strange?”

Michael checked the door to Dean’s room again, just in case anyone was about to open it.

“Tessa, I can’t talk about it right now however I need you to do me a huge favor.” Michael begged but Tessa didn’t seem amused.

“Why would I do that? I haven’t heard from you in years. You never called, you never replied to my messages and emails! You didn’t even have the courtesy to keep me in the loop!” Tessa hissed then Michael heard the door open.

“Hey Mikey! Can I talk to you for a minute?” Gabriel asked and worry prickled the back of Michael’s neck. He begged Tessa with his eyes. Silently pleaded to continue their conversation elsewhere.

Tessa sighed then gave Michael a faint smile.

“I’m gonna go but don’t think this conversation is over. I know your contact details and where you live. You will explain everything to me before Dean leaves these premises!” Tessa threatened before she disappeared somewhere in the hospital. Michael went back into Dean’s room. Gabriel was expecting him while Sam and Castiel were talking about Dean.

The smile on Gabriel’s face only meant bad news. “Is there something you need to tell me, Michael?” Gabriel asked and Michael was afraid. Gabriel never intimidated him before however he was paranoid that his brother heard something or found out about the truth.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Gabriel.” Michael denied it. It was the only way to salvage, whatever secret he had.

“Oh don’t be like that Mikey! I know something is going on between you and that sexy nurse! You dog! I thought you didn’t swing that way! You were always a man’s man if you catch my drift. Gabriel wriggled his eyebrows and Michael rolled his eyes.

“You’re absurd.” Michael responded then realized that Gabriel didn’t know anything. “Tessa is none of your business.”

“Ohhhhh! Is that her name? Tessa? Beautiful, just like everything about her!” Gabriel said then Michael sighed. His brother was a hopeless cause.

“Think whatever you like, I do not need to explain myself to you.” Michael sneered and Gabriel chuckled. “Oh you don’t have to. If Cassie, Samsquatch and I arrived any later, I’m pretty sure you would’ve done the dirty next to a patient. Next to Dean of all people!”

Michael just rolled his eyes and ignored his brother who continued to tease him about Tessa. His attention was elsewhere, it was focused on the unconscious Winchester before him.

***

 

**-Three years ago-**

He didn’t want to sleep overnight however his exhaustion got the better of him. When he woke up, he had a blanket draped around him. One of the doctors approached him and told him that Tessa went home and that it was okay to visit Dean. Once inside Dean’s room, he saw the boy awake and staring outside the window. Michael cleared his throat to get his attention.

“Hello Dean.” Michael greeted and Dean scowled at him.

“What are you doing here?” Dean asked bitterly and Michael paid it no mind.

“I’ve been outside waiting. I came here because I had to- I had to see how you were doing.” Michael replied and Dean gave him a death stare.

“I’m just peachy, thanks for asking. You can close the door when you leave, preferably soon.” Dean stated then returned his gaze to the window.

Michael sighed, despite everything, Dean was still not in good terms with him.

“Dean…listen about last night, I just wanted to know why you were in a dark alleyway with a felon.” Michael couldn’t find a better way of putting it but Dean interrupted him. “Look I didn’t know the guy was a psychopath alright? Like I said before it’s none of your business.”

There was a short pause.

“I understand if we parted in bad terms but I still saved your life. I am trying to be civil here, all I ask is that you give me the same courtesy-,” Michael pleaded then Dean snorted.

“Courtesy? Okay fine. Thanks for saving my ass even though I never asked for it and I could handle myself. Now are you happy? Are you satisfied?” Dean snapped back and Michael sneered at him.

“I accept your gratitude though it was insincere…but that doesn’t answer my question, why did you put yourself in such a dangerous situation.” Michael asked again.

“You really want the truth?” Dean asked and Michael nodded.

“I was giving the guy head alright? I lurked around to see if anyone was interested, I just happened to stumble upon some sicko.” Dean grunted then a pang of guilt spread in Michael’s chest.

“That was very stupid of you.” Michael stated then Dean glared at him.

“So what? Like you can talk! Don’t tell me that you’ve never made stupid decisions before!” Dean snarled and Michael glared back. “At least I wouldn’t put myself in danger just so I can get off.” Michael replied.

Dean huffed then crossed his arms. “I don’t need a lecture from you. Just get out and leave me alone. I never wanna see your face ever again.” Michael was tempted to.

“You’re being unreasonable. I know you can be reckless but I am just concerned about your wellbeing.” Michael reminded Dean who rolled his eyes.

“As if! You don’t want to have anything to do with me and I don’t want to have anything to do with you. So let’s just cut the bullshit and go our separate ways. Don’t let me burden you.” Dean’s words cut like daggers into Michael’s chest, but Michael knew better than to fight back. Dean was obviously in some sort of distress and Michael was going to take the high road, regardless if his patience was wearing thin.

Michael left the room in search for some pen and paper. Dean might’ve said something but Michael didn’t listen. He went to the reception and borrowed a sticky note. He wrote his number down and thanked the receptionist. When he returned, Dean had a dumbfounded expression on his face.

“What the hell are you doing back here?” Dean asked and Michael handed him the note.

“When you’re more level headed and ready to talk, my number is written on that note.” Michael pointed at the paper. “I would like to compensate for the incident. I understand that medical bills are quite expensive-,”

Dean scowled at him. “Wait hold on there buddy- I don’t want this. I didn’t ask for your freaking money!”

“Why are you being difficult? I am trying to help.” Michael shook his head.

“Well I don’t need your help! I’m not some whore that you can buy from the street! I don’t want your pity! So you can grab your number and shove it up your ass cause I’ll have nothing to do with it!” Dean shouted and Michael was trying his best not to snap back.

“Very well. At least give me a call. Let me know how you are at least.” Michael took a deep breath and turned to the door.

“Hey pal, let me get this straight. I want to have nothing to do with you. I know you’re just doing this out of guilt. Don’t force yourself to be nice or pretend that you actually care when you don’t!” Dean accusingly pointed at Michael.

“What makes you think I don’t care?” Michael tilted his head like what Castiel would do.

“Oh please, don’t give me that reverse psychology bullshit. I get it! I finally get your angle! You feed on other people’s attention then when you get bored with them, you move right along. You don’t have to pretend that you have a heart. I get it. I’m just a hole to get yourself off.” Dean scrunched up his number and threw it at Michael’s face and he caught it with his hands.

“Is that what you actually think of me?” Michael’s nose flared.

“It’s not what I think! It’s what you truly are! You’re just a self-centered pretty boy narcissist who toys around with people’s feelings and treats everyone like dirt just so you can feel better about yourself! I don’t want your fucking money nor do I need it! I don’t ever wanna feel indebted to the likes of you!” Dean shouted then Michael stepped forward and slapped the boy on the face.

The loud slap silenced Dean’s mouth.

“I’m very sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” Michael withdrew his hand and it twitched a little. A few seconds pass and Dean looked away, his green eyes were teary. Michael headed to the door before he returned his gaze on the boy, who stared at the window.

A sinking feeling of regret spread inside Michael’s gut. “I would like to hear from you soon.” He stated before opening the door.

“Yeah don’t count on it.” Dean bitterly replied then Michael was off.

He went straight to the reception and paid for Dean’s medical bills. Regardless of what Dean said, Michael was true to his word. He wanted to recompense Dean for the incident and he didn’t need the other man’s approval to do it.

After it was done, Michael excused himself and ignored the twinge of pain in his shoulder. The gash was healing but it was nothing compared to the pain in his chest. He wanted to cry but all he could do was wave for a cab to drive him home.

Once at home, he declined answering anyone’s questions but stopped as soon as Castiel bumped into him. His baby brother had concern written all over his face but Michael couldn’t face him. Instead, Michael locked himself in his room and ignored Gabriel’s calls. His brother banged on the door, asking what happened and if Michael was alright. Eventually, Gabriel gave up when Michael didn’t answer.

In his room, Michael sobbed as Dean’s words pierced through his skull.

Perhaps Dean was right. Maybe Michael was indeed self-centered and narcissistic. Maybe he never cared about others and only used them to satisfy his thirst for attention.

However Dean was wrong in a way. Michael did want to help. He would have helped anyone in a similar situation. But somehow, Dean hurt him more than he expected. He understood that the boy was distressed by Michael’s rejection however Dean took it too far.

Michael wanted to help. Not because he would gain attention from it but rather, it was the right thing to do.

It was something he reminded Castiel over and over. He was supposed to protect those who were weaker. Those who needed it the most.

It was righteousness. Not vanity.

Even though Michael expected Dean to call, he didn’t want the boy to call at the very moment. Not when he cried his eyes out and cursed himself under his breath.

He was angry but more than that, disappointed. Disappointed in himself.

He was supposed to be a role model for his siblings, not their disappointment.

Maybe he overestimated himself when he said that he could take care of his siblings. When in fact, he couldn’t even take care of his pathetic life.

***

 

**-Michael-**

“Michael?”

A voice stirred Michael in his sleep and it forced him to open his eyes. Dean was in front of him and looked right up at his face. Two emerald green eyes vividly captured Dean’s confusion.

“Michael are you alright?” Castiel asked and Michael answered. “I am fine. I didn’t realize that I had fallen asleep.” Michael replied and his brother had a confused expression then caressed Dean’s face.

“Dean’s woken up.” Castiel smiled fondly as Dean stared at his boyfriend.

“Hey Cas.” Dean said and reached an arm around Castiel’s waist before he returned his gaze to Michael. “Michael…” Dean said softly then looked around. Confusion masked the Winchester’s face which worried Michael.

“Where am I?” Dean asked Castiel and Michael’s brother smirked. “You’re in the hospital babe. You feel unconscious due to one of Gabriel’s pranks and Michael rushed you here. I was at school when it happened and I was so worried about you. I tried to miss some classes today but final exams are coming up…” Castiel admitted with great annoyance but then he turned to Michael with a bright expression. “However Michael stayed in here and waited for you to wake up! Isn’t that right Michael?” Castiel gave Michael an expectant look and Michael nodded in return.

Castiel then gave Dean a kiss on the cheek but the older Winchester did not leave his gaze from Michael.

Michael gulped. The look on Dean’s face was anything but dangerous. He couldn’t afford for the Winchester to remember anything.

Not now, not ever.

The door suddenly opened then Tessa appeared with a tray of food and a lovely bright smile.

“Ah! You’re finally awake! Did you have a good sleep?” Tessa asked and Dean stared at her, eyes scanned closely as the nurse put the tray of food down.

“Uh yeah…I guess I did.” Dean replied then went back to staring at Michael.

Michael breathed heavily, panic filled his lungs.

“Oh that’s good. Do you remember anything?” Tessa asked and she darted Michael a look. Michael was about to shake his head when she returned her gaze to Dean who looked more confused as ever.

“Actually I just told him what happened. As you said before, he might have trouble remembering things after hitting his head.” Castiel answered as he tenderly scratched Dean’s scalp. Tessa nodded and smiled sarcastically at Michael.

“Did he now? What a coincidence! It would be such a shame _if we don’t help him remember_ …” Tessa darted Michael a suggestive look but Michael quickly interjected.

“When will Dean be discharged?” Michael asked and Tessa raised an eyebrow at him.

“Dean may leave whenever he wishes to leave. Although I recommend he stay a while longer, just in case _we could help him remember a few other things_ …” Tessa’s tone lowered at the end and Michael panicked. “That won’t be necessary-,”

“Oh so now you’re an _expert_ on memory loss? By all means Michael, tell us what you _really_ think.” Tessa interrupted. Michael just stared at her with irritation while she gave him a challenging look.

Michael knew that Tessa was tormenting him, after years of ignoring her.

“I think we should leave for Dean to decide.” Michael turned to Dean and Castiel. His brother looked confused as ever at his exchange while Dean just stared at them. As if he was remembering something and Michael prayed.

He prayed for some higher power to give him mercy and that Dean didn’t remember.

Dean looked at Castiel for a moment before he thought of a reply. “I think I’m good to go.” Dean said and relief spread in Michael’s chest, much to Tessa’s irritation.

“Are you sure? You don’t think you need to stay any longer?” Tessa asked and Dean nodded before he gave Castiel a smile.

“Yeah I’m sure.” Then Dean held Castiel’s hand. Tessa sighed then she darted Michael a death stare.

“Very well. I shall go retrieve your discharge papers.” Tessa said with a smile before heading to the door. “Oh Michael…” Tessa grabbed Michael’s attention while Dean and Castiel exchanged loving words to each other.

“Could you please accompany me to the office? I need to clarify a few things before the hospital discharges Dean.” Tessa said then turned to Castiel and Dean with a smile on her face.

“Sure I will accompany you.” Michael said then Castiel called out. “Do I need to come with you and Michael?” He asked Tessa.

“No it’s fine. I just need Michael, you can stay here with Dean. We won’t take long.” Tessa replied and Castiel nodded with a smile.

Michael followed Tessa out of the room and they walked a god distance away from the room before Tessa shoved Michael to the wall.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t say anything when we go back in there!” Tessa threatened and Michael tried to becalm her.

“One good reason!” She pointed her index finger to his face. Michael sighed in dismay.

“Because you shouldn’t.” Michael said but Tessa rolled her eyes in annoyance. “It’s the right thing.” She threw her head back from the lack of interest.

“Oh HORSE SHIT! Don’t give me that!” Tessa shouted and Michael looked around in panic as other people were starting to stare.

“Could you please calm down? You’re a nurse! You work in here!” Michael pleaded.

“I don’t care! I don’t care what you say or what everyone here thinks!” Tessa shook her head then pointed at the door to Dean’s room. “That in there? THAT is wrong! THIS is wrong and YOU’RE WRONG!”

Michael tried interrupting but Tessa hushed him with a finger. “I waited and waited and so did you! You never called. You never mailed. Hell a simple hello would have been great but no, you never returned any of my calls and messages, then after all this time- Dean comes back and he doesn’t-,” Tessa winced and covered her mouth with a fist.

Tears started to build in her eyes.

“He still doesn’t remember anything! He doesn’t remember you. He doesn’t remember me. Tell me one good reason why he shouldn’t know about everything?” Tessa asked again and this time Michael surrendered.

He couldn’t hide it anymore.

“Because of Castiel.” Michael stated and he took a moment to look at the floor between him and Tessa. Guilt corroded his insides, like poison from a snake bite.

“Because Dean is now in a relationship with my brother. Because I’ve never seen my brother happier and the same goes for Dean. The way they look at each other...” Michael muttered and Tessa was rendered speechless.

“They look at each other with so much promise, so much happiness and so much love…” Michael glanced at Dean’s door before returning to Tessa.

“To remind him now, will only get in the way. It will only ruin what they have and it’s not right. They’re perfect for each other.” Michael admitted and he felt more hurt than guilt in his system.

“Please try and understand. My brother’s current happiness is more important than my own. Please don’t tell them. I beg you…please.” Michael pleaded and Tessa stared at him long and hard.

“The great Bald Eagle, on his knees and begging for mercy, this is…this is quite a rare opportunity.” Tessa said and Michael chuckled. “Well savor it while it lasts.” He replied.

“Don’t be cocky. I’m still mad at you.” Tessa pointed and Michael raised his hands in surrender.

She sighed then bit her lower lip in irritation. “God this is such a mess. How could this happen? You were supposed to help him remember and you didn’t! You lied and hid from me! And before I know it- Dean left town without a trace. Without even remembering anything! How could you do that? How could you-,” Tessa stooped as if realizing something.

“You’re still not killing yourself over what happened?” Tessa asked and Michael reluctantly hushed her.

“Don’t. I’m way past that incident and I can assure you, it has nothing to do with why I am keeping things from Dean. This is strictly for Castiel and Dean’s benefit. Nothing more.” Michael claimed but Tessa didn’t seem convinced.

“I don’t believe you.  I don’t think you’re only doing this because of your brother.” Tessa raised him an eyebrow. “I am having a hard time believing you right now. All this time, you’ve been keeping yourself locked away so that you’d never have to explain yourself to anyone. Especially to me.” Tessa narrowed her eyes and Michael frowned in guilt.

“If you wish to buy my silence, I have some terms: first up you’re contacting me as soon as Dean is discharged. I know where you live Michael and I’ll hunt you down like the grim reaper.” Michael tried to protest but Tessa hushed him up.

“Secondly, you’re going to tell Dean the truth eventually. It doesn’t have to be now. It doesn’t have to be in the immediate future but you’ll tell him. Promise me you will. You’ll find the perfect moment to do it and you will tell him and it will be all over. Promise me you’ll finally end this farce because let’s face it. You’ve put yourself through so much already. I don’t want you to suffer anymore.” Tessa finished and Michael took a moment to think about it.

“If I don’t?” As if Michael didn’t already know.

Tessa smiled devilishly. “Otherwise, I’ll look through Dean’s records and find out where he lives. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if his nurse turns up with news about his past engagement.” Michael tried shutting her up but to no avail, Tessa had a finger pointed at him threateningly.

“I won’t tell your brother. He’s sweet and he doesn’t deserve to hear it from anyone other than you and Dean.” Tessa looked at Dean’s room then back to Michael. “So we have a deal? Or do you wanna do this the hard way?”

Michael sighed in defeat. “Very well. I agree with your terms.” Then Tessa smiled.

“I still don’t believe you but your promise will do for now. Especially since I have a way to reach Dean this time around.” Tessa menacingly threatened.

“You know that it’s illegal to look through your patients’ medical records for personal reasons.” Michael backfired.

“Oh don’t even think that you can scare me Michael. Even with your Godfatherly powers, I know your greatest weakness.” Tessa raised an eyebrow at him and flicked her hair to the side while Michael followed her to the reception desk.

“And what would that be?” Michael asked while Tessa requested for Dean’s discharge papers. She flipped through a yellow folder before closing it then glanced at Michael.

“Dean. Dean Winchester of course.” Tessa smugly smiled while Michael stood there with a blank expression on his face. “You don’t think I haven’t noticed the tender loving way you look at Dean. I remember because that’s how you used to look at him and some things never change.” Tessa pushed a button and the printer started to make a whirring sound.

“Don’t underestimate my observation skills Michael, I know deep down, you’re still head over heels for that man.” Tessa grinned as the printer printed Dean’s papers.

“You’re still madly in love with him.” She handed the papers and a pen to Michael before walking away.

“You’ve done this for him before. You know what to do.” Tessa said then Michael stared at the papers in front of him.

Though he hated to admit it, Tessa was right. There was a reason why Michael lingered whenever Dean was around or the way he stared at the other man whenever Dean interacted with Castiel.

Michael was still in love with Dean and he was jealous. He was envious of Castiel for having the one man he would give the entire world to.

He was still very much in love with Dean Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! The current Michael has realized that hes still madly in love with Dean.  
> I'm about to show you just how much he did (and will) though the next following chapters. 
> 
> I shall be exploring kinks and hopefully write some amazing smut!
> 
> Happy reading and stay tuned!  
> Lemme know what you guys think will happen or if you have a comment on any of the characters.


	7. Chapter 7- Twist of Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past Michael met Dean again in a twist of fate. 
> 
> Bobby treats Michael like a second son.
> 
> Castiel and Dean won't leave each other's side.
> 
> Past Dean asks Michael out on a date.
> 
> -
> 
> “I think everything happens for a reason.” Michael said and Bobby scowled at him.
> 
> “Yeah but that don’t mean you have to accept it. I remember the first time you went on a date with Dean. It was no accident either. It was…” Bobby tried to look for the words.
> 
> “Destiny.” Michael finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remembered that i had to put this in before the really explicit stuff happens.  
> Anyway, here's another chapter to make you feel even more sorry for Michael than you already are.

**-Around three years ago-**

After several days of moping around the house, Michael finally snapped and decided that his world didn’t have to revolve around Dean’s words. Plus, he wasn’t going to stay in his room and wait for a call that was probably never gonna happen. Not when Dean hated his guts.

His siblings helped. Luke annoyed him even less, though he keenly asked about Michael’s shoulder injury. Michael made up a story about a bar fight which made Luke and his other siblings dismiss further questions.

He wasn’t too thrilled to confess that he was going out every weekend. He didn’t specify what he did other than the scuffle because Luke and Gabriel already knew. He was the one who introduced the scene to Gabriel after his brother broke up with that woman, Kali. Although, he was surprised by Anna’s lack of surprise. She knew Michael went out and she didn’t care what he did. She was also aware of Michael’s sexual preference and since Luke and Gabriel were openly sexually promiscuous, she was very not surprised.

Michael made sure that Castiel didn’t know. He didn’t want his baby brother to think of him differently and he made everyone promise not to tell the youngest Novak. Not until Castiel was old enough at least. Luke and Gabriel had doubts that Castiel would get it but Anna said that Castiel probably already knew and had no qualms about it.

Nevertheless, Michael didn’t want Castiel to know. Not when his baby brother looked up to Michael with pride. Michael did not want to tarnish his image to the one person who needed him the most.

Speaking of which, Michael was due for a much needed time away from his room and to do that, he drove to pick up some groceries. He couldn’t allow Luke and Gabriel to feed everyone junk food and sweets.

Before he could make it to the grocery store, he noticed that his car sounded strangely and realized that it’s been a while since he had his car checked by a mechanic. He remembered a salvage yard not far from town which Gabriel recommended to him.

Michael drove in that direction in hopes that his car wouldn’t spontaneously combust.

Luckily for him, he made it to ‘Singer Salvage Yard’ just in time for his car to break down. He ran inside because he couldn’t wait to buy the ingredients for his famous salad which Luke and Gabriel absolutely hated. Those two were too unhealthy.

As he stood at the reception, he heard a familiar voice call out from inside. “Coming!”

Perhaps Michael’s famous salad would have to wait.

Dean was standing right in front of him with just as much surprise on his face as Michael did.

***

 

**-Michael-**

After Dean returned from the hospital, his family was thrilled to see him. John and Mary arrived to pick him up while Michael paid for the medical bills since Castiel didn’t have a job.

Gabriel wanted to pay however he spent more time arguing with John over the incident while Sam and Mary scolded their boyfriend and husband to stop.

Castiel and Dean remained inseparable. Dean would either be touching Castiel in some way or Castiel holding Dean in his arms. It was as it should be, Michael thought. Regardless of everything that happened, at least Dean and Castiel loved each other very much.

Back in Dean’s home, the Winchesters invited their friends to come over and celebrate Dean’s recovery. Michael thought it was sweet on how much the Winchesters cared about their loved ones. Especially when it came to Sam and Dean. John and Mary did everything to show how much they cared about their sons.

And Michael respected them for that.

Even though he didn’t have parents, he would do the same for his siblings.

Food and drinks were served and as usual, Michael helped Mary prepare everything. He wanted to help out, as much as he could. It was because Mary kind of reminded Michael of his mother, _Stella Novak._

Once the guests started to arrive, Mary and Michael were setting the table.

“Thank you very much for helping Michael. You really didn’t have to.” Mary thanked him and Michael gave her a smile.

“It was nothing Mary. It was the least that I could do.” Michael said as he arranged the lasagna on the table.

“That’s not true. You bent over backwards to help my son. I am pleased that you care very deeply about Dean.” Mary said then rested a hand on his shoulder.

“I am only doing my part as Castiel’s brother.” Michael tried to hide the blush on his face.

“Oh you don’t have to be modest! You do care about Dean…perhaps as much as Castiel does.” Mary whispered and Michael looked at her with full blown eyes.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked while he tried to hide the panic in his tone.

“I think you know what I mean Michael.” Mary gave him a knowing look as she put on two oven mittens. Michael was left speechless as Mary hummed casually.

“I don’t…I ‘m not-,” Michael tried to deny it but he couldn’t get the words: ‘I’m not in love with your son’ out of his mouth.

“It’s okay.” Mary held his hand. “Your secret is safe with me.” Michael flushed upon the realization that Mary was aware of his feelings toward her son. Furthermore, Mary was willing to hide it.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” John cried out as Michael realized that he was holding Mary’s hands. Gabriel poked his head behind the older Winchester.

“Ohhh Mikey! You’re also into MILFs now? You kinky dog!” Gabriel howled while Michael denied it. “I’m not-,” John stepped in between Michael and Mary. Michael merely bowed his head in shame.

“If you lay a finger on my wife again, I’ll kill you.” John snarled and Mary slapped his back.

“Stop it John! I was just saying thank you for saving our son- you know, the one who we’re doing all this for?” Mary said with a commanding voice which made her husband bow his head.

“Well you didn’t have to hold his hand for that.” John defended but Mary only raised an eyebrow.

“Please! You’re too old to be getting all possessive. You know that you’re the only one for me.” Mary said and John blushed.

“Well I can’t help getting jealous when you’re all beautiful and holding the hand of a younger and more attractive man.” John whispered but everyone in the room heard it.

Mary just rolled her eyes and laughed. “Oh John, you’re more handsome to e, don’t forget that and I love you.”

John smiled. “I love you too.” The married couple proceeded to coddle each other while Michael took the opportunity to leave the room before John attacked him again.

In the other room, there were familiar faces. Sam and Gabriel were bickering about something in front of a young woman who was called Jo. Her mother Ellen was talking with Dean and Cas. The couple couldn’t be away from each other for longer than a minute. Then there were others such as Garth and Ash but what took Michael’s attention was the gruff older man who glared at him.

It was none other than Bobby Singer.

***

 

**-Three years ago in Singer’s Salvage Yard-**

“Get out.” Dean commanded and it pierced Michael’s core.

“I didn’t-,”

“I said get out.” Dean interrupted but Michael couldn’t move. Dean glared at Michael while Michael tried to get some words out. All this time, Dean worked very close to where Michael lived. He was starting to think that Dean wasn’t from around here, considering the fact that he only saw Dean during weekends.

The boy was red with fury but at least he didn’t look as pale and distressed as he was back in the hospital.

“I didn’t know you worked here.” Michael confessed but Dean didn’t seem pleased.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? I said get out!” Dean barked out then an older man appeared behind the boy.

“What’s going on here Dean?” the older man asked and Dean looked panicked. “It’s nothing Bobby. Just-just go back inside.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do in my own shop boy! And I don’t appreciate your tone toward my customers.” The man named Bobby scolded. Dean huffed then continued to glare at Michael.

Bobby then turned to Michael. “My name’s Bobby Singer and I own this salvage yard. I apologize for this boy’s behavior here.” Bobby ruffled Dean’s hair insisting that Dean apologized.

“I’m not saying sorry.” Dean spat out and Bobby leered at him. “He usually means well unless you’re a jackass.” Bobby said to Michael.

Michael was speechless at the older man’s abrupt way of handling potential customers. Luckily for him, Michael wasn’t just any regular customer.

“It is fine. My name is Michael.” Michael realized that he just said his real name but paid it no mind.

“You know Dean?” Bobby asked and before Michael could answer, Dean interrupted. “Nope. Never seen the guy before but he’s definitely not welcome here.”

Bobby looked at Dean with anger. “What the hell is the matter with you boy?”

“I can explain.” Michael interjected and Dean threw him a death stare. “I was the one who rescued Dean last weekend.” Michael admitted and Dean groaned in frustration.

“You’re the guy who saved his ass?” Bobby pointed at Dean but kept a sharp gaze at Michael. Michael nodded. “Well I’ll be damned! I should be thanking you for taking care of this knucklehead! Heard you even paid for everything.” Bobby said and Michael chuckled.

“It was the least I could do-,” Michael was interrupted when the older man wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.

“Thank you. Thank you son. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happens to that boy.” Bobby sniffled and Michael looked at Dean with surprise. Dean pouted and crossed his arms.

“You’re very welcome. I am just relieved to see Dean from harm’s way.” Michael said then solemnly looked at Dean.

“You’ve done good.” Bobby patted his shoulder and it’s been a while since Michael felt someone pat his shoulder. From a father-figure no less.

Not since his own father.

“Anyway- what brings you here?” Bobby asked and Dean stepped forward.

“He followed me here! He’s a creepy stalker!” Dean cried out and Bobby snapped him a look.

“Shut your pie hole boy! You’re in enough trouble as it is! You should be grateful that I didn’t tell John and Mary about this otherwise they’d drive all the way down here and kick your ass for being an idjit!” Bobby commented but Michael had to clear some things.

“Actually, I did not know that Dean presided in this place. My car broke down and I need someone to check on it.” Michael pointed his thumbs outside.

“You can bet that Dean will fix your car and for free.” Bobby stated and Dean whined. “Hey!”

“Don’t ‘hey’ me boy! You owe this man your life and you haven’t even said thanks yet!” Bobby’s nose flared.

“I said no! I’m not fixing his damn car!” Dean stomped his foot before walking off and slamming the door behind him.

“Dean! DEAN! What the hell’s gotten into that boy?” Bobby muttered to himself then moved his eyes toward Michael.

“I am sorry but I don’t think I have the right to share some things without Dean’s permission.” Michael apologized and Bobby narrowed his eyes.

“I hope Dean’s not right about you being some stalker. Rescued him or not, I’d put a bullet through your skull if you’re keeping something from me, something that I should know about.” Bobby sneered and Michael raised his hands in surrender.

“Again, I must apologize but if you wish to know more about the incident, I suggest you ask Dean. I have nothing to hide but I think it’s within Dean’s right to tell you about what really happened that night.” Michael insisted with fear in his chest.

Bobby looked at him for a moment before he shook his head in frustration. “Idjits, the lot of you. Fine! I’ll go talk some sense into that boy but don’t go anywhere- I need to know what happened from both of your mouths.” Michael nodded then the older man was off to find Dean somewhere in the building.

***

 

**-Michael-**

Three years later, Michael faced Bobby for the second time in the Winchester’s household. The first was in Sam’s birthday but Michael barely made eye contact with the older man. Michael twiddled his thumbs in a desperate attempt to answer Bobby’s question.

“Does he remember anything?” Bobby asked again and this time Michael sighed.

“No. I don’t think he has.” Michael truthfully replied but wasn’t too sure.

Dean had been giving him strange looks ever since he woke up. Michael could only pretend that nothing had changed.

“Balls!” Bobby cursed under his breath. “You’ve really given up, have you?” Bobby asked and Michael nodded.

“It’s for the best. Dean is happier and more…at peace with himself.” Michael confessed as he stared back into the Winchester’s home. He had to take this conversation outside in case Gabriel or someone appeared out of nowhere.

“That’s a load of bullshit! You can’t possibly think that! Dean can’t possibly be at peace with himself- not after everything the two of you went through! It’s impossible!” Bobby scolded Michael and the Novak shook his head.

“Bobby please…I can’t- I can’t go back to that. Dean not remembering anything was a sign that he and I were just not meant to be together. I told you this before- you even agreed…remember?” Michael pleaded and Bobby groaned in frustration.

“And it was a stupid thing to do. All of it. We never should’ve given up. You nor I should’ve given _it all up_.” Bobby placed a hand on his forehead.

“Well we did. I did and you agreed. You agreed to put this all behind and to pretend that nothing ever happened between Dean and I. You agreed to this because you knew it was the right thing to do at the time and it still is.” Michael clenched his fists.

“But Michael-,” Bobby tried to interrupt.

“No- it’s enough. We’re here to celebrate the fact that Dean was saved. Nothing more and nothing less.” Michael snarled then a voice called out from inside.

“Mikey! We’re about to pop the champagne! What the hell are you doing out there? Are you smoking again?” It was Gabriel.

“I never smoked! I’ll be right inside!” Michael growled and it sent his younger brother scurrying inside.

Bobby gave him a pitiful look. He hadn’t seen that look in a while.

“I’m sorry. I truly am. For putting you through this. I’ve been so selfish to realize how much I was asking from you. You are like a father to Dean and I should have never asked you to lie all these years.” Michael wanted to cry but he couldn’t. Not here, not now, not ever.

Bobby tightly wrapped his arms around him and Michael heard the older man sniffle. “Ya idjit! You’re like a son to me too!”

Michael was speechless for a moment then returned the hug.

“Thank you, Bobby.” Then they broke the hold.

“I tried to reach you. I really did but you changed your number, your contacts, everything. When you stopped replying, I got the message. You wanted to move on. Then this happened. Can’t believe Dean was gonna date Castiel, your baby brother of all people for god’s sakes. Fate can be quite cruel my son.” Bobby said as he patted Michael’s shoulder.

“I think everything happens for a reason.” Michael said and Bobby scowled at him.

“Yeah but that don’t mean you have to accept it. I remember the first time you went on a date with Dean. It was no accident either. It was…” Bobby tried to look for the words.

“Destiny.” Michael finished.

“Yeah. It was something like that.” Bobby said before patting Michael on the shoulder and walked back inside. Michael was left standing on the Winchester’s front yard remembering how Bobby Singer convinced Dean to go on a date with him, many years ago.

***

 

**-Three years ago-**

“No I’m not gonna do it!” Dean shouted and Bobby followed him.

“Don’t you dare boy! Michael has done more than we could ever ask for and he could’ve died trying to save your stupid ass!” Bobby shouted back.

“I didn’t even ask for his help let alone pay for the hospital bills! Why should I pay for something I never asked for?” Dean stomped his foot and Michael winced as he sat on Bobby’s couch, watching the two men shout and curse at each other.

“You ungrateful little shit! You can’t even say thanks to the person who saved your life! John and Mary didn’t raise you to be like that!” Bobby spat out.

“Don’t try to be my parent when you’re not!” Dean shouted then Bobby grabbed him by the collar of his shirt then slammed him to the wall. Michael got up on his feet to try and interject.

“You listen to me boy! I’ve had it with your nonsense! I know John can be tough on you but I tried my best to not screw you up as he did. Since I have so much respect for your mother, I volunteered to take you into my shop so you can make something out of yourself instead of moping around, telling yourself that you can’t amount to anything!” Bobby shook Dean then stopped. “I’m not trying to be your father but all I ask is that you learn how to appreciate others who would bend over backwards just to make you feel better about yourself!” Tears were starting to build around the rim of Dean’s eyelids.

“I’m sorry.” Dean mumbled then Bobby shook him some more.

“What was that boy?”

“I said I’M SORRY!” Dean cried out then Bobby let go of his shirt. Dean dropped to the ground with a thud and Michael felt out of place. He didn’t want to be a witness to this, especially since he didn’t know who to feel sorry for more. Bobby or Dean.

“Now go say you’re sorry to Michael and give him your thanks. You owe him your life.” Bobby ordered and Dean fixed his shirt before going over to Michael, apologized and said thanks.

“Don’t worry about it! Your thanks is enough.” Michael commented and Bobby shook his head.

“Nah ‘thanks’ ain’t gonna cut it. Dean-,” Bobby grabbed Dean’s attention. “Open the safe. I’ve got some cash stored.”

This time Michael shook his head. “No seriously, I don’t need you to pay me back. I just need my car fixed then I shall leave. That is all.” Michael said and Dean looked at Bobby.

The old man sighed then massaged his temples. “Go get the tool box and check his engine.” Bobby said and Dean groaned.

“Don’t sass me boy! You’re in enough trouble as it is!” Bobby shouted but Dean was already halfway out the door.

Michael and Bobby shared a look before the older man mumbled. “Idjit.”

***

 

Dean was covered in grease by the time he finished fixing Michael’s car. Michael watched Dean as Bobby told him all about the boy. Dean Winchester was Dean’s full name and he loved working with cars even though Bobby thought he could do better, maybe even got to college studying something that involved cars, but apparently Dean thought his younger brother was the only one capable of making something of himself.

Bobby disagreed with this of course and Michael nodded along. Though the older man admitted that he was surprised by the fact that Dean was interested in men. It was because Dean was a womanizer back in high school and Bobby told Michael not to repeat any of this until Dean mentioned it or else.

Michael nodded right along until Dean got cleaned up and told Michael that his car was fixed. Bobby gave Dean a look before disappearing somewhere in the house before Michael was left alone in the room with the Winchester.

“So that’s it. Your car should be fine and ready to go.” Dean said and Michael grabbed his attention. “Thank you for this.”

“You saved my life, it’s the least I can do.” Dean said and Michael was relieved that the boy wasn’t as aggressive as he was before. Dean stared outside the window while Michael did the same.

“Y’know, I don’t think Bobby’s gonna give up so easily. He thinks that it’s only fair that I pay you back for everything.” Dean stated then Michael chuckled.

“But that’s impossible, it would mean that you owe me your life…” Michael said and Dean laughed in return. More relief swelled in his chest at the sight of Dean smiling back.

“Yeah well are you sure you don’t want anything? I seriously don’t mind paying for everything. I may work for free here for a few months but I don’t mind.” Dean said and Michael shook his head.

“Like I said before- your gratitude is enough.” Michael said again and Dean shrugged his shoulders.

“Yeah but that’s not gonna cut it.” Dean clicked his tongue while thinking.

“How about we exchange numbers then we’ll discuss our terms later?” Michael suggested and Dean hummed.

“Don’t worry about it. I still got your number from last time.” Dean nervously admitted and it made Michael smile.

“I thought you threw it away?” Michael asked and Dean shook his head. “Nah I didn’t…”

Michael tried not to think too much of it especially since he and Dean just recently got back into good terms.

Since Gabriel and Luke finally stopped calling his phone, they were probably gonna send for a search party. Michael felt guilty for leaving his brothers to starve so he left and bid Bobby and Dean Good-bye. As he was driving out of the salvage yard, his phone started ringing again and he finally answered, hoping to give Luke and Gabriel some peace of mind.

“Hello.”

**Anonymous: Hey Michael…**

Michael checked his phone and it was some random person’s number. “Who’s this?” he asked the familiar voice.

**Anonymous: Turn around.**

Michael did and saw Dean on his phone, who waved at Michael while Bobby stood right next to him. “Oh…” Michael waved back.

**Dean: Bobby’s not gonna stop until I pay you back and that’s why he’s standing here next to me.**

Michael nodded and Dean could probably see him.

**Dean: I was just wondering if you wanna grab something to eat sometime. Preferably soon so I can pay you back- ow!**

Michael saw Bobby hit Dean through the rearview mirror.

“I’m sorry I didn’t quite catch that.” Michael smiled and kept his eyes on Dean and Bobby’s reflection.

**Dean: Ugh! I said will you go out on a date with me? God!**

Michael chuckled as Bobby hit Dean again. “Very well. I accept. We can discuss what to do and where to go later.” He could almost see Dean’s face through the reflection and it was red even from afar.

**Dean: Okay sweet. I’ll call you later.**

Michael chuckled. “Goodbye Dean.”

**Dean: Yeah, goodbye…**

Then Dean dropped the call.

Maybe he didn’t feel so guilty about making Luke and Gabriel wait after all.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far these are the people who know about the Michael/Dean affair:
> 
> Michael, Luke, Tessa, Bobby and the rest are tucked somewhere in Dean's memories. 
> 
> Mary knows about Michael's feelings but nothing else- she's meant to have the observations skills of a housewife and a hunter.


	8. Chapter 8- Quiet Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael worries about Castiel. 
> 
> Dean has self-worth issues and Michael will have none of that. 
> 
> Michael has never seen Pretty Woman and Dean has never been in a penthouse suite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the wait but here's the next chapter.  
> It's all in Past Michael's POV.
> 
> I hope you like it. Especially the last part ;)

**-Three years ago-**

Dean called Michael again and asked him to meet up at a local burger joint on a Thursday afternoon, after Dean’s work. Michael was on his way when the school called him, told him that Castiel was involved in a bullying incident.

Michael summoned Gabriel and they drove to the school together. When they reached the office, the receptionist redirected them to the nurse’s office. She knew Michael and was accustomed to his frequent visits. Gabriel on the other hand interrogated her but Michael was too worried to care.

He had to see his baby brother.

Michael slammed the nurse’s door open and found Castiel curled into a ball and sniffling. He almost punched the wall at the sight, the life was almost drained out of Castiel’s eyes and no words could describe what Michael felt.

“Castiel…” Michael muttered as he sat next to his baby brother who clung onto his arms around Michael’s neck and sobbed.

“Michael! I’m sorry please don’t be mad- I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Castiel cried and cried and begged for forgiveness as Michael tried comforting him.

“Don’t be sorry Castiel…you have done nothing wrong.” Castiel sniffled in his arms.

“Please don’t be mad. Please- I’m sorry…”

Michael’s jaw clenched but he said nothing. All he wanted to do was take his brother home and make everything better.

Gabriel appeared at the door and saw Castiel who clung onto Michael like his life depended on it. He took a few seconds before he moved his gaze to Michael and the brothers shared a look. Michael didn’t have to say anything for Gabriel to understand.

“C’mon Castiel, I’ll carry you.” Michael said as his fourteen year old brother sobbed on his chest. Castiel clung on his neck and Michael lifted him.

Usually Michael would devastate the principal’s office and everyone involved but Gabriel did it for him, and with more passion. From the hallway, Michael heard Gabriel screamed and shouted at the teachers and the principal. Threats were made and Michael should restrain his brother but chose not to.

He was too angry to say anything to their faces. So he let Gabriel punish them. He knew he could count on Gabriel if it mattered.

This was not the first time that Castiel was bullied but this could possibly be the worst. Castiel hadn’t cried from bullying since he was ten. That was four years ago.

Michael simply carried Castiel to the car and tucked his brother on the passenger’s seat. His expression was blank as he started driving away. And it remained blank as the ambulance and police cars arrived at the school.

He was probably going to have to get Gabriel out of prison later and his date with Dean would have to wait. For now, he had to give Castiel his full and undivided attention.

***

 

After Michael got Gabriel out from prison using his contacts, he was finally able to go on a date with Dean.

They met up at the burger joint Dean promised, only this time, it was Saturday night. Though Michael was in Dean’s company, his mind was elsewhere. He wondered if Castiel would be alright alone with his other siblings.

“Something the matter?” Dean asked and it grabbed Michael’s attention.

“My apologies, I was just thinking about something…” Michael said and Dean threw him a suspicious look.

“Hey don’t let me ruin your night. If you gotta be somewhere else, I don’t mind. I’m sure you got plenty of other guys waiting to keep you company.” Dean bit out and Michael shook his head.

“You think that I don’t want to be here? That I wouldn’t rather be with other men?” Michael asked.

“You’re the one who said it.” Dean snapped back and Michael clenched his jaw.

“For your information Dean- despite what you think of me, I have a life outside of hooking up with men. If this is your way of showing your gratitude then I think it’d be best if we take our separate ways for good.” Michael stood up and he was about to walk out the door until Dean grabbed his arm.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry okay? I didn’t know.” Dean sincerely apologized then Michael sat back down and ignored other people’s stares.

“I should apologize, you didn’t know. I overreacted when I should be grateful to you for taking me to dinner.” Michael stated and Dean smiled. “Don’t mention it.”

Michael turned his attention to the menu but Dean had his eyes fixated him. “Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong or you don’t wanna talk about it?” Dean asked and Michael nodded.

“Is all good.” Dean said and Michael shook his head.

“My bad, I meant I am fine with sharing it. If you want to know…” Michael blushed and Dean nodded. For some odd reason, Michael couldn’t stay mad at the other man.

“The reason why I cancelled on Thursday was because I was summoned to my brother’s school for another bullying incident.”

Dean interrupted. “Another?” Then Michael nodded.

“Usually I would have dealt with those incidents swiftly however it was the worst one yet and Castiel- my brother, was crying. He hadn’t cried in my arms since he was just a child.” Michael stared into blank space while Dean gave him his undivided attention.

“Sorry to hear that.” Dean said and Michael smiled softly.

“Don’t be. It is my duty, as Castiel’s eldest brother, to protect and look after him. I would do the same for my other siblings but they tend to avoid asking for help. For my help…” Michael despondently confessed and he realized that he’s never told another soul about this.

“I know how that feels.” Dean chuckled and it was unexpected.

Michael thought that Dean would judge him or look at him differently for talking about his family during a date.

“You do?” Michael asked and Dean nodded.

“I have a younger brother, named Sam, whose four years younger than me but already doesn’t take shit from anyone. Sometimes, he’d shout at me for fighting his battles, but I just couldn’t leave Sammy to fend for himself. As long as I’m around, I would do anything to protect him even if it meant getting shouted at.” Dean said and Michael something sparkle in his eyes.

It was the first time he’s seen that look from anybody else there than Luke and Gabriel. Michael chuckled to himself then it caught Dean’s attention.

“What?” Dean asked.

“Nothing. It’s just that, you remind me of my brothers somehow.” Michael confessed and he really shouldn’t be talking so much about his siblings. Especially since this was a date and not a counselling session.

“Oh really? How many brothers have you got?” Dean asked and Michael held four fingers up.

“Three, I’ve got three younger brothers and a younger sister. I am the eldest if that was not already clear.” Michael stated and Dean nodded along.

“Oh wow. Your parents have been busy.” Dean commented and Michael tried not to dwell on the innuendo that lingered.

“I don’t have parents…not anymore at least.” Michael admitted and he really should shut up about his family now.

“Oh…I’m sorry.” Dean apologized and Michael should his head.

“You don’t have to apologize for every bad thing that’s happened in my life. I’m handling it just fine.” Michael lied. His life wasn’t perfect but Dean’s heard enough.

“Yeah but that don’t mean that I can’t feel sorry for you. Believe me, we all have our problems and it’s only worse if you feel alone.” Dean said and Michael raised him an eyebrow. “I mean- whenever I say I’m sorry, it’s not because I’m looking down on you or anything…but because I want you to understand that you’re not alone. It’s my way of showing that I care even if you don’t wanna accept it. I’m gonna say sorry anyway.”

Michael was rendered speechless and Dean blushed.

“Sorry if that didn’t make any sense. Just forget about what I said.” Dean stated and Michael shook his head.

“No. I understand. I understand it completely.” Michael noted and Dean tried looking everywhere but Michael’s eyes. “And thank you. I’m glad that you care about me.” Michael smiled and Dean blushed.

“What the hell? I didn’t say I cared about you! I said I’m sorry!” Dean tried to deny it but Michael just laughed it off.

“I’m pretty sure you just admitted that you care about me which means you like me.” Michael gave Dean a cocksure smile which sent the boy blushing from ear to ear.

“Am not! This is just a one-time thing and that’s it! I don’t owe you anything after this!” Dean cried out and Michael laughed harder.

“Whatever you say.” Michael said and Dean pouted. He teased Dean a bit more until the waiter arrived and took their orders.

For a first proper date, Michael could admit that he had more fun than he would if he went to Benny’s bar.

Dean was funny and charming. Hidden underneath his handsome face, Michael could almost see the boy’s soul. Not literally but one thing was for sure.

Michael liked what he saw.

***

 

Once the date was finished, Michael walked Dean to the Impala. The black vehicle merged graciously with the night, just as Michael remembered it.

They were still laughing about a joke that Dean said. Michael avoided the topic about his family and so did Dean. Instead the younger man spoke about his passion for working on cars, just as Bobby said. As Michael speculated, Dean’s family as in another state and he was only staying over at Bobby’s for work reasons. Although Michael had a feeling that there was more to it than that.

On the other hand, Michael shared some stories that Luke and Gabriel told him. He didn’t have anything interesting to share because he spent most of his high school years trying to be the best. Luke and Gabriel however had more interesting lives than Michael.

Dean called him a nerd and Michael would usually take offence to that, only he didn’t.

Everything that came out of Dean’s mouth was interesting and entertaining, to Michael at least. Michael actually forgot worrying about Castiel for the night.

Which was strange because he never stopped worrying about Castiel.

“I had a great time.” Michael said and Dean nodded. “Me too.”

Michael stare into Dean’s eyes while they both grinned. Under the moonlight, Michael could still appreciate Dean’s handsome face.

“I should get going. Although my siblings don’t really care about my whereabouts, Mr. Singer must be worried about you.” Dean laughed at Michael’s last point.

“You did not just call Bobby Mr. Singer! If you ever say that to his face, he’ll shoot you with a shotgun full of rock salt!” Dean laughed and Michael tilted his head in confusion.

“I don’t understand. Why would he have a shot gun full of rock salt…?” Michel asked and Dean only laughed harder.

“Jesus Michael. Can’t you take a joke?” Dean stopped to catch his breath while his hand rested on Michael’s shoulder.

“Very well. I understand.” Michael nodded. “This has been one of the best nights I’ve ever had and I shall always remember it. But as you said, this was a one-time thing so I shall go.” He was about to go then Dean yanked his arm.

“Hey wait…I uhhh….” Dean stumbled and even in the dark, Michael could see him blush.

“Yes?” Michael asked and Dean fidgeted.

“I know I said this was a one-time thing and all…But that’s because I’m paying you back for saving me and…” Dean wondered for a moment and Michael tilted his head in question.

“Go on…” Michael said and Dean snapped his head up to gaze into Michael’s eyes.

“What I’m trying to say is that…we could go on another date again…that is, if you want to...” Dean muttered and Michael tried to hide the smile on his face.

“Oh is that so?” Michael teased even though he was all on board for meeting Dean again.

“Yeah! We should! Since you had to cancel on me last time…” Dean said and Michael raised his eyebrow.

“You’re saying that we should go on a date because I cancelled the first time around?” Michael asked and Dean nodded firmly.

“Yeah! That’s exactly what I was trying to say! You owe me a date since you cancelled!” Dean sounded unsure at the end.

“Is that so?” Michael teased again and Dean finally caught up with him.

“You know it so! So stop being coy about it and ask me out already!” Dean exclaimed and Michael wanted to laugh but he couldn’t find it in him to tease the boy any longer.

“Very well, Dean. Would you like to go out on another date with me?” Michael asked and Dean pouted.

“I dunno I might have to check my busy schedule first.” Dean said and Michael laughed.

“I shall leave it up to you to decide, on when we go out again.” Michael smiled brightly and Dean blushed again.

“Can we go tomorrow night?” Dean shyly asked and Michael raised an eyebrow.

“Oh so soon?” Michael asked.

“Yeah is there a problem with that or do you have somewhere else to be?” Dean said and Michael felt a hint of jealousy in his tone.

“No. I’m sure that I’m free tomorrow night.” He replied and it put a wide smile on Dean’s face.

“Great! So I’ll call you or you’ll call me or whatever...” Dean said and Michael nodded.

They shared another moment of silence while they gazed into each other’s eyes. Michael noticed Dean’s eyes travel down to his lips but suddenly he withdrew. Michael knew it was too soon.

“I better get going.” Dean muttered disappointingly and Michael nodded.

“You’re right. I shall see you tomorrow.” Michael bid him good-bye.

Dean waved at him then turned the Impala’s engine on. Michael watched as the Impala drove through the streets.

It roared and as if it wanted to let the city know that it owned the night.

***

“How do I look?” Michael asked Luke who was reading a book on his bed. His brother took one glance at his navy blue suit and pants ensemble. Michael wore a white buttoned up shirt and black shoes to match.

Luke raised him an eyebrow. “You clean up nice for a Saturday night fling. Unless you’re going out on a date which would indicate that you finally found someone! Do I hear wedding bells in the distance?” Luke laughed and Michael darted him a look.

“It’s nothing serious! Just two people who are interested in meeting up. Nothing more.” Michael muttered as he fixed his collar.

“As if! They were probably great in bed and you just wanna get in there again.” Luke snorted and Michael responded. “That’s not true. What if I’ve never had sex with them? What if I like their attention?” Which was a complete lie because Michael hooked up with Dean twice before.

Luke slammed his book shut.

“Please! You can’t honestly be dating someone without having sex with them first! It’s like buying a car without taking it for a test drive!” Michael darted him a glare.

“Never compare people to cars Luke.” Michael said and Luke rolled his eyes.

“C’mon! You’re gonna ride the guy’s ass sooner or later. But answer the question Michael. Are you finally settling down? I know what’s in that heart of yours and let me tell you, it’s not relationship quality. Or not yet at least.” Luke hissed and Michael narrowed his eyes on the reflection of his bedroom mirror.

Luke threw a pillow at him. “Who’s the poor miserable soul anyway?”

“If you are going to mess up my room, I suggest you get out.” Michael ordered and Luke rolled his eyes.

“Don’t change the subject Michael. Who’s the man that finally ensnared my darling brother’s heart?” Luke asked and Michael scoffed.

“I am not your _darling_ brother. Why are you interested? Aren’t you currently sleeping with Gabriel’s ex-girlfriend?” Michael snorted and Luke darted him a look.

“I never touched that woman. Never had the intention in doing so. She hurt our brother Michael, over and over. No one makes a fool out of us Novaks. I mean nobody.” Luke replied and Michael was looking for a tie to match with his suit.

“That’s not what Gabriel thinks. He believes that you are the worst thing in life since Eve bit the apple or Pandora opened her box, whichever mythology you wish to use…” Michael decided to go for the black one.

“He can think whatever the hell he wants- Gabriel is too naïve when he’s in love. He has too much heart that brother of ours and it will be his downfall.” Luke ran his fingers through his hair at the thought.

“Maybe it’s not a weakness, maybe he’s already experienced his downfall and the only way to go is up? I’m sure Gabriel will find someone someday but I don’t think he will fall in love with anyone soon. Not when the wound is still fresh.” Michael made a nice knot out of his tie and Luke jumped off the bed to talk to Michael in the reflection.

“Perhaps, but like I said before, he has too much heart and it’s disgusting. He could do so much better than settling down and being in a relationship! It’s too boring and nonsensical.” Luke whined and Michael raised him an eyebrow.

“You’re just saying that because you’ve never been in a serious relationship other than your right hand.” Michael chuckled and Luke darted him a glare.

“For your information, I use my left. And no Michael, so many people have thrown themselves at me but alas none of them have captured my heart.” as Luke poetically put.

“Or lack of.” Michael laughed to himself while Luke narrowed his eyes.

“One day you’ll understand what it’s like getting hurt and I can assure you-,” Luke said but Michael interrupted.

“That I’ll give up relationships altogether? Believe me when I say that I am not like Gabriel when it comes to relationships.” Michael said but Luke shook his head.

“No, you’re not naïve like Gabriel, in fact, you’re too smart to be fooled... but what I meant to say is that you’ll only want to be in a relationship even more. I know what’s in your heart Michael- getting hurt and taking challenges is not your weakness, in fact, you find some strength in it.” Michael paused at his task to listen to Luke’s words.

“However, what will truly destroy you, is giving too much love. It’s your devotion which will get the better of you someday.” Luke smiled as he whispered the words into Michael’s ear. Luke grinned then twirled as Michael ignored his brother’s creepy words. “After all, Gabriel certainly did not get his loving trait from me.” Luke turned to his side grinned sinisterly which made Michael roll his eyes.

“That is true.” Michael proceeded to fix his hair then he heard his phone ring. When he reached into his pocket, it wasn’t there anymore.

“Who’s Dean?” Luke asked and Michael quickly turned to see Luke going through his phone.

“Give me that!” Michael tried snatching it but Luke dodged him, jumped on Michael’s bed then stood at the other side.

Luke smirked. “He says he’s on his way.” Michael tackled Luke then shoved him to a wall before he snatched his phone back.

“I like it when you get all rough on me, Michael.” Luke licked his lips and Michael narrowed his eyes at his brother.

“Keep your hands away from my belongings!” Michael snarled then checked his phone for Dean’s message.

Luke purred then jumped back onto Michael’s bed. “So his name is Dean? Fascinating. What does he look like? Do you think he’s great in bed? Or have you tapped that already?” Luke wriggled his eyebrows and Michael ignored him to reply to Dean.

“I shall go. Stay out of my room and mind your own business! I don’t want your scaly fingers touching my stuff.” Michael sneered and Luke scoffed while he lied on his stomach and flicked his feet back and forth.

“You wound me brother! But answer the question! Is he hot? Do you mind sharing him?” Luke called out as Michael shook his head and headed to the door.

“Is he cut or uncut?” Luke shouted then Michael slammed the door shut.

***

 

Michael took Dean to a fancy restaurant. It was called the Seventh Gate and Michael knew the owner through one of his contacts. The owner’s son, Samandriel was acquainted to Castiel and he was in the lower years. Castiel loved the gourmet burgers in this restaurant and Michael thought it would be a nice place for a second date.

Since Dean had difficulty reading the menu, Michael helped him and the Winchester ordered the cheapest burger. In fact, he didn’t even want to order anything else other than a glass of beer to go with the burger, not even an entrée. Michael insisted and told him that he shouldn’t worry about the cost as Michael would pay for them both. Dean nodded but he remained quiet for some odd reason.

Something told Michael that it wasn’t the cost that kept Dean quiet.

“Is there something wrong?” Michael asked and Dean fidgeted. The boy blushed and Michael couldn’t get enough of it.

“It’s just that….I don’t think I belong here. In this fancy restaurant and stuff.” Dean admitted and Michael tilted his head as Castiel would.

“How so?”

Dean looked around before he answered Michael’s question. “Well for starters, I’m underdressed.” Dean looked at his red shirt, denim jeans and leather boots. The butler took his leather jacket earlier.

“Everyone here’s wearing fancy clothes, including yourself and they look at me as if I crawled out of a hole somewhere.” Dean pointed out and Michael looked around to see. There were some spectators but they all looked away as soon as Michael turned his head around.

“Pay them no mind. They’re nothing to me.” Michael said and Dean sighed.

“Yeah, well that doesn’t change the fact that they’re talking about me. Why did you bring me in here? You know this place is beyond my pay grade. I don’t belong in here. I know it, they know it and even the staff know it.” Dean said and Michael shook his head.

“Is that what worries you? You’re worried about what they think?” Michael pointed at the crowd and Dean didn’t say yes but he didn’t say no. He simply kept quiet and bowed his head with a scowl.

“If that’s the case then do you want me to correct their judgements?” Michael stood up and Dean panicked. “I can tell all of them to mind their own business or get out. I know the owner of this establishment and I can have the names of every person sitting in each table-,” Michael was about to grab the waiter’s attention when Dean asked him to sit down.

“No! Don’t! I don’t need you to do that for me. It’s nobody’s fault- it’s just…I ‘m not used to going to these places…” Dean confessed and Michael shuffled in his seat. “It’s full of people who look down on people like me: people who can’t afford fancy or luxurious things. I really don’t mind going somewhere cheap and affordable. You didn’t have to bring me here.”

Michael gave a faint smile. “I know I didn’t _have_ to but I _wanted_ to. I wanted to take you someplace nice. Somewhere different for once. I thought you’d like it.” That grabbed Dean’s attention.

“I do! I like this place, it’s just- I don’t belong here. If I could pay for half of the meal then I wouldn’t feel as bad. But I feel like a freeloader and that’s what bothers me.” Dean said and Michael chuckled softly.

“I would never ask you to pay for our meal if I know you couldn’t afford it. I offered to pay for our date without asking for anything in return other than your company. I hope you understand that I am not dating you for your financial status. I wish to spend time with you because I like having you around.” Michael confessed and the blush on Dean’s face grew redder.

“Well if you put it that way…” Dean muttered then he gazed upon his glass of beer. “But I feel like I’m Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman.”

Michael tilted his head again in confusion. “I don’t understand that reference.”

“Seriously? It’s like one of the classics- I mean…if you’re into that chick-flick stuff. Which I’m not! I just uh- it was on TV when my mom was watching it.” Dean blushed harder and Michael chuckled.

“Then I hope we can watch that movie together, some other time.” Michael said and Dean’s expression brightened.

“Yeah, maybe we could.” Dean smiled and Michael returned the expression. Their food arrived and Dean demolished his burger in record time.

Apparently, he had never tasted such a delicious burger before. Michael told himself to thank Castiel for recommending the place, later.

Michael asked Dean what the movie, “Pretty Woman” was about and Dean explained it without spoiling. Now Michael understood what Dean meant. Which led back to the topic of Dean’s presence in the restaurant.

“So that’s why I don’t like being in these places. I don’t know how rich people act, hell I don’t even know how to pretend to be rich or cultured or whatever the hell you people do.” Dean blurted out and Michael raised an eyebrow.

“You _people_?” Michael asked.

“I don’t mean it like that! What I meant to say was that- I’m nothing compared to everyone here. They all look down on me because they have every right to. I don’t have money, fortune or fame. I don’t have connections like you do so I get why they look at me that way, you know? I’m just an insignificant ant in this place.” Dean somberly stated and it annoyed Michael.

“Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s true! I’m nothing and I’ll never be as successful as anyone in this room. Hell even the butler probably gets paid more than I do. I’m worth nothing and I feel bad for making you look bad.” Dean pointed but Michael didn’t look away. Michael merely kept his focus on the boy.

“Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that about yourself. You don’t make me look bad. When you’re with me, I don’t look or feel bad, quite the opposite actually, I feel wonderful. I meant what I said about how I like having you around. You are handsome and smart, though you would never admit it. From the way you interact with Bobby, I can tell that you have great respect for him though you would never say it out loud. I could list more wonderful things about you but I know you’ll deny it. Which is why it would please me if you don’t talk about yourself in such a way. You are not nothing. Not to me and not to others. But for tonight, I want you to pay close attention to me and only me. Not anybody else.” Michael leaned closer so that Dean was looking directly at him. Only him.

“You are a beautiful person, Dean Winchester. Whenever I am with you, I forget about the time or all my other problems and responsibilities. All I can think about is how perfect this person right in front of me is.” Michael scanned Dean from top to bottom and he made sure that the boy was watching.

“I would not have you say otherwise. You are worth my time, Dean. Don’t forget that.” Michael said and Dean blushed so hard, he looked like he couldn’t move from his seat even if he wanted to.

“Do you understand?” Michael asked and Dean nodded. The boy gulped and Michael saw his Adam’s apple bounced up and down.

“Good. Now I’ll go get the check so I can take you home.” Michael waved at the butler and Dean reached for his forearm.

“Wait, I was wondering if you wanna go someplace else. Somewhere quiet, just the two of us.” Dean asked with a blush and Michael nodded.

“Certainly, I would like that.”

Once he paid for their meal, Michael and Dean left the restaurant. Dean walked less than a meter away from him and when they were outside, the boy held Michael’s hand.

“Do you know any place in particular?” Michael asked and Dean shook his head.

“Not really. I just wanted to spend more time with you.” Dean said and his hand clasped tighter around Michael’s. Michael chuckled. “Very well. I know where to go.”

***

 

“Holy shit.  You can see everything from up here!” Dean gasped as he gazed upon the city through the balcony. Michael stood next to him and did the same. He felt the night breeze sweep through his hair.

“Do you like it?” Michael asked and Dean turned to him with a bright smile.

“Hell yes! How the hell can you afford a room like this?” Dean said and Michael chuckled. He brought Dean to a penthouse suite in a hotel that Luke recommended to Michael.

“I have my ways. You said you wanted somewhere quiet. I hope this will suffice.” Michael said and Dean grinned from ear to ear.

“This is more than enough.” Dean responded then he took a step closer to Michael’s personal space.

“You know, the reason why I wanted get some time alone with you is because, I wanted to say thank you. For the date and stuff.” Dean said as he played with Michael’s tie.

“Oh? Is that the only reason why you wanted to spend some time alone? Just so you can say thanks?” Michael asked and Dean chuckled.

“No. Not really, I wanted to show you how grateful I am.” Dean smiled then leaned in to kiss Michael on the lips. Michael slid his hand around the boy’s waist and pulled him closer. Their kiss got deeper and more passionate as Dean’s tongue tasted his and sweet sensation made Michael’s eyes roll at the back of his head.

The cool night breeze did nothing to abate the heat inside Michael’s core. Dean’s taste was addictive and it made Michael want for more.

His hands slid all over Dean’s body, touching him underneath his shirt as the boy started unbuttoning it. Michael helped and soon enough, Dean was shirtless and Michael was next. Dean fumbled as he tried to unbutton Michael’s shirt, Michael was growing impatient but he waited. Just as Dean kissed him through the process.

Michael led Dean to the couch and there, they continued making out. Dean’s lips didn’t leave his for longer than a minute as they stripped their pants off and it pooled on the carpet.

Every breathy moans and gasps that escaped from Dean’s mouth, Michael swallowed. Soon enough, they were only wearing their underwear. Dean ran his fingers over the length of Michael’s cock. His green eyes gazed at it with lust and fingers curled around the garter. Dean pulled it down to release Michael’s throbbing cock. It stood proud in front of Dean and the boy did not waste another second to wrap his mouth around it.

“That’s it, good boy.” Michael urged and Dean continued to pull his underwear off while he had Michael’s member in his mouth. Michael made sure that Dean wasn’t left unattended by wriggling his feet between Dean’s thighs and it made the boy moan around his dick. Vibrations from Dean’s throat were duly appreciated by Michael.

He thrusted a little but not enough to make the boy gag. Michael smirked at the sight, the boy sucked hungrily on his cock as if Dean’s mouth was made for it. Dean’s cheeks bulged whenever Dean changed the angle, he experimented to see what else he could do.

Michael appreciated the thought but this was not a one man show. He wanted Dean naked and fast. He grabbed the base of his dick and pulled it away and Dean whimpered for more. Michael chuckled and pressed his hand on Dean’s chest, he pushed the boy’s back onto the couch. This time, he was on top of Dean, kissing the boy’s lips while his hand caressed the boy’s aching hard-on.

Dean whimpered at his touch. Michael placed his other hand on the side of Dean’s face to kiss him tenderly as Michael slid his right hand inside Dean’s briefs. His fingers curled around Dean’s cock and tugged it. He looked for the angle that would send the boy over the edge. His fingers clasped the underside then the head. He searched for that spot until Dean gasped at his grip. It was when he thumbed the slit of Dean’s cockhead and kept a firm grip on Dean’s shaft.

He kept tugging, sending Dean in the throes of ecstasy but Michael had to take some control. He stopped whenever Dean felt too overwhelmed and continued once Dean whimpered and begged for more. _How could say no to Dean when he was like this?_ Dean gyrated, searched for friction as Michael pumped and pumped. Rivulets of precome oozed out of the boy’s cockhead.

Michael used it as lube and from the sounds that were coming out of Dean’s mouth, he could tell that he was doing the right thing. Ignoring his cock, Michael continued stimulating Dean’s dick until the boy was a panting mess. Dean begged and tried to reach down to touch Michael but Michael resisted. He held the boy’s wrists up as he rubbed Dean’s cock with a faster pace. He kept the rhythm until Dean babbled nonsense.

“I’m gonna…I’m gonna come! I’m coming!” Dean came with a shout and Michael kept going. He pumped and pumped until a pool of sticky white come was on Dean’s stomach. Dean struggled, his legs tried to move but Michael kept them in check with his. He wanted to do this. He wanted Dean writhing until he was an overstimulated mess and begging.

Tears rolled out of Dean’s eyes as he whimpered _‘Please’_ to Michael but never to stop. He never once told Michael to stop.

Once Michael rode Dean’s orgasm out, he let go of the boy’s wrists. There wasn’t much point in holding them in place, especially since Dean was flaccid underneath him. Michael chuckled and praised Dean for doing well.

“You were very good Dean. So good to me.” Then Michael leaned closer to kiss Dean on the lips. The boy’s breath was ragged yet he returned Michael’s kiss. Michael trailed his fingers to Dean’s lower abdomen and coated it with Dean’s come. Thank god it wasn’t dry as he needed it for other things.

When Michael’s fingers were slicked enough, he reached below Dean’s balls and searched for Dean’s hole. His finger brushed the rim and Dean’s hole sucked his finger inside. It wrapped around his finger tightly and Dean bit his lip at the sensation. Michael slipped another finger inside as he dug deeper. His fingers scissor gently, tenderly while Dean gasped and bit his lips through the sensation.

Michael knew that Dean was still sensitive after his first orgasm and once he found that spot inside the bundle of nerves and muscles it would-

“Aah! Ah!” Dean gasped loudly as Michel found it. Michael’s fingers went in and out of Dean’s hole, they brushed the spot over and over.

Just the lustful expression on Dean’s face was enough to ignite the fire inside Michael. He pushed Dean’s legs up so he could have a perfect view of the boy’s ass. Dean’s hole glistened and fluttered after two of Michael’s thick fingers went inside.

“Hold your legs up and don’t let go. Will you be good for me?” Michael asked and Dean nodded. The boy couldn’t even speak.

Michael grinned he liked it when Dean’s all obedient. “That’s a good boy.”

Dean was even hotter like this. Exposed for Michael’s eyes to feast on but not for very long. Michael swooped down to lap on Dean’s hole. Dean kept his legs up while he groaned in pleasure. Michael pushed both his right and left index finger inside to stretch the ring of muscle and jabbed his tongue in. Dean groaned from his throat. Michael noticed the boy’s dick twitched and it started to harden again.

He smiled and continued to jab his tongue into the tight heat. He tasted Dean’s come from earlier and heard Dean screamed off the top of his lungs when Michael nuzzled his mouth on the hole. He couldn’t get enough of it.

“Please! Oh my god Michael please!” Dean begged and Michael sniggered.

He could play with Dean’s hole for hours however his dick was aching hard and it needed attention. Preferably inside something tight, warm and wet.

“I can’t hold out much longer. I need to be inside you.” Michael whispered and Dean groaned in approval. Michael’s hands clasped around Dean’s as they both held Dean’s legs up.

Michael’s cock teased Dean’s hole as it smeared precome all over. “I want to fill you up. Do you want that?” Michael asked as he leaned closer to Dean’s face. Beads of sweat covered the boy’s temple and body.

“Yes.” Dean responded as he let go of one hand and covered his face with his arm in shame. Michael thought it was adorable.

“In my jacket…there’s lube and rubber.” Dean said and Michael reached down in search of something leather. When he found Dean’s jacket, he checked the pockets and found what he was looking for.

“You were expecting to get some tonight?” Michael said as he rolled the condom on his length. Dean grinned. “Maybe. Were you?” Dean asked.

“I could’ve waited longer.” Michael said and Dean laughed. “Maybe.” Dean responded.

Michael popped the lube open and coated his fingers with a generous amount. He slicked his cock up then leaned down to kiss Dean on the lips. This time he speared his fingers around and inside Dean’s hole. Dean never failed to make the prettiest sounds during the intrusion.

Once Michael thought that Dean was loose enough, grabbed the base of his dick and angled it so that the tip was right on the rim. Dean groaned as Michael began to slide in. Even after the lube and prep, Dean was still tight. Dean’s hole tried to suck Michael’s cockhead inside but Michael felt some resistance.

“I need you to relax baby.” Michael whispered as he trailed his hands up and down Dean’s sides to sooth him.

“I’m trying to but you’re just so freaking huge.” Dean muttered and Michael felt even more aroused by the compliment.

“Here goes.” Michael said as he continued pushing in and Dean gasped. The boy was still too tight that Michael’s dick slipped out and it slid along Dean’s crack.

“Gah!” Michael gasped as Dean groaned in frustration below him.

“More lube.” Dean said and Michael grabbed the bottle and coated his fingers some more. He smeared it all over Dean’s hole and fingered the boy with one finger to sooth Dean. Dean moaned and held the sides of Michael’s face so he could put their lips together. Michael added another finger after that.

He started scissoring again before adding a third finger. Dean was soaked in sweat and mumbling nonsense.

Then a fourth finger and Dean screamed as Michael prodded Dean’s prostate. Dean was fully hard again and Michael couldn’t take it anymore.

He lined his cock up Dean’s hole, the tip caught the rim just in time for him to push inside. Dean gasped at the intrusion. Dean’s arms clung onto Michael’s neck and shoulder. Michael wrapped his fingers around his dick as he entered. Inch by inch until his dick was halfway. Dean’s ring of muscle halted his entry which meant that Michael had to wait for the boy to catch his breath. Once Dean was ready to go, he said “please” and Michael felt the ring of muscle loosening up until his cock disappeared inside Dean’s hole. He pushed further, testing how much more Dean could take.

With a couple more thrusts, his dick was all the way inside and Michael couldn’t believe the amazing sensation. Den was hot and tight around his dick, he couldn’t move yet as Dean adjusted to his girth. Luckily for Michael, his dick remained hard as expected because it needed to stretch Dean’s insides until the boy got used to him. He wriggled a little, angled his dick to see if it would brush the part-

Dean gasped louder and dug his nails onto Michael’s back. It would seem that Michael found the spot.

“Can I move?” Michael asked and Dean nodded. “Just- not too hard at first.” Dean told him and Michael smiled.

“Of course. I don’t want to hurt you.” Michael smiled and planted a kiss on Dean’s mouth before he made small thrusts. He checked to see if Dean could really handle it or if he was doing this out of imposition.

Michael didn’t want Dean to think like that.

So he kissed the boy tenderly and gave words of praise. “You’re doing well.” And “Such a good boy for me.” Michael whispered to Dean, until the boy was a whimpering mess.

“You can move harder now.” Dean said and Michael questioned. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I can handle it. I touch myself down there sometimes or I use a toy. But I’ve never put anything in there as big as yours.” Dean admitted and Michael blushed.

“You’re saying that you like having something shoved deep inside your hungry hole? Is that it?” Michael asked and Dean pleaded.

“Please-,”

Then that was it. Michael thrusted harder this time. His hips went up, just enough to feel Dean’s ring of muscle stimulate the head of Michael’s cock before pushing in and brushing over that sweet spot that made Dean’s eyes tear up. The boy begged for more and Michael simply kept giving.

“Dean.” He thrusted. “Dean.” He thrusted again as if Dean’s name was a chant.

His dick thrusted in and out at a brutal pace. His rhythm had Dean arching his back and Michael took the opportunity to slide his hands on the boy’s waist and hips, just so he could line his cock up and hit that spot inside Dean. The boy mewled and kept digging his nails on Michael’s back as Michael pumped and thrusted. He pushed inside the boy’s hungry hole to chase after his orgasm. It was building up and soon he would pump Dean full of come.

“Take it! Take my cock! Is that what you want? Answer me!” Michael ordered and Dean nodded.

“Use your words!” Michael commanded and thrusted so deep that he could almost feel Dean’s heart beat at the tip of his cock.

“Please! Michael I need it! I need your cock! I need you!” Dean answered and Michael was pleased.

“Good boy.” Michael complimented and Dean’s cock spurted all over the boy’s stomach. Michael rode Dean’s second orgasm until the boy was a whimpering and overstimulated mess.

“Ah! Michael- please! Ah!” Dean begged as he came undone on Michael’s cock. Michael didn’t even touch him, hell Dean didn’t even stroke himself but he still came and Michael was impressed.

Michael pinched one of Dean’s nipples and it drove the boy below him crazy.

“I’m not done yet Dean. I want you to come again. Could you do that for me?” Michael asked and Dean moaned.

“Answer.” Michael commanded.

“I’ll try. Michael but I don’t think I can.” Dean cried out and Michael grinned.

“Well then, I’ll just have to pound you and see.” Michael grinned sinisterly and Dean groaned as Michael pounded again and again and again. Just to see how far Dean could take him.

After a few more minutes, Dean came again only this time, his cock was flaccid and instead of thick spurts of come, a clear liquid came out. Dean no longer responded as hard as he did before. Instead, Dean’s eyes were dark with overstimulation as Michael came soon after. Michael came with a shout at the sight of the boy exhausted underneath him. The condom was filled with his come and it was trapped inside Dean’s tight heat. He collapsed on top of the boy soon after.

“Dean…are you okay?” Michael asked and Dean took a second before he replied.

“Yeah…I’m just…tired is all.” Dean blissfully said as Michael buried his head next to Dean’s ear. Michael cock twitched inside as he felt his seed slosh and slide around his cock. They stayed laying there for a while before Michael suggested. “We should get cleaned up.”

Michael was about to pull out before Dean locked him with his legs.

“But you’re still hard.” Dean noted and Michael chuckled.

“I usually come a few more times but once is enough for the night. I know that I overexerted you and I’m sorry. I should have had more control.” Michael said and Dean shook his head.

“No it’s alright. Don’t worry about me, I’m tougher than you think. If you can get off again, you can.” Dean pleaded with his eyes and Michael had to look away to decline.

“But you already came thrice. I know because that was my intention.” Michael said and Dean rolled his eyes.

“So what? You can’t honestly think that it’s alright for me to get off more than you. If you can go again then go. I might not be able to come right away but maybe later.” Dean said and Michael raised an eyebrow. “You’re not tired?”

“Nah! I can go a few more rounds. Seriously, I’m tougher than I look.” Dean chuckled and Michael narrowed his eyes.

“Are you sure about this?” Michael asked and Dean nodded. “Could we take this upstairs? The couch’s nice and all but a bed’s probably comfier.”

Michael laughed. “Sure.” He pulled out and Dean winced at the loss.

“Are you alright?” Michael asked and Dean nodded. “Yeah- It’s just… you’re just that big!” Dean got up, grabbed the lube and led Michael to the stairs. It was a two story suite after all.

“Are you sure you’re up for more?” Michael asked one more time, just to be sure.

“Yup. I’m sure.” Dean grinned mischievously and Michael’s dick made an enthusiastic twitch.

***

 

“Ah! Michael! More-,” Dean moaned as he was bucked up against the bedroom door. Michael thrusted in and out of his ass. He was growing addicted to hearing the squelching sounds of Dean’s ass tightly wrapped around his dick.

“This what you wanted? Taunting me with that ass of yours as we were walking up the stairs?” Michael asked and Dean nodded.

“What did I tell you about answering me?” Michael shouted and Dean cried out. “Yes! You told me to speak up and I was presenting myself…Just for you- ah!” Dean choked at the last but Michael merely thrusted deep and hard until he came inside.

They panted for a moment before Michael pulled out and opened the bedroom door.

***

Michael was pumping his dick inside Dean as he lifted the boy by the thighs. They didn’t even make it to the bed when Dean twirled around and started nipping kisses on Michael’s chest. When Dean brushed Michael’s left nipple with a finger and the right with his lips, Michael had enough. He reached underneath, held Dean by the thighs and shoved deep inside the boy.

He couldn’t wait. Not when his boy was so eager and playful. Nobody had ever tweaked with Michael’s nipples before, they all expected Michael to do it for them. Dean on the other hand, liked what he saw and went for it.

“You like…” Michael thrusted. “You like teasing me…” then he pounded again. “Don’t you? Dean?” Michael asked as he made sure to bury his dick all the way to the hilt. Dean could barely answer, he looked completely debauched and probably delirious.

“Why aren’t you answering me? Do you want to be punished?” Michael shouted and Dean whimpered.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I do! Yes! I love teasing you…” Dean managed to get out in between Michael’s pumping.

“You’ve been a very naughty boy.” Michael said and Dean shuddered. “I’m going to have to punish you regardless.”

Michael walked to the bed while he carried Dean. He threw the Winchester on the sheets and flipped him over. Dean’s ass was exposed below him.

He snaked a hand over the round ass cheek before giving it a hard smack. Dean gasped and moaned at the hit.

“Oh you like that? You’re not supposed to like it when you’re being punished. You’re supposed to beg for forgiveness.” Smack! Smack!

Dean arched his back at the pain and Michael noticed the cheeks reddened.

“Do you like this?” Michael asked and Dean answered. “Yes! I love it! Please…more…”

Michael smirked. “Since you asked so nicely.” He smacked again, and again and again. Until Dean was a whimpering mess.

Michael’s dick was still hard and he could probably get off one more time.

“You’ve been a very bad boy Dean.” Michael said as he parted Dean’s ass cheeks. “But I think you’ve learned your lesson.” He lined the tip of his cock on Dean’s hole then slid inside. It was still tight even after being fucked over and over again.

“Can you come again for me?” Michael asked and Dean whimpered.

“I don’t know…please…” Dean tried bucking up to swallow Michael’s dick with hole.

“I’m not going to stop until you come. You know I won’t.” Michael whispered as he pushed all the way in and forced a gasp out of Dean’s mouth.

He thrusted and thrusted. “C’mon Dean- come for me.” He said as Dean begged for more but responded. “I don’t think I can.”

“Oh you will…” Michael said and he pounded again and again and again.

“Please!” Dean cried out and Michael kept going. He wasn’t going to stop until he could get Dean to come, one last time.

“Come for me.” Michael ordered and Dean shuddered. Michael’s hips were thrusting erratically now because he was close. However he wanted Dean to come as well.

He angled his thrusts so they were hitting that spot inside Dean. Dean could no longer string a proper sentence together let alone words. The boy’s cock was hard again, much to Michael’s pleasure and with one more thrust, Michael came. Hot spurts coated Dean’s insides as Dean cried out. Dean came dry and he quickly went limp underneath Michael. Michael collapsed on top of him soon after. He noticed that Dean passed out.

He was exhausted but Michael didn’t want Dean to sleep like this. The boy didn’t even respond when Michael pulled out or when Michael carried him to the top part of the bed. He pulled the sheets over the boy and thought about sleeping on the couch.

He wasn’t sure if Dean wanted to sleep next to him.

Michael thought about it for a second before sliding next to the sleeping boy. He pulled the covers over himself and slid an arm over Dean’s waist. His flaccid cock was pressed up against Dean’s rump as sleep slowly took him.

He’ll just have to deal with the drama tomorrow but for now, he didn’t want to sleep alone.

He wanted to know what it felt like sleeping next to someone he actually cared about.

Just this once.

[](http://s79.photobucket.com/user/penultimateaxis/media/Fanfiction/Dean%20and%20Michaels%20second%20official%20date_zpsvaiqx1tg.jpg.html)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if I'm doing the BDSM or power Play part right however lemme know if anything looks weird. 
> 
> Also lemme know what you think!  
> Did you like my drawing?


	9. Chapter 9- Falling Down the Stairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay. I had a writer's block and got into a relationship and broke it off quite early. 
> 
> Hope this chapter will be enough as reprimand.

**-Michael-**

When push comes to shove, Michael went running.

Running made him sweat and it distracted him from thinking about things that he shouldn’t be thinking about. Besides, the neighborhood was flat enough that crossroads were very common. He could always find his way back, no matter where he went. He had been running on the neighborhood’s pavements for years now and he memorized almost every street. Sometimes Castiel joined him however today, he needed to be left alone.

The past few days had been hell for Michael.

Tessa was serious when she demanded Michael to contact her after Dean got discharged. Michael’s devices were uncontrollably angry from how much Tessa contacted him. Since she was a nurse, she would contact him during ungodly hours or worse, during meal times.

Gabriel endlessly tormented Michael as soon as he saw Tessa’s name on the screen while on the other hand, Castiel remained unmoved, for now. Michael’s youngest brother’s mind was elsewhere and it belonged to the bowlegged man, whose presence had been more frequent since the incident. Castiel’s over-protectiveness was surely derived from Michael however much to the eldest Novak’s dismay.

With Tessa and Gabriel tormenting him wherever he went, Michael found no solace.

Above all, Dean had been staring at him more and it was beginning to concern Michael. He hadn’t seen that look on the Winchester’s face since-

“Mikey!”

Michael almost slammed himself to the wall at Gabriel appearing out of nowhere and calling him.

“For heaven’s sake Gabriel, must you always do this?” Michael clutched his chest and darted a look at his younger brother who stood on the stairs, arms rested on the bannister.

“By now, I thought you’d be used to it.” Gabriel’s rolled his eyes.

“Never.” Michael said the word like a curse as he panted for air. He was covered in sweat and it usually took a few minutes for him to compose himself after a run. Today however, he ran longer and harder than usual, desperately trying to forget about his problems.

“Your phone’s been ringing like crazy since you left so I answered.” In Gabriel’s hand, Michael’s black phone was silent. Panicked, Michael snatched the device from the trickster.  All this running and all he forgot was his phone.

“I told you to never touch my belongings!” Michael spat at Gabriel who feigned innocence.

“But you didn’t leave it on silent and it was ruining my mood with Samsquatch!” Gabriel retorted and Michael shut his eyes to cleanse the thought of Sam and his brother in a compromising position.

“Who called?” Michael unlocked his device.

“Tessa.” Gabriel replied and Michael stood frozen on the spot.

“What did she say?”

“She wanted to know where you were and I told her that you were out.” Gabriel descended the stairs and leaned on the banister. The trickster was pacing his words which infuriated Michael.

“What else?” Michael demanded impatiently.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Nothing else, she just said to call her when you get back.”

Michael leered. “Is that all?”

His younger brother smirked. “Yep. Why would I lie?”

Michael rolled his eyes and pointed his phone at Gabriel. “Because you’re Gabriel.”

Gabriel’s mouth went agape and expression filled with shock. Pretense of course.

“You wound me Mikey! I am your most honest brother! Even more honest than Cassie!”

Michael groaned and brushed pass Gabriel in case his brother decided to ask more questions.

“Okay that’s a lie.” Gabriel kept going but Michael hoped his brother just dropped the subject. “At least I’m more honest than some people around here…” there was a hint of condescension in Gabriel’s tone that made Michael turn to face his mischievous brother.

“What does that supposed to mean?” Michael asked and Gabriel smirked again.

“It means- you can drop the act Michael. I know what’s going on lately.”

Panic prickled Michael’s back as he struggled to keep his face from spilling any secrets. A trick he learned from Luke and Gabriel.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Michael’s face remained unmoved, expression-wise at least.

Gabriel’s smirk grew. “Oh don’t be like that you dog! I know about you and Tessa!”

Michael’s heart skipped a beat.

“You do?”

Gabriel sniggered and stepped closer. “Don’t try and hide it Mikey! You’ve finally found someone to settle down or settle, in _between_ …” there it was, Gabriel’s clichéd eyebrows wriggle.

Relief and annoyance replaced the fear in Michael’s chest and fought over on how to react to Gabriel.

“It’s not-,”

“Oh stop it Mikey! The incessant calling, the look on your face when you see Tessa’s name on the screen- it all makes sense now! I knew there was something going on as soon as I saw the two of you in the hospital together!”

As much as Michael wanted to be annoyed, his relief won over.

“Yes you are right. There has been an unnecessary amount of calling from Tessa lately.” Michael closed the space between him and Gabriel then pinched his younger brother’s left ear.

“Ow!”

“But I am not in any relationship with Tessa, not in the way that you think. Take your dirty thoughts elsewhere and stay clear from my belongings.”

Gabriel whimpered to over-dramatize the pain. A bad habit of his.

“I know it’s the truth Michael! You’re not fooling anyone! Especially not me!”

With that, Michael turned around and made way to the kitchen and he was certain not to look back.

“I know there’s something going on between you and that nurse and I will not rest until I know! You hear me? I shall return!”

Then heavy footsteps were heard throughout the house before a door slammed upstairs and there was peace. However Michael was not at peace. In fact, his troubles seemed only to get worse with every second that passed. He contemplated on calling Tessa as he gazed upon his phone. It could hopefully put an end to one problem or perhaps, be the start of many more to come.

***

 

**-Three Years Ago-**

“I can’t believe this!”

Dean stormed out of the restaurant while Michael hastily paid for their meal. Michael’s eyes shifted between the Winchester and his credit card as panic rose in his chest. As soon as the transaction was made, he rushed into the night and reached for the Winchester’s shoulder.

Dean resisted then Michael was pushed to the side by forceful arms.

“Dean, will you stop this?” Michael tried again but only to be met with furious green eyes.

“Stop what?” The boy demanded.

“This childishness!” Michael was usually composed but right now, he was being tested.

“Oh so now I’m _childish_?”

“It’s not-,” Michael tried to interject but to no avail. Dean stepped into his personal space and jabbed a finger onto his chest.

“Well don’t let my childishness.” Dean jabbed him again. “Get in the way of you and that married asshole in there!” Dean spat out and Michael shook his head in disbelief.

“What do you mean ‘get in the way’?” Michael grabbed Dean’s arm again but was met with resistance. “Dean look at me.”

Dean finally conceded. “You know what I’m talking about!” he shouted at Michael.

“I really don’t.” Michael admitted.

“Puh-lease!” Dean sneered at him.

“Really. I don’t.” Michael said firmly but Dean only huffed and crossed his arms. “We were in there, having a meal, enjoying each other’s company when you noticed another man look at me in a strange way.”

“Mhhm.” Dean raised an eyebrow and nodded with callous assurance.

“When I explained to you that man was someone I _met_ before- before I met you, you got up and left me on the table without another word-,”

“Oh please! That’s not all and you know it!” Dean cried out and Michael was at a loss.

“Then elaborate.” Michael demanded this time.

“He was giving you a look and you returned it! He was married and with his wife for fuck’s sake and I’m with you! You haven’t changed! You’re still hung up on how you were before and I get it- don’t let me get in your way!”

Dean twirled around but Michael pulled him back and pulled him in for a kiss.

The boy went slack in his arms for a moment but suddenly resisted.

“What’re you doing? You don’t get to kiss me and make it all better!” Dean pulled away and Michael chuckled to himself. “You think this is funny? I hate you.”

Michael should’ve been affected by those words but he wasn’t. He merely laughed and replied, “No, you don’t.”

“You’re an asshole! I hope you have a great life tagging along someone’s marriage!”

“Dean you’re being ridiculous.”

“Oh so now I’m **_ridiculous_**?” Dean pointed at himself with exasperation in his tone.

“And jealous.” Michael added and Dean stopped. The cool night breeze somehow brushed the tension away.

Then the silence was suddenly filled with Michael’s chuckles. He walked closer to the boy and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed Dean’s forehead then his temple before his lips trailed lower, to Dean’s cheek and mouth.

“You’ve got nothing to be jealous about. I don’t want to be with that man. He was a one-time thing. I want to be with you.” Michael rubbed his thumb on the corner of Dean’s lips.

“I don’t believe you. You’re a liar.” Dean replied and Michael giggled.

“And you jump into conclusion faster than my younger brother Gabriel but I’m still here. So are you.” Michael leaned in to kiss Dean on the lips.

“No I’m not.” Dean murmured in his lips.

“Hm?” Michael questioned.

“I’m not like your brother. I don’t always jump into conclusions.” Dean said and Michael smiled, flashing his perfectly white teeth to the boy.

“No, you’re not like Gabriel because I want to date you.” Michael said and Dean blushed. The boy was out to take Michael’s heart with that blush.

“So I’m not just a fling?” Dean asked and Michael nodded.

“I thought you knew that already.” Michael said and his eyebrows creased.

“How would I know? You never made it official.” Dean replied and Michael sighed.

“What?” Dean asked and Michael returned the boy’s confused expression with a smile.

“Would you like to date me?” Michael asked and Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Dunno. Do you?” Dean asked in return and Michael laughed to the night sky.

“I do.” Then Michael kissed the boy on the lips. “I want to date you, Dean Winchester.”

Michael tasted more warmth in Dean’s lips than before.

“I wanna date you too, you idiot.”

“If I’m an idiot then, you’re an idiot as well. We can be idiots for each other.” Michael said and Dean’s lips quivered in embarrassment.

“You’re so freakin’ cheesy, y’know that?”

“Yes. Do you want me to stop?” Michael asked and Dean shook his head.

“Of course not. Idiot.”

And they kissed again. Michael wasn’t sure as to why Dean was different. If any other person were to act in such a way as what Dean did earlier, then it was certainly a deal breaker. Michael wouldn’t even follow them out of the restaurant. Dean however, was a strange exception.

Michael was becoming more honest to himself and to others, especially to Dean.

It was a sign of vulnerability and Michael knew better than to display it.

But there was just something about Dean that made Michael allow himself to be drawn into. Soon, he might find out.

***

**-Michael-**

Michael was just placing his clothes into the laundry when he heard the door slam upstairs. If Gabriel was still upset about earlier then Michael no longer cared. He had other things to worry about, such as how to change his contact details so that Tessa could stop calling him.

He shook his head and turned the machine on and the whirring sound filled the room. Lately, his mind felt like the insides of a washing machine. Maybe all he needed for now was a well-deserved shower.

“Michael?”

On his way through the kitchen, Michael caught eyes with Dean Winchester of all people. The younger man seemed confused about something as he gazed upon Michael’s bare upper torso from top to bottom.

Panic made Michael’s eyes blow wide open as he hid his back to the wall, in fear that Dean might see something that he shouldn’t.

“Dean- I mean, Winchester…what are you doing here?” Michael asked and Dean took a moment before removing his eyes from Michael’s face.

“I-I came to visit Cas but now…I dunno…I dunno anymore.” Dean took a seat and slumped on it. There was a can of soda on his hand which was one of Gabriel’s. Since Gabriel was still apologetic to Dean’s accident, Dean had rights to punish Michael’s younger brother by taking his sodas.

But that wasn’t what Michael was thinking about. Michael never dwelled into his brothers’ relationships unless it was necessary however lately, he was finding it more and more difficult to leave Castiel’s boyfriend alone.

“What do you mean?” Michael left the wall behind him but kept a safe distance from Dean. It wasn’t because he thought he smelt bad but rather, he was still alert as to why Dean looked at him in a peculiar way.

Dean took a sip of his drink and stared at the floor.

“Cas and I aren’t doing so well.” Dean admitted and Michael raised an eyebrow but decided to make an escape.

“Every couple goes through a rough patch.” He said and he told himself, mentally, that it was enough. He should leave the room before this becomes a sob story about Castiel and Dean’s relationship, and Michael was not ready to put himself through an emotional rollercoaster.

Not when his feelings for the boy were resurfacing.

“You know something about relationships?” Dean asked and there was not a hint of sarcasm in his tone even though the question would’ve surely inflect it on other people.

“Not much, no.” Michael said and he wasn’t sure if he was answering Dean or a question inside his head.

“Huh.” Dean said and tension blanketed the room. The Winchester as back to staring at Michael and his body again, unfortunately for Michael, he couldn’t help but return the look.

He knew this was wrong. Dean was Castiel’s boyfriend and he shouldn’t-

A strange inkling tickled Michael’s chest and it made an itch under his skin. Flashes of his past with Dean flickered through the room. Of times when Michael would never let a moment of silence like this go by without walking up to the other man and pressing their lips together or pinning Dean to a wall.

Michael forced himself from thinking about such thoughts and broke eye contact with Dean.

“I-I must go…” Michael stuttered and Dean nodded however there was something at the tip of the boy’s lips that worried Michael.

Something Michael was worried to hear.

So Michael made his way through the house until he reached the stairs, he climbed the frst few steps before stopping and gazing at the empty steps.

“Michael…”

Michael turned around and there he was.

Dean was at the bottom of the stares with an expectant look which Michael wished he never saw on the boy again.

“I uh…” Dean muttered and despair crept into Michael’s spine and it reached for his mind.

“That tattoo…” Dean caught Michael’s attention as the Winchester gazed upon the small bird tattoo on Michael’s lower back.

Panic surged in Michael’s core as he noticed a glimmer of familiarity in Dean’s green eyes.

“Dean…” Michael whispered in a way he hadn’t done in a very long time.

Bzzt!

Both Michael and Dean’s attention were caught by the door bell and the tension disappeared.

Michael descended several steps but Dean stopped him.

“I’ll get it.” Dean said and the boy gave Michael none last knowing look before heading to the door. Michael closed his eyes and thanked the Lord for divine intervention because any longer and Michael would have done something unforgivable.

Dean opened the door to reveal Tessa standing right on Michael’s doorstep. Her expression of surprise caught Michael’s attention.

“Oh hello Dean, I didn’t know you were here.” Tessa greeted the Winchester before her eyes trailed up the stairs to where Michael was standing. Then her expression quickly changed to a glare which threw daggers at Michael.

Michael clutched onto the banister for support because somehow, the steps felt slippery and he was about to fall head first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be smut in the future chapters however I will be investing more on Michael and Dean's characters from three years ago and especially the Michael in the current time period. 
> 
> Hopefully this story will strengthen your Michael/Dean ship.


	10. Chapter 10- Haunting Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is quite fond of running away from his problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for another delay, the supernatural finale and other things held me back from writing this chapter. it's a long one so please accept this as an apology.

**-Michael-**

Michael didn’t really fall down the stairs head first but right now, he wished that he did. As soon as Tessa arrived on his doorstep, Michael was struck by a string of bad luck, like a row of dominoes, falling on top of each other only he was at the very end of it. He was but a speck in comparison to the tumbling pieces.

He couldn’t ask Tessa to leave, not when Dean stood right in front of her with that expectant look on his face. Michael was at a loss and could do nothing but welcome her inside, lead her to the living room where she insisted on speaking to Dean.

Michael was about to protest but Tessa gave him a knowing look which he dared not oppose. Instead, he explained why he was unpresentable to his guests and excused himself by running up the stairs, into his room to quickly shower and get changed.

He couldn’t even relax in the shower. The water couldn’t wash his stress down the drain and he clumsily put some clothes on. He knew better than to be so reckless. Dean Winchester was in his home and he wasn’t careful enough so now, the other man had seen his tattoo.

His tattoo…

Michael shook his head and hastily left his room to descend the stairs, only to find Dean and Tessa with more company.

“Mikey!” Gabriel beamed and waved at Michael as if he was seven years old again. The room was now comprised of Sam who stood behind Gabriel and Castiel, who was sitting next to Dean on the couch. When Michael walked closer, he noticed that Castiel clutched Dean’s right hand while Dean looked at him with that strange look again.

Michael didn’t wish to dwell on it because he was in enough trouble as it was.

“Everyone’s here…” Michael commented and Castiel looked at him with a smile.

“I was looking for Dean when I saw Tessa in the living room. I didn’t know you were expecting guests today Michael, we could have accommodated her while you were in the bathroom.” Castiel said and Michael was at loss with words to say. He gave his youngest brother a look then shifted his gaze to Tessa who remained composed in her seat and slowly toward Dean.

Now Dean’s expression was one of concern.

“Actually, this was my fault.” Tessa interjected and everyone’s eyes turned to her, including Dean’s. “I was just in the neighborhood and decided to drop by Michael’s place to have a small chat.” Tessa answered the attentive crowd before moving her eyes to Michael’s direction. Her eyes challenged him and Michael felt the need to thread carefully.

“So Mikey, aren’tcha gonna introduce us?” Gabriel asked and Michael darted a glare at him.

“My apologies, everyone, this is Tessa, she is the nurse from the local hospital.” Michael waved a hand directly toward Tessa. “And Tessa.”

She gave him a knowing look. “These are my brothers, Castiel and Gabriel. The _short_ and _rude_ one being Gabriel.”

“Hey!’ Gabriel cried out but Michael moved on. “And these are the Winchesters, Sam and Dean. Gabriel and Castiel’s respective partners.” Michael gestured his hand to both brothers and noticed that Dean was still looking at him.

“Pleased to meet you all.” Tessa said and smiled at Dean. “How are you feeling?”

Dean flashed a bright grin. “Peachy, thanks for saving my life.”

“You’re very welcome. I hope that I’m not crossing any line by being under the same roof as a former patient. I did not expect that Michael had company already.” Tessa said and gave Michael a sarcastic grin.

“Probably because Mikey’s been avoiding your calls.” Gabriel added with a smirk on his face that Michael wished to pulverize.

Tessa giggled and waved a hand to placate him. “Oh my apologies, I get so caught up with work that I forget what time it is.” Then she turned to Michael.

“Michael has been returning my calls however I always miss them because I would be working. Our timings have been unfortunate so we can never meet halfway.”

Michael slowly nodded and carefully assessed Tessa’s expression. She was lying because Michael never called her back.

Tessa looked at her watch and gasped. “Oh would you look at the time, I better get going. Thank you very much for having me. You were very welcoming. And Michael-,” she grabbed Michael’s attention. “Could you walk me outside?” Michael nodded again, afraid that his good fortune might disappear.

With a smile, she got up from her seat and bid everyone goodbye.

Castiel stooped her before she left the room. “Do visit again, it is not often that we are introduced to one of Michael’s friends.”

Gabriel jumped in front of his baby brother. “Yeah, we were starting to think that Michael was _that_ unsociable.”

Again, Gabriel was testing Michael’s patience. As Michael followed Tessa outside, Gabriel deviously tried to follow but Sam stopped him. On the other hand, Dean was standing next to Castiel, Michael’s baby brother had a solemn smile on his face while Dean seemed disgruntled about something.

Michael forced himself to ignore it.

Outside, Michael didn’t feel as alert as before however Tessa didn’t say a word until they reached the side of the road.

“It shouldn’t surprise you as to why I’m here.” Tessa said before turning around to face him.

“You did surprise me. I didn’t think that you would actually keep your word.” Michael uttered before glancing back inside to check on the others. Gabriel gripped the door frame while Sam pulled him back into the house. The neighborhood could probably hear their struggle.

“Unlike you, I don’t make empty promises.” Tessa said and Michael narrowed his eyes at her.

“Don’t look at me like that. You have no right.” Tessa hissed.

“In fact I do.” Michael rebuked. “You arrive at my doorstep without consent and have been making an incessant string of phone calls. When will you realize that enough is enough?”

His heart was racing and fists clenched to his sides. It took a moment before Michael realized that he was standing too close to Tessa and another second to look back to his home to find Dean staring right at them.

The Winchester quickly disappeared into the house along with Michael’s rage.

Tessa stepped even closer to whisper into his ear. “I’m not going to stop because if you won’t do the right thing then I will.”

She then sighed, her blue eyes gazing at the house and clouded with worry.

“Look, we can’t talk about this right now. Not here.” Tessa shook her head then bowed it.

“We don’t have to talk about anything because there’s nothing to talk about.” Michael answered.

“Yes. Yes we do Michael.” Tessa grabbed his forearms and squeezed them gently. “It’s my day off today and it would be nice if we could meet for dinner tonight. My treat.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Tessa pleaded with her eyes. “Michael please. If you have any respect for what we’ve been through and yourself then please, join me in the Seventh Gate at seven o’clock.” Then she let go and slowly turned her back to Michael.

“And if I don’t go.” Michael stated and Tessa stopped.

“Then I will go speak directly to Dean. I got fed up with you ignoring me that I was contemplating on going over to his place and telling him but…”

Tessa bit her lip and looked at Michael’s house.

“This is your last chance. You cannot run away from your problems forever.”

Michael shook his head. “What makes you think that I’m running? I’m handling this just fine.” and Tessa returned his expression by crossing her arms.

“Oh Michael, we both know that’s a lie.”

Michael’s protest could not leave his mouth even if he wanted to.

Tessa hummed victoriously. “Please stop running. Keep your promise and do not disappoint me.” And she was off. Michael was left on the sidewalk with a sinking feeling in his chest.

He contemplated whether or not to take the offer, but judging from the look on Tessa’s face just now- there was little hope to resisting.

The silence of the street did little to quiet the throbbing in his chest. One way or another, Tessa was right. Michael was running from his problems.

Perhaps he never stopped.

***

 

**-Three Years ago-**

It wasn’t his proudest moments but Michael had to leave.

The morning after spending the night with Dean, Michael felt conflicted. He was gradually becoming more and more drawn to Dean that it frightened him. The boy slept soundly next to him and the sunlight bathed Dean’s skin and it looked like it glowed. Michael could almost see the boy’s aura and it almost consumed every fiber of his body. All he wanted to touch the Winchester again however for his sake and Dean’s, he had to leave.

He found some pen and paper and decided to write a note because he wasn’t about to leave Dean without some sort of explanation.

_‘Dear Dean,_

_I am sorry to leave without saying good bye however I must apologize for last night. I got carried away and at some stage, I did not use necessary precautions during the heat of our moment. I would have you know that I have not infected you of any sort of disease as I was clear during my last medical check-up. If you do not trust me then you may seek some medical attention. I left you a check and it should be more than enough to cover expenses._

_My time with you was very special and remarkable. I assure you that._

_However I am in need of some space and it would be best if we do not see each other. I know this is unfair and cowardly but I would not have done it if it did not call for necessity._

_Sincerely,_

_Michael.’_

Quietly, Michael took his things, got dressed and closed the door behind him. He made arrangements for breakfast and to extend the check-out time of the room. Money was not an issue. It never was.

With heavy steps and a heavy heart, Michael left the room and prayed for Dean’s safe return home. He left it at that and hoped Dean understood.

Somehow, as he gazed up the sky between the cracks of the skyscrapers, the blue seemed unimpressive and he preferred it to be gray.

***

 

Of course the next few days was hell on earth for Michael. He spent most of the time moping around the house like a zombie in search for life. Even Gabriel steered clear and usually his younger brother pranked everyone incessantly. Anna was apathetic although she did ask about his wellbeing during the first few days. With a few one syllable answers, Michael’s only sister dropped the questions and left him be. Luke was strangely absent however Michael wasn’t interested enough to care.

He wasn’t interested in generally anything at this point. His sex drive plummeted and so did his will to wake up in the morning. He cried when he was alone and whispered Dean’s name from time to time. The boy’s name haunted the corners of his room and plagued his dreams.

He wished that Dean called or tried to contact him at least however his phone remained message or contact free of Dean. Then again, how could he expect the boy to contact him after what he did? He deserved this. Michael knew he was wrong for leaving Dean in such a way however he had his reasons.

They weren’t good reasons.

Dean was becoming something more, something beyond Michael’s _expectations_ and it was the very thing that frightened Michael.

Michael couldn’t possibly become too emotionally invested in one person. Let alone anyone.

From the moment he tasted Dean’s lips, all he could think about was how he could taste them again and again and again.

The feel of the boy underneath him inflict such a strong tug in his chest. Something that his fingers couldn’t reach, despite how deep they dig into the flesh. He distracted himself by performing menial tasks around the house. Even offered to clean Gabriel’s room and Lord knows what lurks in his brother’s dungeon.

Nevertheless, everywhere Michael looked something or someone reminded him of Dean. Accursed man.

Gabriel’s appetite for sweets reminded him of Dean’s preference for pie during their first date. Anna’s carefree nature reminded him of Dean’s stride and as his sister passed through the hall, Castiel emerged from the corner and spotted him. His youngest brother, ever so kind and gentle called to him and asked if they could speak.

“Why of course Castiel, what seems to be the problem?” Michael asked and Castiel frowned at him.

“Actually I should be asking you that question, Michael.” Castiel said and Michael’s face formed a surprised expression. So Michael composed himself and smiled at his younger brother.

“I am well my dear brother.” Michael said but Castiel stood firmly and unconvinced.

“You don’t look so well.” Castiel tilted his head as he usually did whenever he expressed concern. Laughter escaped Michael’s chest as he clasped a hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

“Do not worry about me. I will be fine- I mean, I am fine.” Michael forced his mouth to hold the smile.

“Can I sit?” Castiel asked and Michael nodded before patting his hand on the couch. However Castiel remained still.

“Castiel?” Michael asked with concern.

“I was wondering if I could sit on the floor. Like in Christmas morning.” Castiel stated and Michael thought about it for a moment then nodded.

“Sure.”

Castiel sat on the ground and slid his back between Michael’s knees. This was how Castiel usually sat every Christmas morning, even before their father died.

“Michael?” Castiel called for him and Michael snapped out of his thoughts.

He didn’t even realize that he was playing with Castiel’s dark hair. His fingers dug into the hair and reminded him of times passed.

Castiel used to only sit on mother’s lap when he was a baby but she departed long before their father. And since then, Michael let Castiel sit between his knees while he played with his younger brother’s hair. Or Michael would watch his other siblings open their presents in Christmas mornings. Sometimes, it didn’t even need to be Christmas for Michael and Castiel to sit like this. When Michael gets the occasion to read a book, he’d read it aloud for Castiel. At times Anna joined in to listen but times have changed and they were all growing up so fast.

“My apologies. I must have gotten carried away.” Michael placed his hand on his knees instead.

“Don’t apologize. You seemed upset so I thought this could help.” Castiel turned around and concerned blue eyes gazed upon Michael.

 “Yes it did. Thank you.” Michael smiled and Castiel returned it. His baby brother turned around again and somehow, Michael’s fingers found their way into Castiel’s dark hair.

“I think sometimes, getting carried away is not a bad thing.” His baby brother muttered and it caught Michael’s attention.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

Castiel sighed before continuing. “I mean, getting carried away can be a good thing.”

“Why?” Michael had to ask again.

“Because it helps others know that you like having them around or you need them.”

Michael’s fingers stopped for a moment.

“Honesty can sometimes be strongly expressed through actions, instead of words. If you need help then it is not something that you should be afraid of asking, not when it’s from a person that you care about and cares for you.” Castiel added and lowly turned around to meet Michael’s gaze.

“If something’s bothering you, don’t be afraid to ask for consolation, even if you don’t wish to share it.” Castiel stared into empty space for a moment. “I would like to be able to help, even if it is just a little.” There was a hint of sadness in his brother’s tone and Michael was going to have none of that.

“You’re right…and I’m sorry.” He replied while Castiel’s eyes bore into his soul. He stared at the floor as Castiel’s words enlighten his spirits which formed a smile on his face.

“Thank you. Next time, I won’t hesitate to ask for help.” And that was all the reassurance that his brother needed before turning around and presenting his head.

“Could you keep going, please?” Castiel asked then Michael paused for a moment, chuckled to himself and kept going.

“Of course.” Michael replied, he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to.

***

 

Castiel’s words bore into Michael’s core the very next day. After a few meters away from the front gate, he walked down the street to clear his mind, he felt the sun bathe warmth into his skin. The air around him felt like it was rejuvenating him from inside out. Dean’s name was like a whisper that saddened him yet at the same time, he was grateful for Castiel’s immense kindness. Rather than focusing on the bad thoughts, he felt elated by being grateful and he couldn’t help but notice the lightness of his foot as he crossed the road.

Only when he reached the other side did he see the unthinkable.

“Dean?” he asked himself as he saw his brother, Luke, walking with a man who looked exactly like the Winchester.

From the man’s bow-legged stride and spiky dirty blond hair, Michael was more certain than ever. He wasted no time to reach the two with a bitter look on his face.

“Dean!” Michael called and the two men stopped in their tracks to turn around and face him. Dean’s eyes gradually pierced into his skull. Luke on the other hand, smiled and buried his hands in his pocket.

“Michael. What a lovely surprise! I was just on my way home with this handsome young man-,”

“What are you doing with him?” Michael interrupted and Dean’s glare sharpened.

“What do you think-,” Luke answered but Michael snapped him a look.

“I wasn’t asking you!” Michael hissed and Luke gave him a disgruntled look.

Dean shook his head for a moment before grabbing Luke’s hand. Michael felt shards of glass digging into his chest when he gazed upon it.

“C’mon, let’s go.” Dean tugged Luke’s arm and tried to drag him away but Michael would not have any of it.

“Let go of him!” By instinct, Michael pulled their hands apart.

“YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Then suddenly, Dean pushed him with enough force to send Michael back a few steps. Despite Luke being there, Michael kept his eyes fixated on Dean. The oy had tears forming in his eyes and fists clenched to his sides.

“You bastard! You don’t get to tell me what to do! Not after what you did!” then the tears cascaded down Dean’s face. Luke’s eyebrow raised and crossed his arms.

“My, my, my…so Michael’s the guy who left you.” Luke pointed at Michael. To Michael’s understanding, Dean probably mentioned him to Luke already.

“He’s **dead** to me.” Dean choked out in between his sobbing.

“Dean-,” Michael took a step forward but paused to think of what else to say. He couldn’t think of any but calling out for the boy’s name.

“Dean…”

Dean wiped the snot off his nose and gritted his teeth. “What?” he asked.

Michael thought for a second but couldn’t think of anything clever to say. “I-I don’t know…”

Then a snort escaped Dean’s grin. “You _don’t know_? How about _‘I’m sorry’_ or ‘ _please forgive me, I’ve been an ass!’_? Did any of those even cross that clever head of yours?” Dean jabbed his index finger onto his temple.

The wind was filled by the sound of Dean breathing heavily and it tormented Michael’s conscience, also it urged his breath to hitch.

“They did…I’m sorry.” Michael muttered and Dean shook his head.

“For what?” Dean demanded and before Michael could open his mouth, Dean cut him off. “You know what? Forget about it! It’s not like I wanna hear what you have to say! It says it all right here-,” Dean reached for his pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. “Your fucking explanation is on here you spineless jerk!” Dean crumpled the paper and threw it right at Michael’s face.

Michael should feel insulted especially since Luke was there with his mouth agape. It was the first time that Michael let his siblings watch him get humiliated. Dean marched right up to Michael’s personal space and jabbed his index finger onto Michael’s chest while he cried.

“You ass! I hate you! I hate you so much! You lied to me! You never liked me! It was all a lie!” Dean’s tears drew more lines on his face as he brutally jabbed Michael’s chest. Directly on Michael’s heart.

Michael whispered. “No it wasn’t-,”

“Yes it was!” Dean cried out before slapping Michael across the face.

“Don’t fucking lie to me again. Not here- not now! I hate you! I hate you so fucking much!” Dean grabbed him by the collar tightly until the fabric almost ripped. “I gave you everything and you left me. You fucking left me without even saying good-bye!”

A single tear left Michael’s right eye and he knew that Luke saw. His brother stood a few meters away and watched it all. For the first time in a while, Luke had a serious look on his face. One that did not have a shred of malice to ridicule the moment. He merely stood there and watched Michael hold Dean who sobbed like a babe in his chest.

“I am sorry.” Michael whispered before kissing the top of Dean’s head.

“I’m sorry.” He kissed Dean on the temple this time. “I’m very sorry.” Michael’s lips trailed lower, down to Dean’s cheek. “I’m sorry.” Then finally, his lips locked with Dean’s. The boy’s breathe was warm on his skin and it ignited an inextinguishable flame in his chest.

A few seconds passed before Dean pulled away and shook his head. “Why? Why couldn’t I just hate your guts and spit on your face?”

Michael pouted and almost let a whimper escape his throat.

“I’m sorry. I made a terrible mistake.” Michael held Dean’s hand, pulled it up to his lips and kissed it.

“Damn right you did. I wanna hit you. Throw things and hurt you.”

“I deserve it.” Michael added and Dean’s mouth twitched.

“Yeah you do but I _can’t_. I just…don’t know anymore…” Dean shook his head then bowed it. Michael held Dean’s chin with his fingers and raised it up so that Dean’s eyes meet his.

“Look, why don’t we go back to the hotel and talk about this?” Michael asked and Dean didn’t answer, instead he made an unsure nod. Michael and Luke shared a look and the younger brother understood. Luke sighed and gave Michael an approving nod.

“He’s all _yours_ Michael.” Then Luke turned around to walk the other way, back to their home. However Michael couldn’t just leave it at that.

“Luke…” Michael called out for his younger brother and Luke turned back around.

“Don’t worry about it Michael. This is _your_ business and I’ll leave you to it.” Luke gave him another knowing look which Michael understood as a sign of confidentiality.

“Thank you.”

Luke smiled. “Ha! Don’t _thank_ me yet, brother! Farewell.” Then Michael’s brother raised an arm up to the sky and left them.

Michael watched as his brother disappear into the neighborhood before turning to Dean. The Winchester’s were drying but his eyes were hollow of affection.

“Let’s go.”

***

 

Dean hadn’t said a word since Michael hailed a taxi. During the ride, Michael saw Dean’s reflection staring at him. Green eyes that used to fondly stare at him were now piercing daggers into the back of his head. Though Michael tried to not let it affect him, his mind was bound.  

With every step closer to their hotel suite, Michael’s panic escalated. He didn’t know what to expect once they get upstairs, perhaps they would officially say good-bye to each other.

Once they reached their room, Michael directed Dean to the couch where they laid only a short time ago. The feel of leather and Dean’s body was still fresh in Michael’s memory.

Dean sat with impertinence as he scanned Michael from top to bottom. Michael wiped the cold sweat on his forehead as he thought about what to say.

“I believe I owe you an explanation-,” Michael stopped and remembered what he said on the paper. “A more thorough explanation.” He added and Dean’s glare did not subside.

Michael left his spot and paced around the room in search of his thoughts. “The other night, when I was with you…I was…” Michael paused again and swallowed. He tried to control the maelstrom of emotions in his chest because he was afraid that they would burst.

Dean still didn’t speak, in fact, the boy stared at empty space.

“I was not myself.” That caught Dean’s attention. “As I said on the note, I got carried away in our time together and I let myself go. What we did…to me it was worth a lot of trust.”

“You mean the condom thing?” Dean asked and Michael shook his head.

“No, not just that, but the part after.” Michael blushed as he remembered holding Dean in his arms the morning after.

“What part? I don’t remember anything after that night, I kinda passed out if you didn’t notice.” Dean said and Michael nodded.

“It was…” Michael felt a sickening feeling under his throat. Even now he trembled at the thought. At honesty.

Then he remembered Castiel’s words and somehow, he let it escape.

“It was the fact that I liked having you there. Sleeping next to me. Holding me. I was liking it too much that it scared me. I was afraid that what I felt about you was making me do things that I wouldn’t do otherwise.” Michael finally confessed and now there was no turning back.

“I was liking you too much that I didn’t know what to do next so I left.” Michael added and he looked at Dean with so much remorse. If his old self were to look at him now, that Michael would be ashamed.

“That it?” Dean asked and Michael took a deep breath before nodding slowly.

The boy got up from his seat and looked at the door. Michael took it was a sign of leaving so he closed his eyes and pitied himself. He expected the sound of the door opening and closing but instead there were only footsteps and they stopped before him.

When Michael opened his eyes, Dean stood in front of him and out of nowhere slapped him across the face.

It stung but somehow it woke something inside Michael that had been sleeping for a while now.

“You’re an idiot.” Dean hissed and slapped him again only this time, he went for the other cheek.

Michael’s cheeks burned but he ignored them as confusion filled his expression.

“You’re such a fucking idiot and I hate you for that.” Dean grabbed him by the collar again, the fabric was beyond salvation at this point.

“If you had a problem then why didn’t you just say so in the first place? Bottling this shit up and _leaving_ won’t do anybody any favors!” Dean shook him like a rag doll.

“I didn’t wish to burden you.” Michael croaked out.

“Oh really? If you told me these things a week ago, what did you think was I gonna do? Leave? I’m not like you, you stupid jerk!” Dean pressed his head on Michael’s chest and sniffled.

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe I feel the same? Maybe I also really like having you around! Did you stop to consider how I felt? You could’ve said something- you could’ve waited instead of leaving me with that fucking note and a check! I thought I was just a fling to you! I felt so cheap! You have no idea how much I cried for you! I fucking MISS you yet I can’t believe that you’re such a jerk!” Dean was sobbing now and out of instinct, Michael wrapped his arms around the boy.

“You are right. I should have waited. I should’ve given you a chance to hear me out.” Michael swallowed his pride and sighed.

“I’m sorry.”

Dean rubbed his snot on Michael’s shirt. “I hate you, you drive me crazy.” Dean softly punched Michael’s shoulder and finally, Michel understood what Castiel’s words meant.

If you mean something to others then they will show it, one way or another. Dean would’ve listened and Michael was so stupid for realizing it now.

“I’m sorry.” Michael whispered to Dean’s ear and the Winchester tightened his hold. Michael couldn’t let go even if he wanted to.

***

 

**-Michael-**

“I didn’t think that you would come.” Tessa said as Michael shuffled to the booth opposite the nurse.

“I wasn’t going to but you left me no choice.” Michael said and Tessa chuckled.

“There’s always a choice Michael, you just don’t wanna make a decision.” Tessa commented before Samandriel arrived with their menus. They were in the ‘Seventh Gate’ which was Samandriel’s family restaurant. He took Dean here many years ago. It was a nice establishment, with chandeliers hanging above each booth, if one was lucky enough to book a seat. Tessa was dressed for the occasion, wearing a black dress which matched her hair color. Michael wore a navy blue suit which he wore on his first date with Dean here.

Tessa flipped through the pages while Michael scanned her features, there was not a hint of malice in her gentle blue eyes or rosy cheeks.

“Why am I here?” Michael asked and Tessa smiled.

“You’re here to talk, catch up. You owe me remember?” Tessa sarcastically noted but it made Michael grit his teeth.

“I don’t recall owing you anything.” Michael firmly stated but Tessa merely chuckled.

“Oh but you do and let me refresh your memory-,”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Michael abruptly interrupted and Tessa paused.

Tension filled the air and was quickly dissipated by Tessa’s smile.  

“But we will talk about it…after we eat. I think you’re hungry and it’s making you angry. I hear people call it ‘hangry’. So let’s get something to eat first, shall we?” Tessa insisted and Michael darted a glare at her. Instead of returning the glare, she snickered.

“I hear they have great filet mignon.”

Alfie or Samandriel arrived with impeccable timing and Tessa ordered a steak while Michael asked for the same. The boy was courteous in manner and left.

Tessa smiled some more but it did not pacify the rage inside Michael’s chest.

“So are just gonna sit here in silence or?” Tessa asked and Michael interrupted.

“I prefer the silence.”

Michael looked outside and watched the city streets filled with lights and people. The blanket of darkness made it livelier as if the night air invigorated the urbanites tired bones.

“How are your siblings?” Tessa grabbed Michael’s attention. She had her hands on her lap as she stared at him intently.

“They are well, thanks for asking.” Michael wanted to leave it at that but he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“I haven’t seen your brother Luke around.” Tessa said and Michael chuckled to himself.

“He’s travelling at the moment, however Lord knows where he is. He tells me where he is through email however I can never be too sure. Similarly, I still do not know where my sister is. Anna stopped replying to my messages and emails a while back. Last person she spoke to was Luke but he claims that he doesn’t know where she is. None of my brothers do but then again, Luke could be keeping her location in discretion. My siblings were never very fond of being honest with me. With the exception of Castiel of course and sometimes Gabriel…” Michael noted and Tessa’s expression pitied him.

“Do you miss them?” Tessa asked and Michael heard that question from her lips before.

“Of course. You know I do.”

Tessa was about to say something but she was interrupted when Alfie arrived with their food. The booth smelt like savory steak, gravy and freshly steamed vegetables.

Alfie asked them if they needed anything else and they politely declined. He told them to enjoy then left to serve the both behind them.

“Looks delicious.” Tessa commented and they started eating.

They didn’t speak during their meal. Tessa simply glanced at Michael and smiled but said nothing. Michael ate in silence and digested his misery. He couldn’t appreciate the meal though it was delectable.

When they finished, Alfie arrived with perfect timing and took their plates away. He offered some wine but Michael declined. On the other hand, Tessa had a glass and Michael knew his time was up.

“So are you ready to talk?” Tessa asked and Michael sighed.

“Why do we need to talk about it? I already asked you to drop the subject.”

Tessa shook her head. “But Michael-,”

“Why are you so hell-bent on this foolish quest when you already know where it will end?”

“Michael listen-,”

“Nothing good is going to come out of this. Nothing!”

“I have SOMETHING TO SAY!” Tessa raised her voice and those nearby paused for a moment. Tessa apologized to them while Michael kept his sight fixed on her. His blood boiled and fists clenched on his lap.

“Look, I’m not saying that my method is the best however if you won’t accept the truth then someone has to.” Tessa hissed while controlling her voice.

“Why do I have to? There’s nothing there and I’ve been telling you that from the very start!”

“Oh bullshit! Don’t lie to me Michael- stop with the lies! Why do you always lie when the truth is right in front of you?” Tessa accusingly pointed at him.

“It’s not because I want to, it’s because I have to!”

“Why?”

“BECAUSE-,” Michael didn’t even realize that he was shaking.

“I don’t know. I don’t know anymore…I don’t know what to do or what you want from me anymore…” Michael surrendered and tears were building in his eyelids.

Tessa got up and slid next to him. Michael felt cold and he was shaking. “Allow me.” Tessa said and suddenly her hand was on his.

“Be more honest. Say what you really feel. The words will only come out best from your mouth, not mine and no one else’s. Just be more honest with yourself Michael, stop denying the truth.” Tessa said softly as Michael felt warmth from her touch.

“Say it.” Tessa whispered.

“I love him.” Truer words were never spoken by Michael’s mouth.

“I love him, I loved him and I still do. I always will. I love him Tessa.” Michael cried softly while Tessa consoled him.

“I’ve been so stubborn but the truth is, I’m in love with Dean Winchester.” Michael said with more indignation this time when suddenly, dishes cluttered in the booth behind them.

Michael and Tessa’s gaze flicked over the booth to check what happened, only to discover Gabriel AND Sam Winchester sitting on the other side.

Their faces filled with shock which slowly turned to panic, just like whatever misery Michael felt in his chest. His warm tears cooled and his blood pressure escalated.

If Michael was scared of the truth before then it no longer mattered, because now he had something else to fear.

Something even more frightening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was unedited because i was in a rush to catch a bus to work. 
> 
> However, I hope you enjoyed it! Comment what you think!


	11. Chapter 11- Trick or Treat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Around an hour before Michael went to see Tessa, Gabriel convinced Sam to go to the restaurant with him and sneak up on Michael. 
> 
> The result is catastrophic of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to write Gabriel's part of the story before the plot moves forward.

(An hour earlier)

**-Gabriel-**

“No, we are not doing it.” Sam firmly stated while Gabriel clung onto his manly shoulders.

“PLEAAASE! I heard Mikey talking to Tessa over the phone and they’re going to Alfie’s restaurant for dinner! I told you they were dating! I don’t know why Mikey’s being so sneaky about it but we gotta go! All we gotta do is sneak in the restaurant before Michael arrives and sit in the booth behind them! It’ll be fun! I’ve been dying to know about this whole Michael and Tessa business!” Gabriel cried out but Sam ignored him and the Winchester continued reading a book. They’ve been locked in Sam’s room for a couple of hours now because Sam’s been too busy studying to go on dates. Usually Gabriel would be content with just hanging out with his boyfriend however the whole Michael avoiding the subject of Tessa lately has been bugging him. Cassie didn’t wanna dwell in Mikey’s business since he was too busy taking care of Dean-o so Gabriel was all by himself. So Sam’s just gotta help him. He’s gotta.

“Samsquatch?” Gabriel pleaded but Sam ignored him again.

“Sammy?” Gabriel decided to use the puppy eyes, Sam could never resist the puppy eyes.

Unfortunately, the Winchester was being even more stubborn.

“Sam.” Gabriel added seriousness in his tone.

“We’re not going.” Sam said while his face is buried in his book.

Gabriel made an ungodly screech which sounded like a screaming baby and a dying animal. Sam merely covered his ears. The bastard.

With hope and time running out, Gabriel decided to use a more underhanded approach.

 _Sniff_. Gabriel wiped his eyes and faked some muffled cries.

“Are you seriously fake crying?” Sam asked and Gabriel shook his head.

“No I’m not. I’m really crying.” Gabriel peeked through his rolled fists to check if Sam was affected.

“Okay.” Sam casually said and twirled his study chair around so he was facing the desk and his back facing Gabriel.

_‘Okay?’_

Gabriel thought as his blood boiled and teeth gritted. “Okay? That’s all you gotta **say**?” Gabriel hissed and Sam didn’t even answer. Gabriel’s boyfriend merely worked on his studies as Gabriel’s shadow loomed over the boy.

With all the force he could muster, Gabriel turned Sam’s chair around and placed both hands on the armrests.

“You look at me while I’m talking to you Sam Winchester, I’ve just had enough with you putting the needs of your school before mine!” Gabriel snarled at Sam who had a dumfounded face.

“You mean _my_ needs.” Sam corrected which only made Gabriel’s ears steam in anger.

“Whatever! The point is- I’m trying to salvage our precious relationship since you’re too busy studying yet all you do is sit here and ignore me? Maybe I just don’t matter to you. Maybe I should just stay out of your way…you- you insensitive dick!” Gabriel stormed toward the door when Sam quickly grabbed him by the arm.

“Let go of m-,” Gabriel was about to protest when Sam pulled him in for a kiss on the lips.

Gabriel’s anger suddenly fizzled into nothing at the taste of the Winchester’s tongue.

“I’m sorry.” Sam muttered when their kiss broke. “I’ve been so caught up with studying to realize that I was neglecting you…” Sam held Gabriel’s hand and kissed Gabriel’s fingers.

“I’m sorry.” Sam apologized again and used his puppy eyes. Of course, Gabriel couldn’t help but accept it.

“Aw y’know I can’t resist my Samsquatch’s puppy eyes - c’mhere!” Then they kissed some more until Sam’s chair creaked in pain.

“Gabe- we’re gonna break the chair.” Sam muttered in Gabriel’s lips and Gabriel got off.

“You’re just getting fat from sitting around all day.” Gabriel snickered which made Sam’s eyes roll.

“Coming from the guy who eats a diabetic amount of sweets.” Sam said and Gabriel darted the boy a glare. However Gabriel was gonna let it slide because they had more urgent matters to deal with.

“Get your moose butt ready! We’re going to the restaurant!” Gabriel tried pulling Sam out of his chair then the Winchester whined.

“Do we really have to? I mean, this is your brother’s business, we should leave him alone!”

Gabriel chuckled. “Since when did I ever leave my brothers’ business alone? Oh the look on Mikey’s face when I catch him on the act!”

Sam allowed himself to be carried off the chair by Gabriel.

“So what if they are dating? It’s none of our business and we’re just wasting our time. Let’s just stay here and cuddle. I can give you a massage?”

“No Samsquatch, we’re going to the restaurant.”

Sam groaned in despair and offered something else. “Or I can do that thing that you’ve been wanting to try for a while.” Sam wriggled his eyebrows and Gabriel contemplated about it for a moment.

“Nope. We’re _going_.” Gabriel flashed his boyfriend a cheeky grin.

“Ugh I hate this.” Sam moaned before a buttoned up shirt was thrown at his face, then black pants and socks.

“Get changed. It’s a fancy restaurant and we gotta blend in with crowd otherwise Mikey will spot us.” Gabriel pulled his own suit out of Sam’s wardrobe.

“Since when did you have clothes in my wardrobe?” Sam raised an eyebrow and Gabriel feigned innocence.

“Uhh, once in a while, I bring my stuff here…you know, for convenience!” Gabriel smiled but Sam’s yes narrowed.

“What else have you been bringing here?” Sam speculated and Gabriel paused for a second before hiding the truth with a smile.

“Nothing! Hurry up and get changed! We gotta go!” Gabriel started getting changed while his boyfriend glared at him.

Sam didn’t need to know that Gabriel’s been coming into his room uninvited and leaving things here, such as Gabriel’s clothes, food and etc. besides, Gabriel was Sam’s boyfriend so if Gabriel has space in Sam’s heart then surely he’s got space for Gabriel’s stuff in his room.

As for the video camera stuffed doll that Gabriel gave Sam in one of their dates…well Sam doesn’t know that it’s got a video camera. But then again, what Sam didn’t know, didn’t matter…right?

After all, Gabriel just wants to make sure that nobody else is lurking in Sam’s room- (ehem for Sam’s safety of course) and to make sure the Winchester was not cheating on him.

Again, what Sam didn’t know, didn’t matter.

***

 

“He’s definitely going to see us!” Sam whispered. Gabriel and Sam were sitting next to each other in the booth directly next to Tessa’s. Since the seat opposite Tessa was empty, Gabriel knew Michael was going to sit there hence they sat away from Michael’s line of sight. Gabriel sheepishly peeked behind his backrest to check on Tessa. The nurse looked gorgeous, she wore a black dress which matched her hair. Even though Gabriel had only seen her in a nurse’s uniform before, he could tell that she was beautiful. Delicate facial features and a perfect smile.

“Damn, Tessa’s got nice shoulders, Mikey’s landed a good one.” Gabriel snickered to himself and sat back down on his seat. He flipped through the menu before realizing that Sam was staring at him.

“What?” Gabriel asked.

“You think she’s really pretty?” Gabriel that Sam had jealousy in his tone.

“Well I mean- for a girl. C’mon Sammy, you’re prettier than her!” Gabriel reached over and held his boyfriend’s hand. A smile of relief spread on Sam’s face.

“Good.” Sam smiled back and Gabriel couldn’t help but snicker at his boyfriend’s jealousy.

“I mean, you’re prettier than all the girls in the world combined.”

Sam raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re a real charmer, you know that?” then the Winchester pulled his arm away from Gabriel’s hold.

“Wha? Samsquatch, I was only joking!” Gabriel panicked, he didn’t want Sam to seriously get mad at him, ever.

Then a mischievous smiled formed on Sam’s lips. “Got ya didn’t I?”

Gabriel’s mouth went agape with disgust. Sometimes Sam picked on him but that was a mean blow. Mean enough that Sam shouldn’t be laughing his pants off.

“That was not very funny Samantha!” Gabriel narrowed his eyes while his boyfriend wheezed.

“The look in your face- oh god!” Sam’s expression suddenly shifted to worry as he looked away to the restaurant.

“What?” Gabriel asked and turned his head to find Michael walking through the crowd, toward Tessa’s booth.

“Shit! Hide!” Gabriel jumped under the table along with Sam. They used the shadow of the table cloth to hide.

“Gabe we look ridiculous! Get up!” Sam whispered.

“Check if Michael’s in his seat.” Gabriel commanded and Sam peeked over the table cloth.

“Yes, he’s in his seat.” Sam replied so Gabriel got up.

“Hey guys, what’re you doing-,”

Gabriel and Sam jumped as Alfie suddenly appeared.

“SHHHH!” Gabriel hushed the younger boy. “Don’t say our names-,” Gabriel checked Michael’s booth before pulling Alfie’s black tie and having the waiter’s face close to his.

“Michael is in the booth next to us and I need you to make sure that he doesn’t see me or Sam, you got that?”

“What-,” Alfie was about to ask when Gabriel cut him off.

“Just do it or else: Gadreel’s gonna hear that the stuff animal you gave him for his birthday has a video camera in it!” Gabriel threatened and Alfie nodded. Sam tilted his head in confusion but Gabriel had no intention of dwelling on the stuff animal and video camera subject.

“Okay- fine…” Alfie straightened himself up and checked Michael’s booth. “But I can’t let you guys stay in this booth unless you order something.” Gabriel shared a look with Sam.

“Wanna eat here?” Gabriel quietly asked.

“I can’t afford eating here!” Sam hissed and Gabriel chuckled.

“It’s like you don’t know me! Of course I’ll pay.” Gabriel sneered then turned to Alfie. “Grab whatever he wants, I just want the largest sundae in your menu.”

Alfie nodded and wrote Gabriel’s order in his little note pad, then the waiter took Sam’s order while Gabriel listened to Michael and Tessa’s conversation.

“Thanks.” Alfie left as soon as he took Sam’s order.

“How are your siblings?” Gabriel heard Tessa ask Michael.  Sam rolled his eyes at Gabriel, disappointed at the fact that his boyfriend was so nosy however Gabriel needed to hear this.

“I haven’t seen Luke around.” Tessa said and it surprised Gabriel. He didn’t know that the nurse Michael’s siblings, usually Michael was so reserved and the last thing that Gabriel’s eldest brother would do was talk about his siblings to strangers. That was, if Tessa was a stranger.

“Do you miss them?” Tessa asked and Gabriel heard a short silence.

“Of course. You know I do.” Michael replied to the nurse and Gabriel’s heart almost melted in awe.

Who knew that his brother spoke about him and his siblings in such a warm way to others?

Alfie arrived with Michael and Tessa’s food, Gabriel didn’t hear them speak. The only sound coming from their booth was the clutter of cutlery on plates. Michael and Tessa’s silence felt tense and Gabriel didn’t know what to make of it.

Alfie soon arrived with their food, a salad for Sam and a sundae for Gabriel. The waiter kept his promise and kept Gabriel and Sam’s discretion.

“I wonder why Mikey never mentioned anything about Tessa…” Gabriel solemnly whispered with a sigh. Sam raised an eyebrow. “Maybe he likes his privacy.”

Gabriel shook his head. “Yeah but she’s heard about us. We’re Mikey’s siblings and he would never talk about us to anyone because he’s THAT overprotective. But with Tessa, it’s like they’ve had this conversation before. Mikey should’ve introduced her sooner, I mean I know we can’t talk, we hid our relationship for months.” Sam gave him a nod before he continued.

“But I guess it just hurts because I can always turn to Michael for my problems but he never tells us if something’s bothering him…I don’t know…maybe I’m overthinking things.”

Sam threw his arm over Gabriel’s shoulders. “Look, you did say that Michael was more interested in guys than girls so maybe he was just scared of what everyone would think once they know that he’s dating a girl.”

“Huh.” Gabriel nodded and Sam continued. “If it’s not that then maybe there’s something else…”

After a moment of silence, an idea popped into Gabriel’s head. “I hope you’re not thinking what I’m thinking?”

Worry soon masked Sam’s expression. “Oh god, I hope you’re not thinking of what I think you’re thinking…”

Gabriel couldn’t contain his excitement anymore. “Maybe Michael got Tessa _pregnant_ and I have a long lost nephew- or niece!” Sam groaned in despair again. “Oh god, here we go-,”

“I’m gonna be an uncle!” Gabriel’s eyes twinkled at the thought.

Sam wiped the exasperation on his forehead. “Gabe, don’t be ridiculous…”

“But Samsquatch- it could be the truth! I mean what if the reason Michael’s been hiding Tessa is because he’s too scared of becoming a GAY DADDY? Oh my god this is precious! I can’t believe Michael got Tessa pregnant!” Gabriel exclaimed while Sam tried to calm him.

“I thought I was gonna knock someone up first- then again, Luke probably already has children that we don’t know about…” Gabriel wondered then Sam shook his shoulder.

“Shh! They’re talking again!” Sam hushed him and Gabriel was all ears.

“But Michael-,”

“Why are you so hell-bent on this foolish quest when you already know where it will end?”

“Michael listen-,”

“Nothing good is going to come out of this. Nothing!”

Michael had been cutting Tessa off when suddenly, the nurse exploded.

“I have SOMETHING TO SAY!”

Then almost everyone stopped and looked at Michael’s booth. Even Gabriel was worried for Michael’s sake. If what Gabriel thought was true then maybe Michael was not ready to be a father, much to Gabriel’s dismay. He really wanted to be an uncle. He could’ve taught their niece or nephew many things no matter their gender. Although if he had to pick, he’d prefer a nephew so Gabriel could teach him how to be a stud like his cool uncle.

His thoughts were interrupted when Sam noticed the goofy look on his face. His boyfriend probably knew what he was thinking and was already giving a bitch face.

Michael and Tessa were arguing some more when suddenly, Tessa got up and sat next to Michael. Gabriel and Sam shared a curious look although Gabriel was more enthusiastic than the Winchester.

“Say it.”

Gabriel and Sam heard albeit they could barely hear the nurse.

“I love him.” Michael confessed and that was not something that Gabriel expected. Maybe he was talking about his nephew.

“I love him, I loved him and I still do. I always will. I love him Tessa.”

Sam gave Gabriel a confounded look and mouthed. _‘What the hell?’_

Gabriel replied with, _‘I don’t know.’_

“I’ve been so stubborn but the truth is, I’m in love with Dean Winchester.” Michael stated and Gabriel accidentally slapped his hand on his spoon which caused his entire dish to clutter with Sam’s.

Sam’s face winced but it was nothing compared to the horror that covered Michael’s face, as he and stared at the two of them.

***

**-Michael-**

As soon as Michael caught the sight of Gabriel and Sam sitting behind them in the opposite booth, he couldn’t speak.

“I’m gonna be sick. Sam we’re going.” Gabriel commanded and dragged Sam out of the booth.

“Gabe we haven’t paid-,” Sam said as Michael’s brother marched to the exit without even considering the bustling waiters.

“Gabriel wait!” Michael called out before turning to Tessa who gave him a concerned look. Alfie suddenly arrived.

“Mr. Novak, what is happening?” Alfie asked and Michael gave the boy his credit card.

“Here, this is for whatever my brother and Sam had. I’ll return for the card later.” Michael turned to Tessa who gave him a knowing look.

“Go. I’ll take care of this.” Tessa said and Michael quickly rushed out of the restaurant, into the darkness of the night.

He ran and found Gabriel and Sam not far from the restaurant. His brother was muttering something to the Winchester who caught sight of Michael before asking Gabriel to stop.

“Gabriel.” Michael called out when suddenly Gabriel charged and violently pushed him. Michael was taken a few steps back but wasn’t hurt.

“What do you want?” Gabriel hissed and Sam tried to calm his boyfriend.

“Gabe…” Sam tried but Gabriel protested.

“No Samsquatch, stay out of this!” Gabriel snapped his boyfriend a look and added. “Please?”

Sam raised his hand in defeat and gave Michael a concerned look.

“What were you doing in there?” Michael asked and Gabriel feigned innocence.

“I was having dinner with Sam which just so happens to be in the booth right next to yours.” Gabriel sarcastically said.

“Drop the attitude Gabriel. I’m being serious.” Michael loomed over his shorter brother.

“Or what? You’re gonna punish me? Threaten me? Why are you changing the subject Mikey? Why don’t you tell us about what you said in there?” Gabriel pointed behind Michael, to the direction of the restaurant.

“That’s none of your CONCERN!” Michael didn’t mean to raise his voice however Gabriel was testing him.

“Of course it’s not, it always _‘none of my concern’_.” Gabriel shook his head condescendingly then turned the other way and started walking.

“Gabriel, we’re not done here!” Michael called out and Gabriel twirled back around to laugh.

“What else do you wanna talk about? Hm?” Gabriel faked a smile.

“How about the fact that you constantly stick your nose in other people’s business? I’m usually passive toward your behavior, _dear brother_ , but not this. How many times must I tell you to mind your own business?” Michael accusingly pointed at Gabriel.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t be so nosy if you, for once your life, actually tell me what the hell is going on because right now, I’m pretty freakin’ lost.”

“That’s not my fault. You infiltrated into my affairs. No matter how many times I lecture you, you always get yourself involved. If you hadn’t been in there then you wouldn’t have heard what you just heard. Which means there’s nothing to talk about. So I suggest you drop this charade and own up to your mistake.” Michael didn’t even know if he was makings sense anymore. He desperately wanted Gabriel and Sam to forget about what happened but he knew it was a losing battle.

“Oh I get it now! Well if it’ll shut you up then ‘I’m sorry for butting into your business, _dear brother’_.”

Michael stepped forward and slapped Gabriel across the face. Gabriel retracted and ruffled Michael’s collar which made Sam flinch in the background. The Winchester stepped in between the two brothers.

“Guys stop!” Sam separated the two apart.

“You heard him Sam! This is what I have to put up with!” Gabriel gestured his hand toward Michael.

“ _You_ have to put up with?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, you heard right, this is what you always do whenever shit gets real, you run from it!” Gabriel tried stepping forward but Sam stopped him.

“Gabriel stop.” Sam ordered then turned to Michael.

“Michael, what happened in there…we take full responsibility.” Sam stated which made Gabriel whine. “Hey!”

“However, I believe you owe us an explanation as to why you confessed of having _feelings_ for Dean.” Sam added and Michael gritted his teeth with rage. Sam reminded him so much of Luke in this regard, courageous and assertive. Yet a large part of Michael knew that Sam was right.

“I don’t owe any of you anything.” Michael desperately attempted again.

Sam sighed in despair as Gabriel laughed hysterically in the background.

“See, this is what I mean Sam. _Denial_. Despite everything, Michael would rather talk to some hospital nurse about his problems than his own siblings!” Gabriel accusingly pointed at Michael.

“It’s complicated.” It was Michael’s only response.

“Oh really? What makes you think that I won’t understand? Do you think that I’m that stupid?”

Michael shook his head. “No-,”

Gabriel interrupted. “Then what is it? Because the way I see it, it’s okay for you to stick your nose in Castiel’s and my business but it’s wrong when _we_ do it.”

“It’s not…look, all I want is for the two of you to forget about what you just heard. Whatever I shared with Tessa is between the two of us and I do not wish for such information to circulate. You both do not know the whole story and the last thing we want is for the wrong information to spread.” Michael firmly stated and Sam gradually complied with a nod. Gabriel on the other hand pertained a pout.

Tension blanketed the atmosphere while Michael read Sam and Gabriel’s expressions. Sam was about to say something but Gabriel interrupted.

“Fine. We’ll keep this between ourselves.” Gabriel said and relief spread in Michael’s chest. “However, I’m disappointed in you Michael. You’re my brother and I thought that you could trust me enough to listen to your problems.” Gabriel sniffled then wiped the snot off his face.

“You know you can count on me but I guess I’m just not worthy enough.” Gabriel muttered somberly which roused Michael’s guilt.

“I know that I was never your favorite sibling however I _stayed_. Anna and Luke _left_.” Heavy tears traced lines on Gabriel’s face.

“Gabriel…” Michael called out but Sam stepped in between.

“Let’s go Gabe.” Sam whispered to Michael’s sobbing brother. “You don’t deserve this.” Sam bitterly stated then he darted a glare at Michael before taking Gabriel away.

Michael waited until Sam and Gabriel to disappear before he let tears cover his face. Behind him, Tessa appeared and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Come here.” She said while Michael sobbed like a babe on her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are a bit lost, Michael's siblings are Luke, Gabriel, Anna and Castiel, in that order.  
> Luke and Anna left Michael's home as soon as they turned to adults but Luke occasionally visits. 
> 
> Also, when Gabriel referred to keeping his relationship a secret, it's a major plot device for my other story: "First Impressions Always Count", if you have time, please read it.


	12. Chapter 12- Shadow of Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael recalls his family history and Castiel's first words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this chapter!

**-Michael-**

Gabriel didn’t come home that night. Usually Michael would give his brother a call, asking where Gabriel was. Sometimes Gabriel would answer. Sometimes he wouldn’t but that night, Michael couldn’t get the courage to pick up his phone and dial Gabriel’s number. In the end, Michael dragged himself home and pondered about Gabriel’s words. Both his brother and Tessa were right, Michael ran away from his feelings. Then again, these feelings had been the source of his grief ever since Dean forgot.

_‘Dean look at me…please look at me.’ Michael cusped Dean’s face with his hands._

Michael took off his jacket and hung it back in the closet.

_‘Say my name. Please just say it…’ he whispered to ears that couldn’t hear him._

He didn’t even bother wearing a shirt to bed. He slid under the sheets and clutched onto a pillow. Michael always slept holding a pillow in his arms.

_‘I love you- dammit just say it back!’ Michael begged and stared right into the Winchester’s lifeless eyes._

In his head, Michael counted from one to three in order to forget.

_‘I stayed. Anna and Luke left.’ Gabriel said as he sobbed._

In the silent darkness, Michael wept fat tears until he fell asleep.

***

 

The next morning, Michael slept through his alarms.

He trudged to the kitchen with the smell of bacon and eggs wafting around the house. Castiel in the kitchen making tea. Michael’s baby brother noticed him and smiled.

“Good morning Michael.” Castiel greeted Michael as dipped the tea bag in his mug. There was another cup on the counter next to Castiel’s and the table was set with two plates of food.

“Gabriel wasn’t home so I assumed that he slept over at Sam’s home. You were sound asleep so I thought that I could make breakfast for us.” Castiel grabbed the two mugs and set one of each next to a plate.

Michael scratched his stomach. “You didn’t have to…” and Castiel just smiled at him.

“It’s okay. You always make breakfast for me and Gabriel, even Luke whenever he visits.” Castiel directed Michael to his usual seat. It was their father’s seat as Michael recalled.

Michael stared at the plate of food for a moment before eating. The table was too big for two people alone. He remembered that there used to be six chairs on the table and a baby’s stool. Michael’s father sat on one end of the table while Michael sat on the other. His mother’s seat was on father’s right while Anna sat on Michael’s left. Gabriel sat on Michael’s right, opposite of Anna’s seat and on Luke’s left. Luke sat closest to father, on the left and opposite of mother. Luke was always father’s favorite.

Even though Michael and Luke had similar features, their father had always been more affectionate to Luke. It didn’t bother Michael since he spent more time with his mother, Stella. Castiel looked very much like their mother. Mother had long black wavy hair and deep blue eyes. She held Castiel for seven months before her body gave up. The last pregnancy took a heavy toll on her body.

Then their father got immensely depressed. Father rarely held Castiel after mother died. In fact Castiel’s baby stool was placed on the other side of the table, between Anna and Michael’s seat. Anna and Michael used to take turns feeding Castiel. Even though it’s only been less than a year since their mother passed away, Michael already took on her role around the house. He learned how to cook and clean by himself. He studied using his father’s book or recalled how his mother used to do it. Nobody told him to do it, he just did.

Since Michael sat directly on the opposite end of the table where his father sat, he used to catch his father glance at Castiel with so much pain in his eyes.

It was even worse when Father stared at mother’s empty seat.

Since then they never mentioned their mother whenever father was around. Gradually Father became distant, even to Luke. Michael watched as Luke acted out due to neglect and Gabriel did the same. Gabriel always followed whatever Luke did. Anna spent more time taking care of Castiel, she used to put hair clips on their baby brother when his air was long enough. One time, she tied it with a hair tie.

Actually Michael remembered that time clearly. It was the day Castiel said his first word.

***

_They were gathered in the parlor, Father was reading a book while Gabriel chased Luke around Father’s chair. Michael wanted to join his brothers since Anna was playing Castiel however he noticed father’s irritation and told Luke and Gabriel to be quiet or play outside. His brothers called him a ‘poop’ and went over to Anna and Castiel._

_Father patted Michael on the head. “Thank you son.” he said and Michael felt pride swelling in his chest. Mother used to tell Gabriel and Luke to play quietly or play outside whenever father was reading._

_Suddenly, Luke and Gabriel’s laughter caught Michael’s attention. He marched up to his siblings with the intention of quieting them when he discovered the source of their amusement._

_Castiel had a pink hair tie around the top of his head. Anna’s work of course._

_“Look at him Michael! He looks so weird!” Luke laughed and pointed at Castiel who was laughing with him. Being a baby, Castiel didn’t know he was being made fun of and simply giggled with his siblings._

_“He looks like a weird pineapple!” Gabriel laughed louder which irritated Anna._

_“He’s not weird! He’s pretty!” Anna defensively covered their baby brother who giggled and rolled around the carpet holding his feet._

_“He looks dumb.” Luke said and Gabriel added. “Yeah, he looks stupid.”_

_“That is enough! Don’t call your brother names! Didn’t I tell you two to be quiet? Father is trying to study!” Michael narrowed his eyes at his brothers. Luke and Gabriel merely snickered because they rarely took Michael seriously, especially when they’re together. Michael could only handle one of them at a time._

_“Aw Michael, why do you always have to ruin the fun?” Luke asked and Gabriel tagged along. “Yeah Michael!”_

_“We’re just having a bit of fun!” Luke sat down next to Castiel started tickling their baby brother. Gabriel did the same and just watched as Castiel cooed and laughed aloud. Michael grew concerned and turned to see if their father was being disturbed. His old man’s face remained buried in the book, unaffected._

_With a sigh of relief, Michael turned to Anna who smiled at him._

_“It’s okay Michael, I don’t think father minds.” Anna said and Michael nodded. He stood next to his siblings with his arms crossed and watched as Castiel gurgle his laughter._

_“Do you think he can drown in his own spit?” Gabriel asked and Anna took a napkin to wipe Castiel’s mouth._

_“No Gabriel.” She said while rolling her eyes._

_“Can we keep his hair like that?” Luke asked and Gabriel snickered behind him. Anna groaned in irritation._

_“He’s meant to be my baby sister and we’re princesses.” Anna said and Luke snorted._

_“But he’s a boy! He can’t be a princess!” Luke stated and Gabriel placed a finger on Castiel’s mouth which made the baby gurgle in delight again._

_“Yeah but there’s so many boys in this house! I told mom that I wanted a baby sister.” Anna unwittingly said and everyone suddenly went quiet. Michael, Luke, Gabriel and Anna looked at each other in panic before turning their heads toward father who didn’t seem to hear what Anna just said._

_They all sighed deeply before Michael turned to Anna and whispered. “Be more careful Anna.”_

_Anna guiltily nodded, “I’m sorry Michael.” Then Michael carefully removed the pink hair tie on Castiel’s head._

_“We should put the hair tie on you Michael.” Luke whispered and Gabriel giggled._

_“Yeah I betcha Michael would look really pretty as a girl!” Gabriel stated and Michel rolled his. Just as Michael was about to get up, Castiel squealed a particular sound._

_“Ma!”_

_The whole room froze for a second._

_Everyone turned to their father whose attention was caught by what Castiel said._

_“Ma! Ma! Ma MA!” Castiel squealed some more and giggled. Gabriel panicked and hushed his baby brother._

_“Cassie SHUSH! Stop saying that!” Gabriel covered Castiel’s mouth and muffled the sound._

_“Gabe don’t do that!” Anna flicked Gabriel’s hand away before Castiel rolled around and giggled the words: “Ma! Ma!”_

_Fear was written all over everyone’s faces as Castiel squealed that single syllable. Father got up from his chair, his eyes were teary and a fist covering his mouth. He marched out of the parlor, slamming the door behind him which made everyone wince._

_“There he goes again.” Luke bitterly said and Michael’s eyes trailed toward his baby brother who was staring at the ceiling for a moment before meeting his gaze. Michael merely frowned as he thought about his father’s state then suddenly Castiel squealed again._

_“Mak! Makuh! Ma-AKUH!” Castiel giggled in delight while everyone’s faces were stunted in shock._

_“Did he just-,” Luke asked Michael and Castiel giggled again._

_“MAKUH!” Castiel squealed again and started crawling to Michael’s feet. His little fingers clung onto Michael’s pants as he drooled all over the carpet._

_Without another second, Michael bent down and pulled Castiel up into his arms._

_“Makuh!” Castiel screeched into Michael’s ears._

_“Yes Castiel, that’s my name. Michael.” Michael whispered to his baby brother’s ears as tears filled his eyes._

_“Makuh.” Castiel cooed and buried his tiny face in the crook of Michael’s neck._

***

“Michael?” Castiel called out and snapped Michael out of his trance. “Is something wrong?” he asked and Michael shook his head.

“Was the food bad?” Castiel asked.

“No. It was very good, thank you.” Michael smiled and placed a hand on his bay brother’s shoulder.

“You’re welcome. Dean has been teaching me.” Castiel smiled but Michael’s heart dropped as soon as he heard the Winchester’s name. Castiel took the dishes to the sink and started washing them. Michael bit his lip and thought about what to say next. Silence was too suspicious.

“How is Dean?” Michael asked as nonchalantly as he could.

“Dean is well.” Castiel turned his head to the right for a second to answer.

“That’s good to hear.” Michael’s jaw clenched then he looked at the table. The seats looked so empty, without a single shadow of a soul.

“He asks about you sometimes.” Castiel said and Michael gave his full attention.

“I beg your pardon?” Michael asked as the dishes clutter to the side. Castiel’s back was toward him so it was difficult to decipher his baby brother’s expression.

“Dean has been wondering about you lately. He’s been asking about you for a while now.” Castiel said and there wasn’t a hint of spite in his tone. However Michael had to be sure.

“Has he now?” fear crawled in Michael’s spine and it made its way to his chest.

“He feels indebted to you.” Castiel said and finished the last of the dishes. Michael raised an eyebrow and gazed at his brother’s poker face.

“For rushing him to the hospital and paying for everything.” Castiel said and panic escalated in Michael’s chest.

“It’s no big deal.”

“But it is.” Castiel dried his hand and took his seat next to Michael’s. His mother’s old seat.

“I don’t think I’ve ever said thank you for helping Dean. I felt so helpless yet you did not hesitate to do what is right. I don’t know what I would do with myself if anything ever happened to him.” Despair covered Castiel’s expression before they flickered away with a smile.

“I am very grateful to have you as my brother.” Castiel got up and wrapped his arms around Michael. Michael furrowed his brow and returned the hug.

“It was what anybody would’ve done.” Michael said and Castiel pulled away. There was a smile on his baby brother’s face which Michael had been seeing more lately, ever since Dean entered Castiel’s life.

“If there is anything that I can do to repay you, please don’t hesitate to ask. I love you Michael, you have always been there for me despite everything.” Castiel’s blue eyes were teary.

“I’m very lucky to have you as my brother.”

Michael didn’t know what to say. A storm was brewing in his chest.

“Dean is working today and since I’ve done all my schoolwork, why don’t you let me do all the chores around the house.” Castiel said and Michael shook his head.

“No that won’t be necessary. I shall do them.” Michael tried to stop Castiel but his brother was very adamant.

“Michael, it is the least that I can do, after everything you’ve done.” Castiel firmly said. “Go and relax in the parlor, read a book or watch something on the television. Let me take care of you for once.”

There were plenty of things that Michael wanted to say but they were trapped in his throat.

“Maybe later, we could play the piano together? Do you remember our piece?” Castiel asked and Michael nodded.

“I would never forget.” Michael said and a wide smile formed on Castiel’s face.

“Very well. I shall be with you later.” Castiel kissed Michael on the cheek before leaving the room. Michael was left on his seat with a heavy chest and a maelstrom of guilt in his conscience.

He wasn’t righteous. He wasn’t just.

Not when Castiel didn’t know the truth. Not when he was deeply and hopelessly in love with Dean. He was the worst.

[](http://s79.photobucket.com/user/penultimateaxis/media/Fanfiction/Michael%20and%20Castiel_zps05zxiar1.png.html)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading through the previous chapters, I didn't give Castiel and Michael a moment so here it is. 
> 
> It's quite a depressing chapter however i had to write it in order to build the plot and also make you all feel guilty for shipping Michael/Dean without considering Castiel Muwahahahaha
> 
> Can you already see the shitstorm that's gonna happen once Castiel finds out?


	13. Chapter 13- The Miserable One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael makes amends to Gabriel however the trickster has something up his sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good luck reading this chapter! hope you make it through to the end :)

**-Michael-**

It was Castiel who informed Michael that Gabriel had returned.

His baby brother told him nonchalantly and based on this, Michael assumed that Gabriel had not told Castiel about the other night nor did Sam. Even though he was upset that Gabriel did not even notify Michael that he was at home, Michael convinced himself that he deserved it. Gabriel’s words rang truth and Michael’s guilt had not dissipated ever since.

Growing up, Gabriel was mostly attached to Luke and tormented Anna and Castiel when they were growing up (only now Castiel was left). Michael had very little to no influence on how Gabriel grew up. When they were very young, Gabriel only listened to two people, Luke and Father. He worshipped them.

On the other hand, he was distant to Michael.

Then again, he and Michael shared very little interests. Their personalities and mannerisms differed greatly. Michael was more attentive toward Anna. She was the one who helped him keep the house together more than anyone. Castiel was too young to do anything and Luke hated responsibilities.

It was one of the major factors that placed a wedge between him and Father. Aside from the depression and alcoholism of course.

Luke and Father always fought and when they did, it was as if the Apocalypse was upon them and Gabriel watched.

He always watched while Anna took Castiel somewhere in the house.

After years of watching Luke fight Father then eventually Michael, it was the beginning of Gabriel’s independence. Over the years, Michael noticed how Gabriel’s expression changed whenever there was a fight. The more Luke rebelled, the greater Gabriel’s apathy.

Until one day, Gabriel found a new source of interest.

He fell in love to a woman. He loved so intensely that he did not see what she was doing to him. She was changing him, ruining him. Abusing his wealth for her own selfish desires until one day, Michael and Luke plotted to reveal the truth to Gabriel. They forced Gabriel to watch as Luke paid his girlfriend, Kali, money for sexual favors and it was enough to destroy Gabriel.

It also destroyed Gabriel and Luke’s relationship forever.

Thus Gabriel grew accustomed to being independent and distant toward his older siblings. He was never attached to Michael enough to share everything and his relationship with Luke could no longer return to the way it was. Luke’s absence cemented it even more.

The only person Gabriel respected and truly cared for would be Castiel. Their baby brother, who despite everything, remained by their side, who missed Luke regardless of his diabolical nature, who deeply missed Anna for she was the world to him.

Until Dean arrived.

Michael shouldn’t be thinking about the Winchester at this very moment. He was carrying a tray of cakes and desserts that he made Gabriel as an apology. Since Dean took Castiel out, Michael was able to make so many sweets while avoiding speculations. After all, Michael didn’t eat these and Castiel would ask why he was making so many for Gabriel.

Michael couldn’t say it was a token of apology.

As soon as Michael reached Gabriel’s door, he sighed and knocked. He awaited response but there was none so he entered, peeked his head through the door to find Gabriel on the bed and playing with his phone.

Gabriel noticed his arrival and darted a glare.

“May I come in?” Michael tried to ignore the ache in his chest as Gabriel turned to his side with a huff.

“I brought you some desserts.” Michael waited for Gabriel to turn around but was simply ignored. Tension filled the air but Michael was going to try. He cared about Gabriel despite the fact that his brother snuck into the restaurant to spy on him. Carefully, Michael placed the tray on Gabriel’s study table. He placed it beside the picture of Gabriel and Sam together.

Michael headed to Gabriel’s bed and sat at the foot.

“Can we talk?” Michael asked and Gabriel gave him a bitter look.

“I thought you said there was nothing to talk about.”

That hurt more than it should but Michael pressed forward. “Yes we do.” Michael took a deep breath and fixed the black spectacles on his face.

“Listen, I’ve been thinking about what you said the other night. About keeping things from you, things that might be bothering me.” Gabriel still hadn’t stopped playing with his phone. “I just want you to know that I am sorry for not being more honest sooner. Thinking about it now, the fact that you would go to great lengths just to know what is bothering me is actually quite impressive…although I am still quite cross by the fact that you went behind my back and even brought Sam-,”

Gabriel interrupted him with a groan and rolled his eyes in frustration. “Is this your way of apologizing? Because I don’t need snooty, high and mighty Michael right now. The door’s right over there and I would rather be left alone.”

Michael tried not to let the words dig too deep. He was here for a cause and he must accomplish it.

“My apologies. I am not accustomed to these sort of things.” Michael fixed his spectacles in shame while Gabriel pursed his lips.

“What I am trying to say is that I apologize for my behavior that night and you are just as important to me as all our other siblings. I should not have been so harsh toward you, not when the others left and you stayed…” Michael couldn’t remember a time when he cried in front of Gabriel. Actually he never cried in front of Gabriel before.

He didn’t plan on starting now.

“You are a good brother Gabriel and I am very grateful for you. I wish I had let you know sooner.” Michael clasped his hands together and smiled at Gabriel who was tearing up.

“Aww Mikey! You know that I couldn’t stay mad at you for long!” Gabriel slid next to Michael’s side and gave him a hug. Michael was taken by surprise but eventually returned the hug. He patted Gabriel’s back and realized that he hadn’t held his brother like this since they were little.

Was Michael that out of touch with his siblings?

Gabriel pulled away and noticed the tray of desserts on the table.

“I’ve been waiting for you to apologize since bringing these in the room! I’m starving!” Gabriel got up and like a magnet, his hands were drawn to the delicacies.

“I had to make it up to you somehow.” Michael turned to his brother who was stuffing his face full of chocolate cake.

“Mm!” Gabriel exclaimed in delight and started licking his fingers clean of chocolate. “Is there anything that you can’t do in the kitchen?”

Michael snickered at the compliment then Gabriel leaned on his desk.

“So do you wanna talk about what you said the other night? About having feelings for Dean?” Gabriel suddenly blurted out and Michael’s eyes blew wide open.

“I uhhh.” Michael stuttered and forced himself to approach this situation in a calm and collected manner. He was failing by the second.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked and Gabriel licked the icing off a cake.

“I mean, what you said the other night. The part where you wanna bone Cassie’s boyfriend?”

Michael clenched his fingers on his thighs and searched for an escape. Unfortunately, it would only make his brother speculate even more.

He did say that he loved Dean- that he still loves Dean and always…

The four corners of the room were closing in on him and he didn’t know where to go.

“You know that you can talk to me about it. If it makes you feel better, I won’t tell Castiel.” Gabriel pressed on and Michael gulped as his sweat turned cold.

“You won’t?” Michael’s voice asked shakily.

“Course not! I mean- I gotta admit that I was really surprised that you picked Dean-o of all people! But now I get it, the guy’s good looking if you’re into that ken doll look- _which_ _you_ _are_. So you can tell me about it.” Gabriel smirked and took a bite off another cake.

Michael thought about his words carefully and planned to exercise caution however, he didn’t know how. He didn’t think this through when he decided to make an apology.

“What do you want to know?” Michael asked. He could probably use reverse psychology to get away somehow.

Gabriel tapped his chin for a moment. “Well for starters, you could start with when did this start.”

Michael thought about the question and realized a potential course of action.

“Well, it started out as a little crush. Just like any other…”

Michael didn’t exactly lie. The first time Michael laid eyes on the Winchester, he wasn’t immediately head over heels.

“Then one thing led to another and I started to think about him more.” Again, Michael was speaking half-truths.

“And all of a sudden, my feelings grew stronger.” A memory of Dean saying ‘I love you’ for the first time flickered in Michael’s mind. Suddenly, his panic melted into despair and Michael felt as if the world was falling apart.

He hadn’t thought of that memory in years.

“That it?”

Michael snapped back into reality. “I beg your pardon?” he asked.

“I asked, if that was it? Are you alright? You seemed really out of it just now.” Gabriel asked with concern written all over his eyes.

“I-I’m fine.” Michael fixed his spectacles again, it was becoming more of a nervous twitch. He needed to watch out for it. “And yes, that is all of it. _Nothing_ more. It’s just some stupid infatuation that could easily be mistaken for something else. Something more…” Michael was returning to that head space again but he had to snap himself back out this time.

He turned to Gabriel who rested his chin on his knuckles, deep in thought.

“Jeez Michael, all this secrecy and it was just about some crush? Wish you could’ve told me sooner! I thought it was some other massive deal or something _ugh_!” Gabriel groaned and irritatingly munched on another cake.

“Well you asked so I answered.” Michael chuckled to himself. He knew he was still hurt from the memory but for now his feelings had to be pushed down.

“God, you suck sometimes, you know that?” Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“Au contraire my brother, you and I prefer to suck nowadays.” Michael wriggled his eyebrows, imitating Gabriel’s usual move.

“Hey! I see what you did there!”

They both shared a moment of laughter before Michael got up sighed. He noticed that the tray of desserts were empty.

“I’ll put that away for you. Do you have anything else to ask?” Michael prayed that Gabriel didn’t have any more questions but he had to ask to avoid more suspicion.

“Nah, I’m all good.” Gabriel grinned and relief swelled across Michael’s chest.

“Very well. I shall call you when dinner is ready. Would you like anything special tonight?” Michael asked and Gabriel thought about it for a moment.

“Ohh! How about lasagna? You make the best lasagna, then again you make the best of everything.” Gabriel said and Michael nodded.

“Very well, I shall make that tonight. Although I might need to go grab some ingredients…”

“Want me to come with you?” Gabriel asked and Michael shook his head.

“That won’t be necessary. It’s just a few things, I can go get it, thank you.”

With that, Michael took the tray and headed to the door.

“Oh and Mikey.” Michael turned to face Gabriel.

“Thanks…for sharing this sort of stuff with me. Really appreciate it y’know?” Gabriel said and warmth tickled Michael’s bones.

“You’re welcome. It’s liberating in a way.” Michael said and closed the door behind him. He took a deep breath and wiped his forehead with his hand. He managed to dodge a bullet for now however there were still bullet holes that needed to heal.

There was one in his heart and it was desperately holding on. This was the cost of expecting ghosts to come back.

***

 

**-Gabriel-**

As soon as Michael shut the door behind him, Gabriel a few minutes before grabbing his phone and speed dialing Sam’s number.

The phone rang once before the Winchester picked it up.

“Gabe?”

“Samsquatch! Michael’s finally left the room.”

“How did it go?” Sam asked and Gabriel knew it concerned the talk that he just had. He texted Sam right before Michael sat at the end of his bed.

“Oh he apologized and we made up. It’s all good.” Gabriel said as he checked under the door just in case.

“That’s good. Did you talk about it? About the other night? About Dean?” Sam asked and Gabriel grinned from ear to ear.

“Yeah about that. Guess we’ll have to do this the fun way. It’s a hard way but it’s definitely more fun.”

There was silence in the other line for a moment then Gabriel heard Sam sigh in despair.

“Ugh…I don’t wanna do this.”

Gabriel shook his head in delight. “Oh but we have to Samsquatch. Mikey’s not gonna let up so we gotta take matters in our own hands.” Gabriel’s right foot started tapping on the floor, his impatience was kicking in.

“I have a bad feeling about this Gabe. This is what got us in trouble last time, in fact we might get into more trouble than before-,”

“Relax Sammy! We’re gonna be fine! Just trust me. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this and finally know why Mikey’s been hiding his feelings for Dean from everyone.” Gabriel grabbed his leather jacket from his closet and put it on while holding the phone in his ear.

“If this didn’t concern Dean I wouldn’t go with you.”

“Oh don’t say that! You’ll come because you love me and Dean-o…well you love me more than Dean.”

“Yeah right.” Sam snorted and Gabriel’s nose flared.

“What was that?”

“Nothing! Nothing babe.”

“Thought so.” Gabriel zipped his jacket up and peered through the window to see Michael driving away for groceries. “The Eagle has left the building Samsquatch, just as I expected.”

“Where’s he going?” Sam asked.

“Just off to get some things for dinner tonight. Told him I wanted lasagna and I know we just had it the other night so I know he’d need to get a few more things.”

“That’s really smart actually.” Sam sounded surprised from his voice.

“I know.”

Gabriel grabbed his own keys and walked down the stairs with the phone pressed against his ear.

“So get your butt ready Samsquatch because I’m picking you up and we’re going to the hospital.”

***

 

**-Michael-**

When Michael returned from grocery shopping, neither Castiel nor Gabriel were home. He checked his phone to find Castiel’s message which said that he would be home for dinner. Michael was pleased however he was upset that Gabriel didn’t even text him if he was going out. At least he thought that they were going to communicate more after their talk today.

Perhaps Michael should be more patient. Maybe Gabriel needed more time to warm up to him. And today was a good start. All he had to do now was maintain it.

He began packing the groceries away and started cooking the sauce. Gabriel wasn’t lying when he said that Michael made the best lasagna. It was one of his specialties because the process was very similar to making pie-

Michael had to stop himself right there because he was not about to start thinking about things that revolve around a certain Winchester that tormented his mind. He told himself to stop a long time ago and he could do it again.

Besides lasagna was nothing like pie. Pie was sweet while lasagna was savory. Michael must never confuse the two. Ever.

He decided to make a large portion off lasagna so they could have tomorrow night and Castiel could bring some to school. Would Castiel share it with Dean?

Michael shook his head and focused on the task in front of him. There was no room for distractions nor dwelling on things that would never be.

Would Dean still like his cooking after all these years?

Michael bit his lower lip and repeatedly knocked his head on the top cabinet just as he was about to grab some salt. Stop it stop it STOP IT!

Michael rested his palms on the counter and sighed. This wouldn’t have happened if his feelings toward the Winchester resurfaced. He was fine. He’d already been through the process of getting over the man. He had months- no years to get over Dean.

There was no use in thinking about it. He was merely overthinking things. Yes that’s right.

Castiel was in a relationship with Dean and he wasn’t. He was alone and he accepted that.

No amount of guilt and regret could overpower his decision for accepting the truth.

He had let go of the boy. He let go many years ago.

Just as he placed the lasagna in the oven, he heard the front door open. He checked and saw Gabriel enter the house with Sam behind.

“Ah Gabriel, I didn’t know that you were having Sam over. He can join us for dinner. He could-,”

Gabriel marched right up and punched him across the face. The punch was strong enough to knock Michael to the wall and falling on the floor. Sam cried out and rushed to pull Gabriel away.

“YOU ASSHOLE! YOU STUPID FUCKING INSENSITIVE JERK! HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOU?” Gabriel shouted while Michael slowly got up to try and make sense of what just happened.

“Gabriel STOP!” Sam clutched onto Michael’s brother who struggled to deliver another blow on Michael’s face.

“What is the meaning of this?” Michael checked on his cheek and felt the sting.

“SHUT UP!” Gabriel commanded and pointed at Michael’s face.

“I’m the one asking the fucking questions and I don’t wanna hear another word from that mouth of yours until I’m done! You hear me? You FUCKING HEAR ME?” Gabriel’s voice intensified which had petrified Michael from where he stood. Sam was still holding Gabriel back but he didn’t look at Michael. The Winchester’s eyes were tightly shut as if they were trying to hold tears back.

“Very well. Ask. Although I might not be compelled to answer given how you just punched my face with no explanation.” Michael sneered and Gabriel cackled in frustration.

“Ya hear that Sam? He might not be ‘compelled’- lemme give you something to compel about you SICK SON OF A BITCH!” Gabriel struggled to get away from Sam again. His fingers clawed through the air and attempted to reach Michael with immense fury.

“Gabriel just stop! STOP ALREADY!” Sam shouted and Gabriel resisted no more.

By now, Michael had a clue as to what Gabriel and Sam wanted to know.

“Tell me- what was going through your head when you decided that it was best for Dean to never remember what happened between you two?” Gabriel bit the question out and that was it.

Michael’s deepest and darkest secret just ran through his brother’s mouth. He closed his eyes and pictured the very moment when Dean confusingly blinked at Michael.

_‘Who are you?’_

“Huh? What’s wrong Michael? Cat got your tongue? You were never one to stop talking! You always loved to talk- it’s one of the few things that we have in common. So answer the fucking question- who gave you the right to decide what was best for Dean Winchester? Who?”

Michael gritted his teeth.

“How did you know?” Michael hissed the question.

“I’M THE ONE ASKING THE QUESTION MICHAEL!”

“ _Fuck you_ Gabriel, tell me WHO?” Michael had only swore this way toward Luke before.

“It was Tessa. She told me. Sam was there as well. She told us everything. Told us everything she knew about you and your relationship with Dean Winchester three years ago. She told us that Dean was admitted to the hospital because he got in an accident and that she was the same nurse who took care of him. She told us about his amnesia and the fact that you let Dean drive into the sunset when you realized that he broke your heart and couldn’t remember you. So I ask you again- what gave you the fucking right Dean Winchester of the truth?”

“Dammit Tessa-,” Michael cursed to himself but Gabriel was not in a patient mood.

“Hey I’m talking to you here!” Gabriel snapped his fingers to grab Michael’s attention.

“No she can’t- she shouldn’t have-,” Michael tightly clutched onto his pants and almost ruined the fabric.

“Michael.” Sam and Gabriel called out to him but Michael couldn’t hear them properly. A maelstrom of memories surged in his mind and it was unstoppable. Like a destructive vortex which prevented him from knowing which way was up. The room was spinning and he couldn’t breathe.

He used the wall to support his balance because his feet felt like jelly. His bones tingled in an agonizing sensation and his veins pumped boiling blood throughout his system. When he couldn’t stay up anymore, he pressed his back against the wall so that he facing the opposite wall and nothing else. He didn’t look to the sides because at that very moment, the walls in front and behind him were the only things that existed.

The walls solidified by regret, shame, blame and guilt.

“Michael?”

Once again, he was back to reality.

“Michael.” Sam Winchester knelt to his left while Gabriel stood where he was a few minutes ago. Michael sat on the floor with his back against the wall, arms slack on his sides and legs splayed open. He stared at the wall and noticed the hot tears on his face. They were starting to get cold.

At the corner of his eye, he saw Sam and Gabriel watching him however he had no intention of looking them in the eye.

“Michael, please tell us the truth. For real this time.” Sam asked and Michael chuckled.

“Which part?”

Sam paused for a moment to look at Gabriel before turning back to Michael. “Whatever you can tell us.”

“Sam-,”

“I got this.” Sam cut Gabriel off.

“Michael please, Dean is my brother and I just want to know the truth come out from your mouth.”

Michael chuckled again. “Then you should have not gone to the nurse and deprived me of that chance, am I right Sam? I thought you were a smart boy.”

“I’m gonna kick your ass.” Gabriel marched forward but Sam stopped him. After a few seconds of calming his boyfriend down, Sam knelt on the floor again and looked at Michael.

Michael just stared at the wall.

“Please.”

Michael did not respond for a moment and he let them wait. He stared at the wall and a flash of Dean’s face emerged. A tear slowly trickled on his left cheek.

“I met and fell in love with Dean Winchester three years ago.”

Memories flooded Michael’s conscience like a broken dam which had cracks for a while now.

“I was not expecting it. I thought he was just a fling. That’s all he was meant to be but then-,”

He remembered his first date with Dean. The first time he saw Dean’s smile. The first time he heard Dean’s laugh. The first time he made Dean angry and cry.

“He looked at me in a way that made me feel more than who I was. He made me feel something more, more than a feeling to escape from how messed up my life was. He made me feel alive.”

He remembered saving Dean’s life as if it happened yesterday. Answering the phone and hearing Dean’s name, only to see the Winchester waving at him through the rearview mirror.

“He was drawn to me like a moth to a flame and I needed him like fire needs air. His beating wings were feeding me, making me stronger and more powerful.”

Michael remembered Dean sleeping next to him. He kissed the boy once more before going to sleep so he could wake up and kiss the boy good morning.

“However I let myself get too carried away. We let ourselves go overboard and then-,”

Michael’s heart raced as he searched through the hospital in search for Dean.

“…all of it...”

Michael stood outside the emergency room and watch the doctors save Dean’s life. There was a lot of blood, cold as the sweat on his temple.

“…our love together…”

_‘Michael wake up- it’s Dean! Dean’s awake! He’s finally awake!’_

“…what we had…”

_‘Who are you?’_

“…went to flames.”

Michael muttered.

The sun was setting and the golden rays peeked through the windows of the house. At this point, the light no longer reflected on Michael’s eyes. There was only darkness like the upcoming night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the lasagna isn't burnt by now. It's just heartbreaking to reread this chapter so i skimmed through and edited it. It's 1 in the morning so please forgive me.


	14. Chapter 14- Abandoned by a Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean Winchester is Dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as i wanna edit this chapter, unfortunately I am beat and in need of sleep.  
> Please listen to the song "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's. It's the song of this chapter. 
> 
> The chapter summary should grab your attention. 
> 
> ALSO READ FIRST IMPRESSIONS ALWAYS COUNT CHAPTER 6 and CHAPTER 13 if you need to contextualize some of the quotes/dialogue used in this chapter: e.g. 'Hey my name's Dean. Sam's brother. I don't think we've met.' and etc.
> 
> In those chapters, Michael meets fr the first time and chapter 13 is Dean confessing his feelings for Cas to Michael.

**-Michael-**

The Impala roared outside and everyone in the house heard it. It grabbed Michael’s attention just as he was about to continue.

Sam helped him get up. The Winchester gave him an apologetic look before uttering. “We can talk about this later.”

Gabriel glared at Michael before stomping to the stairs and running up to his room. Sam offered to grab some tissues but Michael declined. Rather, Michael went to the kitchen to wash his face and check on Gabriel’s damage. Sam stayed with him, he did not even try to go after his boyfriend.

As for Michael, he pretended as if everything that happened since Sam and his brother arrived, never happened.

Castiel arrived shortly and greeted Sam. Neither Sam nor Michael said anything and Michael prayed that his baby brother didn’t notice the welt on his face.

Instead, Castiel noticed the lasagna in the oven and asked if Sam was joining them for dinner but Sam declined. He said that he just came to visit Gabriel and needed to leave. Castiel nodded, there was not an ounce of suspicion in his face and Michael gave Sam a look of gratitude. Sam bid them farewell before Michael set the table.

He prepared three sets of plates even though he wasn’t sure if Gabriel was going to join them. Castiel asked if he should summon Gabriel and Michael agreed. To his dismay, Castiel noticed the mark on Michael’s face and Michael quickly used the gym equipment as an excuse. Castiel was worried but asked no further.

When his baby brother went up the stairs to fetch Gabriel, Michael stared at the lasagna that he made with a lack of appetite. Once Castiel returns, said that Gabriel won’t be joining them, Michael acknowledged it nonchalantly and had a forkful of his own cooking.

It was a pity that he couldn’t appreciate the taste. At least Castiel did and perhaps that was all that mattered.

***

At night, Michael retired to his room. He contemplated on going to Gabriel’s room however, with Castiel in his room, it would not be wise. Instead Michael sat at the foot of his bed. He stared at the empty space for a moment and wondered about what he should say to Sam and Gabriel.

Perhaps he could start from the beginning, all the way to the end. But then, he wondered if some parts mattered more than others. Maybe there were some things that were better left unsaid. When he set his phone on the bedside drawer, it blinked so he checked.

There were several missed calls and voicemails, all from Tessa. She also sent several messages, all of it asking him to pick up or reply. Finally, there was one last message. It was the longest and the speech bubble stretched a few scrolls down.

_‘Michael, your brother Gabriel and his boyfriend Sam whom I know as Dean’s brother, arrived at the hospital demanding some answers. I tried to resist but your brother Gabriel threatened to have me fired…or worse. He claimed that he knew connections just as you do so I told them. I told them everything that I know and judging from the state of their faces, I suspect that they may cause trouble for you. I wish I could have contacted you sooner however they took most of my time and the hospital was busy… I deeply apologize for everything._

_I did not know what to do since you made me promise not to say anything but Sam assured me that they wouldn’t say anything. That they wouldn’t tell a soul, not even Dean._

_Please get in contact with me as soon as you can to let me know how you are._

_Oh please be fine._

_-Tessa’_

Michael wondered if he should give Tessa a call and shout at her. Scream and take all his frustrations out on the nurse who swore to never say a word about the truth however Michael couldn’t muster the strength.

He barely had the energy to be mad at himself. After all, he knew this was all his fault and he dragged Tessa into it.

If anything, he should be grateful that she kept the secret for a very long time.

He sent Tessa a text instead.

_‘I understand. You are not at fault. Thank you for everything that you have done over the years. I am at home and I shall deal with it. I’ll be fine. Good night._

_-Michael’_

Michael sighed for a moment before he heard his phone buzzed.

_‘Would you like to talk over the phone?’_

_‘No thank you.’_

Then another moment passed before Tessa replied.

_‘Very well. Take care and Good night.’_

Michael left it at that and walked around his room thinking about what to say or what to do next. Now that Gabriel and Sam know, he feared that the truth would eventually reach Dean and just the thought of it brought unbearable pain to Michael’s chest.

Perhaps he could go for a run like he always did. Or drink until he could barely stand.

Suddenly something inside Michael snapped. He hadn’t felt the urge to do something that he shouldn’t do in a very long time.

So he found himself in his closet room, all the way at the very end where some of his oldest belongings remain. There was a wooden box with a lock in front of him, on a carpet which was probably over a century old. He moved both the box and carpet to the side before kneeling down to pull the planks of the hardwood floor. Under the planks, there was a small wooden box which was covered in dust. He grabbed it and placed it on his lap as he sat on the floor with his back against the wall. He wiped the dust off the box and opened it to find a folded piece of paper. He opened it and two photographs fell out.

One had a portrait of himself and the other had the portrait of Dean Winchester.

 

**-Three Years Ago-**

Michael arrived in their room with a tray full of food. There were two plates on top, one for him and the other was for Dean. The boy was still soundly asleep, Dean was murmuring something and Michael found it cute. Many things about the boy was adorable to Michael. Such as the way Dean snored and drooled on Michael’s chest after passing out from having sex three times last night. Or the way that Dean pouts when Michael chuckled at the boy’s culinary skills. Sometimes, Michael just found him adorable eve if he didn’t do much.

It was bright outside and Michael got up early to buy ingredients and cook them breakfast. He could have asked for room service however, where would the fun be in that?

Besides, he’d been dying for Dean to taste his cooking. Since all they had been doing was eat out and have sex in their suite, Michael could barely make time to prepare anything. So Michael decided to take an initiative this morning and bring Dean breakfast to bed.

Only now was the part where Dean needed to wake up. Since the boy was soundly asleep and was usually grumpy in the morning, Michael decided to have a bit of fun.

He squeezed Dean’s nostrils which had the Winchester gasping and eyes blowing wide open.

“Good morning.” Michael chuckled and Dean slapped his hand away. Dean stretched and inspected the room with eyes half open.

“Morning- what time is it?” Dean asked and Michael looked at the clock.  It was ten in the morning but he couldn’t be bothered with the specifics.

“Too late, that’s what.” Michael grinned and leaned over to plant a kiss on Dean’s lips. The Winchester’s face scrunched up in disgust.

“Don’t kiss me, I’m gross right now.” Dean whined which amused Michael enough to laugh.

“As a matter of fact, you look absolutely delicious right now.” Michael licked his lips and kissed Dean once more.

“My breathe stinks.” Dean yawned and Michael smelt it.

“Yes it does however it’ll take more than that to stop me from kissing you.” Michael planted another kiss. “Again.” And another. “And again, and as many as I want.” And one more.

Michael pressed their lips together until his tongue was buried deep into Dean’s mouth. He crowded over the boy and carded his hands through Dean’s hair. Dean’s erection was pressed against his clothes since the boy was still naked. Still dirty from last night however it only aroused Michael even more.

When they pulled from the kiss, they stared into each other’s eyes for a serious moment before letting it pass.

“You really don’t mind if I’m like this?” Dean asked and Michael nodded.

“Well part of the reason why you’re in this state is because I forced you to come three times.”

“Oh god…” Dean moaned in embarrassment and buried his face in his hands.

“It’s the truth!” Michael grinned and seductively whispered in Dean’s ear. “I know you liked it.”

The he nipped on Dean’s ear which sent the boy squirming underneath him.

“No-,”

Michael cut the boy off by licking Dean’s neck. His tongue trailed on the marks he left last night. “You do. Say it.”

“No.” Dean moaned out but it only made Michael more persistent.

“Say it or I won’t stop.” Michael nipped on Dean’s right nipple which made the boy squeal in ecstasy.

“Okay! Alright! I like it! I fucking like it alright?” Dean gasped as Michael stopped and reached over to kiss Dean’s lips.

“You’ve got a dirty mouth. I might have to punish you.” Michael threatened and a red blush spread throughout Dean’s face.

“Might as well do something naughty.” Dean forced Michael to get on his back and shimmied down to pull down Michael’s sweatpants. Dean freed Michael’s erection and swallowed the whole length, all the way to the base. Michael’s hairs probably tickled Dean’s nose but Michael could only admire the boy’s efforts.

The thick length popped out of Dean’s mouth and spit trailed from the tip to the base. Dean slurped at the head while he kept his fingers wrapped around the base. He moaned through it all because he knew that Michael liked knowing that he wanted this. And Michael knew Dean wanted this very much.

Dean tugged the length with a steady stroke and Michael’s thighs twitched at the sensation. His toes curled as Dean touched the right spots and Dean’s warm and wet hands caused Michael’s eyes to roll at the back of his head.

“Dean I’m gonna-,” Michael gripped Dean’s hair which pleased the boy, judging from the hastened pace.

With a groan, Michael came into the boy’s mouth. Overwhelming warmth and sensations surged through his veins, it made him gasp as his orgasm was rode out of him. His cock was still hard due to his zero refractory period and Dean always took advantage of this by slurping on the head of Michael’s cock as if it was a lollipop. Michael simply relaxed and watched the boy lick off his come clean.

Michael offered to return the favor but he was too late. Dean’s crotch was stained by come and Michael suddenly felt the urge to taste it. The Winchester tried to get away but Michael pinned the boy by the hips and slurped Dean’s seed. Dean tossed and turned from overstimulation which only made Michael slurp harder. When Dean was sated, Michael heard his stomach growl, sending Michael in a fit of laughter.

“It’s not funny!”

Oh but it was, especially since Dean went beet red before him.

“C’mon, I made you breakfast.” Michael leaned over and kissed Dean’s lips. He could taste his own come, bitter but it tasted better coming from Dean’s lips.

They ate the breakfast that Michael made, though it was quite cold from letting it sit there while Dean gave Michael a blow job. Still, Dean complimented him for the meal and it caused something inside Michael to flip with joy.

Once they were done, Michael took the dishes and washed them in the sink. The cleaners could have done it however he was forced by habit. Besides, Dean was in the shower and he had nothing to do. They planned to spend the day together before Dean had to drive back to Bobby’s.

Michael was just putting the dishes away when he felt Dean’s arms wrap behind him. The boy’s face nuzzled his back and Michael chuckled a little.

“Thank you for making breakfast. It was very good.” Dean said.

“You’re very welcome.” Michael turned to face Dean and couldn’t help but kiss those luscious cupid bow lips. They were just so inviting that he couldn’t resist.

“I’ve got something for you.” Dean said in Michael’s lips and Michael had to regain his consciousness because the taste of Dean’s lips made him drunk somehow and wanting for more.

Dean handed a small photograph of himself and Michael took it. It was Dean’s smile, brighter than sunlight. Brighter than the morning that he just had.

“I want you to keep it. So you could see my face whenever we’re apart.” Dean said coyly and that was one of the other things that Michael found extremely adorable.

“That’s so cheesy.” Michael said and Dean shook his blushing head.

“I know it is! But when we’re not together I miss you sometimes and you always give me things- like this place, our dates…so for once, I thought of giving something of mine. Just so I could feel better about myself.” Dean said and Michael couldn’t wipe the smile off his face even if he wanted to.

“I love it. I’ll keep it in my wallet so I never lose it.” Michael took his wallet out and placed in in front of his parents’ pictures.

“I’ll get one of myself and give it to you.” Michael said and Dean shook his head.

“No you don’t have to do that.”

“But I want to- it’s only fair that I do.”

Dean shook his head again. “But this was meant to be me giving you something special for all this.”

Michael cackled and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. “You are enough.”

Dean tilted his head in confusion and it reminded Michael of Castiel.

“For everything I do for you. You are enough.” Michael said and the blush on Dean’s face deepened. And so did Michael’s kiss to Dean.

Their feelings for each other deepened and Michael never wanted anything else.

***

 

**-Michael-**

Michael sobbed as he held Dean’s photo to his chest. The same photo from that very morning, many years ago.

***

The next morning, Michael slept through his alarms. It was no surprise because he drank so much wine last night that he could barely remember what happened. When he checked his phone, there was a message from Castiel, saying that he went out with Dean and will return shortly. Michael got up, felt as if his mind was being subject to lobotomy. He used his desk for support and found the small wooden box wide open, his picture but not Dean’s.

Panic surged in his chest as he frantically looked for Dean’s photograph, only to find it on his bed, next to his pillow.

He probably fell asleep crying over it again and he hadn’t done so in years. He took the photo and placed it in the box when he suddenly heard a knock on the door.

Michael quickly hid the box and kicked it under his bed. There was also a bottle of wine on the floor which he placed next to his foot so it was hidden by the bed.

There was another knock. 

“Michael, it’s me. Sam.”

Michael raised an eyebrow and wondered why Sam Winchester was in their house at this time in the morning. He looked at the watch and realized that it was almost midday.

“Come in.” He ordered and Sam entered. The Winchester wore a plain white shirt and blue jeans so it must be a nice day outside.

“Could we talk for a moment? About yesterday?” Sam asked and Michael accidentally kicked the empty bottle of wine on the floor.

“Or perhaps later.” Sam said and Michael squeezed his temples in irritation.

“I apologize for the state of my room and myself- give me a few minutes and I shall be with you shortly.” Michael pleaded and Sam agreed.

“Okay.”

The boy closed the door behind him then Michael wasted no time to grab the small wooden box from under the bed and tucked it under the wooden planks. Covered it with his carpet and his other box just to make sure that no one finds it. Last night was a moment of weakness.

He wasn’t supposed to open the box. It was meant to be buried away like his memories and his heart.

***

 

After cleaning himself up, making breakfast (which was lunch at this point), and two tablets of painkillers later, Michael summoned Sam and Gabriel to the parlor. The entire room was shrouded with tension and it was suffocating however Michael had to press forward if he had any hope of making peace with Gabriel and Sam.

That was, if he still had a chance.

The couple sat next to each other while Michael rested on the couch, leaning forward with his elbows to his knees.

“Before I begin, I would like to hear about what you know or what Tessa told you. Just so I know where I need to start.” Michael asked and Gabriel crossed his arms and faced away. He still hadn’t looked at Michael in the eye since yesterday.

“Okay…” Sam gazed at Gabriel who averted his eyes.

“Gabe, do you wanna or?” Sam asked.

“I’m not talking to that great big bag of dicks.” Gabriel said in spite and Sam rolled his eyes.

“Fine, I’ll talk.” Sam decided. “Tessa told us that three years ago, Dean was admitted to the same hospital where you rushed him a few weeks ago. She said that he got into an accident and you arrived, claiming to be his boyfriend.” Sam said and memories of Michael running through the halls of the hospital flickered before Michael.

Michael cleared his throat to regain composure. “Very well, what else?”

“Well it was hard to believe what she said. We weren’t even sure if she was talking about the same Dean because Dean’s never mentioned you before nor did he ever say that he was in a serious relationship with anyone ever.” Sam admitted and Michael nodded approvingly.

“Then she explained that the reason why Dean didn’t remember was because he had amnesia. She said that he still has the amnesia because he _still_ doesn’t remember what happened, years later.”

There was silence in the room for a moment then Sam continued.

“I see.” Michael fixed his black spectacles.

Sam shuffled in his seat and beckoned Gabriel to share however Michael’s brother would not relent. In the end, Sam sighed and moved on.

“Anyway, after she explained Dean’s amnesia, she asked us not to tell anyone since you made her promise not to say anything back then and it’s _still_ what you want. Apparently you said that it would be best if Dean didn’t remember and that you both your separate ways. Does that sound about right?” Sam asked and Michael let the Winchester’s words sink in for a moment before answering.

“Yes. What Tessa told you is correct.”

“How did Dean get in an accident?” Sam asked and it struck the wrong chord in Michael’s chest.

“Well your brother and I got into a fight and drove the Impala right after. That’s all I can remember. You know how he is when he is angry.”

“Okay…but then what about the reason…” Sam wondered about the question which made Michael tremble in fear. At a desperate attempt to avoid everything, Michael feigned ignorance.

“The reason?” Michael asked.

“The reason why you let my brother go and not help him remember?” Sam asked and Michael tightly clutched at the leather armrest of his father’s chair.

“Why do you ask?”

“Because I can tell that you’re still hung up over him.” Sam said and Michael felt as if he had been wearing a porcelain mask this entire time. Unfortunately, the mask just had crack.

“That is not true Sam.” Michael lied and confusion masked Sam’s expression.

“But you said-,”

“You must be mistaken. My reaction yesterday was due to my distress from Gabriel sucker punching me on the face and Tessa sharing my secrets. What I was supposed to say to both of you was the truth and here it is: I did love your brother, Sam Winchester. I loved him very much however Dean’s amnesia was a sign that we were not meant to be together so I took it. I asked Tessa to keep it a secret because everything was accounted for. The property that the Impala damaged was covered and so was Dean’s hospital bills. I did not wish to burden him with the guilt of what he had done, along with the expenses, so I sent him packing back to Lawrence, to you and your family while I move on. I have almost forgotten about the entire incident ever since.”

The porcelain mask that Michael was wearing chipped even more. “I must have you know that your brother had caused a great deal of financial distress to me during that period so to clear his name and his conscience, I let him go. Now are you satisfied?

Sam’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion while Gabriel’s disgruntled expression remained unchanged.

“Something doesn’t add up.” Sam muttered and Michael was all ears.

“What does?”

“The part where you said that you were still in love with Dean. At the restaurant, with Tessa. You said that you were still in love with him.” Sam said and Michael’s mask cracked in half. “During that time, you weren’t under any sort of distress. You were just having dinner with Tessa so why did you say those things if Dean meant nothing to you?”

The mask that Michael created and polished started to chip off.

“He means nothing to me now.”

“But that’s not what you said-,”

“I know what I said Sam. And what I am saying now is that I no longer have feelings for Dean Winchester. I have left it behind and so should you. So should everyone-,”

“Michael-,” Sam tried to interrupt.

“I don’t understand why everyone keeps trying to tell me what to feel I mean- can’t we just move past the fact that I had a fling with your brother and it stopped. End of story. That’s what it should’ve been and that’s what it should always be- just like this conversation, A WASTE OF TIME!” Michael got up and stomped toward the door when he heard Gabriel’s voice behind him say:

“Horse shit.”

Michael turned around and saw his brother

“Gabe.” Sam pleaded but Gabriel shook his head.

“No Samsquatch! I’ve just had about enough of the shit that he’s been spouting this whole time!”

Michael took a few steps forward, his hands were shaking uncontrollably.

“You intend to disrespect brother.” Michael uttered with hitched breath.

“It’s one of my special skills, brother.” Gabriel smirked and it made the blood inside Michael’s veins boil.

“Gabe-,”

“Listen here Sam, you don’t have to be here and you can leave otherwise, things are about to get really ugly.” Gabriel turned to Sam and waited.

“Very well, enjoy the show.” Gabriel faced Michael with sharp determination in his eyes.

“So far…what I’ve gathered is that Michael used to be in a relationship with Dean-o but one tragic accident later, Michael decided that it was time to call it off. That sound about right to you? I think it is.” Gabriel rhetorically asked Sam which only fed Michael’s rage.

“Gabriel, don’t…” Sam said Gabriel instead of the nickname that he usually used.

Gabriel paced toward father’s chair with his arms crossed and humming in thought. “When Dean-o got amnesia, Mikey used it as an opportunity to send him away and start anew. To clean the slate. Am I getting this right?” he asked Sam who but only shook his head.

“Anyway, a few years later, Dean-o comes back but still doesn’t remember anything. Poor Mikey, it must’ve hurt seeing the guy you want end up with your baby brother!” Gabriel grinned as he said the words.

Michael couldn’t remember what happened next, he did however hear Sam scream in the background as Michael charged straight toward Gabriel and pinning his brother to the wall.

“You fucking bastard!” Michael’s porcelain mask kept chipping away from his burning sweat.

“No- fuck you, bastard!” Gabriel cursed back and Michael punched his brother to the floor.

“Michael STOP!” Sam tried pulling Michael away but Michael was stronger. There was blood on Gabriel’s mouth but the trickster’s smile did not disappear.

“Nothing good ever comes out of your mouth!” Michael hissed and Gabriel laughed maniacally.

“You and me both.” Gabriel smirked again and just as Michael was about to deliver another blow, Sam held his arm while Gabriel managed to kick him off. They sent Michael’s body flying to the back of father’s chair, tipping the furniture over.

Sam helped Gabriel get up while Michael used the chair as support. His father’s precious chair had fallen and shame was now mixed with all the other things that Michael felt.

“What do you- what do you want from me?” Michael coughed out as he slowly got up.

He clutched his stomach as tears started to fill his eyes and they seeped in between the cracks of his porcelain mask. The mask of absolute ignorance and apathy, now damaged beyond repair. Its pieces fell and dissipated into the air.

“Even after everything, you still don’t get it do you Michael?” Gabriel asked and Michael stared at him in genuine confusion.

“Remember that time when you and Luke showed me the truth about Kali using me for my money?” Gabriel asked and Michael nodded slowly. “You were the one who showed me and you were there to pick up the pieces so that I didn’t lose myself completely. You were always there for me when I need it the most. Didn’t ever occur to you that one day, I would wanna return the favor and help you when you needed it the most?”

Michael was taken aback. Despite his rage, a glimmer of compassion pulsed in his mind.

“I need you to be more honest about yourself Michael. To be more honest with me. To admit that you are still in love with Dean.”

“No-,” Michael shook his head.

“But you are!” Gabriel corrected.

“No I can’t…” Michael held his elbows and rocked himself back and forth.

“Dammit Michael just admit it!” Gabriel stomped his foot.

“NO I CAN’T!” Michael shouted then there was a pause. His legs felt like jelly again and he dropped to his knees.

“Why won’t it stop?” Michael asked but it wasn’t directed toward anyone in particular.

“I should have left instead of waiting.” Michael’s hands trembled. Sam and Gabriel stared at him but Michael wasn’t looking at them. He stared into empty space and remembered.

“When Dean left…I promised myself…” Michael uttered as he recalled the Impala driving into the sunset.

“I promised I would wait. That one day Dean will remember and return to my arms.”

Almost a year ago, Luke returned for a visit and asked Michael to join him in his travels. Michael declined, insisted that Castiel and Gabriel needed someone to take care of them which of course made Luke laugh. Luke said that Gabriel was old enough to take care of himself and Castiel was almost an adult. He claimed that Michael was lying to himself if he thought that his siblings needed him every day.

Michael brushed Luke’s words aside however they rang some truth. It was that Michael had no intention of leaving when deep in his heart, he was waiting for someone.

“But I almost lost hope. I was close to giving up when suddenly…”

It was also around the same time that Castiel introduced his first friend in high school, Sam Winchester.

_Winchester…_

Michael knew the name came from somewhere but he wasn’t sure if it was…

If it he had…

So Michael kept his guard up and it reflected on his actions.

Michael stared at Sam. “Castiel brought you into our home and it rekindled my hope. I was so sure that you were the same Sam Winchester that I knew through Dean’s stories. His precious brother who also meant the world to him.”

Michael was about to investigate Sam Winchester’s background. He had the means and the resources to do it but then there was a knock on his door.

“And you were.” Michael moved his gaze away from Sam and stared on the floor again. “You were Dean’s brother, which meant-,”

Michael opened the door and suddenly his world turned upside down.

_‘Hey my name’s Dean.’_

“Dean came back. He was at my doorstep. He found me after so many years but he-,”

_‘Hey my name’s Dean. Sam’s older brother. I don’t think we’ve met.’_

“…he…”

 _‘I don’t think we’ve met.’_ Dean’s words repeated in Michael’s head like a resounding nightmare from all those years ago.

“…he couldn’t remember…”

_‘No we have not met. My name is Michael. Castiel’s older brother.’_

_‘Yeah, big family. Anyway, I was wondering if Cas was home.’_

_‘Castiel went out. He said he was with your younger brother. Did Sam not tell you?’_

“…and as cruel fate would have it.”

_‘Yeah I care for Cas.’_

“…he was…”

_‘I care about him a lot.’_

“…Dean was…”

_‘Ever since I met him, he’s all I could think about and I wanna know if he feels or has ever felt the same about me. There’s no denying that I’m crazy about him.’_

“Dean fell in love with Castiel. My darling brother. I lost him again…it is so unfair…” Fat tears started to trickle down Michael’s face and Gabriel knelt on the ground to give him a hug.

Michael wailed in Gabriel’s arms. He wailed while Sam Winchester stood there and watched.

“Why? How could this be? I waited for him Gabriel…I waited and hoped that he would come back…” Michael cried like he never cried before. It was almost as bad as the time when he cried in Luke’s arms after Dean left.

“He was meant to be mine as I was his but he couldn’t- after everything…I was just-,”

Gabriel patted his back in desperate attempt to console him.

“It’s alright Michael, just let it out. Let it all out.” Gabriel consoled him and Michael cried harder until snot, sweat and tears covered his face.

Michael cried and cried. The minutes went by and soon, Michael was done with crying. He was done in so many levels that it took him this long to realize how of a fool he had been for one man. He cried for the nights when he longed for Dean’s company. For the days when he wished he could see Dean smile at him once more. Or just to hear Dean’s laughter would have been enough to help him look forward to another day.

As pathetically romantic as it sounded, Michael never got over Dean. His first love.

Suddenly, something inside Michael shattered. After weeks- no, months- no, YEARS of suffering, the truth had not been clearer to him than ever before.

Michael pulled from Gabriel’s hold and stood up with determination in his eyes. His tears still burned but soon they turned cold just like the sensation in his chest.

“Michael?” Gabriel and Sam ask in unison.

“The Dean Winchester that I loved all those years ago is dead. Just as the love that I had for him.” Michael declared and sorrow filled the other two men’s expressions.

“It died from the moment he forgot my name. When he forgot everything we shared. All that we had.” Michael made a small prayer in his mind.

“The man I love is dead and he is never coming back.”

The prayer was a goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please listen to the song "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's. It's the song of this chapter.  
> Some of the dialogue in this chapter was derived from my other Fic "First Impressions Always Count".  
> It's the Destiel part of this series whereas, this is the Michael/Dean part. 
> 
> So what do you think?  
> More suffering? Should I torture Michael even more?  
> I think I can hurt him a bit more.  
> I actually cried and died a little but anyway, the plot continues!


	15. Chapter 15- Promise to Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael, Gabriel and Sam comes to an agreement. 
> 
> Meanwhile Cas and Dean are living the Teenage Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry of the delay, It's been so cold where I am that my fingers are freezing and unable to type fast enough. Also theres the case of writer's demotivation. 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter, let me know what you think in the comments.

**-Michael-**

_(Around a year ago)_

_When Castiel left to sleep over Sam Winchester’s house for the first time, Michael locked himself in his room. He barely moved nor did he answer Luke’s calls from downstairs._

_“Michael are you dead?” Luke burst through Michael’s bedroom door to find his older brother sitting at the end of his bed with a blank expression on his face. Michael had been sitting there for almost an hour now and Luke asked why he was hiding in his room._

_Instead of answering honestly, Michael forced a smile to form on his face, stood up, walked to the door and promised to start dinner._

_Just as Michael was ready to leave his room, Luke stopped him._

_“Hey Michael, are you okay?” Luke asked and Michael simply responded with indifference. He wanted to make sure that Luke didn’t bring up the subject about a certain someone who may or may not be related to Sam Winchester._

_Winchester._

_The name left a pang of despair in his chest._

_“Yes I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” Michael responded using another question and Luke left it at that._

_***_

_The morning after Castiel returned from his sleep over, Michael drank three cups of coffee to keep himself awake. He couldn’t sleep that night, for the image of a certain person kept haunting his dreams and thoughts._

_Even while Gabriel and Luke teased Castiel about his possible sexual exploits with Sam Winchester, Michael could not remove the possibility that Sam was related to that certain someone._

_Once Castiel had enough and slammed his bedroom door shut, Michael retired to his own room and thought he saw a ghost._

_A boy, who walked very much like that certain person was heading toward the neighborhood. Michael pushed the curtains to the side to get a closer look._

_The boy- no- the man walked in a bow-legged stride, hands on his pocket as if something was troubling him. Michael remembered someone who used to walk like that._

_That certain person would sometimes walk with hands in his pockets whenever he was troubled by something._

_Michael couldn’t remove his eyes from the man until he disappeared in the corner. Then Michael’s eyes found themselves staring at his closet. An itch from many years ago resurrected and it spread under his skin and it sunk to his bones._

_He was about to open his closet when Luke burst through his bedroom door._

_“Michael-I just had the most peculiar encounter with Sam Winchester’s older brother.” Luke said as he jumped on Michael’s bed and rolled on his stomach. Luke’s feet swayed back and forth playfully._

_“Did you now?” Michael did not look at his brother in case the devil noticed something. Something that Michael did not wish to be reminded of._

_“Yes. It was very strange, I could’ve sworn I’ve seen him somewhere before.” Luke said and the words pricked fear into Michael’s spine._

_“Well…” Michael searched for the right words to say. “You have seen more than enough people than anyone in a lifetime, brother. What is another person going to change?” Michael rhetorically asked as his feet carried him to the door._

_“It’s not just that…” Luke continued but Michael finally reached the door and twisted the nob. Finally opening the door, Michael was just about to get out when Luke added. “Dean Winchester…”_

_Michael stopped on his tracks and his feet were solid like concrete._

_“Sam’s older brother, his name is Dean. I could’ve sworn I’ve seen him somewhere before. Does the name ring any bells?” Luke asked with one eyebrow raised._

_Michael turned to his brother and with all strength, he grinned brightly._

_“No. I don’t know who you are talking about.” Michael said and Luke was about to say something when Michael interrupted._

_“Despite this morning, I am glad that Castiel found a friend. Although it would have been less stressful if he had said something sooner.” Michael said and Luke nodded._

_“Well I don’t think Castiel meant it in any malice. Maybe the reason why he never got around to mentioning it to anyone is because this is his first best friend. Other than someone from the family of course.” Luke said and Michael nodded. It was scarce for Castiel to have any friends at around his age who have the same interests and appreciate Castiel’s personality._

_“You may be right.”  Michael answered and Luke smiled at him._

_“Or maybe Gabriel and my speculations are right. Perhaps Castiel is in sexual relationship with Sam and was afraid of us finding out.” Luke mischievously grinned from ear to ear._

_Michael shook his head to dismiss his brother’s thoughts._

_“I highly doubt that. Castiel knows better than to hide something like that from us. Especially from me.” Michael defended Castiel’s honor because after all, Castiel was his most honest and righteous sibling._

_“Mm you never know.” Luke hummed then clicked his cheeks. “Nobody is immune to keeping secrets, Michael. It is a matter of choice.” Luke climbed off Michael’s bed and patted Michael’s shoulders before leaving the room._

_Michael tried not to overthink Luke’s words as a sign. His brother had been in and out of town to all parts of the world so he couldn’t possibly remember the events from three years ago._

_He shouldn’t and Michael intended on keeping it that way._

***

 

Of course Michael couldn’t keep it secret for very long as it turned into poison. Slowly but surely, it was killing Michael inside as it consumed every part and fiber of his being. Every corner of his heart until it corroded that perfect picture of Dean Winchester.  

At the parlor, Michael had been staring into empty space for quite some time now. Gabriel and Sam waited for him although Michael was not sure as to what they were expecting from him. Nor himself.

He no longer knew what to do next so perhaps he finally reached rock bottom. And the only way now was up.

“Michael…” It was Sam who broke the silence and Michael closed his eyes to think. He sighed deeply, inhaling as much air as he could to build enough composure to what he was going to declare next.

Perhaps it was finally time to surrender.

“You have both heard the truth. I hope you are satisfied.” Michael stated firmly. Gradually he was beginning to rebuild his composure, to recreate that broken mask of indifference.

After all, nobody needed to see this side of himself. Weak and vulnerable. The side which he unraveled for that certain someone whom he loved all those years ago.

“So now, I believe that I must apologize for all the lies I made. For all the scheming and manipulation on my behalf, I am sorry. I was at fault and I regret my actions-,” Michael paused as Gabriel removed himself from Sam’s hold and walked toward him. His brother’s eyes narrowed into a glare and Michael expected to be hit again.

So Michael closed his eyes and accepted his punishment but instead he was pulled by Gabriel’s arms and wrapped into a hug. It caught Michael by surprise and judging from the way Sam looked at him, the younger Winchester shared his thoughts.

“You idiot. You big stupid idiot brother of mine! How could you? What makes you think that you have to face this alone?” Gabriel wept and whispered into Michael’s ear.

“I didn’t- you weren’t supposed to be burdened by this...” Michael was at loss of what to say. He was just getting started on recreating his mask. He shouldn’t be at this state.

“Well you’re just a whole new level of stupid now- you should have asked! This is what really pisses me off about you. You always treat us like we’re kids. Like we can’t hold out on our own but that’s where you’re wrong.” Gabriel tightened his hug before turning to face Michael. Michael’s brother stared at Michael in the eyes when he said, “We’re not kids anymore Michael. You don’t have to take all the responsibility. You’re allowed to be weak and you’re allowed to ask for help. You’re my brother, not my parent. You can turn to me when there’s no one else.” Gabriel stated and Michael was just about to promise himself to never cry in front of Gabriel again.

He failed.

“Thank you brother…thank you Gabriel.” Michael pulled his brother in for another hug and noticed that Sam stared at them with a solemn smile. In the parlor, Michael was reminded of the time when he was pushed to a corner.

Of the time when Dean forgot who he was and the world went dark.

Then there was a glint of light, shining from above and an angel descended from the heavens to save him.

It was his own brother Luke who saved him from the darkness and illuminated the way.

The way for Dean to forget and Michael to let go. And Michael hoped it was forever.

Michael and Gabriel pulled from the hug and Gabriel patted Michael on the shoulder before they exchanged smiles. Michael noticed their father’s chair on the floor and decided to lift it up. Gabriel graciously assisted him then Michael turned to the younger Winchester.

“I am sorry that you had to witness this, Sam.”  Michael apologized while he rubbed his hands on his pants. “And for getting you involved in family affairs.”

Sam smiled back at him. “It’s okay Michael in fact, I should say thanks.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “What for?”

“For saving my brother’s life twice and for loving him so much. It’s very impressive, I can’t even compete” Sam coyly rubbed the back of his head.

“It is no trouble Sam. I know how much you care about Gabriel and without a doubt, I entrust his life in your hands.” Michael said and Gabriel turned red.

“Aww shucks! You hear that Samsqautch! Michael’s practically giving us his blessings! We could get married!” Gabriel skipped to Sam’s side and held the tall boy’s hands.

“Jesus Gabe! Don’t joke about that stuff!” Sam also went red as Gabriel however Michael’s brother was now red for a different reason.

“Wha? I didn’t mean right now Samuel! I meant in the future...” Gabriel pointed out and Sam’s lips made an ‘O’ shape. Almost too quickly, Gabriel’s eyes narrowed. “So you don’t plan on getting on one knee for me, is that it?” Gabriel asked and Sam’s face went stern with disbelief.

“Gabe don’t you think it’s a bit too early to be talking about marriage right now? I’m still at school!” Sam cried out but Gabriel made an inhuman sound.

“UGHHHH! Don’t try and wriggle your way out of this Sam! Admit it! You don’t plan on getting married to me someday and you’re just treating our relationship as a joke!” Gabriel accusingly pointed at the boy whose shoulders shrugged in surrender.

“Gabriel you’re crazy.” Sam waved his hands to the side and Gabriel huffed in anger.

“I’m crazy? You’re the asshole who has commitment issues!” Gabriel growled out and Sam was about to shout back but Michael interjected.

“Stop this, both of you.” Michael’s voice boomed loud enough to grab their attention. “You two need to stop before you take things too far.” Michael gave each one of them a commanding look. “You may discuss your plans for the future right after I leave the room.” Michael pointed at the door and both men nodded.

“I’m all ears Michael. Anything to shut this jerk moose up!” Gabriel jabbed a finger at Sam’s bicep which infuriated the boy but Michael could only give a sigh.

“Very well. Since the two of you know about what happened, I no longer have any reason to keep my past affairs with Dean, a secret.” Michael turned to Sam. “Firstly, I will inform John and Mary of what happened.” Then he turned to Gabriel. “Before I share the news to both Dean and Castiel.” Michael sighed and strangely, a smile formed on his face.

“They deserve to know what happened. I owe them _that_ at least.”

Michael momentarily paused to clutch on his chest and feel his pulse. He could almost feel as if Dean was in the very room with them. The Dean from all those years ago.

“Finally, I can end this charade.”

After all, he knew that telling Dean the truth was a sign that he was ready to let go. It was-

“It’s time to move on.”

Liberation.

Suddenly, Michael found himself somewhere else. In a place where the curtains fluttered in the wind and silence was but a distant dream for the dead. Michael found himself in Dean’s patient room and the Winchester sat on the bed staring at him with emptiness in his eyes. Despite how much it hurt, perhaps Michael could finally be free of the pain.

He could finally say _goodbye_.

Then he was back in the parlor with Sam and Gabriel. The other two stared at him with sorrowful frowns and Michael wanted to lift those miserable expressions somehow. Perhaps he could smile since it was the quickest solution he could think of for now.

“Michael…” Sam stepped forward and Michael was caught by surprise when the Winchester wrapped his arms around him.

“I’m sorry.” Sam sounded pained but he didn’t cry. There were no tears in his eyes.

“You do not have to apologize Sam. You were only thinking of what’s best for your brother.” Michael waved his hand at the boy but Sam shook his head.

“But still, you’ve done so much for Dean that it almost seems unfair.” Sam bowed his head at the last part and paused. “I wish someone can do the same for you.”

Michael allowed a chuckle escape. “That’s very kind of you to say Sam, however I think I’ve had my chance already and it’s all over now.”

Michael could almost see his sorry state through Sam’s eyes.

“I’ll be fine. Do not worry about me. I can handle myself.” Michael smiled warmly at the Winchester and thought how lucky Gabriel was to have such a kind partner.

Sam smiled and reached over Gabriel’s shoulders to rest his arm. “We’re happy for you Michael. You’re a good person and even better brother.”

Though Michael did not expect to hear such things from Sam, he was glad nonetheless. It was nice to feel appreciated by someone since lately, Michael couldn’t do it for himself.

“Thank you Sam. I don’t know if I deserve such praise after what I put everyone through. Including you two. All the secrets…I know it’s unforgivable but I understand-,” Michael confessed and Sam dismissed the thought with a wave.

“It’s water under the bridge.” Sam said then added. “If they didn’t love you already from saving my brother’s life recently then I’m sure they’ll love you even more for what you did for him years ago. They’ll understand why you hid the truth once they know how much you care about Dean. There’s no use in blaming you for what happened. Dean wasn’t the only one who went through so much- you deserve others to care of you for once.”

Warmth spread throughout Michael’s chest as Sam’s words soothed any trace of ache in his chest. The younger Winchester impressed him more each day.

“I-I don’t know what to say…” Michael admitted then continued. “Thank you.”

“It’s okay, we’ll help you explain everything. Ain’t that right Gabe?” Sam nudged Michael’s brother on the shoulder.

“No.”

All of a sudden it felt like Michael and Sam heard glass shatter.

“I’m sorry what?” Sam asked and Gabriel shook his head.

“I said ‘no’. I agree with what you said about letting others help Michael for once but I don’t think that telling everyone what happened between him and Dean is a good idea.” Gabriel said and Sam removed his arm from Gabriel’s shoulders.

“Why not?” Sam asked and Gabriel crossed his arms and turned to Michael.

“I think Michael knows the answer.” Gabriel said and Sam seemed more confused than before. The wonderful feeling in Michael’s chest gradually dissipated into something ominous.

“Michael?” Sam asked and Michael was at loss on what to say. If Gabriel was thinking of what Michael thought he was thinking then the reason why they shouldn’t say the truth was because-

“Castiel.” Gabriel’s impatience sounded heavy in the name before he added. “And Dean.”

Sam turned to look at his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow. “What’s this got to do with Cas and Dean?”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Oh c’mon Sam, this has got everything to do with Cas and your brother. Tell him Michael!” Gabriel demanded Michael to explain but fear kept Michael from opening his mouth.

He knew where this conversation was heading. He had been thinking about it for a while now, ever since the beginning.

“Ugh! Fine- I’ll do it!” Gabriel groaned in frustration and stood between Sam and Michael so his back was toward Michael and he faced Sam. He looked at Sam dead in the eye before continuing. “Look, even before Michael told us the truth, I kinda knew why he was trying so hard to hide everything.” Gabriel glanced at Michael for a moment before returning to Sam.

“Apart from being crazy in love with Dean and being petty about it by not telling me, Michael had a good reason why Dean and Cas shouldn’t know about what happened.” Gabriel pointed his index finger to the ceiling to catch Sam’s undivided attention.

“It would be a disaster.” Gabriel answered and Sam rolled his eyes, unconvinced of course.

“Gabe that’s ridiculous.”

“No, Sam listen to me. If Michael told Castiel and Dean what happened, it will not only cause problems for the happy couple but it will also ruin Castiel’s relationship with Michael.” Gabriel pointed out and Sam had a disapproving look. “I’m being serious. All hell will break loose if Dean and Castiel find out.”

Sam crossed his arms disdainfully. “I know you’re being serious but how? How is hiding the truth gonna make things better? Look at it from their point of view. I’m pretty sure if Dean and Cas knew I was in a relationship with someone long ago and they didn’t tell me and I find out- I’ll be pretty pissed off.”

Sam waved his arm out frantically and Gabriel shook his head. “That’s the thing. IF you find out which means IF Castiel and Dean never hears about it then nobody will be angry and nobody will be hurt-,”

“Gabe that’s out of the question-,”

“YES it is Sam! Can’t you see why _he_ hid the truth?” Gabriel pointed at Michael. “Sure, Michael probably didn’t handle things great at the time when Dean got amnesia HOWEVER now that Dean’s back and is in a relationship with Castiel, the _best_ option is to step aside and let them be.”

“I don’t agree Gabe. This isn’t right and you know it! It’s not fair for Cas-,”

Sam was interrupted by Gabriel. “Yeah I know it’s not right. And I know it’s not fair. But you’re missing the part where Michael tried his best to step aside and let Castiel have Dean all to himself.”

There it was.

“You missed the part that after all this time, Michael also lost something. He was also a victim in this whole thing.” Gabriel hissed at Sam’s face and the Winchester’s eyes gazed upon Michael. It was a look that Michael had been trying to avoid.

“What good is gonna come from Dean and Cas finding out? Not only is Dean and Cas are gonna freak out about this, you need to consider Castiel and Michael’s relationship. Castiel had always looked up to Michael and if he ever finds out that he stole the one person that made Michael happy- he’ll either do two things…” Gabriel held two fingers up. “He’ll either get overly possessive of Dean or worse, feel really guilty and break it off with Dean. You know that Cas has a guilt complex, he got it from us.”

Though Sam wanted to disagree, his stern expression gradually softened by guilt.

“I know it’s not fair and we should give Castiel the benefit of the doubt however, there’s also the chance that his relationship with Michael will change.” Gabriel slowly turned to Michael with guilt heavy in his shoulders. “I know it’s ignorance however I wanna think of what’s best for Michael. He lost Dean twice already…I don’t want him losing Castiel as well.”

Then Gabriel pleaded to Sam. “If we tell the truth, one way or another, it’s gonna end badly- especially for Michael…and already he’s been through enough.”

As if an immense gravitational force suddenly weighed upon Michael’s shoulders, causing the ground beneath him to feel like shattering and dragging him to the pits of hell.

“Gabe…” Sam’s furrowed eyebrows eventually relaxed.

“Look, maybe the least we could do is help by not telling the truth. Dontcha think so?” Gabriel asked and Sam took a moment to think about it before he nodded.

“Maybe you’re right.” Sam said hen added. “But I think we should ask Michael for what he wants.” The couple turned to Michael.

Something didn’t sit well in Michael’s stomach. A strange sensation threatened to disrupt whatever sense he had left inside.

“What do you wanna do?” Gabriel grabbed Michael’s attention. “We can keep the secret for you since it was our fault for finding out…” Then Gabriel removed himself from Sam to continue. “But if you ask me, I think it’s best if we keep things between ourselves. You said it yourself, the Dean Winchester that you love is dead and he’s never coming back. Right?” Gabriel asked and Michael paused to let the words sink into his bones.

_Dean Winchester is dead._

“You think that he’s never gonna remember what happened?” Gabriel asked another question.

_The man I love is dead and he is never coming back._

“Yes.” Michael answered which caused Gabriel to share a solemn look with Sam.

“And you’re fine with that? Even after now, you’re just gonna give him up?” Gabriel asked again and Michael’s chest ached.

“Yes. I made up my mind a long time ago and it has not changed.” Michael stated with all the confidence that he could muster.

Gabriel and Sam exchanged one more pitiful look and Michael tried not to let it get to him. Sacrifices were needed to be made before, now was no different.

“I guess that’s it. We’ll keep the secret and leave it be.” Sam answered for the two of them and it caught Gabriel by surprise. Michael gave Gabriel a look, asking if he agreed.

“Yes. We’ll keep this between us.” Gabriel nodded but Sam sighed.

“I don’t like this. I have a bad feeling about keeping this secret.” Sam admitted and Gabriel waved him off.

“We’ll be fine. As long as nobody says anything, everything will be fine. Plus nobody gets hurt. Remember, we’re doing this for Michael.” Gabriel said and Michael felt relief swell in his chest.

“You two…” Michael muttered as he found himself pulling both men into his arms for a hug. “Thank you. Thank you…”

Finally after what felt like forever, Michael could again say that he was ready to let Dean Winchester go. The husk of a man, which Michael had waited for all these years was never coming back. Michael could finally let go of the illusion and let it fade away and at least now, he was no longer alone.

He didn’t have to say good-bye alone anymore.

***

 

**-Dean-**

Somewhere deep in the woods, Dean drove the Impala to a lookout so he could see the sunset over the city. However he wasn’t there to watch the sunset, in fact far from it.

Right now, he was crushing Cas’ lips with his at the back seat of the Impala. They were half way from taking each other’s shirts off before Cas pulled away to pull Dean’s pants down. Lately, this was becoming their afternoon ritual. Dean drove Cas and himself to this place so he and Cas could hook up in peace. They used to spend most of the time making out in Cas’ room however lately, something’s been bugging him about being there. Or being in Cas’ place in general. Something about the place just didn’t sit well with Dean’s stomach. As if he was doing something wrong even though he knew perfectly well that he was allowed to do stuff with Cas in Cas’ bedroom. Hell, Gabriel and Sam were no different, in fact they used to compete over the best place to hook up around the house.

Then suddenly it just stopped.

Dean simply lost interest in going around making out with Cas in different rooms and on the furniture. It never used to bother him before until-

“Dean…” Cas whimpered and Dean suddenly realized that Cas was rubbing their cocks together. Dean didn’t even notice that Cas had already pulled both their pants down and Cas’ hips gyrating underneath him. Sitting his thoughts aside, Dean decided to focus on his boyfriend who was fucking hot and perfect in every way.

Then why did Dean suddenly remember that _he_ looked almost hurt-

“Dean…” Cas’ raspy voice was addictive especially when it called his name. Dean exhaled deeply as he crushed their lips together and submit to the sensation of what Cas was doing to their cocks.

But then, why did _he_ look that way?

Dean shook his head and suddenly wrapped his right arm around Cas’ lithe physique and pulled him up to press their bodies together. Cas let an ecstatic groan escape his throat.

“Cas…” Dean groaned and Cas made a pleased sound at the tip of his tongue.

“Yes Dean…say my name…” Cas pleaded and fuck Dean was even harder than ever. He obliged and whispered ‘Cas’ to Cas’ ear and it made Cas’ eyes roll at the back of his head. While Dean continued to trail kisses on Cas’ neck, Cas shimmied up and Dean chased after his boyfriend’s deliciously warm skin.

“Lie down.” Cas commanded and fuck Dean loved it when Cas took control. Usually Dean was the one who couldn’t get his hands off Cas and lately it was getting even more difficult as Dean’s sex drive somehow sky rocketed to the roof.

Usually it would’ve been easier to just hook up in Cas’ bedroom but it was difficult when his sex drive just strangely went down.

Cas pressed a hand on Dean’s chest as he went down to suckle Dean’s cock. Dean of course gasped in pleasure as Cas’ mouth felt so hot and wet and sinful. Dean couldn’t help but grip on Cas’ hair as his boyfriend gave Dean one of the best blowjobs ever. The way Cas’ eyes looked at Dean was almost enough to make him come there and then that was, if Dean didn’t exercise self-control.

“Babe stop…” Dean muttered and Cas raised a questioning brow while licking the head of Dean’s cock. A weird feeling was growing in his stomach. “I wanna come with you.”

“Okay.” Cas agreed and shuffled up so Dean could see Cas’ cock. It was purple and twitching angrily.

Exactly how Dean wanted Cas to feel right now.

“Dean…” Cas moaned his name again and leaned down to kiss him on the lips. Then Cas started rubbing their cock together. Both hands gripped Dean and Cas’ cocks, mixing their hot precome until the car was filled by their moans and squelching sounds. The glass fogged by their heat as Dean’s orgasm drew close. Judging from Cas’ hips thrusting to Cas’ fist, Dean could tell that his boyfriend was also close.

They shouldn’t have to drive all the way out here but being at Cas’ place and doing this _felt_ wrong.

“Cas baby…”

“Yes Dean…”

It _seemed_ wrong.

“I’m gonna come.” Dean warned and Cas pushed himself forward to meet Dean’s lips as both their cocks erupted all over Cas’ hands and Dean’s stomach. Cas kept pumping until they were both sensitive and panting for air.

Amidst their post-orgasm bliss, Dean stared at empty space while Cas’ body splayed atop of him. Being this close to Cas always felt good. Apart from being smart, funny and kind, Cas was freaking hot during sex. Dean couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend and he still wondered how he got so lucky.

He was lucky and there was no point in worrying. But he wasn’t even sure what he was worried about.

Cas was his and he was Cas’ so why did Dean feel like he was doing something wrong.

A small voice in his head was screaming but he couldn’t understand what it was trying to say. Sometimes it got louder whenever he stepped foot in Cas’ place but he it made no sense. Or it itched whenever he walked through Cas’ kitchen or the parlor where he knew that _someone_ would most likely be sitting.

Maybe he was just overthinking everything.

All he needs to care about was his boyfriend, spent in his arms and planting kisses all over his chest. Cas shuffled up to plant a kiss on Dean’s lips. Dean closed his eyes to picturing Cas’ blue eyes staring at him, Cas’ lips through the taste in his tongue and the feel of Cas’ breath on his warm skin.

When Dean opened his eyes, he saw someone else.

“Dean…”

He did see blue eyes however they didn’t remind him of the deep blue ocean, as if he was standing on a beach. Instead, they reminded him of the sky on a clear sunny day.

Dean saw the other mans’ hair, it was golden and bright as the sunset.

Dean saw a perfect smile with perfect teeth which glistened as the moon at night.

He didn’t see Cas, who was lithe and toned in physique. Instead, he saw a man with broad shoulders and bulging arm muscles and chiseled abs.

The man stared right at him with intense adoration and devotion that it almost made Dean tear up and cry. Dean’s pulse suddenly stopped as if he was trapped in limbo with another man. The man’s eyes stared at him with so much love that Dean could almost say _his_ name-

With a blink of an eye, the man was gone and Dean was back in the Impala with Cas.

“Dean?” Cas tilted his head to the side in confusion like he always did. Before Dean could answer, he looked around and watched the sun disappear into the horizon. Dean furrowed his brow in confusion while Cas waited for him to answer.

“Dean, is there something wrong?” Cas asked and Dean shook his head slowly.

“No…” Dean replied unconvincingly.

“Did I hurt you?” Cas checked on him but Dean shook his head.

“No, I’m fine.” But Dean knew Cas wasn’t gonna settle for that. He knew his boyfriend worried just as much as he did so in a sense they were perfect for each other.

“Thought I forgot something…” Dean added and Cas seemed even more confused.

“What do you mean?” Cas asked and Dean shrugged.

“I’m not sure…” Dean genuinely felt unsure. He was already starting to forget what he just saw.  He smiled at Cas then uttered.  “It’s probably nothing.”

He leaned forward to kiss Cas on the lips and closed his eyes again. It probably was nothing and he shouldn’t dwell on it since Cas felt amazing on his lips. All his problems felt like nothing as long as he was next to Cas.

When he opened his eyes again, there it was again.

The blonde man sat right next to him instead of Cas and Dean made no mistake. He _knew_ who it was.

“Dean, are you sure you’re okay?” Cas called him and the image disappeared.

“Yeah I’m sure.” Dean wasn’t convinced himself. “It’s getting dark. You think we should head back?” Dean dismissed the thought and asked Cas.

Cas nodded and they both quickly reached down to grab their clothes on the floor. Dean offered his shirt to clean themselves up because he had flannel and a leather jacket on top. Cas said thanks and soon they were presentable. Dean threw the come stained shirt on the floor of the back seat, making sure to remember take it with him when he gets out.

Tension hung heavy in the air and even though Dean could tell Cas anything, he didn’t feel like talking about what he saw just now. So Dean did what he could to change the atmosphere and played Bon Jovi’s ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’ on tape. As Dean started singing, Cas eventually tagged along and finally the mood in the car was alleviated.

Dean sung at the top of his lungs while Cas smiled at him with so much affection in his eyes that it hurt. It seemed unfair that Cas could look at Dean that way even though his singing skills should be enough to send anyone opening baby’s car door and jumping off the moving vehicle. However Cas stayed, he listened and placed a hand on Dean’s left shoulder. It felt warm and full of tenderness that Dean made a promise in his head.

He promised himself that he was gonna forget what he just saw earlier because it was crazy.

He couldn’t had possibly pictured Cas’ brother just before.

Cas’ _brother_ Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did any of you expect the last bit?
> 
> It's not over yet! Kudos and comments will be appreciated. 
> 
> Don't forget to subscribe for more!


	16. Chapter 16- Ghost of a Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel and Michael go on a night out for drinks and fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UNEDITED- I shall edit it tomorrow but I wanna get the chapter out for you all because I love yous.

**-Michael-**

After a while, Michael’s life returned back to normal. Well- whatever normal was for him to begin with.

Gabriel and Sam eventually stopped prying to his business every time they bump into each other, in the hall or a room in the house. They even went as far as ask how Michael was doing in social gatherings where Dean was in the vicinity.

In irritation, Michael pinched Gabriel’s ear and took Sam to a corner for a scolding.

Of course, the two boys succumbed but not before explaining that they were just worried for Michael. Again, as soon as Michael heard this, he told them to not worry. Instead, he ordered them to act natural around Dean and Castiel and pretend as if nothing happened. Nothing at all.

Michael assured them that he had been doing this for a while now and eventually things would go back to normal. He asked them to trust him on this because he had been keeping this secret for probably a year now since Dean re-emerged in his life. Probably longer if they count three years ago.

Gabriel and Sam agreed however they wore reluctance in their expressions. They then left Michael to return to the other room where Castiel and Dean were.

Michael could only massage his forehead with his fingers. He pressed and pressed until the irritation went away. Keeping the secret before was difficult but now it was even worse when he had to assist others.

Nevertheless, he had to persevere. After all, what was ever normal in Michael’s life?

***

 

As Sam and Castiel’s final exams loom over the horizon, Gabriel grew restless and one afternoon while Michael returned from his routinely jog, the sweet-toothed trickster barged into his room just as he was about to get changed.

“Jesus Michael!” Gabriel twirled around to look the other way since he just received a full frontal from Michael.

“I should be saying that to you Gabriel! How many times have I told you to knock on the door?” Michael hissed while he clumsily reached for the towel and wrap it around his waist.

“You didn’t answer!” Gabriel cried out.

“Because I was in the shower!” Michael pointed at his bathroom but Gabriel wasn’t looking as he had his back turned to him.

“Alright- alright…” Gabriel threw his hands to the sides. “I’ll knock on the door...” Then Gabriel closed the door behind him.

Michael shook his head in disbelief, Gabriel is very much like Luke at times. Both had complete disregard for privacy or manners.

Just as Michael was about to put some underwear on, he heard a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” Michael asked.

“It’s me.” Gabriel answered and Michael rolled his eyes. He pulled his underwear up and quickly reached for some pants before letting his brother in.

“What do you want?” Michael irritatingly asked and Gabriel’s expression scrunched up in displeasure.

“Don’t snap at me! Rude!” Gabriel walked into the room and jumped on Michael’s bed. Michael merely inhaled deeply in order to regain his composure and ignore his brother’s comment about manners.

Michael returned to his closet to find a shirt to wear. All of his clothes were neatly folded and arranged in order of use- from staying at home or leaving the house. No doubt, Castiel had a similar closet on the other hand, Gabriel’s was the total opposite.

“Have you got plans for tonight?” Gabriel asked and Michael began buttoning his shirt.

“No, why do you ask?” Michael speculated that Gabriel was up to something. Perhaps he had plans with Sam and he needed Michael out of the house.

“Because I was thinking of doing something that we haven’t done in a while…” Gabriel said just in time for Michael to finish the last button.

“Oh?” Michael wondered as there were countless of things that he used to do with Gabriel that no longer occurred. Not since their father passed away and Gabriel learned independence. “What do you have in mind?” Michael asked and Gabriel’s legs swung back and forth as Luke usually did.

“We haven’t been out for drinks in a very long time. Y’know just the two of us, hittin’ a club, grabbing everyone’s attention.” Gabriel winked and Michael rolled his eyes then shook his head.

“I believe it was you who tended to take everyone’s attention by any means necessary.” Michael chuckled to himself as he remembered how Gabriel used to challenge alcoholics for shot games.

“That’s true but you were really popular and you didn’t even need to bat an eye.” Gabriel shifted his position so he could sit on the bed.

Michael didn’t respond to that, instead he arranged some books on his large desk.

“So how about it Mikey?” Gabriel grabbed Michael’s attention. “Let’s go out tonight! We always turn heads whenever we go. It’ll be fun!”

Michael raised an eyebrow in speculation. “I do not think so Gabriel. What makes you think that I wish to go waste money on cheap alcohol and listen to irritating music when I can have peace in my own home with an expensive bottle of wine? Knowing you, you have a hidden agenda for asking this.” He leered at Gabriel who made a ‘pfft’ sound.

“I dunno what you’re talking about Mikey!” Gabriel waved a hand in disbelief. “Can’t I spend some time with my brother without being accused of having an ulterior motive?”

“No you can’t.” Michael blankly stated.

Gabriel clutched his chest. “You wound me Mikey! But fine there’s no point in being cheeky with you.” Gabriel’s shoulders slumped. “It’s just that- it’s been boring here lately since Samsquatch and Cassie are studying so much and I thought it’d be nice to let loose for once. And just enjoy our early twenties like everyone else.”

Gabriel was right, Castiel and Sam had been too preoccupied with studying lately. “That is true Gabriel however, why are you asking me? You know that I’ve left that lifestyle a long time ago.” Michael reminded and Gabriel nodded.

“Yeah I know you did but at the time I didn’t know why you suddenly stopped. I thought you just decided to leave all that stuff behind because you wanted to take care of us more…but now it’s different…” Gabriel muttered and Michael stepped closer so he could hear his brother clearer.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked and Gabriel shook his head.

“It’s nothing…never mind- forget I said anything!” Gabriel made his way to the door but Michael was faster. Michael slammed the door shut with his hand and stared directly into Gabriel’s eyes. Demanding the truth.

“Gabriel, you’re not leaving this room until you tell me the truth.”

Gabriel’s feet fidgeted and with a sigh, the shorter Novak finally submitted.

“I just think that it should be high time that you get out and meet new people.” Gabriel admitted. “Y’know…after everything that’s happened-,”

Michael had to interrupt. “Choose your words carefully brother.”

“I know!” Gabriel cried out. “I know…it’s just.” Gabriel glanced to the side for a moment before returning his eyes to Michael. “I feel bad for you- and before you bite my head off about not wanting my pity please hear me out-,” Gabriel hushed Michael with his index finger. “I think it’s about time that you move on and try seeing other people because locking yourself up in this house and pretending that you’re happy with the way things are, it’s not healthy in my opinion. Especially since you live in close quarters with Castiel and Dean for heaven’s sakes…” Gabriel uttered the last bit with regret and Michael expected himself to feel infuriated however he didn’t.

For once, he wasn’t so agitated with talking about Dean.

“Look, I just want you to be happy-” Gabriel admitted and Michael had to interject.

“Do not mistake me brother, I am happy. I find great fulfilment in taking care of you and Castiel.”

“I know you do! But now that I know more, I notice things and I could tell by the way that you look at Castiel and Dean that you want something more than just staying in this house and reading daddy’s books.” Gabriel noted and it caused Michael’s blood to boil.

“Gabriel I know you mean well however I must insist that I am doing just fine on my own.” Evem Michael could hear the harshness of his tone.

“I didn’t mean-,” Gabriel tried interjecting but Michael wouldn’t let him.

“And believe me when I say, I don’t need a man to survive. I’m not some high school teenager who desperately needs to be in a relationship.” Michael added with great sarcasm.

No sound came out of Gabriel’s mouth but instead, he sighed and clicked his cheek.

“I didn’t mean that you get into a _relationship_.” Gabriel softly whispered. “Just thought you could unwind for once…”

A tense pause swept the air before Gabriel continued.  “I just wanted to help because you’ve done so much. Not just for Castiel and Dean but for everyone. And it kinda sucks that they don’t even have a clue on how much you’ve done for them…” Gabriel bowed his head and reached for the door knob. Michael stepped to the side to let Gabriel out.

Gabriel opened the door and turned to Michael once more. “I’m sorry for this. I should’ve have asked.”

Michael felt like the worst person in the world so he closed the door to keep Gabriel inside.

“No.” Michael stated. “I should say sorry. You were only looking out for me and I turned you away…” Michael looked Gabriel straight in the eye as he said, “For that I am sorry and it would be nice…” Michael was hesitant to say the words but he forced himself to try at least. “It would be nice to spend some time with you tonight.” He could try for his brother at least.

“I dunno Michael…I don’t want you to feel obligated…” Gabriel said and Michael sighed in surrender.

“No…it’s no obligation. I would like to come out with you tonight.” Michael said and

The frown on Gabriel’s face gradually disappeared and Michael’s brother beamed brightly.

“Naww Mikey! I knew you’d come around!” Gabriel jumped on Michael and wrapped him in a tight hug. Michael could barely breathe. “I was starting to think that I was your least favorite sibling.”

“Why would you think that?” Michael raised an eyebrow.

“Because!” Gabriel released Michael. “We share very little things in common apart from the small fact that we’re both secretly deviants and have a thing for Winchesters.” Gabriel winked.

“I am sure that everyone is aware of your sexual nature brother.” Michael teased but Gabriel seemed unoffended. The excitement on Gabriel’s face was almost infectious.

“Can’t believe we’re going out tonight after so long! I’m gonna look my best and Sam’s gonna be worried sick that some dangerous pervert might hit on me!” Gabriel giggled and as always, Michael rolled his eyes.

“I think you should speak for yourself Gabriel.”

***

 

After hours of waiting for Gabriel to get ready and finish arguing with Sam about menial things, Michael finally called a taxi to take them to the city. Gabriel was annoyed because Sam was not the least worried that someone might flirt with Gabriel. This of course caused Gabriel to feel insecure about himself, followed by a therapy session from Castiel and a heated make-out session with Sam to make up. Sam said that he really needed to focus so they stopped and told Gabriel to not distract him by calling while they were out. Gabriel promised kissed Sam some more.

Disgusted, Michael turned to Castiel and told him to call if they needed anything and that there was food in the fridge if they got hungry. Castiel thanked him and bid them farewell as the taxi took Michael and Gabriel to Benny’s bar.

Michael had not stepped foot in this place in a very long time and nothing much has changed. There might have been new lights and furniture but the atmosphere remained the same. The scene remained bustling with singles trying to get lucky or couples drinking with their friends. The dance floor was packed as the music played an old hip hop song- well old depending on one’s perspective.

Still, the place welcomed Michael like a lost son.

“Let’s get a drink.” Gabriel nudged Michael on the elbow and Michael tried not to let other people’s stares get to him. He was wearing a white buttoned up shirt and blue slacks yet they still stared.

He didn’t know why they would since he looked nothing like his old self. The old Michael would’ve worn a tightly fitted shirt and blue jeans however Michael had no intentions on resurrecting old identities.

For now, he wanted to be himself. The real him.

As Michael followed Gabriel, his eyes met with someone he did not expect.

“Michael.”

Dean Winchester’s mouth muttered and Michael saw even from afar. The older Winchester wore the typical leather jacket ensemble with a beer in hand as an addition.

“Winchester.” Michael blurted out and someone at the bar snatched Dean’s attention.

It was Benny and Dean smiled at something that the burly man said. Michael felt chills in his spine as he wondered if Dean was associated to Benny in any way. Michael made a mental note to not lose his cool since he had history with the two men in front of him.

Of course, it didn’t take long for Michael to catch Dean. “What’re you doin’ here Dean-o?” Gabriel cheekily asked and Dean had to remove his eyes off Michael to answer.

“I was uhh-,” Dean cleared his throat. “Benny’s a friend of mine and he works here.”

Then Dean’s green eyes searched for something in Michael’s face. Michael could not pin point as to what. Dean almost seemed like his old self-

“How about you?” Dean asked Michael even though Gabriel was right next to him.

Michael was about to reply but Gabriel interjected. “Michael, what drink do you want?” Gabriel asked and Michael turned to both Benny and his brother.

“Just a glass of water would be fine.” Michael replied and felt Dean’s eyes on him the entire time.

“Um how about no? C’mon Mikey! We’re supposed to be unwinding tonight which will involve hard liquor!” Gabriel gestures his hands toward Benny who gave Michael a sly knowing look. 

Defeated, Michael sighed. “A gin and tonic then.”

Gabriel quickly turned to Benny however Dean’s gaze manipulated Michael’s attention.

 “Anyway,” Dean continued. “What brings you all the way out here? Didn’t expect someone like _you_ to go in a place like this.”

Suddenly Dean shifted into his usually sarcastic self.  “I happen to be Michael’s favorite brother and agreed to come out for some drinks and have fun tonight.” Gabriel nudged Michael’s elbow and Dean went wide eyed in surprise.

“Fun? I didn’t think you even knew what the word meant or something that I’d associate with you.” Dean cackled and Michael’s eyes sharpened. While this was happening, Gabriel tried getting acquainted with Benny in order to get free drinks. Michael should stop his brother however he was more annoyed by Dean’s comment.

Benny finished making their drinks just in time for Michael to snap Dean a glare.

“I would have you know that I am more than capable of enjoying the simple pleasures of life outside my home.” Michael bit out, took his drink and turned to Gabriel.

“You’re paying for this round brother.” Then Michael left Dean one last glare. “Now if you’ll excuse me.” Michael left the counter and headed somewhere, anywhere but Dean Winchester’s vicinity.

It was going to be a long night and he had a feeling that he’d need more than one drink.

***

Michael ended up going to the bathroom after he downed the gin and tonic in a matter of seconds. He wasn’t sure where to go since he went in here with Gabriel but he certainly did not wish to be near Dean. As Michael searched the crowd, he noticed that Gabriel was on the phone standing next to Dean. Both men were no longer next to the counter so Michael took this opportunity to by himself another drink to drown the words that Dean said earlier.

‘I didn’t think you even knew what the word meant.’

The gin and tonic wasn’t enough to numb the sting so Michael cut through the crowd, ignored people’s glances and made a bee line to the counter, only to be grabbed by someone by the arm.

“Michael!”

Michael turned and found his brother Luke standing right behind him with a black shirt and black jeans.

“Luke?” Michael asked as he was pulled into a brotherly hug. “You’re back. Why didn’t you contact me?”

Luke grinned from ear to ear.

“Can’t I surprise my siblings from time to time?” Luke asked and Michael narrowed his eyes.

“The last time you surprised me, you drugged me and I spent an entire day suffering.” Michael flicked his brother’s hands off him.

“Oh c’mon Michael! It was just a bit of Viagra and natural aphrodisiacs. Nothing too harmful. Nobody has ever died from having an erection…oh wait I think some have…” Luke wondered before continuing. “Anyway, I went by our place and nobody was home except for Castiel and Sam. They said that you and Gabriel went out so I went out to look. I didn’t think I’d find you in the first place I went into.”

Michael nodded however his attention was caught by Gabriel’s shout. His brother was on the phone yelling at someone and Michael suspected that it was Sam.

“What is going on?” Michael asked but the question wasn’t directed at anyone in particular. Luke moved his gaze to Gabriel and Dean’s direction and chuckled. “I may have told Gabriel a lie that I saw Castiel and Sam fucking like bunnies.”

Michael furrowed his brow. “You said that to him?”

Luke laughed. “You should’ve seen his face Michael! He went red and quickly called Sam but when he couldn’t reach him, he used Dean’s phone!” then his brother’s laughter grew louder.

Michael bee lined through the crowd again to diffuse Gabriel’s rage, explained that Luke tricked him and restrained him from assaulting Luke. Once the ruckus was dissolved, Michael ordered the two of them to stay as far away from each other as possible before the security, or Benny at this point, dragged them outside.

“STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!” Michael demanded.

“I was fine until this asshole showed up!” Gabriel sneered at Luke. “Don’t you have some plane to catch? I hope you get kidnapped and taken for ransom so I can pay your captors a box of some dead animal to make them beat the shit out of you. Until you lose all your teeth!”

“You forget that I like getting bound and spanked.” Luke licked his upper lip and Gabriel was about to charge forward when Michael stopped him.

“Enough both of you!” he shouted and Gabriel backed away.

“I’m sorry Mikey, I just can’t stand having him around. He’s the devil.”

“And proud of it.” Luke smugly raised his chin.

“Is this how you guys usually have fun?” Dean asked in the background and Michael threw the Winchester the dirtiest look before returning his gaze to his brothers.

“If you don’t stop, I will leave this place and we can forget about going out ever again.” He threatened Gabriel then he moved on to Luke. “We barely ever spend time together without you trying to antagonize someone. If you wish to join us tonight then I ask that you be on your best behavior. Don’t give me a reason to never leave the house.” He scolded and Luke bowed in compliance.

“Now I don’t want to see any more trouble for the rest of the night- you hear me?”

Both brothers nodded and Michael straightened his back. He fixed his shirt and the wisp of his hair before Luke disappeared into the crowd and Gabriel handing Dean his phone back.

Michael walked to the counter to order a much awaited drink. Something stronger this time, perhaps whiskey on the rocks.

“Hey.” Michael turned to see Dean next to him. They were about a ruler’s length apart, perhaps for safe measure.

“What do you want?” Michael asked and Dean couldn’t reply since Benny took Michael’s attention. Benny asked how things were with Gabriel and Luke and Michael assured that things were fine. Though benny seemed unconvinced, he let it slide and asked for what drink Michael wanted. Michael ordered the whiskey on the rocks and Benny got to work.

Michael almost forgot that Dean was standing there watching him.

“I just wanted to say sorry…” Dean paused and the apology caught Michael’s attention. “Sorry for what I said earlier, about you being no fun and all.”

Michael went wide eyed in surprise however he quickly found the means to compose himself.

“It doesn’t matter, I have almost forgotten it completely.” Michael replied and he did not intend the irony of what he said.

“Yeah but I feel bad for what I said.”

Michael raised an eyebrow and Benny handed him his drink. He took some money out of his wallet and told Benny to keep the change.

“Don’t feel bad for me Winchester. There’s some truth to what you said and you heard it while I was lecturing my brothers. To you I may not be a very interesting person but I don’t care…I care very little for your opinion of me as I have more important things to worry about.” Michael bitterly stated and looked over his shoulder to watch Gabriel talk on the phone. Probably apologizing to Sam.

Dean looked dumbfounded for a moment and speechless. He leaned over the counter with a drink in hand which was half full, it reminded Michael to drink his. So he took a sip, felt the whiskey burn his throat.

“Yeah I’m kind of an asshole to you aren’t I?” Dean asked and Michael pondered the words for a moment but said nothing back.

“Correction, I _am_ an asshole to you.” Dean continued and this time, Michael decided to speak up.

“Don’t worry about it. As I said before, I don’t care of what you think of me.” Michael took another sip of his drink and it didn’t satisfy to his expectations.

“Well since you don’t care…” Dean muttered. “Guess there’s no point in letting you know that you’re a pretty cool guy, for looking out for your brothers.”

Michael missed a step.

“I think it’s quite cool how you value the time that you spend with your brothers even though you’re all adults and have separate lives.” Dean added and Michael remained frozen in surprise.

“So yeah…I honestly think that you’re pretty stuck up sometimes but…you’re also pretty awesome sometimes.” Dean commented before pushing himself off the counter. “But hey, you don’t care so I’ll just shut up now.”

Michael nodded but not for the shutting up part, but for the first.

“Cool. Enjoy your drink.” Dean trailed off and Michael was left leaning at the counter with a dumbstruck expression which Benny noticed.

“Even after all this time…” Benny said as he wiped the counter. “That guy’s got you wrapped around his finger.” Benny chuckled and went to serve a customer.

Michael clasped his glass firmly and prayed that it didn’t break from his strength. He sighed and turned around to find Dean talking to Gabriel. Even though Dean was the one who insulted him, why did he feel worse than the whiskey’s aftertaste?

***

 

The night went by and Michael wished he never went out. The music in the background diluted with people’s voices and became insignificant. Neither he nor Dean said anything to each other since. Instead, they just stood there gazing into each other’s eyes as if everything around them didn’t matter. Michael almost forgot he was in other’s company.

When Dean was talking to someone, Michael’s eyes trailed to Dean’s direction. Likewise, Dean would stare while someone had Michael’s attention. It felt like a never ending exchange of tension and Michael didn’t know how long it was going to last. He hoped soon because what he was doing was wrong.

Dean was in a relationship with Castiel, his brother and Michael had to constantly remind himself otherwise he might do something that he might regret. So Michael kept himself preoccupied by drinking and talking to anyone but Dean. At least Benny was supportive by not saying anything about Dean from three years ago and checking up on Michael whenever he ordered a drink.

Once Michael started to feel the effects of alcohol, he contemplated on leaving. He barely left Gabriel’s side which consequentially bound him in Dean’s vicinity.

He was partially at fault with this.

He did not actively seek anyone in the crowd, though many had shown interest. Some had even flirted in between buying drinks and returning to Gabriel’s side. Sometimes they approached their circle in which case, Michael left the flirting to Gabriel and Dean since they were both in a relationship and he trusted them. When someone spoke to him, he always smiled but never touched or actively sought their attention.

For how could he? Dean’s gaze roused unbearable guilt in Michael’s stomach. It was enough to make Michael timid or meek toward others. At one point, Michael had to excuse himself to the bathroom and waited until his party was left alone.

Luke fluttered in and out of their booth from time to time but not for very long.

It wasn’t as if anything interesting was happening to Gabriel and Dean. They couldn’t do anything with anyone and they showed no interest whatsoever since they were in relationships. Unfortunately, Michael felt the same way and showed little to no interest toward anyone, except for the bow legged man who was ordering another drink with Gabriel.

Michael sat on a booth and guarded Dean and Gabriel’s spots. He just about to look at the time when Luke appeared.

“Michael get up!”

Michael flicked his brother’s hand away. “Don’t tell me what to do.” At this point, Michael had drunk quite a lot and no longer cared for manners. Not that it offended Luke the slightest.

“Michael, two men approached me asking about you. I think they’re interested in an orgy!” Luke explained and both Dean and Gabriel arrived with their drinks.

“What orgy?” Gabriel asked.

“Those two fine gentlemen over there-” Luke pointed at two muscular men who stood next to each other and checking Michael and Luke out. “They wish to know if Michael is interested in joining an orgy.” Luke repeated.

“Just Michael?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

“They asked me too and I said yes of course! Michael on the other hand is being a prude.” Luke tugged Michael’s forearm and Michael resisted. Tonight was a disaster and he just wanted to go home. Instead of unwinding, he got subjected to Dean’s staring. Just like what the Winchester was doing now. Dean stared at Michael as if he witnessed someone hurt a puppy.

He wanted the staring to stop.

“C’mon Michael! At least let them talk you into it through drinks?” Luke insisted and Michael noticed that Dean’s staring only got worse.

He had to get away from the staring somehow.

“Very well.” Michael conceded and Luke cheered excitedly. Michael got up and felt his body grow heavy. He avoided eye contact of any sort with Dean nor look at the Winchester’s general direction. He followed Luke and ignored the chilling sensation of Dean’s eyes digging into his back. Even Gabriel gave him a look earlier but Michael had to be strong.

He shouldn’t delve into the subject.

Hell, he shouldn’t even be thinking about Dean. Dean was not supposed to be here tonight nor was Luke. It was meant to be him and Gabriel spending some quality time together and make a desperate attempt to move on from the ghost of a man whom resembled Castiel’s boyfriend.

He wasn’t supposed to be in the same room as the said man while he flirted with a carbon copy of a porn star standing right in front of him. Nothing tonight went according to plan nor did it felt right.

Everything felt wrong.

As Michael tried to be interested in the man in front of him, he couldn’t help but shiver a little when the man touched his arm or stroked his bicep. All Michael could do was return the gesture with a smile and think of an escape.

When the man whose name he could barely remember, James? Jim? (call him Jim) leaned closer to slide a hand over Michael’s shoulder and whisper something dirty to Michael’s face, someone suddenly pulled Jim’s shoulder. Michael looked over to check who it was.

It was Dean.

Dean did not even give Jim, if that was his name, a chance to speak before Dean threw punch, strong enough to knock the other man to the ground with a loud thud.

Everything went by so fast so Michael just sat there and watched Gabriel drag Dean away while Benny stopped the man, who was talking to Luke and Jim’s friend, from assaulting Dean.

Tonight was meant to be a chance for Michael to escape his complicated life. However, how could he when there was nothing normal about his life to begin with?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did any of you expect this to happen? ;)


	17. Chapter 17- Feeling Indebted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after the incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoy this chapter as payment.

**-Michael-**

Before Michael prepared lunch, he wandered to the library. It was where Castiel, Anna and he used to spend most of their time when they were very young. The library consisted of books that have been in their family for generations, some were old enough to attract book connoisseurs, should they know what lurks within the shelves. The library was expansive and it would take Michael at least half a day just to clean and remove as much dust as possible.

The library had two levels as their parents loved books. One of Michael’s fondest memories were of his mother reading him and his siblings a story before going to sleep. It was a nice escape from father’s serious bible studies. Though their father was a great academic, he based most of his principles and rules from the bible and Michael was more than willing to comply. He enforced his father’s word like law.

However his siblings thought otherwise.

Michael breathed in the smell of ancient paper as he walked toward the piano which was located at the center of the room, in between the two staircases which climbed to the second floor.

The parlor was the place where Michael read his book most of time now however the library was where he went to escape. For now, Michael sought peace in the piano keys as he played flexed his fingers and practiced a tune from memory. Last time he used the piano, Castiel was next to him however after hearing his baby brother’s apology this morning from last night’s incident, Michael simply wanted to be alone.

Last night…

Last night was a catastrophe.

It was supposed to be a relaxing night if it weren’t for Dean getting violent over someone who was flirting with Michael. The look of confusion was written all over the Winchester’s face as Gabriel lectured him outside. Luke escorted Michael while he apologized to the gentlemen involved in the incident. Including to Benny.

Gabriel volunteered to take Dean home while Michael and Luke shared a taxi. The ride home was awkward and Luke didn’t say much. Instead, he had a knowing look on his face, one that Michael had not seen in a very long time.

When they got home, Castiel was already asleep and Michael didn’t have the courage to face his brother in the morning until Castiel approached him in breakfast and apologized for Dean’s actions. Dean or Sam must’ve contacted him because Gabriel and Luke were nowhere to be found.

Of course, Michael forgave Dean’s actions, Castiel didn’t have to do it in Dean’s stead however his brother was compelled to take the blame. Not surprising because Castiel was just that responsible. Even though it wasn’t his fault, he would apologize on other’s behalf at times.

After all, Dean had a track record for using his fists instead of his words. Castiel could testify to this and Michael agreed.

However Michael would be lying if he accepted that last night’s incident was nothing out of the ordinary.

Michael knew what the look on Dean’s face meant while Gabriel dragged him out of the bar. He had seen that look before and as Michael played the keys on his piano, he was sent back to one of the nights when Dean acted out in brute force.

***

**-Three Years Ago-**

While on a date, Dean caught some stranger prepositioning Michael which led to Dean throwing a fist on the man’s face before Michael could stop him. Michael knew he could’ve handled things better and forcefully dragged Dean away from kicking the other man in the face. Feeling insulted, Dean shouted at Michael for stopping him, which infuriated Michael as they lost seats in one of the finest establishments in the city and their date as ruined.

Dean jabbed his finger on Michael’s chest while Michael flicked his hand away. They were fighting in the middle of the street and people were looking however Dean didn’t care. He didn’t care about what other people thought sometimes and when Michael shouted at the Winchester to stop being such an uncivilized brute, Dean slapped him across the face. Michael’s glasses flew to the floor and he knew they certainly cracked.

Dean screamed, “I’m an uncivilized brute?” and continued slapping Michael’s face.

Michael tried catching the other man’s wrists but Dean kept resisting and hitting his face with violent slaps. When Michael told him to stop, Dean pushed him, sending Michael a few steps back but not enough to lose his balance. Michael knew they looked ridiculous judging from everyone’s stares so tried placing a hand on Dean’s face but Dean flicked his hand away. It made Michael’s blood boil even more.

“I hate you!” Dean shouted and turned the other way but Michael demanded his attention.

“Dean get back here!”

Michael pulled the other man’s hand to pull him in but it only made Dean slap him more. They had fights worse than this but every time it happened, Michael lost composure. Usually he would’ve walked away, left and never came back but every time one of them turned their back to the other, the other would always find a way to bounce back. Either through more violence or…

A passionate kiss.

Next thing he knew, Michael laid underneath Dean as if their fight never happened.

The Winchester gently snored while Michael caressed his back. Dean drooled on his bare chest and their skin were covered in sweat and come. They didn’t even make it into their suite before Michael pinned Dean to the wall and pulled his pants down to started grinding their cocks together.

Since he couldn’t be bothered going all the way to the bedroom to get the lube, he flipped Dean around so the man was facing the wall while Michael got on his knees and parted Dean’s ass cheeks, revealing that beautiful pink pucker which eagerly swallowed his cock…or his tongue.

Michael wasted no time to slobbering Dean’s hole with hungry licks and spit slicked fingers. Once two to three fingers were inside, Michael would lose his patience before releasing his cock and commanding Dean to getting it wet.

It was no obligation for Dean as got on his knees and began sucking Michael’s tool with deep devotion and deep-throating.

It didn’t take long before Michael lifted Dean up by his knees and started thrusting into the boy’s hole. Of course they could be clumsy in the heat of the moment but since Dean was just as eager as Michael, he reached underneath and guided Michael’s cock into his hole so Michael could push up and hit home.

A gasp escaped Dean’s mouth and a little drool dribbled after before Michael was fucking into him furiously as if there was no tomorrow. The wall reverberated with a sound from Dean’s back hitting it. And the halls of their suite echoed with their moans reaching all the way up to the bedroom where Michael carried Dean after they came the first time, together.

Dean kissed Michael in every step of the way. Until they were in bed and ready to go for a second round.

Dean was a mess after the next two rounds before collapsing on top of Michael, with Michael’s cock still buried inside him. The Winchester nuzzled Michael’s chest as sleep eventually took him, leaving Michael to wonder how everything got to this.

How everything wonderful yet chaotic in the world was somehow wrapped in his arms, sound asleep without a care in the world.

It was the complete opposite to Michael because right there and then, Michael didn’t care about anything else but Dean Winchester. He imagined the agony if he were to lose Dean.

At that point, Michael realized he was in love.

Question was, did Dean feel the same?

***

 

**-Michael-**

Michael finished warming up just in time for the door to slam open and a pageant of Luke, Gabriel and Sam entered the room. They were bickering about something, mainly Gabriel and Luke and Michael’s playing moved to a halt.

“I can’t believe that you went to Luke for help instead of me!” Gabriel accusingly pointed at his older brother Luke.

“Ah.” Michael concluded that Gabriel and Sam were now aware of the fact that Luke knew. In fact Luke knew more things than Bobby or Tessa or Dean…

“That’s beside the point.” Luke interjected then added, “Michael, tell Gabriel and Sam that Dean does not remember.”

“Hell no, you didn’t see the look in Dean’s eyes last night. He was going green when that guy started talking to Michael and actually hulked out.” Gabriel hissed but Luke seemed unmoved.

“Oh please, he was just a little drunk. Everybody does something stupid when they’re drunk.” Luke rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“Yes that may be true.” Sam stepped forward and looked at Michael with deep concern. “However Dean reacted when someone was flirting with Michael. He’d only do that sort of stuff to Cas…”

“What are you implying?” Michael asked firmly with a hint of harshness in his tone.

Sam and Gabriel looked at each other for a moment s if they were communicating telepathically.

“We were thinking that-,” Sam spoke for the two of them. “Maybe Dean’s starting to remember things…”

Sam stopped as guilt washed over his face. Luke groaned in frustration.

“What Samuel here is trying to say is that we spill the beans about your past with Dean since he’s _apparently_ remembering things.” Luke gestured quotation marks on the word apparently.

“It’s not _apparently_ , it’s the truth!” Gabriel cut in. “After last night, you can’t seriously think that Dean isn’t starting to remember? Dean’s no different than a ticking bomb! He’s eventually gonna remember and this is gonna blow over Michael’s face-,” Gabriel pointed at Michael while he spoke to Luke. “-and everyone’s!”

“Oh please.” Luke rolled his eyes in disbelief.

“Is it just me and Sam who thinks that hiding the truth is a bad idea?” Gabriel asked then turned to Michael. “Mikey, you gotta know that what we’re doing is wrong. We’re just delaying the inevitable.”

“No we’re not.” Luke blurted out.

“YES we are!” Gabriel argued back but Luke wouldn’t let up.

“So what? Do wish for Michael to go up to Dean and Castiel and explain the truth? Have Michael get his heart broken for the second time around by that idiot Winchester? I thought the two of you agreed to never say a word about what happened for Michael’s sake? What happened to that promise?” Luke accusingly pointed to both Sam and Gabriel. “You weren’t there when it all fell apart brother but I was. Let me tell you that I have never seen Michael so depressed that I was contemplating of ending Dean there and then.” Luke growled out and Sam flinched at hearing his brother being in danger.

“I may not be the best brother Gabriel however, you have no idea whose strings I had to pull in order for Dean to disappear from Michael’s life and vice versa.” Luke snapped Michael a look.

“I have known for a while that Dean was the same guy you fell in love with years ago but since you weren’t over him, I just didn’t say a word. I let everything slide because I thought you were over him and you could handle yourself but I come back and find that Gabriel and Sam knows-,” Luke scolded Michael while pointing at both Sam and Gabriel. “And Tessa found out where you lived. Good gracious Michael, your Godfather-ly skills are getting rusty.”

Luke tutted and crossed his arms before turning to Gabriel and Sam.

“Listen, when it comes to Dean, Michael’s a bit of an idiot as you can tell from how everything is now however-,” Luke pointed out. “Nobody and I mean nobody has the right to mess with us Novaks, even if it’s the people we’re crazy about.” Luke directed the last part to Sam who bowed his head in shame.

“Since both you and Michael…” Luke looked down at Gabriel. “…are hopeless with relationships, I always have to step in and clean up your mess. Don’t you remember that I had to lie in order for you to stay away from that woman Kali for good? I know what’s in our heart Gabriel and if I didn’t intervene and throw myself in the firing line, you wouldn’t be here with Sam Winchester and instead be in the arms of that abusive woman.” Luke pointed out and it infuriated Michael.

“Luke that is enough!”

“Don’t forget what I did for you brother!” Luke warned Michael and snapped a challenging look. “I helped you make sure that Dean gets back home safely to his family while you hid in your room crying because you couldn’t get the strength to say good-bye. You knew it was over then but you couldn’t accept it so you asked for my help which I generously offered and so much more.”

Michael was hushed by and neither Gabriel nor Sam intervened Luke’s ramblings.

“I was the one who answered your cries for help because daddy left without a word and Anna is Father-knows-where. I made it so that everyone can be happy and yet some of _you_ think it’s better to destroy everything that I worked so hard to accomplish.” Luke shook his head disappointingly. “Does anybody consider how I feel? I feel hurt too you know!” Luke feigned pain by clutching his chest.

“Fine we get it. We owe you.” Gabriel grunted and a smile formed on Luke’s face.

“Now you understand.” Luke devilishly sneered. “Do you know the shit-storm that would happen if Castiel finds out the truth? I thought you hated it when siblings fought each other Gabriel? Did you ever consider the fury and jealousy that will surge in Castiel’s heart should he find out that Dean’s heart belonged to someone before him?” Luke paced around Gabriel and Sam.

“And Samuel, knowing that Michael will be crushed if he lost Dean again, are you gonna go ahead and spill the beans? Your hands will be covered in blood for the rest of your life. Is that what you want? Are you prepared to bear the guilt of revealing a secret which could have been avoided if you kept your mouth shut?” Luke whispered into Sam’s ears then his stride carried him next to Michael.

Luke’s breath felt like ice on Michael’s skin.

“How about you Michael? Is this what you want? You wish to lose both Castiel and Dean? With Dean being the second time around?” Luke asked the question to Michael’s ear. “I won’t stop you.”

Then Luke turned to everyone in the room. “I won’t stop **any** of you from destroying each other.”

And Luke leaned on the grand piano with a Cheshire smile. “The choice is yours.”

Michael contemplated Luke’s words deeply and though his heart felt as cold as ice, so he opened his mouth and made a choice.

“Dean cannot- Dean cannot find out. He doesn’t remember anything and last night was merely a drunken fueled behavior. Nothing more. I suggest that the two of you-,” Michael directed at Gabriel and Sam. “Make nothing of it. Dean is merely confused, he doesn’t know what he feels. Last night will blow over as if it was nothing, just as long as no one says anything.”

Gabriel and Sam didn’t nod or say anything however their silence was a reluctant agreement.

“Very well. With that settled, you two can help me make lunch today.” Luke threw his arms over Sam and Gabriel’s shoulders.

“That won’t be necessary Luke.”

“Nonsense! You’re always taking care of us Michael. Allow us to take care of you for once.” Luke winked at Michael before leading both Gabriel and Sam out the door. Sam gave Michael one more apologetic look before disappearing into the house. Luke told them to go ahead in the kitchen as he closed the door behind him and approached Michael.

“You did not have to guilt-trip them into keeping the secret.” Michael leered at his brother who shrugged apathetically.

“It’s their fault that they have too much heart. If they were like me, it’d be different.” Luke grinned from ear to ear while Michael returned to his seat before the piano. He began playing in order to ignore his brother.

“I meant what I said about you slipping, Michael.” Luke continued and there was not a hint of humor in his tone. “You know I lied about doing everything for you back then. I had to convince those two to keep their mouths shut somehow.”

Michael kept playing.

“Michael talk to me.”

Michael stopped.

“What do you want to talk about brother?” Michael asked with very little care in his voice.

“I want to know if you’ve changed your mind. About the whole Dean thing.” Luke asked but Michael merely sighed and continued playing his piece. It was a song that his mother taught him when he was very little and pregnant with Castiel.

“You know the answer to that, Luke.” Michael said bitterly and Luke sighed.

“Are you sure? Because from the way I see things, it’s very out of character of you to let yourself be exposed like this. The Michael I knew back then had everything planned out. You were the one who told me what to do and who to contact just so the past few months with Dean seemed like it never happened. You were determined to forget about Dean just as much as Dean forgot you.”

Michael missed a note and stopped playing completely. He suppressed the memories of what he did like holding his stomach from vomiting.

“Your point?” Michael raised an eyebrow but he made no note of it as he kept playing.

“Well it’s just that…you say the word and I could’ve solved all your problems but instead, you pretended as if I wouldn’t remember Dean even though I have a very sharp memory and something as juicy as your first love isn’t something I’d forget. So why complicate things?” Luke asked and Michael shrugged but kept playing.

 “God, you’re so dramatic Michael. Even after all this time, you’re still not over such a petty _subject_. But whatever…” Luke stopped at the door. “You’re a cruel one Michael. You even had the audacity to get Sam and Gabriel involved…” Michael’s eyes narrowed at his brother.

“But it’s like what you said, ‘we’ll see what happens’.” Then Luke gave Michael one more look before he closed the door behind him and left Michael to himself.

As Michael sat there staring at the piano, he wondered about what Luke said.

Then he started playing a new song. The music sucked his attention like a vacuum and nothing was going to stop him from playing until the very end.

“Hey Michael.”

Suddenly Michael turned around to find Dean Winchester standing right behind him.

“What are you doing here?” Michael asked as he stood up in haste.

“The door was ajar and I heard music...” Dean gestured at the door and Michael narrowed his eyes as he knew who the last person to use it was.

“I see.” Michael closed the piano and his fingers were reflected on the surface. Dean remained standing there and staring at him. “What do you want?”

“I just…” Dean blushed and Michael tried not to overthink it. “I just wanted to say…”

He paused again

“I’m sorry for last night. I was a douche for getting in the way with you and that guy. I dunno what came over me and Cas is pissed at me for what I did. Hell, I think I’m pissed at myself more than anyone and I just…” Dean fidgeted nervously and Michael wished he wasn’t. Because it was how the old Dean used to behave when he had done something wrong.

“I know it was out of line and I understand if you hate my guts-,”

“I don’t.” Michael interrupted.

“Wha-,” Dean asked.

“I said I don’t hate you or your guts. I’m not mad at you.” Michael leaned on the piano and crossed his arms. “Last night was not pleasing however I will not hold it against you.”

“Really? Just like that, you forgive me?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Yes.” Michael nodded.

“Wow…I uhh thanks…” Dean scratched his nose.

“You’re welcome.” Michael replied and the atmosphere became tense all off a sudden. There he was again, Michael stared into Dean’s eyes as if he was expecting something. Dean had the expression too only, there was something else.

There was loss.

So Michael used music to drown whatever it was in Dean’s head. Something waited to leave Dean’s mouth and Michael could tell. Michael could always tell.

“Why are you being like this?” Dean asked and Michael’s fingers stopped playing.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked and Dean bit his lower lip.

“This- I mean…” Dean bit his fist in frustration but it almost looked hard enough break skin. “You’re being nice. Too nice.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “I don’t understand.”

“You don’t- well I…” Defeat spread over Dean’s face. “I don’t know either…” Dean seemed agitated and his feet stomped on the floor board.

“D-Winchester, what is this about?” Michael narrowed his eyes and Dean frowned. He wouldn’t call Dean by his name unless he could avoid it. But all the puppy look that Dean used to do suddenly made Michael feel like nothing’s changed.

But that wasn’t true.

“I just- You can’t do this. You can’t- You can’t be nice to me.” Dean shook his head and Michael tilted his head in confusion as what Castiel would do.

“Why not?” Michael asked.

“Because you’re a dick.” Dean pointed out and Michael furrowed his brow in even more confusion. “I mean…”

Dean paused for a sigh and gazed intently into Michael’s eyes.

“You never liked me as Cas’ boyfriend. You were gonna go through all that trouble just to keep me from being with Cas but then suddenly, you’re nice and it’s just…it’s confusing.” Dean muttered and Michael had to stop him there.

“Now you just stop right there Winchester. If you are referring to the time when you hurt Castiel, I must have you know, any brother would be furious after what you did to him. You should be thankful that I did not take it any further.”

“I know! I know you have every right to be pissed. And I don’t blame you however…” Dean scratched his head. “It just doesn’t seem right…” Dean said in almost a whisper.

“What doesn’t?” Michael asked.

“It doesn’t seem right that you just let it slide. I feel like you let me get away it scot-free. You should be an asshole to me. Cas forgave me for what I did but I never said sorry to what I did to you. I even got Luke involved and you were a mess that day…”

Michael did not make a sound.

“You even rushed me to the hospital when something happened and paid for everything. Then last night happened and all I do is screw everything up…” Genuine guilt bridled the corners of Dean’s mouth. “I always screw everything up for you but you never- you never call me out on it. Not since the thing with Cas at least and even then you only gave threats. You never actually did anything to screw me over.”

Michael finally understood. He remembered what Castiel said to him about Dean feeling indebted to him. It seemed that Gabriel, Luke and Sam were wrong.

Dean wasn’t starting to remember nor did he do it out of inebriation. It was a foolish to think that Dean was starting to remember.

What was Michael thinking?

Dean merely felt indebted. Nothing more.

“I see.” Michael looked down at Dean’s feet before trailing his eyes up to meet the other man’s eyes and forming a smile.

“I apologize that you feel that way, I must let you know that you should not feel indebted to me. Everything that I have done was out of respect and because I really care about my brother. Nothing more.”

Luke was right, Michael was _cruel_.

“Huh.” Dean made that sound again. His expression as unabashed as he was in Michael’s kitchen a while ago.

“Yes. That is all.” Michael reassured but who was he fooling? Even he wasn’t sure.

“Okay.” Dean nodded carefully before taking another long pause to look at Michael’s face. The search in his eyes deepened and Michael had to look away.

“I’m gonna go.” Dean said and pointed at the door.

“Please.” Michael gestured his hand. He didn’t look at Dean for longer than half a second. Dean walked to the door and twisted the knob carefully. The door creaked open slowly but Dean didn’t get out, he turned to Michael’s direction again while Michael leaned on the piano.

“I’ll see you later.” Dean bid goodbye then closed the door behind him.

Michael closed his eyes and breathed slowly to retain his composure.

Gradually, he got it back and successfully held his tears. Michael knew for a very long time that fate can be cruel to him however he could not blame anyone but himself.

Fate may have been cruel but not as cruel as Michael to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the next chapter will be up faster than this one.  
> Luke is the devil but can be the lesser evil between him and Michael at times.  
> To those who want to know the gravity of Michael's loss- read the notebook and imagine Michael in Noah's shoes.


	18. Chapter 18- Just Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fate tests Michael in an old fashioned way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited.

**-Michael-**

After that conversation with Dean, Michael got ripped roaring drunk at night by drinking two of his father’s vintage bottle of wines from the cellar downstairs. He got the idea of drinking after cleaning some of his guns and knives. He remembered that Dean wanted to see his collection and cried a little after tucking his box of daggers away. Of course he didn’t drink in the cellars because it was dangerous, so he stayed in his bedroom, played slow jazz music and sobbed until he could taste his own tears.

He had one of the worse hangovers the morning after and suffered Luke’s teasing while Gabriel merely kept to himself. He had not spoken to Michael since yesterday but at least Castiel had not speculated anything. Their youngest brother made Michael some tea instead and did some of Michael’s chores throughout the day until Michael pulled himself together in the afternoon and decided to get back up on his feet.

In fact, he quickly got on his feet when he heard the Impala roared outside. Michael quickly ran upstairs to his bedroom and locked himself in. He forced himself to not look out the window and see the Winchester. He knew the man was bad news for his wellbeing so he paced in circles until he heard the Impala’s door slam shut and drive off into the neighborhood.

Once it was clear, Michael stepped outside to stumble upon Luke standing outside his door.

“I know what you’re doing.” Luke leered at him and Michael ignored his brother before turning to the stairs.

“Michael.” Luke called out and Michael stopped just before he could turn to the corridor.

“What?” Michael hissed harshly.

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” Luke commented and Michael did not understand so he continued on his way downstairs.

At the foot of the stairs, he bumped into Gabriel. His brother wore heavy guilt on his face.

Michael was going to walk past his brother when Gabriel called his name.

“What is it?” Michael wasn’t as harsh as he was to Luke.

“I’m sorry for the other night. It was my fault for taking you out.” Gabriel pointed out and Michael sighed deeply. He turned to his brother and placed a hand on Gabriel’s right shoulder.

“Look, don’t feel guilty about what happened the other night. You didn’t know Dean was going to be there and I need you to know that I appreciate what you did.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

“For trying.” Michael answered. “For trying to help, one way or another. Even if it doesn’t always end up well.”

A flicker of warmth spread throughout Gabriel’s cheeks as a smile formed.

“You’re a good brother.” Michael continued. “I appreciate all that you’ve done for me. And for keeping a secret even though you know it’s wrong.”

Gabriel’s turned glassy for a moment. “It’s not entirely wrong. Just…complicated. It’s complicated.”

Michael smiled at that. “Yeah.” Then he removed his hand from Gabriel’s shoulder. “It’s complicated.”

With that, the tension between Michael and Gabriel subsided. Gabriel helped Michael prepare diner that night and even helped clean up after. Luke didn’t pester Michael that night and actually got along with Gabriel for longer than ten minutes. Perhaps it was because he made their favorite stake. Luke didn’t pick on whatever Gabriel was doing nor did Gabriel answer Luke sarcastically. They even decided to watch something in the living room together.

For once it was peaceful and Michael wished to thank whoever it was that made it possible to spend the evening like this.

When Castiel returned, everyone in the house heard. The Impala roared outside and its doors slammed hard enough to get Michael up on his feet and running to the bathroom and locking himself in. he didn’t really need to go to the bathroom, but he would rather sit on the toilet seat and wait until the doors of the Impala slam shut and roar into the neighborhood. Until Michael was sure that Dean was no longer in the vicinity. He took a deep breath, appreciated at the cleanliness of his bathroom and found a coward looking straight at his face in the mirror. He was the coward. He knew he was.

On his way out of the bathroom, he stumbled upon Castiel.

“Good evening Michael.” Castiel greeted with a faint smile. He must have had a great time. He usually did.

“Good evening Castiel.” Michael greeted back.

“Dean was just here, he drove me home.” Castiel informed.

“I know.” Michael nodded.

“Gabriel and Luke are waiting downstairs for you. They said you’ve been in the bathroom for a while. Is there something wrong?” Castiel asked.

“Nothing…nothing’s wrong. I just really needed to go.” Michael noted and Castiel smiled softly.

“Okay. Thank you by the way.” Michael raised an eyebrow at his brother.

“For what?”

“For forgiving Dean. He told me that he approached you and apologized. And I’m glad. I want the two of you to get along more.”

Michael nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Well I’m going to bed. Good night.”

“Good night.” Michael greeted his brother and they went their separate ways.

Only one of them belonged to Dean’s arms and Michael knew he didn’t. He accepted it a long time ago and he was still accepting it as he descended the stairs. He hid his misery with a sigh and he ignored the sympathetic look on Gabriel’s face. Luke never gave him that face and Michael wondered if it was because it contrasted with Luke’s personality.

Nevertheless, Michael had to get used to this. After all, it was the life he chose himself.

***

 

Trying to avoid Dean was one of the most difficult things that Michael had to do. He underestimated the amount of times that Dean appeared in his household. Aside from visiting Castiel, Dean would sometimes catchup with Gabriel or watch something in the living room with Sam. Thankfully the Dean never lurked somewhere else around the house. At one stage the two couples fornicated in almost every room and on every furniture of the house. Thankfully the phase blew over and Michael could go hide somewhere without the risk of touching something that one of his brothers had sex on.

Sometimes Michael wondered if Dean ever spent time in his own house. Feeling unsafe in his own house was starting to get ridiculous however Michael intended to persevere.

Besides he had times when he could get away from Dean. He would spend hours in the gym until Dean and Sam left the house. Or he went jogging. Sometimes when he went jogging, he listened closely to the neighborhood, just in case the Impala was close by. Even if it wasn’t the Impala, Michael’s had to be careful.

The last thing he wanted was to be in a situation where he would be alone with Dean.

Eventually, Michael started getting used to hiding. The difficulty eventually became a habit and the changes in his daily routine got convenient. Slowly but surely, everything was going back to the way it was. Back to the time where Michael knew his place around Dean.

“You’re not gonna be able hide from him forever.”

Michael was just about to walk outside to buy some groceries when Luke appeared behind him. He wondered about what Luke said for a moment before narrowing his eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Michael grabbed his keys and opened the door. He marched right up to the front lawn while Luke stayed at the door.

“Gabriel and Sam are starting to notice y’know.” Luke said and Michael turned around. His brother smiled mischievously. “They know you’re avoiding him.”

“And so?” Michael challenged Luke.

“I’m just implying that you’re trying too hard. Even Castiel is beginning to notice and do we really want that?” Luke asked and Michael sighed.

“It’ll be fine. I have things under control.”

Luke snorted. “I’m sure you do.” Then he crossed his arms however Michael was not going to have any of his condescension.

“I’m going.” Michael went to his car and drove off. He tried not to let the devilish look on Luke’s face from the rearview mirror bother him.

Driving to town was some of the things that Michael did in order to get away from Dean. Sometimes when Dean arrived at their doorstep, Michael would conveniently leave to the store to get something. Sometimes he barely made eye contact with the other man and he tried not to think about the sorrowful look on the Winchester’s face. It wasn’t supposed to be there.

The look of disappointment.

Anger, yes Michael couldn’t care less if Dean was mad at him, but misery. No, Michael was not going to allow it. Not if he can help it. When Dean was sad, Michael turned into an idiot.

And he could not afford to be an idiot for Dean. Before he could but now…now it’s different. It’s been different for a long time and Michael was used to it.

If only his car agreed with him.

“No.” Michael muttered to himself as he heard the engine sputter and gradually breakdown.

“No no no no no.” Michael chanted as he turned to the side of the road and stopped his car. He took his keys and got out to check on his engine when a huge black smoke blew right on his face. Even though he had glasses, the smoke still got into his eyes, causing them to water.

He coughed as his lungs gasped for air as he took his phone out to call Gabriel but the battery was flat. All this hiding and he forgot to charge his phone. So he looked around for other cars and noticed one approaching fast in the distance.

He couldn’t see very well since his glasses got dirty from the smoke however his ear knew the sound of that loud engine from a mile away.

It was the Impala. And it meant Dean.

“Fuck.” Michael cursed to himself as the Impala slowly stopped right behind his car. Dean looked at him through the windshield and stepped out, slamming the driver’s door shut before walking over to Michael with a tentative stride. He stopped just in front of Michael with a disgruntled look on his face. Dean crossed his arms before greeting Michael with a, “Hey.”

“Hello Dean. What’re you doing here?” Michael greeted back but Dean didn’t seem pleased for some reason.

“I was on my way to work. Bobby’s is just around the corner.” Dean pointed out and Michael faced the other way and realized that this was the road which lead to Bobby’s Salvage Yard. He thought he had passed the place already.

“Having car problems?”

Michael looked at his car and stuttered. “Y-Yes.”

“Have you called someone?” Dean asked and Michael shook his head.

“No, I…my phone is dead.” Michael reached for his phone then glanced back at the other man.

“Who leaves their house with a dead phone?” Dean sarcastically asked before shaking his head. “Y’know what, never mind, here.” Dean reached for his pocket and took his phone out. “Call your guy.”

Michael inspected the phone then Dean’s face. He wondered where the harshness in Dean’s voice came from however this was what he had been trying to avoid for days now. All he needed was one phone call and that was it. Being alone here with Dean was a bad idea and Michael could already feel tension sweeping over them.

“Thank you.” Michael was about to grab the phone when Dean pulled it away.

“Or.” Dean pointed the phone to his face. “How about I have a look at your car?”

Michael’s eyes blew wide open as a pregnant pause hung in the air.

“That won’t be necessary.” Michael shook his head.

“Why not?”

“Because-,”

“Because what?” Dean asked. “I pull cars apart and fix them for a living. I’m sure I can fix this problem more than anyone you know.”

“That may be true however-,”

“Free of charge.” Dean offered and Michael squinted his eyes.

“No, I can’t possibly.”

“Possibly what? I’m offering to have a look at your car for free, why are you-,”

“Dean it’s okay.” Michael spoke over Dean and Dean did the same.

“Why don’t you want me to have a look at it?-,”

“I don’t need-,”

“Why are you being so stubborn?” Dean raised his voice and Michael stopped. “I can’t just leave you here at the side of the road waiting for someone to tow your car when Bobby’s just right over there and I’m here.”

“But Dean-,”

“Look I remember you said that you don’t care about what I think but all my life, if I see someone who needs help, I don’t just turn my back on them. Right now, you’re covered in crap and your car needs fixing and you need help. Let me help you for once. Could you do that?” Dean demanded and Michael bit his lower lip. Michael inhaled deeply and stared from afar, blaming some higher power for putting him in this situation.

“Fine.” Michael bit out then took another second before responding. “Very well.”

Dean nodded and the tension slowly dissipated between them.

“Cool. I’ll go get Bobby and tell him that you’re coming in.” Dean said and Michael agreed. They didn’t say anything else as deep down, Michael knew this was a bad idea.

He should have taken the call.

***

 

In Bobby’s Salvage Yard, Michael faced Bobby Singer with such defeat in his expression that Bobby went along with it. The older man did not say a word nor acted any differently to how he would approach any customer while Dean checked Michael’s car from top to bottom. Michael excused himself and asked to use a phone so Dean lent his.

Michael quickly dialed Gabriel’s number and rang his brother while he watched Dean discuss with Bobby.

**Gabriel: What’s up Dean-o?**

“Gabriel, it’s me Michael.”

**Gabriel: Michael? Why are you using Dean’s phone? Did something happen? Did he remember?**

“Gabriel it’s not what you think-,”

**Gabriel: Does Castiel know?**

“Gabriel, no, stop talking!” Michael raised his voice and both Bobby and Dean glanced at him. So Michael took the phone call outside the garage. “Listen carefully, I was on my way to get groceries when my car broke down near Bobby’s Salvage Yard and Dean was just driving by when he saw me. My phone is dead and so I had to borrow his now could you stop panicking. Everything is fine. Could you please pick me up? ”

There was a long pause on the other side before Gabriel spoke up.

**Gabriel: I’m actually at the movies with Luke right now.**

Michael rolled his eyes in irritation. “You answered your phone in the middle of a movie?”

**Gabriel: I forgot to turn it off! Look I’m sorry about what happened Mikey but I think the universe is trying to tell you something.**

“What are you talking about?”

**Gabriel: I know that you’ve been trying to avoid Dean for a while now and it’s becoming really obvious.**

“And so?”

**Gabriel: So everyone is starting to wonder why you’re avoiding him especially Castiel. I thought it was your plan to keep things under control by not saying anything but you’re doing a really bad job at it by being suspicious.**

Michael wiped his forehead with his fingers. “What choice do I have? If you haven’t noticed already, every time in the same room with the man, something bad happens.” Then Michael had to shut his mouth as he turned around to find Dean standing there with a shocked expression.

**Gabriel: Michael? Mike? Mikey?**

Guilt suddenly spread through Michael’s body as he ignored Gabriel’s calls.

“I have to go.”

**Gabriel: Michael wait! Don’t go-**

Michael ended the call and held the phone with two hands.

“I-I…” Michael clutched on the phone weakly as he stammered. Dean stepped forward and snatched the phone from his grasp.

“Dean I-,” Michael was about to apologize however Dean cut him off.

“Bobby says it’ll take a few hours to fix your car so if you have to be somewhere, you should go.”

There was another wave of tension in the air but this time Dean intensified it by glaring at Michael.

“I didn’t mean what I said…” Michael tried explaining but Dean seemed uninterested.

“Yeah whatever, here’s for the crap on your face.” Dean pulled a towel out of his back pocket and threw it at Michael’s face. It was a clean towel soaked in warm water. “Bobby will call you when it’s done.”

Then he walked away but Michael quickly followed.

“Dean wait!” He called out and grabbed Dean’s arm. “I’m sorry.” Dean stopped resisting his grip for a moment before pulling his arm off.

“Now that’s a load of bull.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is!” Dean exclaimed and Michael huffed to keep himself calm.

“I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Yeah right.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know what I was saying and Gabriel-,”

“No don’t bring Gabe into this!” Dean hushed Michael and stomped his foot. “Could we just cut through the bullshit?” Dean cut him off and Michael’s lips were sealed.

“You don’t like me, you never did and I get it. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been avoiding me lately? I’m not stupid y’know. I may not have universities chasing after me but I can tell if someone doesn’t wanna be around me alright? I get it. Just don’t lie your way out of it.”

“Dean I-,”

“I heard you loud and clear. I’m bad business to you and I get it.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yeah I do-,”

“No you don’t Michael! Stop making excuses for once and take responsibility. Just admit it, you hate me and nothing I do can change that.” Dean pointed accusingly at Michael.

“I just…I don’t know what my place is with you anymore.”

“You save my life and cut me some slack after all the crap I’ve put you and Cas through. But that’s it and nothing more. I’ll fix your car and that’s that.” Dean bit out and Michael suddenly lost it.

“Fine!”

“FINE!” Dean shouted and walked off.

Michael was left standing there to contemplate on his words. Dean’s voice quickly churned in his stomach like crushing guilt when suddenly Bobby Singer appeared beside him.

“You two kids done fighting?” Bobby asked and Michael faced the man with absolute defeat.

“Bobby I…I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder and led him inside.

“I’ll make you some coffee and we can talk about it.”

“That won’t be necessary. Gabriel will be here soon.”

“Not before you finish a cup.” Bobby insisted.

“Bobby we can’t…” Michael cautioned the older man.

“No don’t give me that. That boy’s gonna be working on your car for a while and he doesn’t like getting disturbed especially when he’s in that state. As far as he knows, you’re just a customer in my store and there’s nothing wrong with me sharing a cup of coffee with a customer.” Bobby stressed the last word.

Eventually Michael complied. Bobby led him to the kitchen, passed the mountains of paperwork and books in the study. Nothing much has changed and it seemed only yesterday that Michael roamed the halls of Bobby’s home.

He took a seat on the dining table. The same spot where he used to sit many years ago.

Michael snorted. “Since when did you take kindly to your customers?”

“Now don’t push it son. I might add some cyanide in your coffee.”

Michael chuckled but he had not forgotten to check the hall in case Dean showed up.

“Bobby I don’t think I should be in here. Dean might hear us.”

Just as soon as Michael noted, loud classic rock music roared from the garage.

“You were saying?” Bobby asked and continued to prepare their coffee.

Michael sighed he knew Dean played loud classic rock whenever he was mad. This wasn’t Michael heard it.

Bobby then handed Michael a cup. “Black and one sugar.”

“You remember.” Michael acknowledged and Bobby hummed as he sipped his cup.

“Boy, I remember many things for my age.” Bobby gave Michael a knowing look before taking a seat next to Michael.

“I am aware.” Michael glanced at his cup and held it with two hands.

“So what’s going on son?” Bobby asked and Michael had not heard the older man call him that in a very long time.

“Nothing…Nothing’s going on Bobby.”

“That’s not what I saw in there just then.”

Michael sighed. “I don’t know what to do anymore Bobby. I try to be nice and it messes him up. I try to avoid him and it messes me up. It’s just- too complicated. It’s always been and I know it’s my fault.”

“Now don’t go blaming yourself for what happened kid. I won’t have that kind of talk under my roof.”

“But it’s true. Bobby I- I should’ve been more careful. I should’ve kept track on what was happening in his life after he left but instead…” Michael shook his head and clutched his cup tightly.

“There was no telling that he was going to move in here and move back into your life.” Bobby sighed guiltily. “You knew you had to get away from him. It wasn’t right what happened to the two of you. It wasn’t fair and you took most of the damage.”

“Bobby he was the one who got hurt in an accident.”

“Now don’t give me that. You took the rest of hurting after. After he couldn’t remember.” Bobby cut him off and Michael covered his lips with a hand.

“There’s no use dwelling in dead arguments.” Michael turned away from Bobby. He took a sip of the coffee and enjoyed the bitterness.

“Sam and Gabriel found out.”

“Sam and Gabriel found out? How the hell did you manage that?”

Michael took another sip. “They spied on me. Blackmailed Tessa into telling the truth. No matter, they won’t say anything. Luke made sure of it.”

“Uh-huh…you’re slipping.” Bobby pointed out.

“That’s what Luke said.” Michael agreed.

“Are you sure he doesn’t remember?” Bobby asked as Michael sipped his coffee.

“Yes.”

“Bullshit.”

“Bobby-,”

“Listen to me. I haven’t seen you and Dean fight like that since before the amnesia.”

Michael snorted. “I’m sure he fights like that with anybody.”

“No he don’t. He would’ve thrown his fist at your face by now.”

“Please!” Michael made a ‘pfft’ sound.

“Oh you’re not seeing the whole picture son.” Bobby waved a finger in the air. “You shout at each other, give each other a minute to cool down before you start another round of screamin or you make up.”

Michael snapped the older man a look.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten what you two got up two in here while I was handling customers in the garage.”

Michael couldn’t correct him. “I’m still sorry about that.”

“No you’re not.” Bobby said before taking another sip of coffee.

“Hm.” Michael hummed to himself before he heard the classic rock music stop. Both Bobby and Michael look outside to find Dean talking to Gabriel.

“I have to go.” Michael muttered and Bobby nodded.

“I’ll talk to Dean and help you get back in his good side.” Bobby admitted.

“Bobby don’t-,”

“You can’t keep punishing yourself forever son. I know you care for Castiel very much but that doesn’t mean you have to continue hurting for him.” Bobby looked at Michael straight in the eye. “If you really wanna move on, you’ll have to be civil at least. That way, you can give him and yourself some peace of mind. Lord knows you both need it.”

Michael didn’t respond to what Bobby just said and instead, he bid him good-bye.

He said thanks for the coffee and met Gabriel who was just talking to Dean. As soon as the Winchester saw Michael approaching, he walked back into the garage without another word. Gabriel lectured Michael while they walked to Gabriel’s car but Michael wasn’t really paying attention.

His eyes were fixated on the boy-legged man walking back into the garage.

***

 

When Gabriel drove Castiel got home, Michael was surprised. Dean would always drive Castiel home and more guilt churned in Michael’s stomach when he heard Castiel say that Dean stayed in the garage fixing his car. Even though nobody blamed him, Michael blamed himself. Dean would never miss an opportunity to drive Castiel home so why now?

To know the answer, Michael took a cab to the Salvage Yard. He made it there just in time for Bobby to call him about his car.

“Where’s Dean?’ Michael asked the older man and Bobby pointed at the garage.

He could’ve sworn he heard Bobby grumble ‘idjit’ under his breathe however he was more focused on something else. When he got to the garage, he found his car in perfect condition. The smell of smoke was gone and instead it was replaced by the smell of oil and grease. It smelt like-

“You’re back.”

Dean met Michael’s eyes and Michael saw awe in them. Suddenly that awe disappeared and Dean looked away disgruntled.

“Your car’s fixed. It was your radiator and the oil needed changing…” Dean pointed out and walked around Michael’s vehicle in inspection. Michael on the other hand could not keep his eyes off the other man.

But then Dean grabbed his attention which made Michael look away. 

“I see.”

“You should get your car looked into more often. At least more than twice unless you wanna get in trouble. What if the breaks don’t work? You gotta think about these things.” Dean lectured harshly and Michael merely nodded.

“Yes. I will. Thank you.” Michael sincerely said and Dean’s stern expression softened for a flash before it was back.

“Well try it out. See if it works.” Dean bitterly said and Michael hopped inside the driver’s seat while Dean got on the passenger’s seat. Michael turned the engine on and the car purred smoothly.

He didn’t miss the chance to see Dean’s brighten up a little when the engine turned on. Dean always had that look whenever he fixed something.

Michael was about to leave it at that but perhaps something good can come out of what Bobby said.

“She sounds perfect.” Michael commented then he turned to Dean. “You did a very good job.”

Dean’s expression softened entirely before it turned red. “Yeah well it wasn’t exactly an easy job to pull. I had to clean a lotta things before I can get this thing to work.” Dean grunted out but Michael knew the Winchester was forcing himself to be harsh.

“Will you just take a compliment without being sarcastic?” Michael firmly stated and Dean did not say a word.

He merely glared at Michael before sighing deeply.

“I’m sorry.” Dean muttered and Michael was shocked.

“For what?”

“If I was being a pain in the ass to you.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything-,”

“I do! Dammit Michael I do!” Dean cut him off. “There’s some truth to what you think about me. I can be a real jerk sometimes so I don’t blame you if you can’t stand being in the same room as me-,”

“STOP.” Michael raised his voice and Dean quieted. The Winchester looked down on his lap while Michael stared outside the car and bit his lip.

“You are not- I don’t hate you.” Michael admitted. “We might have gotten off in the wrong start but I must have you know that I do not hate you. You care about my brother and you own up to your mistakes. It’s brave of you and I respect that.”

Judging from the look on Dean’s face, the Winchester was caught by surprise.

“Unlike you, I’m a coward. I never truly apologized for threatening you. So I’m sorry. I really am.”

Dean shook his head disapprovingly. “No you don’t have to apologize. I was being a jerk to Cas and to you. I deserved it.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yeah I do.”

“No. You. Don’t.” Michael determinedly stated.

“Okay.” Dean slumped his back on the seat and they both sighed. “Okay fine. You’re an arrogant son of a bitch and I’m a pain in the ass jerk. And you can’t tell me otherwise.” Dean continued and Michael looked at him dead in the eye then said, “You are so stubborn.”

“Not as stubborn as you.” Dean snapped back.

All of a sudden they broke into a fit of laughter.

Michael didn’t know why he was laughing nor why Dean joined him however it somehow alleviated the tension in the car.

When the laughter receded, Michael shook his head and smiled in the distance. He had not laughed like this in a very long time.

“I don’t know what it is about you but when I’m with you, I feel like fighting you.” Dean uttered as he caught his breath.

Michael gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white. There was something building in the back of his throat and waiting to be said. But he knew he was going to regret it.

“You’re not such a delight yourself.” Michael teased and he was going regret this later.

“Whatever, I’m adorable.” Dean winked at him and Michael was about to agree through his words. Instead, he responded with silence.

“I guess we can call this truce?” Dean asked and Michael turned to the man who had an elbow resting on the window.

“Very well. Truce.” Michael nodded and Dean held a hand out.

“Then shake on it.” Dean gestured and Michael looked at the other man’s hand for a moment before taking it.

“Okay.” Michael firmly shook Dean’s hand. He knew he should let go but Michael’s hand wouldn’t let go. Not until Dean let go first.

“We can be friends then.” Dean added and Michael nodded. “Yes, we can be friends.”

“But don’t think I’ll have to put up with your shit. I’ll call you out as soon as you start talking like there’s a stick up your ass.”

Michael chuckled.

“Very well. I’ll call you out when you’re being a pain in my backside.”

“Is that what you call it at your age? ‘Backside’?” Dean raised an eyebrow and Michael scoffed at the insult.

“And you re allergic to euphemisms?” Michael asked then Dean cackled.

“Just not my thing.”

“I know.” Michael agreed with a smile. For only a moment, Michael thought he caught a glimpse of the old Dean. But he remembered that that Dean was gone. So he looked away and cleared his throat.

“I have to go.” He said and Dean agreed.

“Kay. I’ll see you later then.” Dean hopped off the passenger seat and closed the door.

Michael turned the engine on and wore a seat belt before waving Dean good bye. Dean waved him goodbye through the rearview mirror and it almost felt surreal how everything resulted to this. How Michael felt as if he was waving the old Dean good-bye and not the new one.

However something good occurred from this. At least now he could finally move on with Dean-

-as friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those who have been asking where I am taking the direction of the story, unfortunately I cannot spoil the finale. 
> 
> If you wish for an answer and you're for Castiel/Dean ending. You can stop in this chapter. 
> 
> For those who wish to see a possibility of seeing the ending- carry on and wait for the next chapter.


	19. Chapter 19- Building Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael gets a chance to say good-bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter so enjoy :)

**-Michael-**

Nothing much had changed since Michael agreed to be friends with Dean. Dean still visited Castiel from time to time, he still drove his boyfriend home and they still went on dates. On the other hand Michael….

Michael still watched from afar as he saw Dean and his brother’s relationship grow wonderfully but also into something he had not quite seen before.

Even though the two men fought at times and disagreed on many things, they always looked at each other with so much tenderness.

Michael would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous. However, he had to remind himself that nothing was worth more than watching his brother and his friend fall in love.

When the two needed privacy, he left the room, when Dean asks Castiel to go out at night, Michael didn’t ask for much aside from getting Castiel home safely. The Winchester complied with very little defiance and in fact, Dean didn’t seem so tense around him anymore.

Michael and Dean were beginning to agree on things that they didn’t used to agree on. Such as the way Castiel panics to pick a shirt for a date or a movie reference that he wasn’t familiar with. Michael must admit that his brother can be quite gullible when it came to cultural references. But without a doubt, Dean loved Castiel very much and that was all that Michael needed to see.

Dean looked at Castiel with so much affection especially when Michael’s brother wasn’t looking. And at times, Michael knew Dean couldn’t help himself.

Just like now while Castiel descended the stairs.

Castiel was wearing a trench coat and a buttoned up shirt underneath. He also wore a gray vest with a red tie which looked great on him as evident through Dean’s pink cheeks.

“How do I look?” Castiel asked both Michael and Dean who were waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him.

“Jesus Cas. you look…you look amazing.” Dean grinned pleasantly from ear to ear.

“You don’t think it’s too much?” Castiel asked and Michael chuckled to himself.

“Well the two of you are going out for a very important date tonight. I think you are very well-dressed for the occasion…in a good way.” Michael commented and Castiel turned to Dean.

“Is it true Dean?” Castiel asked his boyfriend.

“You look like a penguin just like my dad’s dad if you ask me.” Dean cheekily smirked.

“Dean…” Castiel pouted in worry.

“Nah I’m just kidding babe. C’m here.” Dean pulled Castiel in for a quick kiss. “I’m wearing a penguin suit myself so don’t you worry baby. Besides, the only one old enough to look like my grandad is Michael.” Dean glanced at Michael with a mischievous look.

“Oh really now?” Michael raised an eyebrow. “Castiel, I think you should ask the restaurant to get Dean an infant’s chair? Extra-large perhaps?”

“Are you calling me fat?” Dean asked.

“I think you should lay off on the pies. I almost mistook you for Gabriel the other day.”

“You stop right there four eyes.” Dean pointed at Michael’s spectacles which urged a disgruntled reaction from Castiel. “I didn’t think you mind since you wouldn’t stop making them every time I come over. Isn’t that what old people do when family comes over? They stuff you with food?”

“Correction Winchester, they usually do them to their children and grandchildren. Especially the little ones.” Michael stepped closer to Dean and straightened his back, emphasizing their height difference.

“I’ll have you know that I’m anything but little down there.” Dean wriggled his eyebrows before throwing his left arm over Castiel’s shoulder.  “Cas would know. Ain’t that right babe?”

“Dean that’s inappropriate!” Castiel went red and Michael chuckled.

“Do not worry Castiel, I do not judge. I know what happens when I am not looking. I just wish that you remember that I have ears.” Michael snapped Dean a knowing look which sent the man beet red.

“Y-Yeah well at least I’m getting some!” Dean blurted out and Michael was rendered speechless.

“Dean, that’s enough!” Castiel yelled out and Dean bit his lip in embarrassment. “That was out of line. I think you should apologize to Michael.” Castiel demanded from Dean who shrunk in his jacket.

“Castiel it’s alright-,”

“No it’s not Michael. Dean needs to own up to his mistakes.” Castiel unwittingly snapped at Michael. “Dean?” Castiel waited and Dean sighed in defeat.

“I’m sorry Michael.”

“For what?” Castiel asked and Dean seemed pained.

“For being a jerk.” Dean sarcastically said then Castiel darted him a glare. “I’m sorry for being jerk.” Dean pointed out then Castiel turned to Michael.

“It’s okay Dean. I provoked you, I should also apologize.” Michael replied.

“Nah, you were only joking and I took it too far.” Dean said and Castiel’s stern expression softened.

“It wouldn’t be you if didn’t.” Michael added and Dean almost seemed surprised by what he said. Even though Michael knew it was wrong to be staring right into Dean’s eyes in such a familiar way, he couldn’t look away.

There was a heavy feeling in the air until Castiel grabbed Dean’s attention.

“Dean, we have to go.” Dean turned to his boyfriend and snapped out of whatever it was that occupied his thoughts.

“Yeah you’re right, let’s go.”

Then Castiel turned to Michael. “We’re gonna go. I have my keys so don’t wait up.” Castiel jumped gleefully then kissed Michael on the cheek good-bye. Anna taught him that gesture.

“I’ll see ya later Michael.” Dean bid him good bye as Michael watched the happy couple exit his home.

Once the door was shut, Michael took a deep breath to regain his thoughts.

“That could’ve been you.”

Michael heard a voice from the living room when suddenly, Luke emerged from the darkness.

“How long have you been there?” Michael asked.

“Long enough.” Luke leaned on the frame with his arms crossed. “I noticed that you and Dean are getting along.”

“And so?” Michael raised an eyebrow. “I thought that was what you wanted?”

“I said no such thing. I said you were avoiding him and it was getting really obvious. However, why don’t we focus on a more interesting subject?” Luke crept closer. “You’re jealous aren’t you?”

Michael narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth.

“What are you trying on me Luke?” Michael asked in speculation.

“Nothing. I’m being plain and simple. You’re jealous of Castiel aren’t you?” Luke raised an eyebrow and Michael’s nerves twitched.

“I’m happy for my brother.” Michael replied.

“But you can’t deny that you’re not jealous as well.” Luke informed and Michael frowned. “There was a time when you were in Castiel shoes, brother.”

“What do you **want** from me Luke?” Michael’s patience was running out.

“What do _you_ want Michael?” Luke asked and Michael simply groaned and left his brother there.

Try as he might, Michael knew Luke was right. There was a time when Michael was in Castiel’s very shoes.

***

 

**-Three Years Ago-**

Michael was rushing as he was going to be late for his date with Dean. Since he had been spending more time with the Winchester, he neglected some of his household duties and left his siblings to take care of themselves. Anna and Castiel did most of them of course since Luke and Gabriel were afflicted with eternal sloth. And Michael felt guilty.

So he spent the rest of the day catching up on things to do and told Anna and Castiel to do whatever they want. Anna went out shopping however Castiel stayed at home and helped Michael.

By sun down, Michael finished however he lost track of time and quickly rushed to his bedroom to get ready for his date. He even forgot to message Dean throughout the day and now the Winchester was going to be mad at him. Dean would always sulk whenever Michael didn’t reply.

Therefore, Michael quickly showered and fixed his hair. He used contacts because he wanted to look good for Dean. More than usual since he didn’t contact the man all day.

He searched his closet for some his best outfits. In the end, he settled for one of his most expensive tuxedos. A kind gesture for being an _insensitive jerk_ to Dean.

Dean tended to call him that.

As he descended the stairs, he didn’t realized that someone was watching.

“Michael?” It was Castiel. “Where are you going?”

“I uhh…” Michael stopped in his tracks as he realized that he hadn’t told any of his siblings about his relationship with Dean. “I was just-,”

“Yes indeed Michael. You’re looking really suave with that outfit so where on earth could you be possibly going?” Luke emerged behind Castiel and wrapped an arm over Castiel’s shoulder and rested his chin on the other side of Castiel’s shoulders.

“I was just going out to…” Michael needed to think of an excuse and fast. His phone vibrated in his pocket and knew Dean was growing impatient. “To meet a new client.”

Luke was taken slightly aback by the answer while Castiel tilted his head to the side.

“You’re going out for work? But it’s late?” Castiel asked and Luke snickered devilishly.

“Yes Castiel’s right Michael, it’s quite unprofessional to meet your clients in this hour. Are you sure it’s strictly business?” Luke raised an eyebrow and Michael narrowed his eyes at the devil.

“Yes. It is strictly business.” Michael firmly stated and Luke held himself back from laughing. To alleviate the tension in the air, Michael walked toward Castiel and raised his brother’s chin.

“I’ll be back later so don’t wait up. Tomorrow we’ll spend the day together okay?” Michael said and stared directly into Castiel’s eyes. The tender blues worried for him which made Michael’s heart melt.

“Okay.” Castiel nodded and Michael smiled.

“I’m gonna go now.” Michael leaned down to kiss his baby brother on the cheek. Castiel returned the gesture and stood next to Luke while Michael closed the door behind him.

Michael tried to ignore Castiel’s eyes on his back earlier as he walked to the street and dialed a taxi. It didn’t seem right that Michael lied to his brothers however there will be a time when all will be revealed. When that day comes, perhaps Michael could finally be free.

***

 

**-Michael-**

It started with a smile.

Even though Michael watched Castiel and Dean fall in love from afar, he never forgot to smile. He smiled even though it crushed him every time Dean kissed Castiel on the lips or held him close wherever they went. And it hurt when he saw the couple look at each other like they were the only ones that mattered in the world.

Besides Michael was used to it by now. Only recently did his feelings resurfaced, after Gabriel and Sam found out however slowly but surely, he was getting back on track with managing his feelings for Dean. He buried and locked those feelings away. He threw the key into the horizon, in some place at the bottom of the ocean where there was no hope in finding it. Sometimes he imagined the key being thrown so hard that it flew all the way up to the stars. Joining them to twinkle in the night.

This was the fate that Michael accepted and it would have been fine if it weren’t for Dean smiling back at him from afar.

The smile reminded him so much of the old Dean and he shouldn’t be dwelling on these thoughts. And to dampen the sting of regret, Michael resulted in drinking out of the house. Drinking in his room was getting tedious and the sense of isolation didn’t help. Besides, Dean was coming over to visit Castiel and Michael knew how such visits end up.

At least if he was at a bar, he didn’t have to hear his sibling have sex with Dean. Plus he wouldn’t be alone in his misery yet he could keep to his thoughts. He was aware that other people were staring and there were some already approached him however he excused himself or asked to be left alone. He appreciated the attention but he didn’t necessarily wished to reciprocate.

It was sad and he was sad.

He knew he was in a sorry state but for just one night, he wanted to feel anything but how he felt every day when he saw Castiel with Dean.

He didn’t want to feel jealous for being alone.

At least in a bar, he wasn’t alone and the jealousy can be drowned away by menial flirting and playful glances. If only for one night.

“Hey Michael.”

Michael was just about to finish his scotch by the counter when a familiar voice called for him.

Speak of the devil, it was Dean Winchester in the flesh.

“What’re you doing here?” Michael asked half dizzy from drinking six glasses of scotch.

“Benny told me to stay away from his bar for a while until I get my temper under control…plus I saw you from outside the window.” Dean pointed at the dark city streets.

“Huh. Good eye.” Michael nodded then gave the bartender a look to refill his glass. “I thought you were at home with Castiel?” Michael asked and Dean scratched the back of his head.

“Cas started a study session with Sam and they already yelled at Gabe for being a pest so thought I’d leave them be.” Dean muttered and pulled himself a stool next to Michael.

“What’re you doing all the way out here?” Dean asked just as Michael was handed a glass of scotch by the bartender. The bartender asked Dean what he wanted and Dean asked for a beer.

“What do you think?” Michael lifted the glass to his lips and took a sip.

“Thought you liked drinking at home.” Dean said.

“Nothing wrong with a bit of change.” Michael muttered and took another sip.

“Alright alright.” Dean raised his arms up in compliance. The bartender arrived with Dean’s drink and Dean handed a note.

“So what’s the occasion?” Dean asked and Michael raised an eyebrow.

“There’s no occasion. Just thought it’d be nice to get out of the house every once in a while.”

“True that.” Dean agreed and joined their glass together for a toast.

“So what’ve you been up to?” Dean asked and Michael sipped his drink then raised his brow in speculation. “Why do you want to know?”

“Just making casual small talk.”

Michael inspected the other man’s face for some sort of ulterior motive. He could not find any.

“None. I haven’t been doing much in my spare time. Just the usual.” Michael noted as he watched the ice in his glass glisten under the light.

“Huh. What do you actually do in your spare time?” Dean asked and Michael gazed at his drink. “And don’t just say you drink.” Dean accusingly pointed at Michael’s glass.

“What makes you think I do anything else?” Michael teased with a chuckle.

“Didn’t take you for an alcoholic.”

“It’s comes with my age as you tend to point out.” Michael chuckled before he took another gulp.

“Ha that’s true. But I don’t even know you’re real age.” Dean admitted and Michael sniggered.

“Guess.”

Dean paused to think about it.

“30.” Dean blankly said and Michael’s eyes went wide open.

“Do I look like I’m thirty?” Michael asked and Dean cackled.

“I’m just kidding but you talk like you’re sixty sometimes.” Dean pulled a serious face and stared at the bar. “My name is Michael and you shall not pass!”

Michael giggled at the Lord of the Rings reference.

“I am not as old as Gandalf.”

“Yeah well you sounded like him when we first met.”

“Oh did I?”

“Yes you were! You were so uptight, I sometimes wonder if Gabriel and Luke were adopted.”

“I wonder about that too.” Then Dean laughed louder as if he didn’t care about anyone else in the bar.

“But seriously, you were such a dick back then, I thought you’d set me on fire if you found out that I was sleeping with Cas.”

Michael forced a chuckle.

“Well it’s not too late. With that confession, I should set you ablaze.” Michael responded and he soon regretted the words.

“Bit too late buddy. The only one who can set me ablaze is in your house right now and being a massive nerd with Sammy.” Dean nudged Michael’s bicep and Michael nodded with a smile. He forced himself to smile.

The bartender caught his sight and he asked for another drink.

“I’m sorry ‘bout that.” Dean muttered and Michael turned to the man next to him.

“What for?”

“For me talking about Cas like that around you. I forget to filter what goes out of my mouth sometimes and it’s even worse that you’re Cas’ oldest brother.”

Michael could practically feel the guilt radiating from Dean.

“I’m twenty five years old.” Michael responded and Dean raised an eyebrow. “I’m not that old, well close to thirty but not that far from you and Gabriel.”

“Huh.” Dean nodded.

“So don’t have to worry about protecting my ears. Growing up, I get enough profanity from Gabriel and Luke, you should know that by now.” Michael said and it brought a smile on Dean’s face. It also alleviated the mood a little.

“And besides, I’ve had my fair share of escapades.” Michael instantly regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

“You do?” Dean raised an eyebrow in genuine curiosity.

“Forget what I said.” Michael quickly said.

“No, I heard you. Loud and clear. _Escapades_.” Dean grinned mischievously. “What escapades have you been up to Michael?”

Michael trembled on the spot as Dean looked closely at his face. He was so close that Michael started to get cold sweat.

“It’s nothing.”

“No it’s not nothing.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it’s not!”

“Yes-,”

“C’mon Michael! Don’t be like that! This is what friends do, don’t they? They get to know each other and learn.” Dean pouted and Michael shouldn’t have said anything.

“Let’s just say that if I could turn back time, I’d do things differently.” Michael said with conviction and Dean sunk in his seat.

In the corner of Michael’s eye, he could see the frown on Dean’s face and he tried to not let it get to him.

“My parents used to move around a lot…when Sammy and I were growing up. They never stayed in one place because mom’s side of the family wouldn’t leave mom alone. They didn’t approve of dad. Said he wasn’t suitable for her. Said they wanted mom to marry to this other guy who came from old southern money. Of course mom said no and ended things with her family. Since dad’s parents were gone, they didn’t have anywhere to turn to.”

Dean took a gulp of his beer. “So we moved from one state to another. It wasn’t easy making friends when you know it’ll end someday. It was even harder when you stop reaching out to people. Heh, you’ve probably noticed that I don’t have many friends at my age.”

Michael didn’t say anything and he simply watched Dean spin his glass slowly. “Even though my parents were sorry for raising us that way, we never blamed them. Sammy never neglected his studies and I never- I made sure I had enough attendance to graduate.”

Dean finished his beer and left it on the counter for the bartender to collect.

“Once high school was over, mom and dad let me visit Uncle Bobby here while they lived in another state.” Dean said and Michael felt chills in his spine from anticipation.

“I told them that I wanted to work at the garage for a while, get some proper experience in dealing with cars. And dad even gave me the Impala for my eighteenth birthday.” Dean looked outside for a moment.

“I finally got a chance to do something that I wanna do, instead of letting myself get pulled by the tide.” Dean admitted and Michael listened carefully.

“Promise that you won’t tell anyone what I’m about to say next?” Dean asked and Michael furrowed his brow.

“What is it?” Michael asked and Dean shook his head.

“First, you have to promise that you won’t tell a soul, you got that?” Dean asked and Michael nodded.

“Pinky swear?” Dean held out his pinky.

“What are you five?” Michael sarcastically asked.

“Just pinky swear on it!”

Michael chuckled softly. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable, Dean.” Then Michael hooked his pinky with Dean’s.

“Now that you promised, you can’t tell anyone, if you do I get to slap you across the face really hard.” Dean noted and Michael snorted.

“Very well.” Michael agreed then Dean continued.

“While I was working with Bobby, I got carried away. I went driving and got into an accident.”

Michael gradually grimaced at Dean’s words.

Dean didn’t notice and continued with his secret. “Apparently I was drinking before I went for a drive but I don’t remember…I hit my head and I was in the hospital for a very long time- like a couple of months maybe. I can’t remember much…”

Michael felt his heart drop and beat slowly.

“Luckily I didn’t hurt anyone but myself. However Bobby was pissed since he had to pay for everything, the damages, the hospital bills, the police…everything.”

Dean seemed unsure but he kept going.

“We promised not to tell my parents about what happened because I didn’t wanna disappoint them, especially dad. Last thing I wanted them to think was that they raised me the wrong way and that mom’s side of the family was right.” Dean guiltily confessed.

“Til this day, I can’t help but feel guilty for what I did. I was an idiot- I mean, I never expected myself to drink and drive…I would never….” Dean scratched his head. “I still messed up and wasted months lying in bed with no memory of what happened. So I’ll have you know that you’re not the only person who wished they could have done things differently.  Lots of us go through the same thing.”

Michael was speechless. He didn’t know what to say since after all this time, he finally heard Dean’s side of the story. Of what he thought about the incident many years ago.

Of course he couldn’t remember a thing. Nor did he remember Michael or their time together. What was Michael expecting?

“Don’t be guilty.” Michael muttered.

“What?” Dean asked.

“I said, don’t feel guilty for what happened to you…all those years ago.” Michael assured and Dean seemed more confused than before.

“I dunno about you but someone else could’ve been seriously hurt by my actions. They could’ve died-,”

“No one did but it’s still not your fault.” Michael harshly hissed.

“Then who’s to blame for what happened? I was the one behind the wheel and I was being irresponsible!”

“No it’s not just that there’s more-,” Michael raised his voice and he could feel eyes on him at throughout the bar.

“What? What else is there?” Dean asked and Michael sighed before composing himself.

“Nothing…I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.”

“No you were gonna say something Michael, what is it?” Dean leaned closer, threw an arm over Michael’s shoulder until their faces were almost touching. “Talk to me. I just told you my secret, I trust you. Don’t you trust me?” Dean pleaded with his eyes and Michael’s chest ached at the sight.

Michael turned to Dean and their noses were almost touching. “I think you should stop blaming yourself for your past actions. You were young and irresponsible but that doesn’t mean that you should let it hold you back. You need to move on. You need to know that despite the bad things, there is some good that came out of it.”

 “What good?” Dean asked as his eyes trailed down to Michael’s lips.

Michael felt dizzy and he wasn’t sure if it was from either the alcohol or the emotions swirling in his chest, or both. His lips quivered for Dean’s however he turned away.

“Nothing…” Michael muttered while Dean sighed and removed his arm.

“I’m drunk.” Michael admitted to himself before he locked eyes with Dean and they fell into a laughing fit.

“Yeah. You are drunk…smell like one too.” Dean smiled while shaking his head.

“I should get going.” Michael said and Dean hummed in agreement.

“I’ll drive you.”

Michael raised an eyebrow.

“What? I’ve had one beer-,” then Dean realized something. “Don’t you look at me like that!”

“I wasn’t-,”Michael threw his hands up in surrender.

“That was one time and I’ve never driven drunk since!” Dean pointed a finger at Michael. “I never should’ve told you anything.”

“Dean I wasn’t-,” Michael stammered. “I wasn’t giving you that look because of what you shared earlier. It was…”

“What?” Dean asked.

“Nothing. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. The alcohol reached my head.” Michael swirled a finger near his temple.

Dean snorted. “Getting light-weight because of your age?”

“You shut your pie-hole Winchester.” Michael ordered.

“Or what?”

“Or I’d ki-,” Michael almost said ‘kiss you’ out of habit. “Or I’d kick your ass.”

“Then you can walk home buddy.” Dean chuckled as Michael followed him out of the restaurant.

“At least I’m not the one getting rushed to the emergency room.” Michael retracted and Dean narrowed his eyes.

“You really wanna go?” Dean asked and Michael rolled his eyes.

“If I can manhandle both Luke and Gabriel at the same, you’d be a walk in the park Dean.”

“By all means, take a hike Novak.”

Michael and Dean laughed some more until they reached the Impala which was parked not far from Benny’s. Once they were inside, Dean started the engine and gave Michael a smile.

“It was fun bumping into you.” Dean said and Michael chuckled to himself.

“Anytime.” Michael accidentally blurted out and he was seriously thinking about taping his mouth shut forever.

When Michael looked at Dean, he was expecting some weird reaction. Instead Dean merely, smiled and turned the radio on. When Dean got sick of new music, he played classic rock and started singing to it. Michael knew all the lyrics. He used to listen to them all the time when he and Dean would drive somewhere long ago.

But that was then and now, Michael finally said it.

Just earlier, he finally got the chance to tell Dean to move on. Not just to the current Dean but to the old one as well.

That Dean may be dead but he was still alive and breathing in Michael’s heart. And Michael will always remember him through Dean’s smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I underestimated how well Michael and Dean got along. I was so scared in writing their dynamics until I told myself to fuck it and start writing what i feel like what Michael would say or how Dean would react. 
> 
> I must admit, they have more chemistry than Dean and Castiel's relationship in my other fics and I shouldn't be saying that since Destiel is my OTP.   
> Michael and Dean in here are so different in characteristics yet I love their exchanges.


	20. Chapter 20- Self-Efficacy Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael recounts a memory for Sam and Gabriel to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited because I'm trying to pump these chapters out as fast as possible.  
> I've decided on the finale however it's difficult to reach because every time I plan the final chapters, something amazing comes up and sidetracks or stretches the plot. 
> 
> Some of you might've noticed this already and I'm sorry. 
> 
> For now, do enjoy.

**-Michael-**

In the afternoon after Michael finished all the chores in the house and his morning workout, he received another message from Dean. The older Winchester was going to take Castiel out for a picnic on clearing which Michael suggested the night before during dinner. Dean went over to visit Castiel as usual and had dinner at Michael’s table. He sat where Anna used to sit while Castiel sat on mother’s chair which was closest to father’s seat, next to Michael. Sam wasn’t there that night although he would sit on Luke’s chair next to Gabriel’s if he were. Since Luke was staying over for a while, he and Gabriel fought like cats and dogs in the table which Michael easily quelled.

Dean and Castiel were eating in peace, sometimes Castiel nudged Dean’s shoulder and gently looked at the Winchester while he wasn’t looking. Michael noticed it all. He always did.

Even though it was a difficult subject to delve into, Michael mustered the courage to ask the couple on their plans the coming weekend. Castiel admitted that they did not have any major plans while Dean remained impartial to the conversation. Instead, Michael suggested that Dean took Castiel to this clearing deep in the woods where they could have all the space they want and remain undisturbed.

Castiel thought it was a brilliant idea and asked Dean if they could go there. Dean had no qualms with it and Michael wished he had not opened his mouth.

The sting of jealousy that followed soon after Castiel kissed Dean on lips at the dinner table hurt more than usual. After all, he just suggested that Castiel and Dean go to his secret location where he used to go with Dean many years ago. It was the night where he saw the stars on the Impala. They twinkled all over the dark surface and scattered like the freckles on Dean’s face.

Again, Michael instantly regretted the suggestion but he did not regret helping Castiel and Dean find a quiet place for themselves other than the house. Gabriel and Luke noticed him somberly looking at Dean and he told them to stop once Castiel and Dean were longer in the room.

So in the end, Michael could only smile at his phone as Dean messaged him saying thanks for suggesting the clearing with a smiley face. It was nice to see that Michael could be friends with the Winchester instead of bickering about every little thing.

Back then, Michael would bite Dean Winchester’s head off for even just the most trivial of things and Dean would do the same. Dean challenged Michael’s authority in every way possible, whether it was keeping Castiel up late until god knows what time to making plans out of the blue. But now, things have changed.

Michael was no longer bitter and the Winchester no longer hated his presence.

In fact, there hadn’t been a more peaceful period in his home for a very long time and he might as well call it a miracle since Luke was here.

It was strange yet Michael dared not question the miracle for he knew such things would only cause unnecessary stress. So he merely prayed thanks to the Lord Almighty and carried on with his afternoon as per usual. He knew that Castiel and Dean would probably be hungry once they return so he planned on making pasta. While he inspected the cupboard for ingredients, he heard voices outside the kitchen. It sounded like Sam and Gabriel bickering and the couple made their way to the kitchen.

“Gabe you’re over-reacting!” Sam scolded while Gabriel opened the door of the fridge on Sam’s face.

“Maybe I wouldn’t be if you weren’t such a lousy boyfriend!” Gabriel hissed and reached for a tub of ice cream from the freezer. The couple probably didn’t even notice that Michael was in the room. They tended to do that, Gabriel and Sam. Michael knew for a while that they were the type of couple who were too heavily affected by the other to notice their surroundings. Michael almost let out a snicker if he didn’t hold it in. He thought about leaving the room and letting the two fight but he didn’t know how to do it safely.  

“Lousy? I’ve done nothing but give you everything that I can offer. Not everyone is as rich as you!” Sam bit back and Michael had a hunch on what the couple was fighting about.

“I’m not asking for your money! All I want is a little bit of effort from your behalf!”

Sam shook his head in fury. “I am! I don’t know why you’re being so ungrateful! I was about to give you kisses when you started jumping to conclusions about me not trying hard enough.”

“Because you’re not! You’re never up for anything spontaneous! Dean usually surprises Castiel but you never do. I feel like I always try my best to spice up our relationship since you’re too busy burying your face in your books. You never try!”

“Um there’s a difference between me and Dean. I think you’re forgetting that I’m still at school and I have no job. And what do you mean I never try? I’ve asked you to go with me to a couple of places but you’re so picky and you always say no!”

“I am not picky! It’s just-,”

Something stopped Gabriel from going on and both Sam and Michael anticipated in silence.

“It’s just what?”

“It’s just that I can take you to a better place-,”

Sam threw his head back in disbelief. “Here we go.”

“-it’s not that-,”

“Cut the crap Gabriel! You say one thing but mean the other- admit it! It’s not that I’m not making an effort, I’m just not good enough-,” Sam raised his voice loud enough for the entire house to hear.

“No! I never said that-,” Gabriel seemed small in comparison to Sam.

“But you implied it!” Sam pointed accusingly at Gabriel and slammed the door of the fridge shut.

“I didn’t! What about Dean? He doesn’t earn much yet he makes an effort to be a romantic.” Gabriel hissed.

“That’s because Cas lets him unlike you! If something doesn’t meet your standards, which are impossible by the way, you instantly find ways to change it.”

“Oh so you’re saying I’m a control freak?”

“Yes! Yes you are!”

“And you wonder why I’m mad? I’m dating an insensitive jerk!” Gabriel violently brushed Sam’s shoulder with his and stomped somewhere deep in the house.

Sam groaned in frustration and finally noticed Michael’s presence. The boy wanted to say something but he was more inclined to follow Michael’s brother. Which he did with heavy stomps that shook the very ground. Michael thought the ground was going to crack open and unleash hell spawn.

Instead, Sam and Gabriel’s voices bounced around the walls of the house as their argument intensified. Even Michael was afraid to leave the kitchen in case he got caught up in the crossfire.

He decided to busy himself with dinner preparations when he received a message from Dean.

**Dean: Need me to take Cas home soon? Just wondering because you might want him back for dinner or something.**

Michael smiled to himself. It was quite considerate of Dean to ask.

**Michael: You do not have to hurry. Sam and Gabriel are trying to see who can scream the loudest. I might be cleaning blood off the walls tonight.**

Michael placed his phone back in his pocket when he concluded that he had all the ingredients he needed for tonight. A loud thud was heard from upstairs including the sound of several things falling over. Most likely Gabriel’s things.

His phone rang, notifying him of a message and quickly reached down his pocket and opened it.

**Dean: Sounds fun. Those two are crazy and I’m glad Cas and I never fight.**

Michael scoffed to himself.

**Michael: On the contrary Winchester, you have the shortest fuse than any human I have ever met. Even Castiel’s patience could only go so far.**

A door slammed shut upstairs and it caught Michael’s attention before his phone buzzed again.

**Dean: Shut up. I’m an awesome boyfriend.**

Michael snickered to himself before his thumbs tapped away.

**Michael: Then I suggest you put your phone away and pay attention to your boyfriend.**

He knew better than to grab Dean’s attention during Castiel’s date. Just because he was Dean’s friend, it didn’t mean that he could be so familiar with him. The last thing he wanted was to step on Castiel’s toes.

Michael heard his phone ring one more time.

**Dean: Aye aye captain**

Just as Michael was about to put his phone away, Gabriel and Sam’s voice volumes increased as both men entered the kitchen.

“Gabe get back here!” Sam ordered but Gabriel ignored him and proceeded to return the tub of ice cream in the freezer.

“Didn’t I tell you to get out?” Gabriel shouted and Sam shook his head.

“This is exactly what your problem is- you never talk about your problems but instead you bottle them up until you explode.”

“Oh please-,” Gabriel made a ‘pfft’ sound.

“It’s true!” Sam blurted out. “You never tell me if something’s wrong but instead, you assume that I’ll just figure it out somehow. I hate to break it to you Gabriel but I’m not a mind reader! I’ll never know what’s going through that head of yours unless you say something. If you do that then I’ll most likely not be an insensitive dick and you don’t have to blow things out of proportion! You want me to be more romantic? Then fine, I’ll try harder!”

All of a sudden, Sam pulled Gabriel in for a kiss. The kiss went on for a while until Gabriel’s eyes fluttered shut and his ankle went up.

“Did you expect that?” Sam asked after he broke the kiss.

Gabriel’s expression was out of bliss. “No.”

“Good. It’s a start.” Sam growled but not out of anger. Not when Gabriel smirked tenderly and looked like he was about to melt.

“Let’s do that again.” Gabriel whispered.

“But it won’t be a surprise anymore.” Sam said.

“I don’t care.” Gabriel pulled Sam in for another kiss.

While all this was happening, Michael stood there and watched until the couple broke their kiss and finally noticed him.

“Mikey! How long have you been standing there?” Gabriel asked while Sam blushed in embarrassment.

“Long enough.” Michael chuckled softly and went to the cupboard to look for a snack.

“Babe he’s been here this whole time.” Sam nudged Gabriel’s shoulder. “Michael-,” he asked for Michael’s attention. “We’re really sorry that you had to witness that.”

“No it’s alright Samuel. I understand that you two have issues to deal with. All couples go through trysts.” Michael smiled fondly at the other two, letting them know that he was being sincere.

“Yeah but we were pretty loud…” Gabriel added. “It’s because this moose drives me crazy sometimes.”

“I drive you crazy? I think you crossed that bridge a long time ago babe.” Sam teased before he sniggered while rubbing his nose on Gabriel’s cheek.

“You’re a bitch.”

“I’m your bitch.” Sam grinned from ear to ear and Michael almost puked on how cheesy that was.

“What’s that look for?” Gabriel noticed and narrowed his eyes.

“What look?” Michael grabbed his hidden jar of cookies. “I don’t know what you’re talking about brother.” Before he closed the cupboard.

“That judgy look of yours that you always do whenever you hear and see something cheesy.” Gabriel accused while Michael twisted the jar’s lid and reached inside to grab a cookie before having a bite.

“Oh that look. Excuse me but it was not intentional. I am just not accustomed to witnessing couples being intimate and giving each other names. Being in the receiving end is quite different from doing it.” Michael noted before regret filled his stomach.

“So you’ve done this sort of stuff before?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow and Sam gave him a look. It took Gabriel a moment before he understood what the look meant. “I-I mean, if you have then we don’t judge…”

Michael raised an eyebrow at both men who were on their way to leaving the kitchen. He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms before calling their names.

“Samuel. Gabriel.”

Both men stopped dead on their tracks.

“Yes?” Gabriel asked as he and Sam turned around to face Michael.

“What was that look for?” Michael asked and Gabriel gave Sam a knowing look before answering.

“Nothing. That look meant nothing. You know how Sam just randomly makes these bitch faces.” Gabriel was lying of course.

Michael deepened his glare.

“Uh huh…Well I get the feeling that you two are not telling me something and I don’t appreciate being lied to. You two should know that by now.” Michael placed cookie jar on the counter and snapped a deathly glare at the two men.

Sam and Gabriel exchanged several panicked looks while Michael waited with his hands rested on the counter.

“Michael it’s nothing really. I never should’ve said anything.” Gabriel said and Michael intensified his questionable look.

“Are you sure?” Michael asked and both men nodded.

“Precisely. Your business is none of our concern, isn’t that right Gabe?” Sam turned to his boyfriend who nodded along.

Michael inhaled deeply and crossed his arms. Since it was getting late, Michael’s back was to the sunlight and his shadow cast over the two men.

“I see.” Michael fixed his spectacles before leaning on the counter again. “I just hope that it has nothing to do with the big secret that we all share. You two know that it displeases me when you both hide things from me. I could have sworn Gabriel said to be more open with each other regarding _that_ subject” He glanced at both men before stepping forward with his arms closed.

After three seconds, Gabriel succumbed.

“Ugh fine Mikey, it’s just…Sam and I agreed to not to talk about the subject because we didn’t want to upset you.” Gabriel admitted and Sam nodded along.

“It’s the truth Michael. We know we got ourselves into this so we thought that the least that we could do is to pretend as if it didn’t exist-,”

A nerve twitched in Michael’s temple.

“So you feel sorry for me? I thought I told you two to stop. I don’t need your pity.” Michael asked and both men quickly shook their heads and declined.

“No! I mean- yes!” Gabriel and Sam stammered at the same time before Gabriel took over.

“What we’re just trying to say is that, we pretend that nothing happened between you and Dean because we don’t want you to feel sorry for yourself. He’s still your ex and we don’t want you remembering things that would upset you. Not if we could avoid it.” Gabriel explained and a sickening feeling swirled inside Michael’s chest.

“Do you two really think that I’m that delicate? I’m not made of glass. I can talk about what happened between me and Dean without breaking down in tears!” Michael defensively pointed out.

“We know you’re not made of glass but Dean’s still dating Cas and we’ve noticed that you look at Dean in a way sometimes…” Sam continued and Michael went wide eyes in surprise.

“What way?” Michael demanded. “You think I’m jealous of Castiel and Dean’s relationship?”

“Well…” Gabriel and Sam shared the same look and Michael felt his blood boil.

“Unbelievable…” Michael shook his head disapprovingly. “I’ll have you know that I’ve accepted Dean’s relationship with Castiel for quite some time now. Even long before the two of you found out.” Michael pointed at Gabriel before he moved his finger to Sam.

“Yeah but we remember you telling Tessa that you still love him. We just didn’t want add insult to injury.” Sam added and Michael nodded.

“I see. Well I appreciate your sentiments, I’ll have you know that they are in mind. However it’s only natural to not get over your first love. They can be the hardest flames to extinguish.” It was too late before Michael realized what he said. “I didn’t mean that Gabriel is still hung up on Kali.” Michael turned to his brother then back to Sam. “What I’m trying to say, as eloquently as I can, is that I have grown much since losing Dean then losing him to Castiel.”

He looked at both men in the eye with intense seriousness.

“So don’t worry about protecting my feelings. Keeping the secret is all the help I need…” Michael admitted but both men did not seem convinced. So he continued. “Besides it’s fine to talk about my relationship with Dean from time to time. I’ve kept it to myself for so long that it’s actually refreshing to talk about it to others for a change.”

Sam and Gabriel looked at each other for a second before nodding.

“Okay, if it’s alright with Michael then it’s alright with me.” Gabriel commented then he turned to his boyfriend. “Sammy?”

“Yeah I agree.” Sam smiled and relief swelled inside Michael’s chest.

“Are you sure?” Michael asked just to reassure.

“Yeah we’re sure.” Gabriel answered for them both.

“Good.” Michael said. “That’s all.” He added before both men exited the room.

He wondered about what he said just now as he touched the phone in his pocket. Sometimes he wished that he could convince himself as well as he convinced others.

Instead of dwelling on it any longer, he grabbed the jar of cookies and retreated to the parlor. There was a book calling for him and he needed some chocolate chip cookies by his side.

An hour later, Michael went back to the kitchen to start dinner. He did spend some time thinking about what Gabriel and Sam said however it was all soon forgotten when he opened a book on Greek Mythology that his mother used to read to him. He loved Myths, they assisted in the creation of cultures and customs.

Stories were just as significant to society as food however many people nowadays forget that.

Even though Michael had never been to Italy, he tasted a part of the culture through his mother’s cooking and the stories she shared. Apparently she and father travelled all around and it was nice to think that their father was happy. Even though he was unhappy for most of Michael’s life.

Michael banished the thought as his attention fixated on the pasta sauce.

“Something smells wonderful!” Gabriel burst through the door to the kitchen and approached the stove where Michael’s pasta sauce boiled. Sam followed behind and smelled the fragrance with his boyfriend.

“It should be finished soon. I’m about to boil water for the pasta.” Michael said as he reached underneath the cupboard to find a pot to boil water.

“Need some help?” Sam asked and Michael shook his head.

“I should be fine. I’ll call the two of you when it’s ready. Castiel and Dean should be here as well.” Michael commented and Sam smiled brightly.

“Dean’ll love this. It’s his favorite.” Sam commented.

Michael sniggered to himself. “Yes he does. Beyond his diner food and pie obsession, he secretly loves Italian cuisine. He also secretly watches cooking shows and looks for recipes to try.”

“That’s right, I grew up with him forcing me to taste test all his failures. He was pretty bad at first but now he’s pretty good...” Sam and Michael laughed together.

“By the way, how did you know all that?” Sam asked and Michael froze for a moment to recall.

“How do you think?” Michael gave Sam a knowing look.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Michael shook his head. “I told you it’s alright.” Then he started stirring the sauce to assess the texture.

“If you don’t mind me asking…” Sam muttered and Michael turned to him. “What was my brother like back then?” Sam asked and Gabriel crept up behind him.

“Babe…”

“Gabriel it’s alright, I don’t mind sharing and this way, I can convince the two of you that I’m moving on, actually- moved on without Dean.” Michael admitted as he measured the amount of pasta that they’ll need for tonight. Since there were five- no six (if Luke was joining them) men on the table tonight, he needed plenty of pasta.

“Was Dean different back then to how he is now?” Sam asked and Michael gave him a smile.

“Honestly? He was almost the same…” Michael waited for the water in the pot to boil. “Dean carried himself very much like the way he is now. Cool, macho-acting and with a devil may care attitude all wrapped up in one bowlegged package”

Gabriel’s nose scrunched up. “Please tell me that you’re not talking about Dean’s junk.”

Michael blushes, “No I’m not.”

“In other words, he was a dick.” Sam chuckled and Michael smiled at what he said.

“He can be. However I cannot say that I paid him enough patience.”

**-Three Years Ago-**

 “Hey handsome, is someone sitting here because it’d be such a shame if a good looking guy like you were sitting here all by your lonesome self.” Dean winked at Michael who raised a questionable eyebrow on him.

“Actually I’m waiting for someone. My boyfriend and he’s late.” Michael played along with Dean’s act to see where it went. He knew Dean was being cheeky because he made Michael wait for almost an hour by now.

(Michael to Sam: Though your brother can be quite vulgar at times, but then again…I had no right to talk.)

“Is he? Well he’s a dick for letting you sit here waiting for a while.” Dean leaned forward and his lips had a cocksure smile.

“Yes. He can be quite insensitive. I don’t know why I put up with him.”

“Aw now if I was your boyfriend, I wouldn’t leave you here waiting for long.” Dean grinned from ear to ear and Michael tried his best to resist the urge to laugh.

“Is that so? How would you do things differently?” Michael asked.

“I’d pick you up from your place with my baby. I drive a 67’ Chevy Impala and I’ll tell you now, there’s enough space in the back to do all kinds of things that I wanna do to you.” Dean clicked his cheek and winked.

“What kind of things?” Michael asked with a grin.

“Indecent things.” Dean wriggled his eyebrows.

“Hello sir, could I get any of you a drink?” The waiter suddenly appeared and Michael felt Dean’s shoe caress his thigh from under the table.

“I’m sorry but nothing for now.” Michael told the waiter as he felt Dean’s foot nudge the outline of his erection.

“I think it’s rather rude to touch someone without their permission.” Michael whispered but Dean only gave him a challenging look.

“Is that so? What’re you going to do about it?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“I think I’m going to have to punish you.” Michael casually said as looked at Dean over his spectacles.

“Really?” Dean raised an eyebrow. “My baby’s parked outside and I know a place where we could go.”

“You’re not hungry?” Michael asked.

“Nope. I can wait.” Dean said with a devilish smile. “How about you? Still waiting for your crappy boyfriend?”

“I’ve waited long enough.” Michael answered.

***

 

It didn’t take very long before Dean and Michael were crushing their lips together. Dean drove them to the clearing where they usually went and their clothes were off faster than a blink of an eye. Not a minute sooner, Dean grabbed some lube from the glove compartment and applied some on Michael’s fingers. Then he had some on his to apply in hole before climbing on top of Michael and started sinking down. Enveloping Michael’s cock with tightness and heat.

A groan of relief and pleasure escaped their throats as Dean straddled Michael. Dean just sat there to savor the feeling of being full while Michael stroked his creamy thighs and teased his cock with gentle flicks of Michael’s fingers. Dean moaned a little and chased for more, Michael was more than happy to oblige.

“You like that?” Michael asked and Dean bit his lower lip before answering.

“Y-Yes…” Dean bit out before Michael wrapped his fingers around Dean’s cock, stroking it a little. Letting the precome dribble from the tip and all over his fingers.

“Now are you going to be good for me baby?” Michael asked and Dean jerked a nod. “You weren’t so good to me back at the restaurant.” Dean groaned as Michael stroked his dick the way he liked it. “You were touching me in public and you know how I don’t like it when you make me lose my cool in front of everyone.” Michael whispered and nipped Dean’s left ear, making the boy gasp. Michael’s hand was still stroking Dean’s cock and the other cupped Dean’s firm ass. The more he stroked the tighter Dean became.

“Did you want me to stumble while I spoke to the waiter? Is that what you wanted?” Michael asked with his eyes closed and his face plastered next to Dean’s left cheek. They could hear each other’s breaths well and Michael could feel every muscle in Dean’s body, just by being this close. They twitched and ached for something, anything that Michael could offer.

“No…” Dean moaned out while Michael gently stroked and thumbed the slit of Dean’s cock.

“what is it baby?” Michael asked.

“I wasn’t.” Dean muttered. “I wasn’t trying to tease you- I just wanted…” Dean gasped as Michael rolled his fingers on the head of his cock. Then Michael moved his fingers up to Dean’s mouth and fed the boy his own precome.

“Taste good?” Michael asked and Dean swallowed. He was such a good boy to Michael.

“Carry on.”

Dean twitched and sniffled to find the answer. “I was just trying to… I just wanted your cock…” Dean sounded pained and it brought a smile on Michael’s face.

“Oh is that so?” Michael raised an eyebrow.

“Yes.”

Then Michael’s face went serious. “Yes what?”

It took a moment before Dean realized what Michael meant.

“Y-Yes sir…” he muttered but Michael pretended not to hear.

“I didn’t hear that.”

Dean bit his lower lip as he tried to grind his hips up to get some friction however Michael’s hands gripped him down. Dean knew he was going to bruise. He liked it when he did. Since he couldn’t move and didn’t want to answer, he clenched his hole to please Michael at least.

“Now you’re being even naughtier Dean…trying to distract me by tightening your hole. You know it’ll take more than that to make me come.” Michael raised an eyebrow before he raised his left hand up from Dean’s ass check and taking it back down with a loud smack.

“Ah!” escaped Dean’s mouth.

“What did I say about touching me in public?” Michael asked and before Dean could answer, he smacked him again.

“You’re supposed to be good to me but instead you’re lying and being selfish.” Michael smacked Dean two more times until Dean’s eyes watered and the boy was whimpering on top of him.

“I’m sorry-,” Dean hitched but Michael was unconvinced.

“You’re sorry?” then Michael’s fingers trailed over the sensitive surface of Dean’s ass cheek. It must be red by now but not red enough to Michael’s satisfaction. “Sorry’s not going cut it Dean. Not when you’re forgetting your place.” Michael’s fingers dug into the sensitive flesh which made Dean gasp.

“Now that was a nice restaurant and it wasn’t easy trying to book a seat for the two of us, plus you were late.” Michael bit Dean’s earlobe which had Dean squirming. “You also think that you can get away with it by teasing me under the table. Someone has to teach you some manners.” He smacked Dean again and the walls of Dean’s hole tightened around his cock.

“I’m sorry!” Dean cried out. “I’m sorry, please forgive me…” Dean begged but Michael was no pushover.

“I don’t think you’ve learned your lesson yet Dean.” Michael’s tongue licked Dean’s tear with a long stripe. “Now you’re going to listen to me and you’re going to behave. Understand? Otherwise none of us get to come and I’ll leave.” Michael threatened and it caught Dean’s attention. The whimpers stopped as Dean stared right into Michael’s eyes, devoting his entire attention.

“Yes sir.” Dean answered and Michael smirked.

“First I’m going to spank you ten times and you’re going to count.” Michael sternly stated and reached for Dean’s other ass cheek. “You’re gonna get ten on this side because the other has had all the attention already. It wouldn’t be fair and it wouldn’t hurt as much.”

A whimper escaped Dean’s mouth before Michael could continue. “You’re not allowed to touch yourself to get off in any way. Not your cock, your nipples or anything can touched. And you are not to come unless I tell you to, understand?” Michael asked and Dean nodded.

“What was that?”

“Yes sir! Yes.” Dean hissed the answer but not out of spite but from pleasure.

“Good. Start counting.” Then Michael’s hand landed on Dean’s ass cheek with another loud smack.

“One!”

Then another.

“Two!” Dean’s hips gyrated from the pain.

Smack!

“T-Three!”

Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!

Michael kept going until Dean was panting on top of him. Michael’s left hand kept a firm grip around Dean’s dick, stopping the boy from coming so soon. He was so sensitive and Michael absolutely loved it. Dean gripped the back rest of the impala until his knuckles were white however the last few smacks had him clinging onto Michael as if his life depended on it.

“Have you learned your lesson?” Michael asked and Dean pleaded with his eyes and some moans.

“Please…I’m sorry…” There were tears in Dean’s eyes and Michael could also see something else.

Devotion.

“I know you are baby but there’s three more to go. Can you take it?” Michael asked and Dean seemed uncertain for a second before nodding.

“You know you can tell me to stop. Remember the safeword?”

“Sundown. I know. I’ll tell you to stop when it gets too much.” Dean whispered in pain and Michael resisted the urge to kiss him there and then. He never kissed Dean during spankings. It was too affectionate in a different way. Michael had to wait until the end.

“Good.” Michael said then he gave another smack.

“You’re not counting baby.” Michael clutched on Dean’s ass cheek firmly.

“E-eight…”

“Do I have to add another ten?” Michael threatened and Dean hastily shook his head.

“N-no…I’m sorry…”

And another.

“Nine!” Dean almost jumped off Michael’s dick in surprise.

Until the last one was hard enough to push a groan out of Dean’s throat. Michael let his hand rest on the tender flesh while Dean caught his breath. His cock was hard, probably harder than it’s ever been as Dean’s hole had been clenching it for quite some time now.

“Are you okay baby?” Dean nodded while Michael wiped the tears off his face. “Did you learn your lesson?” Michael asked and Dean nodded again.

“Good. You’re a good boy.” Michael whispered before hungrily locking his lips with Dean’s.

“Dean…” He whispered as he slightly lifted Dean’s hips up and down. Dean’s knees rested on the leather seat as he began to slowly bounce up and down on Michael’s length.

“M-Michael…” Dean stammered as Michael’s lips kissed and his tongue licked Dean’s neck and shoulders. Gradually, his hips started rutting up to meet Dean’s rhythm. Every thrust punched a gasp out of Dean’s mouth until they were both covered with sweat and come. Michael didn’t even touch Dean’s cock however it was hard, angry and leaking. So was his cock as it was buried deep inside the boy. Squelching sounds and their moans bounced all over the walls of the Impala.

All the while, Dean held onto Michael as if his life depended on it even more.

The moment after, Michael started pounding into Dean ruthlessly. Dean clung on and dug his fingers into Michael’s hair, ruining what Michael worked on for almost half an hour. All of this was for Dean of course so Michael didn’t care. Right now, he wanted to thrust into Dean until the bowlegged boy was limping after.

His thrusts were hard enough until he was balls deep inside Dean. And the boy moaned in delight with every fuck of the way.

“Dean I’m gonna-,” Michael groaned out in between his powerful thrusts. Dean no longer responded with words, he just babbled in ecstasy as his cock spurted white hot come all over their chests and stomachs. Michael soon followed, burying his cock deep inside the boy until he was empty and twitching. Every single movement made his balls tighten and hips buck up. His cock was still hard of course, he was always up for another round however Dean laid limp atop of him, panting softly. It was adorable and Michael wrapped his arms tighter around Dean’s middle to keep him close.

Their bodies fit each other like two pieces of a puzzle. Perfect just like this.

“Dean…” Michael muttered in between panting. “Are you okay?” he asked and Dean shifted so he could look at Michael in the eyes.

“Very okay.” Dean whispered and planted a kiss on Michael’s face. “More than okay.”

Michael shared a sigh of relief with Dean and stroked the boy’s sweat covered back.

Suddenly, a strange noise gurgled underneath them.

“Sorry.” Even though it was dark, Michael could tell that Dean was beet red. He laughed of course as he found it adorable like everything else about Dean.

“Was that a whale’s mating call?” Michael asked and Dean burrowed his face in Michael’s shoulder.

“Stop! It’s freaking embarrassing.” Dean muttered on Michael’s skin.

“I thought it was kind of cute.” Michael giggled and he never giggled.

“Shut up.” Dean narrowed his eyes.

“Or what?” Michael asked and Dean leaned in to plant a kiss on Michael’s lips.

“Or I’ll kiss you.” Dean said and Michael chuckled.

“Perfect way to shut me up.” Michael commented.

They cleaned up soon after and Dean drove them back to the city. They couldn’t really go back to the restaurant, especially since they smelt of musk and come. Well Dean did, he admitted that he could feel his hole leaking and Michael couldn’t help but shove his tongue down his throat.

So they settled for an Italian restaurant which was thankfully open late. As they made their way to their seat, Dean walked weirdly and Michael couldn’t help but grin because he knew who caused Dean to move in such a way. He felt even more pleased with himself when Dean winced in pain after sitting. He was sure that the boy’s ass was still raw and red.

Dean was so hungry that as soon as the waiter arrived with their food, Dean ate so fast, he almost choked to death.

“What?” Dean asked as Michael inspected the boy’s sauce covered expression. “Is it my face?”

Michael chuckled and rested his cheek on his hand.

“No. No it’s not that…it’s nothing…” Michael shook his head and smiled.

“Tell me.” Dean wiped his face with a tissue and leaned forward.

Michael probably shouldn’t say anything. One more word and he was sure to say something he shouldn’t.

“Michael.” Dean straightened his face. “Tell me what’s bothering you.” Then the Winchester reached for Michael’s hand, Michael obliged of course and reached for it.

“Nothing’s bothering me. Quite the opposite in fact. I just love this.” Michael said it and he instantly bit his cheek in shame. He shouldn’t have said anything. “I mean- I really like doing this sort of thing with you. Being here…that’s all.” Michael blushed and looked anywhere but Dean’s direction. Internally, he was freaking out and his heart raced faster than it’s ever been.

A few seconds passed before Michael turned to Dean who was staring right at him with so much affection in his eyes. Dean’s grip on his hand tightened and Dean’s pupils almost dilated.

“I’m sorry that was a bit forward.” Michael apologized and Dean shook his head.

“Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Dean objected then he cleared his throat. “For what it’s worth, I also love doing these sort of things with you. Sitting here, enjoying this. You’re not the only one who’s liking this a little too much.” Then a chuckle escape Dean’s smile.

Michael’s heart was racing again only this time, it felt like it was about to leap out of his chest.

“That-,” Dean continued then he stabbed a meatball in his pasta. “Or I just really love Italian food.”

A smile formed on Michael’s face before they both started to laugh.

“You’re right. Maybe it’s just this place and the food.” Michael looked around the restaurant and appreciated the way it was set up. The chairs were wooden and the walls were painted yellow. The tiles on the floor created swirling patterns like whirlpools into the abyss.

“When both my parents are out at work, I’d make some pasta for me and my brother Sammy after school.” Dean shared and Michael listened carefully. When it came to his family, Dean always brightened up, especially when he spoke about his baby brother. From what Michael gathered, Dean spent most of his childhood with Sam, a sibling than his own parents.

Something they both shared in a way.

“You can cook?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, only sometimes when mom’s busy. Dad’s not that great in the kitchen but from the moment I was old enough to use the stove, I started experimenting on a few recipes I saw in the food channel or in mom’s cookbooks.” Dean said and Michael was surprised that he and Dean shared a lot more things in common.

Then a smile formed on Dean’s face and it was the look he makes whenever he remembered something nice.

“What is it?” Michael asked.

“Sometimes I’d force Sammy to try what I make. I don’t make a lot because I didn’t wanna use too much ingredients from the kitchen if I was gonna screw it up. I only made enough for two so Sammy and I could enjoy or hate what I make.” Dean gazed on his plate with a smile while he played with a meatball. “I made this really crappy pasta once and Sam made this really grossed out face. When I tasted it, I realized how shitty it was.”

Dean paused for a moment before he continued.

“But Sammy always finished whatever I make him. I dunno why he’d put himself through such a punishment.” Dean contemplated and Michael remembered a similar event involving him trying to cook for the first time when his mother recently passed away. Gabriel and Anna were hungry and Michael was too young to use the stove when his mother was alive.

“I think I know why he does it.” Michael muttered and it caught Dean’s attention.

“Really?” Dean asked and he sounded genuinely curious.

“When I was little, my mother passed away before she could teach me how to cook. So I learned it all from reading books and figuring it out as I went along.” Michael remembered looking for the right equipment in the kitchen and almost burning the house down when he turned the stove on.

He almost gave up then and there until someone arrived to help.

“I was a terrible cook.” Michael said and Dean scoffed.

“No way. You made the best breakfast that I’ve ever had. I don’t think I can go anywhere else for bacon and eggs.”

Michael let a laugh escape him. “Well I didn’t become that great without trying or starting somewhere.” He noted and Dean nodded.

Michael’s mind returned to that memory in the kitchen when he started sobbing because he didn’t know what to make his siblings. It was only a matter of time before Castiel wakes up and starts crying again because he missed his mother’s warmth. Michael was also hungry and his hands were shaking in grief until someone crept behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

‘Need help?’ it was Luke who asked.

Michael turned to his brother with watery eyes and nodded. They worked together to find whatever they could reach and made pasta. When Michael burned his hand, Luke quickly placed his hand under cold water and took over the role of stirring the sauce. Michael winced in his pain as his fingers clenched and unclenched in frustration. He should’ve stirred the sauce carefully.

‘Don’t cry.’ Luke said. ‘It’s not your fault.’

Michael heard his brother say but Luke didn’t turn to face him. When they were finished, Luke even summoned his siblings to the kitchen and prepared the table. Since Michael couldn’t stand idly by as Luke did all the work, he covered his hand with bandages and served his siblings. When Gabriel asked what happened to Michael’s hand, he told him not to worry about it.

Their father did not even join them. Michael prepared a plate for his father nevertheless.

“My siblings hated what I made but Luke, whom you’ve met before, ensured that they always ate whatever I made. I didn’t know why at the time because it was terrible. I never wanted them to go through such pain ever again so I got better. Now that I think about it maybe the reason why our brothers force themselves to eat whatever we make is because they don’t want to make us feel bad and give up. They didn’t want us to give up on ourselves so they didn’t. they believed that we could do better. I know I did.” Michael said then he suddenly noticed that Dean was making a puppy dog expression.

“What?” Michael asked and he sounded like Dean earlier.

“Nothing…it’s just that I’ve never looked at it in that way before…” Dean pondered.

“Well I could be wrong.”

Dean shook his head with a jerk. “No. I think it makes a lot more sense now that you’ve said it.” Then a wide smile formed on Dean’s face which relieved Michael. “When I go back and see Sam, I’ll tell him what you said and maybe you’re right.”

“Maybe.” Michael grinned with Dean and thanked whoever it was out there for making this night one of the most memorable times he spent with Dean.

***

 

**-Michael-**

“And that was it. I assumed that the reason as to why you kept eating what he made was because it was your way of showing support.” Michael placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “You probably knew that all Dean wanted was to take care of you while John and Mary were still at work so he tried learning how to cook. To give him your thanks, you ate whatever he made and never gave up. For as long you did, neither did he.” Michael shook his head with a smile.

“He’s a stubborn one and we all know this by now.” Then Michael returned to stirring the sauce. The consistency was close to satisfactory however his attention was grabbed by Sam’s gaze.

“What’s the matter?” he asked and Sam’s eyes were glassy. “Did I say something wrong?”

Sam sniffled before wiping his face with his hands. “No Michael, you were right. I believed in Dean when he couldn’t do it for himself.”

Michael carefully nodded as he wondered why Sam’s eyes were watery.

“Your brother needs to give himself more credit sometimes.” Michael lectured as he fixed his drooping spectacles.

“So do you.” Sam said and Michael raised an eyebrow. “You should give yourself more credit. Dean doesn’t just open up to someone so easily and tell them about these sort of things, yet you did. You really got him to open up. And this was the Dean from a time when all he had was mom, dad and myself.”

Michael deepened his questioning look. “Your point?”

“You supported him when he didn’t have us. He must’ve really loved you then.” Sam admitted and Michael’s heart almost dropped.

He took a moment to realize Sam’s sentiment and even contemplated on sniggering but instead he focused on the sauce.

“Michael.” Sam called but Michael kept stirring. “Do you still love my brother?”

Michael sighed in frustration. “He loves Castiel.”

“But do you love him?” Sam asked and Michael quickly answered. “Castiel loves him.”

“That’s not-,”

“Where are you taking this?” Michael snapped and both Gabriel and Sam stood in silence.

“I was just wondering why you didn’t try harder to help him remember? Tessa told me and Gabriel that you spent days and nights waiting for Dean to wake up that as soon as he couldn’t remember you, you gave up. Why didn’t you believe in yourself more?”

“Sam-,” Michael tried to interrupt but Sam raised his voice.

“You should’ve fought harder. You should’ve-,”

“Enough!” Michael yelled and Sam zipped instantly.

“How could you blame me for giving up? You barely know anything yet you dare point a finger at me!” Michael yelled and Gabriel defensively got in between their spaces.

“Mikey please stop.”

“Have you forgotten that Castiel is currently in a relationship with your brother? Castiel is your best friend Sam. All this talk about believing in someone yet you don’t even rest your faith in your Castiel and Dean’s happiness.”

“MICHAEL THAT’S ENOUGH!” Gabriel shouted and Michael stopped.

With regret, Michael turned his face away because of shame and muttered. “I’m sorry.”

“No it’s okay. I deserved that.” Sam said but Michael shook his head.

“No you didn’t.”

“Yes I do. I was supposed to be helping instead of blaming you. It’s just that…I’m just trying to think of what’s best for everyone. For you, Cas and Dean. I just…” Sam stammered before he covered his face and groaned in frustration.

“I just think it’s unfair that you care about my brother so much yet he doesn’t have a clue on how much.”

Michael had to interject. “I know however I love the old Dean. Not the Dean who is in love with Castiel right now. It’s wrong and you know it is.”

“I don’t think so.” Sam shook his head. “I think you’re mistaking your feeling of guilt for something else.”

“Like what?” Michael raised an eyebrow.

“You're afraid.” Sam pointed out and Gabriel stroked his boyfriend’s arm.

“Sammy…”

“No Gabe, I have to say this, we’ve talked about this long enough.” Sam turned to his boyfriend before returning to Michael.

“Gabriel?” Michael darted his brother a death stare.

“Look, it’s mainly my idea so don’t blame Gabriel but I what I think is that the reason as to why you don’t want Dean to remember is because you’re scared of getting rejected for the second time by not just the current Dean but also the old one. From what I’ve gathered, your relationship with Dean back then was amazing and perfect and you wanna keep it that way in your memory. I understand however you’re scared that if the old Dean resurfaces, he could reject you and destroy that precious image of Dean in your head.”

Michael was at a loss as to what to say. It felt as if thunderclouds loomed in the distance and boomed across the sky, shaking the earth.

“Sam stop.” Gabriel pleaded but Sam resisted.

“You talk about the old Dean giving up by being dead in Dean’s memory but the only one who I think has given is you. Why didn’t you- actually, why don’t you believe in yourself as much as you believed in the old Dean and your relationship with him?” Sam barked out and for a moment there, Michael thought he saw a glimpse of the old Dean in the youngest Winchester’s eyes.

It was obviously a revenant but the brightness matched the old Dean’s soul.

“Sam!” Gabriel shouted and Michael didn’t realize he had tears in his eyes.

“Michael, I…” Sam’s voice was softer now but Michael chose not to look at the Winchester. Instead he stirred the sauce and turned the fire off before leaving the room, slamming the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam's idea came through my head i the last minute and it's an issue that's been itching for a while but I couldn't put it into words.


	21. Chapter 21- Hanging Off a Cliff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael catches Castiel and Luke eavesdropping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited

**-Michael-**

Later in the afternoon, when the sun was starting to hide behind the trees and the birds all turned into black silhouettes in the horizon, Michael retired to the parlor to read a book. He was reading to calm his nerves after hearing all the things that Sam said. He had not spoken to the Winchester since Castiel and Dean arrived nor did he make any eye contact. Luke joined them, which did very little to alleviate Michael’s headache.

Instead, Michael sought solace from one of his favorite books.

Before he could even open the cover, Sam opened the door and asked to come in. Michael straightened in his seat while Sam took mother’s seat.

“Hello Sam, Gabriel’s in his room I believe.”

“Yeah I know but I here because…we need to talk.”

Michael shut his book and hardened his gaze on the boy.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”

Michael had to interrupt. “Sam-,”

“No Michael, I have to say this, it’s important.” Sam noted and Michael frowned. “I’m sorry for earlier and I’ll have you know that you have my respect. For all the things you’ve done.”

Michael sighed and clutched firmly onto the armrests.

“You are forgiven.” Then Michael’s lips formed a warm smile. “I hope you know that you are like a brother to me, Sam. I wouldn’t entrust you with such a secret if I didn’t trust you. It pleases me, knowing that Gabriel is in good hands.”

Sam blushed and scratched the back of his head. “It’s nothing really. Gabriel can take of himself, I’m just a guy who’s head over heels for him.”

Michael cackled as he remembered this morning’s charade. “That you are.”

“Well compared to you, I’m nothing. You’ve done so much for the person you love. It makes me jealous sometimes.” Sam admitted and Michael shook his head.

“Don’t be.” Michael replied when suddenly their attentions were drawn to the voices outside the door which was slightly ajar as if someone was holding the handle on the other side. Then the voices grew louder as Sam’s face quickly filled with panic. Michael on the other hand stood up and reached for the door to open it and find Gabriel, Luke and Castiel standing right outside.

If he didn’t know any better, he might say they were eavesdropping.

“What is the meaning of this?” Michael’s voice was deep in fury as fear covered Castiel and Gabriel’s expressions. Luke on the other hand seemed unaffected.

“Mikey I was looking for Sam when I caught Cassie and Luke eavesdropping in your conversation!”

Castiel snapped Gabriel a look. “I was not eavesdropping. Luke told me that Michael needed to see me.”

Then Michael’s eyes narrowed at his brother. “Luke?”

Luke seemed unabashed by everything. He was obviously feigning ignorance.

“What?” Luke devilishly grinned and Michael resisted the urge to punch his brother in the face if it weren’t for both Gabriel and Castiel standing there looking right at him with confused expressions.

“What are you trying to do?”

“Nothing.”

He was lying of course.

“Michael…” Castiel suddenly grabbed his attention and Michael’s face went pale. “What’s going on?” Michael trembled to find the answer but time was running out and Castiel’s expression grew ever worse.

“And don’t say ‘nothing’ now.” Luke said with a mischievous smiled. “It’ll only make it look more suspicious.”

Michael gritted his teeth but Luke merely brushed past him. Luke went into the parlor and pulled a chair while Michael followed from behind. Michael’s brother threw one knee over the other and planted his fingers together.

“Michael.” Gabriel called him and Michael turned around. Castiel and Sam stood next to Gabriel and Michael can’t help but feel their eyes digging into his conscience.

“The room’s quite crowded is it not?” Luke asked and Michael deepened his glare.

Suddenly he remembered the look on Castiel’s face and stopped.

“It’s alright. I just need to speak to Luke.” Michael said but he directed it more to Castiel than anyone in the room. “Alone.”

Castiel nodded reluctantly then the rest followed. Soon the crowd trickled out of the door, Gabriel held Castiel by the shoulder and led the youngest Novak out of the room. But not before Michael caught Castiel staring at him with such worry. Even after the door clicked shut, Michael could still feel Castiel’s eyes on him.

Not a moment later, Michael snapped his brother a glare.

“What are you trying to do?”

Luke sniggered. “I’m just having a bit of fun brother.”

Michael lunged forward and tightly gripped the armrests to face Luke. “This is not a game brother!”

“Isn’t it?” Luke raised an eyebrow and Michael saw the challenge in his eyes.

“Are you testing me?” Michael hissed the question.

“Why on earth would I be doing that?” Luke asked and placed a finger on his lip.

“Don’t-,” Michael pointed a commanding finger. “I did not call for Castiel nor am I an idiot.”

Michael crossed his arms. “You’re planning something.”

Luke chuckled softly. “I’m merely distracting myself.”

“Liar.”

“So are you.”

Michael stared Luke down which did not seem to have an effect. “I thought you didn’t want Castiel to know.”

“I changed my mind.” Luke smiled and it made Michael’s nerves twitch.

“What brought this about?” Michael asked. “You never do anything unless you want something in return.”

“Is that so?”

“It’s the truth. You’re the devil.”

“And you’re a saint?” A wave of tension swept in the room as Michael intensified his glare. Luke did not seem afraid that Michael’s nostrils flared or his voice raised.

“What do you want?” Michael asked again. “Is it money? Do you want a favor?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit!”

Luke chuckled some more. “Language dear brother!”

“Or what?” Michael hissed.

“Or Castiel might hear.” Luke smirked.

“Isn’t that what you were trying to do earlier? This doesn’t make sense so I’ll ask you one more time…” Michael sighed as he tapped his feet. “What do you want?”

“What do _you_ want?” Luke asked and Michael had enough.

“I don’t know what you’re up to brother however you should know that I am not quite versed to your childish games.” Then Michael leaned down and fiercely gripped the armrests of Luke’s chair again. “Just because you helped me a long time ago, it does not give you the right to toy with me.”

“I’m toying with you? Please Michael, look at yourself first before going around and pointing fingers.” Luke inspected his fingernails.

“Is that what this is? A little reflection exercise?” Michael’s eyes squinted.

“You tell me.”

“Enough with the riddles!” Michael shouted. “Is this what you want? To tear this family apart?” Michael asked and Luke cackled loudly.

“Oh Michael, Michael, Michael…” Luke got up and paced around Michael. “This family is already torn whether or not I play my ‘childish games’.”

The words shook Michael’s very core and flashes of his parents’ faces flicked through his mind. His fists unclenched and jaw relaxed at the realization that Luke was in fact- right.

 “Why are you doing this?” Michael asked in defeat then Luke stopped behind him.

“You already know why.” Luke said then he headed to the door. “You just don’t want to admit it.”

Michael turned to his side as Luke opened the door and his brother also looked at him once more.

“Now it’ll be best if you make up a really good story to tell Castiel. He’s probably wondering why he’s been kept in the dark for so long.” Then Luke closed the door behind him.

***

 

Michael didn’t want to do it but he decided that it was time to confront Castiel. It wasn’t an easy decision as Dean joined them for dinner. Everyone was there but only Dean was unaware of why there was heavy tension in the room. He was the only one uplifting the atmosphere.

Luke sat on Michael’s seat, opposite to their father’s chair where Michael sat.

Everyone else sat on the side which made it easy for Michael to keep a piercing glare at his brother. Luke on the other hand, didn’t seem to care.

Once everyone was finished, Michael waited until he cleaned the dishes to go upstairs and enter Castiel’s bedroom to talk. All the while, he had Sam and Luke’s voices echoing in his head like two different songs. Each one made him feel closer to a panic attack, which he hadn’t had in a while since Gabriel and Sam found out. He knocked on the door and asked to come in. Castiel answered and Michael twisted the knob to come in.

Castiel was on his bed checking his phone when Michael entered. He wasn’t wearing pajamas yet, probably because it was still too early. And Michael thought this was the perfect time.

“I need to speak to you.” Michael said as he sat at the foot of the bed.

“Okay.” Castiel nodded and there was so much worry in his expression that it hurt. Michael also saw innocence in those eyes and it made him think that after everything that’s happened, Castiel was also a victim.

“I just wanted to talk about what happened downstairs earlier. Outside the parlor I mean.” Michael explained and Castiel nodded.

“I didn’t hear anything!” Castiel blurted out and Michael raised an eyebrow.

“Really?”

“Yes. I didn’t hear anything. Luke grab ahold of me before I reached the stairs and he said that you needed to tell me something. I didn’t know you weren’t alone in the parlor…” Castiel’s voice dropped at the end. “Dean told me that you texted him saying that Gabriel and Sam were fighting today and I assumed that was what you were talking to Sam about. However, I didn’t want to jump into conclusions and it’s none of my business. So I didn’t listen…I stood outside the door but I didn’t…I didn’t want to intrude in your privacy.” Castiel muttered and Michael nodded carefully.

“So you don’t know anything? Aside from what you said I mean?” Michael asked and Castiel nodded.

“Yes. Again it’s none of my business and I’m not one to intrude…” Castiel looked down on his phone.

“Huh.” Michael placed his hands on his side and looked away for a moment. All his worrying and Castiel didn’t know anything but somehow, he couldn’t bring it in himself to leave the room. There was something that Castiel wasn’t saying and Michael could feel it weigh in his shoulders.

“Are you sure?” Michael asked and it caught Castiel’s attention.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I mean, is that all? You don’t know anything.” Michael asked again and Castiel shook his head. There was no guile in his actions whatsoever and Michael would know.

“I see.” Michael uttered under his breath then they were quiet.

“Again, it’s none of my business to eavesdrop on your affairs even if it’s with Sam. He may be my best friend but I don’t have to know every single thing that he knows nor what you share with him for that matter…” Castiel sounded like he was insinuating something.

Michael slid closer next to his brother and reached an arm around Castiel’s waist.

“Is there something wrong, Castiel?”

Castiel shook his head. “No.”

“You sure? You’re not upset that I was talking to Sam and didn’t tell you what it was about?” Michael asked as he inspected Castiel frown.

“No it’s not that…”

“So you are upset about something?” Michael finally got an answer out. “Talk to me and be honest. You know you can tell me anything.”

Castiel sighed and stared into empty space.

“It’s just- I can’t shake the feeling that everyone knows something that I don’t.” Castiel admitted and there it was. Michael’s fears were coming true.

“It’s just a feeling but whenever we all gather together; I notice that something is not being said even though it’s at the tip of everyone’s tongue.” Castiel kept going. “I don’t know what it is but Gabriel and Sam have been acting quite strange lately but they wouldn’t say anything. They say they’re fine but I can’t shake the feeling that something’s up and they’re not telling what it is. Everyone has that look on their face, even you.” Castiel turned to Michael with pleading eyes.

“What look?” Michael questioned.

“The look that remind me of the time when Anna wouldn’t admit that Santa Claus didn’t exist until I was twelve even though I’ve known for a while. Or that time when you told me that dad went away for a while even though you knew he wasn’t coming back. Gabriel and Luke had that look a few years ago when you were barely home. Now Sam also has that look. Nobody says anything but they have that look and I wonder if it’s because you’re all trying to protect my innocence or feelings. I need you all to stop doing that. If something’s wrong then I want you all to be honest about it, instead of walking around egg-shells or whispering to each other behind my back.”

Castiel stood up as his voice escalated.

“All my life, I’ve been an outsider, I’ve been alone and it’s because I was different. I was weird and I’m not afraid to deny it however, I didn’t care. I didn’t care about those people who picked on me or bullied me because they never bothered to understand. But I care about you. All of you. Because you all accept me for who I am however the last thing I want is to feel excluded by my own family. By the people I love and care about. I love you all so much and I wish you could be more honest with me because it’s no different than being alone.” All of a sudden, Castiel broke down to tears and Michael quickly got up and held his brother.

“I don’t feel like I belong and it was fine, it would’ve been fine because I got used to it however I finally have Sam and Dean. I almost forgot what it was like to be alone and I didn’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back…” Castiel cried and cried while Michael tightened his hold.  

“Oh god Castiel. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” Michael stroked his brother’s back and placed gentle kisses on Castiel’s hair.

It took a few minutes before Castiel broke off Michael’s hold to straighten himself out. He said, “it’s okay.” But Michael was unconvinced.

“I’m sorry. We never should’ve kept you in the dark.”

“It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to. I’ll understand.” Castiel gradually composed himself and wiped the snot off his face. “If you don’t wish to tell me something it must be for my own good. I trust you.” Even with wet lashes, Castiel tenderly gazed at Michael. “You have done so much for me. For all of us. If you need to keep a secret, then I understand. I respect your privacy and I don’t think I’m going crazy at least.” Castiel chuckled while wiping his nose with his sleeve.

“No it’s not alright…you are…you deserve to know the truth.” Michael muttered as he felt the darkness spread in his heart and pulsing in his veins. Michael stared into Castiel’s eyes and remembered his mother. She had Castiel’s deep blue eyes which reminded Michael of the ocean. Vast and mysterious.

Unlike his which reminded others of dusk, as Luke fondly mentioned every now and then.

He felt clarity even though his heart beat slowed down and his pulse weakened. What he was about to say next could ultimately destroy his chance to ever finding such peace in Castiel’s eyes ever again. For he would not be able to look at his brother since.

“Hey Cas sorry I took a while Luke was just-,” Then out of the blue, Dean barged into Castiel’s room and stopped as soon as he noticed that Michael was there, holding Castiel protectively.

Startled, Dean stared at them both before turning to Castiel. “Are you okay Cas?”

“Yes.” Castiel sniffled. “Michael and I just need to talk about something, if that’s alright with you?”

Dean nodded. “Of course babe. Take as long as you want.” Dean answered before walking up to Castiel and planting a loving kiss on his lips. Michael was so close to Dean’s face that it something inside him started twisting. Not physically but it hurt nonetheless.

“I’ll be outside.” Dean held Castiel’s hand until his fingers couldn’t hold on. That painful feeling resurfaced and Michael had to clench his right hand into a fist to maintain composure.

Once the door was shut, Michael was left in the room with Castiel again.

“Michael…” Castiel grabbed his attention. “You were saying?”

Michael snapped out of his trance and met his brother’s glance. “Yes…the truth…”

If there was any time in the world to tell Castiel everything, this was it.

“The truth as to why I was talking to Sam…”

All the secrets and scheming over the years could finally be put to light and Michael would say it.

“And why everyone’s been giving each other suspicious looks…”

No one else deserved the spotlight more than Michael.

“Well the answer is actually quite simple really…” He had been destiny’s play toy for so long that he could finally be free. A window of opportunity finally presented itself.

“It started when Gabriel and Sam found out about my secret love affair with someone from awhile back…”

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “Who?”

If Michael imagined standing at the edge of a cliff, this was what it would feel like.

“It was…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes it's a cliffhanger and I'm a bastard.


	22. Chapter 22- Season of Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael gives Luke an offer he can't refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael didn't lie.  
> Not entirely.

**-Michael-**

Dean.

It was the name that was about to leave Michael’s mouth and enter Castiel’s ears. Michael speculated different scenarios on how Castiel would react once he heard his boyfriends name. First there was confusion followed by a moment of realization, which subsequently leads to anger and hatred. As a result, Michael would make the decision of leaving his own home. Perhaps travel around the world with Luke or not as he will definitely be bitter for everything that’s happened.

Or maybe, just maybe, Castiel would forgive him for what happened. Maybe his brother would not be as spiteful to what happened. After all, it happened many years ago and Michael could reassure him that his feelings toward Dean no longer existed. For the old Dean, yes but for the current one- Castiel had no competition.

However, it wouldn’t erase the fact that Michael’s relationship with Castiel would change forever. He had already caused some damage before by blackmailing Dean however Castiel forgave him because Michael didn’t act on it and admitted his mistakes. This time around however, Gabriel and Sam became part of the dilemma. All in which went back to Michael at the end of the day.

“It was…” The chaos in Michael’s mind suddenly went clear for one person whose shadow peeked under the door. They removed him from Castiel’s ocean blue eyes until there was only one person’s face floating in Michael’s thoughts.

Dean.

This was Michael’s window of opportunity to tell the truth but he-

“It was nobody.”

-wasn’t going to take it.

“No one you know.” Michael answered and Castiel nodded. He wasn’t lying. Not entirely. Castiel didn’t know how the old Dean was like.

“Oh.” Castiel looked away before turning back to face Michael. “Was this awhile back?”

Michael heard the question but he didn’t respond.

“A few years ago I mean. Back then, I remember that you weren’t at home as much. You always went out and you were…different…”

Michael raised an eyebrow at the last part.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I do not mean different as in a bad way, I meant- happier.” Castiel said but he left something out. Michael could feel it but he didn’t make any of it.

“I see.” Michael muttered.

“Could you tell me her name?” Castiel asked then stammered. “Or him?”

Michael felt chills down his spine. “It was a him. And I don’t think it matters.”

“Yes it does. If it wasn’t that big of a deal, then why did you go through all that trouble just to hide it. Why won’t the others say anything?” Castiel asked and Michael’s chest ached.

“Because I told them not to, and because it was too long ago that I thought it wouldn’t matter now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Castiel asked. “Why didn’t you tell me before that you were seeing someone?”

Michael breathed deeply and gripped his knees tightly until his knuckles were white.

“No one was supposed to know. It was my secret to bear because I was afraid.” Michael looked at the palm of his hands. “I was supposed to be taking care of you, all of you, since father left.”

Michael leaned forward and covered his face in shame for only a moment. Then he removed them and stared at wall opposite Castiel’s bed. “I had this assumption that you, Anna and Gabriel have this image of a perfect brother in your minds. And if you were to find out that I was more interested in being with someone else, that the perfect image in your minds would shatter. That I would be no different than our father. That I would disappoint you. It was my greatest shame as I was neglecting my duties to you all.”

Michael’s hands were shaking but then Castiel’s gentle hands stopped them. His brother was staring at him but Michael wouldn’t move his gaze. He merely stared at the wall, at the emptiness. To hide the terror in his face.

“There you go again brother.” Castiel leaned in to rest his head on Michael’s shoulder. “You are always thinking of what’s best for us. Or what’s best for others. But you never think about yourself.”

Castiel tenderly stroked Michael’s back and burrowed his face on Michael’s bicep like a cat. He was always so affectionate to Michael like this. Whether it be Christmas morning or a lazy afternoon, Castiel curled into a ball next to Michael, no matter how old he got.

 “That’s not true Castiel. I’ve had my fair share of being selfish.” Michael corrected as he remembered the times when he threatened Dean.

“That doesn’t count…not entirely…you were doing what you thought was best for me even though it was wrong.”

At least Michael and Castiel were on the right page.

“It wouldn’t bother me if you mentioned or said that you were in a relationship with someone.” Castiel said and this time, Michael turned to his brother. “I may have been young but I understand that sometimes, you need attention outside our family. We were left behind and you had to handle so much. It was only fair that you wanted some escape. Even if it was in the arms of another person- I wouldn’t hold it against you.” Castiel murmured and wrapped his arms around Michael’s left arm. He purred like a cat and Michael patted Castiel’s hair as he usually did when they were like this.

“That is…very mature of you Castiel. I shouldn’t have underestimated your maturity back then.” Michael said guiltily. “I think I was trying to preserve your childhood innocence. I still wanted you to be that boy who cried out to me when you have nightmares.” Michael pulled his baby brother in to kiss his forehead. “I didn’t want to accept the fact that you were more grown up than children at your age because it meant that soon, you wouldn’t be needing me anymore.”

Then he remembered the time when he had to cancel his date with Dean because someone bullied Castiel. He remembered carrying his baby brother in his arms and letting him sleep next to him that night. Castiel clung onto him as if his life depended on it and Michael felt like crying at the realization that his brother loved him very much.

“I need you, Michael.” Castiel said. “I do need you and I always will. You were always there for me when everyone else left.” Castiel didn’t say their father or Anna but Michael heard the implication. “You are the best brother anyone could ever have and I hope you know that. I hope you never forget.”

Michael and Castiel stared into each other’s eyes for a while before the sound of the word ‘forget’ echoed in Michael’s skull.

“Thank you Castiel, however I’m not perfect because I lie to you. I lie about so many things-,”

“Yes but there is always a reason. I know there is.” Castiel nuzzled his face on Michael’s shoulder. “I forgive you for not telling me.”

Michael heard Castiel sniffle. “I want you to know that I’m here for you and that I’m always ready to listen. If something is bothering you, then please don’t hesitate to tell me because I trust you with all my heart.”

Guilt churned inside Michael’s stomach again and he had to bite his lip to resist.

“Then could you do something for me?” Michael asked and he got Castiel’s full attention.

“Anything. Anything Michael.” Castiel said and Michael wished he hadn’t said that.

“Don’t tell anyone about this. About my relationship with someone years ago. Even if you hear Gabriel and Sam talk about it, do not listen and tell them not to talk about it.” Michael placed a hand on Castiel’s thigh.

“Why?” Castiel asked in genuine curiosity.

“Because it’s complicated. And I wish to move on. I don’t find any use in dwelling on dead memories.” Michael said and Castiel deeply frowned.

“What happened between you two? With your relationship?” Castiel asked and Michael smiled in defeat.

“It wasn’t going anywhere. It was only a summer affair and nothing more. Seasons change Castiel and so does a person.” Michael threw an arm over Castiel’s shoulders.

“I see.” Castiel wondered before asking another. “Did you love him?”

Michael had to stop and wonder about the question for a moment. So far, Castiel was convinced by his lie however, gradually, Michael started to voice the truth.

“I did. I really did.” Michael answered and Castiel nodded. “Then I shall keep to myself.”

They let a moment of silence pass before Castiel broke it off.

“I’m happy for you.” Castiel said and Michael raised an eyebrow. “Not from the fact that your relationship ended but from knowing that you were able to love someone very much. Someone outside the family. It helps me understand and respect you even more.”

A swell of relief and warmth spread across Michael’s chest as he heard Castiel’s sweet words.

“Thank you brother. You must know by now that you are the most important person to me and no one else.” Michael gave Castiel a peck on the cheek and his brother made a pleased sound. Michael noticed that Dean’s shadow was still under the door so he decided that it was time to leave.

“I think you can let Winchester in. He’s been standing out there for quite some time now.” Michael said and Castiel nodded.

His brother got up and opened the door to let Dean inside.

“Hey Cas…” Dean said before glancing over to Michael. “Is everything alright?”

Castiel beamed at Michael before turning to face Dean. “Yes, everything is more than okay.”

Michael got up and straightened his back. “Well now, I’ll leave the two of you be. I have important matters that need attending.” Michael brushed passed Dean and gave the older Winchester a look.

There was something in Dean’s expression that didn’t quite sit well with Michael however, it no longer mattered for at this moment onwards, Michael missed his chance.

However, he was certain to take responsibility of it. And responsibility, he did.

***

 

“All of you should be under no illusion as to why I summoned you all here.” Michael sat on his father’s seat in the study while Luke, Gabriel and Sam stood before him. Michael clasped his fingers together as he stared Luke down.

“What illusion? I think you’re the one in here who’s under an illusion brother.” Luke said with a cheshire grin.

“Shut your mouth Luke.” Michael said but he expressed it with as little anger as possible. Luke seemed unaffected by Michael’s tone, judging from him swinging back and forth with his heel however, Michael was going to see the end of it.

“Today, Castiel almost discovered the truth, along with Dean. Now while I was trying to see how much Castiel knew, Dean barged into the room and mentioned that Luke spoke to him.” Michael narrowed his eyes at Luke.

“I thought you needed some moral support.” Luke grinned and Michael’s patience was running out.

“I see you enjoy watching me struggle, Lucifer?” Michael asked and he rarely used Luke’s real name.

“Enjoyment is a matter of perspective.” Luke bit out and Michael stared at his brother for a long moment.

“Luke here thinks it is time to let Castiel and Dean know about my past affairs. As you all know, I asked you to keep it a secret for the sake of keeping the peace in this household.”

Luke interjected. “Oh please! Don’t mistake peace with silence! We all know why you really don’t want Castiel and Dean to know. You’re afraid that your pride is gonna get crushed when Dean rejects you again and Castiel won’t ever look at you in the eye.”

“This is not about my pride- this is about doing what’s right!” Michael slammed his hand on his desk and got up to challenge Luke’s face.

“Doing what’s right? I know I’m the devil but have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You would rather hide the truth from your sibling than risk changing how he sees you. This is just old classic Michael, causing drama because you’d rather be tangled up in a web than be free.”

“Freedom comes with a price Lucifer. Not everyone can afford your way of living.”

“Ah yes, the perfectly old argument about how you're daddy’s good soldier because you stayed while I left and became the devil!” Luke exclaimed. “Well guess what Mikey? Not everyone can afford a life like yours either!”

“What does that supposed to mean?” Michael harshly asked.

“It means, some people prefer not to live in denial and be in some twisted Stockholm syndrome relationship with your ex! Who is by the way dating your baby brother!” Luke shouted and Michael had to intervene.

“That is enough!”

“Everyone was given a chance to do whatever they want Michael, but you chose to stick around and watch your love life be taken away. That’s not the Michael who I used to know, right now you’re just- pathetic. Weak and insignificant. Can’t believe I helped you with your problems all those years ago just to see you turn into this. You became Castiel and Dean’s little bitch.”

Michael was about to get up and punch his brother in the face. He could do it and he had done it before. However today, he chose a different approach.

“It would seem that it has come to this.” Michael sighed in despair as he opened his father’s drawer and pulled out an envelope.

“What’s that?” Gabriel broke his silence by asking.

“What is this you ask?” Michael waved the envelope in the air and placed it right in front of him. “It is information mailed to me by one of my contacts. The envelope contained information to Anael’s whereabouts. Pictures were included.”

Gabriel and Luke’s face was covered in shock while Sam grew confused.

“Anael? Who’s that?” Sam asked and Gabriel interjected. “Anna. Our younger sister.” And Sam’s face formed the same expression as the others before.

“You’re lying. You couldn’t possibly have found our sister.” Luke shook his head in disbelief.

“You think I’d lie about this?” Michael said and placed the envelope on the desk in front of him.

A few moments passed before Luke’s cocksure smile gradually shifted into a frown.

“Is it really her? You found her?” Luke asked but Michael needed to move on.

“I wouldn’t have shown you if it wasn’t true.”

Luke narrowed his eyes and finally Michael got the reaction he needed.

“Where is she?” Luke asked and Michael shook his head.

“I won’t tell you.”

“Tell me, where is our sister.” Luke bit out and a smile formed on Michael’s face. Michael leaned back to his seat and rested his elbows on the armrest.

“Why should I tell you?” Michael asked and Luke gritted his teeth.

“She’s our sister dammit and she- last time I spoke to her, she said she had a lead on where father was.” Luke said and Gabriel’s expression grimaced at hearing the news.

“Anna knows where father is?” Gabriel asked and Luke glanced at Gabriel for a moment before returning to glare at Michael.

“She claims she does but I don’t know who’s telling the truth anymore since Michael won’t tell us where she is.” Luke accusingly pointed at Michael.

“Michael-,” Gabriel turned to Michael. “Why won’t you tell us? Anna could lead us to father and we could finally see him!”

Michael sighed deeply and frowned. “As I said before, freedom has a price. However, freedom can be taken away so easily. What I have in my possession is something more important than freedom. After all, you have acquired freedom already, brother.” Then Michael’s eyes made their way to Luke who was at the brink of snapping.

“Michael just tell us!” Gabriel cried out and Luke held an arm to block his brother from stepping closer.

“There’s no point brother, can’t you see that the envelope has been opened and it’s empty?” Luke pointed out and Gabriel’s eyebrows scrunched up.

“It’s empty?”

Luke gave Michael a challenging stare before realizing what Michael was trying to do. “Yes, the envelope has been opened and the contents are hidden some place safe. Somewhere where you and I can’t reach because Michael doesn’t trust us. He knows that we’ll try to get our hands on the information as soon as we leave this room.”

Gabriel and Sam looked at each other with baffling expressions. Michael on the other hand, flipped the envelope’s seal open and showed its emptiness.

“Luke is right. I don’t trust you.” Michael opened father’s drawer and placed the envelope inside. “I don’t trust any of you at the moment, not unless I can guarantee that I have your cooperation.”

“What does he mean?” Sam asked Gabriel but Luke stepped forward.

“He means your silence.” Luke bitterly said and Michael nodded.

“I have something that each and every one of you want but I can take it away just as easily if one of you reveal the truth to Castiel and Dean.” Michael stood up and fixed his spectacles. “I wish it didn’t have to come to this, however Luke’s actions today had made it difficult to place my trust on other people. Particularly those who are frequent to change their minds.” Michael snapped Luke a glare and his brother’s nose flared.

“But we promised you that we won’t say anything.” Gabriel and Sam said at the same time but Michael’s eyes remained fixed at Luke.

“I didn’t promise anything.” Luke commented. “And this is why Michael is punishing me in front of you.” He said and Michael crossed his arms.

“Very well. It’s been a while since I saw Godfather Michael. What do you want from me?” Luke asked and Michael deepened his stare.

“I need you to go away.” Michael said and Gabriel’s mouth went agape. “I need you to go away for a while and have zero contact with Castiel and Dean. You will not utter a word about my past affair and you will drop all your plans and efforts on revealing the truth.” Neither Sam nor Gabriel said a word.

“For how long?” Luke asked.

“Until Castiel leaves school. By then, he will no longer need to be in my stead as he will earn his share of our parents’ inheritance. He can do whatever he wants with his life and it will not matter so much whether or not he knows about my past affair with Dean.” Michael sat back down on his chair. “After all, father’s orders were clear, we all get our share once we graduate from school. Isn’t that the freedom you long for, Lucifer?” Michael asked and he made sure to remember the fury in Luke’s face.

“Once all is in place, I will give you Anna’s whereabouts. Perhaps by then, you won’t need to look for father. I might know where he is by then.” Michael said and Luke deepened his glare.

“So my freedom of speech for information?” Luke asked and Michael leaned forward with his hands clasped together.

“Think of it as divine order.” Michael replied and Luke sniggered.

“Oh you are good Michael. You are- the best of the best!” Luke shouted and it made the others flinch. “I wish I could punch that perfect face of yours.”

“You’re welcome to try.” Michael provoked but Luke merely made faces.

“Will that be all darling brother?”

“That’s all.” Then Luke stomped to the door while Gabriel and Sam followed. The couple had guilty eyes that stared at Michael with intense fear. On the other hand, Michael leaned back into his seat and felt even more alone in his quest for denial than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Godfather Michael is back because desperate times call for desperate measures.


	23. Chapter 23- Ideals and Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You did nothing wrong.” Michael’s nerves twitched but Dean seemed unconvinced.
> 
> “I don’t believe you.”
> 
> Michael rolled his eyes. “Then that’s your problem.” He was about to retreat to the kitchen when Dean grabbed his arm again.
> 
> “We’re back to that?” Dean called out and Michael stopped. “Are we back there? I thought we were friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very grateful for all the comments, kudos and subscriptions for this story. 
> 
> My readers, you are a great source of my motivation and inspiration to write. 
> 
> <3

**-Michael-**

The next day, Michael noticed an insurmountable tension between him and Gabriel. Luke packed his things and left without saying good-bye, not to Michael at least. When Castiel asked why Luke didn’t say good-bye to him, Gabriel almost glanced to Michael before looking away in fear, so Michael lied and said that Luke needed to catch a very early flight even though he knew that his brother hated flying unless the sun was high up in the sky. Once Castiel accepted the explanation and left, Michael tried talking to Gabriel who quickly excused himself.

Michael couldn’t help but blame himself for this tension. He knew his methods were quite brutal therefore he tended to keep it from his siblings. He had only shown this side of his personality in several occasions, such as the time before Dean and Castiel discovered their feelings for each other. However, he was protecting Castiel’s virtue and avenging him. This time, Michael blackmailed Luke out of selfishness.

He reminded himself every time Sam went over and averted being in the same room as him or when Gabriel snuck into the kitchen to make his own food and declined to join Michael and Castiel during meals. Castiel didn’t notice anything different in Gabriel and Sam’s behavior however he did notice that Michael grew more despondent and asked how he was. Michael feigned a smile and told his brother that he was okay before deciding to confront Sam and Gabriel about everything after lunch.

In the afternoon, Michael walked upstairs to Gabriel’s room and knocked on the door. Gabriel asked who it was and Michael answered, asking to come inside. Gabriel opened the door for him but he didn’t look at Michael in eye, instead he bowed his head. When Michael walked inside, Sam did the same and Michael felt a pang of regret as he watched his brother and Sam tremble before him. They sat side by side while Michael stood by the closed door.

“I must admit, there has been some tension between us. Hence why I am here, I intend to avoid any future speculations from Castiel by confronting the issue now and early.” Michael said but neither Gabriel nor Sam said a word or move.

Michael sighed as regret corroded his spirit, he walked over to Gabriel’s desk and leaned on it so he could close the distance between the couple and himself. Perhaps this would make it easier to alleviate the tension.

“Brother, please look at me.” Even though Michael asked softly, Gabriel still trembled until his fearful eyes met Michael’s.

“I do not like it when there is conflict between us. I wish to let you know that I did not really mean those things I said in father’s study. They were simply empty threats to get Luke in line. He had to be stopped.” Michael explained and Gabriel nodded.

“Okay…” Gabriel muttered under his breath and Michael’s heart ached in guilt. He felt even less of a brother now to his siblings than ever.

“I’ll have you know that even though I think that you and Luke are cut from the same cloth, I trust you. I trust you because as you said before, you stayed while the others left. For that I am grateful and I would never deliver you the same treatment that I inflicted Luke.” Michael said before moving his gaze to Sam. “Similarly to you Sam, I trust you and I would not actually harm you in any way. You are Castiel’s best friend and had gradually become a friend to me. Neither of you wish to harm me and I appreciate that. I really do.”

Michael admitted however it didn’t change the frightened expressions on the couple’s faces.

“Gabriel…Sam…please come downstairs, I do not wish for Castiel notice that there is conflict between us. He had already confessed that he was growing suspicious based on the looks you two share with the other-,”

Gabriel interjected. “When did he say this?”

“Yesterday while I was in his room, he told me that he noticed you and Sam were sharing looks which usually meant that something was being left unsaid or spoken behind his back. It did not help that Luke had Dean barge into the room however I dealt with the situation and removed any threats before the damage became irreparable-,”

“We’re sorry.” Sam blurted out and Michael paused to raise his eyebrow.

“I beg your pardon?”

Gabriel got up and blocked Michael’s view of Sam. “What Sam is trying to say is that- we’re sorry if we nearly got your secret out to Castiel. We’ll have you know that it was not intentional.”

Michael furrowed his brow as he was at a loss. “You do not need to apologize. I understand that it is quite a heavy burden to bear and I cannot ask you to be as well-adjusted as I am. I had years to get over it while the two of you found out only recently. I should be grateful that you two are still trying your hardest.”

Gabriel shook his head. “But we’re still sorry. You have nothing to worry about, we’ll keep your secret and we’ll stop acting suspicious. C’mon Sam, let’s go downstairs…” Gabriel turned to the younger Winchester and headed to the door. They still wouldn’t look at Michael in the eye.

“Hold on.” Michael said and the two stopped. “You don’t need to apologize. I was the one who was out of line yesterday. You two were only doing what I tell you to do.”

Sam didn’t say anything but Gabriel did. “We know. We’re only doing what you tell us to do. But we’re also taking the blame for what happened.”

Michael shook his head in disbelief. “Why would you do that?”

“Because…” Gabriel thought carefully of what he was going to say next. “If it’s the only way we can convince you that we don’t plan on telling Castiel the truth, then so be it. We’d rather get on our knees and submit to you than have you rid us the way you did Luke.”

Michael stepped forward to loom over his brother.

“I told you they were empty threats, Gabriel. I wouldn’t actually use my resources against you or Sam. It was different with Luke-,”

“How?” Gabriel interrupted. “How was Luke’s intention different to what Sam said before? Luke was only thinking about your happiness.”

“No he wasn’t and it’s not the same!” Michael bit out but Gabriel look unconvinced.

“Michael, we both know that it’s only a matter of time before me or Sam become a threat. When that happens, you’ll get rid of us in the same way as you got rid of Luke, your own brother.” Gabriel reached for Sam’s hand and gripped it tight.

Michael looked at the couple in bafflement. “You don’t trust me?”

“We do.”

“Then why?” Michael’s eyes went glassy.

“Because like you said, you don’t trust us. I don’t blame you. Sam and I are like Luke in a way. So instead of promises, we want you to know that we’re afraid. We’re afraid because it’s the only way to reassure you that we won’t talk.” Gabriel and Sam walked over to the door and Michael’s brother opened it.

“You’re my brother Michael but sometimes you can be someone else. Sometimes I worry that being your brother is not enough and it scares the shit out of me.” Gabriel said before leading Sam out of the room and closing the door behind them. Michael was left by himself.

All alone, he covered his face with his hands to hold back the tears.

***

 

After the talk with Gabriel, Michael went to the gym and took his time. Instead of crying about what Gabriel said, he sweat it off until his muscles ached. He used his music to drown Gabriel’s words however they didn’t do much. His brother’s voice resonated in skull like a ghost haunting a person.

When he was finished, Michael retired to the parlor to try and clear his head. It was no use as Gabriel’s words stung like bee’s sting and if he was allergic, he’d be dead by now.

He was so caught up in his thoughts to notice Castiel standing before him.

“Michael?” Castiel called for him and Michael looked up. His baby brother gazed at him so much concern that it hurt.

“C-Castiel…my apologies. I was deep in thought.” Michael admitted and it deepened Castiel’s frown.

“Is something the matter?”

Michael faked a smiled of course. “Nothing’s wrong. Do you need anything brother?” he reached for Castiel’s hand and pulled his baby brother into his lap out of habit. Castiel was usually latched onto Michael in some way, especially at times when-

“You’re upset.” Castiel muttered and Michael didn’t even notice that his brother’s back was toward him while Michael’s lips trailed little kisses on it.

“I’m sorry-,”

“You lied. You always do this whenever you’re sad about something.” Castiel turned to his side to glance at Michael. Even though Castiel was an adult, his slender frame was small in comparison to Michael’s hulking body so it was no trouble letting him sit on Michael’s lap.

“I’m sorry again…” Michael apologized and Castiel shifted so his back rested on Michael’s front.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to do something today. Just the two of us.”

“We could-,” Michael answered but Castiel wasn’t finished.

“However you’re sad about something. Don’t lie. I can tell.” Castiel said and Michael knew his brother was right. Growing up, Michael couldn’t seek the comfort of his parents and his other siblings were distant from him. The only one who embraced his affection was Castiel. His baby brother who cried to him when he wet his bed.

“I was just thinking about some things…” Michael confessed vaguely and it made Castiel’s eyebrow raise.

“Is this about Luke?” Castiel asked and Michael kudos his brother for almost getting it right.

“It’s relative.” Michael responded and his thoughts returned to Luke and Gabriel’s words and expressions. They continue to haunt him even though he had Castiel to comfort him.

“Would you like a massage?” Castiel asked and Michael snapped out of his thoughts. “Remember that I always give you massages whenever you were stressed?” Castiel asked and Michael remembered.

“No it’s okay-,”

“Please Michael. I insist.” Castiel’s face turned to the side so Michael could see his pleading eyes. How could Michael ever resist his baby brother?

“Very well.” He conceded and Castiel delightfully got up and lead Michael to the couch. Father’s chair had a tall backrest so Castiel couldn’t reach Michael’s back. However, the couch had the perfect height. Castiel rolled his sleeves up and started with Michael’s shoulders.

“I know you relax more whenever I give you massages.” Castiel said and Michael felt pleased with his brother’s fingers loosening the knots under his skin. “Dean like my massages too.” Castiel added and Michael scoffed to himself.

“I’m _sure_ he does.” Michael sniggered.

“Michael please…” Castiel tapped Michael’s shoulder and Michael apologized.

“Don’t worry Castiel, no matter how old you get, you will always be my baby brother.”

“You make us sound so old without even trying.” Castiel commented and Michael chuckled.

“It comes with being an adult, baby brother.” Michael said and Castiel went quiet.

“Someday, I’ll probably sound the same.” Castiel said and it caught Michael’s attention.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked but Castiel didn’t answer and instead, he kept massaging.

“Castiel.” Michael deepened his voice to sound commanding. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Castiel’s fingers stopped for a moment. “It’s just- you and Dean are very similar.”

Michael’s eyes blew wide open in surprise and if Castiel saw it, he would definitely speculate.

“Care to elaborate?” Michael asked and Castiel dug his elbow on Michael’s back, sending waves of pleasure to Michael’s otherwise panicked nerves.

“You and Dean both grew up raising your siblings. You raised us and Dean raised Sam and I feel as though the two of you have matured exponentially. On the other hand, there’s myself.” Castiel’s voice dropped at the end. Michael faced his side to look at Castiel who had a deep frown.

“Whenever there is a bullying incident at school, you are always there for me. Dean told me that he used to do the same for Sam because his parents couldn’t afford to skip work. All my life, you’ve catered to my needs whether or not I asked for it, and Sam told me that he felt the same toward Dean. Even if we don’t need it, you and Dean are our safety nets, to catch us when we fall.” Castiel muttered and his fingers didn’t rub on Michael’s back to massage him, instead he trailed them over Michael’s muscles like what he did when he was deep in thought.

“I’m afraid that I can never keep up. With you and Dean. I’ll never be as mature and as caring as you two will ever be. And it worries me because I love Dean very much…” Castiel whispered and Michael reached back to grab Castiel’s trembling hands. “I’m scared that one day, Dean won’t see me as worthy and that I don’t deserve him-,”

“Don’t speak like that.” Michael had to interrupt and ordered Castiel to come to his side of the couch. “Come here.” Michael held Castiel’s hand and guided his brother to sit on his lap just as he did when he was seven.

“Do not ever, think of yourself as any less.” Michael said with his eyes fixed on Castiel who stared into empty space. “Look at me.” Michael ordered and Castiel timidly moved his eyes to his.

“You are a kind, compassionate, smart and mature young man Castiel. If mother were here, she would be very proud. As proud as I am of you.” Michael said and Castiel’s eyes were glassy.

“Do not compare yourself to others as it blinds you in seeing how wonderful you are in your own way. Instead of chasing ideals, I believe it would be best if you look right here.” Michael pointed at Castiel’s heart. “Inside is something more valuable than my maturity or Dean’s. You don’t need to keep up with anyone because what most if not, what everyone is looking for is already entrusted inside your heart. It’s something very precious and you should never let it disappear.”

Michael traced a finger on Castiel’s cheek to wipe a tear away. “Your family is very proud of you. Especially me and I hope you don’t forget. Sam Winchester has the best friend in the world and Dean Winchester is a lucky man. For he loves and he is loved by the kindest angel I know.” Michael smiled and planted a tender kiss on Castiel’s drying cheek.

“Thank you Michael.” Castiel finally smiled and kissed Michael on the cheek before hugging him tightly. Michael meant the words he said and no one could tell him otherwise.

“Now I need you to rid of those nasty thoughts. You know I hate seeing you cry.” Michael ordered and Castiel nodded with a chuckle.

“I’ll stop. Just for you brother.”

With that, warmth spread throughout Michael’s chest.

“Good.” Then Michael stroked Castiel’s back. “And besides, once you finish school, you’ll have all the time in the world to search for yourself and the freedom to do so.  Our family has bestowed you enough wealth and resources to spoil generations.”

“Michael.” Castiel whined but Michael wasn’t going to have any of it.

“It is the truth. You will have enough money to live comfortably and no one will stand in your way. I’ll make sure of it.” Michael nudged his brother’s arm. “As long as I’m alive, no harm will come to you. So Dean better think carefully before breaking your heart.” Michael narrowed his eyes at empty space. He imagined Dean’s cocksure smile and bow-legged stride. “If he breaks your heart, I’ll break his bones. Every single one.”

“Michael!” Castiel slapped his brother in the arm and Michael chuckled. He then started tickling Castiel until his baby brother was breathless. He claimed it was payment for the massage and Michael hadn’t laughed so much in a very long time.

Despite Michael’s depression, he could always rely on Castile to give him warmth and comfort. There was a time when someone else used to give him that.

Unfortunately, that person was long gone.

***

 

For the rest of the afternoon, Michael prepared dinner. Castiel was in his room with Sam, working on something for school. Even though Sam and Gabriel were still tense around him, Michael tried not to let it get to him. He simply thought about the good things in his life which was Castiel at this point. His baby brother’s smile warmed his otherwise stone cold heart and he arduously prepared burgers for dinner because Castiel loved burgers. Michael also brought the boys some snacks earlier however he knew it wouldn’t spoil their appetite. Not when he was making one of the best burgers in the world, quoted Castiel.

He was just about to summon the boys when the Impala roared outside. The door-bell rang at the exact moment that Michael expected. He waited to hear Castiel’s footsteps which usually followed after.

After a few seconds, he still hadn’t heard them.

The doorbell rang again and Michael wondered what was taking Castiel so long.

Michael was going to ignore it especially since Dean was at the door and he was the last person that Michael wanted to see. However, the doorbell rang again and this time Michael dropped the bread knife on the counter.

He walked to the door and opened it to find Dean Winchester in all his leather and denim marvel, who stood right before him. If Michael wasn’t in bad terms with Gabriel and Sam, he’d have a bright smile on his face. Unfortunately, he was not in the mood.

“Hey Michael.” Dean said followed by a cocksure smile that wrenched Michael’s core with a conflict of delight and anger.

“Hello Dean.” Michael said coldly before leaving the door open and Dean walked inside.

“Just here to see Cas. Said he needed to talk to me.” Dean said with a grin but Michael maintained a cold expression.

“Okay.”

“How you doing?” Dean asked with a wink. Michael raised an eyebrow but he didn’t dwell on it more and instead, he moved his eyes toward the stairs before returning them to Dean.

“Castiel should be here soon. You can wait in the living room until then.” Michael suggested before turning to the door but Dean called to him. “Something wrong?”

Michael spun around to face the other man. “Nothing’s the matter.”

“Are you sure?” Dean raised an eyebrow.  “Then why have you got that look on face?”

“What look?”

Dean stepped closer to get a better look. “The look that says you’re annoyed at me about something.”

“You’re doing it again.”

Michael narrowed his eyes and looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Even to Michael, it sounded sarcastic. Dean was quiet but his eyes challenged Michael as they stood there for what felt like forever. “What’s your problem?” Dean asked just before Michael could excuse himself.

“I have to go.” And Michael had to force himself to stop looking.

Just as he was about to turn, a hand gripped his arm and tugged him.

“Look did I do something wrong?” Dean harshly bit out and his face is scrunched up in frustration.

Michael flicked Dean’s hand away but the other man kept going. “Because yesterday, I thought we were cool then all of a sudden you’re giving me weird looks.”

“You did nothing wrong.” Michael’s nerves twitched but Dean seemed unconvinced.

“I don’t believe you.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Then that’s your problem.” He was about to retreat to the kitchen when Dean grabbed his arm again.

“We’re back to that?” Dean called out and Michael stopped. “Are we back there? I thought we were friends.”

Michael sighed as guilt curdled in his stomach. He turned around to meet the Winchester’s furious gaze.

“We’re-” Michael stammered to get the words out. He was afraid that if he stared at Dean any longer, he’d lose his composure. The seconds were dwindling away just as Dean’s patience did but fortunately for Michael, there was divine intervention.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel arrived and pulled Dean in for a kiss on the lips.

“Hey babe.” Dean returned the gesture but his glare remained transfixed at Michael. Before Castiel could notice, Dean averted his gaze and tenderly turned to his boyfriend. Castiel stared lovingly at Dean before turning to Michael.

“Thank you for letting Dean inside, I was on my way down but Gabriel needed to tell me something.” Castiel explained and Michael nodded.

“It’s no bother. I was just preparing dinner.” Michael muttered and he felt Dean’s eyes stab daggers into his skull.

“You wanted to talk to me about something?” Dean turned to his boyfriend instead and Castiel fidgeted for a moment.

“Let’s go upstairs.” Castiel said before turning to Michael. “We’ll be down shortly.”

Michael nodded and saw Dean look at him for one last time before they disappeared upstairs. He wasn’t really sure what he was going to say to Dean earlier. He knew it was unfair that he was being bitter because Dean didn’t know, however he couldn’t possibly spill his whole life to the Winchester.

That would be stupid. The current Dean was not the old Dean and Michael needed to remind himself every time he addressed the Winchester. Michael’s current problems are toward the old Dean and the current one shouldn’t have to take his nonsense. However, Michael was hopeless when it came to the Winchester.

Maybe for now, he should steer clear.

***

 

It didn’t take long before Michael set the table for everyone. Since Dean was here, he assumed that he would be joining them. It wasn’t that Michael wanted the Winchester to join them out of pleasure. This was merely being hospitable and Michael needed to erase the fact that Dean had tasted his burgers before and absolutely loved it back then.

So he straightened the table cloth for about the fiftieth time now before he got the courage to step out of the kitchen and summon his siblings and guests.

Just before he reached the stairs, Michael heard shouting and a door slamming upstairs. He flinched at the suddenness before he kept walking, until he heard heavy footsteps marching down the stairs.

It was Dean and the Winchester brushed passed him to get to the door. Followed by a wailing Castiel.

“Dean- Castiel- what is going on?” Michael asked but neither one of them answered.

“Please don’t go, Dean please forgive me- we can talk about this!” Castiel pleaded and Dean shook his head. He didn’t look at either Michael or Castiel who was clinging onto him for dear life.

"We've talked Cas. It's over!" Dean hissed.

The Winchester ripped himself away and continued marching toward the door. Castiel grabbed him once more but Dean shoved him to the floor and stomped away, this time Michael couldn’t stand idly by.

“What the hell?” Michael bit out and helped Castiel get up before following Dean out the door. Castiel wailed and ran after to stop Michael.

“Michael wait! Don’t go after him!” Castiel cried out and before Michael could get back to chasing Dean, the Impala’s door slammed shut and the engine turned on. Dean quickly drove out of the drive way then into the neighborhood.

Michael gritted his teeth before turning to his brother who had fat tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Castiel, what is the meaning of this?” Michael asked but Castiel wasn’t paying attention. Instead Michael’s brother hunched and held his elbows as he chanted.

“It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.”

“What happened?” Michael asked and shook Castiel to snap him out of it.

Castiel’s teary eyes slowly gazed upon Michael before more tears started to roll out.

“Dean…he- he broke up with me…” Castiel managed to get out before wailing into Michael’s arms. Michael’s eyebrows scrunched up as he wondered about what just happened.

Impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not over. Not really ;)
> 
> I can't wait to write the next chapter so stay tuned.


	24. Chapter 24- Tangled Strings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of you want some answers however I'm a tease so here's a snippet of what I have in store for Michael and everyone.

**-Michael-**

“I need answers.” Michael straightforwardly said to Gabriel who sat on mother’s seat, next to father’s chair where Michael sat.

After Castiel confessed that Dean broke up with him, he didn’t wish to elaborate as to what happened. Instead, his baby brother confessed that he didn’t have the energy to talk tonight and wished to go to bed. Michael allowed him of course, despite anger and confusion gurgling in his stomach, compassion got the better of him. He walked Castiel inside, only to find Gabriel and Sam right at the door awaiting them. Castiel looked at the couple for only a second before bowing his head and continued walking up the stairs. Michael leered at the couple and gave them a look that demanded for an explanation as to what just happened. He knew Gabriel and Sam knew something for they were calm despite witnessing what just happened.

When Michael and Castiel reached the top of the stairs, he led his baby brother to his room. He waited until his baby brother finished getting changed before tucking him in. Michael leaned down to plant a kiss on Castiel’s forehead before saying good night and leaving the room.

Fortunately, Gabriel was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs and asked Michael to talk to him in the parlor where they were exchanging solemn looks.

“You wanna know what happened just then.” Gabriel clarified and Michael rested his elbows on his knees.

“I wish to know the reason as to why Dean broke up with Castiel and weigh the punishment for his crime.” Michael narrowed his eyes and clenched his fist. Despite his history with Dean, he was Castiel’s eldest brother and the Winchester assured Michael that he would never hurt his baby brother again.

“Really Michael? You don’t even know what happened and you assume that it’s Dean’s fault?” Gabriel accusingly hissed at Michael which surprised him a little.

“If it’s not his fault then why is Castiel in tears?” Michael asked but Gabriel glared before he answered.

 “Because reality finally caught up with Dean and Castiel’s relationship.”

Michael raised an eyebrow, confusion intensified even more.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked to hopefully hear the answer to silence his soul.

“It means, Castiel and Dean finally need to adjust their relationship to some upcoming changes in order for it to survive.”

“Changes? What changes?” Michael was getting impatient in waiting.

“It’s complicated.” Gabriel raised an eyebrow and it made Michael raise his voice.

“Tell me!”

The room went quiet as Michael’s fingers curl to make his hands into balls of fists.

Gabriel had a dead-eye look, one that Michael had only seen in his brother Luke. A pang or regret tried making its way into Michael’s attention however he was awaited Gabriel’s voice more than anything at that moment.

“As you know, Sam and Castiel are graduating soon. Being smart little nerds, they started planning for their futures.” Gabriel started and Michael straightened his back. “Sam told me that he was going for a scholarship to study law…at Stanford University.”

Michael’s heart dropped as he began to realize where this was going.

“With his grades, I’m sure he’s gonna get in but there’s also Castiel.”

Suddenly, Michael felt as if the walls of the room started to close around him. Almost as if his thoughts were taking him someplace else where he could only hear Gabriel’s voice but everything else was changing.

“Castiel wants to go there with him and since our parents left him enough money to buy a country, he could get in with no issues. He might even go for a different scholarship with his grades.” Gabriel said and Michael reached for his chest and felt his heart ache.

“C-Castiel…Castiel is leaving?” Michael asked but Gabriel didn’t say anything. “Our brother, he’s- he’s leaving us…” Michael repeated but Gabriel didn’t respond.

All of a sudden, Michael felt his world fall apart again and he wondered when it was ever going to end.

In a blink of an eye, Michael found himself in a different room. He wasn’t in the house anymore but it seemed familiar. The furniture was arranged in a way that he had seen before. Suddenly, he turned around to find Dean standing right behind him. However, it didn’t look like the current Dean. No, he looked slightly younger.

This was the old Dean.

And Michael was standing in their apartment suite. He remembered something significant happened in this place. He could almost remember it if Gabriel’s voice hadn’t called him back to reality.

“Michael.”

Michael snapped out of his trance and noticed that his brother was looking at him with a deepened glare.

“Don’t look so surprised. Sooner or later, you knew you were gonna let Castiel go someday. I can’t say you’d be that sad about Sam leaving but you know what I mean…” Gabriel muttered and Michael almost nodded until another thought came to his head.

“How about you? Aren’t you upset that Castiel and Sam are moving all the way at the other side of the country?” Michael asked and he answered his own question before Gabriel could open his mouth.

“You’re leaving…” Michael muttered and Gabriel kept his mouth shut. “You’re leaving me to go with them.”

Gabriel didn’t answer or nod his head but Michael didn’t need confirmation. The guilt in Gabriel’s eyes was enough confirmation. Michael felt his world grew darker even more.

“I didn’t say anything sooner because I was waiting for the right time but then this happened and now, it’s all out in the open.” Gabriel confessed and Michael was having a difficult time breathing. “I think Dean’s having a hard time accepting that Cas wants to live on the other side of the country while he’s here.”

“Can you blame him? His loved ones are abandoning him!”

“They’re not abandoning him! They’re just thinking of their futures! Castiel doesn’t have any other friends aside from Sam and I’ll be there. I’m not exactly sure why Dean broke up with Castiel but I assume it’s because long-distance relationships aren’t exactly his thing. Neither for me.”

Michael slumped in his seat as he gathered his thoughts. The room was spinning like a wheel and it keeps spinning until he was dizzy.

“How could you do it?” Michael asked softly. “How could make such big decisions without realizing the repercussions?”

“It’s not set in stone Mikey! Well not for Castiel I think…he’s probably gonna stay now that he knows how much it upsets Dean just knowing that he’s moving away…”

“Could you blame Dean? His whole life is here while his loved ones are abandoning him!”

“Castiel and Sam are not abandoning him! Sam will be visiting and Castiel’s not sure yet! Why don’t we cut the bullshit for a second Michael and address the real issue here?”

A tense moment of silence passed before Gabriel started speaking again.

“I don’t know how you could do it Mikey. Stay here and be constantly reminded of memories. Painful ones. Even the good ones while mother was alive are starting to hurt. I don’t know how you could sit on father’s chair and not feel so chained up by the past.”

“Did you hear that from Luke?” Michael interjected. “You’re starting to sound like him.”

“No.” Gabriel shook his head. “This one’s on me…”

A wave of tension swept the air and Michael longed for his mother’s touch. She’d always sooth him whenever he felt like this. Instead of his mother, Gabriel was there but even he was going to disappear from Michael’s life.

“I’ve been meaning to look for a reason to leave for quite some time now. I thought I was never gonna find a reason to escape this house.” Gabriel continued and Michael was returned to reality. “Then Sam happened and I can finally see a future where I don’t have to constantly be sad about what happened to our parents. To how we grew up. Luke and Anna knew-,”

Michael winced at hearing his siblings’ names.

“They knew living here with you, with how you set everything up so that it felt like as if father never left and mother was replaced by Castiel-,”

“Gabriel-,”

“It’s the truth! Don’t deny it Mikey! As far back as I can remember. You’ve always followed daddy’s footsteps and treated Castiel like as if he was the most important thing in the world because that was what dad wanted from you. That’s what he wanted from us. He wanted us to keep going and keep living as if mom never died and you taking his place. Please tell me you’ve noticed that at least. Father couldn’t stay with us anymore because everyone knew, Castiel was starting to look like mom and he couldn’t stand it!”

“Gabriel enough!”

“He couldn’t stand the fact that he became an empty shell of a man since mother died so he left us and forced you to grow up and take his place!” Michael lunged forward and gripped the collar of Gabriel’s shirt.

“Shut up! I said shut up!” Michael hissed and got spit on Gabriel’s face.

“Look how great you turned out to be brother. From dad’s soldier, you turned into him. A perfectly heartless God-wannabe control-freak!”

Out of rage, Michael punched Gabriel’s face, slamming his brother to the ground with a loud thud. Gabriel’s leg accidently kicked mother’s chair over. As soon as Michael saw his brother and mother’s chair in a pitiful state, regret filled his veins.

“I’m sorry…” Michael muttered and dropped to his knees to pick Gabriel up. “I’m sorry brother…”

“No you’re not…” Gabriel wiped his mouth which bled profusely. “You’re sorry for punching me but you’re not sorry for being the way you are.”

Michael tried helping his brother get up but Gabriel flicked his hand away and Michael didn’t help anymore.

“You can’t deny I was wrong.” Gabriel stated as they both stood up. He glared at Michael while tears rolled down Michael’s cheeks.

“As soon as Dean broke up with Castiel, you automatically assumed that Dean was in the wrong because Castiel was in tears. Dad’s orders are so programmed in your skull that you don’t even notice it.” Gabriel muttered and Michael wanted to retort something back however the words never left his mouth.

“Is this how low your opinion of me?”

Gabriel paused to carefully think of what to say next.

“How could I not? You were in love with a guy yet as soon as he forgot you, you didn’t bother-,”

“Oh we’re back to that again?” Michael almost mouthed Dean’s words from earlier. “How is that relative to this? Your argument is as irritating and repetitive as a broken record!”

“Let me finish dick bag!” Gabriel sneered and usually Michael would never let his brother insult him in such a way. “When Dean lost his memories, what did you feel?”

Michael was taken by surprise by the question.

“I told you already.”

“No you didn’t.”

“I did.”

“No you didn’t, you lied!”

Michael scowled and the words rose from his chest to the tip of his tongue.

“He broke my heart!”

“Bullshit.” Gabriel snickered in disbelief.

“You insult me brother?” Michael’s nose flared.

“Have been since we started but thanks for noticing.” Gabriel sarcastically noted before leaning in to say something else. “I don’t believe you were heartbroken brother. Not in the usual sense but you were disappointed.”

“How?” Michael growled out in confusion.

“Disappointed by the fact that when Dean lost his memories, you lost a puppet!” Gabriel hissed and Michael’s expression slowly shifted from rage to pained.

“All of us! Me, Castiel, Sam, Luke and Dean. We’re all just puppets to you! You pull the strings and force us to do whatever you want. When we don’t do what you say, you yank our strings and when you get tired of us, you’ll get rid of us! Just like what you did to Luke!”

If Michael thought that his world was falling apart earlier, it was now set ablaze. The fire consumed his very soul and left nothing but ashes in its path.

“At first I thought you wanted to keep Dean’s memory a secret because Sam and I thought that you weren’t over him however the truth was even more simple. You never loved Dean. He was just a puppet to do your bidding and when he became faulty, you let him go. You did it, because you’re the Godfather Michael. Remember why Anna and Luke left? They wanted to be free. Because you don’t know how to stop being controlling. Everyone and everything is leverage. You’ll always be manipulative and calculating. You’ll always be alone!” Gabriel shouted before running out of the door and slamming it shut.

It took a few seconds of silence before Michael realized that most of the things that Gabriel said was wrong. However, the fact that the first thing that he thought was critiquing Gabriel’s arguments just went to show that in the end, Gabriel was right.

Michael didn’t know how to let go and stop controlling. All his life, this was the only way he knew how to function. He used to obey but when that was finished, he only knew how to control. Just as his father did all those years ago.

At the realization of this, Michael started to cry. He wailed and moaned in misery as no one, not his parents nor his siblings could comfort him and tell him that Gabriel was wrong.

In his head, he told himself that he wasn’t a control freak and that he truly loved Dean. Dean wasn’t a puppet, neither was Gabriel, Sam, Luke and Castiel. He loved them but after hearing Gabriel’s words, he had difficulty believing himself.

When he finished crying, he went upstairs to his bedroom and found Castiel sleeping soundly in his bed. Michael remembered that Castiel used to sneak in his bed whenever he was upset. Michael always let him of course. And he hoped that Castiel didn’t hear his conversation with Gabriel.

It was an eventful day and Michael no longer had the strength to get changed into pajamas. Instead, he pulled his blanket over himself but made sure that Castiel was under it as well.

In the darkness, he tried to clear his thoughts as his cheeks dried and his breath hitched.

***

 

In the morning, Michael woke up to find Castiel’s arms and legs wrapped around him. His baby brother snored snuggly on his chest while Michael watched for a moment to appreciate his brother’s affections. He wasn’t lying when he said that he was going to look after Castiel no matter how old they got. However, Gabriel’s words flickered in his mind and taunted him. They made his chest ache and mind boggle in despair. So he closed his eyes and prayed for the demons in his thoughts to be purified but to no avail.

He never wanted to see Castiel as a puppet, however he had a history of using his brother for blackmail and somehow, Gabriel’s words grew louder.

“Michael?”

Michael snapped out of his thoughts to find Castiel looking up at him.

“Castiel- did I wake you up?” Michael muttered and Castiel shook his head.

“You were thinking too loud.” Castiel said and buried his face on Michael’s chest.

“How are you feeling?” Michael asked but Castiel didn’t answer. There was an elephant in the room and Michael needed to address it.

“I spoke to Gabriel last night.” Michael muttered and Castiel looked up to meet his eyes. His baby brother had guilt heavy in his eyes. “He told me about Stanford.” Michael muttered miserably.

Castiel whimpered and burrowed his face in Michael’s chest.

“I’m sorry.” Michael heard his baby brother say. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Then Castiel started crying and Michael cooed his baby brother.

“It’s okay. Don’t cry. I’m not mad.” Michael reassured but he was sad. At least with Castiel, he could be sure that he still had emotions.

“You have every right to be. Dean was mad…. he was so mad that he broke up with me…”

“He shouldn’t have…” Michael stopped himself. “He shouldn’t have broken up with you like that-,”

“I deserve it.” Castiel cut him off. “I broke his heart Michael. I was the one at fault.”

Michael stroked his brother’s back and planted a kiss on his hair.

“No you’re not and I hate it when I see you cry, you know that.”

Then he kept stroking before asking another question. “If you were only thinking about going then why did Dean break up with you? Nothing is set in stone. Wasn’t that why you were talking to me about making big decisions yesterday?”

“You’re right. I wasn’t going to-,” Castiel sniveled as he tried to get the words out. “I wasn’t going to go unless I speak to Dean first…” Castiel kept sobbing and Michael heard Gabriel’s voice pierce in his skull.

_‘You’re a heartless God-wannabe control freak.’_

“Go on.” Michael swallowed and beckoned Castiel to continue because he didn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts.

“I told him that I wasn’t going to go anymore but Dean got mad and told me that I should go because it was the right thing to do…. he told me that I shouldn’t hold myself back for him. That I shouldn’t give my future up for someone like him.”

Then Michael felt a memory tug his heart in which he quickly pushed it down so there was only space for his baby brother.

“But I also got mad and told him to never talk about himself like that. I always get angry whenever he talks himself down, you know I do.” Castiel muttered and Michael nodded once.

“I tried telling him that he was worth giving college up but he didn’t believe me. He started to say hurtful things and I don’t really want to repeat them. I wish I could forget- this is all my fault! It’s all ruined because of me…” Castiel sniffed and curled his knees. Michael felt as if something inside him shattered. As if all the windows of the house burst into pieces.

“Don’t cry. You did nothing wrong.” Michael said as he wiped the tears off Castiel’s cheeks.

There were a million things he wanted to share to help his baby brother. There was a maelstrom of it, however he chose one.

 “As much as I don’t want you to go, I agree with Dean that you’re doing the right thing by thinking of your future. It is part of being an adult and I must admit that I am having such difficulty in grasping it because I still see you as my baby brother. The Castiel who slept in my arms and who I gave hugs whenever he was sad however…” Michael cleared his throat for a moment. “Dean’s wrong to think that you would give him up so easily. The Castiel I know fights for is right.”

Castiel looked up and muttered, “I’m still that Castiel. I can still be him.”

Michael chuckled softly. “I know. But you’re also growing up and I need to remind myself that you should be allowed to make big decisions. Out in the big bad world, I won’t be there to hold your hand when you’re scared. I need to learn how to let go to teach you how to be an adult.”

“You don’t have to. You have so much to teach me and I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”

“You _are_ ready. The fact that you’re already starting to make big decisions for your future, is enough to indicate that you understand the concept of compromises. It’s the sign of being an adult.” Michael beamed at his brother who almost smiled back.

“But I don’t want a future if it didn’t have Dean in it.” Castiel said and Michael’s heart sank even more.

“Then fight for him.” Michael mustered all his courage to blurt out. “Prove to him that you truly wish to be with him despite everything.”

Castiel agreed but he didn’t have to say anything. Michael could see it in his brother’s eyes.

“It’s complicated. Making big decisions I mean. It’s more difficult than I thought. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that it’s really over between us and Dean won’t take me back-,”

Michael had to cut him off.

“Do you love him?” Michael asked even though his chest was starting to hurt. Not because of Castiel’s weight but because of the burning jealousy inside.

“Castiel, answer me-,”

“I do. Without a doubt. I do love Dean.”

“Then that’s all the resolution that you need.” Michael commented before wrapping his baby brother tightly in his arms.

“I told you yesterday that I’d never let anything or anyone harm you. I shall speak to Dean-,”

Castiel shifted closer to his face. “You’re not going to hurt him are you?”

Michael’s heart almost dropped again at hearing that his siblings still feared him like the Godfather.

“No. Not anymore since I’ve spoken to you.” Michael kissed Castiel on the cheek and his baby brother relaxed on his chest. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Michael you don’t have to. You always help me more than enough actually.”

“Nonsense. I promised you that as long as I’m alive, nothing bad will ever happen to you.” Michael leaned down to kiss Castiel’s hair and it made Castiel squeamish.

“Thank you.” Castiel uttered under his breath as he closed his eyes to sleep for a little more.

Michael simply hummed a lullaby. One that his mother used to sing to all his siblings. A few more seconds pass and both Castiel and himself were asleep again.

***

 

Throughout the day, Michael took care of Castiel. Despite being upset by what Gabriel said to him last night, Michael placed Castiel’s needs before his. Speaking of which, Gabriel was not at home. He was probably over at Dean’s. Castiel mentioned that Dean was also upset by the fact that Sam was leaving. However, he was aware that Gabriel intended to follow Sam wherever he went.

When Castiel asked if Michael was upset that Gabriel was leaving, Michael merely brushed it aside. He said he was fine even though his soul was getting crushed inside.

Michael hated it. He hated the fact that his life was like this. No matter how hard he tried, his loved ones always leave him. He could never do anything right.

He was prepared to give them everything. He was prepared to give them the world.

However, they didn’t want him.

Perhaps Gabriel was right, maybe he would always be like this.

That he would always be alone.

“Michael.” Castiel called his name and snapped him out of his thoughts. They were sitting on the couch in the parlor and reading, as a distraction.

“Y-Yes brother?” Michael asked and Castiel’s frown deepened.

“Don’t lie. I know you’re upset that Gabriel is leaving.” Castiel said. “You or Gabriel may not say it but I know when something is bothering you two. And I don’t like it when you underestimate my intuition. Please know that I worry about you as well. It’s not just the other way around.” Castiel explained and Michael nodded.

“Yes. I’m sorry, you are right. I am upset that Gabriel plans to follow Sam wherever the younger Winchester chooses to go.” Castiel heard Michael say before sighing.

“It’s admirable actually. I admire their relationship…Gabriel and Sam’s.” Michael heard his brother confess. “They love each other very much and to prove it, Gabriel will move to the other side of the country just for Sam.”

A gentle smile formed on Castiel’s face before he added. “When Sam spoke to me about his decision to take the scholarship, he told me that he wanted to prove to himself that he can be great and when he does, he wanted to give Gabriel the world.”

Michael heard then watched as Castiel gazed at empty space. “Is that what you want?” he asked his brother.

Castiel looked up and met Michael’s gaze. “Do you wish to give Dean the world?”

“Yes, with all my heart.”

Michael felt the sting of jealousy prick his heart again however it was mixed with pride toward his brother. Castiel had so much heart, unlike him as Gabriel pointed out.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think Dean wants my heart anymore.” Castiel softly muttered before nestling beside Michael. “Maybe I should just go for the scholarship.”

“Don’t say that.”

“He hasn’t answered my calls or replied to my texts. It’s over. I know it is.” Castiel sobbed out and Michael cooed his brother.

“No it’s not. Just give Dean some time. He’ll come around.” Michael reassured and Castiel shifted to look at him in the eye.

“Are you sure?”

“Have faith.” Michael said before kissing Castiel on the forehead.

“What if he doesn’t?” Castiel worriedly asked.

“He will. Trust me. Have faith in me.”

The smile on Castiel’s face brought hope in Michael’s core. He would not see it snuffed out.

At dusk, Michael and Castiel had an early dinner since Gabriel wasn’t answering Michael’s calls and texts. As the sun sets and darkness cover the earth, Castiel wished to go in his room to try and contact Dean or Sam. He was confident that he’d reach the other.

On the other hand, Michael had other plans.

He checked his phone and got the message which he had been waiting for since he finished washing dishes.

**_He’s here._ **

Michael shoved his phone back into his pocket and walked toward the stairs to find Castiel. Michael bid his baby brother good-night as he was going out to meet with someone. Castiel didn’t ask who as the depression clouded his eyes. Michael’s heart ached for his brother but he wasn’t going to let Castiel be sad for very long.

He loved his baby brother and he didn’t care about what Gabriel said anymore. He may be a control freak but he was a good brother, to Castiel at least. He intended to bring a smile back to Castiel’s face.

To do that, he needed to face Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially this chapter was meant to include Michael's confrontation with Dean but I'm saving it up for the next one.


	25. Chapter 25- Michael, Misunderstood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Promise you won’t tell anyone?” Michael asked and Dean crossed his fingers.
> 
> “Scout’s honor.”
> 
> “If Gabriel hears about this-,”
> 
> “I won’t tell em! You didn’t tell them about my secret did you?”
> 
> Michael shook his head. “No.”
> 
> “Then we’re cool.”
> 
> Michael looked away from Dean for a moment. He knew he had no leverage or back-up plans should Dean correspond to Gabriel about this, however, if he was going to be able to reach Dean through this then so be it. Castiel’s happiness was at stake.
> 
> “I’m not- I wasn’t always so…as you say…refined.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been broken into 2 because it's freaking long. Writing flashbacks take up most of the word count and I'd rather post this now and save the rest for this weekend. 
> 
> Additional Tags: Depression, Hurt Dean, Hurt Michael, Smoking, Alcohol Abuse.

**-Michael-**

Michael drove to Benny’s bar to find a very sullen and depressed Dean Winchester, drinking shots at this time of the night.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit too early for shots?” Michael pulled a chair next to Dean who gave him a scowl.

“Are you lost? What do you want?” Dean grumbled out and Michael tried to put up a friendly font.

“To talk.”

Dean slammed the shot glass down and cleared his throat.

“I don’t wanna talk to you.”

Dean was about to leave his seat when Michael gripped his left shoulder.

“I think you do.” Michael said and Dean groaned in irritation.

“You know what? Cut the crap and get lost- I don’t have time for your reverse psychology bullshit.” Dean shrugged and flicked Michael’s hand away.

“Dean sit down.” Michael ordered but Dean merely fixed his jacket and headed to the back. Michael groaned in frustration and ran after the other man.

Dean stood outside with something hanging off his mouth. A cigarette. Dean didn’t smoke but he was lighting one now.

“Get rid of that.” Michael flicked the cigarette off Dean’s mouth.

“Hey I told you to get lost asshole!” Dean shoved Michael’s shoulder and dropped down to pick up the dirty cigarette before Michael lunged forward and snatched it off his grasp and snapped it in half.

“Castiel is not going to have an alcoholic as a boyfriend nor a smoking one.”

“Cas and I are over moron.” Dean bit out before reaching in his pocket for his box of cigarettes. “Unless he forgot to tell you.” Dean placed another one in his lips and lit it up.

“He didn’t forget.” Michael replied as Dean inhaled a long drag before blowing it in his face.

“Cool.” Dean said and turned his back to Michael. “Did he also mention that he’s gonna move out with Sammy at the other side of the country? They wanna study at Stanford. Pretty fancy huh?”

“No, Gabriel told me that.”

“Ah Gabe.” Dean scratched his temple. “He’s going with them. He’s more than happy to go. Traitor. Said he’d been meaning to find reason to get away from you. Oh-,” Dean paused. “I forgot I wasn’t supposed to mention that bit. Sorry Gabe.” Dean sniggered before pulling the cigarette back to his mouth and taking another drag.

Michael didn’t respond to the last part however he kept his eyes fixed sat the Winchester. Dean glanced back then inhaled another puff. “How’d you know I’d be here anyway?” Michael knew Dean was trying to divert the conversation.

“I have my sources.” Michael replied and Dean raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you, now?”

“Actually no, I suspected a number of places that you would be. By chance I found you in the first place I looked.” Michael lied, Benny told him that Dean was in the bar.

“Good for you buddy.” Dean gave him a thumbs up before sucking another drag of smoke. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone.”

“Dean…” Michael called but Dean turned the other way and looked at the road.

“I’ve come to ask as to why you broke up with Castiel.”

Dean stood still for a moment and stared at empty space.

“None of your damn business.”

“It is because he’s my brother.”

“Go ask him then. There’s no point in you being here.”

“There is.” Michael stated adamantly. “My brother’s happiness significantly matters to me…” Then he added. “Also, I do not wish for him to leave.”

“I hope you two will be happy together.” Dean sarcastically said with a smirk.

Michael couldn’t ignore the tension in the air but by now, he should be used to it. There was always tension between him and Dean, even before all of this started.

“Those things will kill you.”

Dean pulled the cigarette out of his mouth to inspect it. “Yeah, but lots of things will.” Then he flicked it to get rid of some ash. “For now, this shit helps me relax and if you don’t wanna second hand smoke then I suggest you walk away. Stay far away.”

“Or I could convince you to stop smoking otherwise I shall pry that cigarette off your hand and get rid of the rest.” Michael threatened.

“Come and try.” Dean spread his arms out to taunt Michael. When Michael didn’t move an inch, Dean crossed his arms and puffed another smoke. “Didn’t think so.”

“I grow tired of playing games with you.”

“Then get lost. I don’t even know why you’re still here, if you wanted to know why I broke up with Cas then go ask him. I don’t see the point in you being here. I’m starting to think that you care.” Dean mumbled.

“I do care-,”

“Bullshit you do.” Dean cut him off. “Yesterday you hated my guts and now you’re standing over there telling me not to kill myself. Can you be a little vaguer?”

“Dean yesterday-,” Michael was about to explain what yesterday was about but then that would be telling him about blackmailing Luke, Sam and Gabriel. “I had a lot of things in mind yesterday…”

“Still not an excuse to be a dick to me. Do I look like your punching bag or something? I was trying to be nice and you were being a complete ass.” Dean pointed his cigarette at Michael.

“I’m sorry.” The apology flew out of Michael’s mouth so naturally. “I shouldn’t have behaved that way…”

Dean scanned him from top to bottom just to see if he was being sincere. Of course Michael was and when Dean realized this, he cleared his throat and kicked the dirty ground. “It’s all cool. I forgive you.”

The sounds of the city invigorated the night as Michael felt the night air brush his face.

“I’m happy for them. I really am.” Dean muttered and Michael’s eyes blew wide open.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m really happy that Sam and Cas are doing this. Studying at Stanford, moving on with their lives.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” Dean paused to stare at empty space. “They’re gonna do great things and become amazing people. On the other hand, there’s me. Good for nothing alcoholic son of a bitch who fixes cars for a living and smokes sometimes.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“It’s true. Sammy and Cas could be doing a million other things if I wasn’t there to hold them back. They’d be great at what they do. Sammy in law and Cas in medicine. They’ll save lots of lives and protect people.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“At least I’ll have my baby. I can go visit them from time to time. Y’know, in between my job and drinking or smoking my life savings away.”

Michael stepped forward and slapped Dean across the face.

“I said. Shut up.” It took a few seconds before Michael realized what he had done. “I’m sorry. But I will not have you talk about yourself in such a way.”

The cigarette in Dean’s mouth was now on the ground and there were still some left. Instead of retaliating, Dean merely reached down into his pocket to grab another.

“I don’t blame ya for being pissed. Everyone gets a taste of the real mean Dean every now and then.” Dean lit the new one and sucked deeply.

“If you got some sense in you, I suggest you go with your brothers. If not, then just don’t talk to me. I’m a mess after all.” Dean chuckled but Michael didn’t find this funny.

“You think this is funny? Saying such horrible things about yourself won’t solve any problems.”

“Then slap me again, if that’s what you really want. Or maybe kick the shit out of me. I’d let you.” Dean grabbed ahold of his cigarette and leaned forward.

“Stop it.” Michael snatched the cigarette off Dean’s hand and threw it on the ground. “Wallowing in self-pity won’t take you anywhere and neither will this!” Michael stomped on the cigarette and squashed it.

“If you think so lowly of yourself then what does that make me?” Michael barked the question at Dean’s face. “You, incomprehensible ass! You’re not the only one who’s going to be left behind. Soon, all my siblings will leave me and I will have no one. I no longer have Luke or Anna and now I’m about to lose Gabriel and Castiel. So before you start voicing your internalized hatred and undertaking self-harm, I need you to know that other people are going through the same ordeal!”

Dean’s expression maintained an uninterested expression. “As if you know anything about what I’m going through! Maybe with Sam yes but not with Cas- you’ve never-you don’t know what it’s like to have to give someone up for their own good!”

“Dammit! Yes I do!” Michael shouted then immediately regretted as soon as the words left his lips. He took a few steps back away from Dean and stared at the ground where the squashed cigarette lost its flame.

“You do?” Dean raised an eyebrow and Michael swallowed as panic surged through his veins.

“You’ve been in a relationship before?” Dean asked and Michael quickly shook his head.

“Never. Forget what I said just then.” Michael looked away but Dean’s eyes wouldn’t stop trying to meet his.

“Nah I don’t think so buddy. The look on your face says it all.” Dean crossed his arms and waited until Michael turned to face him.

“This was a mistake…I shouldn’t have come here.” Michael turned to the road and went to it when suddenly, a hand gripped his arm and green eyes suddenly met his.

“Hold on there, buddy. We’re not done yet.” Dean stated then Michael flung his hand away.

“Yes we are.”

“No, you gotta tell me about what you said just then- about giving someone up.”

“No it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“If you shouldn’t then at least tell me why.”

“It’s private.”

“So were some of the stuff I shared to you before.” Dean retorted angrily. “See, this is what I don’t get- how come I tell you stuff that I haven’t even told Cas, yet you can keep things from me. I never mentioned that I was in coma for months a couple of years back to Cas, except to you, but I’m not allowed to get a teeny bit of information about you. It doesn’t seem fair, dontcha think?”

“I can keep things from you because I can. I didn’t force you to share anything with me. You said them out of your own volition.”

“I told you my secrets because you are a friend. Isn’t that what friends do?” Dean asked and they stared each other down until Michael’s expression softened.

“You are my friend…” Michael mumbled as he was afraid to see Dean as anything else.

“But I’m not allowed to know more about you? Is that it? Is that how’s it supposed to be?”

The bombardment of question rendered Michael speechless on the spot. When Dean couldn’t get an answer, he shook his head and looked away before pulling his case out for another cigarette. He shoved the box down his pocket and took the lighter out.

“Sorry for asking. Don’t force yourself to share what you don’t wanna. Just-just go. Don’t waste your time with me. You’ve got enough problems to deal with and don’t make me add to it.” Dean clicked his lighter and lit his cigarette to suck in a long drag.

“Dean you’re not a- you’re not a problem…” Michael muttered but Dean just stared at the wall.

“Really? Because I feel like I do.” Dean sounded hurt at the admission. “I’m not sure what I did to make you not trust me. And I’ve been trying my damnest so that you do. I mean before I broke up with Cas, I thought that taking care and treating Cas right would be enough proof to trust me but I guess not. Maybe it’s because I’m just not as refined as you and Cas…” Dean tapped his lip to wonder.

Michael sighed as guilt made his heart ache. He looked up to gaze at the moon which was coincidentally peeking between the roofs of the city’s buildings.

He took a deep sigh before walking over to Dean’s right and leaning against the wall. He held out his left hand and turned to face Dean.

“What?” Dean asked as the cigarette hung on his left hand.

“May I have one?” Michael asked and Dean raised an eyebrow before he shifted his gaze at Dean’s cigarette, urging the Winchester to realize.

“Thought you said smoking kills you?” Dean handed Michael one and held out a lighter when the cigarette was hanging off Michael’s mouth.

When the first embers burned, Michael sucked deep and felt his lungs fill with lung cancer inducing air.

“So will other things- your words not mine.” Michael replied before blowing his smoke to the corner of his mouth.

“Well well well, goodie two shoe Michael knows how to breathe in lung cancer.” Dean and Michael chuckled at the same time. Michael gazed at the burning cigarette and suddenly he felt elated. He was sure it wasn’t because of the smoke.

“This is a bad idea…I really shouldn’t.” Michael contemplated but he wasn’t sure whether he was talking about the cigarette or the fact that he was about to give in to Dean’s whims. He was always a sucker for Dean. However, being next to Dean and talking to him like this, it brought some strange effect to him.

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” Michael asked and Dean crossed his fingers.

“Scout’s honor.”

“If Gabriel hears about this-,”

“I won’t tell em! You didn’t tell them about my secret did you?”

Michael shook his head. “No.”

“Then we’re cool.”

Michael looked away from Dean for a moment. He knew he had no leverage or back-up plans should Dean correspond to Gabriel about this, however, if he was going to be able to reach Dean through this then so be it. Castiel’s happiness was at stake.

“I’m not- I wasn’t always so…as you say…refined.” Michael said and breathed more smoke in.

“I could tell.”

“You could?” Michael raised a speculative eyebrow.

“Mhhm. You seemed so perfect that it’s not hard to imagine a flaw in you.” Dean admitted and Michael was surprised.

The old Dean almost said the same thing many years ago. Around the time they started seeing each other.

“What can you see?” Michael asked while his eyes and Dean’s met.

“You tell me.” Dean said before clearing his throat and looking at the ground before returning to look at Michael. “Maybe this time, you can tell me what I’m supposed to see.”

Michael smiled softly.

“Well….”

**-Three Years Ago-**

(There was a time when I didn’t put my siblings before everything. And during that time I wasn’t the most patient-)

“Why are you late again?” Michael barked out and Dean scowled at him.

“I told you- I had to drive all the way at the other side of the city and back. The traffic was shit. I even called you.”

Michael pursed his lips and rolled his eyes indignation. “Sure- blame it on the traffic.”

“What are you trying to say?” Dean raised an eyebrow and Michael looked for the waiter instead.

(Or the most refined, as you say.)

“Nothing. I’m tired and I’m hungry. I don’t want to fight- I just want to eat.” The waiter arrived on time and handed them both the menu. It was probably the tenth time that the waiter walked over to Michael’s table so Michael could only give a forced smile in return.

“Look if you wanna say something, by all means, I’m all ears.” Dean pulled the top of Michael’s menu down to grab Michael’s attention.

“Not now Dean.” Michael grumbled and flicked the menu back up.

“Yes. Now Michael.” Dean snatched the menu and slammed it on the table. Several people were beginning to stare but Michael’s attention focused solely on Dean. Michael had a feeling that the night would not end well if he responded however he was very hungry, he’d have more composure.

“Maybe if you stop flirting with your customers, you wouldn’t be stuck in heavy traffic.” Michael hissed and Dean scoffed in shock.

“Are you an idiot? I wasn’t flirting! Not unless I’m suddenly interested in a sixty-year-old lady living with two dogs!”

 “Don’t call me an idiot! I know how you talk to your customers at Bobby’s. I see how you look at them. Fixing their car’s probably not going to be enough. Soon you’d wanna stick your tool in other places as well.” Michael barked out.

“I was just trying to be friendly! That’s how they come back to the shop! I’m just trying to help Bobby’s business!’

“Oh as if! The only business that you wanna take care of is inside your jeans! That’s why you wanna keep them coming back for more!”

“Fuck you! Asshole!” Dean shouted and both him and Michael screamed a litanies of curses in front of everyone that they had to be escorted out of the restaurant. Instead of ending it there, they continued fighting to the streets. They didn’t care that people were giving them looks or were listening to what they were screaming. Besides, those who didn’t wanna hear could.

(I was insensitive, jealous, possessive and stubborn. I don’t know how or why he put up with me.)

***

**-Michael-**

“He?” Dean asked and Michael nodded.

“Yes I was in a relationship with a man. Got a problem with that?” Michael raised a sarcastic eyebrow and Dean laughed.

“Nope. C’mon! What kind of a question is that?”

“Well why were you shocked that it was a he?”

“I dunno. Seriously I just-,” Dean groaned in irritation and scratched his head. “I dunno why I was shocked.”

Michael carefully inspected Dean’s face to search for any malice however he couldn’t find any. It was a good thing he didn’t.

“Don’t worry Dean. Water under the bridge.” Michael snickered and took another drag while Dean did the same.

“So I guess you can say that I’m not that perfect.” Michael continued and Dean turned to face him again. “I had a taste of what it was like being selfish and I must admit, it was a very liberating experience.”

“Uh huh. So tell me more about this guy. The one who you were in a relationship with.” Dean asked.

“Why do you need to know?”

“Well it’s because this is the first time that you’re actually sharing something with me like _really_ sharing something about yourself. And I’m just glad…I’m glad that you’re not closing yourself off like you used to. Took me a cigarette and biting your ear off to get you talking.” Dean joked and Michael chuckled.

“It wasn’t the cigarette that got me talking Winchester.” Then Michael sucked in some smoke and gradually exhaled through his nose. “Maybe just a bit.”

“Mhhm. There we go.” Dean took the dying cigarette on Michael’s hands and threw it away before replacing it with another. “Have another.”

Michael smirked as Dean lit himself another before handing the lighter to him.

“What? Want me to light yours too?”

“No.” Michael chuckled before taking the lighter. “You’re a bad influence.”

“No more Cas. Bad Dean comes out.” Dean blew a smoke out.

“Very funny, I still think you’re together.”

“Stop changing the subject Michael. Tell me about the guy.”

“What guy?” Michael feigned ignorance.

“Don’t act dumb. The guy who broke your heart.” Dean snapped at him and Michael froze on the spot. He knew it was a bad idea mentioning his past affair and he was afraid that it could cause something inside Dean to remember.

“Uh…I almost forgot what we were talking about…” Michael felt trapped. “You’re a bad man, Winchester. Bribing me with a cigarette- some of us actually care about our health.”

“Yeah I know I’m bad. Now why don’t you tell me about this mystery fella.” The look on Dean’s meant that he was not going to let up. “What’s his name?”

“I can’t-,” Michael stammered. “Can we please talk about something else?”

“Not gonna happen. You either tell me more about him or we stop talking. Your call Cap.”

“Why do you call me that? I don’t remember being assigned to a ship or army division.”

“Because you’re built like freaking Captain America. Or like that Chris Evans fella in the movies…anyway, tell me!”

“No Dean.”

“Why not? Do I know him?”

Michael stopped as he wondered about Dean’s question.

“N-no…no you don’t know him. Your family didn’t live even here at the time.” He didn’t lie. He just gave Dean half-truths.

“If I don’t know him then why should it matter?”

“Because-,”

“Because what?”

Michael sighed in defeat. “We could call him something else. Perhaps a different name. Just not his. Please don’t let me say his name.”

Irritated, Dean was about to demand again but dropped it when he noticed the somber look on Michael’s face.

“Fine, we don’t have to name him but you’re gonna tell me more about him because it’s your turn Clarice, quid pro quo.”

“That doesn’t-,” Michael was going to correct Dean on his Hannibal Lecter reference when he realized that the Winchester was just going to call him out on trying to divert the topic.

“Fine…” Michael sighed again upon the realization that nothing much had changed. Dean was still as stubborn and persistent as ever and he was just as much of a sucker as back then.

“What would you like to know?”

Dean thought about it for a moment. “First of all, what was he like?”

Michael looked at Dean and almost mouthed the words, ‘like you’, before biting his cheek.

“He was stubborn and persistent.” Michael answered and emphasized the words for Dean to notice. “Thinks he’s funny when he’s not. But really he’s just cocky and arrogant.”

“Ha ha Michael. Very funny. Now could we get back to the guy you were seeing back then because I came out to have good time but I’m feeling so attacked right now!” Dean melodramatically placed the back of his hand on his forehead. Michael chuckled at both the action and his thoughts.

If only Dean knew the truth.

“He was like that as well. Overly dramatic and sensitive.”

“I am not sensitive!” Dean scowled and Michael laughed out loud. 

“I think you need to check a mirror to see your face and say those words again.” Michael said and Dean narrowed his eyes.

“C’mon, stop picking on me and get on with it!” Dean demanded and Michael chuckled again.

“He was also very bossy.”

Dean rolled his eyes in irritation. “If I didn’t know any better Michael, I’d say you’re obsessed with me.”

Michael snorted. “Dream on Winchester.” Then he continued. “He also gave me a lot of attitude…It was in his nature to deny nonsense both in speech and in action. Most of the time I just wanted to tear my hair off from how needy he was. He’d ask me to teach him all sorts of things. He was always up for doing something new. I felt like a mentor to him at times…and it was good feeling since my siblings didn’t want me to teach them anything. In fact, they didn’t want much to do with me.”

Even though Michael didn’t wish for Dean to see it, he couldn’t hide the frown that formed on his face.

“I know that feeling.” Dean admitted.

“You do?”

“Yep. I knew Sammy was too smart for his age but I didn’t realize just how much until he started to handle things on his own. It kinda sucks, y’know? The feeling of being useless to your siblings.”

Michael nodded. “Yes. Yes, it does.” Then he took another drag before while Dean kicked the dirt.

“He was really needy?” Dean asked and Michael nearly re-inhaled his smoke.

“Yes, as needy as a baby. When he was hungry, I fed him.”

_‘Michael, I’m hungry.’_

_‘Didn’t I tell you to order something?’_

_‘Yeah but I didn’t because I don’t think I’d finish it…could I have some of yours?’ Dean pleaded with puppy eyes._

_‘Ugh. Fine.’ In the end, Dean ate three-quarters of Michael’s meal._

Michael heard Dean’s and his voices reverberate in his skull. Memories of the time when he was in a restaurant with Dean started to flicker but he brushed it off.

“He doesn’t like getting lectured and at times, he would throw temper tantrums like a child.”

_‘This is why I tell you just to order even if you can’t finish it. You always end up eating almost everything on my plate!’ Michael scolded and Dean pouted._

_‘Well you said I could have as much as I want!’_

_‘I said it out of courtesy, I didn’t think you’d actually eat that much. Why don’t you just order?’ Michael asked._

_‘Because I don’t wanna! Why are you yelling at me for?’_

_‘Because I’m still hungry and if I get something else you might eat the rest of it!’_

_‘Are you saying I’m a pig?’_

_‘I didn’t say that! I said no such thing!’_

_‘Oh you didn’t have to say it but I knew what you were trying to say!’ Then Dean stormed off while Michael called him back._

_‘DEAN GET BACK HERE!’_

There it was again, another memory flickered through Michael’s thoughts but Dean didn’t seem to notice. The other boy simply stared at him with expectant eyes so Michael continued. “When he was insecure, I reassured him.”

_Michael managed to catch up to Dean who was walking the opposite way to their hotel._

_‘Dean, what’s your problem?’ Michael asked the scowling man and tried holding his hand._

_‘Don’t touch me!’ Dean pulled away and made a sullen expression._

_‘You’re being very difficult today.’_

_‘Yea well if I’m being difficult then maybe you should just dump me and leave. I’m a pig after all.’ Dean brushed past his shoulder and kept walking._

_‘Dean.’ Michael called out and ran in front of the other man. ‘You should know by now that if something’s bothering you, you tell me.’ Michael tried meeting the other man’s face but Dean looked away out of stubbornness. ‘Dean look at me.’_

_Michael placed a gently on Dean’s chin to make Dean face him. ‘What’s wrong?’_

_Dean’s face blushed a little and his posture slumped as if he was ashamed to share his problems._

_‘It’s just-,’ Dean stammered and his eyes started to get glassy. ‘I’ve been trying to lose weight alright? I really am but it’s really difficult.’_

_Michael’s expression softened as he knew where this was going. ‘You don’t need to; you look fine just as you are…’_

_‘But I don’t wanna look just ‘fine’. I’ve cut down on the booze and carbs just so I don’t hate myself every time I look at a mirror. I don’t have bulging muscles nor have I got time to go to the gym like you do. I feel like you could do so much better than me….’_

_Out of a bad habit, Michael slapped Dean across the face. The Winchester was taken aback and his mouth went agape in shock._

_‘Dean Winchester I will not have you talk yourself down in such a way.’ Michael’s eyes burned in fury. ‘You are wonderful and marvelous in your own way. I cannot- I can’t believe that you’d speak so lowly of yourself to my face. How dare you? You have no idea how much you mean to me and it makes me sick and very angry when I hear such nonsense come out of your mouth.’_

_Dean snorted in disbelief. ‘You’re just saying that.’_

_‘No I’m not.’ Michael hissed then took a moment to breath in order to regain his composure. ‘Look, I apologize for slapping your face however I cannot stand idly by while you degrade yourself in front of me.’ Michael stepped closer and reached for Dean’s hands to hold it close._

_‘You do not give yourself enough credit Dean.’ Michael’s eyes moved to inspect Dean’s hands. ‘These hands- they work harder than anyone I know and comfort me when my siblings give me grief.’ Then Michael moved Dean’s hands to his mouth and kissed them._

_Dean’s face reddened._

_‘You have the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen.’_

_‘Guys don’t call each other beautiful.’ Dean muttered and Michael chuckled._

_‘But they are. They squint when you laugh which is infectious by the way.’ Michael’s hand reached for the corner of Dean’s mouth and placed a thumb on it. ‘When you smile, it’s so warm that I forget about my worries and my sorrows.’_

_Slowly, Michael leaned closer until his face was but an inch to Dean’s face._

_‘And when I kiss you, I’m reminded of how much I love you.’ He whispered and Dean’s eyes blew wide open in shock._

_‘Y-you love me?’_

_Michael paused for a moment to reconcile with what Dean just asked._

_‘Kiss me and find out.’_

_And Dean did. He found out._

Michael froze as he remembered all those things. His heart ached as he stared into the same green eyes that looked at him with such affection all those years ago. Unfortunately, the affection was absent.

“Michael?” Dean retrieved his attention.

“Sorry…just memories…” Michael blinked a few times to try and stop himself from crying. He looked away in order to compose himself. He wasn’t going to cry. The last thing he wanted was to cry in front of the Winchester. When his eyes returned to Dean, the Winchester stood there with a dumbfounded expression.

“What’s that look for?” Michael asked.

“Nothing. Carry on. You were telling me more about that guy- I mean your ex…” Dean muttered before a chuckle escaped his throat. “From the sounds of it. He was a handful.”

“You have no idea.” Michael replied and he really wanted to say: ‘Actually, you do. He’s you after all.’ However, he kept it o himself.

“But you must really like him since you put up with his shit…Well at least you did.” Dean said and Michael bobbed his head unsurely.

 “We actually had a rocky start but afterwards we got along like a house on fire.” Michael stared at the dark alleyway and imagined the old Dean standing there listening to his words.

He looked down and kicked the dirt as longing began to spread from his chest.

Sharing this with Dean was liberating in a way. Michael didn’t worry so much about Dean’s memories, after all, he was only speaking half-truths. And the best way he knew how to hide something from somebody was to hide it under their nose. “We were young and hyped up on summer heat. If I were to meet my old self now, I’d punch him repeatedly in the face. Just as much as _he_ did…”

Michael grinned and his teeth felt the cool night air.

“Well I must confess, he drove me insane now and again…” Then he shook his head and chuckled once more. “But out of everyone outside my siblings, he could see right through me….”

His heart pulsed slowly and it felt like dropping in a pit of agony.

“He could see right through all the walls I put up. One look was all he needed-,” He faced Dean as he said this. “One look was all he needed and I was right under his thumb.”

Michael tried not to stare at Dean’s face for very long for even though the other man could not remember, he could see a trace of the Old-Dean in him. He knew it was just physical but the reminder hurt just as much.

_Dean woke up in the middle of the night to find at the edge of the bed with his hands covering his face._

_‘Babe…why are you awake?’ Dean crawled to Michael’s side. ‘What’s wrong?’_

_‘Nothing. It’s okay Dean, just had a bad dream. Let’s go to sleep.’ Michael brushed his lips on Dean’s scruffy jaw._

_‘What was the dream about?’ Dean asked but Michael crawled back to his side of the bed and didn’t answer. ‘Michael tell me.’ Dean rested on one arm and waited for Michael to answer. ‘Talk to me. Don’t make me fight you in the middle of the night.’ Dean pleaded and Michael complied with a sigh._

_‘It’s just- I feel like I’m not doing enough.’ Michael muttered and even in the dark, he could see Dean’s eyebrows furrow._

_‘Not doing what enough?’ Dean asked._

_‘This- us I mean.’ Michael confessed and Dean tilted his head in confusion._

_‘I didn’t quite catch that.’ Dean admitted and Michael contemplated if he should continue._

_‘Earlier tonight, you got paranoid about how I feel about you and it got me thinking…it’s probably my fault.’ Michael muttered and Dean shook his head._

_‘What are you talking about? I was the one who was freaking out. You’ve got nothing to worry about-,’_

_‘Yes I do!’ Michael exclaimed. ‘I’ve known for a while that you don’t usually view yourself in a positive manner. Sarcastically, you do but not when it gets serious. In fact, I did notice that you were becoming timid when we take our clothes off or when you look at yourself in the mirror, and I should’ve seen the doubt in your eyes. I should have said something sooner or acted on it before it turned ugly. I should’ve been more proactive.’_

_‘No. No don’t talk like that Michael. You’re doing enough. You’re doing more than enough. I’m the one who’s got issues-,’_

_Michael cut him off again. ‘Yes but it’s also my job to make sure that you were doing fine both physically and psychologically. I got too complacent and didn’t notice that something was bothering you. I should’ve- I should’ve quieted your insecurities instead of leaving you alone to deal with it.’_

“But then again…” Instead of fighting the memories, Michael let them flood his thoughts like a dam just broke. “He was the same.”

_‘Michael don’t talk like that!’ Dean placed a hand on Michael’s cheek where a tear rolled quietly in the dark. ‘Don’t talk like that!’_

_‘It’s true. I’ve been a negligent partner and I should be ashamed of myself-,’_

_Out of nowhere, Dean leaned in and locked his lips with Michael’s to stop him from talking._

_‘I love you.’ Dean whispered and Michael was rendered speechless._

_‘I love you and I hope you know that everything I said earlier doesn’t mean shit if it brings you down like this. This- us, it’s the one of the surest thing I have in my life and there’s not many. You’re an awesome guy and an even better boyfriend. So don’t ever doubt us. Don’t ever- I don’t have much but at least I have you and that’s good enough for me. No amount of paranoia or insecurity can change that.’ Dean professed without a hint of guile in his voice or expression._

_And Michael shouldn’t doubt it for he could see it himself. The words that came from Dean’s mouth directly derived from his soul. It was bright and warm. Powerful enough to banish the demons inside Michael’s heart._

_‘I love you too.’ Michael replied and placed a hand on the back of Dean’s head to pull the Winchester in for a kiss._

_They’re lips intertwined along with their bodies as it gradually deepened into a fiery make out session. It was followed by their bodies and cocks rubbing together. Dean’s legs parted to welcome Michael. As soon as Michael was inside, they both sighed in relief. Michael knew that Dean felt the same way. That being together like this was perfect. There was no rush or animalistic about their actions._

_It was tender and caring, just like Michael’s pace. They did feel pleasure however their eyes were more focused on the other to acknowledge it. Right then and there, they felt more connected than ever before. And when they climaxed, panting sounds filled the air. Michael pulled Dean close to his chest and held him close._

_And there was peace, not just in the room but also within Michael._

“Huh.” Dean acknowledged and looked away. Soon there was silence between them and Michael’s cigarette was dead including Dean’s. He no longer wanted another one and neither did Dean.

“Did you love him?” Dean said out of the blue and Michael’s eyes blew wide open.

“I- what?”

“I said ‘did you love him?’” Dean asked and looked at Michael right in the eye when he said it.

“I don’t-,” Michael wasn’t sure how to approach this. He could lie and say no but almost every fiber of his being told him not to. “I don’t know…” Well… _almost_ every fiber.

“I don’t know anymore.” Michael continued. “It was a long time ago. I’ve almost forgotten it completely.”

“That’s not true.” Dean quickly said. “Mom told me that you can never forget about your first love.”

“Is that right?” Michael raised an eyebrow and almost laughed out loud at the irony. Fate was testing him, he knew it was.

“Mhm. And by the look on your face, this guy holds a special place in your heart.” Dean coyly pointed out.

“What makes you say that?”

“From your smile earlier. I’ve never seen you smile like that before.” Dean admitted and Michael was rendered speechless.

The first thing that Michael thought in his mind was. ‘Never again.’

So Michael looked away again and but his cheek. He needed to do something, anything just to stop himself from talking because any more and he could slip up. The current Dean was starting to see right through him.

At least Dean noticed that Michael didn’t wish to talk. He didn’t pry on Michael’s silence nor his fidgeting. He merely stared at the alley way and let Michael internally ache.

Dean asked and the silence broke. “You told me earlier that you knew what it was like- losing someone for their own good.”

“And so?” Michael asked.

“So what happened? How’d you two separate? Most importantly…why?” the bombardment of questions had Michael remembering things he wished he never had to think about ever again.

“Well the answer….” Michael thought of the answer carefully. “The answer is quite simple…”

Dean looked at him with great anticipation that Michael was beginning to struggle to get the words out.

“The reason why we broke up was because….” Michael drawled the words out slowly as the memory flashed before his eyes and it was clear as day.

***

**-Three Years Ago-**

The summer nights have been getting colder and Michael had been wearing extra layers during his dates with Dean. There were benefits to this temperature, such as appreciating Dean’s body heat in bed and during sex. And they’ve been having lots and lots of sex. They even broke some of the furniture in their suite which Michael apologetically paid for. However, it didn’t deter them both from getting rougher and more frantic with sex.

Speaking of the cold, it reminded Michael to take Dean out for a date tonight to talk about something. It was a difficult conversation and Michael was sure that it would get ugly however it had been on his mind for a while now.

Michael waited until they finished having dinner to ask because he knew better than to confront Dean when they both had empty stomachs. The result was always catastrophic.

For now, Michael was trying to think of the best way to approach the subject without aggravating Dean. He didn’t want to result to another screaming match like they did to one of the restaurants a month ago. Since then, Michael dared not to step foot in that establishment.

“So I was thinking…” Suddenly Dean grabbed Michael’s attention. “Maybe we could check out that new art exhibit that’s coming out soon. Change things up a little…” Dean offered and Michael raised an eyebrow.

“Art exhibit? I thought you said you found those places boring.”

“Yeah I do but I know you don’t. And I know that you love old and ancient stuff, anything that reminds you of your age I mean.” Dean teased and Michael snorted.

“I think you forgot to order in the kid’s meal dear. But then again, you have the attention span of a five-year-old. Oh wait, that’s not that far from your age.”

“Thanks for reminding me gramps, I thought you forgot just like going to the bathroom. Do you need help to go?” Dean pointed at a random direction, he didn’t have a clue on where the bathroom was.

“Actually, I don’t go to the bathroom with you unless I wish to get escorted out this restaurant by security or worse, arrested.”

“What can I say? I just can’t keep my hands to myself.” Dean had a cocksure smile on his face and Michael grinned back.

“So whadda ya say? Wanna give the exhibit a go? I’m paying.” Dean offered and Michael was about to answer when suddenly he was reminded of what he was there for.

“Actually, there was something else that I wanted to talk to you about before we made any future plans…” Michael answered and Dean’s brows went up in curiosity.

“What’s up?”

Michael clasped his hands together before continuing.

“Well as you know, it’s almost the end of summer.” Michael noted and Dean’s expression was unreadable. It was attentive but unimpressed by the thought.

“And so?” Dean asked.

“So it means that you’ll have to go back to your family soon. Remember you told me that you were here to gain some experience in working with cars for Bobby?” Michael asked and Dean nodded.

“Yeah and?” Again the Winchester seemed undeterred.

“Which means we need to talk about what’s going to happen to us.” Michael stated firmly but Dean didn’t react the slightest. He merely looked at Michael with that unimpressed expression in silence.

“Dean-,”

“I was thinking.” Dean interrupted and Michael shut his mouth in surprise. “Do I have to dress in a suit like a penguin when we go to these places?”

“Excuse me?” Michael questioned in confusion.

“I mean, I know art is fancy and all but do I have to dress for the occasion I mean c’mon, it’s not like I’m meeting the President or anything.” Dean dwelled on the art exhibit and kept going. They had more pressing matters to address.

“Dean were you listening to a-,”

“Last time I wore a suit was when you took me to that really expensive place and I’m pretty sure that the table ware was more expensive than anything that I owned.” Dean cut him off before Michael could even finish the question.

“Dean enough!” Michael raised his voice, earning a few condescending glances from the surrounding customers and staff.

Dean shut his mouth but he had a bitter look on his face. Michael straightened himself before continuing.

“Did you listen to a word I said?” Michael asked abruptly but Dean didn’t answer straight away. He just stared at Michael with a cold expression.

“Yeah I heard you.” Dean replied.

“Then why are you avoiding the subject?”

“Because I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s pointless.”

“Then when do you want to talk about it? Like it or not Dean but there’s not much left of summer and it will be over soon. Unless you already have something planned for us then by all means, I’m all ears.”

Dean shook the table and said nothing, he merely looked away and sulked.

“There you go again. You always get extremely defensive and clam up every time I confront you with reality.”

“Well if you know that happens, then why do it?”

“Because we need to talk about this Dean. I’m just trying to make serious conversation like an adult and you’re acting like-,” Michael stopped himself before saying the word that Dean dreaded in these situations.

“Like what? Say it Michael! I dare you to say it!” Dean slammed his hands on the table, earning evil glances from everyone else.

“I don’t want to make a scene here Dean-,”

Dean mimicked him. “Yeah you’re always so concerned about what everyone thinks. How about what I think huh? C’mon say it. Say it! I fucking dare you to say it!”

Not a moment too soon, the restaurant manager arrived with the security guard and asked them to leave. Michael didn’t even get a chance to pay as the manager just wanted them out and never to return.

Once outside, Dean kept pestering him.

“Don’t make me Dean-,”

“Don’t make you do what? You were the one who was thinking it so why don’t you just say it huh? What’re you scared of Michael? Think I can take it?”

“You’re infuriating me.”

“Well that’s nothing new but what did you really wanna call me Michael? Huh? Don’t act such a pussy you arrogant bastard!”

Then something inside Michael snapped.

“You’re acting like a child!”

“Here we go!” Dean leaned back to his seat.

“What? You were the one who wanted to hear it so here it is. You’re an immature, rambunctious and selfish child!”

“And you’re an arrogant, egotistical and condescending jerk who cares about more about other people’s feelings than mine.”

“Well if you’re feelings weren’t so delicate and high maintenance; I would take them more seriously!” Michael gritted his teeth, “can I have a serious conversation with you without it turning into a screaming match? Dammit Dean, can’t you see that I’m trying here?”

“Yeah well I don’t wanna try. Like you said, I’m immature and selfish!” Dean snapped back.

“Stop trying to distract me from what we really need to talk about!” Michael commanded and Dean shook his head.

“Talk about what? I’m leaving.” Dean’s expression turned from anger to despondence. “I’m leaving you, is that what you wanted to hear me say? Did it change anything?”

“No but at least it’s better than denial.”

“Well what else am I supposed to do?” Dean cried out and Michael tried not to cave in at his glassy eyes. “I’m freaking scared alright! I’ve been scared to think about it let alone admit that summer’s about to end and I still don’t know how you and I are gonna be able to make through it.” Dean scrunched his face to change his expression into anger again.

“I don’t think you’d wanna be together while being a couple of states apart, I don’t want that and I know you don’t want it either so what else are we supposed to do? Go to my parents and tell them that I wanna stay here because I’m seeing a guy? Oh by the way, I’m gay now. Is that how you want me to come out to my parents? They’ve got enough shit to worry about with mom’s side of the family. I don’t wanna add to that!”

Michael shook his head. “And am I supposed to just leave my siblings to take care of themselves while I go with you but hide from your parents? I know you Dean and I know what it’s like to hide things from your parents, especially from your father in order to not disappoint him. AM I supposed to leave everything and be your dirty little secret?”

“What do you mean ‘dirty little secret’? Like you can talk, you’ve never properly introduced me to any of your siblings! I met one but that was by accident! How are you any different to what I’m doing? Have you made plans to introducing me to your siblings?” Castiel’s sobbing face appeared in his mind before guilt overwhelmed his gut. Michael was rendered speechless, he wanted to counter Dean but he could not think of anything good enough to say.

He wanted Dean to stay and he wanted

“That’s what I thought.” Dean raised his chin condescendingly. “You don’t want me to let disappoint Sammy, my mom or dad but you’re too chicken to confront your family either. This is why I didn’t wanna talk about it because we’re just gonna go nowhere. I just wanted to make every second of every day count but you had to spoil it because you can never let these things go.”

“What do you mean?”

“This! I mean the talking- nothing good ever comes from talking about these things!” Dean concluded but Michael wasn’t going to let him believe that.

“That’s not true. You just seem to be allergic to anything remotely responsible and honest-,”

Dean rolled his eyes in disbelief.

“It’s true! Don’t roll your eyes on me!”

“Oh as if you have the right to stand there and preach about honesty! You’re just as much of a liar as I am!” Dean jabbed a finger on Michael’s chest. “Admit it! You’ve been meaning to talk about the end of summer because of other reasons!”

“What reasons?” Michael raised an eyebrow, crossed his arms and straightened his back to challenge Dean’s glaring.

“You’re tired of me! You’re bored and you’ve had your fun so now you just wanna look for a reason to end things with me so you can go out there and fuck everything else that moves.”

“That’s preposterous!”

“Is it? Or am I right for finally seeing through your bullshit! You wanna talk about it now because you cannot wait to end this relationship! It makes me think that everything you said to me was a lie! That you never gave a shit about me! That you never really cared!” Dean started tearing up but Michael wasn’t going to succumb to it. Not after hearing such false accusations.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Michael bit out. “How can you possibly think that I was lying to you? I told you that I love you! Do you think I lied about that as well?”

“Yes! Yes I think you did!” Dean unwittingly bit out and Michael’s heart dropped. Michael felt his entire world shattering at hearing that Dean doubted his love for him.

“After all this time…” Anger slowly drained out of him as sorrow filled every nook and cranny of his heart. “You don’t…” the words had trouble leaving his throat.

“You still don’t believe me…” Then Michael’s glassy eyes met Dean’s to let the other man know how much he was hurting. “I thought…I thought I’ve done everything. Everything…just so you believe me when I say…” Michael couldn’t even say ‘I love you’ even if he forced himself.

He was too deeply hurt that he didn’t care if other people would see him cry. He stared into Dean’s eyes and wished that the other man knew how much he was hurting. On how much he was falling to pieces.

He could tell that Dean was hurting as well however he didn’t know what the Winchester was thinking. He could no longer be sure as to who the person standing in front of him was.

“Let’s break up.” Dean stated and it didn’t hurt as much as Michael thought it would. After all, he was still torn up about the recent revelation to think properly.

“It’s better to do it now than later.” Dean’s voice dropped and Michael could tell that he was hurting as well. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t voice it. He never did. Michael would always force it out of him however this time, he neither had the strength nor the will to touch the Winchester.

“It’s for the best.” Dean turned the other way and started walking. If Dean wanted Michael to chase after him then he would be disappointed since Michael just stood there and watched the other man disappear into the night.

[ ](http://s79.photobucket.com/user/penultimateaxis/media/Fanfiction/13502752_1295329270496220_8227188167656386924_o_zpsimbqvtew.jpg.html)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not like smoking. I don't smoke (only when I get really drunk which is rare). However, I thought it would be logical that Dean occasionally smokes- only when he's really stressed (like overwhelmingly stressed)and really depressed. Besides he just went through a break-up and thinks it's completely over between him and Cas. 
> 
> Michael on the other hand has had experience with a cigarette of course, it was during the period of his escapades before meeting Dean. 
> 
> More surprises are in store and I hope you like the chapter, and the art.


	26. Chapter 26- Tibi in omne tempus: For You, Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you still love my brother Dean?” Michael asked and Dean pouted before looking away. Michael removed himself from the wall and walked in front of the Winchester, towering the other man in height.
> 
> “Dean look at me and tell me, do you still love Castiel?” Michael asked as he stared down the fidgeting man below.
> 
> “Yeah…”
> 
> “Yes.” Michael corrected with a hiss.
> 
> “Yes!” Dean exclaimed. “I do. I still love Cas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the Destiel Shippers, this is your chapter!
> 
> Reconciliations are made, perhaps too much reconciliation.

**-Michael-**

“He had to go away.” Michael said coldly as he retrieved himself from the memories.

“He didn’t want to admit it but he knew that our relationship had an expiry date. He was so stubborn that he’d rather live in denial than face the truth. In the end, he went away…back to his family. And I stayed…to take care of my siblings…take care of Castiel. Neither of us was willing to compromise anyway. It’s better this way. We were making the wrong decisions…”

There were tears in Michael’s eyes just like the night of that memory. He never thought he’d ever think about it again since it had been years.

“Michael?” Dean caught his attention and Michael had to wipe the tears off his face in shame. Pitiful, crying in front of Dean like old times even though only one of them really understood what it meant.

“My apologies. This is embarrassing.” Michael sniffed and realized that his cigarette was done so he dropped it on the ground.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s all good.” Dean muttered and he seemed confused as to what to do.

“Besides…” Michael didn’t wish for Dean to dwell on it for long. “That was then and now…he’s definitely moved on while I…” Michael gazed at empty space for a moment, contemplating on how long it had been since he shared his past to anyone. To Dean of all people.

“That it? Is that how it ends between the two of you?” Dean asked and Michael nodded albeit he didn’t turn to him.

“No way. I don’t believe it.”

Michael raised an eyebrow and faced the Winchester. “Why not?”

“Because it’s stupid- it’s a stupid way to end your relationship.”

“Dean-,”

“how can you expect me or anyone to believe that one little argument is enough to break you two apart? You’re Michael Novak for Christ’s sakes! You’re the most hard-headed person I know aside from myself. And the guy you were with- whatever his name is- both of you were meant to be together!”

Michael had to stop him. “Dean don’t say that. You don’t know what you’re saying-,”

“It’s true! He clearly liked you enough to tell you his insecurities. Hell- even I still struggle to share with Cas and he knows me more than myself sometimes. Plus, you said that he knew you like the back of his hand. Admit it, the relationship you had was perfect and it shouldn’t have ended that way. You should’ve fought harder, you should’ve told him that he was wrong and that you still really cared about him!”

“Dean please-,”

“It’s true isn’t it? You’re still not over him otherwise, you wouldn’t be standing there balling your eyes out! You wouldn’t be miserable all these years if you didn’t and still didn’t give a damn!”

“Stop-,”

“That guy was clearly the one, judging from the way you spoke about him. He sounds like a jerk and he knows it however you still put up with his shit, didn’t you? So I don’t understand why you let it end that way!”

“ENOUGH!” Michael shouted and Dean’s mouth clammed shut. There was an awkward pause in the air before Dean broke it.

“Sorry. I dunno why I got so riled up just now…” Dean muttered in shame while Michael sighed.

“Because you’re in the same situation as I was back then.” Michael stated and he caught Dean’s undivided attention. “After all, the reason why I shared all these things to you is so that hopefully, you can make better decisions. Make better choices that I never took.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah it’s easier said than done. I don’t even know what to do or how I’m gonna get Cas back. I feel like he’s slipping away by the second. I think it’s too late.” Dean confessed to the night and Michael sighed again.

“Then I suggest you talk to him.” Michael urged and Dean chuckled while shaking his head.

“Yeah right…”

“No, seriously.” Michael tried meeting Dean’s eyes with his. “Speak to Castiel. Admit that you were wrong for breaking up with him. Tell him that you’ve been inconsiderate and irrational in your choices.” Dean scoffed but Michael pointed a finger to the sky to hush him. “Tell him that next time, you’ll try to do better in addressing serious matters. And lastly, ask for his forgiveness. He’ll forgive you. I’m sure he will.”

Dean raised him an eyebrow. “What makes you so sure?” 

“Because I know him very well. Probably more than you.” Michael chuckled to hide the pit of jealousy in his gut as to what he was going to say next. “Also because he still loves you Dean.”

He admitted and felt his chest ache. Dean did not make a sound nor did he face him but Michael knew that the other man heard.

“Do you still love my brother Dean?” Michael asked and Dean pouted before looking away. Michael removed himself from the wall and walked in front of the Winchester, towering the other man in height.

“Dean look at me and tell me, do you still love Castiel?” Michael asked as he stared down the fidgeting man below.

“Yeah…”

“Yes.” Michael corrected with a hiss.

“Yes!” Dean exclaimed. “I do. I still love Cas.”

Albeit it hurt Michael, he straightened his back and joined his hands.

“Then that’s all the reassurance that you need.” Michael said without a single shred of doubt in his tone. He wished his older said could see him right now so that he could learn. Unfortunately, he knew he couldn’t change the past.

“Think about it Dean. It may be too late for me but it doesn’t have to be for you. You and Castiel still have a chance to reconcile and arrive at a compromise. I am sure that whatever you decide will be best for both of your futures.” Michael paused for a moment to inhale deeply.

“Just know that I support you, no matter what you decide. You are my friend after all.” Michael added and it didn’t do much to ease the ache in his heart.

“Thanks…thanks for everything Michael. I guess I owe you one.” Dean said and Michael shook his head.

“There’s no need to feel indebted Dean. We’re friends now, there is no need for settling scores.”

Dean cleared his throat before reaching for his pocket and grabbing the box of cigarettes. There were still some left when suddenly, Dean threw it in the darkness of the alley way.

“Can’t have myself getting cancer now that I’ve got some apologizing to do.” Dean grinned which eventually inspires a smile to form on Michael’s face.

“I won’t tell Castiel about the smoking if you stop.” Michael suggested and Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Well if you do, I’ll tell him you had some with me.” Dean threatened and Michael shook his head in disbelief.

“I can drive you home. Think about what you’ll say to my brother tomorrow.” Michael said and Dean nodded. They walked through the alleyway to leave the darkness. For the first time since forever, Michael felt as if he reconciled with something he never thought he could ever see again.

He was finally able to encourage Dean to make the right decision, even if the result didn’t include himself.

After all, Michael denied some truth about what happened that night. On the night when Dean broke up with Michael, he neglected to share the fact that something else followed. What Dean said was true, Michael’s old self was too stubborn to give up.

And since Michael was a persistent man, he undoubtedly pursued to regain the Winchester’s heart three years ago.

***

 

**-Three Years Ago-**

After Dean broke up with Michael, the eldest Novak was sent to tears. When he returned home, he walked into Luke’s bedroom to cry and wail in his brother’s arms. He told his brother everything that happened as comprehensible as possible. Whether or not his other siblings heard him, he did not know. None of them said a word the next day. Only Luke knew as far as he was concerned but then again, there wasn’t much that struck his attention. He walked around the house like a zombie, unable to eat or function properly, Luke ordered everyone in the house and administered on behalf of Michael. Gabriel wouldn’t listen of course and left the house without another word while Anna rolled her eyes in condescension. Castiel was the only one who thought that Michael was physically sick, thus he did most of the chores and tended to Michael’s needs.

It wasn’t until Luke had enough of his moping that he got the nerve to bring some sense into Michael.

“Michael Novak, I have had it with your pathetic existence!” Luke snatched the glass of rum from Michael’s grasp. “Give me that!” Luke also grabbed the cigarette off Michael’s fingers.

“What will Castiel think if he finds out that you’re drinking like a fish and smoking cigarettes indoors for crying out loud?” Luke lectured while Michael rolled to the other side to turn his back on his brother.

“I don’t care. Dean doesn’t love me anymore. Nothing else matters. I wish I was dead.” Michael moped and he could practically feel Luke’s eyes shooting lasers into his skull.

“Christ.” Luke’s tongue clicked and he walked to the other side where Michael was facing to sit on the bed. “Honestly brother, you’re a mess. And I mean, you look even worse than Gabriel after he broke up with that whore of a woman. Look at yourself. This is not the image of the great Michael that you created over the years.”

Michael moaned and turned to the other side to hide his face from Luke.

“Listen to me.” Luke placed a hand on Michael’s back. “Whatever issues that’s stopping you from being with Dean, I’m sure you can deal with it. I know you Michael, you’re not the type to run and hide when things get hard. You fight. And if Dean is really important to you then you will fight for him. I know I sound fucking cheesy right now but usually that’s your job…but your hopeless right now and good God…” Luke noticed the photo of Dean on top of the blanket. There were also a couple of used tissues next to it and it brought fear into Luke’s eyes. “Were you masturbating earlier using Dean’s picture?” Luke asked while holding the photograph up.

Michael quickly snatched it from Luke’s grasp and held it close to his chest.

“Go away Luke.” Michael snivelled as he stroked the photo in his chest.

“Oh god, you’re even more pathetic than I thought.” Luke got up and walked to other side again to where Michael was facing this time.

“Look, there’s still a couple of days before Dean needs to pack up and leave. It’s not too late brother.” Luke said and leaned down to meet Michael’s teary eyes. “I know you don’t want to go because our darling father has programmed you to always cater to our needs and never leave us even though it was HIS job…” Luke grumbled. “But nevertheless, you can still win Dean back if you prove to him that you’re willing to make some compromises for him.”

Michael’s attention was suddenly activated. “How?” he asked weakly.

“Introduce him to us. You said that he was mad at you because you were ashamed to introduce him to us. Maybe if you take the initiative and introduce us, perhaps not all at once, he’ll consider introducing you to his family as well.” Luke explained and Michael felt a glimmer of hope appear in his chest.

“Y-you’re right…” Michael agreed and Luke nodded.

“Obviously you can’t expect him to run at the same pace as you since he still lives under his parents’ roof. However, you need to give him time to adjust. It doesn’t all have to happen in this summer. You two can talk about it even if he’s away. I’m pretty sure he can come visit again and this time, you’re working towards building your relationship for the better, by introducing him to us.”

Michael could feel the ache in his chest being soothed by Luke’s words. “I never thought of that…”

Luke snorted. “Well that’s because you’re an idiot when it comes to that boy. I swear, you’re just like Father! So easily moved by your other half. If mother were here, she would tell you to toughen up. That’s what she’d do.” Then Luke went to Michael’s closet and started looking for something.

“This is what happens when you date someone who has a sexual identity and daddy issues. You and Dean almost think alike. I mean-,” Luke returned and was holding some folded clothes. He brushed the used up tissues away and placed the clothes neatly on top of Michael’s blanket. “You and Dean are so caught up in trying not to disappoint your families to go for what you want. Honestly, you’re given free-will for a reason!” Luke crossed his arms and sighed.

Michael thought of Luke’s words carefully before asking what the clothes were for.

“What is this for?” Michael asked and noticed that a fresh pair of underwear was neatly tucked inside the folded clothes.

“This is what you’re gonna wear when you go apologize to Dean.” Luke stated and Michael raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not apologizing to him Luke! He doesn’t want me to- it’s over between us!”

Luke rolled his eyes in condescension. “Ugh! It’s like you didn’t listen to anything just now.” Then Luke planted his hands on the bed to lean closer to Michael before slapping him across the face.

“You are going to sort this thing out with Dean because right now, you’re a despicable mess of a man and I’m ashamed to call you a Novak. Look at you, moping around the house, making Castiel worry and touching yourself using Dean’s picture…the Michael I knew wouldn’t be crying about a heart-break, he’d either move on to the next lay or fix things. Look, at yourself! You’re meant to be the Godfather! Not tragic Romeo!” Luke hissed before drawing breathe to continue.

“You’re so afraid of disappointing your siblings but you can’t even tell that you’re disappointing them already!” Luke bit out and something inside Michael snapped.

“No…” Michael shook his head upon realizing Luke’s words.

“Well hate to break it to you Michael, but I can’t help but feel ashamed. You’re driving the Novak name to the pits of hell with your sorry state.” Luke noted nonchalantly as the fires of anger surged within Michael’s core.

“Shut up…” Michael uttered furiously.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that even Father would be disappointed.”

That was it, Michael got up from his bed to grab hold of Luke’s collar. He gritted his teeth before growling, “You take that back Lucifer!”

Instead of fear, Luke had a satisfied expression.

“That’s the Michael I know.” Luke grabbed Michael’s hand to pry it off his shirt. “He wouldn’t stand down from a challenge, you wear victory too well.” Suddenly, Michael’s anger gradually dissipated as he realized what his brother had done.

“Do you always find pleasure in tormenting and manipulating me?” Michael asked and Luke cackled.

“I get off on it brother dearest.” Luke teased before his eyes led Michael’s to check below. “Speaking of getting off, I think you forgot to wear underwear today.”

Michael looked down and realized that he was completely naked, his veiny cock hanging low between his legs.

“Dammit.”

***

 

“How do I look?” Michael asked and Luke inspected him from top to bottom. He wore a navy blue buttoned up shirt and black pants that Luke picked out for him earlier.

“Looking good Michael, if we weren’t siblings, I’d ride you while you’re wearing that outfit.” Luke winked and Michael grimaced in disgust.

“Please stop uttering such nonsense.” Michael fixed his spectacles as he put his shoes on. When he looked up, he noticed Luke staring at him.

“What?” He asked and Luke had a wide smile on his face.

“Nothing…well it’s just nice seeing you like this. Hopelessly in love and disgustingly affected by one man. It makes my non-existent heart spasm with joy.” Luke grinned from ear to ear while Michael rolled his eyes. Michael walked to the mirror to check himself.

“I’m not even sure if he’ll take me back…” Michael said. “I said such hurtful things before we parted that I…I doubt he’ll forgive me…” Luke got up and walked behind him

“Not to worry, I know just what you need.” Luke reached into his pocket to grab a small black box. Michael saw it in the reflection and turned around when he realized what that box was.

“How did you?”

“I was snooping through father’s study- I mean your study while you were too busy moping around the house and found it.” Then Luke opened the box to inspect inside.

“It’s a very pretty ring, don’t you agree Michael?” Luke showed the ring to him. Right before Michael, his mother’s engagement ring glistened with the room’s light. It was gold band, clean and shiny. Many would suspect its simplicity as too conventional however the ring hid something from the eye…

“Tibi in omne tempus.” Luke pulled the ring out and read the inscription inside. “For you, Forever.”

Michael’s breath hitched as he heard the words that his father used to say to their mother all the time.

“Father used to say it to mother all the time, after they fight or whenever he felt like it. He was a cheesy old sap like that and mother. She loved it very much, even though she never admitted it.” Then Luke placed the ring on his lip to kiss it.

“Why do you have that?” Michael asked and Luke smirked.

“It belongs to you doesn’t it? Dad gave it to you right around the time before he left. He said you’d give it to the person whom you were going to spend the rest of your life with. I heard him say it from outside the door. I was a little sneaky back then. Dishonorable little shit if I may say so myself.” Luke mischievously sniggered and handed the box to Michael.

“Why are you giving it to me now?” Michael asked and Luke rolled his eyes in frustration.

“Because I’m suggesting that you give this to Dean, that’s why.” Luke waved the box in front of Michael again, insisting that he take it.

“Are you insane? What makes you think I’m gonna give him that? I’m apologizing to him, not proposing!”

“Hear me out.” Luke raised a hand. “You told me that Dean still has some issues believing what you feel about him. Isn’t that what you said in between the sniveling and the ruining my shirt with your snot?” Luke asked and Michael was rendered speechless in embarrassment. Crying to Luke wasn’t one of his proudest moments.

“So I suggest that you give him this ring. It’s probably one of the most valuable possessions of our family and it was the ring that father used to propose to mother. If you tell him that you wouldn’t just give this ring to anyone, I’m sure that from now on, Dean will have to think twice before saying that you don’t love him.”

Michael stood frozen on the spot as his heart beat escalated at the sight of the box. As if his hands had minds of their own, they took the box from Luke and opened it. His eyes were fixated on the golden band with the precious inscription that his mother explained to him when he was very young. She was always smiling when she read it or gazing upon the ring on her finger.

All of a sudden, he pictured Dean looking at the ring instead of his mother.

“Michael!” Luke snapped him out of his trance and Michael stammered.

“Apologies. My mind was somewhere.” Michael admitted and Luke smiled.

“Give it to Dean. You know he’ll love it. Judging from what you’ve told me, I’d say that you’re wearing the pants in the relationship so I’m sure your man will melt as soon as you give him the ring.”

Michael shook his head. “I can’t- I can’t give this ring to Dean. It’s too valuable and precious. Father wouldn’t-,”

Luke cut him off. “Father what? Again with the whole father thing. It’s always father this or father that- ugh! Will you quit being daddy’s good boy and think of yourself for once! He left us Michael! He abandoned us! Is that what you want to happen again? You want Dean to abandon you?” Luke asked and Michael immediately shook his head.

“No…”

“Then what gives? Give him the bloody ring and promise him that you’ll be his forever. It doesn’t have to be a goddamn marriage proposal. It can be a promise ring. Yeah- something like that. I dunno what our generation calls it these days but a promise ring will do. He’ll absolutely love it and love you forever.” Luke said but Michael’s eyes remained fixated on the ring.

“Do you love him?” Luke asked and startled Michael.

“Uh what?” Michael asked and Luke groaned.

“You do love him don’t you?” Luke asked and Michael nodded.

“Do you want to spend the rest o your life with anyone else?” Luke asked and Michael furiously shook his head.

“No.”

“Do you think he’s the one?” Luke asked another question and Michael took a second to think about it before answering.

“Yes. He’s the one.”

Luke crossed his arms. “Then what’re you waiting for? Get your stupid ass to Dean and give yourself to him!” Luke ordered and Michael was out of the door without a moment sooner.

***

 

Michael went to Bobby’s first because Dean wouldn’t answer his calls and messages. To his luck, he found Dean there and he was a mess. He asked Bobby if he could be excused with Dean and Bobby simply grunted and called them both ‘idjits’ before leaving the room. Dean was about to leave as well but Michael stopped him.

Michael apologized for all the things he said and proposed Luke’s solution to their problem. They were going to try and come out to their families, as a promise to each other.

When Dean forgave him and agreed to his plan, Michael knelt and took the little box out and presented it to Dean. He opened it to reveal his mother’s engagement ring, explaining to Dean that it didn’t mean anything other than a promise that he was going to give himself to him and Dean alone. He explained the origins of the ring and the fact that it had been in his family for generations so that Dean knew, Michael was serious about his promise. He said that wouldn’t give the ring just to anyone and paraphrased all the other things that Luke told him to say.

In the end, Dean covered his mouth in shock and squealed, actually squealed in excitement before jumping on Michael and planting kisses all over his face.

They made love that night and Michael thought that he made the right choice. At the time, he greatly believed that everything was going to be alright from then on.

Unfortunately, he would regret his decision altogether.

***

 

**-Michael-**

The morning after, Michael went into his room and retrieved the box of his memories with Dean. He reached for the little black box underneath the envelope containing his pictures with Dean. When he opened it, he found his mother’s engagement ring, the same ring that he gave Dean before. The inscription on it was as clear as ever.

_Tibi in omne tempus._

“For you, Forever.” He read it out loud as he rolled the ring around his fingers. The golden band glistened even under the cover of the dark. On the other hand, Michael sat there remembering the time when he gave the ring to Dean. He placed the ring on his lips and kissed it.

The next moment, his eyes got watery and his nose sniffled before he clenched the ring tightly in his hand.

He returned the ring in its box and set it to the side as he hid the box of memories under the floor. Once the wood locked in place, he glanced over to the box and reached for it. He hid it in his pocket and walked out of his room until he reached Castiel’s room.

He knocked on his baby brother’s door and asked to come in.

“Come in Michael.” Castiel responded and Michael entered with wholehearted intention to finally and regrettably late: truth.

***

 

In the afternoon, Michael searched for Gabriel to find him in the living room watching the television with Sam. His brother’s head rested on the younger Winchester’s shoulder and it made Michael guilty for intruding their comfort.

“Excuse me but I need to speak you, Gabriel.” Michael pointed out.

“I’m gonna go.” Suddenly, Sam got up without hesitation.

“You do not need to leave Sam. You may stay.” Michael gestured with his hands to direct Sam back on his seat and Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Are you sure? I mean if it’s a family matter-,”

“You are family too Sam. Now please.” Michael gestured again and Sam returned to his seat. Gabriel reached for Sam’s left hand and clasped their fingers together. Michael wished he didn’t have to see the fear in their eyes however he knew that the only one to blame was himself.

“I believe I owe the two of you an apology.” Michael started and he made sure to not let Gabriel and Sam’s expressions deter him from his goal. “I have been an incomprehensive, inconsiderate, manipulative, condescending and heartless bastard, and I am sorry. To both of you.” Michael bowed his head and both Gabriel and Sam were speechless.

“I never should’ve put the two of you through so much and to witness what I did to Luke…it was wrong. I treated you all like subjects instead of family. I should’ve been grateful for your cooperation instead of instilling fear and mistrusting you. I should’ve been your brother, your friend, instead of your enemy. For that and many more, I am sorry.”

Michael held back his tears.

“I understand if you do not forgive me. I can live with that. All I ask is for your future happiness, as a couple.” Then he turned to Sam. “I wish you the best at Stanford. It is admirable that you intend to get into law and Gabriel-,” He turned his head to Gabriel. “I am very proud of your love and support for Sam. I wish I could be a better brother to you and what are you doing?”

Suddenly, Gabriel wrapped his arms around Michael and started sniffling.

“Did I do something wrong? Why are you crying?” Michael asked and noticed that Sam was also in tears.

“Sam?” Michael asked in confusion and Sam chuckled.

“We’re crying because we’re touched.” Sam wiped his tears away. “We’ve been waiting for an apology. A proper one and finally we got it. We couldn’t be happier.” Sam explained and Michael tilted his head in confusion.

“God you can be such a stupid bastard sometimes Mikey! Of course we forgive you!” Gabriel looked up with tear drenched cheeks.

“I am very confused right now.” Michael admitted and Gabriel chuckled before hugging him tighter. Sam joined in and wrapped his wide arms around them both.

Eventually, Michael’s confusion was replaced by warmth and relief. He returned the gesture by wrapping his arms around Gabriel and Sam, although they were locked in place because of Gabriel’s hug. After a moment of sniffling and wiping tears, Gabriel and Sam broke the huddle.

“I-Thank you for forgiving me.” Michael stated to them both as he saw smiles on their faces.

“I forgave you in your first apology, however Gabriel was stil mad so I didn’t say anything.” Sam admitted which earned him a whine from Gabriel.

“Well I wasn’t just gonna forgive him. I had to wait until I could give him a piece of my mind before I forgive him, otherwise, he really won’t know what he did wrong!” Gabriel pointed out and Michael nodded.

“You are right brother. I understand what I have been diabolical in my scheming and ruthless in my threats. I have now forsaken the course of manipulation and wish to let you know that I do not wish to use my God-fatherly skills on anyone, unless they are threat to this family. Nothing more. I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have done what I did to Luke.”

“Hey it’s alright! Luke can take care of himself!” Gabriel placed a hand on Michael’s shoulder. “I’m sure he’s forgotten about it already.”

“Perhaps you’re right…” Michael agreed but deep down he was unconvinced.

“Well at least we’re all good now.” Sam said then stopped to retrace his steps. “Well not everyone…”

Michael furrowed his brow in confusion then Gabriel spoke up.

“There’s still the issue with Dean-o and Cassie’s break up.” Gabriel despondently confided. “I hope those two sort out their problems…”

Gabriel’s words made Michael beam at both of them. “I guess that you’ll be happy to know that Castiel and Dean have reconciled as of today.”

Sam and Gabriel raised eyebrows at him.

“Since when? Dean was still depressed when I left the house this morning.” Sam said but Michael kept his smile fixed.

“I believe there has been some changes since then.” Michael gladly noted and Gabriel’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“What changes?” Gabriel asked. “Michael, what did you do?”

Before Michael could answer, the front door opened and they all checked to see who it was.

“Gabriel? Sam?” It was Castiel and Michael walked toward him while Gabriel and Sam followed.

At the door, Castiel and Dean stood next to each other, while the sun light bathed their backs. Michael greeted them with a warm smile.

“Welcome back Castiel.” Then he moved his smile to Dean. “Dean.” The older Winchester blushed sheepishly and Michael looked down to see Castiel and Dean holding hands.

Castiel’s excitement practically radiated off him that Gabriel had to ask, “Why are you so happy Cassie?”

Castiel turned to Dean whose face reddened even more.

“Do you want me to tell them?” Castiel asked and Dean whimpered in his throat.

“Tell us what?” Gabriel and Sam asked at the same time before looking at Michael who redirected their eyes to the other couple.

Castiel couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Dean and I are engaged!” Both Sam and Gabriel’s eyes blew wide open, flabbergasted and their mouths dropped open.

 “You’re what?” They both asked at the same time.

“We’re getting married!” Castiel announced then he pointed Dean’s hand to reveal a gold band wrapped around his ring finger.

 Sam and Gabriel inspected the ring on Dean’s hand carefully before looking at each other in complete disbelief then back to Castiel.

“You’re serious? You’re actually engaged. You and Dean?” Gabriel asked and Castiel nodded in glee.

“We spoke about our problems, set our differences aside before I dropped on one knee and proposed to Dean.” Castiel admitted and both Gabriel and Sam seemed even more confused.

While this was happening, Dean simply kept blushing but then he met Michael’s eyes and all of a sudden, Michael felt like the whole room vanished into darkness.

In front of him, there was only Dean who was wearing the golden ring that Castiel gave him. They stared into each other’s eyes and Michael wasn’t sure whether he was looking at the old Dean or the current one.

Nevertheless, Michael mouthed the words:

‘Farewell.’

Before the darkness disappeared and he and Dean were back in the room with everyone else. Michael stopped staring and instead, he looked at Dean’s ring while he noticed Dean staring at him through his peripherals. Maybe if he didn’t look, Dean might stop.

“I know you had problems to deal with Cassie but I didn’t know that proposing was on the table.” Gabriel admitted and Castiel sniggered.

“Neither did I, it was actually Michael’s idea.” Castiel pointed at Michael and everyone in the room, albeit Dean was already staring intently at him beforehand, turned to him.  

Gabriel’s expression was one of shock while Sam’s had disbelief. However, none of their expressions could compare to Dean’s. Somehow, his face made the impression of betrayal even though Michael didn’t know why. Well not in the logical sense.

“He went to my room earlier today and asked me to talk to Dean about our problems.” Castiel reached for Dean’s hand and gently rolled the ring off Dean’s finger. “Then he gave me this ring. He said that it was our mother’s ring with the engraving: Tibi in omne tempus.”

While Castiel smiled and rolled the ring back on Dean’s finger, Gabriel, Sam and even Dean did not share his reaction.

“For you. Forever.” Sam muttered and Castiel nodded.

“Yes Sam. That’s what it means in Latin. Funfact: law terms are predominantly in Latin so I’m glad that you’re learning the language since it’ll be helpful when you study in Stanford.” Castiel shared a funfact like he usually did however nobody in the room was interested in it. Not because they disliked Castiel but because they were more engaged on what Michael just did.

There and then, Michael felt as if he just reached rock-bottom. Any chance of being with Dean was finally snuffed and it was all thanks to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost 2AM when I usually go to sleep at 10PM, but I had to finish and upload this chapter because it's a cliff hanger. 
> 
> I thought that sad and depressed Michael was cute. Especially the small fact that he masturbates using Dean's picture. Luke is a good brother/person in this chapter and reconciliations are made. Again, perhaps it's too much. 
> 
> Does anyone else hear wedding bells in the distance?


	27. Chapter 27- Summer Untouchable By Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you, say it for me again.”  
> Michael hummed happily. “I love you.”  
> “Forever?” Dean asked and Michael chuckled.  
> “Forever and ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said in my previous comments and notes, Michael's suffering has only just begun.

**-Michael-**

Michael could still remember the exact moment when his father gave him mother’s ring. It was around before his father disappeared without a trace, so almost over a decade. Michael was still in high school at the time.

_“Come in Michael.”_

_Michael opened the door carefully and walked into his father’s study. The room was dark as the sun was beginning to set and his father didn’t like turning the lights on. He rarely left the darkness. Father stood by the window with his back turned to Michael. His hands were on his back and his posture slumped a little. He seemed to grow smaller over the years that perhaps Michael could tower over him one day._

_“Father, Gabriel said that you called for me?” Michael straightened his back even though his father wasn’t looking. It was a reflex that he developed over the years as a sign of respect to Father._

_Father turned to the side for a moment, looking at Michael through his peripherals._

_“Ah yes. I need to show you something.” Father said as he approached his table to take something out of the drawer. When he closed it, he walked around to the front of the table with something in his hand. He leaned on the edge of the table while he presented a small black box to Michael._

_“Hold this.” Father held the box out for Michael to reach. It was a small box with a velvety texture and it reminded him of the boxes in the windows of jewelry shops._

_“Open it.” Father ordered and Michael carefully opened it to find a golden ring. It glistened even in the darkness of the room. Somehow, Michael had a feeling that he had seen it before._

_“What do you think of it?” Father asked and Michael inspected the item carefully. There was something engraved inside but Michael suspected that it wasn’t English._

_“It’s beautiful. Simple, but beautiful.” Michael replied and a smile formed on Father’s face. It was unusual to see him smile._

_“Do you know who it belonged to?” Michael shook his head slowly._

_“No Father, who does it belong to?” Michael replied._

_Father smiled and turned around to open the lamp on his table. The room brightened up a little and Michael noticed that something was engraved inside the ring but he didn’t get the chance to read it because father grabbed his attention. “May I have it?”_

_Michael handed it back of course then his father held the ring with both hands and inspected it carefully._

_“This was your mother’s ring.” Father answered and Michael’s eyebrows went up in realization. “This was the ring that I gave her when I asked her to marry me.” Father added and Michael recalled that it was one of the rings on mother’s left hand._

_Father smiled as he rolled the item between his fingers. Michael hadn’t seen his father smile in a very long time._

_“You remember your Grandfather Constantine?”_

_Michael nodded. “Yes, father.” Grandfather Constantine was father’s father._

_“Back then he didn’t want me to marry your mother. It’s because he wasn’t very happy with your mother’s family. At the time, our families were rivals and he wanted to tear your mother’s family apart. Remove the competition so he says.” Father confessed and Michael’s eyes blew wide open in surprise._

_“His first plan was to marry me to someone else, to strengthen the family name however the most wonderful thing happened…” Father paused to stare at him intently. “Stella became pregnant with you.”_

_Then Father shook his head while smiling. “We were so happy however your grandpapa was furious. I have never seen him so mad. He even imprisoned me to separate your mother and I. It was agony being away from your mother…” Father stopped to clear his throat. “Your grandpapa even threatened to have you aborted.”_

_Michael’s eyes blew wide open at the revelation._

_“Of course I wouldn’t let him.” Father furiously shook his head. “I told him that I’d kill myself so basically destroy everything that he worked for if he laid a finger on you and Stella. In the end, an idea sprung into his head…he knew that your mother wanted to keep you and since no man from a respectable family would ever raise someone else’s son, her family couldn’t marry her. Her family tried to get her an abortion but she said that she’d kill herself if they laid a finger on you. Being the only child, they couldn’t do much. In the end, your grandpapa used your mother’s pregnancy as leverage to offer terms to Stella’s family. Obviously they were terms advantageous to him.”_

_Father sighed in dismay but his eyes remained fixated on the ring._

_“I was furious when I found out. I wanted to throw my fists at your grandpapa. But he threatened to have me sent away. Far from you and Stella. Not only did he threaten to have Stella husbandless, he said it would render you fatherless. There was nothing else that I could do therefore, I submitted. I complied to what he asked and took over the family business, including Stella’s.”_

_Father wiped his brow in frustration. He stopped playing with the ring and merely held it in his fingers._

_“He was kind of an asshole, your grandpapa. I hated him most of the time. Grumpy, alcoholic and closeted. I knew he was interested in men but he was too afraid to admit it. It’s because he grew up in that time.” Father explained and Michael listened carefully because his father was starting to worry him._

_At his age, Michael was starting to realize that he preferred male company over women however he tried not to act on it in fear of disappointing his father. It was somehow relieving and strange to hear his father admit that his grandfather shared the same predicament._

_“I didn’t care if he was interested in men. I hope you know that I’m not ignorant. Religious but not ignorant.” Father reassured and Michael nodded._

_“Yes sir.” Michael didn’t really know what else to say. Then Father placed a hand on Michaels shoulder._

_“He never cared about me, he was only thinking about the family name. His legacy. Of course your mother’s family complied, even though the marriage was more advantageous to my father. Everything was business for him.” Father shook his head in shame._

_“He was never proud of me. Not when I told him that I’d rather leave the family with your mother than take his place. He was not happy after hearing that. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake as my father. No, I’m not going to be like him. I want you to know that you have made me very proud son, by taking care of this family and still doing very well in school. You’re intelligent, strong, confident and righteous. Any father would be proud. Even your grandpapa would be proud.” Father admitted and warmth spread across Michael’s chest._

_“Thank you, father.” Michael responded and another smile formed on father’s face._

_“This ring…” Father held the item closer. “Inside, what does it say?” Father handed the ring to Michael and his son inspected it carefully._

_“Tibi-Tibi in omne tempus?” Michael said unsurely and Father nodded._

_“What does it mean?” Father asked and fortunately Michael was proficient in Latin, he was taught by Father after all._

_“For you, Forever.” Michael translated and Father nodded._

_“Yes. I had it engraved in the ring. It may look simple, but that ring has been in our family for centuries. Passed on through generation after generation. It was what your grandpapa and his father before him used to propose to their wives. However, your mother deserved more than just the ring. I also wanted to give her an unbreakable oath. Since I wasn’t sure if we were going to be together at the time, given the situation, I had it engraved so she knew- every time she looked at the ring, when she looked inside, she’d know that I was hers. Forever.”_

_Father admitted and tears rolled down his eyes. Michael stood there and watched his father weep before him. His father tried to hide whenever he cried. He never showed Michael or the others when he was in tears so Michael was at a loss of what to do._

_Michael could only frown deeply at seeing his great father in this state. Father sniffled before composing himself._

_“I want you to keep it.” Father muttered and shock filled his son’s expression._

_“W-Why father?” Michael asked in heavy concern before pointing the ring toward his father._

_“Because I want you to give it to the person whom you wish to spend the rest of your life with.” Father explained and closed Michael’s hand to keep the ring inside._

_“But I don’t want you to give it for the sake of family traditions. Your grandpapa- he never truly loved your granny Lucia, it was a marriage strictly for business. No, I want you to give that ring to the person whom you really care about. To the **one**. To your one and only.” Father said and it almost sounded like a whisper. _

_“I want you to know that you do not need to force yourself to be someone that you do not wish to be. I want you to take dignity for who you are- not live in denial. Do not be like your grandpapa and don’t be like me either.” Father suggested and his voice hung lowly at the end._

_“Previous generations of Novaks have failed you in that regard. We pretended to be something that we’re not and it caused us nothing but grief…so be like your mother.” Father insisted. “She was honest to everyone and especially to herself. She knew her flaws and shortcomings but despite these, I loved her with all my heart. I loved her, because she saw right through me. Through the walls and lies that I’ve built all around me. Even in her last breath, she never stopped-,”_

_Then Father cried again and Michael held him in his arms. All sorts of emotions swirled within Michael. It was mixed with confusion, loss but predominantly sadness._

_He wanted to cry there and then with his father, however he needed to be strong. He was always strong when his father couldn’t._

_“Thank you, father. I shall keep it safe.” Michael responded and clenched the ring in his hand “I won’t disappoint you.”_

_“I’m know you won’t Michael. You never disappoint me. You’re such a good son. I hope that you’ll find someone who can make you happy as I was with your mother. Perhaps even more.”” Father said and Michael smiled._

_“I only find happiness in protecting and serving you and my siblings.” Michael replied robotically and a frown formed on Father’s face._

_“There’s more to life than obedience and servitude my son. I appreciate your devotion but I hope you know that you are allowed to love others as well.”_

_Michael furrowed his brow in confusion. “I don’t understand. There is no greater fulfilment than loving my parents and my siblings.”_

_Father’s frown didn’t deepen but it didn’t change into a smile either._

_“It’s alright. You do not have to understand now. All I want you to do is to be true to yourself.” Father said and Michael was about to nod when he added something else, “One day you’ll find someone. When that happens, whoever they may be, I’m sure I’ll like them. I’ll like them very much.”_

***

Michael back then didn’t really understand what Father meant by his words. Maybe Luke knew since he admitted that he was listening to their conversation from outside the door. However, now that Michael thought about it, perhaps his father hinted that he was not averse to Michael’s sexual preference.

In fact, Michael sort of believe that his father knew about his desires however he would never say anything.

It wasn’t until Michael finally gave the ring to someone that he realized what Father meant. For everything that Father said perfectly fit with his situation with Dean.

***

_When Michael arrived at Bobby’s after fighting with Dean, he wasn’t sure if his plan would work. Actually, he didn’t really have a plan or anything set in stone however there was only one thing for sure- he wanted to get Dean back. He wasn’t going to let everything crash and burn. With Luke’s words ringing through his head and his mother’s ring in his pocket, Michael entered the garage to find Bobby Singer reading a newspaper in his study._

_“About time ya got here ya idjit.” Bobby grumbled._

_“I’m sorry for everything Bobby. I don’t know what Dean has told you but-,”_

_“He’s told me enough.” Bobby cut him off. “Ye better have a damn good conviction if you wanna get through that boy’s thick skull. He thinks it’s completely over between you two, but I know the truth- neither of you are the type to give up so easily. Being stubborn as you are.” Bobby shook his head._

_“I love him Bobby. That’s all I can say and that’s all I can offer him. I hope it will be enough. I hope you believe me-,”_

_Then Michael was cut off by Bobby walking over to him to give him a hug._

_“I know you do son. I know you love him very much.”_

_When he broke it, he had glassy eyes but Michael knew better than to point them out to him._

_“He’s upstairs. Still moping and sulking around like a heartbroken teenager. Starting to piss me off actually.” Bobby grunted and Michael nodded._

_“Thank you, Bobby.” Michael stated and Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder._

_“Now I know things are difficult between you two but I’m sure you two will get through it guns blazing. I know you can make that boy happy and he’ll do the same for you. You were meant to be together and you’re like a son I never had.” Bobby said and Michael nodded._

_Michael’s chest ached despite the overwhelming warmth from Bobby’s words. It had been too long since he heard someone, other than his father treat him like a son._

_“I won’t- I shall make you proud.” Michael almost said ‘I won’t disappoint you’ but he knew he sounded robotic when he did after years of saying it to his father. Then a smile formed on Bobby’s face._

_“You already have, son. You already do.” Bobby returned to his chair and Michael climbed the stairs to Dean’s room._

_When he opened the door, he saw Dean on the bed with his back to the door._

_“Go away Bobby.” Dean sniffled. “Wanna be alone.”_

_“If it makes you feel any better…” Michael answered and Dean quickly rolled around as if hearing his voice was some crime. “Bobby is still downstairs but I don’t think he has any intention of leaving you alone. That’s why he let me up here.”_

_“What’re you doing here?” Dean immediately got up and crossed his arms. It was fairly obvious that he was trying to stay mad amidst his state. Wet lashes, snot covered face and dark circles under his eyes, Michael finally understood what Luke had to put up with earlier._

_“Dean I-,”_

_“Get out.” Dean snarled and pointed at the door._

_“Please hear me out-,”_

_“No, I don’t want to hear a word from you!” Dean stepped closer and shouted._

_“Dean-,”_

_“Get out! Get the hell out! I said!”_

_“No!” Michael snapped back then Dean shoved Michael’s chest, sending to take a few steps back._

_“Just get out! Out!” Dean screamed and kept pushing Michael to the door but Michael resisted. Dean kept pushing until they reached the door and opening it. Michael slammed it shut which infuriated Dean even more._

_“ARGH! Why are you doing this?” Dean threw himself to Michael’s chest and screamed. “Why?” Then Dean started slamming his fist on Michael’s chest. It hurt but not physically._

_“I hate you! I hate you! I want you to leave me alone! Get out!” Dean kept going but Michael just stood there and took the hits._

_“Get out! Get-,” out of exhaustion, Dean stopped and gripped the collar of Michael’s shirt until his knuckled were white. He buried his face in Michael’s chest and started sobbing._

_“I hate you…I hate for doing this. Why are you doing this? Why would you? Why’d you come back?” Dean asked and cried some more. “Why can’t you see that I’m trying to stay away? Stay away so that it doesn’t hurt as much when I leave…”_

_The words made Michael’s chest ache worse than Dean’s beatings. Out of habit, Michael wrapped his arms around Dean and held him tight. He let Dean cry in his arms as he cooed the boy._

_“I came in here to apologize. I need you to know that I’m sorry for not being more honest about myself…and about us.” Michael whispered into Dean’s ear. “I know I’ve been a coward. I’ve been a total ass for keeping you from my siblings. I was more worried about disappointing them than think of your happiness. And I understand…”_

_Michael reached for Dean’s hands and held them together but Dean still wouldn’t look at him._

_“I now understand as to why you didn’t believe that I love you.” Dean quickly looked directly into Michael’s eyes as soon as he heard the words._

_“How can I say that I love you when I cannot even muster the courage to introduce you to my family? That’s not love- that’s shame. I was ashamed.”_

_“No, don’t say that.” Dean shook his head but Michael nodded._

_“It’s true.” Michael firmly stated and Dean’s mouth slammed shut. “I was so worried about disappointing them to think about your feelings and I- I’ve learned my lesson. I want this to work.”_

_Michael made sure that he was looking at Dean’s eyes when he said it._

_“I want us to work and I want you to meet my family. It may not be all at once but I want them to meet you and realize how wonderful and perfect you are to me. I want them to see how special you are to me. I want them to know how much you matter to me and know that I would give the world to you. I’d even give my whole life to you.” Michael stated and Dean’s eyes brightened despite the tears and the tiredness._

_“I love you Dean and I want you to believe me when I say it.”_

_“Yes!” Dean exclaimed and placed a hand on his mouth before tears build in his eyes. “Yes, I believe you Michael. I’m so sorry- I’m so sorry for not believing you, I’ve been a complete jerk- I’m sorry!” Then Dean buried his face in Michael’s chest before he started crying._

_“It’s alright.”_

_“No, it’s not. I said hurtful things and here you are apologizing to me first. I should’ve been the one to say sorry first. I was the one leaving…”_

_Michael sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around Dean._

_“Oh god look at me; I feel like a girl crying like this. Worse than a girl…it’s embarrassing.” Dean started wiping his face with his arm._

_“It’s alright…” Michael smiled and wiped Dean’s cheeks. “Even in tears, you look beautiful to me.”_

_Dean scoffed and waved a hand, telling Michael to stop. “Y’know, I also want to introduce you to my family. I don’t know how I’m gonna go about it but maybe I’ll tell Sammy first then mom. I don’t know about dad because he’s not exactly open about this sort of stuff…”_

_Michael shook his head and placed his hand on Dean’s cheek. “It’s alright. You don’t- you don’t have to tell them anything. I know what it’s like to be afraid of disappointing your father. You don’t have to tell them about me.”_

_“No, that’s not right. It’s not fair that you get to tell your family about me but I don’t-,”_

_“It’s different.” Michael stated and Dean tilted his head in confusion. “You still live under your parents’ roof and they provide for you. I’m the head of my family and I sustain their needs. Besides, my brother already knows about you and I speculate that the others do.” Then the image of Castiel flickered through his mind. “However, they seem to be fine with it. They may not like me but it’s due to other reason. I have been estranged with my siblings long before I met you.”_

_Michael confessed and a gentle smile formed on Dean’s face. “So don’t worry about me.” Michael continued. “Worry about yourself first and be good to your family. When the time is right, you can come back here and if for some reason, my siblings are interested in travelling, I could go over there to you and introduce them. We can get through this. I know we will. All we have to do is believe in each other and we’ll pull through.”_

_The smile on Dean’s face grew wider and he reached up to kiss Michael on the lips. Even though it had only been a day, Michael felt like it’s been forever since he felt Dean’s kiss. Suddenly he remembered something else._

_“I need to show you something.” Michael broke the kiss which earned a whimper from Dean._

_Michael reached for his pocket and pulled out the small little box that Luke told him to take. He opened it presented the ring to Dean._

_“Michael what’s this for?” Dean’s eyes blew wide open in surprise before Michael continued with an explanation._

_“Now it doesn’t have to mean anything and I’m not asking for a big ceremony in the near future but-,” Michael took the ring then held it up for Dean to see it completely. “I want you to know that this ring has been handed to me by my father and his father before him. Inside, it holds a message: ‘Tibi in omne tempus’.”_

_“What does that mean?” Dean asked and a smile formed on Michael’s face._

_“It’s Latin for ‘For you. Forever.”_

_A gasp escaped Dean’s mouth before Michael took his hand and started rolling the golden ring on his ring finger._

_“I love you Dean and I want you to know that I wouldn’t just give this ring to anyone.” Once the ring was fully seated on Dean’s finger, Dean inspected it with an expression full of awe._

_“This ring is my promise to you. That you’re the only one for me and no one else. You’re my heart…my love and my everything” Michael pulled Dean’s left hand to his lips and kissed it._

_“No matter where you go, even when I’m not with you, I want you to remember those words. My promise.” Michael stroked the ring on Dean’s finger._

_“I’m in love with you Dean and I’m yours forever. I hope you believe me from now onwards.”_

_Dean’s eyes got watery again. “Yes! Yes, I do believe you!” Then Dean pulled Michael in for another kiss, this time with more passion. “I love you.”_

_“I love you.” Dean whispered with fluttering eyes. “I love you so much. You’re my everything. I love you. I love-,” Dean kept chanting ‘I love yous’ in between kissing Michael and taking his clothes off. Michael heaved Dean by the thighs and carried the younger man to the bed before he started taking his clothes off._

_They were both naked in a matter of seconds before their bodies were plastered together. Tongues and mouths chasing the other in the heat of passion. When Michael entered Dean, it felt like coming home. He thrusted languidly to savor the moment since this wasn’t just sex._

_It was making love._

_When they climaxed, Michael collapsed on top of Dean and his consciousness was gradually drifting away to sleep but not before Dean cusped his face with his hands and whispered the words._

_“I love you, say it for me again.”_

_Michael hummed happily. “I love you.”_

_“Forever?” Dean asked and Michael chuckled._

_“Forever and ever.”_

***

**-Michael-**

The day after Castiel and Dean’s engagement, Michael and the rest of the Novaks, meaning Gabriel, were invited to the Winchester’s household for a small engagement party. Michael met the Harvelles again, Ellen and Jo, Jo brought company- her girlfriend named Charlie who was quite familiar with Dean judging from their shared knowledge of cultural references.

There were a few others, Dean had a new coworker named Garth and Castiel’s friends Samandriel and Gadreel came over. Even the local Sherriff Jodie Mills and her partner Donna were invited. They were friends of John and Bobby. Speaking of Bobby, the older man was apparently going to be late to close up the garage, Garth’s words.

Michael merely stood in the sidelines as he watched everyone congratulate the couple for their engagement.

He had never seen Castiel so happy and Dean was almost the same. Dean laughed at Charlie’s jokes and exchanged snarky comments with Jo. All the while, Michael avoided being alone in the same room with Sam and Gabriel.

The couple have been trying to corner him since yesterday but Michael was capable enough to hide from them or create situations where Castiel was present. Sam and Gabriel were not about to talk about such things around Castiel, unless they wanted him to be suspicious.

They weren’t happy of course, he could tell from their expressions that they were not impressed with how Michael handled things. From the _secret_ to Castiel and Dean’s reconciliation, he knew that they did not approve. Hence why Michael went to Castiel without notifying Gabriel- he knew his brother would not agree with his methods.

However, this was the only way he knew how to fix everything. To repair the damage that was inflicted to him many years ago. After all, he was in the same situation as Castiel now.

Fate was going to tear Castiel and Dean apart but this time, Michael was not going to sit idly by and let that happen. The wheels of fate were not going to repeat the same predicament to his baby brother, may Michael’s happiness be damned.

The cycle ends here and Michael wished that Gabriel and Sam could stop glaring at him from the other side of the room. He wished that they could understand why he did what he did. So Michael focused all his attention on the happy couple to distract himself from Gabriel and Sam’s malignant stares.

Until someone grabbed his attention.

“Michael.” It was Mary Winchester. “Could you help me with something in the kitchen?” she asked and Michael nodded.

“Of course.” Michael followed Mary to the kitchen and gave Gabriel one last look. He knew that he was in the clear as long as he wasn’t alone with Gabriel and/or Sam.

“What would you like me to help you with?” Michael asked and Mary grabbed a bottle of champagne in the fridge and opened it with a pop. Michael wondered why she opened another because he could’ve sworn that there were more open bottles in the room.

Mary reached for two glasses from the cupboard and handed one to Michael.

“Hold this.” Mary said and Michael did as he was told.

She started pouring champagne into the glass that Michael was holding then to hers.

“Mrs. Winchester, what is this for? I could’ve sworn that there were bottles opened in the other room.”

“Please Michael, call me Mary and this is for you.” Mary joined their glasses together. “Take it as my thanks, for everything that you did.”

Michael’s mouth went agape in shock.

“Castiel told me what you did, he said that you spoke to Dean and helped them get back together so I’m grateful.” Mary held the glass with both hands. “I’m very grateful for what you’ve done and for everything else. How could I every repay you?” Mary asked and Michael shook his head but smiled.

“It was nothing Mary. I am only thinking about my brother’s happiness.”

“No, it’s not nothing…you didn’t hesitate to save my son’s life when he was in danger and you treat my boys like family under your roof. You are a very wonderful and kind person Michael. I hope you know that similarly to Castiel, I see you as a son.” Mary reached for Michael’s cheek and stroked it.

Michael’s cheeks burned and warmth spread across his chest. It had been a while since his face felt a mother’s touch.

“If only I had another son, I could send him your way.” Mary said and Michael chuckled.

“Please Mary, I don’t- it’s not…” Michael stammered and Mary cackled.

“But then again, your eyes are already set on one of my mine.” Mary added and Michael’s eyes blew wide open in surprise.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Michael swallowed in panic.

“Oh I think you do Michael.” Mary winked at him then the kitchen door opened and Dean entered.

“Mom, dad’s been looking for you-,” Dean stopped when he met Michael’s eyes.

Mary grabbed Michael’s attention to whisper. “But don’t you worry, no good deed can remain unrewarded.”

She then placed a hand on his shoulder before walking toward the door.

“Honestly that father of yours Dee, I can’t leave him by himself.” Mary said before leaving Dean and Michael one more smile then exiting the room.

The moment after, Michael and Dean just stared at each other. There were so many words that swirled around the room but none of them seem to land in Michael’s mouth.

Instead of addressing the elephant in the room, Michael decided to engage in small talk.

“Your mother was just telling me how happy she was with your engagement.” Michael lied but it was the only thing that he could think of to alleviate the tension in the room. If he left, then it would only stir suspicion.

“Uh huh, moms- they can’t wait to get you married and give them grandchildren.” Then Dean stopped upon realizing what he just said. “Sorry I forgot that you and Cas don’t have a mom.”

Michael scoffed at the notion. “Don’t worry Dean, you did not hurt my feelings.”

“Oh okay…” Dean walked closer and placed a hand on the kitchen counter. He stood there fidgeting and it was starting to bother Michael. He gazed upon his ring and held it close to his chest.

“Cas said that you gave him this ring.” Dean rolled the golden item around his finger. “Said it was your mother’s.”

Michael nodded. “Yes it was.”

“Is it true?” Dean asked and Michael raised an eyebrow. “You gave him this ring to give to me?”

Michael carefully nodded as pain started to mask Dean’s expression.

“You told him to ask me to marry him?” Dean asked and Michael tried to ignore the pain in his voice.

“Yes I did.” Michael admitted and almost heard the pain of betrayal in his voice. It hung heavily in the air.

“Huh...” Dean continued to play with the ring. “Cas beat me to it. Thought I was gonna be the one who’ll get on my knee and give him a ring. Makes me feel like the girl in the relationship.”

“Don’t say that.” Michael chuckled. “There’s nothing wrong with being given a ring.”

“Yeah but it still feels weird to me.” Dean confessed and Michael raised an eyebrow again.

“In what way?” Michael shakily asked.

“It feels- I dunno what it is but I feel like we’re rushing into this whole marriage thing.” Dean said and Michael shook his head.

“Nobody is pushing you two to get married straight away. Castiel is still in school and there’s no rule in how long you have to be engaged before getting married.”

“I know that!” Dean exclaimed. “It’s just that- I was gonna take Cas back even without the ring, y’know? He didn’t have to get on one knee.”

Something tugged Michael’s heart. Maybe it was the fact that he deserved Gabriel and Sam’s knowing looks.

“Well do you love my brother?” Michael asked and Dean groaned.

“Yeah but it’s-,”

“Answer the question Dean. Are you still in love with Castiel?” Michael asked again and Dean sighed in surrender.

“Of course I am.” Dean answered and it still hurt Michael every time he hears it.

“Then like I said before- it is all the reassurance that you need. You have nothing to worry about.” Michael replied and Dean bit his lower lip in shame.

The tension intensified but Michael couldn’t find it in himself to exit. All it took was a few words and he could be out the room in a moment’s notice but his feet wouldn’t let him. It didn’t help that Dean barely moved, only to play with the ring on his finger.

“I don’t even know what’s going to happen after this. After Cas graduates I mean.” Dean confessed and Michael listened intently.

“Well you’ll think of something when you get there. There is no use in worrying about it now. All you need to know is that you and Castiel are meant to be together and that’s it.” Michael could hardly believe the words rolling out of his mouth. They were like knives that he stuck to himself with no remorse. “I’m sure whatever you two decide will be for the best.”

“Yeah but I don’t know how it’s gonna work, it’s either Cas goes over here or I go over there. I can’t see us meeting halfway somewhere.” Dean chuckled and wiped his cheek in worry since Michael could tell that he was picturing what his life was going to be like.

“Since I don’t want Cas to juggle travelling and studying, it’s most likely that I’m gonna be going over there to visit him. It’s a lot of hours driving baby and a lotta gas money that I could use for a plane ticket.” Dean chuckled and so did Michael.

“I think you’d rather pay for gas than fly over there. You hate flying.” Michael commented and Dean nodded.

“Hate it, it’s cramped and I can’t afford first class unless I wanna go broke after one trip.” Dean explained but Michael knew what was really the problem.

“Save it Dean, I know you’re just afraid of flying. Don’t deny it.” Michael pointed out and Dean’s narrowed his eyes.

“Well you can’t blame me if I prefer my feet planted firmly on the ground…or on baby’s pedals thank you very much.” Dean hissed and Michael laughed out loud.

“It’s not funny! How’d you even know that I’m scared of flying anyway? I never told you that.” Dean asked.

“Uh Castiel told me. I think you mentioned it to him once.” Michael quickly made a lie because the person who told him that fact was standing right in front of him.

Dean furrowed his brow and was about to say something when the kitchen door opened to let Castiel through.

“Dean! There you are, I was looking for you.” Castiel said and walked over next to Dean before planting a kiss on his fiancé’s lips. Michael took a step back, not realizing how close he was to Dean.

“What’s up babe?” Dean asked.

“Bobby’s here. He’s looking for you; he wants to see the ring.” Castiel replied and Dean checked his finger where the ring glistened.

“Okay.” Dean turned to Michael. “Let’s join everyone.” Michael complied and followed the couple to the room full of people. Bobby was talking to Jody and Ellen about something before he noticed Castiel and Dean walking toward him. Michael remained behind, at a safe distance from the couple and noticed Sam and Gabriel’s eyes on him again.

He saw their gaze through his peripherals but he pretended not to notice it.

“There’s the bride to be. Can’t believe this idjit’s getting hitched! What was going through that funny head of yours Cas?” Bobby ruffled Dean’s hair and everyone laughed.

“You gotta believe it old man, the proof’s wrapped around my finger.” Dean showed him his hand.

“Don’t call me an old ma-,” Bobby stopped upon gazing at the golden ring.

“Could I have a look at that?” Bobby pointed at the ring and Dean started to pull the ring off.

“What do you think of it?” Dean asked before handing it to Bobby, who cleared his throat before answering.

“Looks nice and simple. Straight to the point.” Bobby replied and inspected the item some more.

“It may look simple but that ring has been in my family for generations.” Castiel commented and Bobby merely looked at the ring in shock. “It also has a Latin inscription inside that says: Tibi in omne tempus, which means-,”

“For you. Forever.” Bobby translated and Castiel nodded.

“Yes, did you also study some Latin Bobby?” Castiel asked Bobby whose expression was covered in disbelief.

“A little bit.” Bobby searched through the crowd and stopped as he found Michael. “Actually I heard it somewhere before…”

Bobby’s expression gradually turned from shock to anger upon realizing something.

“Where did you get this ring son?” Bobby asked Castiel and Michael’s brother searched the crowd to find Michael standing there, immobilized by Bobby’s piercing glare. When Michael tried to look away, he caught Gabriel and Sam’s expressions and both men shook their heads.

“Michael gave it to me. He also gave us his blessing to be married.” Castiel added.

“I’m sure he did.” Bobby said but he tried not to sound so bitter about it.

Amidst the crippling glares from different parts of the room, John suddenly grabbed everyone’s attention.

“Now that everyone’s here. I wanna make a toast-,” John held a glass up. Mary appeared behind Bobby and gave the older man a glass.

“It’s not every day you get to get to give your son away for marriage- thought I didn’t have to do that because I didn’t have a daughter.” John joked and chuckled a little. “But I couldn’t be happier and honored knowing that our Dean is safe in the hands of someone as kind, compassionate, smart and caring as Castiel. I couldn’t ask for a better son-in-law for my Dean.”

Michael tried not to let the jealousy bite too much. “As behalf of us Winchesters, I’m proud of you boys. I’m excepting grandchildren in the future.”

Everyone broke into clamor laughter and applause except for Bobby, who was still giving Michael a death stare.

“Now don’t let me do all the talking, let’s hear something from the Novak side. Michael-,” John turned the attention of the room to Michael. “Can you say a few words for Cas and Dean? In this room, you’re the eldest Novak of your family.”

Everyone’s eyes were on Michael including Castiel and Dean’s. Especially Castiel and Dean’s.

“I-I…” Michael stammered. “I would be honored.”

Michael looked down to his drink and made a silent prayer of forgiveness to the Almighty, who was clearly punishing him.

“I didn’t have a speech planned because I was not aware that I had to present one before all of you. To Winchester’s family and friends.” Michael looked over to where the Harvelles, Charlie and Garth were sitting. “Which would soon be joined with us Novaks.” Then Michael turned to where Gabriel and Sam were standing.

“I don’t have much to say but other than the fact that-,” Michael faced Dean and Castiel and looked at their faces. “Actually, I don’t think I’m the best person to be giving this toast because there was a time when I did not approve of Dean. I even tried separating him from my brother most ardently.”

Castiel beamed at Dean and his fiancé smiled back. Michael felt as if daggers were ripping his ribcage open.

“But that was the past and times have changed. I have grown to know Dean and realize that if anyone were to be more suitable and perfect for my Castiel, it was the man who could hear the word ‘PIE!’ from a ten-mile radius from where he stood.” Michael exclaimed and everyone in the room laughed.

Dean blushed in embarrassment and mouthed, ‘Love me some pie…’ like he always did.

“Despite his insolence, arrogance, vulgarity, gluttony and occasional unhygienic behavior…” Michael felt his memories calling out to him. They sounded like Dean’s voice from all those years ago. He shook his head to get rid of them.

“I must admit that Castiel is very lucky to have such a brave, strong, intelligent- though he would never admit to it, and righteous man.” Michael was struggling not to cry.

He told himself not to but it was easier said than done.

“Castiel and Dean are making the best decision of their lives. To officiate what they have is something to be celebrated and looked up to. If I were to be in a relationship, I would wish it to be like Castiel and Dean’s.”

Memories of him and Dean flashed before his eyes, there were hundreds to choose from.

“The way they look at each other reminds me of the **faith** that only the most loving couples share.” Michael looked at Mary and John however a flicker of him and Dean appeared and he had to blink a few times to regain his composure.

“They support each other through thick and thin and it brings anyone so much **hope** for the future.”

Michael tried to suppress the memories but there was just so many. He tried to resist each and every single one with whatever strength he had left.

“Their **love** for each other burns like a never ending summer. An eternal season untouched by any winter.” Now even Mary was crying, so was Ellen, Garth and Samandriel.

But worse of all, Dean was crying and Michael couldn’t possibly hope to know why.

Perhaps he was touched like Michael. However, Michael had other reasons…

 “I am so happy that I’m giving Castiel away.” What Michael wanted to say was ‘Dean’ and he wasn’t supposed to say ‘hapy’. “I truly am and I wish you both every happiness there is.”

Michael sobbed out and prayed that everyone in the room took his emotions as a sign of joy instead of grief, his insides were in agony.

“To Castiel and Dean.” Michael raised his glass and everyone repeated after him.

“To Castiel and Dean!” Then the clamor ensued as Michael sobbed while Castiel and Mary pulled him in for a warm hug. If Bobby, Gabriel and Sam were glaring at him before, they were now covered in deep frowns.

And if Dean was looking at him through the crowd, Michael didn’t look back. Whether Dean looked at him with bitterness, resentment, disappointment or all of the above- Michael couldn’t tell.

If it was the Old-Dean who was looking at him then he was probably right however, there were too much tears in his eyes to comprehend what was happening.

After all, nobody in the room hated Michael more than himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a horrible person... I actually cried writing this chapter.  
> Let me know what you think and feel!


	28. Chapter 28- Sackloth and Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now don’t go thanking me yet. You gotta go through hell again…” Michael nodded but Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder. “But this time, you don’t have to face it alone.”
> 
> “This time you’ve got Gabriel, Sam and me looking out for ya. We’ve got your back even if it all goes to hell. Understand?”
> 
> A soft smile formed on Michael’s face. “I do. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay however university has started and I got a ton of things to do. 
> 
> Warnings for this Chapter:  
> Dub-Con  
> Non-Con  
> Drug Use  
> All of these are inflicted on Michael for plot purposes. 
> 
> Don't worry, no rape happens.

[](http://s79.photobucket.com/user/penultimateaxis/media/Fanfiction/AwakeMichael%20and%20Dean_zpsukuhzw6q.jpg.html)

**-Michael-**

When the engagement party ended, Gabriel, Sam and Bobby cornered Michael on his way back home. He thought he slipped past them since he left as soon as everyone started saying goodbye to the Winchesters.

“Dammit Michael.” Bobby grunted. “What on earth did you get yourself into?”

Michael bowed his head in shame. “It’s for the best.”

“Horse shit it’s for the best. You’ve basically screwed yourself more than ever now that Castiel and Dean are getting married.” Bobby hissed while Gabriel and Sam remained silent.

“It was the only way that I could think of in order to save Castiel and Dean’s relationship. Dean was unsure of Castiel’s faith and Castiel was in doubt of his future with Dean- I had to interfere.”

“But Michael-,” Gabriel cut in. “That’s the complete opposite of what Sam and I have been trying to tell you. You need to learn how to stop controlling everyone around you. Castiel and Dean’s relationship problems are their own. You shouldn’t always have to jump in and fix whatever issue they have. It’s not right and it’s-,” Gabriel bit his lip and Michael raised an eyebrow.

“It’s what? Tell me brother.” Michael commanded.

“It’s sick. That’s what it is.” Bobby interjected. “I told Gabriel and Sam here what happened between you and Dean before. About the fact that the same thing happened all those years ago.” Bobby stepped forward. “Dammit, after all this time, are you still blaming yourself for what happened?”

Michael gritted his teeth and clenched his fists to his side. “Yes. Of course I do Robert. You know I never stopped blaming myself for the fact that everything went to hell. Dean got into an accident and it was all because of me. I was the one responsible for his amnesia-,”

Then Bobby stepped forward and slapped Michael across the face.

“I won’t have you talk like that in front of me boy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: don’t blame yourself for what happened to Dean. Ever. You understand me? If I have to hear you moan about causing that accident, I’ll smack you harder than before, you hear me?” Bobby shouted and Michael closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Michael blurted out of instinct. “I’m sorry for blaming myself and I’m sorry for everything. I just-,” Tears started rolling down his cheek. “I don’t know what to do anymore. No matter what I do, someone always gets hurt and I’ve been trying so hard to fix everything but to no avail. Whatever I do, the result is always catastrophic. I’m a plague to you all.”

Michael’s breath hitched and Gabriel stepped in to wrap his arms around him.

“You’re not a plague Mikey. You’re just a dumbass sometimes but we know you mean well. This time we know, you were only thinking of what’s best.” Gabriel started wiping Michael’s tears away.

A moment passed before Bobby sighed and groaned in frustration.

“Come to the garage tomorrow, son.” Bobby addressed Michael. “Give yourself some time to think tonight because tomorrow, we’re gonna talk.”

“Talk about what?” Michael asked and Gabriel let go of him.

“About what’s been going on with you…” Bobby paused for a second. “I need to know so that we can hopefully fix whatever you screwed up. Understand?”

Michael nodded but he shivered at what he just agreed to.

“Now get your butt home. All of you.” Bobby looked at everyone. “Ya’ll have given me enough headache for one lifetime.”

***

 

The very next day, Michael arrived at Bobby’s doorstep before mid-day. He walked through the creaky halls and remembered the times when he walked into the kitchen with Dean and Bobby sitting at the table, talking or laughing about something. Dean always had the brightest smile and the most infectious laugh.

Unlike before, only Bobby sat at the table, a sup of coffee in one hand and the newspaper on the other. Not a sound of laughter or trace of happiness lingered in the room. And if it did, it sounded like a millennium away.

“Hello Bobby.” Michael approached the older man and Bobby got up to greet him with a hug.

“How ya feelin’?” Bobby asked.

“Do you really want to know?” Michael responded and Bobby rolled his eyes at him. The older man asked him to take a seat before getting up.

“Just making small talk son.” Bobby walked to the kitchen counter and grabbed a coffee mug from the cupboard, some sugar, and coffee on the side. 

“You really don’t have to.” Michael tried stopping him but the older man insisted.

“Yeah I know I don’t have to but you’re gonna drink what I make you.”

Once Bobby was finished, he returned to his seat and handed the cup to Michael. As usual, the coffee was made perfectly as always.

“So wanna tell me what’s been happening with you lately?” Bobby asked and Michael cleared his throat.

“Well to tell you the truth, there hasn’t been much- just the usual stuff.” Michael took a sip before continuing.

“I’ve been failing as a brother…to Gabriel and Luke. I sent Luke away through blackmail…because he couldn’t keep the secret…Even went as far as threaten Gabriel and Sam, but they forgave me. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for myself…you know me. I always somehow end up being a control freak.”

Michael slumped on his seat while Bobby listened intently. One way or another, he would always find himself like this, sharing his troubles to the older man.

“Oh and I also found Anael.”

“Who’s that?” Bobby asked.

“Anna, my only sister. One of my sources found her and I used the information to blackmail Luke. I told him to go away otherwise, he’d never find Anna or Father. I used it as leverage to keep my siblings in line. I’m really twisted that way, if you haven’t noticed already.”

Michael stared at his coffee and sighed in despair.

“My siblings hate me.”

“No they don’t.”

“They do. Or at least they hate what I’ve become.”

“Nu-uh.” Bobby shook his head disapprovingly. “They don’t hate you. You’ve just been too busy to notice. You’re an idiot to think that.”

“You’ve said that to me before.” Michael commented and Bobby nodded.

“Cause it’s true. If you stop being such an uptight son of a bitch for once, maybe you’ll realize how much your siblings actually care about you.” Bobby pointed at Michael’s face.

“Well like Gabriel said yesterday…I don’t know how.” Michael grinned but he wasn’t in a happy mood. Not really.

“Or you just choose not to.” Bobby disdainfully said but Michael didn’t comment on it. He merely sipped his coffee and let it sit in his mouth to tongue the bitterness before swallowing.

“Come outside will ya?” Bobby nudged Michael’s elbow which made the other man raise an eyebrow.

“What for?”

“To do something we haven’t done in a while.” Bobby got up and headed to the back door. “C’mon.”

Michael followed while carrying his coffee mug. Outside, the sun burned the earth and all around it was blue. Further out the lawn, Michael could see wooden planks in the shape of a human frame and painted in black like a silhouette. Bobby reached for one of his rifles.

“Remember this?” Bobby cocked his gun and aimed at one of the planks before pulling the trigger.

The bang sent the birds soaring up into the blue sky.

A bullet went straight through the head of one of the wooden planks- almost perfectly at the center.

“How can I forget?” Michael placed his mug down while Bobby handed him the rifle.

He took aim at another plank and fired.

More birds soared into the sky.

“You’ve been practicing?” Bobby asked and pointed at the bullet hole on the other plank.

“I never stopped.” Michael noted and shot two more rounds, making the hole on the plank wider with every bullet.

“Show off.” Bobby grunted while a wide grin formed on Michael’s face.

Bobby took the rifle and shot two more rounds at his target but missed the head on the last one.

“Dammit.”

“Practice makes perfect old man.”

Bobby turned to Michael and pointed the gun. “What was that?”

Michael went wide eyed to act scared. “I said the safety’s off.”

“Yeah right.” Bobby grumbled before handing him the gun and Michael took his turn. He shot his target’s heart with three rounds while Bobby watched in the side.

“Still one of the best shots I know. Maybe even better than Ellen.”

Michael snickered at the compliment. “Don’t talk like that Bobby. If she hears it, she’ll put a bullet between your eyes.”

Bobby gawked at how true the statement was.

“Dean thought you were the best.” Bobby added and the grin on Michael’s face immediately dissipated.

“Now there you go again.” Michael looked away from Bobby.

“Don’t give me that look, son. You can’t keep beating yourself up every time someone mentions your past or Dean’s. It’s not right.”

“Well it’s not easy when you know how I feel about the subject. No matter what you say, I will always blame myself for what happened and for the aftermath. And no amount of slaps across the face or lecture from you can change that.”

Bobby’s expression gradually softened from its toughness until Michael felt a sinking feeling in his chest that he could not erase no matter how hard he tried.

“Maybe it’s because you’ve been going about it the wrong way.” Bobby muttered and Michael turned to the older man.

“What do you mean?”

Bobby sighed before continuing. “Maybe the reason why you can’t stop blaming yourself is because you won’t give yourself a chance.”

Michael furrowed his brow and turned his whole body toward the other man.

“The solutions been right in front of you this whole time but you’re just too scared to face it because of the consequences.”

“And what is that?” Michael was afraid to ask.

“Tell him the truth.” Bobby casually answered and Michael’s frown deepened.

“I can’t do that.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because of Castiel-”

“No enough with the excuses Michael. This whole charade has been eating you up for years and it’ll never end until you tell him the truth. Tell both Dean and Cas the truth. Sooner or later, Dean will hear about his past or worse, he might remember and it’ll only make you look like the bad guy. You can prevent this from happening by taking the initiative.”

“But Bobby, what if it will only cause more problems after?”

“No ifs or buts Michael. I know I shouldn’t be saying this but what’s the worst that could happen huh? Castiel and Dean hears about it might be difficult to grasp at first but at least now they’ll know what happened and from there, they could make a decision on what to do with themselves! They’re adults Michael, let them decide for themselves.”

“And what if Dean never remembers?” Michael immediately added and devastation masked Bobby’s expression. “Am I supposed to just live with that fact?”

Tears were building in Michael’s eyes as Bobby bowed his head in despondence.

“Even if Dean won’t remember or if he don’t believe it- at least you’ve done your damnest to do the right thing, even if it’s a few years too late. I know it seems so unfair and cruel to ask you to do this but in the end…you can be free of guilt and move on.”

Bobby stood up and placed a hand on Michael’s shoulder.

“Because Lord knows you deserve it.”

Michael stared into the older man’s eyes and saw only pity. Pity which he felt for himself every single day since that fateful event.

“Okay then. I’ll tell them.” Michael conceded and he was not spiteful or bitter about it. In fact, he felt something that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

An honest resolve.

“I’ll tell them the truth…because they deserve it and because…” Michael looked into the distance where his wooden target stood.

Instead of a black silhouette, he saw his old self.

The Michael from three years ago.

He stood there and frowned at him.

“Because I deserve to move on.” Michael muttered and Bobby gave him a pat on the back.

“That’s right son. For once, think of what’s best for yourself.” Bobby said before pulling Michael in for a hug.

“Thank you, Bobby.” Michael returned the gesture and let a moment pass before breaking it off.

“Now don’t go thanking me yet. You gotta go through hell again…” Michael nodded but Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder. “But this time, you don’t have to face it alone.”

“This time you’ve got Gabriel, Sam and me looking out for ya. We’ve got your back even if it all goes to hell. Understand?”

A soft smile formed on Michael’s face. “I do. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Bobby replied before sitting back down in his seat. “Now why don’t you show me how good you still got it.”

“Very well.”

Michael straightened himself and took aim at his target. Bobby could probably see a wooden plank but to Michael, it was his old self.

The Michael from three years ago stood before him with an expressionless face.

Michael pulled the trigger and aimed for his chest.

Perfect shot. The birds in the sky started squawking.

He pulled the trigger again. And again. And again.

Until he could picture his other-self, bleeding from his chest and blood dripping at the corners of his mouth.

Bobby complimented him in the background but he didn’t hear properly as he consolidated all his focus on his target. Himself.

He pulled the trigger once more and a bullet went straight through his other-self’s forehead. That Michael’s body fell back in slow motion until his back hit the ground. Dead.

Michael put the gun down and looked at the dead body in Bobby’s lawn.

He hated his old-self and what he did. The old-Dean probably hated him too- correction, he definitely hated that Michael.

That Michael made poor choices and bad decisions. Even now, Michael was still being haunted by his past but now, the only way was up.

He could finally put that Michael and all his ghosts to rest.

***

 

Even though Michael had finally made a decision to tell Castiel and Dean the truth, he couldn’t think of when to do it.

He contemplated countless of negative implications such as ruining Castiel and Dean’s relationship, even Castiel’s education. They might never speak to him again, probably even look at him in the eye. All these factors were taken into consideration of course and he had been telling himself these complications for a while now to convince himself that keeping his past a secret was the right thing to do.

Unfortunately, that reason was no longer valid and now he was faced with probably the toughest decision of his life.

Probably even tougher than the time when he decided to send Dean back to his family, unaware of their summer together.

The very thought made him miserable and in the mood for drinking.

“What’s got you so glum?” A random man took the seat next to him in his booth at Benny’s bar. Since both Castiel or Dean could be in his house, he chose to take his thoughts elsewhere, otherwise one of them will question him and that’s not what he wanted right now.

“Just a lot on my mind.” Michael answered the man who was quite good-looking and refined. The random man wore a suit and he had light brown hair and slightly tanned skin, probably running since his suit was tightly fitted.

“My name’s Rich, mind if I join you? Hopefully, I can help take your mind off whatever it is that’s making that handsome face of yours sad. For it’s such a shame, you’re too good-looking to be sad.”

Ah, why wasn’t Michael surprised that he was getting hit on.

“I appreciate your compliment; however, I am afraid that I might not be in the mood for entertaining anyone tonight. I’d hate to ruin your mood in such a fine evening.”

Rich’s eyebrows went up but not from being offended perhaps. Then he slid closer next to Michael.

“I think you won’t. Not when you’re finer than this evening.”

Michael chuckled like he always did at such a cheesy remark. He giggled and smiled at Rich’s flirtations but not because he wanted to. It was out of politeness since no matter how many times Michael tried, Rich wouldn’t leave.

“I need to use the bathroom; do you mind?” Michael asked even though he didn’t really need the other man’s permission. He made a bee line to the bathroom and hoped that Rich would be gone by the time he returns but instead, he remained sitting there.

“Ah you’re back.” Rich even managed to get two glasses of beer. “I brought us drinks. Hope this’ll cheer you up.”

Though Michael wasn’t in a mood for another drink, maybe he needed it.

Tonight was turning out sourly and if this was the only way to tolerate Rich’s presence.

“Thank you. I hope it will.” Michael took the seat opposite to Rich and clasped his fingers around the glass.

Then they joined their glasses together and Michael downed his drink.

***

 

For some odd reason, Michael couldn’t find it in himself to leave the booth. In fact, he couldn’t do or think clearly as it dawned on him that Rich might’ve put something in his drink.

He should know better than to take candy or alcohol from strangers.

Unfortunately, Michael was incoherent and his senses was hazy. Rich now sat next to him, running a hand up and down his thigh with a smarmy smirk on his face. Michael wanted to say something but al he could do was smile like an idiot as the effects of whatever it was in his drink, took full effect.

“Look at you. Happy as can be.” Rich leaned closer along with his hand toward Michael’s crotch. Whatever Michael had, there must have been some aphrodisiac since his pants were tight and his straining erection sought release.

“Looks like something else is happy.” Rich said and thumbed the tip of Michael’s erection over the fabric. Michael felt dizzy and the room seemed to spin even though he wanted to stop the other man.

“How about I take you to my place and we could play there?” Rich asked but Michael tried shaking his head.

Unfortunately, it resulted in him leaning forward and planting his forehead on the crook of Rich’s neck and shoulders.

“I’ll take care of you hehe.” Rich muttered but Michael could barely comprehend much of what was going on.

Surely he was frightened and internally panicking however he could do nothing but gurgle a sound or whine.

All seemed lost when suddenly, someone appeared and removed Rich away from him. This resulted in Michael’s head resting on the back rest of the booth. Perhaps he was drooling but he couldn’t tell.

“Michael!” He heard a familiar voice. It sounded indistinct however all he could make out was a bright green light glowing before him. It looked pure and he wanted to touch it.

“Pretty…” Michael muttered and held a hand out and felt a bristly texture at the tip of his fingers.

“Michael are you alright? What’s going on?”

That voice.

There was no doubt about it.

It was Dean.

After what felt like forever, the effects of the whatever Rich gave Michael started to wear off but not enough. He saw plenty of flickering lights and rumbling noises. He couldn’t make sense of anything but what he could do was focus on the figure which predominantly consolidated his senses.

“Alright Michael, we’re almost at the hospital. We’ll get someone to check whatever that dickhead slipped in your drink.”

It was Dean and from what Michael can gather, they were sitting somewhere. And moving.

The Impala perhaps.

“Dean…” Michael muttered before leaning to his side and tried his best to focus on the other man’s presence.

***

 

**-Dean-**

“Hey Michael- Michael, are you with me?” Dean nudged the other man who almost looked like he was melting on the passenger seat. He was just on his way out to talk with Benny about something that’s been bothering him lately. Something that he couldn’t talk about to Cas just yet. 

As happy as he was getting engaged, Dean couldn’t help but feel bad about something that he couldn’t point out. Suddenly, when he found Michael getting felt up by some corporate douche bag in a suit and tie, the bad feeling in his chest sorta made sense.

Dean didn’t know why but something inside him instantly snapped and before he knew it, he was dragging the guy away from the booth and checking to see if Michael was alright. When Michael couldn’t say a single word from the English language, Dean grabbed the corporate douchebag by the collar and asked what he gave Michael.

Apparently he didn’t know except for the fact that it could get Michael to ‘perform’ in bed.

Dean asked Benny to call the cops and had the guy arrested. Apparently, the police had been looking for a date-rape drug rapist and the guy matched their description.

The police congratulated Dean however he was more interested in getting Michael to a hospital more than anything, since ambulances costed a fortune.

“Hey stay with me. Stay with me, don’t go passing out just yet. We don’t know what that guy gave you.”

Michael made a strange groan and slumped further into his seat.

“M’sorry…” Michael muttered and Dean shook his head before returning his eyes toward the road.

“Nah it’s all good, sometimes we forget not to take candy from strangers, am I right?” Dean grinned at the other man out of instinct, not as if Michael could even understand what was going on right now.

“You’ve got bad luck of people drugging you Mike. You need someone to look after you.” Dean stated before shaking his head.

“Sorry…” Michael murmured and Dean merely chuckled.

For the rest of the trip, they drove in silence apart from hearing Michael gurgle or groan here and there. At least he didn’t get sick and throw up all over baby. Now Dean might never forgive him for that. Instead, Dean carried the man by shoulders and dragged his sorry ass into the hospital where he stumbled upon a familiar nurse.

“Dean?” Dean remembered her name, Tessa. She was the pretty nurse with the short black hair and blue eyes.

“What’s going on? What happened to Michael?” Tessa asked.

“Found him being felt up by some guy at a bar. His drink’s been spiked, the police arrested the guy.” Dean explained and Tessa shook her head in disbelief.

“Jesus Michael…” She assisted Dean before calling another nurse. “I’ll have someone look at him, do you need to be somewhere?” Tessa asked and Dean shook his head.

“Nah, I think I should call his siblings.”

“Okay, but could you just stay with him for now while I go get a doctor to check up on him. Hopefully the drugs don’t have fatal side effects and should eventually leave his system. Is he hurt by any chance?” Tessa asked and Dean shook his head.

“Nah, I think I just made it there in time before that sick bastard had his way with him.” Dean replied and a soft smile appeared on Tessa’s face.

“Thank you.” She replied before excusing herself to find a doctor.

While they waited, Michael wobbled and Dean had to make sure he stayed upright.

“Hey- hey stay with me. You’re gonna be alright.” Dean held Michael by the shoulder which resulted in the other man’s body slumping on his.

“Jesus you’re heavier than you look.” Dean pointed out and luckily there wasn’t a lot of people around otherwise they’d ask questions.

“I’m sorry Dean.” Michael mumbled while Dean helped him sit properly.

“It’s okay. Think of it as pay back for what you did to me before.”

Michael didn’t answer, instead a wide smile formed on his face. His eyes fluttered and pupils dilated as he stared into empty space.

Suddenly Tessa arrived with a doctor and took Michael somewhere in the hospital while Dean tagged along. He answered their questions honestly and assured him that Michael was gonna be alright. Nevertheless, he couldn’t stop worrying.

They took Michael to the same hospital wing that Dean was in ages ago. It felt as if forever since that incident with Gabriel’s knock out gas and he could almost picture Michael standing there waiting for him to wake up.

Perhaps this time, Dean could pay his debt and wait for Michael to get better.

For a while now, Dean had been feeling this strange sense of guilt whenever he was around Michael. Maybe it was from all the crap he did since he met Cas and up until he got Michael drugged by Luke. Maybe it was all the other times when he was such a dick head to Cas’ brother. Maybe it was a mix of it all but Dean couldn’t a finger on it.

So he tried his best to befriend Cas’ brother. Maybe it could help get rid of the guilt wearing in his chest.

Or even better…get rid of the stuff that keeps popping out in his head.

Sometimes he would open his eyes and see Michael standing there with that sad look on his face even though he wasn’t there. Or when he was asleep, he would see flashes of Michael’s face and smile. It alarmed him since he’d wake up feeling all sorts of things even though Cas was lying next to him.

It’s been happening for a while but it got worse ever since Cas put a ring around his finger. Something just didn’t add up or didn’t sit well in his stomach.  

He inspected the golden band around his finger and rolled it slightly.

Then he realized that he forgot to call Cas and tell him what happened.

He reached for his phone and pressed Cas’ contact to start the call.

**Hello Dean.**

“Hey Cas, just calling to say that I’m in the hospital right now-,”

 **Why, what happened?** Cas didn’t even let him finish out of panic, evident in his voice.

“Because Michael got drugged by some douchebag in Benny’s bar. Don’t worry, I think he’s gonna be alright. Tessa said he’s gonna be alright but she’s got a doctor checking on him now-,”

Just as soon as Dean said it, Tessa and the doctor walked out of the room and spoke to each other. Dean couldn’t hear them since Cas was talking on phone. The doctor nodded about something and left Tessa.

**Dean? What’s happening? Is Michael alright?**

“Hold on.” Dean placed the phone on his chest to speak to Tessa. “How is he?”

Tessa sighed. “He’s gonna be alright. The effects of the drugs will wear off in time.”

Dean sighed in relief and remembered that he was on the phone to his fiancé.

“Hey Cas, Tessa said he’s gonna be alright.”

**Do you need me to go there?**

Dean thought about it for a second. “No it’s okay. I think I’ll handle things here and be home soon. We can come visit him the morning, how does that sound?”

 **Okay.** Cas sounded annoyed and Dean knew his fiancé was sulking in the other line. He worried too much. Always thinking of other people’s wellbeing.

“Kay, I’ll be with you soon. Love you babe.”

**I love you too Dean.**

 After he hung up, Dean faced Tessa who had a solemn expression.

“Thank god, you made it here in time.” She said with a faint smile.

“Yeah apparently the asshole who did this has been preying on guys for a while now. If the police didn’t get there sooner, I would have ripped that guy’s throat out.” Dean pointed out and Tessa shook her head in disbelief.

“Thank you, for looking out for him Dean.” Tessa said and Dean shrugged humbly.

“Was nothing, he’s a friend of mine and my fiancé’s brother after all.” Dean said and Tessa’s mouth went agape.

“Fiancé? You’re engaged?” Tessa asked and Dean held his left hand up.

“Yep. To Cas. Remember him? Yey high and sensible shoes?” Dean held his hand up to right about his cheek to indicate Cas’ height.

“That ring…” Tessa stared at his left hand before straightening her expression and turning to face Dean. “I’m very happy for you both.”

“Thanks.” Dean replied but he wasn’t convinced with what Tessa said. She excused herself to get the paperwork before he could call her out on it and Dean watched as she disappeared into the hospital.

Instead of standing there feeling a bit lost, Dean entered Michael’s room and saw the man sitting slightly upright due to the bed’s adjustments.  Michael noticed his presence and had a goofy smile on his face.

Dean walked up to Michael’s side and took a seat on the stool which the doctor probably used earlier.

“Well I’m gonna go home now buddy. Hope you’ll be alright by yourself. Don’t go taking drinks from random strangers now.” Dean chuckled and Michael’s grin grew wider.

“Dean…” Michael said with a shit eating grin. “I like you Dean.”

That was unexpected.

However, Dean knew it was the drugs talking so he could only chuckle at the fact that he could make fun of Michael about this later on.

“Yeah I’m starting to get used to you as well bro.” Dean just needed to add ‘bro’ in the end for safe measure. Probably a macho-instinct thing which he developed over the years.

“I really, really like you Dean.” Michael kept going which made a nervous laugh escape Dean’s mouth.

“Okay, maybe I really like you as a friend too.” Dean corrected even though he knew there was no point in talking to a clearly intoxicated Michael.

“I love you.”

Dean stopped and felt his heart skip a beat just then.

He could’ve sworn he heard Michael said the ‘L’ word clearly just now.

“What was that?” Dean asked like how dad did.

“I love you Dean.” Michael said and Dean was surer than ever.

“As friends you mean? You love me as a friend right?” Dean asked.

“No, not as a friend. I loved and love you very much…and always will.” Michael said with no hesitation and Dean had to swallow thickly just to keep himself from having a meltdown.

“No, that can’t be right. Michael, it’s just the drugs that’s talking. You can’t possibly-,” Dean explained but even he wasn’t thoroughly convinced.

“And you love me too.” Michael added and Dean went wide eyed in shock.

“What did you say?” Dean hissed the question.

“You love me too. Very much indeed. And I love you because of it.” Michael smirked like an idiot and Dean tried his best not to lunge forward to grab the other man by the collar.

“Dude, that’s so wrong. I couldn’t possibly-,” Dean was about to say that he couldn’t possibly ‘love’ Michael but somehow he couldn’t get the words to leave his mouth.

As if something was stopping him.

“You’re just mistaking me for your ex.” Dean chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his head.

The goofy smirk on Michael’s face almost quickly dissipated as despair replaced it instead.

“You came back to me. Well…not all of you but you found me at last.” Michael’s expression brightened up as he said those things to Dean.

“Okay buddy but lemme get the story straight. I found you drugged up and being felt up by some guy in Benny’s bar. You really have terrible luck by getting drugged up all the time.” Dean chuckled nervously and shook his head.

“C’mon, it’s time for you to sleep. The drugs in your system’s making you talk gibberish. At least tomorrow, I get to see the look on your face once I tell everyone how much of a sap you are when you’re high.” Dean searched for the remote that could make Michael’s bed lie down. But Michael grabbed his arm and stared intently into his eyes as if he needed to get something across.

“I’m so sorry Dean.”

“It’s okay.” Dean chuckled.

“I’m sorry for not trying enough. For not fighting hard enough for us.” Michael said all these things while looking at Dean’s face. Dean finally found the remote of the bed and pushed the button.

“It’s okay. I forgive you haha.” Dean snickered as he went along with Michael’s stupidity.

Deep down, something was tugging at his chest and pulling his heart strings to the point of snapping. He didn’t know why but it was getting worse the more Michael spoke about his ex.

“Dean I need-I need you to know…” Michael grabbed hold of Dean’s left hand. The gold ring glistened like the wet tears on Michael’s eyes.

“I need you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened and I’ll have you know that I never loved anyone as much as I loved you. I always have and always will. We said some hurtful things but in the end, we always found each other and I never stopped.”

Fat tears fell on Michael’s cheeks. “I never stopped loving you, even if the odds were against us, I never stopped.”

Dean didn’t even realize that he too was in tears.

“What are you talking about Michael? Stop this already! You’re really starting to freak me out.”

Instead of answering straight away, Michael smiled fondly at Dean before placing a hand on the Winchester’s face.

“It’s okay if you don’t remember but it doesn’t matter because I know what we had was real. What we had that summer all those years ago was real.” Michael admitted and Dean’s brows furrowed in confusion.

Dean didn’t speak, he merely wept while Michael smiled softly at him, despite the tears in his eyes.

“You don’t have to remember because you and I both know that you’ll always be my one true love. My one and only.”

“My Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was difficult writing this chapter because I had to write about the different possibilities of what could happen if Castiel and Dean finds out about Michael and Dean's past. 
> 
> I have reread the plot and reused old characters in order to create this milestone of a chapter because let's face it- it was gonna happen sooner or later. 
> 
> I reassure you that I have many other ways to hurt Michael and more flashbacks to write so stay tuned.


	29. Chapter 29- Constant Reminder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa shook her head. “Do you think this is what the old-Dean would want? Do you think this is what he’d want after what happened to the two of you? I don’t even think you know what he wants- what he really wants-,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short one but it's an important chapter for later reasons.

**-Michael-**

When Michael woke up, he was puzzled to find himself in a hospital room. It wasn’t just any hospital as he was familiar with the arrangement of the furniture and the color of the wall paint.

He was in Tessa’s hospital.

Suddenly the door opened and speak off the devil, it was Tessa and she arrived with a tray of food.

“Thought you’d be awake.” Tessa bitterly said and walked toward Michael’s side.

“Tessa- what happened last night?” Michael asked while Tessa crossed her arms and pursed her lips.

“You don’t remember?” Tessa asked but she didn’t let Michael finish. “Dean rushed you to the hospital after someone spiked your drink and tried to make a move on you. You got roofied Michael but I expected better from you.”

Michael tilted his head in confusion.

“Dean brought me here?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Huh.” Michael wondered in silence and tried to recollect what happened. Alas, to no avail.

“Are you hurting anywhere?” Tessa asked and Michael turned to her.

“No, I feel fine.”

“Good.” Tessa nodded then raised her hand in the air to slap Michael across the face.

The sound bounced all over the walls.

“Michael Novak you are a dumbass!” Tessa lunged forward and grabbed Michael by his collar. “Why on earth did you have Dean and your brother engaged? That’s probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever done- probably worse than what you did all those years ago!”

Michael was rendered speechless at Tessa’s fury.

“I’m sorry.”

“Damn right you should be sorry!” Tessa let him go and walked away to groan in frustration.

“God! I cannot believe this is happening!” Tessa covered her face with her hands. “Why?”

“Because it had to be done.” Michael muttered and Tessa’s eyes glared at him.

Michael shifted to turn his body toward her.

“Castiel and Dean were in the brink of separation- Castiel wishes to study on the other side of the country and it brought a dent in their relationship. I had to help fix it somehow.”

“Jesus fuck Michael no one asked you to that! Nobody- if they knew what me and all the others know, then you wouldn’t be in this situation. Better yet, at least you could put your ghosts to rest Michael because dammit this is so wrong! Have you no shame?”

“Of course I’m ashamed!” Michael snapped back. “I’ve been ashamed for a very long time but if there is one thing that I can do to redeem myself to the old Dean- I would do it; you know I would!”

Tessa shook her head. “Do you think this is what the old-Dean would want? Do you think this is what he’d want after what happened to the two of you? I don’t even think you know what he wants- what he really wants-,”

“Neither does anyone!” Michael shouted. “You see Tessa, the old Dean is gone and he’s never coming back so everything I have done, all that I do is to make sure that the new Dean- the one who makes my baby brother happy- the Dean who looks more at peace with himself, can have a bright future. Even if it’s a future without me in it!”

“That’s not true.” Tessa furiously shook her head. “That’s not true and you know it!”

Michael wanted to say something back but instead bit his lip and winced in pain. Internal pain.

“Look, I have made a decision.” Michael muttered softly but Tessa’s expression remained disgruntled.

“I have decided to tell Castiel and Dean the truth.” Michael said which made Tessa’s expression shift to shock.

“You are?”

“Yes.” Michael nodded somberly.

“I shall tell them after Castiel graduates which is very soon. This way, he will not be distracted or hindered by it. Once he graduates, he will receive his portion of my parents’ inheritance and it should be more than enough to support him for good. He can choose to do whatever he wants with his life, even if that choice doesn’t involve my presence. I am ready to accept whatever the consequence of telling the truth will bring.”

Tessa’s expression gradually turned from shock to pain.

“Is that how you think it’s gonna turn out?” she asked and Michael nodded unsurely.

“He has every right to know and more than enough right to be mad. I’ve lost a sibling before, what’s another one going to do?” Michael despondently asked but Tessa didn’t answer.

She merely stood there and looked at him with great pity.

“I can’t believe you just said that, after all that we’ve been through…” There were tears in her eyes but Michael didn’t comment on it. “The old Dean, he wouldn’t let you talk like that.”

Tessa sniffled and she kept a firm gaze at Michael.

“Bobby and your family’s here. As well as Dean and his brother. They’re waiting for you at the reception but I told them to stay put.”

“Tessa-,” Michael called out but Tessa headed to the door.

“I have to go. I’ll tell them to come here and get you. You may be discharged when you’re ready.”

“Forgive me.” Michael pleaded but Tessa shook her head.

“Not until you forgive yourself first. Hopefully someday, you will…” Then she closed the door behind her.

***

 

**-Three Years Ago-**

Around the time before Michael had his major fight with Dean, they were at the peak of their relationship.

There wasn’t a day that went by without Michael holding Dean in his arms or holding his hand or even, giving the Winchester a kiss.

Michael knew Dean was the one. From the moment he said I love you and even during times when Dean tested Michael’s patience, Michael didn’t think there was anyone more fitting to have his heart and soul, than Dean.

“Are you ever gonna tell me why you’ve got a tramp stamp?” Dean asked while he and Michael laid in bed during their post-orgasm bliss.

“It’s not a tramp stamp.” Michael corrected and Dean chuckled.

“Well it’s right on your lower back and above your ass-crack, it’s definitely an ass-crack. Besides, you were quite a slut before you met me so it makes sense.” Dean cackled but Michael gave him an unamused look.

“It’s not a tramp-stamp!” Michael jabbed Dean on the stomach, making the younger man squirm.

“But it is! Everyone knows it’s a tramp stamp!”

“That’s not true. If I did, then I wouldn’t have gotten it in that area to begin with!” Michael snapped back before realizing what he just said.

“Oh. My. God.” Dean’s eyes blew wide open in shock and a hint of amusement.

“Did you get a tramp stamp without realizing?” Correction, Dean’s expression was full of excitement.

“I didn’t know okay!?” Michael blurted out and turned his back on Dean who was rolling around the sheets giggling.

“Babe- you’re like the smartest person I know yet you didn’t know what a tramp stamp was. Whoever gave you that tattoo’s probably still talking about the fact that he had a customer who got a tramp stamp without knowing what it was and what it represents.”

“I’ve been meaning to have it removed but I never got the occasion.” Michael murmured and Dean stopped laughing eventually.

“Aw, don’t start sulking now, I happen to like it. Don’t be grumpy.” Dean sidled from behind and started kissing Michael’s cheek.

“I love it; I was just asking why you got it but if you don’t wanna talk about it then it’s okay.” Dean muttered before guilt urged Michael to concede.

“I got it when I turned 18.” Michael started and turned around to face Dean. Dean listened attentively without a hint of tease in his expression.

“My father left when I was still in high school, leaving me and my siblings orphaned. Castiel, my baby brother was only seven at the time.” Michael paused for a moment. “Ever since then, I took sole responsibility in taking care of my siblings and eventually, becoming the head of the family when I turn eighteen.”

Michael shuffled so his back rested on the pillow while Dean’s rested on his chest. It was their favorite position whenever they had pillow talk or if one of them needed comfort.

“When I became the head of the family, I had to go through mountains of paperwork before it could be made official and since nobody could trace where my father was, he was presumed dead within a year.”

Dean looked up to catch Michael’s frown as if out of instinct.

“I got the tattoo because at the time, I thought that if I could have one thing stable. One thing that won’t leave me, that would be it. A tattoo, it won’t ever fade unless I decide to get rid of it. It would always stay where I want it to be. Never changing, never faltering…even when I grow old, I’ll know it’s still there. It will never leave me.” Michael muttered under his breath and he didn’t even realize that Dean was staring at him.

“I love you.” Dean said out of the blue and it grabbed Michael’s attention.

“Where did that come from?”

“What? I can’t say ‘I love you’ when I feel like it?” Dean asked and Michael shook his head.

“Of course you can, but I was wondering why you said it just then.” Michael admitted.

“I said it because it’s true.” Dean shifted so he faced Michael. “I said it because I need you to remember these words come out of my mouth as they are.”

Then Dean closed his eyes before taking in a deep breath and exhaling.

“I love you.” Dean said again. “No matter how bleak or unsure your future looks, I need you to know how I feel about you by remembering these exact words: ‘I love you’. Always remember.”

Dean commanded and Michael as unsure of what to do.

“I love you. Say it back to me.” Dean ordered and without hesitation, Michael said it back.

“I love you, Dean.” Michael uttered and Dean nodded.

“Good, now you best remember this moment for the rest of your life because I don’t EVER want you thinking that my feelings will change.” Dean grabbed Michael’s hand and placed it on his heart. “I love you and I always will. You have no idea how much you mean to me and every day that I’m with you, I feel more alive and free. I feel free when I’m with you yet at the same time, I don’t want to be without you.”

“That’s contradictory.” Michael commented and Dean nodded.

“It might be so but it’s the truth. I know what I’m about to say is freaking cheesy and if you make fun of me for it, I’ll never do it again.” Dean narrowed his eyes at Michael however Michael pretended as if he didn’t know what he was talking about.

“I won’t. Not with this.” Michael reassured and Dean smiled.

“Good…now I know we’ve only known each other for not very long but I’ll have you know that I have never felt like this with anyone before. I hope you don’t freak out when I say this but I think what we have is real.”

“Think?” Michael asked and Dean corrected.

“KNOW- what we have is real because I can’t see myself with anyone else and I hope you don’t either.” Dean blushed and swallowed thickly before continuing.

“I didn’t just go to another state so I can get some experience on what it’s like to be an adult…truth is, I’m still trying to figure it out and I don’t think I’m ready to take on the world.” Dean said doubtfully.

“But I don’t feel like that when I’m with you. For a while now, I felt as if something was missing…something inside but now, I think I’ve found what I’m looking for.” Dean placed a hand on Michael’s chest. “And it’s right here. Right in front of me.”

Michael didn’t know what to say, he was completely enamored by Dean’s words and ensnared by the soul right in front of him.

“I know it’s freaking cheesy and if you don’t like it then I’m sorry- I’ll never do it again-,” Dean panicked but was cut off by Michael pulling him in for a kiss.

“No, it’s alright. Don’t be embarrassed. That was- the most honest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say to me.” Michael confided and the blush on Dean’s face reddened as if it wasn’t already deep before.

“With all the things you’ve said, I will use this chance to tell you that I love you too.” Michael replied and Dean’s expression was in shock even though he had professed his love for him before.

“I love you because you love me and I want you to know that you’ll always be my one true love. My one and only.”

“My Dean.”

***

**-Michael-**

Everyone arrived not long after Tessa left Michael by himself. Gabriel was furious and promised to seek vengeance for what that scum did to Michael. Apparently nobody could ever lay a finger on his siblings and get away with it.

Castiel on the other hand was not as dramatic. He held Michael in his arms and promised to do all sorts of things for him at home such as do the chores and make him food, Michael told him that he didn’t have to of course.

He reassured them that he was fine and not to worry.

Of course he was talking to the wrong crowd.

Bobby was also there and beside him were Sam and Dean. Sam gave him a get well soon card which Michael gratefully accepted.

On the other hand, Dean stood at the back and wore a strange expression while he watched Michael.

The look made Michael think that he did something wrong but he didn’t know what it was.

Michael tried not to think about it and instead, he thanked Dean in front of everyone. Dean waved it off like his usual modest self.

Then he called Michael a sap when high, as his usual jerk self.

Tessa arrived and handed the discharge papers to Bobby, Dean wanted to take it however Bobby insisted. He had that knowing look in his eyes which Sam and Gabriel probably noticed but didn’t make anything of it.

When it was over, Castiel and Dean led them out of the hospital while everyone followed. Michael walked next to Bobby while Gabriel and Sam were at the very back.

As celebration for Michael’s recovery, Gabriel invited everyone to go out for lunch at Samandriel’s restaurant. For safe measure, Michael rode with Bobby while the other couples went in their respective vehicles.

Only once they reached the Seventh Gate and had something to eat did Michael get a chance to speak to Dean alone.

“Dean, I need to speak with you.” Michael grabbed the Winchester’s attention while everyone went ahead.

“Yeah what’s up?”

Michael cleared his throat before continuing.

“I would like to thank you again for saving my life yesterday.”

“It’s all good. You would’ve done the same to me if I was in your shoes. That’s what friends are for- we look out for each other.” Dean smiled brightly with that smile that made him even more attractive. To Michael at least.

“Even so, it is unusual for me to be so careless and I know Luke has tricked me before but still, I should know better than letting strangers get the better of me.” Michael muttered in guilt before turning his eyes to Dean.

“I hope I didn’t do anything untoward you while I was…you know…out.” Michael stammered.

“You mean high?” Dean asked and Michael swallowed thickly.

“Yes, did I do something wrong? You seem to be troubled by something.” Michael didn’t want to ask but he just had to be sure.

“Nope. Why, you think you did?” Dean asked and Michael tried not to overthink his tone.

It sounded like reverse psychology.

“No, I do not remember. Everything went black after I had that drink.” Michael admitted and Dean clicked his teeth and looked ahead where the everyone was waiting.

“Dean…” Michael felt panic rising in his chest. “Did I do something to you?”

“Nah.” Dean answered with a smile. “You were just mumbling some things.”

“What things?” Michael asked with harsh seriousness in his tone.

“Ohh…” while Dean searched for a response, Michael was close to having a meltdown.

“Just stupid things- like telling Luke to go to bed or Gabriel to stop eating too much candy.” Dean chuckled which made the panic inside Michael’s chest subside.

“Was that it?”

“Yeah man, you were way out of it. Most of the stuff you said made no sense.” Dean snorted and Michael blushed in embarrassment.

“My apologies. I’m very sorry for putting you through that. I can assure you that it won’t happen again. I’ll be more careful next time.”

“It’s all good.” Dean placed a hand on his shoulder. “Like I said, you’re a bit of a sap when you’re completely out of it. It actually makes you funnier.”

Michael darted the Winchester a glare by the remark.

“If you didn’t save my life, I would whack you across the head.”

“Hey, I’m just stating the facts here.” Dean laughed but Michael chose to leave it at that.

He was just happy and relieved that the secret remained safe.

“Come ride in the Impala with me and Cas. You can take the backseat; it’s got plenty of room should you get sleepy or something. Last night, I remember you drooling in between your nonsense.”

“Oh Lord, let’s not talk about last night ever again.” Michael pleaded but Dean simply smiled a toothy grin.

Once they reached everyone, they all returned to their respective vehicles.

In the Impala, Dean put on a cassette which loudly played the chorus to Bon Jovi’s ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’, which instantly had Castiel groaning in frustration.

“Dean, Michael is still recovering from the hospital, can we choose a more serene tune?”

“I thought it’d be appropriate given that Michael was half dead and half alive yesterday.” Dean drummed his fingers on the steering wheel just how Michael remembered.

Michael tried to intervene. “It’s okay Castiel-,”

Castiel cut him off. “No it’s not Dean! Could you please play something else? I hardly think Bon Jovi is suitable for the current passengers.” Castiel bit out but Dean shook his head.

“No can do Cas. Besides, Bon Jovi is good, in occasion.” Dean gave Castiel a toothy grin however Castiel did not seem impressed.

“Okay grumpy bear, I’ll play something else.”

Then ‘Bed of Roses’ started playing and Michael noticed Dean glance at him through the rearview mirror.

“How about this song Michael?” Dean asked and Castiel simply groaned in irritation.

“It’s alright, thank you.” Michael replied.

“See Cas, Michael likes it.”

“Yes well…I like it too.” Castiel muttered and Dean’s grin widened.

“Now you gotta have more faith in me Cas. After all, house rules are: driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his pie-hole.”

Dean chuckled but Castiel merely threw him an unamused look.

Feeling sorry for his brother, Michael held himself back from laughing. Instead, he tried to diffuse the tension.

“It’s cakehole.” Michael corrected which had both Castiel and Dean turning their heads toward him, as if they were confused about something.

So Michael was compelled to explain. “You said pie-hole when you’re meant to say: driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cakehole.”

Dean and Castiel shared a look for a moment before Dean nodded.

“You’re right. Dunno why I said pie-hole.” Dean wondered and returned his eyes to the road while Castiel merely shrugged.  

Michael bit his cheek and curled his fingers into a ball upon realizing what he just said. However, his panic gradually subsided upon noticing Castiel staring at the road while singing to the lyrics of ‘Bed of Roses’. On the other hand, Dean kept glancing at the rearview mirror to look at Michael.

Michael made a mental note to be more careful next time because lately he had been slipping.

There had been plenty of risks lately and last night was no different.

Michael could only push his luck so far, the last thing he wanted was for everything to fall apart before its time.

After all, there would come a time when he was no longer welcome in the same room as Castiel and Dean together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did y'all like Dean's reaction the day after?


	30. Chapter 30- Angel of Penitence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Thanks for coming out tonight. Didn’t think you would come in between your busy schedule. Y’know- with raising your family and everything, since you’re old enough to raise kids.” Dean winked then grinned from ear to ear and Michael snorted.
> 
> “Well of course, I have a tight schedule between toilet training Gabriel and breast-feeding Castiel. It was a miracle that I managed to squeeze you in at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:  
> Hurt Michael
> 
> Apologies for the time jump- I really couldn't think of a logical way to apply this significant plot device right after Michael was discharged from the hospital.

**-Michael-**

The next couple of months felt like a cool summer breeze. It was fleeting, especially for Michael since it was a countdown toward Castiel’s graduation.

Everyone was now aware, those who knew about Michael’s secret, that once Castiel graduates, Michael would finally tell him the truth of what happened between him and Dean all those years ago.

In other words, a catastrophe waiting to happen.

There was no one to blame but himself for this. He brought this on by having Castiel propose to Dean and giving him mother’s ring, the ring which he in fact gave to Dean all those years ago for almost the same reason.

To be with him forever was what Michael promised.

However, it was not so as tragedy befell Michael and Dean’s relationship. Unfortunately, only one of them could remember what happened. For a while now, Dean had been Michael’s friend and at times the only one that he could turn to.

The Winchester seemed to enjoy his company and of course Michael felt the same. As much as he tried to ignore and forget the past, Michael couldn’t deny that he had chemistry with Dean.

“Thanks for coming out tonight. Didn’t think you would come in between your busy schedule. Y’know- with raising your family and everything, since you’re old enough to raise kids.” Dean winked then grinned from ear to ear and Michael snorted.

“Well of course, I have a tight schedule between toilet training Gabriel and breast-feeding Castiel. It was a miracle that I managed to squeeze you in at all.”

“Ha ha! Why do I get the feeling that you wouldn’t mind being called a daddy?” Dean blatantly asked which made Michael choke on his drink.

_‘Daddy.’_

Michael gave Dean a frightened look to make the other man realize what he just said.

“Oh god! I didn’t mean it in that way! Jesus Christ Michael!” Dean quickly beet red and if Michael had a mirror right now, he knew he did the same.

“Let’s change the subject.” Michael coughed out and Dean nodded nervously.

“Yeah let’s…”

“So how are you and Castiel?” Michael quickly asked, still trying to erase Old-Dean’s voice out of his head.

“We’re cool. He’s just really busy studying. So I’ve been in a bit of a dry spell.”

“Dating a high school student will do that to you.” Michael nodded and Dean took a sip of his beer.

They were at Benny’s bar since Benny finally allowed them to come back after causing a commotion before.

For some odd reason, whenever they were at Benny’s bar, something always happened. Something bad.

“That’s good to hear.” Michael muttered and noticed Dean’s ring glisten under the light.

No matter how much time passed, Michael could still feel a pang of jealousy whenever he set his eyes on the ring. Especially after it was placed there by someone else instead of him.

“Have you and Castiel set a date yet?” Michael asked and the question seemed to have caught Dean off guard.

“What’re you talking about?” Dean coughed out before wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

“For the wedding. Have you thought of a date to have it? Spring is almost over and summer is just right around the corner. I think it’s best not to leave so late otherwise everyone will have to cover up.” Michael suggested and Dean huffed at the thought.

“Maybe Cas might even wear his trench coat during the ceremony. He almost never takes it off whenever we’re out.”

Michael chuckled at imagining his brother saying his vows while wearing the trench coat.

“It’s his favorite coat. It belonged to Father.” Michael explained and Dean’s expression looked like he just said something offensive.

“You really respect your dad.” Dean commented and Michael wondered if it was to lift the atmosphere.

“I loved him with all my heart. He was a great man.” Michael noted affectionately.

“He couldn’t have been that great since he just went up and left you guys.” Dean said bitterly and Michael didn’t make a note of it.

“It was his greatest shortcoming. However, I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for him.”

Dean shook his head disapprovingly. “Nah, I don’t buy that whole let em learn by themselves and teach em young crap. It’s just an excuse for lousy parenting.”

“Well, I don’t blame him. I never blame him for what happened. He lost the most important person in his life. It broke him-,”

Dean cut him off. “So you’re saying you don’t matter to him?”

“No but I can understand why he did what he did.”

“Did the rest of your siblings know?” Dean pointed at Michael’s face. “Did Cas when he was seven know why daddy left without saying good-bye?”

Michael slammed his mouth shut then looked down on his drink. Dean seemed to have gotten the message and did the same but with an apologetic look on his face.

“Sorry…I should’ve shut my mouth about him. You probably don’t like talking about your dad.” Michael turned to the Winchester in wonder. “Even Cas looks like that when we talk about his dad.” Dean muttered.

As if by instinct, Michael sought to alleviate the atmosphere between them.

“It’s- It’s no big deal. You were genuinely curious.”

“Yeah but I don’t know why but it pisses me off just thinking about what happened to all of you. You’re family now, Michael. You, Gabe and Cas are family, I hope you know that.”

“I know.” Michael nodded with a wide smile. He was touched by Dean’s words of course and tried not to smile so much.

Could anyone blame him if he couldn’t help it?

Michael knew Dean understood him in a way, even if the other man didn’t remember the past.

There was something about the Winchester that drew Michael in like a moth to a flame. Unfortunately, Michael also knew that the result would only end in flames.

“All this talk of parenting- are you perhaps hinting something to me?” Michael leaned closer to read Dean’s expression. Dean could only raise an eyebrow.

“Hinting what?”

“Are you thinking of becoming a father? Adopting a child with Castiel, perhaps?” Michael asked and to hide his burning jealousy, he plastered a massive smile on his face.

“What? No! Jesus what the hell is wrong with you? Don’t you think it’s too early to be talking about that sort of stuff?” Dean asked and Michael merely gave him a speculative look.

“I don’t know Dean…you were the one who called me ‘daddy’ earlier.” Michael told himself to shut up inside. Right about now would be great.

Dean blushed so hard, he practically moved his seat in embarrassment.

“Christ Michael, we’re not even married yet and you already want nephews and nieces.”

“I am the Godfather after all.” Michael smirked but internally, he was beating himself up for flirting with Castiel’s fiancé.

“You really won’t stop until you see me become an honest man?”

“Well forgive me for thinking about my brother’s happiness.”

“Is that right?” Dean asked and Michael merely chuckled.

They stared at each other for a moment before Michael cleared his throat and looked away. Benny grabbed their attention to ask if they wanted something else to drink, warning them that he would kick them out if they caused any problems as usual.

Unfortunately, Michael and Dean knew they had created quite a reputation.

They ordered another round before Dean continued their conversation.

“All this talk about me and Cas getting married, let’s talk about you this time.” Dean casually stated and Michael nodded as if to give permission.

“Are you seeing anyone?” Dean asked just when Michael was taking a large gulp of his beer.

Michael spewed his drink everywhere. For a moment, Michael thought about whether to approach this by panicking or calmly.

He chose the latter. “Why do you ask?” But truly, he wanted to laugh crazily at such a question.

“Because y’know, you’re an attractive guy, you’re pretty cool and badass in your own way. Just thought you’d have moved on from your previous relationship by now.” Dean explained and Michael didn’t know what to feel about the string of compliments that he just heard.

Michael just sat there with a dumbfounded look on his face. Dean had an expression that expected an answer but not a word would leave Michael’s mouth.

“I didn’t think I’d hear you compliment in me in such a way.” Michael admitted and he cursed his mouth for it.

“Yeah well don’t get used to it.” Dean blushed and Michael wished he didn’t blush like that. “So are you?”

Dean asked and blinked before turning to Michael.

There he was again, with that expectant look.

“No.” Michael answered in a high pitched voice which made him clear his throat in embarrassment. “No I’m not. I’m not seeing anyone at the moment.”

“Huh.” Dean replied before gazing at his drink.

“What brought this about?” Michael asked and Dean thought about what to say first before answering.

“Nothing…nothing really…” Dean looked away when he said it and Michael instantly knew he was lying.

Dean always looked away when he didn’t wanna admit something to Michael.

“Dean.” Michael called out. “Is there something that you want to tell me?”

He said it in his commanding voice, it was the voice that used to make Dean slump and raised his shoulders. And he did just that.

“No. I don’t have anything to say.” Dean uttered and Michael could practically hear the guilt in his tone.

“Are you sure? Because I can tell when you’re lying and I don’t think I need to tell you what I’m thinking right now.” Michael used his reverse psychology that he used to do to the Old-Dean.

As if things never changed, Dean folded.

“Alright! I’ll tell you!” Dean bitterly said and Michael did a little victory dance in his head.

“It’s just…” Dean blushed as he tried to get the words out. “Remember a couple of months ago when you got drugged up by some guy in here?”

Michael remembered the incident though vaguely.

“Yes, what about it?”

Dean’s eyes shifted to the side as if he was reluctant to say something. “Well remember when you asked me if you did anything stupid while you were…you know…”

Michael thought about it for a moment in order to remember.

“Yes, I think I do. You told me that I was a sap.”

Dean fidgeted in his seat. “Yeah I kinda left out something else.”

Michael’s eyes went wide open in surprise. Panic quickly rose in his chest as he tried to remember the incident clearly.

“What is it? Tell me.” Michael commanded shakily.

“You kinda said some things…I don’t know if you wanna hear them.” Dean looked away again but Michael moved his head to grab Dean’s sight.

“Tell me what I said Dean.”

Dean closed his eyes as if he was panicking about something.

“You said you liked me!” Dean blurted out and Michael felt his heart skip a beat.

“W-What?” Michael stammered.

“Actually you said more than that- you said you loved me and that you always will…now I know you were completely out of it so I thought you were talking about your ex but…”

Michael tried recollecting the event but it just wouldn’t appear in his memories.

“But what?” Michael asked as fear crippled his entire being.

“You were pretty certain that you were talking about me. You said I didn’t remember. Like I forgot it or something…sounds crazy huh?”

Michael swallowed thickly. This was certainly wrong. Very wrong in that Dean was not supposed to know any of this just yet.

It was too early.

“No.” Michael muttered.

“No?” Dean asked inquisitively.

“No, I think you misinterpreted me Dean.” Michael pointed out and Dean raised an eyebrow.

“In what sense?”

“In everything.” Michael stated firmly and Dean looked almost disappointed.

Dean shouldn’t be looking like that.

“I was in a very shameful state that night as you are aware-from the drugs-,”

“Yeah but you said my name.” Dean added and Michael felt as if his heart dropped out of his chest.

“I did?” Michael asked and Dean nodded slowly.

“You said that you loved me. You said my name and it was clear as day. You even said you were sure that you were talking about me.” Dean continued. “I even thought that you were…at the time.”

Michael gritted his teeth and searched carefully for what to say next. His whole life possibly depended on what he was going to say next.

“You were wrong.” Michael settled with false honesty. “You can’t possibly believe the things I said…right?”

“I don’t know Michael, you sounded pretty convinced that you were talking to me.” Dean used reverse psychology again and it sounded very much like the time when Michael was discharged from the hospital.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” Dean asked and Michael opened his mouth but nothing came out.

Perhaps telling the truth would be told prematurely.

Michael started to imagine different possible results for what will happen after tonight. He inspected Dean’s expression and could almost see the Old-Dean looking at him.

Maybe Dean would remember and forgive him or even better, return to his arms…

Now that was ridiculous but Michael couldn’t help but imagine it. And Castiel had not even graduated yet.

Michael couldn’t possibly- Dean couldn’t possibly think…

“Because you know you can tell me anything.” Dean interrupted Michael’s tempest of thought and gazed directly into Michael’s eyes. “We’re friends right? I don’t want there to be any problems between us. And if there is, then we could sort it out. Right?”

Suddenly, Michael felt as if the world just shattered into a million pieces. He should be used to the feeling by now but it still hurt somehow.

‘Any problems between us’.

The phrase reverberated through Michael’s skull like an endless torment. Dean described Michael’s feelings toward him was a ‘problem’. That’s all it was.

A ‘problem’.

Michael’s problem.

Even after all this time, Michael was reminded of something.

“Yes.”

Something he had known for a very long time now.

“Yes you’re right Dean. I would tell you if there is any problem between us.”

He had known that it was a losing cause.

“And I should have you know-,”

The Old-Dean…

“That what you heard was nothing more than the ravings of my drug induced state.”

Even the current Dean….

“Everything I said is false and you should forget about it.”

Both Deans thought that Michael’s love was like the flame of a candle.

“Really?” Dean asked and Michael firmly nodded.

“Really.”

The candle would light up the curtains of a house and set everything ablaze.

“So that’s all there is to it? Nothing more that you wanna say?” Dean asked as if he was expecting something else.

Unfortunately, Michael was going to admit to nothing.

“Yes that is all and nothing else. Please forgive me for that incident, I assure you that I will not be so careless. Never again.”

“Okay.” Dean nodded but it should have brought relief in Michael’s chest but instead, it didn’t.

He felt disgusted with himself. Spiteful and angry for who he was.

“We’re still friends aren’t we?” Dean asked and Michael nodded with a smile.

Fake of course.

“Yes, we’re still friends.” Michael assured.

“And I can go to you if I need to talk about something?” Dean asked and Michael nodded again.

“You can go to me for help or just talk. I will have you know that you are important to me Dean.”

“Just as friends.” Dean had to clarify.

“Just as friends.” Michael reassured.

In all honesty, Michael’s anger burned wildly as he sat with Dean and moved on to another subject. Despite sharing a few laughs here and there, deep down, Michael hated his fate.

He knew the cost of keeping his secret was high but he couldn’t believe that even now, he was being humiliated.

Nonetheless, Michael knew he was going to persevere.

Because even though he knew that his love for Dean burned enough to render the world asunder, it was over.

Even after Dean caught a glimpse of what Michael truly felt, unfortunately, it would never be reciprocated.

Such feelings were reserved by the Old-Dean, the one that went away for good.

But even so, Michael felt as if he was beyond redemption. His penance was sitting right next to him, in the form of the man who could never become his. And fate was twisted for reminding him of it.

From now on, every single time he looked at Dean, he could only be angry at himself.

For this was what he asked for.

When Michael returned home that night, he entered his room in a zombie-like state.

He sat on his bed and began laughing hysterically. He laughed and laughed until he was out of breath.

Maybe Castiel and Gabriel heard him. Maybe they’d come into his room and ask what was wrong or why he was laughing.

Nonetheless, Michael didn’t stop laughing. He simply laughed and laughed until tears started rolling down his cheeks, and he didn’t stop.

He giggled maniacally as he curled into a fetal position on his bed. Imagined what the Old-Dean would say to him if he were to see him now.

Michael didn’t want to think about it anymore. He was just so tired. Exhausted from hurting so much.

When Michael fell asleep, he wasn’t sure if he was crying or laughing. Perhaps it was a mix of both.

The last thing he thought was a prayer. He wished that he didn’t wake up tomorrow so the hurting would stop.

He just wanted it to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who likes the thought of Daddy!Michael? I do!
> 
> I also mentioned some plot devices from the second part of this series- Lasting Impressions Are Forever  
> read it but it's Castiel/Dean
> 
> I'm not done hurting him just yet >:)


	31. Chapter 31- Left Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Here goes: I was wondering if you could help me with talking to everyone…announcing to everyone that my engagement with Cas is off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited- a lot of chapters are so my apologies. I am just so exhausted with uni and work, but this fic is my escape and happy/sad place. 
> 
> You all deserve to be entertained somehow.

**-Michael-**

Somehow it was easier to pretend that nothing was wrong in order to cope.

After that night with Dean, Michael’s daily routine barely changed. He still woke up for his morning jogs, read the newspaper during breakfast, do his morning chores before working out in the gym then prepare lunch.

It was what he did when he lost Dean for the first time. All he had to do was pretend that nothing was wrong and make sure other people bought it.

And they did.

Especially Dean, Michael ensured to smile and turn the air around the Winchester, just a little more pleasant than the others.

It wasn’t difficult to do since he had done it before; during the time when Dean returned to Michael’s life.

Michael didn’t really have a particular agenda or doing it, other than the fact that he was psychologically preparing himself for the inevitable.

In other words, something inside Michael had snapped and perhaps it took him this long to realize it. At least he was more at peace with it or not at peace…if that made sense.

Eventually, Castiel and Sam graduated with flying colors and Michael could not be prouder. They even received scholarships from Stanford University and Dean thought it was Michael’s doing. It wasn’t and the mysterious miracle baffled both the Winchester and Novak families.

However, Castiel and Sam’s graduation joined-party was the social highlight for both families. Everyone was invited and Gabriel drank a little too much but it was fine, he didn’t say or do anything foolish or compromising. After all, Bobby, Tessa, Sam and Gabriel promised to give Michael the honors of telling the secret.

But enough about that, for now Michael was more interested in Castiel and Dean’s wedding plans.

“I shall personally pay for the wedding.” Michael announced with a glass of wine in hand and everyone cheered.

“You don’t have to do that.” Dean blushed nervously but Michael shook his head.

“Take it as my wedding gift.” Michael pointed out.

“I’ll pay for their honeymoon!” Gabriel cried out while he sat on Sam’s lap, heavily drunk.

Suddenly John intervened.

“NO! I wanted to pay for the wedding! You’ve been one upping me since you had Cas propose to Dean, Michael! Give me the honor of paying for my son’s wedding at least!” John accusingly pointed at Michael but Mary interjected.

“Calm down John. It’s no competition!” Mary set John’s arm down.

“Mary’s right John. It’s not a competition…but if it were, you would have lost by now.” Michael added and some people in the room clamored.

“What was that? You wanna take this outside pretty boy?” John threatened and he seemed serious.

“Don’t think I’ll take it easy on you because of your age.” Michael narrowed his eyes then John stepped forward to challenge his gaze.

“Are you callin’ me old?” John bit out then Dean squeezed in between them.

“C’mon you two! Back it up! You’re both old!” Dean shouted and both John and Michael stepped away from each other.

“I’m not letting up until Michael here gives me the job on paying for your wedding!” John pointed at Michael and Dean shook his head.

“I called dibs already old man.” Michael called out and John had the look of fury in his eyes.

“I’ll dip your head on the ground four eyes!” John tried lunging forward but Dean stopped him.

“Dad stop it! Nobody’s fighting over a damn wedding that’s nowhere near from happening! Remember that Cas’ going to school? Getting married’s the least of our priorities right now!” Dean shouted at both of them. “So stop ruining the party for everyone and can we just all have fun? Sammy and Cas’ just graduated for chrissakes!”

John finally raised his hands in surrender and Michael crossed his arms. After the ruckus dispersed, everyone returned to their respective seats and continued on with the party.

“Where’s Luke by the way?” Dean grabbed his attention while Michael monitored Gabriel’s drunken ravings.

“He’s away.” Michael tried not to make his frown so obvious.

“Couldn’t he at least have come to watch Cas graduate?” Dean asked and Michael shook his head.

“Luke never cared for such things.”

He lied of course, he didn’t know if Luke wanted to come or not, he never returned Michael’s calls, texts and emails.

“Huh, does he even know that Cas is engaged?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know…I haven’t been in touch with him…” Michael admitted and Dean nodded.

“Huh…”

Dean probably didn’t mean it but he had a worried look on his face.

“Why do you ask?” Michael asked.

“It’s just that…he said he needed to talk to me about something but he went away before he could tell me. The only way I can contact him is through you or Gabe really so I dunno if he’s said anything or…”

“I’ll ask him for you if you want. I shall let you know as soon as he gets back to me.” Michael said with a smiled and Dean nodded along.

“Okay. Thanks.” Dean responded then Castiel called him. Michael’s brother was enraptured in conversation with Ellen for a while now, possibly in need of help.

“I gotta go.” Dean smiled at Michael before walking away.

Michael had a clue on what Luke wanted to tell Dean before he was sent away. He was probably scheming in revealing the secret to Dean however Michael got to him first.

His brother was diabolic like that, and it was why Michael needed to send him away. Despite this, Michael did feel despondent at the fact that not all his siblings were present to witness Castiel graduate from school.

Castiel was going to hear the truth soon and possibly hate Michael forever. At least Michael wanted his siblings to be together for one last time before that happens.

He already handed the information on Anael’s whereabouts to Gabriel. However, his brother didn’t seem to be that interested in finding their sister anymore. Apparently, Gabriel was more concerned about Michael’s wellbeing than Luke and Anna’s; it brought warmth in Michael’s chest, even for a short while.

Nevertheless, Michael pushed through, determined eyes set on one thing and one thing only.

To finish what he had started many years ago before Luke returned.

When the party ended, Michael helped John and Mary clean up. If he overheard the others talking about Castiel and Dean’s wedding, he merely smiled but said nothing.  

He could only put a mask in front of everyone to let them know that he was happy. Even though deep down, he no longer saw the light at the end of the tunnel. He already accepted that Dean was never going to be his, and it was stupid to think that he could. Perhaps Gabriel and Sam’s encouragements breathed new life into his stone cold heart.

They really shouldn’t have.

***

 

On a Monday, Michael sat on father’s seat in the parlor with his hands joined and the curtains shut. He gazed at the darkness, as he thought long and hard about how to approach Dean and Castiel regarding his past.

For now, he had time to think since Castiel was at the mall with Gabriel, shopping for clothes to bring to California.

Michael’s deep thought was quickly disrupted by someone knocking on the front door. When he opened it, Dean was at the doorstep, wearing his archetypal leather and denim ensemble.

“Hello Dean.” Michael greeted and Dean’s mouth formed a soft smile.

“Hey Michael. May I come in?”

Michael let him in of course and told him Castiel’s whereabouts.

“Yeah I know he’s out with Gabe. He told me this morning.” Dean said and Michael nodded.

“Oh I see…”

“Actually I came here because I was wondering if I could talk to you about something. You’re not busy right now, are you?” Dean asked out and Michael raised an eyebrow but conceded.

“No I am not doing anything at this moment. Of course you can talk to me, we may sit in the parlor if you want?”

“Sure.”

Dean followed Michael to the parlor and sat on mother’s chair while Michael, on father’s.

“Remember a while back- when you and I went out to drink and talked about...a couple of things…” Dean cleared his throat before continuing. “Y’know, to talk about the time when you got drugged up?”

“Ah yes I remember it.” Michael said with possibly one of the fakest smile he had ever made.

“You said that we were friends and I can go to you if I needed to talk about something…right?” Dean clarified and Michael nodded.

“Yes, we’re friends. You can tell me whatever you wish to say and I shall listen.” Michael thought he was more resilient now…he was very wrong.

“Yeah…” Dean nodded but he was in thought about something else.

“Is something bothering you?”

“Uhhh yeah…” Dean thought about it something but Michael decided to make a guess.

“Is it about Castiel and Sam’s scholarship. I have been meaning to contact the university regarding those scholarships. I still find it hard to believe that they were offered out of the blue. I need to make sure that it is not some sort of trick or dangerous ploy from an enemy of the family.”

“Your family has enemies?” Dean asked and Michael nodded.

“When your family is as affluent and influential as mine, there will always be envious eyes. I just wish that Castiel and Sam did not fall into their trap. I shall make sure of it.”

“Oh okay.” Dean tapped his foot and looked around in discontent.

“Ah where is my hospitality? Would you like me to get you anything to drink? Something to eat perhaps? I have home baked pie in the fridge.” Michael knew Dean couldn’t resist his home baked pies.

“Y-No thanks…I don’t think I’m staying long. And I already ate.” Dean patted his stomach and Michael bowed his head in disappointment.

“Suit yourself.” Michael muttered to try and sound unaffected by the rejection but it was unconvincing.

“So what did you wish to talk about?” Michael asked and Dean clasped his fingers together.

“It was uhhh…I was wondering if you could help me with something about the engagement- about my engagement with Cas.” Dean stammered and Michael tilted his head in confusion.

“Ah I see.” Cursed jealousy began to gurgle in Michael’s stomach. “Have you set a date yet? It’s now summer so it might be too hot to wear a suit but I’m sure the weather will be at your side.”

“No…we haven’t set a date yet.” Dean murmured while shaking his head.

“Oh I see…” Michael tried not to be affected by the Winchester’s lack of enthusiasm. “How about setting it close to Castiel’s birthday? That way, we can celebrate after your honeymoon.”

Dean shook his head again. “No Michael, actually there’s-,”

“Don’t worry about the paying for the wedding. Remember I said that I will pay for it as my wedding gift while Gabriel would pay for your honeymoon. Now all you and Castiel need to do is set a date-,”

“No Michael wait, I need you to shut up and let me finish!” Dean stood up, raised his voice and Michael conceded instantly.

“Very well. What do you need?” Michael asked and tried to restrain himself. He was used to coming to Dean’s aid without a moment’s notice; to remember that things have changed.

Dean sighed deeply before answering. “Here goes: I was wondering if you could help me with talking to everyone…announcing to everyone that my engagement with Cas is off.”

A wave of silence swept the parlor while Michael’s eyes blew wide open. On the other hand, Dean bit his lower lip in regret.

“What did you just say?” Michael broke the silence to get some answers.

Dean ran his fingers through his hair, irritated by something, before sitting back down to face Michel with a worn out expression. “Look I know it’s pretty late to do it but it’s just something that I gotta do.”

Michael tilted his head, confusion overwhelmed every fiber of his being and cried out for an explanation.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t think I’m ready to be engaged with him yet! It’s too soon to promise these sort of things!” Dean bitterly said before drawing in a deep breath to compose himself.

All the while, Michael felt as if the world was falling apart all around him. Shattered glass everywhere and the only one he could see was Dean.

“I don’t understand? What brought this on? Are you breaking up with Castiel?”

“No!” Dean bit out but Michael shook his head.

“Then why the change of mind? You love him don’t you?”

“I do.”

“Then by saying yes, you’ve made a promise to be his and his only! Why the change of heart?” Michael pointed at Dean’s ring but the Winchester seemed unmoved.

“Because I just can’t! I don’t know about you but getting engaged with someone is a whole other stage of a relationship. It takes a lotta confidence to keep that promise.”

“So you’re not confident about your relationship with Castiel? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I am confident! But the engagement is a whole other thing!” Dean replied and Michael felt as if his heart dropped down his ribcage.

“How?” Michael asked.

“Because it’s just is!” Dean snapped back then composed himself a second later. “I’m sure about how I feel about Cas, I love him but getting married on the other hand…it just seems like we’re rushing into this.” Dean confessed before looking down to his left hand.

“When did you start thinking like this?” Michael was afraid to ask but he did, nonetheless.

“For a while now actually…” Dean’s right hand joined with his left to play with his ring. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this ring. About how it got wrapped around my finger, all those months ago.”

The gold wedding ring that both Michael and Castiel gave to him in different times.

“You know, I haven’t forgotten about the fight that Cas and I had, about this whole moving away to study on the other side of the country. I still remember what you did: You went to me, talked about my problems with Cas and said that it wasn’t too late to fix our relationship.” Dean rolled the ring off his finger and held it with both hands.

“You said that I should tell him that I loved him. That I was gonna do better and think more rationally and I think you were right. I do love Cas and I should do better in dealing with my problems with him. To be more mature. Isn’t that what you said?”

Michael nodded but he didn’t say anything. He was still in shock about everything.

“Yeah well I was gonna do just that: talk about our issues and sort it out, like proper adults. That’s what I only wanted to happen but then…”

Dean held the ring in front of Michael. “Then he proposed to me. Told me that he wanted to prove how much he loved me and find a way to make sure that I never forget. Cas told me to marry him so I would always know.”

Dean gazed down at the ring and ran his index finger over the engraved inscription.

“I was happy. Happy by the fact that someone could love me enough to ask me to marry them. So I said yes. I said that I would marry him because how could I say no at the time? We were just in a fight and we wanted to make up. I think anyone would have done the same if they were in my shoes…or maybe not, but I felt like I had no other choice at the time.”

Michael desperately voiced out, “it’s only natural to get cold feet. If you just wait a little longer, it’ll go away. It will go away and you’ll know that what you’re doing is right.”

Dean quickly shook his head then reached for Michael’s hand and opened it; all the while, his eyes remained transfixed with Michael’s.

“No Michael…it’s not right because something inside me is saying that something is missing. That something doesn’t add up. I can’t put a finger on it right now or at the time, because I was still in shock, and everything was going so fast…” Dean planted the ring on Michael’s hand but kept his hand there as he continued to explain.

Not a word left Michael’s mouth and his expression, filled with terror.

“But what I do know is that if I get married with Cas now, our first years of marriage will be me bouncing back and forth from one side of the country to the other. And I can’t- I don’t think I’ll be able to keep that up since I’ve got my job here, my parents and some of my friends- like you, and ain’t right. I don’t think I’d be happy trying to keep a marriage alive through a plane ticket, or hours of driving baby. It’s just…It goes against the whole point of being responsible and rational. To everything you said that I should do. Don’t you think so?”

Dean let go of the ring by removing his hand from Michael’s. The golden band glistened purely.

“So I thought about it real hard for a while and decided…to hold off the engagement for now.”

Michael shook his head out of instinct but Dean didn’t make anything of it.

“I don’t think I can get married just yet. It’s too soon and it’s too rushed right now. Maybe Cas and I should try work on our relationship over the next couple of months once he starts studying in Stanford. See what happens…”

Michael shook his head again as if in disbelief. He couldn’t believe the words that were rolling out of Dean’s mouth.

“Maybe after, we can bring marriage back on the table…that is if Cas and I are still together and we’re ready.”

Suddenly, Michael stood up and slapped Dean across the face. The sound bounced all over the room while Michael’s mouth quivered, it held so much pent up rage inside.

“Shut up. Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about! You can’t possibly- what gives you the right to take it back? To take it all back?” Michael loomed over the man as anger rushed through his veins.

“You made a promise to Castiel. A promise that you will always remain by his side no matter what happens! No.Matter.What! Have you forgotten already? Are you that quick to change your mind?”

All of a sudden, Michael felt as if the room changed. No longer could he distinguish which way was up.

And right before him, the Old-Dean was sitting there, looking at him with guilty eyes.

“You made a promise to always remain faithful and to love Castiel with all your heart. How could you just change your heart all of a sudden? Are you that much of a coward?”

 

Dean tried to intervene. “Hold on there-,” but Michael didn’t let him.

 _‘Good, now you best remember this moment for the rest of your life because I don’t EVER want you thinking that my feelings will change.’_ The Old-Dean’s words reverberated through his skull.

“What is up with you Winchester? Why do you always go away as soon as things get serious? Why do you always make promises that you can’t keep?”

_‘Now I know we’ve only known each other for not very long but I’ll have you know that I have never felt like this with anyone before. I hope you don’t freak out when I say this but I think what we have is real.’_

Then Michael remembered all the times that he spent with Dean like a tempest of memories, swirling and destroying everything in its path.

“Wait-,” Dean tried again but to no avail.

“If you can’t keep them then don’t make them! You don’t just have someone fall in love with you then just abandon them!”

_‘I love you, Michael.’_

“Dammit Michael! I’m not abandoning Cas! I never said that! I just think that I’m moving too fast with Cas, and I should take a few steps back.”

“What for?”

“Because I feel like this whole thing’s being forced and I’m not comfortable with it!”

“Comfort? You’ve been with Castiel longer than anyone you’ve ever been with- longer than-,” Michael was going to add himself but held his tongue. “I don’t know- probably whoever you’ve ever been with. What else is there to be done?”

Michael decided to settle with that save.

“Nothing!” Dean shouted.

“Exactly! So I don’t understand why you don’t wish to move forward with your relationship but instead, you hesitate!”

“Because I just don’t wanna and I don’t feel like it’s the right time to be doing it. How about you? Whya re you so hell-bent on making it happen?”

“Because one of us has to- Castiel’s made an effort to get on one knee to proclaim his love for you, and yet you hold yourself back. You’ve made a commitment Winchester! You’ve made a promise and you gave someone your word, so stick by it!” Michael jabbed his finger on Dean’s chest, but the other man did not relent.

“And what do you know about keeping a promise?” Dean snapped back and Michael’s lips quickly shut tight.

“I remember you saying that your relationship didn’t work out because you had to separate, what if that’s meant to be for me and Cas as well?”

Michael shook his head furiously. “No it’s not- it’s different!”

“How?” there was some desperation in Dean’s voice.

“Because I won’t let that happen! I’ll be damned if I let that happen ever again!”

“And who the hell are you to decide what happens or not? This is between me and Cas. What gives you the right to tell me what to do or dictate what’s right and wrong with relationships? Take a look at yourself first- you’re miserable and alone!”

As soon as the words left Dean’s mouth, guilt and regret quickly masked the Winchester’s face.

Suddenly, Michael clutched onto his chest as tears rolled down his cheeks. Dean’s words reverberated in Michael’s skull like a vengeful ghost, haunting its killer.

“I’m sor-,”

 “Get out.” Michael ordered loudly.

“Michael, I didn’t mean-,”

“I said GET OUT! Get out of my face!” Michael shouted and pointed at the door.

Dean didn’t waste another second to run outside and slam the door behind him, leaving Michael to drop into his seat and wail.

The empty rooms of the house were filled by the sound of his cries. If Castiel and Gabriel were at home, they would have surely heard him.

The sound travelled across every furniture, to every portrait of the members of their family.

To Father, mother, Luke, Gabriel, Castiel and himself; Michael’s cries gradually subsided because he buried his face in his hands.

_‘I love you, say it for me again.’_

_Michael hummed happily. ‘I love you.’_

_‘Forever?’ Dean asked and Michael chuckled._

_“Forever and ever.”_

“You should’ve left me alone then…you never should’ve said it…” Michael said while his voice hitched and chest ached. “You never should’ve promised…you never should’ve said that you loved me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm contemplating on posting chapter 32 and 33 at the same time, but I'm scared that some of you might miss chapter 32. It's actually one of the reasons why i post a few days in between chapters. 
> 
> Also, I wanna see/read what you all think/say about the chapters (:
> 
> Do you think Michael deserved all the things that Dean said to him? Does he deserve any of this?


	32. Chapter 32- High Cost of Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I hate this secret and I hate my past! I hate what it has turned me into! Into this loveless and manipulative fiend! Into Grandpapa! Am I to share the same fate? Am I to be like you, FATHER?”
> 
> Michael asked the silent portrait again.
> 
> “Is this the price for falling in love?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the formal language- Michael's family, scions of nobility, were taught to speak in very formal language. Michael tends to speak like this to his father, Anna and Castiel. Luke and Gabriel do not care about it as much.  
> I apologize in advance for the poor attempts to writing in that language. I am also sorry for the hellatus. I have been trying to focus on my studies and my assignments. I was hoping to finish this fic in July but I couldn't think of a GREAT ending. Not a GOOD ending. Now I know where this story is heading. I guarantee tears in the next few chapters. Good luck. 
> 
> Some parts might be unedited but that is because my eyes are burning from exhaustion. So I'm sorry for that as well.

**-Michael-**

After his fight with Dean, Michael didn’t speak to anyone. Not even Castiel could get through to him.

Michael was ashamed to face his brother, not just because of what Dean told him but also from the fact that he was weak. He looked and seemed weak. And he definitely felt weak because at this point in time, everything he worked for, all the plans that he had set up, were falling to pieces and the result-

Catastrophic.

Not just to himself but to Castiel and everyone who thought, that a union between the Winchester and Novak families was within the horizon.

So Michael remained in his father’s study with even more stress than ever before. Under the darkness, Michael thought of what to do next, and at the same time, he cursed his supposedly brilliant mind for not making a substantial plan.

He needed to fix this, he internally told himself over and over. A broken record played it in his skull as Dean’s words echoed in the distance, and crushed his spirit.

He could almost hear the ancient furies laughing at him, dreadful harpies that lurked in the shadows, taunting him. They bounded his fate into this wheel of madness, the tangled web that caused nothing but destruction and despair.

His agony itched under his skin and no matter how hard he scratched, he could barely scrape the surface.

In the end, Michael thought himself trapped in the darkest pits of hell, where the demons danced and souls be damned.

If Castiel and Dean were to withhold their engagement, and they find out about Michael’s past with Dean, then there was a large chance that their relationship would be doomed. Just as Michael’s relationship ended, but Michael would be damned if he let that happen.

If the wheels of fortune were going to spin and bring him calamity, then he would ensure that Castiel got the karmic opposite.

All he had to do was somehow find a way to bring Dean back into his senses. He was clearly getting cold feet after the engagement. Perhaps the expectation of marriage was getting to him. If Dean could take it back and keep the engagement, then there was a chance that their relationship would prevail. Even after the _truth_ was told.

Nevertheless, Michael needed a plan and needed it fast.

With Luke out of his radar, there was no telling what could happen. For all Michael know, Luke could be plotting something if not, then he was still angry by what Michael did to him months ago. To think Michael was so ruthless at the time. If that Michael were to see the current one now, he would be ashamed. Luke would also be ashamed. So would anyone.

However, this was no time to dwell on pride. Especially when there was something more at stake.

Castiel seemed unaware of what was happening to Dean. He still believed that a wedding was in the horizon, bless his soul, but it was Dean who needed more encouragement.

He needed confidence that things will work out with Castiel.

“But how?” Michael shouted and slammed his hands on his father’s table. He planted his forehead on the hard surface and dug his fingers into his scalp.

“Father…give me strength. I do not know what to do.” Michael prayed and directed it to his father’s portrait which hung high up on the wall to the right.

“Please guide me, show me the way so I can absolve for the crimes that I committed. I implore you, oh Father…you fought for your love and won. You would know what to do and now, I need your help more than ever.”

Michael knew he was alone but the darkness helped him imagine his father’s presence. His father’s soul perhaps, and it stood right in front of the portrait.

“Tell me what to do so that I may help Castiel find happiness. I don’t want him to end up like me, cold and broken. I wish to spare him the same tragedy if possible, because I am afraid that he is very much like you in a way.”

Michael stood up and walked toward his father’s portrait. The large frame seemed like a door to another realm.

“He too is righteous and just, courageous and honest. He knows better than to hesitate in the face of danger…and love. He loves too much just as you did with mother. Just as I did at a time…”

Michael bowed his head and curled his fingers into balls of fists.

“But that time is long gone. I have had my chance and squandered it. I am forever damned in darkness and solitude but it should not be the same for Castiel. He deserves better…he deserves…”

‘Dean.’ Was what Michael wanted to say, but the name never left his mouth.

“Please Father…help us. Do not shun me when I need you the most.” Michael stared at his father’s face covered in darkness.

Suddenly, there was only rage.

“Dammit to hell!” Michael lunged forward and slammed his fists on the portrait.

“You arrogant sonofabitch! Narcissistic and self-absorbed bastard!” Michael continued hitting the portrait until the sound of the wooden frame hitting the wall got louder. He did not even know if Castiel or Gabriel were at home nor did he care at that very moment.

All he wanted was to hit something or hurt someone. Hurt himself.

“You left us! You left all of us to fend of ourselves! To think and learn how to grow up! How could you?” Then Michael grabbed the wooden frame by the sides, and took the portrait down from the wall.

In front of him, his father’s face looked compose, uncaring and emotionless.

It only infuriated Michael even more.

“You turned away and let us rot in your shadow because of what? Because you lost the woman you love?” Michael shouted and some spit got on the surface. “You grieved and despaired while your children hungered for affection!”

Michael shook the frame and heard some of the wood snap because of his grip.

“You cast neglect on your own sons who did nothing but adore you!”

Memories of Luke and Gabriel as children flickered into his mind.

“Your only daughter- gone without a care in the world, for how could she care? That was the only thing she learned from you!”

Anna’s expressionless face flickered into his mind as well, and he never thought that he’d see it again.

“Even Castiel, who could never remember mother’s warmth, he will spend the rest of his life wondering why you disappeared! He will never know that it was because of your cowardice, of your selfish pride!”

Michael shook the frame again until his fingers chipped the frame.

“You are weak and pathetic! You only thought about yourself and nothing more! You should’ve been there when we were suffering!”

_Then Michael remembered waking up in the middle of the night crying, after having a bad dream._

_‘Michael? What’s wrong Michael?’ Castiel was also awake._

_‘Castiel?’ Michael asked as he tried to make sense of what was happening._

_‘You were talking in your sleep.’ Castiel explained then placed a hand on Michael’s cheek. ‘You’re crying.’_

_‘It’s just a bad dream Castiel.’ Michael sniffled. ‘Let’s go back to sleep.’_

_Michael repositioned them so Castiel’s back touched his chest. Suddenly, Michael felt Castiel’s hand move toward his face._

_‘What are you doing Castiel?’ Michael asked._

_‘I’m praying.’ Castiel answered with a slight turn of his head before returning to what he was doing._

_‘Why?’_

_‘Because I don’t want you to have bad dreams. So I pray to the angels to keep all the bad dreams away.’ Castiel replied and Michael’s heart dropped._

_He waited until his baby brother was finished._

_‘Did the bad dreams go away?’ Castiel asked and Michael couldn’t help but chuckle._

_‘I need to be asleep first to find out, silly.’ Michael mumbled._

_‘Oh okay.’ Castiel muttered. ‘Do you think the angels are gonna keep the bad dreams away?’_

_Michael snickered. ‘If you believe they will, then they would.’_

_‘Okay.’_

_‘But I’m sure they will.’_

_‘How do you know?’ Castiel asked innocently._

_‘Because one angel, whose name is Castiel has already tried and prayed for me.’ Michael leaned down to kiss Castiel on the head._

_Castiel giggled and shuffled closer into Michael’s hold. It wasn’t long before they were asleep again._

Michael sobbed as he found himself on the floor, his father’s portrait laid in front of him, vandalized by his very hands.

“How? How can you afford to be so weak? How can you be so selfish when there are others who depend on you? Who worship you.” Michael reached forward to touch the wooden frame. It felt cold under his fingers.

“Perhaps it was my fault.”

A demon, one from the darkest and deepest part of Michael’s heart emerged. It took the form of his body, possessing him into saying the next following words.

“Perhaps I was the one to blame for all of this. If mother didn’t become pregnant with me, if she had skipped a generation...”

Michael shifted until he was on his knees.

“Maybe if I hadn’t been born, the two of you could’ve found a way to be together eventually. Perhaps you two would have given birth to Luke, Gabriel, Anna and Castiel…and you wouldn’t have to suffer. Dean would never have met me and instead, he would’ve met Castiel. They probably would, they are destined for each other.”

Then Michael’s eyes roamed the floor and stared at his father’s face.

“Perhaps it is better that you do not return. For I have failed this family and have failed…” Michael swallowed thickly.

“I have failed you…”

Michael remembered the times when he laid in bed with a man. And another. And another.

“For I am weak. If I had not been interested in men, weak to base desires. You might not have left.”

A hand clutched to his chest, Michael’s breathed unevenly as only one person’s image floated in his mind.

_Dean._

“Perhaps it wouldn’t have to end like this. Perhaps…if I didn’t fall in love with Dean, things would’ve been different.” Michael placed a hand on his chest and felt his heart beat slowly.

_‘And what do you know about keeping a promise?’_

He remembered Dean’s voice in his mind and it stung a fresh wound, still in the process of healing.

_‘What gives you the right to tell me what to do or dictate what’s right and wrong with relationships? Take a look at yourself first- you’re miserable and alone!’_

A single tear rolled down his cheek as he closed his eyes.

“Perhaps I deserve this. All of it. I have- I have done nothing but unforgivable and irreconcilable deeds…I cannot- I am not the leader that you expected me to be. Though I try…I’m simply just-,”

 _‘Don’t make me laugh- The Great Godfather Michael Novak does not fall in love! So I suggest you reclaim our mother’s ring, because you don’t deserve to give it to anyone.’_ Anna’s words echoed through his skull, angrier than a restless spirit.

“Is this how it’s supposed to be? Is this my just punishment for the crimes I’ve committed? Is this what you want Almighty Father?”

“All I ever did…I did, for love…” Michael looked at his father’s portrait and saw the golden crucifix that he rarely took off.

“I asked you before…if love- if love was such a wonderful thing, then why do _You_ punish those who _embrace_ it? Why put them through such trials and tribulations if the result is the _destruction_ of love?”

A distant memory, one so bitter that Michael desperately hoped to forget, flickered through his thoughts.

_‘Dean look at me…please look at me.’ Michael cusped Dean’s face with his hands._

_‘Say my name. Please just say it…’ he whispered to ears that couldn’t hear him._

 “Tell me God, why do you forsake those who are most faithful and loving?”

_‘I love you- dammit just say it back!’ Michael begged and stared right into the Winchester’s lifeless eyes._

“I hate this secret and I hate my past! I hate what it has turned me into! Into this loveless and manipulative fiend! Into Grandpapa! Am I to share the same fate? Am I to be like you, FATHER?”

Michael asked the silent portrait again.

**“Is this the price for falling in love?”**

Suddenly, everything went quiet.

“I dearly hope not. I don’t want to be like grandpapa…a cold hearted monster…” Michael cleared his throat. “I don’t wish to be like you either…so weak and pathetic.”

All of a sudden, he banished the demons around him, as he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled Dean’s ring out. The golden item glistened even under the cover of darkness, like the light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps it was the light for Michael.

It was the end of the road for him.

His eyes inspected the object and through the hole, his eyes found themselves looking at mother’s portrait.

In the portrait, she was beautiful and serene, unlike his father, who was almighty and domineering.

Despite his father’s demeanor, Michael could still remember what he looked like when mother was alive. Father used to smile. He was happy.

He used to say, “For you. Forever.” Michael muttered to himself before setting his eyes on the ring again. “Perhaps Anna was right. I never should’ve given you this ring.”

***

**-Three Years Ago-**

The very day after Michael gave Dean his mother’s ring, Michael brought Dean to a jewelry store to get it resized.

“Heaven’s Vaults” Dean read the name out loud. “Pretty presumptuous dontcha think?”

Michael chuckled but didn’t answer. He was still over the moon at the fact that he and Dean were reconciled again. Dean had not even removed the ring from his finger despite the tight fit. Michael found this out by tickling Dean in bed, the Winchester was reluctant to complain about the ring. However, Michael would have none of it of course. If the ring didn’t fit, then Michael would make sure it did.

Michael would do anything- anything for Dean.

“How long will this take?” Dean quickly changed the subject but the too-friendly smile had not left the other man’s face.

“In hurry are we? Can’t wait to put your man’s ring back on your finger?” The man whose name is Balthazar, based on his name tag, asked as he took something out from underneath the counter.

“I uhh…” Dean stammered while Michael stood behind him. Michael was about to step in to answer but Balthazar silenced their worries.

“Fear not handsome. I don’t judge. You two look very good together, and such a beautiful ring to commemorate it. It would make anyone jealous.” Balthazar smiled brightly and a red blush formed on Dean’s face.

“Thanks.” Dean muttered and Balthazar nodded.

“Pleasure’s all mine. Now, would you kindly place your hand on the glass, I’d like to measure your ring finger.” Balthazar asked and Dean did as he was told.

Michael had not said anything, he merely watched as Balthazar measured his finger and asked about the ring.

“There’s something engraved inside, I assume you want to keep it?” Balthazar asked and Dean nodded ardently.

“Latin…very classy and romantic indeed. Tell me, do you wish to get a ring for your man?” Balthazar asked Dean which made the other man blush immediately.

“What?”

This time Michael did not stand idly by.

“I think it’s too soon for that.” Michael pointed out in order to pacify Dean’s worries.

“Oh?” Balthazar asked in exuberance. “But wouldn’t it be nice if both of you wore matching rings?”

“Yes, but this is just a promise ring, it doesn’t have to mean anything more serious than that.” Michael protested sternly but Balthazar seemed unconvinced. 

“Ah but some promises can be stronger than official ceremonies. Don’t you think so?” Balthazar asked with a hum and flicked his eyes at both Dean and Michael.

Michael was rendered speechless for some reason and all he could do was turn to Dean, who was the same.

“Adorable. Simply adorable.” Balthazar said gleefully. “Just for you two, I’ll resize this ring today.” Then he turned to Dean. “You can pick it up later if you want, then again, you’re already itching to get it back on your finger.”

Balthazar commented with a cocksure smile.

Dean tried to hide another blush on his face but to no avail. He blushed so prettily too and it hurt.

“That’d be awesome, thanks…”

“No worries, now are you sure you do not wish to get your man a ring?” Balthazar asked again and Dean’s mouth went agape.

“We’ll be fine. I think this ring will do for now.” Michael interjected before wrapping his arms around Dean. “Do you agree, my love?”

Dean nodded and swallowed thickly.

Michael couldn’t help himself. They usually didn’t display affection publicly but how Dean looked then and there, after everything- he just had to kiss him.

Dean was reluctant at first but the kiss fluttered his eyes shut. So did Michael’s.

After a while, they broke the kiss and when Michael opened his eyes, he gazed upon Dean’s emerald green eyes before smiling delightfully.

The smile quickly faded as his eyes wandered toward the window to find Anna standing outside, looking at him with shock.

Panic quickly climbed Michael’s spine as he removed himself from Dean abruptly.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked and Michael quickly faced him.

When he turned to the window again, Anna was gone.

“I have to go. I’ll be back.” Michael said then headed to the door.

Dean called out for him but he didn’t look back. He had to catch Anna before it was too late.

“Anna!” Michael shouted and chased after his sister who marched down the street.

She turned her head to his call but shook it after. Her red hair fluttering against the wind.

“Anna, I can explain -,” Michael managed to catch up to his sister, reached for her shoulder but Anna flicked his hand away.

“Explain what?” Anna hissed the question.

“What you saw back there…” Michael replied lowly.

“I think it was pretty clear what you were doing back there…I’ve known for a while.” Anna confessed.

“You have?” Michael asked speculatively. “Did Luke tell you?”

Anna shook her head. “No. I have my _sources_ Michael. You’re not the only one who can make connections outside the family.”

“What sources?” Michael could feel the protective side in him growling out. “Who are they and what are their names?”

“Why do you need to know?” Anna crossed her arms.

“Because I need to know if they can be trusted.”

“Oh and you have the right to talk about _trust_?” Anna snapped out and Michael was reduced to silence.

“I’m sorry. You were not supposed to find out this way.” Michael apologized, hoping that it would be enough.

“Don’t apologize.” Anna cut him off. “What you do in your spare time is none of my concern. Although I know you’re incapable of returning the same courtesy.” Anna said with a hint of sarcasm. Somehow, left a bitter sensation in Michael’s nerves. “What you do with your conquests is your business. However, I must admit that buying them jewelry is low-key prostitution. I thought you above that brother.”

Prostitution? The word left a bitter feeling Michael’s gut. Especially since the word was directed toward Dean.

“Make no mistake sister, I am not paying anyone for sexual favors.” Michael corrected and tried to compose himself from even thinking of Dean as such.

“Whatever you say brother. We don’t have to call it that if you do not want to.” Anna raised an eyebrow teasingly and unconvinced.

“We will call it as it is sister. I am not paying anyone for sex nor am I interested in sleeping with different people.” ‘Not anymore’ was what Michael wanted to say. “I only wish to lay in bed with one.”

“Oh? This one is giving you what you want? Even at a glance, I can tell that he is very handsome. Tell me brother, is he available for sharing?” Anna asked and Michael’s heart sank.

“No, he is not.” Michael coarsely declared.

“No? So he only swings one way then? That’s too bad. He looks scrumptious.” Anna made a pleased sound which Michael had never heard her sister make before- and never wished to hear again.

“That is rather inappropriate Anna.” Michael darted a glare to her direction.

“Oh please Michael. Now that everything’s all out in the open. I think you’ll be alright with a few vulgarities here and there. Now tell me, how is he in the sack brother?” Anna winked at Michael and he made a disgusted expression.

“I’d rather not tell you.” Michael quickly replied and a blush washed over his face.

“Oh why not? If you do not wish to share, then at least impart some juicy details. Unless you’re waiting to get bored with him before telling me-,”

The last part was enough to make something inside Michael snap.

“That is ENOUGH!” Michael shouted with little to no consideration to their surroundings.

Anna’s blew wide open in shock as she covered her chest with her hand.

“My my Michael. I didn’t know you were the possessive type. Then again, I always knew you were secretly a deviant under all those layers. Guess Luke and Gabriel weren’t the only ones who fell so far from the tree.”

Michael shook his head disapprovingly. “No sister, I am not like them.”

“Really?” Anna asked sarcastically.

“Yes. Really.” Michael hissed. “I will have you know that Dean is no conquest or plaything of sorts. He is much more than that.”

“Oh please. Why are you getting so defensive over some guy? It’s not like as if you really care about him.” Anna made a ‘pfft’ sound and crossed her arms.

Michael was about to answer her but instead made a sullen expression. Every fiber in his being wished tp contradict her and the best way to do it was through the windows of his soul.

Anna smirked judgingly but as soon as her eyes met Michael’s, her expression gradually shifted. Slowly, dawned on her.

“Michael, you can’t be serious-,”

“Believe me. It’s the truth.” Michael cut her off. “I truly care for Dean. I care for him. I care about Dean very much.”

“No-,” Anna shook her head and worry covered her face.

“Yes. Sister, it is true. I have never felt like this toward anyone. In fact, I must admit that I was not expecting it at first. However, there is something about Dean that I cannot find in anyone else. Something that keeps me reaching for more…” Michael looked down before moving his gaze back to his sister.

“I guess what I am trying to say is…I have very strong feelings for Dean. I love him most ardently.”

The confession sounded so liberating to Michael, and it felt so right. Professing his love for Dean felt right.

“You’re lying.”

“No, I am not.” Michael shook his head again. “In fact, I can prove it to you.” Michael turned his head to the jewelry store and back to his sister. “The reason why I brought him to that shop is not to buy him jewelry. I brought him there to get mother’s ring resized.”

A gasp escaped Anna’s mouth as soon as Michael mentioned his mother’s ring.

“You gave him mother’s ring…” Anna muttered and Michael nodded.

“Yes my sister. I gave him our mother’s precious ring, passed to me by our own Father. He said that I should give it to the person who matters to me the most. I believe Dean is the one.” Michael chuckled to himself as he remembered Luke lecturing him a few days ago. “Actually I wasn’t sure about it until Luke enlightened me. In fact, I was quite surprised by his overtures of love and support. I did not think he was very interested in such things, yet there he was, pushing me right along to give Dean our mother’s ring.”

Anna didn’t say anything but her mouth was slightly parted and her head shook a little.

“You must understand why I was very defensive when you presumed those things about Dean. I’ve been keeping it a secret for such a very long time but now I can honestly say that he is the one. He is the one I wish to spend the rest of my life with…” Michael confided then Anna stared at him in disbelief.

With hands on her elbows, Anna walked a few steps back and stared to the side. Awestruck by Michael’s words perhaps. Then Michael slowly approached her, with every intent of comforting her.

“I am sorry you have to find out like this. I wish I said something sooner…” Michael reached for his sister’s arm but Anna abruptly flicked his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.” Anna commanded and Michael felt guilt in the pit of his stomach.

“Sister-,”

“You gave him mother’s ring…” Anna repeated to herself and Michael nodded again.

“I did not think you would mind. I presumed that you took no interest toward our parents’ rings since you declined when Gabriel tried giving you our father’s ring-,”

“It’s not about the damn rings Michael so shut up about them!” Anna cried out and confusion stirred Michael’s thoughts.

“Then what is it? Tell me what troubles you, sister.” Michael reached for Anna again but she resisted and turned away.

“You don’t know?” Anna asked and Michael said nothing. “Well allow me to enlighten you brother.”

Anna stepped closer to challenge Michael’s gaze. “For years you put us through so much…kept us in line and programmed us to worship our Father, who by the way, left without a trace! And left us to fend for ourselves- have you forgotten?”

“No, I didn’t-,” Michael lowly replied.

“I distinctly remember you lecturing Luke and Gabriel for negligence and breaking your rules. You said that they were too easily swayed by base desires- toward wasting and wasting on _they_ run- yet here you are, you did exactly what they do. You let yourself go and all the while, me and Castiel are left in the dark.” Anna accusingly pointed at Michael.

“I was only trying to protect you, nurture and care for you since our father cannot. I hid everything because I did not wish to seem weak, especially since we have no one else to turn to-,”

Anna cut him off. “Oh please, don’t act so righteous. We all know why you’re really hiding the truth- you were scared of what we would think once we realize that our eldest brother was no different from all the others. At least Gabriel and Luke had the decency to come clean with what they are. You’re still trying to salvage your precious image-,”

“I am not! I did not hide this for my sake. I hid it because I did not wish for you and Castiel to think that I am just like our father!” Michael shouted but Anna’s expression remained composed. “You know what he was like after mother passed away. He was weak and negligent. We could not depend on him for anything so I had to step in and be there for you. Be there for you all. I know I was quite harsh-,”

Anna narrowed her eyes so Michael corrected himself. “VERY harsh with my methods- however I will have you know that I did it all for your best interest. I did it for you all-,”

“And you’re doing a great job with it. Ten out of ten for efficiency Michael. You’re always perfect.” Anna sarcastically remarked.

“And you’re always sarcastic!” Michael sneered. “I am trying to come clean with everything yet all you do is spout condescension and spite.”

“Like as if you’re any better. Admit it Michael, you’re only getting defensive now because I can finally see you for who you truly are- which is a LIAR and a PHONY!” Anna shouted at Michael’s face then Michael shouted back.

“NO!”

“Yes, Michael I had enough!” Anna snapped back. “I would’ve dropped everything if you were just sleeping around but falling in love? **You**? Ha! Don’t make me laugh- The Great Godfather Michael Novak does not fall in love so I suggest you reclaim our mother’s ring, because you don’t deserve to give it to anyone.”

Anna pointed back at the direction of the store. When Michael turned his head, he saw Dean waiting for him at the front.

“You can’t give that ring because you don’t know what it’s like to fall in love. And you never will!” Anna bitterly stated before walking away, and left Michael standing frozen in horror.

***

**-Michael-**

Michael’s memory was cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing. Despite this, Anna’s words continued to echo through Michael’s mind. Solemnly, he got up from the floor and wiped his face. He checked himself in the mirror quickly before making his way to the front door to reveal his unexpected visitor. 

“Hey Michael.”

The person at the door was none other than Dean. Unfortunately, Gabriel and Castiel went out again. They did ask him to come but Michael didn’t feel like it. Now he wished he went with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter (Chapter 33) is intensely connected to this chapter. I was supposed to post Chapter 33's content in this one, however it would've gone over 10 000 word count. Besides, I needed you all to relish on Michael's anguish. I need you all to feel his moral dilemma, his suffering, for I know how much he has suffered and dream about it constantly.


	33. Chapter 33- Bitter Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dammit would you stop being stubborn for once and listen to me?”
> 
> Michael continued to ignore him before reaching for his table, into his drawer and pulling out a .45 and pointing the barrel between Dean’s eyes.
> 
> The Winchester quickly went silent and raised his hands up to surrender. Fear evident in the younger man’s eyes.
> 
> “You’re not really gonna shoot me.” Dean taunted then Michael turned the safety off before he aimed the gun point blank at Dean’s face again.
> 
> “I told you to get out Winchester, or I’ll spray these walls with your brain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The In close parenthesis in the 'Three Years Ago' flashback is Michael's narration.

**-Michael-**

 “Castiel is not here.” Michael harshly stated before closing the door.

“Michael wait!” However, Dean stopped it with his foot and pushed it back open.

“I didn’t come here for Cas. I came here for you.”

Michael deepened his glare even more.

“What for?”

“To talk.” Dean answered and it almost softened Michael’s expression. However, Michael wasn’t going to let up that easily.

“I don’t want to speak to you.” Michael tried closing it again but Dean pushed harder.

“Michael you have to listen to me-,” Dean continued but Michael ignored him and proceeded to walk deeper into the house.

Michael went past the kitchen and into the laundry room where the door to the cellars was located.

 “Michael! Would you just hear me out?”

“I don’t want to listen to you.” Michael answered while he kept walking. Dean tried grabbing him but Michael snatched his arm away.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” Michael said threateningly before continued walking. The eldest Novak unlocked the door to the cellars and descended the stairs.

“Michael stop this!” Dean shouted while he followed Michael down the short flight of stairs.

“Dammit would you stop being stubborn for once and listen to me?”

Michael continued to ignore him before reaching for his table, into his drawer and pulling out a .45 and pointing the barrel between Dean’s eyes.

The Winchester quickly went silent and raised his hands up to surrender. Fear evident in the younger man’s eyes.

“You’re not really gonna shoot me.” Dean taunted then Michael turned the safety off before he aimed the gun point blank at Dean’s face again.

“I told you to get out Winchester, or I’ll spray these walls with your brain.”

“You won’t do that. Not really.” Dean sounded unsure of himself.

“Don’t test me.” Michael bit out. “Unlike you, I’m willing to prove that I’m a man of my word.”

“I’m not. Dammit Michael, I’m not trying to test you or anything! I just want to talk.”

“Why would you want to talk to someone like me? As miserable as I am! That’s what you called me remember? Or did you already forget that as well?”

“No! I didn’t forget-,”

“Well that’s a first.”

“I shouldn’t have said those things!” Dean cried out. “And I’m sorry! I’m sorry alright?” Dean shakily apologized then there was silence.

Michael held the gun to Dean’s face for a moment, his finger close to pulling the trigger before the barrel quivered, and put the gun down, turned the safety on, in order to put the other man at ease.

Michael wiped his forehead, sighed and contemplated on what he had just done. He pointed a gun to Dean’s face. To Castiel’s fiancé. To the person he loved more than anything. Well used to.

“I’m sorry.” Dean muttered guiltily and looked at Michael. Michael didn’t look back in fear of seeing the monster that he had become.

“I’m sorry for saying that crap to you. For everything.” Dean continued with tears in his lashes. “I know my word’s shot to hell now but I need you to know that I take it all back. I take everything that I said about you and cancelling the engagement back.”

Desperation was heavy in Dean’s voice and it made Michael’s knees weak. “I was a total ass and you have every right to shoot me. At least a bullet hole’s not gonna hurt as much as what I said to you.”

Dean cried out and unfortunately for Michael, his own eyes betrayed him. They gradually turn to look at the Winchester.

“You were right. You were so right. I shouldn’t have hesitated- I shouldn’t have to question my commitment toward Cas because- there’s no reason for me to hold back.”

The words were thrown back at Michael and somehow, his feelings conflicted with each other.

“What changed your mind this time?”

“I had some time to think about it and you were right. Cas gave me a ring and I gave him my word. That should be enough and it is. I won’t hesitate this time and whatever happens happens.”

On one hand, Michael was glad that Dean came into his senses however, a small part of him was hurt. The Old-Michael who loved Dean with all his heart was crying out for escape but unfortunately, Michael pushed and shunned him.

“I don’t believe you. What makes you think that I can trust you to not abandon my brother?” Michael bitterly asked.

“You can’t…I don’t think you can trust me and you know what? I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for hating me or if you’re disappointed in me, because for a while now, all I’ve done is screw things up. I’ve been-,” Dean shook his head as he stared into empty space.

“I’ve been giving empty promises and half-assing commitments. So you’ve got every right to be pissed at me. If the others were to hear what I’ve been thinking about. If Sam, Gabe, Bobby or all the others hear that I’m second guessing this, then they’d probably say what you said about me.” Dean looked at Michael with regret.

“They’d probably call me a coward or worse. They’d probably kick my ass for not speaking up sooner. It’ll look like I’ve led Cas on. I dunno, maybe you’re right- I have the tendency to run away when shit gets serious.” Dean admitted and guilt rooted in Michael’s chest.

“I haven’t told Cas about this. He still thinks we’re getting married. You’re the only one who knows about this and I dunno why but- when I talk to you, I feel like I can just say anything. You’re always there for me…” Dean contemplated and Michael was about to speak up but was interrupted.

“You’ve done nothing but help me and Cas whenever we get into a rough patch. Especially me…I feel like shit after saying that stuff about your relationship- I shouldn’t have said it…you were only trying to…” Dean shook his head in shame but kept going.

“The point is, all you do is help and here I am, disappointing you in every step of the way- in every sense. I dunno why but I just can’t seem to bear the fact of you looking at me like that.” Dean pointed at Michael’s face.

“What look?” Michael asked.

“Like I failed you…or something. I dunno, it’s just a look you give me sometimes and it’s more obvious whenever I do something stupid.”

Michael placed the gun carefully on his table. Then he turned to Dean slowly.

“I-I’m sorry if you felt that way. Rest assured, I am only thinking of Castiel’s happiness.”

“I know you are. Dammit Michael, it’s the only thing I know that you’re thinking for sure.” Dean confessed and Michael raised an eyebrow. Dean had been making observations.

“You’ve done nothing but think of Cas’ happiness and mine. You’re always there to pick up the pieces whenever things fall apart. I’m tired of watching you worry about other people so much yet at the same time, I’ve done nothing but give you things to worry about. I just- I can’t do this anymore. I’m sick and tired of running away from my problems, knowing that it’ll only get other people hurt. People like you hurt. I don’t wanna- I don’t wanna disappoint you again…”

Suddenly guilt swelled in Michael’s chest as he saw Dean’s form slump in discouragement.

“I-I believe you...” Michael stammered but Dean shook his head. “So I don’t beat yourself up…I forgive you.”

“Really? Just like that, you believe and forgive me?” Dean raised an unconvinced eyebrow.

“Yes. I forgive you if you return the gesture.” Michael added. “There was some truth to what you said to me. I was too forceful and too harsh toward you. I shouldn’t have placed too much pressure on you. In a sense, I drove you into despair. After all, everything that has happened- I mean with the engagement was because I intervened in your business. I take some responsibility in making you feel doubt. I should have been more compassionate toward your plight.”

Dean shook his head disapprovingly.

“No don’t blame yourself. I wasn’t strong enough. I-I worry too much of what will happen instead of looking at what I have right now.”

“Even so, I shouldn’t have been so harsh. I shouldn’t have pointed a gun at you.” Michael looked at the firearm sitting on the table, and decided to hide back into his drawer. He felt sick just looking at it.

He wasn’t really going to shoot Dean. He couldn’t find it in himself to.

“Well that’s because I’m stubborn- you know how I am more than I do. I’m the stubbornest sonofabitch out there if you weren’t in the picture. It’ll take more than a gun at my face to get me to stop.” Dean chuckled and shook his head at the ridiculous thought.

“That is true.” It was infectious so Michael laughed as well. Despite what Michael had been feeling lately, only Dean could make him laugh. Genuinely.

“Can we call it truce?” Dean held a hand out before realizing. “Another one?”

Michael took the hand. “Yes. Truce.”

A long drawn out sigh left both of them while they stood in front of vintage bottles of wine, and Michael’s firearms collection.

“Don’t know why I feel like this…” Dean interrupted the silence and grabbed Michael’s attention. “I dunno why I’m getting cold feet with this whole marriage thing.”

“It’s only natural to get cold feet at times like this. I totally understand,” Michael noted while he tried to bury a memory calling out from the depths of his mind. “Perfectly natural.”

“You do?” Dean asked speculatively.

Michael didn’t answer as he tried to process what he had just said.

“Wasn’t that why you broke up with your mystery guy? I mean- your ex...” Dean added the ‘ex’ part for safe measure.

“I-I…”

Dean shrugged and somehow Michael felt as if the momentum was starting to change. Michael thought they were doing so well with making a truce and beginning anew, unfortunately, his grasp on the situation was beginning to slip.

“No-,”

“No?” Dean asked in genuine curiosity. He tilted his head before his expression turned blank. “Ah I forgot…you don’t like talking about these sort of things.”

“Well not exactly, I just don’t see the reason to bring it up…”

Dean pursed his lips and made a goon-ish expression. “Sorry. I don’t have a cigarette to bribe you this time…I did say I was gonna stop smoking every time things get really bad.”

A groan escaped Dean’s throat. “I just don’t know what to do next and was hoping you could tell me. You always seem to know what to do. In fact, you go above and beyond when I’m trouble. On the other hand, I can’t seem to stop making more trouble for everyone. Sometimes, I can’t help but think that I’m the source of everyone’s problems…maybe I am.” Dean shook his head with a forced smile.

Michael scanned Dean’s expression carefully. Sarcasm gradually turned into genuine guilt and it rubbed Michael in the wrong way.

“Don’t think like that…” Michael looked away. “You’re not the source of the problem.”

“Yeah right.” Dean scoffed in disbelief.

“I’m serious.” Michael turned to the somber Winchester. “You just need a bit of guidance, that’s all.”

“Oh? So are you gonna guide me then?” Dean raised an eyebrow at him.

Michael sighed in surrender. The last thing he wanted was to travel into the past again, however lately, it seemed as if the road constantly skewed in that direction.

“Honestly, I rather not, however circumstances have led to this.” Michael turned to look Dean in the eyes when he said it. Dean went wide eyed when he realized what Michael was about to do.

“You don’t have to talk about your past if you don’t want to. I wasn’t trying to-,”

“I know you weren’t.” Michael cut him off. “However I believe it will help if I clarify a few things that happened to my previous relationship.” Then Michael quickly remembered Castiel’s face. “And you are not to repeat what I am about to say to anybody. Not a single soul Winchester. Promise this to me.”

“Okay I won’t!” Dean raised his hands up to surrender. “I’m all ears. I won’t even tell Sammy or Cas.”

“Better not Winchester. Or I will end you.” Michael sneered.

A snicker left Dean’s teeth. “Shut up and get on with it.”

“Very well.” Michael cleared his throat before continuing. “I said before that I ended things with my partner because our interests conflicted...he needed to leave and I needed to stay. Our relationship should have ended during our first disagreement on the subject, however it didn’t…much to our dismay.”

“Oh…” Dean nodded at the realization.

“And my sister found out.”

That caught Dean’s attention. “Your sister? You mean Anna?”

“Yes. She found out and…things went spiraling downhill from there…”

***

**-Three Years Ago-**

Right after Anna left Michael standing at the side of the street, Dean approached and consoled him. He Dean asked what happened and he explained everything. They went to a diner with hands tightly joined. Once they were in a booth, Dean ordered for them both while Michael tried to dampen the ache in his chest.

“I’m sorry for ruining the day.” Michael apologized and Dean frowned at him, before reaching forward and joining their hands.

“Don’t be.” Dean muttered sympathetically. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” Michael opened his mouth and was ready to disagree when Dean cut him off. “Now I don’t wanna hear you agreeing with what your sister said.”

Dean shook his head defiantly. “You may think she’s right in a number of ways but she’s also wrong about a lotta things.” Dean shook his head some more and tightened his grip on Michael’s hands.

“You told me that you were a bit of a hard-ass when they were growing up. Sometimes you do it to me and it’s one of the things that really pisses me off about you. We used to fight about it all the time- actually we still do!”

“But you got used to it.” Michael interjected.

“No, I didn’t get used to it. I call you out on it and tell you to fuck off. That’s what I do, you own up to your mistakes right after, then do better next time. That’s what you do with me and it’s one of the things that I love about you.”

A deep blush formed on Michael’s face and he hoped that nobody, except for Dean could tell.

“Sure you slip up here and there, but now I know you’re aware. At least I can think of other reasons as to why you’re being an arrogant sonofabitch- rather than assume that you’re just a dick inside out- because you’re not. You’re more than that Michael…” Dean sucked in some more air before continuing.

“And that’s what Anna didn’t do. She didn’t take enough time to understand why you were the way you were. She didn’t stand up to you before this morning and let hate eat her up, until she exploded. She should’ve given you a chance to make it up to her. If she only knew how much you’ve changed, then she wouldn’t have said those horrible things about you.”

Dean sighed deeply and his eyes lowered to their hands. “You don’t deserve it Michael- not in the way she put it. If your siblings have a problem with you, they shouldn’t take it out on you like that. They should talk to you- and I know I’m the last person to say this but proper communication is the key! She could’ve taken it a different way but instead- she had to be a complete bitch about it!”

Dean stopped as soon as he realized that Michael was staring at him with a surprised expression.

“I’m sorry for calling your sister a bitch.” Dean muttered guiltily.

“No-,” Michael quickly tried to pacify Dean’s worries. “I mean- you could have used other terms however I’m dumbfounded because of something else.”

Michael’s hands pulled Dean’s arm closer to his side of the table, sweetly gazed at his boyfriend and smiled brightly. “I am just impressed by how much this affects you.”

“Well I don’t like it when people talk crap about you, especially when they don’t know shit. If anything, it sounded like your sister was just trying to hurt you. You said she knows you more than anyone, so of course she’d say all those things. She’d make sure to hit you where it hurts- tells you that you’re incapable of love. Well I’ve got news for her: she’s wrong!”

Dean slammed a hand on the table yet Michael was not worried of people’s stares.

“If anyone knows everything about you, then it’d be me. I know that you’re capable of falling in love. More than capable actually. I would know because fell for you.” A deep blush appeared on Dean’s face. “I wouldn’t fall in love with someone who wouldn’t feel the same way. If she can’t believe that then that’s her problem.” Dean reached for Michael’s hand and placed it on his heart. “Feel my heart, look me in the eye and tell me. Do you love me?” Dean asked and Michael made no hesitations.

“I do. I’m in love with you.”

Dean nodded firmly. “Good.”

“Do you love me as well?” Michael asked, feeling the doubt and hurt in his chest slowly disappearing.

“What kind of a question is that?” Dean asked.

“Just please- answer it.” Michael muttered and a smile formed on Dean’s face.

“Yes. I love you. I love you very much.” Dean got up from his seat and slid next to Michael to give him a kiss on the lips.

They made love that night in their apartment suite and as always, Dean fell asleep in Michael’s arms. Michael too fell asleep almost so soon, for Anna’s haunting words sounded like a distant memory. A minute whisper in comparison to Dean’s words:

_‘I love you.’_

***

 

The very next day, Michael returned to their home to confront Anna about yesterday. There was a newfound determination in his core, and Michael had to see to it that Anna was corrected. He loved Dean. He truly did. All he needed was to make sure that Anna realized his resolve.

“Anna.” Michael knocked on Anna’ door and moments later, Anna opened it.

“You’re home. Did you come here to bring me good news? Did you break up with Dean? Did you take the ring back?” Anna whispered her questions but out of panic, Michael checked the corridor to make sure Castiel and Gabriel weren’t around.

“Sister please, be more careful with your words.”

“So no then...” Anna despondently assumed and Michael nodded. She rolled her eyes and left the door. Michael entered her room while she sat on the edge of her bed.

“What do you want?”

Michael was taken aback by the lack of respect.

“Manners to begin with.” Out of instinct, Michael stated.

“Oh I’m sorry.” Anna sarcastically responded. “What can I do for you, dearest brother?”

Michael let it slide as he had more important things to accomplish.

“I am here to inform you that you were wrong about a few things that you declared yesterday.”

Anna straightened her back and listened intently. “Do tell.”

Michael sucked in some air then exhaled slowly. “You were wrong about my intentions toward Dean. I am truly in love with him-,”

“Oh this again.” Anna threw her head back in irritation. “Cut the crap Michael, I know you’re not really in love with that guy. He’s just a hole for you to use. You don’t really want anything more than that- I don’t think you are capable. You are only capable of being Father’s good soldier.”

“That is not true sister.”

“Liar.” Anna bit back. “You may fool Luke and the others but I know who you truly are. You’re a fake. A hypocrite at best. And it’s fine. It’s alright really. We’re all flawed in some way.” Anna shrugged nonchalantly. “Some of us are just more aware than others, you’re just that deep in denial. You’re head’s so far up your ass, you can’t even pull it out even if you wanted to. Typical.”

Michael narrowed his eyes. “You are mistaken, sister. I am not under any illusion or denial. I am in love with Dean but you simply refuse to believe me. Yes, I hide the truth and yes my methods of raising you were harsh, but that is not to say I am incapable of love. If you will not believe me then just like Dean’s words, ‘that is your problem’.” Michael decided to leave it at that and headed to the door.

“Are you that obsessed with gaining Father’s approval?” Anna asked just as Michael was about to reach for the doorknob.

“I do not see what that has to do with anything.”

“Oh but it has everything to do with it Michael.” Anna jumped off her bed to challenge Michael’s gaze again like yesterday. “You see, I was not bluffing when I said that I know what’s in your heart. I know you brother. I have been watching your behavior since we were little and I understand one thing.”

Anna approached Michael and there was a sinister air around her.

“You desperately seek our Father’s approval no matter what.”

Michael knew this by now. “And so?” he asked.

“So, even though he is gone, you will not stop until you uphold his word…his command.” Anna pointed at Michael accusingly. “I remember the time when Father gave you mother’s ring. Luke was listening even though I told him not to, and I was there. I was there when he made you promise to give that ring to someone.”

Michael furrowed his brow and recalled Luke admitting of eavesdropping during that event.

“I know that he told you to give it to the person whom you wish to spend the rest of your life to. Back then, you replied that serving him and us, your siblings, was the only thing that mattered. And I agree. It is the ONLY thing that matters to you.” Anna sniggered to herself. “I had a lot of time to think, and I realized that what Father said back then was one of his final commands. Even after he’s left, you are still trying to prove yourself to him. You even gave mother’s ring to some guy just so you can fulfil His orders.”

Just like that, Michael’s entire world shattered into pieces.

“That’s not true.”

“Yes it is Michael. You know what else I think? I think it’s quite sick of you for making that guy believe that you love him. Don’t kid yourself Michael. Everything that you’ve done up until now is a lie. You just made yourself believe that you love Dean but the truth is- you don’t really care about him. You’re just following daddy’s order like you always do!”

Michael lunged forward and gripped his sister’s arms to shake her violently.

“That’s ENOUGH! I am in love with Dean and it’s the truth!”

Anna grinned menacingly. “Yeah yeah, you keep telling yourself that Michael. I stand by what I said that you don’t know what love is. Because deep down, you know that I’m right. You are incapable of feeling love.”

Michael let go and took a few steps back. Anna’s words felt like rose thorns wrapped around his heart. One pull and it would explode.

“Stop it! Stop this right now! Please!”

Anna raised an eyebrow. “Fine I will, I’ll stop as long as you end things with Dean.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I said you end things with Dean and I’ll take it all back. It’s that simple.”

Michael shook his head. He couldn’t possibly-

“I can’t. I love Dean. You can’t make me leave him just because you don’t believe me! Is this what you wanted from the very start? To have me leave Dean? I cannot.”

Anna and Michael shared a moment of tension before a groan left her mouth.

“Fine. Have it your way. I guess I’ll just have to use other means to persuade you.”

“What means?”

“ **Pain**.” Anna gave a toothy grin.

“You really wish to hurt me sister.” Michael repeated Dean’s words.

“Oh please Michael. If I really wanted to hurt you, I’d hit you where it hurts the most.” Anna pointed out and Michael for some reason, turned to her. “For example, if I really wanted to hurt you then I’d do it differently. Not like _this_.”

“What are you saying?” Michael’s lower lip stammered.

“I’m saying…to hurt you, like really hurt you, I would have to do what our Father did to this family.” Anna tapped a finger on her mouth.

“And that is?” Michael was afraid to ask.

“I would pack my bags and leave.”

In a moment’s notice, Michael’s heart broke. “Don’t say that. You don’t mean that.”

“Oh but I do mean it Michael. In fact, I wouldn’t just leave of course. I’d wait until the paperwork for my inheritance is finalized, which is in a couple of days, you should know this, you did the same for Luke and Gabriel.” Anna walked to one side of the room, with her hands on her elbows. “I would take my share of the inheritance and disappear from your radar. I’ll do it, you know I can.”

Michael narrowed his eyes. “No you won’t. You can’t possibly abandon us. You can’t do that to me!”

“Oh but I can, Michael.”

“What of Castiel? You can’t just leave him! You know he loves you dearly!” Michael didn’t wish to resort to manipulation but Anna left him with no choice.

“Aw Cassie…sweet innocent Castiel. You’re right…he cares about me very much. I can’t possibly leave him for no good reason.” Anna frowned and Michael was relieved that it worked.

Suddenly, she started snickering. “Instead of leaving Castiel without a word, I’ll tell him the truth. I’ll tell him why I have to leave home and I’ll point the blame to you.” Anna twirled around to reveal a diabolical grin on her face.

“What? How?” Michael asked as confusion stirred from within.

“It’s very simple really.” Anna joined her fingers together and walked toward Michael with a malicious stride. “All I have to do is give Castiel this sob story how our dear brother Michael has decided to pursue a life of unadulterated sin, and refuse to give it up.”

Cold tremors raised toward Michael’s heart.

“I’ll tell him that you have forsaken both family and duty for the sake of one man, and that I cannot bear to see this family fall apart again. Not since our wretched Father left.” Anna feigned agony as she placed the back of her hand on her forehead.

“I will have him know that I leave because you don’t love us anymore, and that one day you will do the same that our father did. You will let such base desire consume you, until you are nothing more than an empty shell. Just like our father was years ago.” A villainous laugh left Anna’s mouth. “He’d believe me of course. I have nothing to hide from our darling brother. I’ll tell him that this isn’t the first time that someone dear abandoned us. He’ll soak it all up like a sponge. You know he will. He’ll hate you till kingdom come, Michael. Is that what you want? You want our precious Castiel to hate you so much that if things don’t work out between you and Dean, you will be left with nobody. Not Luke, Gabriel, Castiel nor I will be there to pick up the pieces. You will regret and lose everything. Is this what you want?”

“You can’t- you cannot possibly be so cruel-,”

“Ah but I am Michael. Unfortunately, you have been blinded by your sense of duty, to realize the person that I was becoming. I give you all credit of course. You think I don’t know how you became so powerful? Please Michael, there’s a reason why I’m still single. It’s because everyone knows that I’m Michael Novak’s only sister. They wouldn’t date me without going through to you first. They wouldn’t dare.” Anna breathed in then exhaled. “At the same time, it’s because of you that I am all alone. I’m miserable because of you Michael, it’s all your fault.”

“I’m sorry…” Michael apologized for he did not know what else to do.

“It’s too late to apologize now Michael. It’s too late. Our lives have been in hell since our mother passed away and it will never change. If you really wish to make amends, then take accountability for your actions.” Anna stepped forward and placed a hand on Michael’s face. “Do as I ask. Leave Dean Winchester. Accept yourself for who you truly are and not this fake identity that you created. Deep in our hearts, we know that we are lost sheep, with no hope for salvation. If I cannot be happy then no one can.”

Anna looked so solemn when she said those words. Right there and then, Michael mourned for his sister, for she was lost. “Don’t look so miserable brother, it does no justice to your handsome face. Just accept that this is how the way things are and we can get on with our lives.”

Michael thought about it for a second but every fiber in his being cried out against Anna’s terms.

“Anna…I can’t…I truly love him…”

Scorn quickly filled Anna’s expression. “You shame me brother. I will not rest until you feel the anguish that I have felt for years. Mark my words Michael. You will suffer for this.”

 

***

 

**-Michael-**

 “You can’t be serious?” Dean asked and interrupted Michael’s narration.

Michael sighed in anguish. “I know my sister. When she finds determination in doing something, she sees it through. Unlike me, she keeps her promises…and her threats.”

“Oh hell no!” Dean waved his hand to the side furiously. “Don’t even begin to compare yourself to her. She’s a nut-job for even thinking about using Cas against you! What kind of sister want to ruin his brother’s happiness? I can’t believe she’s that selfish!”

Michael muttered lowly. “Please understand, I do not wish for you to see my sister in such a harsh light. She had her reasons for doing what she did. And this is why you are not to tell anyone about this! Castiel loves Anna very much and I do not wish for him to think of her in any other way.”

“Yeah I won’t tell anyone but- nah, that doesn’t cut it. To use Cas against you like that. Your sister was clearly a sociopath- a psychopath even!” Dean admitted and Michael gave him a look. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have called your sister that.”

“No, I understand. It’s just that…he had the same reaction as you did when I told him. Anna voiced my worst nightmares and I let it consume me. Like I always do…especially since it is about my family.” Michael confessed and it was the truth. After all, Dean was the very person who made the very same reaction.

“Yeah well anyone would feel the same way. The old story about choosing between family and the one you love; lots of people have been through it. My parents were the same…”

“I know. Your mother’s side of the family despised your father. That is why you and Sam have been travelling since you were very young. To get away from your mother’s side of the family.” Michael recalled and smirked.

“Yeah, well you know my parents. They wouldn’t let anything get in the way between them. Not even family.” Dean chuckled.

“Yes I know. That’s what _he_ said about us.” Michael muttered regrettably.

A blush appeared on Dean’s face as soon as he realized what Michael just said. “At least she’s gone now. Cas told me that she just left without saying good-bye…” Dean stared at his feet and kicked the air. “Was that the reason why she left? Because you didn’t wanna break up with your ex? But that can’t be right…” Dean scratched the back of his head. “If she left then that means you didn’t accept her terms…”

Michael’s raised his brow. It shouldn’t surprise him that Castiel shared some of Michael’s family history to Dean. And Michael was well aware of the day when Anna left. She didn’t even say good-bye.

“No, I did not accept her terms. know.” Michael confessed. “However Anna still left as soon as her share of our parents’ inheritance was finalized. It was a few days after my relationship ended …”

“Oh…” Dean furrowed in confusion. “So then, what happened?” Dean asked. “If you didn’t break it off in Anna’s terms, then what did you do?”

“Well-,”

***

 

**-Three Years Ago-**

( _I did try end things with him. At the time, I was so frightened by my sister’s threats and disappointed in myself for what Anna has turned into, that I let it consume me._ )

“Dean, we have to talk.” Michael grabbed Dean’s attention while the Winchester returned from putting their plates to the sink. They were in their hotel suite having the dinner that Dean made after getting the ingredients. Although Dean’s cooking was spectacularly delicious, Michael couldn’t appreciate it as his thoughts weighed him down.

“What about? You’ve been awfully quiet tonight.”

Michael thought carefully of what to say before continuing. He knew he couldn’t sugar-coat this in any other way, for Dean would know. Dean always knew if something was bothering.

“It’s about my talk with Anna today. She expressed how she felt about us…”

“And?” Dean asked.

“As you know, she believes that I am at fault toward many things.”

“But you’re not. Not entirely.” Dean corrected and Michael gave a solemn nod.

“Yes. But unfortunately, she does not seem to think like that.” Michael said and this time, Dean was the one who nodded.

“Yeah I kinda guessed she wouldn’t. Hell hath no fury than a woman’s scorn am I right?” Dean joked and winked at Michael.

“Dean this is serious. She wants me to ends things with you. She wants us to break-up.” Michael sternly blurted out.

“Well tell her that she can stick it. I’m here to stay and that’s that.” Dean sucked his teeth and strummed his fingers on the table.

“Dean…” Michael worriedly muttered. “She threatens to expose us to my siblings and twist everything so it seems as though I wish to neglect them as my Father did.” Michael confided and Dean’s fingers stopped.

“Really? Well that’s not gonna work since you care about your siblings. She can’t just go around telling everyone that you’re a bad brother when you’re not. She’s just ungrateful. They should know who’s lying. Simple as that.”

“No it’s not Dean.” Michael groaned in despair. “Unfortunately, Anna has a greater hold over my younger brother Castiel than I do. He loves her dearly and believes everything that she says. Gabriel on the other hand may not care so much however, Castiel-,”

“So what? Then you just gotta prove to them that you’re not gonna be like your dad. People can be in a relationship and still be good to their families, last time I recall. Although, not my parents. My mom’s side’s pretty crazy, I told you that.”

“Yes you did.” Michael snickered to himself. “However, my situation is quite more complicated than that. My brother Gabriel, as I pointed out before, was in an unhealthy relationship with a woman who abused him. Ever since we exposed her secrets to him, Gabriel and Luke’s relationship have been in shambles since. It would not be the first time that one of my siblings despises another, however it took a toll on my youngest brother, Castiel. He was mostly affected by seeing his brothers fight each other. He was frightened the most.”

A voice inside Michael’s head said otherwise. He too was frightened however he could not admit it to anyone. Not even Dean.

“So?” Dean asked with confusion written all over his face.

“So I do not wish to cause him a great deal of grief, if not- at all.” Michael guiltily noted.

“So you’re saying…” Dean shakily stated.

“I believe we should comply to Anna’s terms.”

There and then, Michael saw Dean’s expression turn into devastation.

“You’re kidding. You don’t actually-.”

Michael cut it as he saw panic rising on Dean’s face. “If she believes that I am making amends for what how I raised them, then we can avert conflict.”

“No, I’m not breaking up with you Michael.”

“I didn’t say we break- up. I have something else in mind.”

“Good.” Dean agreed in relief. “Because I’m not letting your crazy sister tell me who I can and can’t be with. So what’s your plan? Let’s hear it.” Dean leaned forward to listen attentively.

“If my sister were to believe that I have ended things with you, without necessarily breaking up with you, then she will keep our relationship as a secret.” Michael explained in a hush.

“How are you gonna do that?” Dean asked and Michael sighed before continuing.

“By making her think that we broke up but still see each other in secrecy.”

Dean threw his back and his face masked with frustration.

“It will only be for a short while until I can find a way to keep Anna quiet or at least remove her leverage over me-,”

“Then why not just be upfront about it? Like I said before, if we come clean now, she’ll lose her hold on you!” Dean grunted out.

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Dean cried out the question.

“Because it is too risky! It is bad enough that I lose one, but what if I lose the others because of my selfishness?”

“You can’t be serious Michael!” Dean shouted.

“It’s for the best Dean-,”

“For the best? How is keeping me your dirty little secret and doing what your sister says, for the best?” Michael tried reaching for Dean’s arm but the Winchester pulled away. “I don’t wanna change our relationship just because your sister’s a psychopath and a sociopath!”

“But that is my fault. I modeled this evil for her and now it has come to punish me. If I had not been so harsh, if I had not been so callous, perhaps she would not have ended up like this!” Michael desperately explained.

“No.” Dean shook his head and waved a hand to the side furiously. “You’re not gonna take the blame for what your sister turned into. Everyone’s got baggage. You, me- everybody. Some families have their problems but that doesn’t give anyone the right to take it out on others! Don’t you get it Michael? Your sister’s doing this to hurt you! Are you just gonna roll over and let her do this?”

“I don’t like this as much as you do. I don’t want to hide our relationship. You don’t deserve that. However, what am I supposed to do? I am afraid of what my sister will do if we don’t abide to her will. She clearly does not approve of us, what if Castiel and Gabriel share the same opinion? I do not wish for them to think unkindly toward you.” Michael pointed furiously at Dean.

“No! This is exactly what she wants you to think! Can’t you see what she’s trying to do Michael? She’s trying to turn your feelings toward your family against me! She wants that! She knows that it’s the one thing that can turn our relationship upside down and you’re letting it affect you!” Dean stepped forward and grabbed Michael’s hands to place it on his chest.

“Look at me Michael.” Dean asked and grabbed Michael’s attention. “Remember what you said to me? You said that I’m your everything. That I was your heart and that you love me. You love me and this is real.”

“Yes, I do love you.” Michael agreed even though Anna’s words struck a chord in his heart. “It’s the truth.”

“Exactly!” Dean brightened up. “So don’t let your sister dictate how you should feel. If what we have is real, then we shouldn’t be ashamed to tell the world. To tell our families. I’m still going to tell my family about us and I’m sure that they’ll understand. They’ll be happy for us. I know this because I have faith in them. You should do the same Michael. Have more faith in your family. Believe that they’ll accept us. If your sister won’t then I’m sure the others will.”

Michael was about to agree then heard Anna’s threat echo in his skull. “I-I don’t know…I’m afraid Dean. I don’t know what to do.”

Frustration appeared on Dean’s expression. “Then I’ll help you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

“That’s what scares me…” Michael admitted. “I’m scared that us being together is what will cause us to be torn apart.”

“No it won’t. Don’t say that Michael. We’ll get through this. I know we will. Just trust me. Do you trust me?” Dean asked and Michael took a moment before responding.

“Yes.”

“Good. We’ll face this together. Besides I’ve made up my mind.” Dean noted determinatively that Michael just had to ask.

“On what?” Michael asked tentatively while Dean tried to hide a smirk. “Dean, what have you decided?”

Dean had a fiery determination in his eyes that made Michael wonder. “I’ve decided to stay. To remain here so we can sort this problem about your family, together.”

In an instant, Michael heard something shatter in his mind. “What are you talking about?”

“You heard me.” Dean had a smile on his face that was full of certainty. One that Michael didn’t wish so bright. “I said, I’m staying to live here with you. It’s settled. I’m staying.”

Panic started to boil under Michael’s skin. It seethed and festered until it reached his chest.

“Wait a minute. That’s not what we agreed on. We agreed that we will take our time to come out to our families. Isn’t that what we planned?” Michael asked hesitantly.

“Yeah I know. But half of your siblings know about me already, so what’s the point of hiding it? If anything, this would put us in an advantage over your sister’s terms. If we out ourselves to your other siblings and let them know that you won’t abandon them, then Anna will lose. She’ll lose her leverage on you.”

Michael shook his head in disbelief while suppressing Anna’s voice echoing in his mind.

_‘Deep in our hearts, we know that we are lost sheep, with no hope for salvation.’_

“No.” Out of instinct, Michael muttered.

“No?” Dean repeated it as a question.

“We can’t do this…you can’t…” Michael stammered as Anna’s words cut deep from within.

_‘You shame me brother. I will not rest until you feel the anguish that I have felt for years.’_

“You can’t stay Dean. You have to go back.” Michael felt reality and his nightmares colliding. He was no longer sure which way was up.

“Why? I don’t have to. I told you that my parents were sure that I was gonna start working for Bobby. Besides, in less than a month, I’ll be able to afford a place for myself since Bobby’s been nagging to me about how loud we get.” Dean casually explained but Michael’s thoughts were somewhere else. Somewhere deep, dark and diabolic.

 “Dean you can’t do this. You shouldn’t-,”

“Shouldn’t what? Do what my heart tells me? I’m not gonna stand and watch your sister destroy our relationship Michael. I won’t let her. I love you too much to give you up that easily.”

Michael shook his head in frustration as Dean’s determination burned brighter than the sun. “That is the problem Dean. It won’t be her that will destroy this relationship. It will be us. You, me and our recklessness. Did it ever cross to you of what your parents might think about this? When all of a sudden you move here and in a relationship with a man? A man they have never met before and least of all, turn their son gay?”

“I’m more bisexual if anything. But I don’t want anyone else but you, why can’t you see that?” Dean slammed his hand on the table and triggered another thing that Anna stated.

_‘You want our precious Castiel to hate you so much that if things don’t work out between you and Dean, you will be left with nobody. Not Luke, Gabriel, Castiel nor I will be there to pick up the pieces. You will regret and lose everything. Is this what you want?’_

“Didn’t we just say that we should put our faith in our families, Michael? You’re doing the complete opposite of what we just agreed on.” Dean despondently pointed out.

“That is because you have decided on things without consulting with me first! Look, now that my sister is bent on ruining my life, our relationship is more at risk of being disapproved by our families if we remain together!” Michael leaned in and hissed.

“Then screw them! If they can’t accept me for who I am then they’re better off out of my life!” Dean shouted and suddenly Michael’s life flashed before his eyes.

_He saw memories of his family while his mother was still alive. All the happiness in the world in their smiling faces. Suddenly, their expressions changed as the scene grew darker. Their clothes were covered in black as Castiel cried in Anna’s arms while everyone gathered around their mother’s coffin. There were more frowns than rain drops on that day. All Michael could hear was the sound of rain and crying, the two almost diluted into one._

_And the same sound was heard again the day after their father left. Gabriel and Luke were fighting, although Michael was not sure as to why. Anna remained in her room and requested absolute solitude. Castiel on the other hand wept in Michael’s arms, asking if their father was ever coming back. Michael didn’t answer, he was too busy listening to the sound of rain and crying._

_He listened carefully, not knowing that the sound was also coming from him. His own tears and hitched sobbing filled the air as misery befell their home once more._

It was then that Michael realized, perhaps Anna was right.

Perhaps they didn’t deserve to be happy. Perhaps all they deserved was suffering. Even if it were in the hands of one of their own.

_‘Mark my words Michael. You will suffer for this.’_

“You’re not staying here Dean. You’re leaving, the risks are too great if we stay together. Unfortunately, I cannot afford to be selfish. Not now when plenty of things are at stake!” Michael stood up and blankly stared at Dean’s surprised face.

“No I’m not! I’m gonna stay here and help you get through this! If there’s a chance of them finding out, then what’s the point of lying and keeping secrets? Let’s just come out to everyone and tell them how we feel about each other!” Dean stood up as well and raised his left hand at Michael. “Remember why you gave me this ring? You promised that I’m your one and only. That I was your everything! How can you ask me to leave when you promised that?”

“Then I never should have given that ring to you.” Michael answered with a deep voice.

As soon as the words reached Dean’s ears, a wave of tension swept the room.

“I’m sorry. I should not have said that.” Michael bowed his head in shame. He had been used to the feeling as of late.

“No you shouldn’t have…” even though Michael had his head bowed, he could tell that Dean’s eyes were tearing up.

“I meant what I said when I gave you that ring however…” Michael clenched his fists to his sides. “To other people it is not so. They are not convinced of how I feel about you and I cannot- I cannot bear to let them to think in such a way.”

Dean bit his lower lip before continuing on. “So you care more about what other people think than how we feel about each other?”

“I did not say that. I meant that if I cannot persuade them to believe then there is no use in trying.” Michael’s shoulder’s slumped I discouragement.

“That’s just bullshit talk for YES! You do care more about how other people think about our relationship than what really feel?” Dean bit the question out.

“How can I not? What if something happens and things do not work out between us? What then? Who else would I fall back to?” “If I do not make precautions, I may lose it all. Everything I hold dear will be lost and I can’t- I can’t just gamble it all in ourselves. The risk is too high.” Michael shook his head in despair, his right hand wiping cold sweat on his forehead.

“That’s it? You’re giving up just like that? After all we went through, you’re just gonna take everything back. Take the ring and everything you said to me back?” Dean jabbed an index finger on his left palm.

“Believe me, it is as much to me as it is to you.” Michael groaned in frustration. “Not even I can come up with a solution.”

“Then you should’ve used your heart.” Dean stepped forward and jabbed a finger on Michael’s chest. “Isn’t that why it’s there? Last time I checked, I fell in love with you because you loved me, not because you were smart or handsome or rich or powerful. I love you because you love me back. Because if there was one thing that I was sure of, one thing that can pull my head out of my ass- it’d be how we feel about each other.”

“I love you.” Michael said robotically. “Is that what you want me to say? Is that what you want to hear?”

Dean shook his head in disappointment. “No Michael. I want you to love me because that’s the truth and nothing else.” Tears rolled down Dean’s cheeks. His breath hitched while Michael was unable to stop them from falling. Though he insisted to try.

“Don’t touch me!” Dean pulled away just as Michael was about to wrap him in his arms. “Don’t!”

 “Dean please don’t do this…” A deep frown appeared on Michael’s face. “If I had an easier solution, I would resolve to take it but unfortunately, I do not.”

“I’ll make this easier for you.” Dean takes mother’s ring off. “It’s over. It’s over between us.”

“You don’t mean that-” Michael was cut off by Dean taking his hand and placing the gold item on his palm.

“For good.” Dean firmly stated despite his breath hitched. “This time, there’s no going back.”

Under heavy panic, Michael could only babble, “It doesn’t have to end like this. If we can just arrive at a compromise- maybe if we try other means maybe-,”

Dean interrupted. “No, I’m not just breaking up with you because our situation’s shit right now. It’s more than that. You said it yourself, what if it doesn’t work out between us? What if somewhere down the line, something comes up and tests us- how can we face it when you’ve given up already? I can’t just put my faith on a ‘ _maybe’_. Unfortunately, I can’t be with you if it’s not gonna go anywhere. It’s better if we end it right now.”

***

 

**-Michael-**

“It was a mistake on my part. I built him up to the idea of commitment that when reality hit me when I wasn’t expecting it…I ran away. I was a coward and a traitor. I ran while Anna’s words were still ringing in my mind, and it hurt like a fresh wound, barely in the process of healing.”

Michael sighed then kept going. “Up to this day, I still regret my choice of words and actions. I should’ve been more careful, more prudent and if I had been back then, things would have been different. Perhaps it wouldn’t have to end the way it did…” Michael was inches away from Dean however he couldn’t hold him like he did back then.

“He did nothing but offer me his heart, and I shunned him away. In the most critical moment when he needed my faith…I hesitated. With that, he left me. As a result, here I am. All alone. With nothing but my siblings’ love and company…with the latter part too shall be naught.” The realization that Gabriel and Castiel were travelling to the other side of the country soon left a bitter sensation in his chest.

“No, that can’t be right. You can’t…” Dean painfully responded.

“Cannot what?” Michael inquired.

“You shouldn’t have listened to your sister! You should’ve fought harder! You should’ve tried harder!” Dean cried out and his voice almost sounded like the Old-Dean’s. The Winchester before him plaintively cried his anguish. “You’re always telling me to have faith but then why didn’t you? Why didn’t you believe in yourself enough? He clearly did! You were in love! You were so in love with each other that your siblings wouldn’t have hated you for it! I don’t think Cas and Gabriel are the type of people who’d hate you for loving someone else other than them. They’re not like your sister. They’re better than that.”

Michael went wide eyed in disbelief. The passion in Dean’s tone resonated right through to the very core of his heart. Unfortunately, it was too late.

 “I’m afraid it was too late. No amount of guilt, regret or prayers will change what has passed. What’s done is done.” Michael sighed deeply. “Maybe if I had placed more fate in my siblings back then, things would be different but alas it is not so. What you said has come through my mind already. Many times did I regret not listening to it. Unfortunately, not even a change of my resolve can change things…or bring him back.”

“But don’t you think, if by miracle- you can be with him again?” Dean tried to grab his gaze but Michael purposely avoided it.

“I’m afraid not, my friend. For I know this- such miracles demand great misery as compensation.” Michael tried not to let the irony pick at his conscience. He knew that even now, fate continued to test his resolve. Dean’s question was no doubt something he had thought carefully and most intensely these past few years. 

“This is my fate but I believe that yours do not need to end the same way. You and Castiel have a chance to avoid this ordeal- if you stay together.” Michael turned to face Dean and tried not to overthink the other man’s expression. It was very similar to the look on the Old-Dean’s face that it hurt.

Dean shook his head in disbelief again. “But how can you be so sure about that? I know I shouldn’t repeat myself before but if it didn’t work for you- what makes you think it will work for me?”

“Because our circumstances are different. And besides, just because my chance for happiness was taken from me, it doesn’t mean that the same must happen to you. Something good came from all this heart-break, now I have the chance to impart my knowledge to you.”

“What if it’s not enough?”

“It won’t be. Not unless you believe in what your heart tells you.” As if de ja vu, Michael’s faith was being tested by the same man all those years ago.

_‘Then you should’ve used your heart…if there was one thing that I was sure of…it’d be how we feel about each other.’_

“I don’t know what it wants from me. My heart I mean.” Dean confessed guiltily.

“Then allow me help you.” Michael pulled his mother’s ring out and gives it to Dean. “Propose to Castiel. Give him your heart as he has given it to you. Stay true to your word and never stray. Keep your promise, even if it is just this one- and I am sure, all your doubts, all the answers you are looking for will present itself. Do this, and you shall find peace.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not done with making Michael fuck himself over just yet.
> 
> Need more? Just wait patiently and you will be rewarded.


	34. Chapter 34- A Touch Of Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Know this, my dear brother, I will not allow you to continue on this path. I will do all that is in my power to save you, even if it means saving you from yourself.  
> \- Lucifer Novak (Chapter 34: A Touch Of Destiny)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are subscribed to this fic, you might receive two emaill notifciations indicating a chapter update (Chapter 34). It is no glitch. I did post this chapter then took it down shortly after to add an extra bit in the end, in preparation for the next chapter.  
> I apologize for the confusion. 
> 
> This chapter has conversations on the phone and the person on the other line will have their speech in bold italics to avoid confusion. 
> 
> I hope you like this lengthy chapter. Y'all deserve it for waiting.

**-Michael-**

As Michael waved the precious golden item on Dean’s face, the other man’s eyes went wide open in shock. “You’re kidding right? How’s another proposal gonna fix everything?”

“It just will. And besides, didn’t you say that you wanted to propose to Castiel first?”

“Yeah but that was just a joke and nothing more! I wouldn’t have said it if I really meant it! We’re all guilty of saying things we don’t mean!” Dean pointed out a pang of guilt seeped into Michael’s heart.

“We’re all allowed to be ridiculous every now and then, but engagements are not to be taken lightly!” Michael lectured, quite annoyed at Dean brushing the idea off so casually.

“Yeah well-what if I don’t wanna?”

“Then you leave me with no choice…” Michael said determinatively. “When I gave you my blessing to be with Castiel, I entrusted you with my brother’s life, the same way my father entrusted the care of my siblings to me when he left. Now I know it is cruel to do this but I am running out of cards to play, and I refuse to stay my hand-,”

Michael stepped closer and straightened his back to tower over Dean. “When my father left, Castiel was probably the one who lost the most. He could never remember his mother’s embrace and our father rarely held him in his arms. Through neglect, he suffered longing. The only ones who could nourish his thirst for affection were his siblings, especially me. When Father left, Castiel’s world was shattered. It was I who raised him and became his world.”

“Michael that’s not fair-,”

Michael cut him off, “When you courted Castiel, did I not impede in between you two? Did I not try my best to ensure that I was the only one who administered Castiel’s heart and me alone?”

“I didn’t-,”

“DID it occur to you that when I let you into Castiel’s life- you had become his entire world? His everything?” Michael emphasized the last question while Dean’s posture slumped. “I am sorry that it has come to this. My brother’s happiness is now in your hands and I believe that you are more than capable of handling it.”

“Yeah right-,”

“Believe me. I entrust Castiel’s life and happiness to you and no one else.”

“Wish I had as much faith in me as you do…” Dean murmured then looked up to gather his thoughts. “You’re really not gonna let me break off this engagement are you?”

“Over my dead body Winchester.” Michael threatened.

“Jesus- I can’t believe I’m really doing this!” Dean shook his head in disbelief, yet again. Hands rested on his side. “I’m really getting married.”

“Yes you are.” Michael nodded.

“And to Cas. I’m spending the rest of my life with him.”

Michael nodded again. “It is as it should be.”

“Thank you.” Dean said and sincerity was written all over his face. Despite everything, Michael could not bring himself to not greatly appreciate Dean like this. Smiled brightly and burning with charm. It reminded Michael of how he fell in love.

“Seriously, you’ve put up with all the crap that’s been going through my head and I just-,” Dean burrowed his face in his hands. “I don’t think I’d be able to go through it all if it weren’t for you.”

“It was of no consequence.” Michael modestly pointed out.

“That’s not true.” Dean called him out on it. “You know that’s not true at all.”

“Very well. You may have given me more stress than raising Luke and Gabriel combined.” Michael teased playfully which roused a chuckle from Dean.

“Oh that’s a bit harsh dontcha think?” Dean asked and they both smile at each other with such delight. “I should go. I ‘ve probably wasted enough of your time.”

“It’s no bother. You’re welcome to talk to me about what ails you.”

“Haha. Okay…” Dean was just about to head out when Michael stopped him.

“Oh and Dean- have you a ring to give my brother?”

“Nope…thought a proposal was enough and now my wallet’s gotta suffer?” Dean joked then snickered.

“Very funny. I shall help you look for one- I believe a surprise proposal is only adequate, considering that was how Castiel handled it.” Michael tapped his index finger on his lips.

“It ain’t much of a surprise for you though. You were the one who told him to get on one knee.” Dean’s finger waggled at Michael condescendingly.

“I know. If you wish to look for a ring on your own, then by all means, do. Should you need help, you know where to find me.” Michael then turned to his table. He placed a hand on the cold surface and pressed his weight on it. Recalling so much memories today took a toll on his mind and spirit.

“Yeah- thanks…I’ll come back if I find something.” Dean nodded then headed to the stairs.

“Very well. Good luck.” Michael used every ounce of his strength to smile at the other man. The gesture was returned and it spread warmth into his soul.

When the cellar doors clicked shut, Michael let out a deep and defeated sigh. His whole body shifted as it sought for support using the hard surface. His put his gun away and stared at his gun and vintage alcohol collection.

“Oh Dean. When will I ever learn to quit you?” Michael asked himself though he was half expecting someone or something out there to answer. All there was, was silence and shadows.

***

 

Moments after Dean left, an idea struck Michael which sent him running up to Gabriel’s room and rummaging through his brother’s things. To his dismay, he discovered more than what he sought to find. Countless rubbish, dirty laundry and several inappropriate toys lurked within his brother’s belongings.

On the other hand, Gabriel’s chemistry lab was neater and more organized. Each ingredient and chemical were labeled and instructions inscribed on the wall. The equipment was in good-working condition and the safety gear was available. Michael knew each and every single one of his siblings were prowess to a particular skill. If Gabriel used his talents for the greater good of society, instead of prank wars with Sam Winchester, who knows what Michael’s brother could achieve?

Alas, Michael could not find what he was looking for and decided to use Gabriel’s bathroom to wash his hands. He made sure not to pay attention to the giant dildo that stood proudly next to the tub. Michael groaned in dismay and tentatively left the bathroom, and reach for his cellphone.

He quickly pressed Gabriel’s contact and pressed the device to his ear.

**_Hello Mikey. Thank god you called, Cassie and I just bumped to Alfie and his boyfriend, and now they’re giggling and chatting up like a bunch of teenage girls. Ugh. What’s up?_ **

“Gabriel, do you by any chance remember Father’s ring? The one that mother gave him?” Michael walked toward Gabriel’s study table and rested his backside on it.

**_Yeah what about it?_ **

“I believe he gave it to you before he left.”  Michael heard a crunching sound behind him and reached to find more candy wrappers.

**_You mean he left it to me. I remember that it was on my nightstand the morning after he left._ **

Michael quickly stood up, pleased that Gabriel knew what he was talking about. “Yes. Do you have it?”

**_Why do you ask?_ **

“Because I have searched your room and I cannot find it. Mind you, there are things in there that even I wish unseen.” Michael’s eyes flicked toward the bathroom in horror.

 ** _Well that’s what you get for snooping through my stuff! What’s this about Mikey? You’d never go through my things unless you’re really desperate to get something- and its Father’s ring of all things-,_** Gabriel stopped and a loud gasp was heard from the other end of the line.

**_Michael Novak! You scoundrel! Has this got something to do with Castiel and Dean?_ **

“Gabriel it’s not-,”

Gabriel cut him off. **_What are you trying to do this time? I swear I told you never to butt in their business but all you do is-_** , The following words were incomprehensible, as Gabriel mixed both curse words and a language which Michael believed to be Spanish, though he could not be too sure.

“Yes…I understand your plight. I daresay, your choice of vocabulary would bring our parents to shame. I see…” Michael bowed his head in shame. Gabriel had every right to be mad at him for he had done nothing but disappoint. No matter what he did, Gabriel was always got involved, whether he asked for it or not.

“Forgive me, brother.”

 ** _You damn well better be sorry! What brought this on this time?_** Gabriel bit the question out.

“Dean is going through some insecurities and I merely extend a helping hand.” Michael stared at the floor and heard his own voice sound unconvincing.

**_So your solution is to get him to propose to Castiel? Oh don’t lie to me Mikey! You know I know that this is more than just you trying to help them out- admit it! You’re never gonna stop until you’re completely miserable!_ **

Anger curdled under Michael’s skin and his fingers tighly gripped his device. “This is not about me Gabriel! This about Castiel’s happiness!”

**_Which has your neck on the line! Look Mikey! You need to stop this madness! Haven’t you done enough?_ **

Michael shook his head and placed a hand on his face. “I cannot- I cannot. I’m sorry Gabriel but for reasons so complex, I cannot stay my hand. Castiel and Dean’s relationship must endure-,”

**_Gabriel cut him off again. Dammit Mikey! Why? Why does it have to be like this?_ **

“Because it is the only way to absolve for the crimes I committed.” Fuck. Michael was not supposed to let that part slip.

**_What do you mean Mikey?_ **

A hand slapped Michael’s face in despair. He knew there was no way out of this but he had to try. “Nothing. Forget what I said just then.”

**_You’re telling me what crimes you committed Mikey or else. I’m never letting you get ahold of Father’s ring._ **

Michael sighed in defeat. Clearly this was not his best of days but suddenly, he heard Dean’s voice resound in his skull.

_‘I don’t think Cas and Gabriel are the type of people who’d hate you for loving someone else other than them.’_

 He knew that what Dean said was true. The only person who needed to believe it was himself. Perhaps it was time to believe.

“Very well, I shall tell you. But you must promise me that you will not tell anyone what I am about to say. Not a single soul.” Michael commandingly stated.

 _ **Zip and locked tight bro.**_ Michael could practically imagine Gabriel making a hand gesture of shutting his lips. Oh he dearly wished that Gabriel made that promise more.

“I never told you this because I did not wish for you to think differently of your sister.” Michael muttered carefully.

**_Anna? What does Anna banana got to do with this?_ **

“Not much, except for the fact that she had found out about my past affairs with Dean long ago. Before she left us.” Michael replied and bit his lip in fear of regretting to share it.

**_Nooo Wayyy! She did? She knew before I did? Why didn’t she say anything to me? She wouldn’t just keep something like that to herself!_ **

“Well yes she did and she resented me for it. She told me that I was wrong for being invested in people outside the family. Emotionally that is…” Michael tried his best to not let Anna sound as terrible as he did, when he shared his story to Dean earlier. “She made me realize that I had no right to be happy, after all that I did to you and Luke.”

**_Mikey, you can’t actually believe-,_ **

 “She’s right you know. This- this sacrifice is but the start of my penitence. I owe you all this. For years of torment that I put you through. I should not have been so controlling. If I had not been so manipulative and cruel- maybe your sister would not have left. Maybe Luke would visit more often. All this...is my fault.” Michael’s fingers were cold as he felt chills at the admission.

**_Mikey, don’t say that._ **

“It’s true. I’m the bad guy in this story.” Michael admitted despondently.

 ** _You’re wrong._** Gabriel sternly said and it made Michael’s brow furrow. **_You are wrong brother. You’re not the bad guy in this story and I know because if you were, then I wouldn’t be helping you keep this secret about you and Dean._** Michael went wide eyed in shock at hearing his brother correct him.

**_You were only trying to do the right thing. You were strong for us when we couldn’t do it ourselves-_ **

“Yes but as a result- our sister hated me. She hated me for becoming someone who was devoid of emotions and compassion-,”

**_But you’re not and that’s where Anna was wrong! She had no right to say those things to you because – because even though you lecture me and Luke about our behavior, criticized us and made us feel like we always let you down, we never blamed you for it. Never. We knew we were doing the wrong thing. We always knew. It’s not a reflection of your methods Michael. Sometimes, you can’t just force people to be what you want, no matter how hard you try._ **

 “Then why?” Michael stammered the question. “If you knew you were doing the wrong thing, then why persist? Why did you and Luke cause so much trouble for me and set bad examples for Anna and Castiel? Tell me brother, why?”

 **_Because you needed us to need you._** Michael stared at Gabriel’s bedroom and was rendered petrified by Gabriel’s words. **_We knew your life revolved around serving Father and this family. And you might not remember this, but when dad left, you were in some sort of a catatonic state for a couple of days._ **

“I was?” Michael asked and Gabriel hummed to agree.

**_You didn’t talk. You wouldn’t eat or sleep- well not in the right times. Sometimes you’d just stare at empty space and there’d be tears in your eyes. Castiel was starting to worry. Even Anna was finally out of her room. The only one who was still shell-shocked from dad leaving…was you._ **

Michael tried to recall what Gabriel just said. He knew there was a small gap of memory around that time but he didn’t realize to what extent.

 ** _You know how you snapped out of it?_** Gabriel asked and Michael also snapped out of his trance.

“No, how?”

**_It was the day when I hurt myself due to one of Luke’s pranks. You know how he likes to scare the shit out of me back then._ **

“Yes, I am aware.” Michael nodded but was unable to recall the memory.

**_Yep. We were in the parlor and you were sitting on mother’s chair, staring at dad’s empty seat again while Castiel was in the library with Anna. That was when Luke pranked me and I got hurt. Luke was laughing at me but when I started crying in pain, he stopped and started panicking. Suddenly you got up from mother’s seat and scolded Luke for pranking and laughing at me. Then you picked me up and checked for any fatal injuries and said that I was gonna be fine._ **

“I did?” Michael asked and could not for the life of him remember that memory.

 ** _Yeah you did. Told you that you wouldn’t remember. You wouldn’t because you sat back down on mother’s seat and continued staring at dad’s empty seat. It was the first time since dad left that you made a reaction. So Luke conducted a few observations._** Gabriel cleared his throat before continuing. **_We tried to see if we can get a reaction out of you by causing trouble around the house. From annoying the hell out of Anna, eating as many junk food as we want, or making Castiel cry- Luke and I did all those things to get you to wake up. To snap you out of being catatonic from dad leaving…and it worked. It really did._**

Even now, Michael tried to remember what Gabriel was talking about, but to no avail.

**_Whenever Luke and I caused trouble, you always rushed in to make us stop, lecture us and command us to follow the rules. The house rules and eventually- your rules. Every time we broke the rules, the time when you got all catatonic got shorter, until eventually, you didn’t stare at dad’s empty seat and cried anymore._ **

Michael felt as if he had been blindsided this entire time. _All of a sudden, the memories rushed back to that bright morning where he walked downstairs and turned to the parlor. Instead of walking inside and sitting on mother’s seat, he remembered that Castiel felt sick after eating Gabriel’s poorly made burrito yesterday._

_So Michael walked to the kitchen instead and started making everyone’s favorite breakfast. He was on his feet the entire morning, then he heard the kitchen door opening._

_‘Mikey?’ it was Gabriel and he had a confused expression. ‘What’re you doing up this early? And making breakfast?’_

_Michael sighed condescendingly and snapped a glare at Gabriel. ‘You upset Castiel’s stomach with that poor attempt of a burrito that you made yesterday. I was hoping that I can feed him something else that will not send him to the emergency room.’ Then he carried the plates of bacon and eggs to the table. All he needed now was for the toast to be done. Right after Michael put the plates down, Gabriel’s arms suddenly wrapped around him._

_‘Gabriel, what are you doing?’_

_‘Nothing.’ Gabriel muttered and Michael heard a sniffle._

_‘Are you crying? Why on earth are you crying?’ Michael asked and Gabriel took a moment before replying._

_‘Because you made fun of my burritos!’ Gabriel replied and pulled away._

_‘I am not making fun of them. There’s nothing to be made fun of if any of you is rushed to the emergency room.’ Michael pointed out and Gabriel mad another snide comeback._

Back then, Michael missed something. In fact, he missed everything.

“I-I didn’t realize…” Michael regrettably admitted.

**_It’s okay. We know you wouldn’t remember. And besides, can’t say we didn’t enjoy causing so much trouble for you. I think Luke and I were just born to rebel. Which is not to say that you being a major hard-ass was entirely justifiable by what we did. You went too far with the disciplining and we went over the top with troublemaking, that I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the real reason why Anna left. All three of us drive her out._ **

Again, something inside Michael shattered. He had been so blind this whole time. “I never thought of it that way…I thought it was all my fault…”

**_Oh for goodness sakes Michael! Again with the whole self-blaming complex of yours! You’re an idiot._ **

“So you’ve said many times before.” Michael added.

**_You underestimate yourself sometimes. It’s like one minute you’re all High and Mighty and the next, you hate yourself more than anything. Remind you of anyone?_ **

“Father?” Michael chuckled the answer.

**_I was gonna say ‘Dean’- but Father will do._ **

“I see…” Michael tried not to overthink it, but he couldn’t help but agree that it was a very familiar trait between him and the Winchester.

 **_And you’re not devoid of emotion and compassion. Far from it._** Gabriel continued and it grabbed Michael’s attention. **_The complete opposite actually. You care about the people you love too much that sometimes, you need to strip yourself off those emotions in order to do what is best for them. To save others when they are in need. You do all that but at the cost of your own happiness. You let go of those emotions to the point where you forget to take them back when we no longer need your help, Michael. You forget to start feeling again- to be selfish every once and a while. Not selfish in a bad way, but more like helping yourself. You get to the point where you prevent yourself from being happy and that’s not right Michael. You shouldn’t help others if it means sacrificing yourself to the point of doom. No one can blame you if you can’t. Sometimes, we’re allowed to just hold on for dear life, until we can stand up on our two feet and fight again. Sometimes, you let the others do the fighting for you._ **

“That all sounds promising brother, however I am not just fighting anyone here. I am fighting fate itself. I’m fighting the universe so that Castiel’s happiness endures.”

**_You’ll do that even if it destroys you in return?_ **

“Whatever it takes.” Michael replied with determination in his tone.

  ** _God- you’re impossible! You know that? You stupid-,_** Gabriel stopped himself and paused.

“Gabriel?” Michael asked in concern.

**_Fine be that way! See if I care!_ **

“I’m sorry brother. I understand if you despise me.” A defeated smirk formed on Michael’s face.

**_No I don’t despise you. I just think it’s dumb that even now when I’m trying to hint to you, on what to do with Dean, you’re still being so stubborn! You know that I’m still rooting for you and Dean to get together- if Castiel knew what I knew, then he’d understand. He’d understand and step aside-_ **

“You know very well as to why I cannot allow that. Can’t you see that the risks are too great, brother? What if knowing the truth destroys not only my happiness but Castiel and Dean’s? I cannot allow that chance to happen!” Michael barked at his brother.

**_Yeah but marriage? C’mon Mikey, even you know that’s not right._ **

“It may not be the wisest choice, however it will deplete the possibility of Castiel and Dean separating should the truth be found out, one way or another…”

 ** _You mean if Dean remembers._** Gabriel stated.

Michael’s mouth quickly slammed shut in shock. “Yes.” He muttered in a whisper. “Should he remember, he will have no choice but to remain with Castiel as he will be married in the eyes of the law, and everyone will be there as witness. Now, the ring, brother. Where is it? Where is our Father’s wedding ring?”

A moment of silence passed before Gabriel responded. **_I don’t have it._**

“What do you mean you don’t have it?” Panic climbed Michael’s spine. “Did you lose it? For Father’s sake Gabriel, it was a precious family heirloom from our mother’s side of the family!”

**_Calm down Mikey! I didn’t lose it! I know how important it was so I wouldn’t dare lose it!_ **

“Then where is it?” Relieve swelled in Michael’s chest.

**_I had it locked away- with all the things that Father left me._ **

“Locked away- why would you do that?” Michael walked out of Gabriel’s room and shut the door behind him.

**_Because you know me as well as I do: I don’t trust myself to not lose it! So I had it locked away in the family’s treasury._ **

“I see.” Walking through the empty corridors of his home, Michael reached the stairs in a matter of seconds.

**_If you want to get it, you’ll have to call them and say that you’re coming to pick it up._ **

“Yes. I am aware of the procedures regarding our family’s treasury.” Michael ran downstairs toward his father’s study.

**_Okay, because right now, you’re not thinking straight. What makes you think that proposals are gonna solve the real problem here?_ **

“And what would that be?” Michael entered his father’s study and reached for the table.

**_That Dean is starting to remember and his past feelings toward you are resurfacing._ **

Michael’s legs almost gave out at hearing what Gabriel just said. “What are you talking about? That’s preposterous.”

**_Don’t pretend like you can’t see it as well Michael! The fact that he’s having second thoughts about marrying Castiel, and making it a whole moral dilemma. Even you can tell that something’s not right._ **

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Even Michael heard how unconvincing he sounded. “Besides, I will set everything up so that either I tell him or he marries Castiel before he remembers…” He took a quick pause after the last word. “This way, it will no longer matter whether he remembers or not. With feelings or no feelings, I will cut all ties with both him and Castiel if I have to.”

 ** _Jesus Michael, you’re really not gonna give up until everything comes under your terms?_** He can practically imagine Gabriel shaking his head condescendingly in the other side.

“Without a doubt, this is the only way that I can redeem myself for what happened to Dean. To all of you who suffered from my selfishness.” After logging into his computer, he opened his contacts and searched for the contact of his family’s treasury.

**_I still don’t believe that this is the only way to do it Mikey. There can be other ways-_ **

“But now for naught because of the engagement, which I caused. Now brother, like it or not, I am as you say ‘screwed six ways to Sunday’. Give it up brother. I am ready to face the consequences and I will see through to it, til the very end.” Michael pleaded and turned his full attention to the phone call.

**_Dammit Mikey…_ **

 “There’s nothing more that we can do. Please brother. Give me your blessing. Let me absolve the sins of my past.” Michael’s eyes turned toward his father’s portrait. Then his mother’s.

**_Fine. I’ll step aside! But if all goes to hell Michael- just remember that I told you so!_ **

More relief swelled in Michael’s chest. “Yes. I am aware. Thank you, brother.”

**_Now do what you gotta do, you crazy son of a bitch. I gotta go, Cassie’s finally done talking to Samandriel and Gadreel._ **

“Very well. Goody-bye, brother.” Then Gabriel dropped the call.

Michael quickly dialed the family’s treasury number to his device and waited for someone to pick it up. Even though it was the weekend, they always had someone standing by 24/7 because this company held treasures for other prestigious and elite families. His father trusted this company and Michael knew the owner.  A magnate for expensive jewelries and historical artifacts.  

Finally, someone picked up.

“Hello, this is Michael Novak, and I am here to inquire about an item in one of the vaults of the treasury.” Michael requested and the woman at the other line confirmed his identity through passwords that he installed with Father, before he left.

“Yes, it will be my Father’s wedding ring. It is a simple gold wedding band with nothing else on it. A smooth surface all throughout. The last person in possession of this item was my brother, Gabriel Novak.” Michael looked at his father’s portrait. The very ring that he needed was worn on his Father’s hand. “Yes…it’s what? Not there? That cannot be right. Could you please check again?”

Panic started in his nerves again, and Michael wondered if this day would end with him dying from panic overload. “It’s really not there?” Michael’s heart dropped.  “How can that be? My brother said he stored it at the vaults. Does this mean that my father’s possessions are not safe in your vaults? Because I will have to speak to the owner of your establishment about this!”

 ** _Sir, please be calm, we’re currently going through our records of the people who accessed the vaults._** The woman at the other line stated.

“I told you already- Gabriel Novak was the last person in possession of the ring!” Michael smacked his forehead in despair. _Can’t these people do anything right?_ He thought.

 ** _I’m afraid not sir, someone else accessed the ring after Gabriel Novak declared it._** The woman on the line corrected.

“Someone else?” Michael asked in disbelief. “Who is it then? Who would dare open the vaults without informing me?”

 ** _I believe it is your brother. Lucifer Novak._** The woman informed while shock covered Michael’s face.

“What?”

***

 

**-Dean-**

For a while now, something didn’t add up and Dean could never put a finger on it. Ever since he could remember, he knew there was something g missing in his life, something to make it complete. When his family finally settled in one place and Dean landed his dream job of working for Bobby, he thought it was enough. It was until he met Cas.

Being with Cas felt surreal because he never thought he’d be happy in the arms of another man. He never thought he’d be happy in the arms of anyone period. But Cas came along with his funfacts and surprisingly gullible personality, that Dean wondered how he got so lucky. He was happy and that was all there was to it. He could ignore the itching feeling under his skin since Cas was there to pull his head out of his ass. With Cas, he was made sure that he deserved to be happy.

However, for some reason, he couldn’t find it in him to fully commit to Cas’ proposal. Or why there was a heavy feeling inside him, that made him want to scream and shout til his lungs and throat hurt? It was a sensation that he had been feeling for years, ever since he got in that car accident during his summer at Bobby’s. All this time, he kept that feeling locked away because firstly, he was stupid for drink driving, and secondly, he always felt sad whenever he thought about what happened- or lack thereof.

He could not, for the life of him remember what happened around that time- then again, Bobby did say that he was in a freaking coma for a few months. If his parents were to ever found out that he almost died back then for being so stupid, they would never forgive him. Hell, Sammy would not look at him the same again and dad- dad would probably say that he regretted giving Dean Baby. And he didn’t know which was worse.

In the end, he kept this secret to himself and Bobby, until the day he decided to share it to Michael. Growing up, Dean couldn’t really make a lot of really good friends. And all he could blame was himself. Despite being outgoing and charming, he built walls around him that only family and a select few people had overcome. It took a lot of time and effort for some of them to tear down Dean’s barriers, even Cas found it hard.

However, if Dean knew one person who could tear down his walls without even trying, and with as little time as possible, it’d be Michael. Dean was very lucky to have Michael as a friend. He was lucky someone out there that could put up with his shit and still stick their neck out for him. So it wasn’t a surprise that Dean shared his deepest, darkest secret to the eldest Novak. If there was anyone that he could rely more than family and Cas, it’d be Michael.

And if there was something that Dean could do to make his friend proud, then he’d do it. Besides, it wasn’t like Michael was asking him to do something he wasn’t going to do in the future. He was gonna marry Cas and that just how it should be. He wouldn’t be in a relationship with Cas if he wasn’t planning on going anywhere with him. Plus, Cas deserved to be happy, and so should he. He was marrying Cas for Christ sake. Cas was perfect and wonderful and everything that Dean could ever ask for to marry. And no one reminded him of this fact more than Cas’ eldest brother.

As weird as it sounded, Michael was kinda like the head cheerleader for Cas and Dean getting married, considering there was a time when he was hell-bent in making sure Dean didn’t get with Cas.

Perhaps it was what other people called a change of heart. And Dean should be grateful that Michael accepted his relationship with Cas rather than go out of his way to ruin their relationship. He’d rather have Michael supporting him than against him, if the past were anything to go by.

But that was one of the things that was awesome about Michael, he was a fighter, and a powerful one at that. He never hesitated to fight for what was right and Dean secretly admired that about the guy…well it wasn’t much of a secret anymore since he blurted it out a couple of times, during his talks with the eldest Novak.

Lately, he had been doing more than blurt out embarrassing things. Ever since things settled between him and Michael- after the whole trying to win Cas- the annoying sensation in his head started to get worse.

At first, he made nothing of it because everything was going alright in his life. He had Cas as a boyfriend and his parents were more than fine with him being with a guy, including Sammy. He had a job, a stable source of income and built friendships along the way. It was supposed to be enough. Then all of a sudden, he was caught up between Gabriel and Sammy’s prank wars.

Since then, the itching sensation got worse and it was getting harder and harder to suppress.

So Dean tried his best to be the perfect boyfriend to Cas, and friend to everyone else. Including Michael, who was heaps stubborn at first, until they eventually ended up as friends. Dean should’ve been fine with that- he should’ve been…but something inside Dean was calling out for something. He wasn’t sure what he was and even if he tried talking to Cas about it, he couldn’t get a satisfying answer because he wasn’t even sure of what he wanted to hear. This resulted in more intimacy and touching with Cas. Dean found it easier to ignore the itch under his skin whenever he was making love, or downright rough fucking with Cas. It didn’t matter how they did it, just as long as Dean could focus on Cas and Cas alone.

Then the images of Michael started to appear. Out of the blue, Dean would get a glimpse of the man, no matter where he went. It didn’t make sense because this was Cas’ brother and a guy he used to hate. Why in the world was he seeing him everywhere and worse…feel weird whenever he did.

They were friends and Dean had to remind himself this constantly.

That’s why Dean was always up for drinks or a catch up with Cas’ older brother. Cas saw it as a great thing because in his words: _‘wanted nothing more than two of the closest people in my heart to reconcile and break bread’._

Dean almost whined in pain at how adorable Cas was. Aside from trying sort out his internalized dilemma, he had a sort of moral obligation to be friends with Michael. Dean didn’t even wanna think about the countless of times he fucked things up for Michael...if punching some guy’s lights out was any indication of a total fuck up.

And it wasn’t like as if Dean didn’t want to be around the other guy, Dean actually got along really well with Michael, probably more than Gabe and that was saying something. They actually got along too well that when Michael got roofied…

Michael said that he loved Dean.

Now that was just crazy because Dean could’ve sworn that Michael hated him. Well not fully hate him because they became friend…but anything more than that was just-

For some reason, when Dean heard Michael say those three words, he felt something tug inside. The uncomfortable sensation that he’d been trying to suppress suddenly went quiet. As if all this time, it just needed to hear that phrase from Michael.

Which was stupid because Dean couldn’t possibly feel the same-

Plus, it didn’t make sense because Dean had this feeling for a while now. For years even- way before he met Cas and his family, so it didn’t make sense that hearing ‘I love you’ from Michael would change anything.

After all, Michael said it wasn’t true. He said it was the drugs talking for him. And Dean should accept that.

But then why did Dean feel peace?

As if for a while now, he had been chained to this irritating feeling inside and only after hearing Michael say stupid stuff while he was high, did Dean feel…different.

He wouldn’t say he was free. No. Freedom would probably feel different because it didn’t add up. Lots of things didn’t add up. His feelings, his delusions…they didn’t make sense.

In time, he was hoping to find the answers that he was looking for. However, it seemed that an answer was already laid in front of him: marry Cas.

And it was the right thing to do, since Dean kinda felt as if he owed it to everyone, and to himself. All the things that Michael said about Dean’s lack of commitment was right.

Cas went down on one knee to propose to him and he said yes. He agreed even though it was a spur of the moment. Nonetheless, Dean made a promise to be with Cas. He should keep his promises. Everyone threw a party and everything for him and Cas. So why wouldn’t he? With the threat of separation in the future, of Sammy and Cas going to Stanford, Dean could only agree with Michael.

Michael was right. The future looked bleak and there’s nothing worse but not giving it your all. Cas was giving it his all, one hundred and ten percent, like he always did. On the other, Dean had already made a few meltdowns and even managed to piss Michael off. Again, who could blame Michael? He’d been through Dean’s situation before, actually Dean had it easy compared to him. Unlike Dean, Michael actually had a real dilemma.

Anyone could tell that Dean was chickening out for no reason. Whatever it was that he had inside, this feeling of _unfinished business_ , shouldn’t be worth sacrificing his relationship with Cas. Cas deserved more than that. He deserved the world and everything that’s good.

Although Dean wasn’t the type to think about it, he would try to be everything good to Cas. Everything that Michael provided for Cas when their dad left. Dean wanted to be Castiel’s whole world.

This was what he owed everyone.

Especially to Michael.

Especially to Cas.

***

 

The very next day after his talk with Michael, he found himself walking into probably the fanciest and most expensive looking jewelry store in the city, called ‘Heaven’s Treasury’. It was a pretty presumptuous name if anything. Just as he expected, everything on the shelves were superbly over-priced that he and Cas might as well skip the wedding to pay for a freaking ring.

“Can I help you?” The guy in a suit behind the counter grabbed his attention. His name badge had ‘Inias’ written on it and Dean raised an eyebrow at the weird name.

“Yeah, I’m just looking around for an engagement ring.” Dean muttered unenthusiastically. His hands were in his jeans and his posture was slouched. Completely opposite to the clerk who stood in front of him. He was surprised that the security guard even let him in. The clerk had a pleasant smile on his face and unlocked the glass counter to retrieve a collection of rings.

As Dean gazed upon the glimmering items, he couldn’t help but sense that he was doing something wrong. That for some reason, all this was wrong.

Deep down, the crawling sensation started to eat at him again and the vicious cycle continued.

 

***

**-Michael-**

Michael barely slept last night as he made countless emails and phone calls to all his contacts, agents and connections across the world in search of his brother, Luke. Luke disappeared from his radar and Michael should’ve been content with that, if it weren’t for the small fact that he their Father’s precious wedding ring. The ring that his mother gave his father. It was the ring that he wanted to give to Dean to propose to Castiel. That ring would have been perfect as it was the ideal symmetry to the ring that Castiel gave Dean.

His mother’s ring.

The ring he gave Dean first…

Michael rubbed his eyes and groaned in despair as stress weighed him down. Of all the things that Luke could have taken, he took the one thing that Michael needed the most. Apparently Luke took the ring from the treasury many years ago, although Michael was not sure what he needed the item for. Perhaps he needed it to find our father somehow, although that wouldn’t make sense because it was just a ring and there was nothing on it. What if Luke sold it for money? But that also wouldn’t make sense because he had enough money to squander in his lifetime. Unless he used it as leverage against one of their family’s enemies. Now that was more plausible because Luke was not above causing mayhem, no matter where he went.

All this in mind, Michael’s stress levels shot through the roof. In his anguish, he didn’t even notice Castiel entering their Father’s study.

“Michael?” Castiel called out and Michael quickly removed his forehead on the wooden surface.

“Castiel! Forgive me, I was deep in thought.” Michael stammered and clumsily shuffled the papers on his Father’s desk.

“You seem tired; did you not get much sleep last night?” Castiel asked and Michael felt guilty at the sight of his brother’s deep frown.

“No, it’s alright. I was just busy trying to look for your brother, Luke. It has been months and he still has not returned my calls and emails. Was there something that I can do for you?” Michael confessed although he left out the part where he blackmailed his brother to leaving.

“Oh I see…” Castiel frowned and quickly scanned the mess on Michael’s table. “I just came in here to let you know that I am going out with Gabriel again today. He said it was imperative that I come with him, and me alone.”

“Very well. I hope you two have a good time.” Michael muttered as a yawn tried to escape his mouth.

“We shall.” Castiel turned to the door but stopped to return to Father’s table. “When you have spare time.” Castiel grabbed Michael’s attention. “I would like to spend some time with you, just you and me. It has been a while since we did anything, just the two of us.” Castiel requested and Michael nodded slowly.

“Of course Castiel. I can always make time for you and Gabriel. You know this.” Michael replied and a smile appeared on Castiel’s face.

“That is good to hear. I shall go.” Castiel turned to the door and was about to exit when he grabbed Michael’s attention again. “Oh and Michael…”

“Yes.” Michael responded cheerfully.

“Funfact: did you know you can track someone’s location nowadays through social media or using their phone’s GPS?” Castiel asked and Michael shook his head carefully.

“No, I did not know that.” Michael replied and was highly aware of his lack of finesse when it came to modern technology. Castiel and Gabriel were more skilled in that section than he was- much to his shame.

“People generally need such programs in case their device goes missing. Our brother Luke travels a lot so I assume he would use different apps on his phone that acts as a GPS, wherever he may be. Perhaps you can try searching for Luke through that.” Castiel suggested and Michael raised an eyebrow. He had not thought about that.

“I can really find him through his phone?” Michael asked and Castiel nodded.

“Especially if you can log into his email address. There are plenty of search databases that can help you track a person’s device, that is, if you can access the person’s registered account with the respective database.  Yes, and if our brother is in the country, it would be much easier to find him. Otherwise, you may choose to use social media to locate him. I believe you can find his location if you create an account.” Castiel explained and Michael went wide eyed and impressed.

“Interesting…” Michael acknowledged and Castiel pulled his phone out to open the application.

“Oh…” Castiel’s brows went up and caught Michael’s attention once more.

“Something the matter?” Michael asked and Castiel’s eyes flickered up to meet his.

“I believe Luke is here.” Castiel pointed out.

“In the country?” Michael asked.

“In the city.” Castiel showed Michael the screen of his device. “In his Facebook profile, it says that he just checked in to a five-star hotel. I believe he booked a suite?”

Michael inspected the photo on Castiel’s phone and went still in shock. The photo displayed Luke’s legs placed on very expensive furniture, on in which that Michael was very familiar of.

“Luke frequently posts all the extravagant places and events that he goes to.” Castiel casually explained and exited the app before returning the phone back into his pocket. “However, I am curious as to why he didn’t visit. He could have stayed here instead of a hotel...”

Composed and steady was how Michael kept his expression. He could not explain to Castiel as to why Luke did not come to visit even though he was near, nor could he explain why Luke was in _that_ place.

“Michael?” Castiel grabbed his attention again.

“Yes, brother.” Michael shakily responded.

“Gabriel should be ready by now. Do you need anything else from me?” Castiel asked.

“No.” He gritted his teeth and shook his head. “No, you have helped me enough.”

“Okay.” Castiel turned to the door, certain that he would leave this time. “Are you sure that you and Luke are not in a disagreement?” Castiel plaintively asked.

“I-I…” Michael stammered to answered.

“You seem upset about something.” Castiel admitted. “We can talk about it when I get back. If you want.”

Michael thought about it carefully for a moment. He sighed before a fake bright smile appeared on his face again. “We are not and do not worry. I merely miss our brother, for he has been gone for a long time.”

“I see.” Castiel believed him. He always did, now that he was closest to Michael instead of Anna or the others. Panic stirred within Michael as he feared whatever Luke was planning. His brother was clearly taunting him by being in the hotel suite that he resided in all those years ago.

“I shall see you shortly, brother.” Castiel bid him good-bye before closing the door behind him.

As if he just undertook strenuous labor, Michael leaned against his Father’s desk in dismay. Of all the places that his brother could’ve gone to, he chose there. To the place where he and Dean sealed their love…

And lost it.

He needed to reach Luke. Stop him at all cost and also…retrieve their Father’s ring. Once Castiel and Dean were married then the truth may be revealed but for now, Michael had to be steadfast.

Quickly, Michael took his keys and headed to the door. He had to get to Luke as soon as possible. Before it was too late.

***

**-Dean-**

“How about this one?” the clerk, whose name badged said Inias, asked.

Dean took a moment to gaze the cheapest ring on display from the collection. It had a line of sapphires encrusted along the golden band, which reminded him of Cas’ eyes, and it was damn right beautiful. However, he couldn’t settle with it.

With a sigh of despair, Inias withdrew the ring and returned the collection into the glass counter.

“I am sorry, but I have shown you everything that is within your price range and taste. I thought that last one was perfect for your man.” Even Inias sounded discouraged by Dean’s discontent and Dean couldn’t blame him.

“I’m just not feeling it…” Dean admitted and Inias made a sympathetic smile.

“I’m sorry to ask but do you really want to propose to your man?” Inias asked and Dean went wide eyed in surprise.

“I…” Dean hesitated the answer and made a fake laugh. “Yeah, of course I am. I’m sure about marrying Cas.” Then Dean remembered Michael’s warning. “Why do you ask?”

Inias hummed, “Hmm. Sounds convincing…”

“You think I’m not?” Dean asked defensively but not because he was insulted, rather he was afraid that some stranger could see right through him.

“What I think doesn’t matter, it’s none of my business…” Inias wiped the surface of the glass counter gently. “But you’ve barely looked at a ring for longer than a second before saying no to it, and you’ve had that look on your face.”

“What look?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“The look that says that you don’t wanna be here right now.” Inias said and Dean’s brows went up in shock. Seemed like he let Michael down again. “Forgive me for pointing it out. It’s just the impression that I got from you and I have no right to judge. It’s your wedding.”

Dean took a moment before responding. “You make it sound like it’s gonna be my funeral.”

Inias crossed his arms judgingly. “Well if that’s how you wanna see it. I’ve seen men walk in here with their trophy wives, only to see them walk back in here separately, selling the same rings that I sold them.”

“What’re you saying?” Dean narrowed his eyes.

“All I’m saying is- they were happier than you when they walked in and still happier when they returned separately. I know I shouldn’t be saying this since you’re a prospective customer but, you seem like a nice guy. If you something doesn’t feel right, maybe you shouldn’t get married just yet.” Inias pointed out and Dean sighed in defeat.

“That’s the thing…I can’t…” Dean muttered.

“An arranged marriage then? Sorry to ask.” Inias covered his mouth in guilt.

“No, no it’s nothing like that! It’s just-,” Dean clenched his fists to the side. “It’s just all going so fast, this whole marriage thing and I- I can’t afford to slow down or hesitate…”

Inias nodded sympathetically. “l understand, have you told your significant other about how you feel?” he asked.

“No. No I haven’t…” Dean replied and felt Michael’s words bore into his skull. “I don’t wanna upset him.”

“That’s a stupid excuse.” Inias abruptly said and surprised Dean. “I’m sorry but unless you’re looking for an unhappy marriage then by all means, go right ahead. Get hitched straight away however, you don’t seem like the guy who’ll end up with that.”

“It’s not an unhappy marriage, I love Cas-,”

“I didn’t say you don’t love him.” Inias corrected him. “But if you rush into this whole marriage thing without being open with yourself to your partner, you’ll only grow to regret it later. You’ll let it eat you inside and fester, until it takes a toll on your marriage.”

Dean stood there as he received a lecture from a complete stranger.

“If you feel like something’s wrong now, you’ll probably hate yourself for it later. Keep this up and you’ll be too deep in your marriage to do anything, or if you do- you’ll know that it’ll hurt your partner even more than if you approach him now.” Inias continued and his words shot straight to Dean’s heart.

“I’m sorry for this but I’ve seen it happen to so many couples who come in here, and really seem very sure of themselves. Some of the rings and jewelry in here remind me of their stories. They remind me of who they belonged to and why they’re trapped inside a glass shelf, instead worn by a person.” Inias waved his hand to gesture at the items in the shelves, before he planted both hands firmly on the glass surface. “Is that the story that you want to grant your partner’s ring? Regret?”

“No.” Dean cast his eyes to the floor guiltily. “I don’t want that.”

“Thought so.” Inias triumphantly stated but was not condescending about it. “Maybe you should think about your issues a bit more and sort it out with your partner. I’m sure you’ll be happier that way.”

“What if I don’t have time? What if- talking about it costs too much?” Dean asked and remembered Michael’s story. Michael’s past.

Inias thought about it for a moment before responding. “Then I believe I have to help you look for a ring. Now tell me, what is it that you wish to give this Cas.”

“Castiel.” Dean corrected. “His name’s Castiel, only I get to call him Cas.”

“Very well.” Inias smirked in understanding. “What message are you trying to convey through the ring?”

***

 

**-Michael-**

Michael drove so fast to the city that he thought he was going to crash and burn. Fortunately for him, Fate was not ready to end his life just yet. No, Destiny had something else in store for him. Something much worse and catastrophic, that Michael expected nothing less. Perhaps Luke planned on spilling the whole entire truth to Castiel today. Perhaps that was the reason as to why he was staying at the very same hotel suite that Michael rented for his entire summer with Dean. Perhaps the end was indeed nigh. 

As Michael rushed to the reception, he thought about how far he had gone. How much lies he had woven and people he manipulated to get this far. He must admit that he had come so far however, Michael wasn’t about to let things end. Not just yet.

Not until he had the capacity to overturn everyone’s fate.

“Hello sir, what can I help you with?” the pretty receptionist greeted him with a warm smile.

“I need to access to the penthouse suite number 777, I believe a person named Luke Novak is staying there. I have business with him.” Michael demanded and the receptionist brightened up.

“Ah, you must be Michael Novak. Mr. Novak is expecting you.” The receptionist explained.

“He is?” Michael asked then realized the kind of person Luke was. Always playing his sick and twisted games. “Can I get a key?” Michael asked.

“Of course.” The receptionist pulled a card under the counter. “Here you go. I hope you enjoy your stay.” The receptionist greeted but Michael had no time for pleasantries. There was something bigger at stake.

While he waited in the elevator, Michael’s past flashed before his eyes.

He remembered the countless times he brought Dean to this place. How they could barely keep their hands off each other, even though they were not far from their room. How they gazed at the city when it was covered in darkness and the sky filled with stars. How they met the new dawn in each other’s arms and a promise of a kiss or two before getting up- that was, if they ever removed their hands off each other.

Even the times when they were not in the mood to touch the other, or look each other in the eye, Michael and Dean always found their way back to each other. Back into each other’s warm embrace. Each and every single day with Dean was a journey, a quest to find out how much they loved each other.

That was the life that Michael had with Dean. It was also the life he left behind- after it ended right before his own eyes.

Ding!

Michael quickly stormed out of the elevator and marched down the corridor to room 777, where he expected to find his mischievous brother.

“Lucifer!” Michael called out as soon as the door clicked open and he opened it.

“Lucifer, where are you?” Michael called out again as he scanned the room from top to bottom. The place was exactly how he remembered it, with a few minor changes in furniture and technological conveniences perhaps. He called out to his brother as he gazed upon the couch where he and Dean fucked for hours.

He stared at the kitchen where he or Dean made their meals, and at times, the place where Michael would take Dean from behind. Come to think of it, Michael distinctly remembered having sex with Dean on almost all available surface. Even in places where they shouldn’t be having sex due to safety reasons.

Michael tried not to let those images of Dean writhing against him flood his thoughts, not when he had something more important to think about, and someone to find. Upon arriving at the bedroom, Michael realized something about the place.

Not a single trace of luggage or any of Luke’s belongings were present. Not a single shirt hung in the closet nor towel used I the bathroom.

It wasn’t until he returned to the living room did he find a note on the table and a small handheld phone. It was one of the old brick phones that was practically indestructible. The note had Luke’s handwriting which relieved Michael as he was worried that he might had been going delusional.  On note, it said to call the number: ‘666’.

Michael raised an eyebrow and wondered how in the world did Luke get that contact. He shook his head and dismissed it as one of Luke’s foolishness before doing as the letter asked.

Surprisingly, the number was legitimate as Michael heard ringing on the other line.

**_Hello sweet Michael._ **

It was Luke. “Lucifer, where are you?” Michael hissed out and heard laughing at the other line.

**_About time you called. Did you like my contact number? I had my phone company give me that number and keep it in private channels. I’ve been meaning to make a private network connection for some time now-_ **

“I don’t care about the damn phone number Luke! I need-,”

 ** _I’ve been waiting so patiently since I posted that Facebook status this morning. It was then I realized that you didn’t have a Facebook account or know what it was. So tell me brother, was it Castiel or Gabriel who showed you the photo of me in the suite?_** Luke said followed by a snicker.

“This is no laughing matter Luke, why have you been hiding from me?”

**_I have not been hiding dearest brother, I’ve merely been on vacation just as you requested._ **

“Is that so? Then why have you booked this suite of all places? You know what this place represents-,”

**_Round and round goes the spinning wheel. Spinning and weaving the threads of fate until everyone gets tangled in its strings. My dear brother, it should be no mystery to you as why I brought you to that room. Take it as a gift from me._ **

Michael gritted his teeth and shook his head. “This is not funny anymore Luke. You don’t think I am not keeping track of your actions?”

**_You are? And here I thought I hid so well from you- oops! I mean heavily invested on my vacation…_ **

Michael’s eyes wandered outside to watch the sky. A storm was brewing even though the weather forecast this morning said that it was going to be clear blue skies and warm sunshine.

“I mean Father’s ring Lucifer. The treasury told me that you took the ring precisely three years ago. I pray that you have not done anything to it!”

**_Oh the ring?_ **

 “Yes the ring! What did you do to it?”

**_Why do you ask?_ **

Michael felt like he was talking to his brother as if they were children again. Actually, they had not changed. “Because I need it! Dammit Luke, where is it and where are you? Why have you not returned my calls and emails? I told you that I was going to give you Anna’s whereabouts if you let me handle my affairs!”

**_You were?_ **

“Yes!” Michael exclaimed desperately.

**_Are you sure about that brother? Are you really going to handle your affairs? Or are you going to run away? Like you did all those years ago._ **

Michael’s heart dropped at Luke’s words. This time, it was he who went quiet.

**_Mhmm. Didn’t think so. I think you’re repeating what you did all those years ago. You’re trying to erase the past. Erase everything that happened between you and Dean, only this time, you’re taking it a couple of steps further by using Castiel. Luke condescendingly tutted Michael. Dear oh me Michael, you have not changed. Still looking for ways to make yourself cry. Such a drama queen. You should be ashamed of yourself._ **

“Enough of this Luke.” Michael’s bottom lip stuttered. “I am trying to do what is right. I may have errored in so many ways that I am beyond salvation. It has affected so many people, including yourself. My actions have caused a rippling effect that I can no longer control however, I wish to spare Castiel the grief. I wish to save him-,”

**_Oh yes. Save someone by sacrificing yourself. I’ve heard it all before Michael. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard nor it was three years ago. You’ve been throwing yourself in front of the firing line since as far as I can remember. It’s your gift. Yet it is also what I find extremely annoying about you. You don’t care if you get hurt or get left behind, just as long as the rest of us are fine. However, did you ever stop to think that some of us, probably don’t mind staying behind with you? Have you ever stopped to consider that other people don’t want to see you suffer anymore?_ **

“I-,” Michael tried to answer but Luke cut him off.

**_Don’t answer that. Gabriel and I- well mainly myself, have been trying for years to teach you that you don’t have to go through suffering alone. Enough is enough Michael. This path to self-destruction is not agreeing with you, but I think you’re the only person who doesn’t see it._ **

“Not this again Luke. We’ve been through this before so please don’t repeat it once more.” Michael wiped the cold sweat on his brow. “You agreed that we would keep the past behind us. You promised me when I went to you for help. We promised-,”

**_And it was the worse promise that I ever made. Look, I agreed back then because I understand that letting go would be good for you. It didn’t mean that I agreed with it, or I liked it, until now I hate myself for not pushing you to keep fighting, to keep trying. If we waited a little longer and helped Dean remember, you wouldn’t be in this situation-_ **

“Luke please stop. Enough already. We cannot change the past. That much is certain. The situation may not seem so promising now however I have found a solution. I orchestrated everything so that Castiel and Dean will find happiness and still bring justice to the secrets that I have kept. I finally have the answer to all our problems and it’s laid bare before me. Let me make things right brother. Allow me to absolve the sins of my past!” Michael cried out and Luke groaned irritatingly.

 ** _No. Having Castiel and Dean marry is not a solution Michael. It’s a death sentence. I had to watch you lose mother, Father and Dean before and I know what it does to you. I cannot bear to watch you lose someone you hold most dear, yet again._**   Immense determination was in Luke’s tone and Michael shivered just by hearing it ** _. Know this, my dear brother, I will not allow you to continue on this path. I will do all that is in my power to save you, even if it means saving you from yourself._**

Michael’s mouth went agape. “Brother don’t do this. Whatever it is that you are planning, please stop. Let me bear the responsibility for this. You are not to interfere-,”

**_I’m afraid it is too late, my brother. I have been involved in this from the moment you asked for my help all those years ago. I will not forget how defeated you were, and how determined to erase the entire summer and be left behind._ **

“Please, Luke I know you care for me but also think about Castiel-,”

**_You do not think I have not considered that? Having taken the ring away from you helped me stop your plans of getting those two marry without knowing the truth. The whole truth. Luke deeply sighed. I think it is best that they hear everything before getting married. And I think it’s best that they hear it from your mouth._ **

“Luke-,”

**_Only through you, will they understand what has happened and how everything came to be. After all, I have a feeling that you’ve been manipulating Castiel and Dean toward marriage. I know you mean well for those two however, you have also neglected to realize, no, deny that your actions will inevitably cause them harm. I cannot allow you to go through with this marriage. Not when it risks getting all three of you hurt arduously._ **

“Brother…I beg you.” Michael was quickly running out of cards to play and his bluff was long gone.

**_You have no more moves left brother. The only way is up. I’m not gonna be as cruel as our sister, and blackmail you into doing anything. Know that I do this for the good of all, and perhaps a little bit of a selfish intent in there but nothing significant._ **

“Justice does not suit you, brother.” Michael did not mean to insult but then, he knew that Luke was set on doing whatever he wanted to do.

 ** _And you, self-destruction. I think we’ve been swapping roles lately Michael. I’m supposed to be the Fallen One, the one who Fell from Grace, damnation is meant to be for me, not for you. No, we have to set things right._** Michael heard some shuffling on the other line.

“Luke? What is happening? Tell me where you are!”

**_I’m sorry brother but I’ve run out of time and I have other things to do. Michael more shuffling and was about to call out when Luke went back on the line. I must go, dearest brother. I bid you good luck for today and know- that which you seek is waiting for you at our home._ **

“Our house? Luke, what is in our house? Are you there already?” Michael asked impatiently.

**_It is not I that you are looking for brother. It is your heart._ **

“What?” Michael’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Luke I do not understand.”

 ** _There’s a surprise waiting for you at home brother. Come home Michael. I will see you shortly._** Shuffling noises were heard again before Michael heard Luke speak once more.

**_Ah! Castiel-_ **

Then the line went dead.

“Luke? Are you with Castiel? LUKE? Dammit!” Michael raised his voice but he knew there was no point. Luke turned his phone off because Michael’s calls went straight to voicemail.

This surprise that Luke spoke of, Michael had a horrible feeling about it.

***

 

**-Dean-**

After looking at a few more rings, Dean was about ready to give up. There was nothing that he could get Cas, even if he could afford it there and then. Even though Inias was getting more annoyed, at least he was more understanding now after they had their talk, and he got to know Dean more.

“I think I found the perfect ring!” Inias returned carrying a small black box. Dean sat back up from slouching on the couch seat.

“Oh yeah?” Dean asked unenthusiastically as all the other ones were unimpressive.

“Don’t give me that face. We’ve had this ring in stock since before I started here but the boss doesn’t wanna sell it for some stupid reason. It looks just like the one you’re wearing now.” Inias opened the box and revealed a gold ring. It was shiny despite looking a bit old. For some reason, Dean couldn’t keep his eyes away from it.

“What do you think? It’s one of a kind.” Inias moved the box closer for Dean to inspect.

“How’s that one of a kind?” Dean made a surly face as it was clearly just a simple gold ring.

“Oh don’t make that face. It’s not always about the surface.” Inias pulled the ring out of the box. “Unlike all the other rings, this one doesn’t need a rock or an exterior design to convey a message. There’s an inscription inside.”

Inias placed the item on Dean’s hand. Dean inspected inside the ring and realized that it was written in some foreign language. He decided to read it out loud.

“Fide et amor.” Dean muttered and for some reason, it sounded familiar, as if he heard it somewhere before.

Inias beamed at Dean and stated, “In Latin it means-,”

“Faithfully and Lovingly.” A voice was heard from somewhere in the store. Dean turned around to check who it was but there was a glass casket full of jewelry blocking the person’s figure.

Inias quickly stood up in panic. “Boss-,”

“How many times must I tell you, that ring is not for sale? We’re still waiting for someone to come pick it up.” It was a man with posh British accent, though Dean couldn’t see his face.

“I’m sorry sir, but the ring’s been I our system for years now and I thought the customer’s forgotten it already.” Inias hastily explained with terror in his expression.

“In my store, we do not sell things that already belong to others.” The mystery British man decreed.

“I was just trying to help a customer. I truly was.”

“Then please tell the customer that we will not be selling that ring specifically.” The boss commanded.

“Yes.” Inias agreed then turned to Dean before asking for the ring back. “I’m sorry, Dean.” Inias apologized before Dean handed the item and placed it on Inias’ hand.

“Dean? Did you say Dean?” The figure asked while he walked around the glass casket. He had dirty blond hair, a little bit older than Dean, judging by his looks. He wore a V-neck collar underneath a black jacket, as well as black pants and shoes to the ensemble.

The British guy emerged with an expectant look on his face.

Dean stood up as if he was compelled to do so, for some reason. The other man just stood there and stared at Dean with wide eyes. The room suddenly felt tense but Dean didn’t know why.

Inias cleared his throat, probably just as clueless as Dean was. “I’ll go return this to the back of the store-,”

The British man stopped Inias from moving with one hand while his eyes remained transfixed toward Dean.

“This ring is not for sale.” The British man repeated and Dean nodded.

“Hey it’s all cool. If it already belongs to someone, I’ll just pick something else.” Dean said to try alleviate Inias’ situation.

“No, it’s not for sale because we’ve been waiting for the owner to reclaim it.” The British man stated and Dean was even more confused than before.

“Okay?” Dean wasn’t really sure as what to say since the store owner wouldn’t stop looking at him weirdly.

“We’ve been waiting years for the owner to return.” The British man confessed.

“That must suck for you then.” Dean needed an exit fast. “Maybe I’ll swing by another time-,”

“The owner is you.” Dean was about to head out when the owner’s words stopped him dead in his tracks.

“What was that?” Dean asked and turned to face the owner, who lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Dean.

While this was going on, Dean thought to himself: _‘What just happened?’_

“Dean, it’s me, Balthazar! Don’t you remember? Has it been that long? Surely it had only been a few years since you went to my store. How have you been doing chap?” This Balthazar guy asked with a wide grin on his face, and hands on Dean’s elbows.

“I’m well.” Dean reluctantly replied.

“Splendid! As you can see, I’ve moved up the ranks from managing one of my father’s stores to owning his businesses. A lot has changed after three years my friend.” Balthazar explained but Dean was confused still.

“I’m sorry but I don’t know who you are. This is the first time I’ve seen you or been in here.”

“Nonsense! It’s me! The guy who resized your ring-,” Balthazar looked down and noticed Dean’s ring. “Oh look you’re wearing it!”

“This?” Dean asked and held his left hand away from the other man. “Nah this-,” Dean shook his head with a wide smile. “Don’t think so- you’re just mistaking me for someone.”

“Really?” Balthazar asked and unconvinced. “No, it is you who are mistaken my friend. I crafted that ring to fit perfectly around your finger and made sure to keep the engraving inside.”

“Engraving?” Dean raised an eyebrow in shock. “How’d you know about that?” He asked defensively.

Balthazar gave him a disgruntled expression. “Just as I was saying, I’ve seen that ring. I resized it for you within a day and it has the Latin engraving: Tibi in omne tempus which means-,”

“For you. Forever.” Dean finished Balthazar’s sentence.

“Indeed. Now tell me, why is it that you do not remember my face or my name?” Balthazar raised an eyebrow again and crossed his arms. Inias on the other hand remained silent the entire time. They had almost forgotten him.

“I don’t know. I must’ve forgotten.” Dean honestly confessed and Balthazar snorted.

“My friend, the only way you could’ve forgotten, is if you had amnesia.” Balthazar chuckled. “But that’s preposterous. Perhaps it has been a while. I’m quite insulted that you forgot about me but nevertheless, you’re back and that’s all that matters.” Then Balthazar took the small black box from Inias. “You’re back to reclaim this ring, am I right?”

Dean stared at the golden ring presented before him when suddenly, a flicker that sounded like static from a television, crossed his mind. “I-I don’t remember…”

Dean pressed his fingers on his temples as his head started to hurt. “It all seems…”

Sounds of static whirred in his mind again and Dean had to sit down.

“Are you okay lad?” Balthazar asked and placed a hand on his back to sooth him.

Dean looked up, both Inias and Balthazar stared at him with deep concern.

“I have to go.” Dean muttered and quickly got up from the couch seat.

“Don’t leave without this.” Balthazar took the gold ring out of the box and pointed it at Dean’s direction. “I’m not waiting another three years just so you forget this. No, you’re taking this with you and relieving me the duty of keeping it.”

Dean stared at the gold ring worriedly and saw Michael’s face flicker in another static segment.

“I don’t think that belongs to me.” Dean whined out and Balthazar rolled his eyes.

“Of course it doesn’t. It belongs to your boyfriend silly. You were going to give it to _him_.” Balthazar frowned and urged Dean to take the ring again.

“My boyfriend?” Dean asked then another static sequence of Michael occurred, it made his head hurt.

“Cas. You mean Castiel?” Dean grunted out which made Balthazar mouth ‘what’.

“I don’t know who this Castiel is but that’s not the name I remember.” Balthazar confessed and didn’t seem like he was lying. “His name is Michael.”

Dean’s heart dropped as soon as he heard Cas’ brother’s name.

“Or was, unless he got a name change. Although I liked his name already-,” Balthazar continued while Dean was rendered speechless. “He was with you when you needed to get your ring resized. You two were such a good-looking couple, I wouldn’t and couldn’t forget something like that.”

“No that’s crazy!” Dean shook his head furiously. “That can’t be right.” Another static of Michael’s face appeared, this time the man was smiling. “I’ve never been in here with Michael. You probably got his name mixed up or something…” Dean was determined to convince them all otherwise.

“No, I’m pretty sure it was a Michael.” Balthazar tried to explain but Dean cut him off again.

“And how is that possible? I’m dating his brother Cas- Castiel! I’m getting married to him!” Dean pulled his phone out and displayed his home screen. It was a picture of Castiel. “It’s this guy right? Is this the one you’re talking about?”

Dean asked and desperately longed for Balthazar’s answer to be yes.

“Nope. Never seen that guy before. Although he’s gorgeous, perhaps just as gorgeous as Michael I think. Tall, blond and blue eyes…” Balthazar’s description quickly made Dean open his gallery to flick through his photos.

When he found a picture of Michael he quickly displayed it to Balthazar.

“Is it this guy?” Dean asked and Balthazar beamed.

“Yes, that’s the one. Did you take that photo recently? Because I think he’s gotten bigger and even more scrumptious.”

Dean’s heart sank even deeper than before.

“No way…that’s impossible…” he muttered.

“Oh well, it happens sometimes…” Balthazar pointed out. “Sometimes if it doesn’t work out with your partner, you move on. Sometimes, you move on to their sibling.”

While Balthazar explained, Dean stared at the floor and tried to fight the chaos whirling inside him like a tornado. Unfortunately, it was a losing battle.

“No- I don’t mean impossible as in, ‘I’m now dating Michael’s brother’, impossible as in-,” Dean bitterly stated to Balthazar. “I never did. I’m dating Cas- engaged to him even!”

“Well that’s not how I remember it.” Balthazar bit back.  

“Who else is it supposed to be? He’s the only guy I’ve ever dated!” Dean shook his head angrily then showed Balthazar his ring finger. “He gave me this ring!”

“On the contrary Dean, Michael gave you that ring. He gave it to you and you both went here to have it resized. It was then, when you returned to pick it up, you gave me this ring.” Balthazar waved the gold ring in front of Dean. “You gave me this ring and asked me to get it engraved, to match the very ring that he- Michael- gave you. You wanted to give it to him as a surprise. I think you were gonna ask him to marry you.”

Dean listened as Balthazar explained carefully. All the static whirring in his skull suddenly overwhelmed his senses as he heard the last part about ’marrying’ Michael.

Then all of a sudden, everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did I go? Was the chapter turbulent enough?  
> Want more?
> 
> I think you all know what the next chapter is gonna be about.


	35. Chapter 35- Vipers and Spiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jealousy is a funny thing Castiel. It comes in all forms of shapes and sizes.” Luke clasped his hands together and leaned forward. “And it is a darkness within all of us. A darkness which festers and controls our actions into doing terrible things. The princes of our story were subjected to such, and it was a jealousy that was all encompassing and all destroying. Our sister had that jealousy.”  
> -Lucifer Novak Ch. 35: Vipers and Spiders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that the sequence of this chapter does not confuse you. The flashbacks are intertwining with the present storyline due to plot purposes and literary technique. As we reach the finale of this fic, I wished to show a clever way in colliding Michael's past with the current timeline. I thought this would do the trick :)

**-Michael-**

From the very moment when the phone call ended, Michael left the hotel suite in a zombie-like state. Everything was on the verge of collapse and Michael never felt more powerless. The last time he was at this state was around the time before Dean got into an accident. In the period right after they broke up, for what he believed was the final time.

***

 

**-Three Years Ago-**

After Michael’s relationship ended with Dean, Michael went back home to inform his sister of the news. Anna was ecstatic to say the least.

“You did well brother. You made the right decision.” Anna smirked smugly with her arms crossed. Michael didn’t say anything and instead, he wandered around the house aimlessly. His soul crushed within.

“Don’t be like that brother dearest.” Anna tried grabbing his attention but Michael could only give her a slight glance.

“It was for your own good and his. You don’t actually believe that you were going to spend the rest of your life with him? Don’t make me laugh brother. You can’t possibly see marriage happening in the near future- let alone stability.” Anna stepped closer and crowded Michael near the stairs. “If you had been more serious with him, he will eventually realize that your heart belongs to your family, to us…and _only_ to us. There is no room for the likes of him. Or anyone else for that matter.”

Anna swayed to catch his line of sight. “Remember your duty for this family. Remember the task that our father left you. Family comes first, before anything else. You would not dare disappoint him now, will you?”

The question bore into Michael’s skull like a mechanical drill.

“I-I am exhausted…I wish to rest.” Michael bowed his head and averted Anna’s gaze as much as possible. He proceeded to climb the stairs while he felt Anna’s eyes on his back.

“But you know I was right, brother.” Anna called out and Michael stopped dead on his tracks. “You did not really love him. He was just a fling, nothing more.”

Michael turned to face his sister. He knew he was within the rights to correct her but unfortunately, he did not have the energy.

“Yes, you are right.” Michael lied of course however if the wide grin on Anna’s face indicated anything, it was that he no longer had to worry about Gabriel and Castiel finding out.

“Of course I am. Don’t ever underestimate me.” Anna said triumphantly but Michael wasn’t underestimating her. He never did.

Nevertheless, he left it at that and went to his room. He shut the door behind him before collapsing on the bed.

***

 

The very next morning, Michael trudged to the kitchen to find Anna and Castiel having breakfast. As soon as Castiel laid his eyes on Michael, he questioned while worry masked his face. Anna redirected Castiel’s attention to his breakfast and made Michael some coffee. It wasn’t long before Castiel finished breakfast. He stood up and gave Michael a kiss on the cheek, telling him that he was glad that Michael was home again and to get well soon. Michael didn’t respond but made a faint smile. It was right after Castiel left the room did Anna grab Michael’s attention.

“Could you be any more obvious?” Anna asked and Michael gave her a pained look.

“Obvious about what sister?” Michael questioned before shifting his eyes to his coffee.

“Don’t play dumb with me Michael.” Anna slammed her hand on the kitchen counter and hissed at Michael. She looked at the door to check if it was clear before crowding closer to Michael, and whispered to his ear. “Here I am trying my best to keep my mouth shut, and all you do is mope around the house, worrying Castiel.”

Anna jabbed her index finger to the counter as she whispered her scolding. “Do you want Castiel to know about your dirty little secret? Is that what you want? For our darling brother to know that his brother is a filthy fag slut?”

Michael squeezed his eyes shut in agony. He could not reply through words so he merely shook his head cautiously.

“Then you better shape up brother. You’re supposed to be happy now that you’re here, not in the arms of that Winchester fella.” Anna pointed a finger at Michael. “Don’t test me brother. Don’t let your sacrifices go in vain.” She threatened before storming off the room.

Throughout the day, Michael was subjected to Anna’s subtle wraths. She would taunt him whenever she could, and she wasn’t above using Castiel.

When Michael retired to Father’s study, Castiel arrived with a plate of cookies and two glasses of milk, a treat that they used to have when they were younger. Michael appreciated the gesture but his pocket of happiness was cut short when Anna arrived. She had a sinister aura about her as she stood next to Castiel, her hands placed on his shoulders.

“You’re such a sweet boy Castiel, doing this for your brother.” Anna rubbed her hands on Castiel’s shoulders and darted a menacing look toward Michael.

“I thought that he would feel better if I brought him a snack.”  Castiel explained and Anna hummed in delight.

“I know baby brother.” Anna cooed the youngest Novak. “You always do what’s right for your family. What did we do to deserve such a loving and caring brother?” Anna asked and a deep blush appeared on Castiel’s cheeks.

“It is of no consequence, sister.” Castiel modestly stated.

“Oh but it is, my darling brother. You see, we have to be strong not just to ourselves but for this family. After all, we only have each other. There is nothing more important.” Anna said and Castiel nodded naively.

“Yes sister.” Castiel beamed, unaware of what his sister was trying to do. Anna did not leave her eyes from Michael nor did her menacing smile abate. Michael pleaded with his eyes as he could see what she was trying to do. She was trying to remind him of the hold that she had over Castiel.

“Cassie, why don’t you be a dear and take the dishes away and wash them.” Anna suggested while Michael was in the middle of eating a cookie.

“But Michael is not finished yet.” Castiel pointed out then Anna darted Michael a knowing look.

“Ehem, but I am. You may take them away now, brother.” Michael answered and placed his half-finished cookie back on the plate.

Though Castiel had a confused expression, he took the tray of cookies away and headed toward the door, but not before leaving his siblings one more endearing smile.

Once the door was shut, Anna’s bright and smiling expression immediately turned stoic.

“See what I mean Michael?” Anna asked and narrowed her eyes at Michael. “If you are not careful, you will give your secret away.”

“I’m sorry.” Michael muttered guiltily even though he knew he did nothing wrong.

“You better be. And you better not try to get back with Dean or try anything sneaky, such as see him when I am not aware. I will know if you are seeing him again Michael. Mark my words, I will know.” Anna raised a speculative eyebrow.

“I will not.” Michael desperately blurted. “Dean and I are through. It’s over. You will not expect any trouble from me.”

“I don’t believe you.” Anna placed her hands on Father’s table and leaned forward to meet Michael’s eyes. “I will never trust you again. Not after all the lies you made. So if I find out that you’re trying to get back with him, I swear I will end you.”

She threatened again before leaning back and crossing her arms. “It’s refreshing seeing you like this. Vulnerable and pathetic. I’m glad the table have turned.” Anna giggled to herself.

“Do whatever else that you want with your life but just remember, falling in love, all that romantic fluff? Doesn’t work for you. Or for any of us for that matter. Gabriel should’ve taught you that lesson by now.” Anna rolled her eyes condescendingly.

“Please sister, do not bring him into this. Gabriel’s situation was very different from what happened to me. Why do you scorn your brother even though he has done nothing wrong to you?” Michael cried out when Anna’s eyes suddenly blazed with fury.

“Because he got what was coming!” Anna bit out and slammed her hands on Father’s table. “That brother of ours was so fixated by falling in love that he turned a blind eye on what that wretched whore was doing to him. And look what happened- when the truth was laid bare, he could not handle it, he turned into just like you, empty and desperate. Sleeping around and doing God knows what harm to himself. Hyperactive fool that brother of ours.” Anna clicked her cheek and shook her head judgingly. “You see dear brother, this is what happens when our family gets involved in romance, we all turn weak and pathetic. Our vulnerability is shown and the result, everyone suffers. It started from Father and now it has afflicted you! At least Luke is more honest about himself. He would never pursue something so self-destructive as ‘love’, because he knows what it does to us. To this family. You should learn from him. He’s got being heartless down pat.”

Anna headed to the door but stopped to turn to Michael, once more. “Again, I wouldn’t care if you sleep around. But as soon as you start thinking that you have a heart to give to anyone, that’s when the nightmare starts.”

Was what she said before closing the door behind him.

***

**-Michael-**

He tried calling Castiel and Gabriel but they wouldn’t answer. He even tried Sam but he also did not answer. Nobody was answering their phones and Michael was in the brink of insanity. He was on his way home as Luke said that there was a ‘surprise’ waiting for him there. Lord knows what Luke meant by that, but for all Michael knew, it was not a good surprise.

On his way back to his neighborhood, Michael thought about Luke’s words carefully.

_‘Know this, my dear brother, I will not allow you to continue on this path. I will do all that is in my power to save you, even if it means saving you from yourself.’_

It wasn’t the first time that Michael heard someone said that to him. Gabriel, Tessa, Sam and many others had told him the same thing before. However, his thoughts were somehow driven to the night before Dean got into an accident.

However, there was one instance that differed. Michael remembered it as he drove passed Bobby’s place but did not stop. The very moment when all possibilities led to the very fate that tore him and Dean apart.

***

 

**-Three Years Ago-**

Unable to handle Anna’s taunts anymore, Michael decided to leave his home and drown himself in whiskey at Benny’s bar.

The crowd of people were as vibrant as usual and no matter how loud it got, Michael kept his attention focused on his phone, and waited. He waited for a call or a text from Dean. Anything really. At this point in time, Michael had left numerous messages and voice mails to the Winchester. Unfortunately, not a single reply was received.

The longer Michael waited, the more the bitterness left the whiskey. While drunk, he could process very little, like the fact that he was miserable. Or the fact that his sister was a sociopath, his family in shambles and love life mangled. His heart too was in pieces.

When all else failed, Michael looked above, not literally above him because a bar ceiling was all there was. No, Michael looked above to the heavens where he prayed to the angels who were supposedly watching over him, over everyone. And above all, the Almighty Father was listening to his prayer.

He prayed for a sign. A divine intervention of some sort.

“Hey there.” Someone’s voice grabbed his attention and when he turned toward it, a young man stood before him. “Mind if I sit next to you?”

In the end, he got what he asked for. Even though he wasn’t sure what it was precisely.

“I noticed that you were drinking alone and wondered if it would be alright to join you.” The young man declared. Michael inspected the young man briefly, he had dirty blonde hair like Dean’s but not the same eye color. Instead of green, Michael could see a pool of blues.

“I don’t know why you’d wish to join someone like me.” Michael huffed out and finished his glass. The cold ice touched his lips and made droplets of water leak on the corners of his mouth.

“I’m here by myself and a little mingling wouldn’t hurt.” The younger man grinned from ear to ear. “My name’s Adam. What’s yours?” Adam held a hand out for formalities and Michael took one long look before taking it.

“Michael. Now if you don’t mind, I would like to be alone.” Michael abruptly stated.

“Don’t think you remember me, but I remember you.”

That caught Michael’s attention. “Oh?”

“You were the guy who was seeing that spiky haired guy, the one who punched the guy who was talking to me ages ago. I think there was a misunderstanding of some sort.” Adam speculated and Michael tried to remember for a moment. Out of all the jealous outbursts that Dean made, he remembered at least. It was around the time he was just getting to know the Winchester.

“I remember now. Why are you here?” Michael narrowed his eyes.

 “Thought you could use the company.” Adam’s smile was warm like the feeling that the whiskey gave Michael.

“You thought wrong then. I know your kind, the kind that preys on the miseries of others and take them, when they are most vulnerable and weak.” Without another second to waste on Adam, Michael ordered another drink from Benny, who told him to take it easy.

“If you know this, then you should not have any trouble resisting me. Shame, I was _only_ hoping to lend a listening ear to whatever ails you.” Adam said with a shrug.

“None of your business.” Michael bit out.

“That’s true. Was just letting you know that if you needed to talk to someone, I’m here since I got nothing better to do. Everyone seems to be in their own little worlds already. Makes it hard to socialize actually.” Adam looked around before turning to Michael.

“I think socializing is the least of your worries.” Michael didn’t look back, he merely sipped his drink then continued to stare at his miserable reflection on the mirror of the bar.

“Okay…I guess you’re really not interested in talking huh?” Adam asked but this time, Michael did not answer. He simply gave the younger man a cold shoulder.

“Okay then, have a good night.” Adam left and walked somewhere else in the bar. Michael sighed to himself, he despaired at the thought that the Holy Father had abandoned him.

A short while later, he realized that he spoke too soon.

Some pretentious douchebag in a suit started chatting Michael up and Michael had to resist punching the random guy’s face. It wasn’t until the guy got handsy before Michael decided to react, only to be interrupted by Adam, who told the stranger to leave.

“I guess I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t take a hint.” Adam admitted and Michael raised an eyebrow. He contemplated on leaving the bar and going to his hotel suite because his home was the last place he wanted to return to right now and Bobby’s place was out of the question.

Instead, he allowed Adam to take the seat next to him. He did not outwardly offer yet he didn’t decline either.

“So are you gonna tell me why you’re all grouchy tonight? Or am I gonna have to fight another random person?” Adam asked and the way he said ‘grouchy’ reminded Michael of Dean’s poutiness.

“If it will make time go faster, then sure.” Michael grumbled but it somehow made Adam chuckle.

“You must have plenty of friends.” Adam sarcastically noted and this time, it reminded Michael of one of Dean’s most prominent attitude. He tried to erase the Winchester’s smile from his face yet kept Adam at a comfortable distance. He did not really think much of the younger man beside him, but he still exercised caution.

“Sarcasm aside, you are wrong.” Michael pointed out and decided to indulge in conversation with Adam. No matter what he did, he could not take Dean off his mind. It would probably be a while before he could get rid of the aching and longing in his chest.

Perhaps he didn’t have to deal with it alone.

***

 

“So you’re telling me, that you broke it off with this Dean guy because you think that you’re going too fast?” Adam asked with concern in his tone while Michael gave a slight nod.

“It’s for the best.” Michael repeated, although he forgot the amount.

“Yeah, so you’ve said like a billion times already.” Adam noted before finishing his glass of beer that he ordered just before Michael shared his backstory with Dean. He excluded the part about Anna of course because he was not the kind to tarnish his siblings’ reputation. This problem was a family business and he intended to keep it that way.

“You wanna know what I think?”

Adam asked and Michael sniggered. “Even if I say no, you will tell me anyway.”

A sour expression occurred on Adam’s face but he let it pass. “Your real problem here is, that you think you know who you are and what you deserve. You think so, but you don’t. Not really....”

As if taken aback by Adam’s words, Michael turned to raise an eyebrow at the younger man. Adam continued. “Sure Dean went against your initial plans, but you did as well. You denied both Dean and yourself a chance to be happy. And it’s because, I think…”

The younger man halted for a moment to think carefully of his words. “I think that you are too afraid to give yourself that chance. You think that it’s not worth it. That it’ll bite you in the long run however, if that’s how it is then, you’ll always be wondering on the maybe- like maybe if you did something differently then perhaps- and so on and so forth…”

This time Michael couldn’t sit idly by and let him go on. “What would you know? Like I said, I have too much responsibility to bear. It is not worth it.”

Adam shook his head. “Yes it _is_. Taking a chance to be happy, even if the risks are great is worth more than a lifetime of regret. If you do become happy then at least you can look back and think ‘you’ve given it your all’. Otherwise, you’ll never know when another chance will arrive. It could be an irreplaceable chance…”

“Huh. Then there are no more chances left for me.” Michael made a sound that was almost close to a maniacal chuckle.

“Don’t say that. There’s always a chance, all you have to do is take it.” Adam worriedly muttered but Michael did not look his way.

“Easier said than done.”

“Never say never.” Adam contested before adding, “C’mon Michael, have a leap of faith for once. You’ve been playing it safe for this long and I think it’s time to make big decisions, and really grow up. Will you try at least?”

“I cannot make any promises.” Michael was almost convinced and elated, in fact, by Adam’s words. The old Michael would have agreed by now, instead, the current Michael stared at his drink which was almost finished, just like the night, just like his hopes and dreams with Dean.

With one last gulp, the cool liquid entered Michael’s mouth, invigorating. Perhaps there was good to be gained from opening to others, even to strangers he would never see again.

“I guess we shall call it a night.” Michael declared and saw Adam hastily finish his drink. The younger man pointed out that the night was still early and clarified if Michael was sure about withdrawing so soon. Michael reassured him, with a friendly smile and a pat on the shoulder, a gesture he usually gave Gabriel.

On Michael’s way back to the hotel suite, which was not far from Benny’s bar, the younger man followed despite his protestations. He did not invite the other man to follow but Adam’s stubbornness was beginning to mirror Dean’s- only so slightly. Adam’s excuse was that he was worried about Michael’s wellbeing, on his way back to his room, despite Michael completely aware of his surroundings and Adam’s intentions.

 “I know you mean well Adam but I am afraid that I am not interested in taking anyone back into this room.” Michael gestured at his suite and Adam peered over his shoulder to inspect the place.

“Oh ok. Maybe some other time then?” Adam asked with an expectant look on his face.

“Perhaps…” Michael nodded but internally unconvinced. He knew the younger man wanted more but unfortunately for him, Michael cannot consent. Maybe if his wounded heart had healed then in time, perhaps Michael would enjoy the company of another person again. But for now, his heart belonged to one person and one person alone.

“Can I kiss you goodnight?” Adam asked as Michael was about to close the door.

“I beg your pardon?” Michael asked.

“I asked if I could kiss you goodnight at least. Since I think that’s all I’m gonna get from you. Ever.” Adam said and Michael furrowed his brow.

“I don’t think that’s a good-idea.” He replied.

“Well it’s just that- I’m pretty sure you’ll be avoiding me the next time we see each other. I have a feeling that guys like you don’t open up to anyone so easily, and you were right about me taking advantage of your vulnerable state. I figured that you’d be avoiding me the next time I see you, since you shared some really heavy stuff with me.” Adam explained and Michael did not agree nor correct him. He knew that had no plans in seeing Adam in a very long time, nor soon be out and about in the scene. It was too early for that.

Adam fidgeted on Michael’s doorstep before looking up to meet Michael’s eyes. “I only ask for one, even if it’s just on the cheek. My momma always kissed me when something was hurting. The hurting always went away.”

Adam was a weird kid, Michael thought but then Dean also had weird tendencies that Michael wished he could see again.

“If I let you, will you go away?” Michael asked with a slight annoyance in his tone.

“Scout’s honor.” Adam crooked his fingers together.

“Very well. On the cheek.” Michael firmly stated before leaning to let Adam peck his cheek.

It wasn’t so bad. In fact, Adam’s point on the subject rang some truth, Michael did feel a little better.

“Now on the other one.” Adam insisted and Michael glared at the boy.

“You said just one.”

“I know I did, but I meant one on each cheek.” Adam cheekily said and Michael took a step back.

“Good night-,”

“Wait!” Adam stopped the door. “Just one more!” he quickly said. “Please?”

Michael gave him an irritated stare before another excused left his mouth. “Just one more kiss and I’ll go away. Promise.” Adam whined out and made a puppy face.

Michael sighed then placed his hands on his waist, as if displaying disappointment. Somehow, his adamant conviction was unable to prevail and allowed the younger man get what he wanted. Even after Adam’s hands languidly reached for the sides of his face, or after the younger man pulled his face closer; Michael remained impartial and unabashed.

He didn’t think much of the younger man.

“What are you doing?” Michael quickly pulled away as soon as his lips touched Adam’s. Even if it was just a graze, sickness started in the pit of Michael’s core.

Unashamed, Adam licked his lips and pretended to be unaffected by how Michael abruptly flicked his hands away.

“Taking a chance.” Adam lustfully whispered then tried reaching up for Michael’s lips again, but stopped just before it reached its destination.

“Why’re you being stubborn? I know you want this…” Adam’s hands tried, perhaps out of stubbornness, to pull Michael’s face again but the older blond made his intentions violently clear.

“No, stop.” Michael leered at the younger man. “You misunderstand; I have no intentions of taking a chance, right this moment. And even if I did, it would not be for you.”

Adam made a face as if he was a child, whose toy was taken away.

“What’re you talking about?” Adam’s eyes wondered around for a moment before a smile formed on his face, and it seemed to be driven by epiphany. “You mean Dean?” Adam’s hands rested on his hips arbitrary. “C’mon Michael, it’s about time you realize that it’s over between the two of you. It’s never gonna work and it’s definitely never gonna happen. So like I suggested before, you should look at the opportunity in front of you, and take it.”

“I made it clear before that I am not interested and you, yourself, have pointed out that I wish to have nothing more to do with you.

Michael’s nose flared and he wondered at who he was angrier at, Adam or himself. He thought the latter.

“I think you should leave.” Michael grabbed the door handle and was ready to close it when Adam slammed his hand on the hard surface.

“I don’t get it.” Deep bitterness was found in the darkness of Adam’s eyes. “Dean’s not here. If he really wanted you, then he should’ve contacted you by now. If he really loved you just like how you described it, he would be standing here in front of you right now. Not me.”

“I don’t see your point. You told me that I was too afraid to take a chance, that I should take a ‘leap of faith’-,”

“I was talking about myself!” Adam pointed at his chest. “It’s me who you should be focusing on, not Dean. He’s done with you yet I’m here! I’m giving you an opportunity to be happier or at get over Dean, but you just don’t want to. Not without a little bit of persuasion.”

Then it dawned on Michael, the person standing in front of him sounded exactly like someone close to his heart.

“Even you should’ve seen where this night was going Michael. You’d know, you let me follow you all the way up here.”

“No.” Michael shook his head and tried to shake off his frustration. “You came at your own accord.”

“But you did not protest! You see Michael, the thought of sleeping with me did not only cross your mind, you were _really_ considering it. It’s the truth. Deep down, you don’t really want a relationship. You’re not the kind. That thing with Dean- it was just something to pass the time. Well it’s time to shape up Michael. Time to let loose and be who you truly are.”

At that moment, Michael knew exactly who Adam sounded like.

He sounded like her. He sounded exactly like Anna.

After days of pent up frustration and rage toward the very person who never believed him. Michael was now convinced, more than ever, to slam the door on someone else who didn’t believe him as well.

“You should go.”

Michael tried closing the door again but only to be halted by a slam from Adam’s hand.

“You’re making a huge mistake Michael!” Adam’s teeth gritted and his fingernails rendered the surface. “When everything falls apart with you and that Winchester- you’ll see and you’ll know that I was right!”

Though faced with insurmountable rage, Michael kept a cool head before answering.

“I’ll take my chances.” From the moment Michael threw Adam’s words back to the younger man’s face, Michael felt victorious for the first time in a very long time. Since all this dismay started, Michael found it impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It turned out that he could feel powerful again or at least, a sense of control on what was happening with his life.

Despite not thinking much of the younger man, Michael seemed pleased with himself.

His faith and love for Dean grew ever stronger and with more passion.

And that was his flaw from the very start, Michael did not think too much of Adam. And it was in overlooking this insight that Michael failed to see the tumultuous inevitable.

***

 

**-Castiel-**

Months had passed and Castiel worried. It was not like the usual kind of worrying such as, trying to maintain excellent grades in school in order to get into a good University. No. Castiel’s worries branched out further than that. His worries focused directly to his eldest brother, Michael, who was clearly troubled about something yet chose not to share, no matter how much Castiel had tried.

Then, there was Dean as well. His boyfriend- no- fiancé was troubled about something as well and unfortunately, Castiel could not put a finger to it. Nor could Dean.

No matter how many times he and Dean spoke about it, his fiancé would always be left wondering as to what it was that troubled him. It started with trying to forge a friendship with Michael, right after Dean was rushed to the hospital, bless his brother. Castiel was favorable with Michael and Dean clearing the bad blood between them almost two years by now. Since then, Castiel had never been happier with his beloved brother and he love of his life, coinciding.

After all, Michael and Dean were the two closest people in his life. It used to be Sam but now that Gabriel was in the picture, Castiel was more than happy to step aside.

His trickster of a brother loved Castiel’s best friend more than anything, and would do anything for Sam. The happy couple was almost inseparable.

However today, Gabriel wished to spend time with Castiel, even though they already went out yesterday, shopping for things that he intended to bring to Stanford. Castiel even managed to catch up with Samandriel and Gadreel after not seeing them for a very long time. He had been so focused on his relationship- engagement with Dean, finals right before graduation, and his scholarship to Stanford (which he was still in disbelief of receiving, especially since Michael had nothing to do with it) to see his other friends.

Yes, Castiel’s life had been so turbulent that there wasn’t much time to catch up on old friends and past acquaintances. There was just so much to do yet at the same time, there was much to leave behind. His friends, his family and his home would remain here while he would move to the other side of the country.

It was still hard to believe that he truly was at the doorstep of adulthood. No more would Castiel rely on anyone for help.  Neither Dean, nor Michael could support him once he settled in California.

All his life, Michael nurtured and attended to him and later on, Dean captured his heart. Everything and everyone that he loved was here and so Castiel was left staring at empty space, despondent and regretting, while Gabriel led him through the city.

“Cassie! Is something the matter?” Gabriel asked and Castiel snapped out of his trance. He shook his head and urged Gabriel to go on while they passed through the busy-bodies of the city’s streets. Castiel had not the slightest clue as to where they were going or why Gabriel needed him to tag along.

It wasn’t until they reached the front of Samandriel’s restaurant did Castiel voice his curiosity. He told Gabriel that he wasn’t hungry however his brother merely walked on. Once inside, a different waiter- instead of Samandriel, led them to a booth. Castiel called for Gabriel, but his brother kept his back turned to him until they reached their designated booth to find someone whom Castiel had not seen for quite some time now.

“Ah Castiel!” Luke was in the booth and got up to pull Castiel in for a warm embrace. He had a phone in hand before shoving it down his pocket. Luke gestured both him and Gabriel to take the seat opposite him.

“It is good to see you. It has been a while, how are you, brother?” Luke smiled fondly.

“I have been well, brother. This morning, I saw your post, it said that you were in the city. Why did you not come to visit?” Castiel asked and both of his brothers shared a look.

“I have been on vacation.” Luke answered then Castiel narrowed his eyes.

“You did not attend my graduation.” He muttered bitterly then continued. “You have not returned any of my messages or emails either. I waited for a reply, I waited for months!”

“Ah, my apologies for that.” Luke’s apology did not have a trace of sarcasm or pretense. “I have been quite busy with something…that I had not had the chance to congratulate you.” The sincerity even made Castiel feel guilty for raising his voice. “Congratulations brother, you have made me prouder than I already am. I knew you could do it. Finally, you have left high school hell and now ready to take on the real world. Just like the rest of us. Our parents would be proud, wherever they may be.”

Castiel’s cheeks went scarlet at hearing Luke praise him. Out of his siblings, he received very little to no positive attention from Luke. Often Luke teased him or brought him to tears so it was quite a shock to hear such warm words from his brother.

“Thank you…” Castiel replied in gratitude. Before they could go on, the waiter arrived and asked if they wanted anything. Luke ordered for them all, the biggest serving of sundae for Gabriel and a cheeseburger meal for Castiel.

“So, my dear baby brother. What else has been going on with your life? How are you and Dean?” Luke asked and Castiel answered truthfully. He told Luke about how he and Dean were at the brink of breaking up when Castiel suggested moving to the same university as Sam, about how they reconciled and Castiel getting down on one knee to propose to Dean, about how Michael gave them his blessing-

“He gave you his blessing?” Luke asked and sounded surprised, though it wasn’t wholly convincing.

“Yes he did. He was the one who gave me the idea. The one who handed to me, our mother’s ring. The very ring I used to propose to Dean.” Castiel looked down at the table and smiled at remembering the look on Dean’s face when he proposed. Dean was speechless for a moment before saying yes and repeating it over and over. It was a moment of happiness, one that Castiel would treasure for the rest of his life.

“Did he now…that’s very interesting…” Luke leaned back and tapped his lips with his index finger.

Castiel felt something was amiss from the way Luke stared in the distance but before he could address it, their food arrived. Gabriel had not interrupted or intervened in Castiel and Luke’s conversation since they started, and it surprised Castiel. Usually those two were partners in crime when it came to picking on him. Instead, Gabriel just sat on his seat, glanced at them both every now and then, but was now enamored by the large desert in front of him.

“How about you brother?” Castiel asked after having a bite of his burger. “What have you been doing in your vacation?”

Luke glanced at Castiel steadily before his eyes flickered toward Gabriel, who stopped halfway from scooping a large serving of ice cream to his mouth.

“Well since you asked, I don’t see the point in hiding it anymore.” Luke grinned mischievously which made Gabriel sputter.

“Luke-,” Gabriel hissed.

“What is it brother?” Luke rolled his eyes at Gabriel. “It’s better that he hears it now than later.”

“You agreed that we were going to talk about it when Michael is with us! You were only meant to catch up with Castiel first!” Gabriel pointed out and Luke smirked.

“And I am catching up. I’m just here having a brotherly moment with my two favorite brothers-,”

“One.” Castiel corrected for it was the truth. Luke’s indisputable favorite was Gabriel.

Luke raised his hand in surrender. “Okay fine. But you can’t deny that it has been a while since we’ve had a **_sibling_** reunion-,” Suddenly Gabriel slammed his hand on the mantle cloth.

“Luke that is enough! This is why I wouldn’t let you meet up with Castiel alone because I knew you were going to ruin everything!” Gabriel snarled and Luke raised an eyebrow at him.

“Ruin what, brother? I believe the situation was already doomed before I can even say anything.” Gabriel groaned angrily but Luke nevertheless continued. “What difference does it make? He will find out today, if my calculations are right. I did not rush back here for nothing.”

“Find out about what?” Castiel asked and suddenly, months of feeling like he had been kept in the dark resurfaced and intensified. “What is it that I need to know?” Castiel turned to both Gabriel and Luke.

Gabriel gave him a piteous look then turned away, guiltily, while Luke looked at him directly in the eyes.

“We ought to inform you that…” Luke paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, on the other hand, Castiel suffered in silence.

“We found Anna.” Gabriel finished for Luke and the elder Novak retracted back to his seat.

“What?” Castiel’s mouth went agape in disbelief. “Are you- you speak the truth?” Castiel asked, unconvinced.

“It’s the truth.” Luke took his attention. “We found her, Castiel. We found our long lost sister.”

Suddenly, Castiel remembered memories of his sister. Of her red hair, blue eyes and warm smile. Of the day she left, packed her bags and disappeared without a trace. Of the joy and sorrow.

He was not about to cry.

“You found her.” Castiel’s mouth stammered. He thought really hard about what to say next. There was a maelstrom of questions in his head, things that he wanted to know about his sister. Then he remembered the pain he felt when she just left him. Left without even saying goodbye.

“How is she?” Castiel asked scornfully.

“She’s fine. More than fine. I haven’t spoken or approached her. I was merely looking from afar as I gazed upon her life without us…” Luke smirked at his thoughts. “It seems like she’s better off without us. At least, that is what I believe.”

He buried his sentimentality as he remembered Michael’s state after she disappeared. Both Gabriel and Luke were apathetic but Michael was devastated. More devastated than Castiel that he would have surely forgotten how devastated he was. Just like the time when Father left, Michael was not only depressed but almost catatonic.

He was utterly destroyed.

Castiel had never seen his brother so vulnerable that it overpowered his attachment to Anna. Anna left despite knowing what it would do to the family, to Michael. Michael remained and became the world to Castiel. He filled the gap that Anna created and so much more.

“Okay.” Castiel replied with firm callousness.

“Okay?” Gabriel asked as if he was expecting a more intense reaction.

“Yes, okay.” Castiel narrowed his eyes. “As dear as she was to me, she chose to leave. Abandon us all without another word. She did what our Father did, despite knowing what it would do to our family. To our dear brother, Michael.”

Gabriel and Luke looked at each other again, both their faces filled with different intensities of shock.

“I thought you were close to her. Closer than any of us.” Gabriel stated but it sounded like a question.

“Yes, I rarely speak ill of our sister, especially in Michael’s presence. I try not to mention her or voice how I truly feel because I am afraid that it would upset our brother. He does not take abandonment well.” Castiel commented and felt a slight guilt in voicing his feelings when Michael was not around.

“Interesting…very interesting…” Luke’s smirk went deeper which brought concern to Gabriel’s face. “You say that you are greatly concerned about Michael’s wellbeing regarding sensitive subjects?” Luke asked and Castiel nodded. “And you hide your true feelings about a subject, in fear that it would hurt someone you love?” Luke asked another question and Castiel nodded guiltily.

Luke turned to Gabriel with a slight triumphant expression. “Well I’ll be Gabriel…the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree…” Gabriel merely rolled his eyes and looked annoyed.

“I try not to.” Castiel defended himself as guilt curdled in his core. “I could never hide anything from Michael. He has done so much for me. For all of us. I owe him my honesty at least.”

“Ah, but that is where you are wrong Castiel.” Luke threw his hands at the back of his head. “You shouldn’t think like that. Do not think that you owe anyone anything, not unless an agreement has been writ on paper. Even those who are closest to you, are not incapable of wretched things…”

Castiel tilted his head in confusion as he tried to decode Luke’s riddle.

“Don’t listen to him Castiel.” Gabriel interjected and grabbed his attention. “If you want to tell Michael how you feel, you just go on ahead and say it. He can handle it. I’m sure he can.”

“Ah you may be right in one respect, Gabriel.” Luke cut in. “However, I don’t believe the same goes, should the tables are turned.”

“LUKE!” Gabriel cried out and Castiel was even more confused.

“What do you mean?” Castiel furrowed his brow and gave both his brother’s the puppy eyes. “I feel as if you wish to tell me something but are failing to express it.”

Gabriel grabbed his arm and concern written all over his expression. “Castiel-,”

“Allow me.” Luke interjected then turned his head to Castiel. His face had a seriousness which Castiel had not seen in a very long time. Not since before their Father left. “What I am about to tell you is something that may change your life and perceptions about the people whom you hold most precious. If you truly wish to know then I shall tell you, but know that once I start- there is no going back. Are you still willing to know?”

Castiel thought about it for a moment then nodded. He had been in the dark for a very long time now. It was time to see the light.

“Very well. Then I shall tell you.” Luke smirked diabolically then looked at Gabriel for one last time before continuing. “Our sister Anna, was not how I should say, salt to the earth. She had a darkness in her that could rival mine on her good days. And that is saying something brother.”

Luke’s explanation helped very little and since he sensed that, he chose a different method.

“Let me explain with a story. I am better at telling stories, although not as proficient as our Father or as creative as Gabriel. Yet I believe, through a narrative will you understand the concepts that I wish to impart.”

Castiel shuffled to get more comfortable in his seat.

“Once upon a time, there were two princes. Born and raised in two different worlds. Though their lives and upbringings were different, it did not stop their fates from colliding, nor did it stop their hearts from falling in love. They were hopelessly in love. Their fights ravaged everything and everyone around them without a second thought, yet at the same time, their reconciliation, conceivably inevitable, could melt all the hearts of the world.” Luke paused to clear his throat. “Believe or not Castiel, such a love can exist- have existed- and it can happen to anyone. Even the people you know.”

A toothy grin appeared on Luke’s face. “Do you have an idea of the kind of love that I am talking about?”

Castiel shook his head.

“You would not remember it because you were only a babe when our mother departed, however Gabriel and I remember. We remember their love. It is very similar to the love that I allude to in my story.”

Castiel listened intently and registered everything that Luke said in memory. “I see. Carry on.”

“No matter how many trials they undertake, though their love be a paradox; the lovers, the two princes would always return in each other’s arms. Back in the other’s loving embrace. It was a love worthy of other people’s envy. And it was this envy that brought about its destruction.” Luke’s voice dropped at the end like a violin reaching the end of its melancholy piece.

“Anna hated that form of love. More than anything.”

 

***

**-Three Years Ago-**

When the door of the suit numbered 777 slammed shut, Adam’s night was ruined. He did everything that he could to persuade Michael to sleep with him. He flirted with and consoled him, yet Michael was too enraptured by another man to submit into his temptations.

And Adam could feel the other man’s temptations. Whether it was physical or emotional, he could tell that Michael longed for affection of any kind and Adam was more than willing to give.

Unfortunately, his plans failed and all he could do was stomp to the elevator, jab the Ground level button, and tapped his foot. He felt insulted. He knew he was good-looking enough to grab the attention of many different men. Yet none of them could live up to the one man whom he saw many months ago.

***

 

Michael was talking to a man when Adam first laid eyes on him. Being underage himself, he snuck into the bar which was infamous for men who preferred the company of fellow men behind closed bathroom doors, or dark alleyways. Adam had his fair share of cruising in Benny’s bar for a while now, but at the time, he set his eyes on the tall blond, Greek-God sculpted man.

Michael was what Adam had been trying to conquer for quite some time now. The ‘Bald-Eagle’, infamous for his nightly conquests with only the finest of gents and a few women, though it had been clear that Michael swung for the same team. Adam wanted to see the very tattoo that gave Michael his identity.

He also wanted to lick it.

To his dismay, Dean Winchester entered the scene.

The two men, both marvelous in their physical appearance seemed like a match made in heaven to those who lusted after them. It was so unfair that Michael decided to sleep exclusively with one man.

But when word got around that he was in a serious relationship with Dean, Adam was flabbergasted.

It was very unlike Michael to be committed to one person, let alone be emotionally attached. Alas, the evidence was right in front of Adam. He would see the couple in a crowd of people, mainly Michael for that matter. To his dismay, they fought as much as they made up. A pattern which he had noticed for a while now.

When it seemed that Michael was beyond his reach, an opportunity presented itself, right in front of Adam.

“I know that you have been watching them.” A girl with red hair and hazel eyes approached him, and made Adam jump in fright. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to expose you. We have something in common after all.”

“You’ve been watching them as well? I don’t think Michael swings your way.” Adam possessively pointed out yet a mischievous smile appeared on the red haired girl’s face.

“I know he doesn’t and I’m not interested at Michael in that way. After all, I am his sister. Anna. My name is Anna.” Anna held out a hand but Adam took a moment before taking it.

“If you’re his sister, then why are you helping me?” Adam asked and Anna snickered.

“Because from the look in your eyes, I can see that you want my brother. To get a taste of him at least.” Anna said and Adam raised an eyebrow. ‘Was she a mind-reader?’ he thought.

“And so? Don’t think I have a chance with him, now that he’s got a regular squeeze.” Adam mourned bitterly then gazed at the couple inside the restaurant.

“It’s just temporary.” Anna waved it off.

“Doesn’t seem like it to me. They’ve fought plenty of times before yet they’re still together. We’re probably gonna hear wedding bells in the future.”

“No were not!” Anna snapped and Adam jumped at the suddenness. “My brother will not end up with that nobody! His judgement is being clouded by that man and I intend to clear things for him.”

Adam raised an eyebrow. “So you’re saying, that you want to break them apart?”

Anna nodded. “It’s for the best. My brother doesn’t know what is best for him anymore, so it is up to me to set things right. Yet I cannot do it alone. I believe that you can help me. Your observations will be very useful.”

Adam straightened his back then stared right into Anna’s eyes. “Why should I help you? What’s in it for me?” he asked.

A sinister smile appeared on Anna’s face. “I know what is in my brother’s heart, he is not fit for a life of commitment and romance. Such weaknesses do not suit him. He is better at breaking hearts than having one. His heart has clouded his eyes from attaining what he truly wants and that is- conquest.” Anna gazed inside the restaurant. “I think that once that man is removed from the picture, the way will open for Michael to realizing what he truly wants.” Then she turned to face Adam. “If you help me get rid of that man-,” She said pointing at Dean. “Then I promise that you will have my brother. You can have him as long as you want, for I know you will not be enraptured by emotions as what that man did. No, you will give my brother what he _deserves_.”

“Fine.” Adam agreed, “I’ll help you.”

The sinister smile on Anna’s face deepened in delight. “Good. What is your name again?”

“Adam.”

***

**-Castiel-**

“Jealousy is a funny thing Castiel. It comes in all forms of shapes and sizes.” Luke clasped his hands together and leaned forward. “And it is a darkness within all of us. A darkness which festers and controls our actions into doing terrible things. The princes of our story were subjected to such, and it was a jealousy that was all encompassing and all destroying. Our sister had that jealousy.”

***

 

**-Three Years Ago-**

“Adam!” Adam turned around to where the voice which called his name was. Not surprisingly it was Anna, she had been watching him and Michael since the night started. Ever since Adam approached Michael.

“Why are you down here? Aren’t you supposed to be upstairs in Michael’s room?” Anna asked and Adam groaned in despair.

“He’s not interested. We laid out the bait but he didn’t bite.  He’s not over Dean! We were dumb to think that he was. It’s over.” Adam mourned sorrowfully. He brushed passed her but she gripped his arm.

“Stop talking nonsense! You are to go up there and persuade my brother to sleep with you! If you don’t, there is a good chance that he and Dean will get back together again. They always do! You know this!”

Adam ripped his arm off her. “Well I’ve tried everything. He’s too in love with Dean that he can’t tell which way’s up!”

“Adam-,” Anna was about to yell at him, when something caught her gaze. Adam turned his head to find Dean standing in front of the glass doors of the hotel. Anna quickly pulled him to the side, behind one of the marble pillars of the room. She had a panicked look on her face.

“He’s here!” Adam whispered even though Dean couldn’t hear let alone see them.

“I know…as expected, he’s going to take him back. It’s like clock-work.” Anna pressed her forehead to think. “It hasn’t even been a week and they’re already trying to get back together! God this is a nightmare!”

“He probably went to the bar looking for Michael.” Adam muttered then an idea struck Anna.

“I’ve got a plan.” Anna turned to him with a devilish determination in her eyes. “I need you to go out there and talk to Dean.”

“What?” Adam placed his hands on his hips. “Why would I do that? I hate the guy!”

“No, can’t you see what’s happening?” Anna asked and Adam shook his head truthfully. “Look at Dean’s state right now. Tell me what you see.”

Adam looked outside and saw Dean fidget then paced up and down the pavement.

“He looks fine, people pace when they’re nervous.” Adam replied and Anna made a pleased sound.

“What do you think is he nervous about?” she asked and Adam shrugged. He did not understand Anna’s riddles the slightest. “Think Adam! He went to the bar to find Michael but he was not there. He left with you.”

“So?” Adam asked then Anna leaned closer to him in frustration.

“And so…Michael left the bar with you. You were with Michael. What do you think that means?” Anna insinuated and it took a few minutes before it dawned on Adam.

“You don’t think-,” Adam was hushed by Anna.

“He thinks Michael brought you to their room. He thinks it’s completely over between you two.” Anna whispered and checked Dean again.

“But that’s not true. Michael’s the complete opposite of being over with Dean.”

“Dean doesn’t know that.” The sinister smile on Anna’s face widened. “For all he knows, you could be up there with Michael as we speak.” Anna held her hand out. “Give me your phone.” She asked him and Adam pulled it out of his pocket.

“What’re you doing?” he asked.

“I’m giving you my darling brother’s number on your phone, and you’re going to go out there and tell Dean that Michael wishes to see you again. With **_subtext_** heavily implied.” Anna handed Adam back his phone. “Tell him that Michael was the best sex you’ve ever had or something of a similar effect. I need you to deeply imply that it’s over between him and Michael, do you understand?”

“I- okay…” Adam took the phone from her and looked outside. Dean was still standing there even more nervous than ever. With his hands in his pocket, Adam gripped his phone and walked to the door.

What he said to Dean next would ultimately weave the threads of Fate into a spider web. Unfortunately for both Michael and Dean, they would be caught in it.

***

**-Castiel-**

“Anna never believed in such a love. She despised it, and I believe that was what led her to the path of destroying what the two princes had.” Luke muttered.

“What do you mean?” Castiel cried out, more confused than ever. “So you say that our sister was cruel at heart? Is that what you mean?” he asked his brother.

“I believe so.” Luke nodded guiltily for some reason.

“Then why are you telling me this? Why? You said you found our sister but you are yet to tell me where she is. Tell me, what is the point of your story?” Castiel asked then turned to both Gabriel and Luke. “Who are these princes whom of which you speak of?”

Luke gave Gabriel another knowing look but this time, they shared a common guilt.

“I think it is time to go home.” Luke replied and Castiel felt his heart drop in disappointment. “I believe, that your questions will be best answered by one of the princes.”

“Prince-,” Castiel thought about it for a moment. “Michael…you mean our brother Michael?”

Gabriel and Luke nodded at the same time. Castiel looked down in disappointment.

“So that was what Michael meant…about his past relationship with someone…he told me that they had to be apart but was it all because of Anna? Did our sister cause such great harm toward our brother? No…” Castiel muttered regrettably. “Don’t answer that…”

“If you wish to know more. I think it is best to hear the truth from Michael.” Luke reached out to hold Castiel’s hand. “What say you, brother?” he asked.

“As you’ve said. Let’s go home.” Castiel repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is on its way!
> 
> Did you all expect that bit of the past of Michael and Dean?


	36. Chapter 36- Fide et Amor: Faithfully and Lovingly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In their hearts, they always kept their promise to each other:
> 
> ‘Faithfully and lovingly; for you, Forever.’
> 
> -Chuck Shurley, Ch. 36: (Fide et amor: Faithfully and Lovingly)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has two parts- the first one being a surprise. A different perspective will be offered in this segment.  
> The second part will be Michael-centric. I tried writing it in Dean's POV but I think the effect was better using Michael's.

**-Narrator-**

**Hello there and welcome, I am the narrator of this story. My name...well my _real_ name- I’d rather not say. My last name was ‘Novak’ but don’t tell _anyone_. I’m not supposed to be called that anymore. Currently my full name is Chuck Shurley, a lone writer. I wasn’t always a writer- I used to have a family, a beautiful wife, and she birthed five wonderful children. Unfortunately, due to twisted circumstances, I had to leave. Or rather, forced to leave. Before this, my wife had an untimely passing, bless her soul wherever she may be, which sent my family into a state of depression. My poor children. They did not deserve to put up with someone like me. If Stella ever found out what I put our children through, I am sure that she will rise from the grave and give me an earful. Or perhaps more. **

**Nonetheless, I guess you could say that I was a terrible father. Then again, history is writ with terrible fathers and sometimes, they receive just what they deserved. How about Cronos? How his son Zeus made him vomit his children from his belly (gross huh?) because he was afraid that one day, one of his children would rise up and take his place in the seat of power. He definitely won’t be receiving any Father of the year awards.**

**But there are also cases when, the children have to bear the burden of their predecessors. Ever heard of the story of Osiris, of how his son Horus had to avenge his father’s murder? Even the Bible has plenty of similar stories, different characters and settings yes, but the song remains the same. Some Fathers just don’t get parenting right.**

**In my case, I left my children in the darkness of the night. I left without saying goodbye, except leaving my third son, Gabriel, my wedding ring. A priceless possession, symbol of the love I shared with Stella. But she was gone and around Castiel’s seventh birthday did I discover that my father Constantine, curse his name, had a love child with someone else.**

**Can you believe that man?**

**He put me though hell when I wanted to be with my wife yet there he was, with a bastard child to another woman, whom my sources told me had a romantic interest for my grandfather, though it was not reciprocated. Apparently, he took advantage of her feelings for him then took some of her money, but not before her parents put an end to the whole affair. The poor woman, she probably didn’t know how heartless my father was, or maybe she did but didn’t care. In the end, I discovered that I had a sister and that there was darkness in her heart. She wanted to destroy everything that I ever loved if I did not agree to meet with her. She would strip my children of what was rightfully theirs and I couldn’t let her do that.**

**And I knew that if I told my children this truth, my sons, especially my eldest Michael, would do whatever to take her down.**

**Unfortunately, he was but a child at the time and I’ve already given him so much responsibility, that I decided that enough was enough.**

**My son shouldered enough responsibility as it was and he was a good kid. He doesn’t deserve to clean up after two generations of fathers before him. It was time to take matters in my own hands so hence I decided to leave. I left my children to fend for themselves even though it would break their hearts in the process. It was cruel and unjust but it was the only way that I can think of to protect them from what was really out there.**

**To protect them from the _darkness_ of those who came before them.**

**But enough about myself, I’m sorry for dragging it out for so long. The story that I’m narrating is not about me, not the slightest. No.**

**The story that I wish to tell you is about two men- no, two princes- who lived in two different worlds. Well they’re not really princes although one of them is literally descended from royalty. They’re princes in a sense that their worlds seem to revolve around them somehow. But none of them knows this. They wouldn’t be able to tell even if I tell them myself but alas, they are princes. They deserve respect and the admiration from the people they love and together, they can join their worlds to create a much better one.**

**One of them just happens to be my son, Michael- ain’t that a funny coincidence?  I always knew that my eldest was destined for greatness, the rest of my children do, but Michael is different. He is different in that he was born to lead- to rise in the face of adversity and claim victory. Unfortunately, these days my son has not seen much light of victory. In fact, he’s seen very little light ever since he was torn from the other prince of this story. His significant other whose name is Dean Winchester.**

**Now Dean, the other prince, is a man whose righteousness exceeds the worth of a thousand crowns, of a thousand victories. Inside Dean’s heart, is kindness ever bountiful…and _love_ , though he doesn’t like to admit. **

**He had enough love for my son to last eternity and my son, to him.**

**To their dismay, destiny was not so kind. One of my children, Anna, my only daughter, grew jealous of the love shared between the two. So she decided to break them apart in a most terrible way. That daughter of mine, she was always the most creative. After all, she spent most of her time in front of a book and ignoring her older brothers who played all day and made their baby brother Castiel cry. When the crying starts, Anna would put her book down and comfort her brother while Michael scolded Luke and Gabriel.**

**This was the life that she grew up in, it was the only life she knew, that and the stories and tales from her books. All that she ever dreamed of were bound in black letters and dusty pages. Nothing else really mattered, other than her family. So when her father, myself, took leave and abandoned them, Anna grew resentful. All of them were, they hated me in some way. Luke’s rebelliousness, Gabriel’s cruelty, Anna’s apathy and Castiel’s misery intensified. But nothing can compare to Michael’s despair.**

**My poor son, he spent his entire life following my orders and upholding my word as law, that when I left, he was but an empty shell. That is the thing about Michael, he invests too much on others, more than himself; it’s a crime. He puts his whole heart and waking hours into serving his family, ensuring they are well, that he forgets about himself. And it was this devotion that spurred Anna into weaving such a tangled web of lies which brought about Michael and Dean’s separation.**

**And it was such a shame. Michael and Dean were so in love. Their relationship almost mirrors what I had with Stella, save for the pregnancy. They were the kind of couple that no matter what the world throws at them, no matter how grim the future got, the two princes would always find a way back into each other’s arms and move forward. And it’s all because they love each other. It’s as simple as that.**

**And at the time, they wished to spend the rest of their lives together even though only one of them made an initiative. It was Dean who wanted to seal the deal and he even had Luke take the ring from my family’s treasury to do so.**

**He had great plans for my ring and his proposal.**

**This wasn’t what Dean originally planned. Initially, Dean intended to experience the full brunt of adulthood and all its glory, he wanted to be his own man. He was the type of man who did not believe that he would be capable of falling in love. After all, Dean was not brought up to stability. Many things come and go in Dean’s life, but in saying that, it never stopped Dean from having a strong sense of justice and a heart of gold. He wanted to make his parents proud by making an honest living through fixing cars at Bobby’s Salvage Yard.**

**He did that and also fell in love.**

**Ah, summer love. It’s a story many of us have heard of and perhaps experienced. It’s a fleeting moment that seem to last forever but only to inevitably fade. Just as the seasons change. It was also summer when I fell in love with Stella.**

**But I digress, I am here to talk about Dean and my son, and how their relationship fell apart.**

**It happened on the night when my son was in the company of another man, Adam, co-conspirator to Anna’s treachery. When my son declined Adam’s advances, as he was still in love with Dean and perhaps always will, Adam was insulted.**

**Envy does incredibly horrible things to people. Adam’s envy just happens to coincide with my daughter’s. So he took it to himself to cause as much harm on Dean as possible. To the naïve man, who nervously paced the pavement at the front of the hotel where Michael stayed at.**

**“What’re you doing here?” Adam caught Dean’s attention as he said it.**

**“Excuse me?” Dean asked, confused as to why this stranger started talking to him.**

**“I said, what are you doing here Dean?” Adam asked and Dean wondered as to how the stranger knew his name.**

**“How do you know my name?”**

**“Take a wild guess.” Adam sneered and it took a brief moment before Dean recognized who he was.**

**“You’re Adam.” Dean answered with terror on his face.**

**“In the flesh.” Adam crossed his arms and smirked indignantly. The conspirator found it easier to forget the rejection by watching Dean tremble before him. “I know why you’re here but I can assure you that you’re the last person that Michael wants to see right now.”**

**“W-What makes you say that?” Dean’s lips trembled and it added to Adam’s satisfaction.**

**“Well first of all, he’s too exhausted to see anyone right now. Not after what we just _did_.” Adam lied between his teeth but the look on Dean’s face made it all worthwhile. **

**“D-Did you just- did you…” Dean stammered.**

**“Yep. I believe he’s out-cold. Poor guy, spent the start of the night telling me about you and his relationship. He said that it was the most difficult thing that he had to go through, and that he’s glad that it’s over. You really put him through a lot you know?” Adam pointed out as devastation deepened on Dean’s expression.**

**“I can understand as to why you want him though.” A pleased sound was heard from Adam’s lips. “Michael is an extraordinary person, not quite like any other.” With only a few words, Dean’s imagination ran wild. Delirious with jealousy and regret.**

**“He can’t- he can’t possibly…” Dean stuttered.**

**“Can’t possibly what?” Adam asked. “Move on? Oh please Dean, don’t kid yourself. After all, you were the one who said that it was over between you two. So why should he stick around for someone who doesn’t want him-,”**

**“But he can’t!” Dean cried out. “He loves me. We love each other. We always fight but we always find a way to fix things! We always do!” Dean shivered even though the temperature had not dropped yet. However, the storm clouds were starting to roll in despite what the weather man reported today.**

**“Not this time.” Adam disagreed. “You see this is the problem with you Dean, you’re such a drama junkie. You never say what you truly mean and even if you meant it at the time, you just go ahead and change your mind later on. Did you honestly expect Michael to remain on stand by while you sort out whatever’s going on in that funny head of yours? Don’t be so petty.”**

**Though they were lies, Dean started to believe them as if Michael was standing right there, agreeing to the things that Adam said.**

**“Unlike you, it’s uncomplicated when he’s with me. I leave when it’s all over and call him when we feel like meeting up again. He even gave me his number.” Adam showed his phone to him and to Dean’s dismay, Michael’s number was displayed on the screen.**

**“No…no that can’t be…” Dean was on the verge of crying if it weren’t for Adam standing in front of him with a triumphant stare.**

**“Yes Dean. Believe or not, Michael’s moving on, or rather, moving back to his old ways. To a time when it wasn’t complicated and he did as he pleased, instead of being tied down to someone like you.”**

**“No-,”**

**“Yes Dean. Admit it! You’re just as much of a problem to Michael as you are to yourself!” Adam raised his voice which rendered Dean speechless. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he the image of Michael, who loved him and held him in his arms, gradually faded away.**

**“But I still love him… I didn’t mean what I said…” Dean muttered and Adam rolled his eyes.**

**“Oh please Dean, give the man a break! He’s at his wit’s end with you! Haven’t you put him through enough already? Let him go.”**

**“No.” Dean protested with his head shaking.**

**“Yes! Let him go! What will it take for you to get your head wrap around that? He’s trying to move on. And so should you. Go back to your family Dean. Forget everything that happened between you two. Forget about Michael. Otherwise, you’ll never move on and be happy. Neither will he. It’s the only way-”**

**Dean interrupted. “I would rather die! I love him! I love him so much that I can’t- this is all my fault.”**

**Even though Adam hated the man, he must admit that he admired Dean’s honesty. With false sincerity, Adam stepped closer to the other man. “Don’t make this more difficult than it already is. If you really love him, you’ll let him go. For his sake and yours. The sooner you realize that there is no future for you two, the better it will be in the long run. Give it up Winchester. Your summer’s over.”**

**With that, Dean ran away. He didn’t bother looking back at Adam, at the hotel and at Michael. He just kept on running until he was out of breath. He didn’t cry, not yet. He wiped the wetness on his cheek as he entered a liquor store. With a bottle of bourbon in hand and in a haze like state. Dean walked under the rumbling sky. The air smelt like the whiskey in his breath and rain. The bottle was nearly empty when the first droplets of rain started to pour and it was empty once Dean reached the Impala.**

**Once he turned on the engine and started driving, or tried to drive, the tears started to pour as hard as the rain pelted Baby’s windshield. Dean could barely, think, see or concentrate on the road as he replayed Adam’s words in his head.**

**_‘Forget everything that happened between you two. Forget about Michael. Otherwise, you’ll never move on and be happy. Neither will he.’_ **

**In the Impala, Dean wailed loudly. He cried as if he were a child again. A child whose candy was taken. Tears covered his cheeks as he remembered all the times that he spent with Michael. Every smile, hug and kiss. Every tender loving touch.**

**All of it flooded his thoughts like a broken dam. His senses were starting to become dull with pain to realize what he was doing. That he was driving on the other side of the road, to approaching traffic. He did not see where he was going nor spot the car turning from the bend. Only when he was directly in front of the headlights did he swerve Baby out of the way then into the bushes. If Baby kept rolling, he would have driven straight into the river but not before getting destroyed by the rocks. Instead, Dean crashed into a tree before blood started dripping from his scalp.**

**The life was meant to be drained out of him but instead, only the memories fade.**

**With every second passed, Dean forgot the very last thing that was on his mind. Every smile, hug and kiss was slowly washed away. Every tender loving touch gone as the rain kept pouring from the sky, washing all memories away.**

**This was what happened to Dean that night. Fortunately for him, the very vehicle who nearly crashed into him stopped as the driver saw the Impala dive into the woods. After one phone call, the ambulance arrived along with police officers who were too tired to think nor too enthused by working in the rain.**

**If another minute, no, another second had passed Dean might not have survived. Luckily for our prince, he lived to see another day and more tomorrows. On the other hand, he would live to forget the other prince. The prince who loved him so much to remain out of the picture, in order to keep the past three months from ever happening. From ever being remembered.**

**It was what Michael wanted from Dean at the time: to forget completely.**

**And Dean’s mind might have done that at the time but unfortunately for my son, Dean’s heart remembered everything. He may have left Michael and returned to his family, but deep in his heart he knew, he knew something was missing. Thus the years have passed and Dean struggled through a never ending battle between his heart and mind.**

**It would be a while before Dean discovers the truth behind the unsettling feeling in his chest. And it will be a while before Michael, realizes that he can only run away for so long.**

**I guess that is my fault. I’m probably the last person to talk about keeping promises or taking responsibility. Far from it.**

**Then again, I am just a bad father. I never denied it. And currently I’m a writer. Or a storyteller.**

**I did not say that I know how it will end between the two princes. Not just yet.**

**We haven’t even gotten to the best part. The part where the two princes meet again after what seemed like a lifetime. Maybe by then, they’ll realize what is truly in their hearts. And no matter how cruel the Fates have been to them, they never truly separated.**

**In their hearts, they always kept their promise to each other:**

**_‘Faithfully and lovingly; for you, Forever.’_ **

*******

**-Michael-**

In the face of imminent danger, Michael kept a steady face. It was a particular skill he mastered during his lawyering years and handling his family’s fortunes and assets. He could tell the vipers and the spiders around him. Wicked things that tried to take what did not belong to them, driven by greed and gluttony. Michael overcame them all, and with a face that never wavered. Not even in the face of the most sinister dangers.

Besides, he had some help along the way, trusted companions from all corners of the world. For his seret dilemma, companionship was scarce as Castiel was in the hands of Luke, and Lord knows what his brother was going to share. Since Gabriel was the one who took Castiel out, Michael knew that he was conspiring with Luke. Sam may not be in the picture now but he could be very well associated with Gabriel and Luke’s plans. Since Bobby promised to not lay a finger on the issue, Michael could leave him out of this ploy.

Therefore, the last person left, would be Dean.

Thankfully, Dean opened his eyes and realized that the only way to be happy was to marry and spend the rest if his life with Castiel. Castiel, who wouldn’t give up on their relationship, who wouldn’t run away- unlike him. Michael knew that he and Dean were a wrong fit, right from the start. Ever since the accident, Michael accepted this. He accepted this for a long time.

Which was why giving Dean his Father’s ring was only appropriate. It would cement Dean and Castiel’s relationship and end whatever it was that troubled the Winchester. Michael wished to quell that troublesome heart of Dean’s, the heart that possibly feels something that it shouldn’t.

Fortunately for Michael, Dean was now more than willing to cooperate with him.

Even if Luke shared the truth to Castiel, it would be all for naught if Dean proposed. Now all Dean had to do was just that. He had to propose, in front of everyone. To ensure that there was no going back.

Michael knew why he was really doing this. He’d known for a long time that all this, was to prevent the past from catching up to him. And he had been trying so hard. There was no stopping now.

He had to face this crisis with everything that he had and he would do it with a steady face.

Failure was not an option.

Upon arriving in his empty home, Michael called out to his siblings. When he received nothing but silence from the quiet walls, Michael decided to turn around toward the door. Just as he opened it, Dean had a fist up, ready to knock on the wooden surface.

“Dean!” Michael blurted out in exuberance. As fate would have it, Michael found the one person whom he needed to speak to. “You’re here…Castiel is not at home right now. He went out with Gabriel.”

“Yeah I know…he told me this morning…” Dean muttered almost in a whisper. Michael tried not to think too much on the other mans’ sullen expression. “Then what brings you here?” he asked.

“I needed to talk to you about something…” Dean asked and Michael nodded.

“Certainly. Come inside. We shall talk in the parlor.” Michael gestured his hand to let Dean inside. The other man exuded an atmosphere which Michael could not place a finger into. He ignored it to check the road to see any signs of Luke or Gabriel. There were signs of thunder clouds in the distance even though the news said that it was sunny for the rest of the day. He ignored that too as he intended to stay indoors and perhaps keep Dean inside with him. Just so he could keep the man from Luke.

When he went back inside, he gave Dean a faint smile which the other man missed as they proceeded to the parlor.

Once in the parlor, Dean sat in mother’s chair while Michael in Father’s. The coincidence made Dean’s behavior all the stranger. At least Dean was still wearing mother’s ring, that had to be a good sign. Whatever Dean needed to talk to Michael about shouldn’t be that bad.

“I’m glad you came to visit. I have been meaning to talk to you about something as well.” Michael clasped his hands together and leaned closer, almost as if he was conspiring with Dean about something.

“Yeah?” Dean asked and instinctively leaned closer as well.

“I was wondering if you could use my Father’s ring to propose to Castiel.” Michael declared which made Dean raise an eyebrow.

“You want me to use your dad’s ring?” Dean asked and Michael nodded enthusiastically.

“I believe that it is only appropriate as it matches my mother’s ring.” Michael pointed at Dean’s hand. “And you will not have to spend a cent. How does that sound?” Michael asked and Dean thought about it for a moment before nodding carefully.

“Excellent!” Michael clapped his hands in delight. Now he had one less thing to worry about. “I only need to get the ring from my brother Luke, who seems to find it humorous in tormenting me.”

“Oh?” Dean asked and Michael huffed.

“He took the ring, which our Father gave to Gabriel the night he left. Sensing that he might lose the ring, Gabriel had it locked away in our family’s treasury. For me to find out, that Luke had accessed the ring before me.” Michael admitted but Dean’s confusion had not abated.

“I’m sorry for confusing you. Once I get my hands on Luke, I will have the ring back and give it to you. Then you will be able to propose to Castiel.” Michael pointed out.

“When did he take the ring?” Dean asked and Michael answered. “Three years ago. Although I do not know why he needs it. I thought that he might’ve sold it for money, although I do not see the point as he had enough fortune to squander in a lifetime. I worry that he used it to taunt our family’s enemies, given that the ring belonged to our Father. I cannot be too sure…”

Dean nodded without saying a word and it worried Michael.

Tension filled the room and it was starting to make Michael uncomfortable. It seemed like Dean needed to say something but was being held back by something.

“Dean.” Michael grabbed the other man’s attention and Dean jumped a little. What was going through Dean’s mind? Michael wondered. “Is something wrong?”

Dean trembled a little before answering. “I dunno…I’m not sure…”

“You said you needed to talk to me about something. What is it. You can tell me. You know you can.” Michael leaned closer as if to comfort the other man.

“I was gonna ask…” Dean said lowly. “Why are you so hell-bent on marrying me and Cas…” Dean paused to swallowed thickly before continuing. “When you have feelings for me?” he asked.

Michael leaned back, away from Dean at hearing the question.

“What are you talking about? I don’t have feelings for you Dean. That’s preposterous-,”

“Yes you do.” Dean interrupted. “You care about me. You said it yourself-,”

“No Dean. I said no such thing.” Then Michael remembered the incident from months ago. “If you are referring to the time when I was drugged, rest assured, I was not in a proper state nor in any state to be saying-,”

“It’s not just that!” Dean cried out. “You said it. You said it before that. Or maybe not directly to me…” Dean looked away to wonder about something.

“I don’t understand. Dean I’m confused. Where is this coming from?” Michael asked and slightly panicking.

“At first you used to say it when I’m asleep. Sometimes when I dream, I see your face and you whisper that you love me. That you always have and always will.” Dean uttered.

Michael’s breathing stopped, as if something blocked his air pipe.

“I ignored it of course because it’s weird and I couldn’t possibly be real. But then…” Dean swallowed thickly again. “I started to hear you tell me you love me when I’m awake. Or when I’m day dreaming. Even when I’m around people, I sometimes see you appear in the crowd and tell me that you love me. That you’d never let me go. That I’d wake up and know.”

If Michael was in front of a mirror now, he would see the devastation on his face. Those words were familiar yet so vague. It was strange.

“It didn’t make sense. None of it did but then I remember, for a while now, something’s been bugging me.” Dean clutched his chest then his eyes turned to Michael. “Something inside me keeps trying gnaw its way out but I didn’t understand what it was or why…”

“What do you mean?” Michael asked and Dean cleared his throat.

“I don’t know…it’s actually one of the reasons as to why I couldn’t commit to this whole engagement thing. Don’t get me wrong, all the stuff I said to you before were part of it but now; it sorta makes sense that it didn’t made sense…”

“I don’t understand. How does this relate to you assuming that I have feelings for you? I can assure you  Dean, I do not. The feelings that you have, those delusions…they’re not real. They are just psychosomatic manifestations of your fear toward this commitment, so please, let’s stop this farce right this instance!” Michael jumped off his seat and turned his back toward Dean.

“Is that what this is? A farce?” Dean asked and Michael had to take a second before meeting the other man’s gaze again.

“It is the only explanation. You are in love with my brother. You are getting married to him. Don’t be ridiculous!” Michael cried out and Dean made a face as if his words were shards toward his heart.

“Ridiculous…who are you to talk about ridiculous? Remember what you said when we were in the Impala?”

“I don’t recall.” Michael huffed and looked at the ceiling.

“Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cakehole.” Dean bit out and Michael felt his heart drop in his chest. “I said pie-hole then you corrected me and said it was meant to be ‘cakehole’! You’ve never been in the Impala before so how would you know that?”

“That doesn’t mean anything!” Michael shouted and he hadn’t heard himself sound like that in a while. “I could’ve easily heard that from someone! From Castiel maybe-,”

“Then how about my fear of flying?” Dean interrupted and Michael shut his trap just as quickly. “I’ve never told anyone that I was scared of planes. That’s why I drove Baby everywhere and that I’d prefer that over flying to the other side of the country any day! How about that?”

“Still doesn’t mean anything. I could’ve heard it through Castiel or Sam- I must’ve heard it through them somehow.” Michael was panicking more now than ever.

“No Michael you couldn’t possibly have known that because I never told anyone. Not even Sam. No one knows my fears because I keep them a secret, unless you’re a mind reader.” Dean stared at him dead in the eye while he stated the slip ups that Michael had done thus far.

Michael wanted to say something, to correct and denounce Dean’s accusations but truth be told, he was unable to bluff his way out of this one for once.

“It doesn’t make sense, I know it doesn’t- and I’ve been killing myself trying to figure out what this is all about but I know for sure- you have feelings for me.” Dean stepped closer but Michael took a step back as years of avoiding Dean had conditioned his instincts to fall back.

“You are wrong Dean. I do not have feelings for you. That I am certain.” Michael said coldly as he concentrated all his thoughts on Castiel. On his brother who loved the man who was standing in front of him, with all his heart.

If time can help Michael bury his feelings toward the Old-Dean, then he could use Castiel to bury the ones he had right now.

“Yes you do.”

“No I don’t.”

“You do and I-,”

“ENOUGH!” Michael shouted to interrupt what Dean intended to say next. He did not wish to hear the end of that statement. He didn’t want to. His stare was steady and he made sure to look Dean in the eye when he said, “That is enough. This is the last time we talk about this. You are marrying Castiel and that’s final.”

Coldly said Michael, as if he was hurting the Dean from three years ago; all over again.

Dean’s breath hitched as tears started to form in his eyes. Michael should just walk toward the door and walk away. He could leave the man in front of him because he belonged to Castiel. The current Dean was just a friend to him, nothing more. He was being harsh for his friend’s sake.

With only a few steps, Michael gritted his teeth in anger. He was so sure, so convinced that Dean would finally drop this charade with him. It was dangerous territory and even though Michael kept a steady face, he could not ignore the agonizing sensation deep inside.

“You’re right.” Dean muttered and Michael stopped just as he opened the door. “You can’t possibly have feelings for me.”

Michael’s fingers released themselves from the handle and left the door ajar.

“You don’t- you don’t have feelings for me because you have feelings for him.” Dean said and Michael turned around to meet the other man’s gaze. Wet tears filled the Winchester’s lashes.

“You’re not in love with me, you’re in love with him. You’re in love with that man who knows that you stare deep into empty space when you’re upset.” Dean stated as he placed a hand in his pocket and took a step forward. “You love the man who knows that you prefer listening to classic rock when you’re happy and classical music when you’re sad.”

Dean took another step forward.

“That man knows that you can name many constellations and find them in the night sky. He knows a secret place deep in the woods where you can look at all the stars when the sky is clear. You know that place too, it’s a quiet place. He drove you there, to share a special moment with you, and you alone.”

Another step was taken and Michael had already forgotten that he was meant to leave.

“The guy you love; he knows that you’re not as perfect as people talk you up to be. He knows the scars.” Dean placed his hand on his abdomen where Michael knew a scar was hidden. The scar Dean got from the night Michael saved his life. “He knows how you hurt and why.” Then Dean’s fingers traced up to his heart.

“He knows this because he’s the same.” Dean stated as his fingers clutched at his chest. “He knows that he’s not perfect, that he’s insecure and sometimes he forgets that you lo-,”

“That you love him.” Dean had to pause.

Even though Michael felt that somewhere deep inside him knew what was happening, he could not bring himself to do anything but stand there and listen and face Dean. Even someone like Michael could not anticipate what was going to happen next. Dean took another step.

“You only have feelings for that man because how can you not? He loves you very much. He loves you so much that he even went to ask your brother for your father’s wedding ring-,” Dean said before pulling his hand out of his pocket to reveal a golden wedding band. The very ring that Michael had been searching for. Michael almost whined in pain at the realizing that he could only run so far-

Dean’s final step brought their faces several inches apart. Michael could feel Dean’s breath on his skin.

“Dean-,”

“That man made a promise. He swore to never be apart from you. To never be without you. He wanted-,” Dean reached for Michael’s left hand and Michael let him take it. No matter how far Michael ran, even if he ran to the ends of the World, he would always end up right here.

Right in front of Dean.

With the ring in hand, Dean took Michael’s left hand and slipped the gold ring on Michael’s ring finger. The item was warm and it glistened like he wore summer.

“He wanted to marry you.” Dean muttered as both their eyes met each other yet again.

“I think I know…I think I know who he is…he’s-,” Dean was about to speak when Michael captured his lips with his.

It felt like a lifetime since Michael’s lips felt Dean’s. Perhaps longer. This was not just the current Dean kissing him. It was also the Old-Dean. The Dean who he thought was gone forever.

That Dean came back.

He was back.

“He’s me.” Dean responded as soon as the kiss broke.

Overwhelmed with emotions, Michael could not hold himself back. When he looked into the other man’s eyes, he no longer saw indifference and the husk of the man he used to love.

At that very moment, he was looking at Dean. _His_ Dean. The Dean whom he loved with all his heart.

There was no way that Michael could keep a straight face any longer.

“Oh Dean.” Michael captured Dean’s lips again. To ensure that the Dean he was kissing was real. That it was the Dean who loved him back. From the warmth and the taste of Dean’s lips Michael knew, this was real.

His Dean was real.

He came back.

“It’s you. It’s really you.” Michael kissed Dean’s lips again but it was quicker. “You came back. You’re here.” Then he kissed Dean’s forehead before moving back to Dean’s lips.

Dean’s eyes were closed the entire time, almost elated from the feeling. “Is this real?” he asked with eyes shut.

“Yes it is.” Michael nodded, happiness surged all over his body like an internalized New Year’s fireworks show. “It’s me. Your Michael and this is real. You’re real. You’re here.” Michael added before pulling Dean to a warm embrace.

“Oh Dean. My Dean. You came back. You came back to me.” Michael chanted like a prayer to the heaven’s up above. He thanked the Lord Almighty for letting him have another chance to meet Dean. _His_ _Dean_.

His one true love.

“Oh Dean.” Michael buried his face on the crook of Dean’s neck and shoulders, breathed in the familiar scent that he so desperately wanted to smell after all these years. Then he moved his lips back to meet Dean’s, and kissed the man again just to make sure.

“I love you. I love you so much and I missed you. Oh how I have missed you.” Michael muttered as he tightened his embrace. He was probably squeezing the other man breathless but he didn’t care. He couldn’t be happier now that Dean was here.

He was back.

And he was back in Michael’s arms.

Michael kissed Dean again but this time, he felt cold at the tip of his lips.

“Dean?” Michael opened his eyes and met Dean’s which were dead with fury. A fury which instantly reminded Michael of countless nightmares over these past couple of years.

Hoping to remove the dead stare in Dean’s face, Michael tried kissing him again but Dean moved his face away.

Right at that moment, Michael preferred to relive the nightmares that he had instead of this. Nothing could compare to the fury masked on Dean’s expression.

A heavy feeling quickly replaced the happiness inside Michael’s gut. His arms and legs trembled as he slowly pulled away from Dean and stepped back. His mouth trembled and not a sound tried to escape his lips. His words wouldn’t dare come out at the sight of Dean’s glare.

“You knew.” Dean hissed as if someone pierced a thumbtack on his skin. “You knew everything- the rings, the crash, everything…” Dean held a finger up to point at Michael. The finger trembled but nonetheless tormented Michael from where he stood.

“You watched as I drove away. You let me forget everything- all of it…you let it all go- you let me go.” Dean stammered as he moved his head around, more confused than ever.

“How could you?” He asked. and Michael had to interrupt.

“I didn’t mean to-,” Michael cried out, his voice high pitched and breath hitched. “I wasn’t going to let you go. I never wanted you to go but-,”

“But what?” Dean asked with gritted teeth.

“There’s no excuse. There’s no excuse for what I did but you have to understand-,”

“Understand what?” Dean asked bitterly.

“It had to be done. At the time, it was what I believed was right.” Michael’s breath hitched before he could go on. “I was so scared. You were gone- no- you went away. You went away and I thought you were never coming back so I was scared. I was scared and did the only thing that I knew was right.”

“Which was what? Letting me go? Erasing everything that happened between us? Make it disappear?”

“Yes!” Michael agreed loudly though regret boiled under his skin.

“How can you do that?” Betrayal masked Dean’s face and Michael wished with his entire heart that it were not there. “How can you just stand idly by and watch me struggle to remember what happened and pretend that nothing ever happened between us?”

Michael tried reaching for Dean’s hand but the other man flicked him away.

“You knew everything right from the start, even when my family moved here you were- you were gonna let me marry Cas.” Dean gasped as if the news of being engaged to Castiel was as dark as sin.

“How could you?” Dean asked again and Michael tried to take his hand, only to be met with resistance.

“Dean- I’m sorry. I so sorry.”

“How could you?” Dean whined out as he struggled to push Michael away.

“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Michael leaned closer to press their lips together once more. He prayed that this kiss could be his salvation. “I love-,”

Dean’s hand went flying to his face.

A loud slap echoed bounced on the four walls of the parlor as Michael’s body froze, his head turned to the right while his left cheek burned.

“Don’t say that- don’t you dare say those words to me!” Dean cried out as tears started rolling down his face.

“Dean…” Michael’s too were filled with tears but he had to be strong. He couldn’t let go of Dean again. “I’m sorry-,”

“Shut up!” Dean shouted and threatened him by pointing a finger. “Shut up! Shut up SHUT UP!”

Then Michael’s whimpering started. “I’m sorry…”

“No you’re not!” Dean waved a hand to the side. “You have no right! You-,” Dean bit his lower lip and winced in pain.

“You left me in the dark. After all these years. You watched me struggle like a fucking idiot! Trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me, when all this time- you knew. You knew what was really going through my head- you knew better than I did. You knew why I felt the way I did-,” Dean slammed his hand on his chest, directly atop his heart. “I even found my way back to this place but you never fessed up! You just kept lying and scheming- thinking of ways to make sure that I don’t remember!”

“Dean I’m sorry!” Michael blurted out but to no avail.

“You saw me fall in love with someone else but you didn’t- you never fought for me. Fought for us. Even after everything that happened and with me coming back- you just let me end up in the arms of another man. With Cas! Your brother….my fiancé…” Dean peered down to his ring and with shaking fingers, he touched the golden surface with the tips.

“You never stopped running.” Dean flatly said and it was the perfect dagger to pierce Michael’s heart. “You kept on running away from the truth. You took my memories with you and you ran. You were hoping that I wouldn’t catch up. That I would end up with Cas and completely forget what we had. Everything. You wanted it all gone; to never exist.”

“I only did it- I only did it because you forgot. If you had not lost your memories, I was ready. I was ready to start again. To try once more and be with-,” Another hand landed on Michael’s face and this time his right cheek burned.

“Cut the crap Michael!” Dean bit out. “You wouldn’t have done that! No you wouldn’t because- of Adam…” Dean said his name. the name Michael wished he never had to hear again.

“You gave up on us. You gave up before the accident started. You gave up and that’s why you don’t want me to remember…”

“I did not sleep with Adam!” Michael quickly defended himself. “He tried coming onto me but I never reciprocated. I told him to leave and that night- you thought I slept with him but I didn’t. I swear on my life I didn’t-,”

“I don’t believe you!” Dean abruptly cut him off. “You knew that was what your sister wanted! You knew she wanted you to sleep around and dump me! She never wanted me to be with you and you cared more about what your family thought about you than my sake. Than our relationship’s sake!” Dean stomped away and Michael followed as if an invisible net dragged Michael’s feet in close proximity to the other man.

“I didn’t sleep with him. I swear on my life I didn’t Dean-,” Michael tried grabbing Dean’s attention but the other man resisted. “I didn’t- I swear on my father’s name I did not give up on you-,” Dean kept slapping his face as he tried to explain. “Believe me-,”

“NO!” Dean screamed and the thunder boomed outside.

“I don’t trust you!” Dean jabbed a finger on his chest. “I will never trust you again, not after everything you did!” Michael desperately tried calming the other man but alas to no avail. “I’m such an idiot! For years, you played me for a fool!”

“No, Dean you have to believe me-,” Michael tried to meet Dean’s gaze but the other man kept looking away.

“That night, you made it very clear as to how you feel about me. My old self was so stupid in believing that I was anything more than a summer fling! That you ever gave a damn!”

“I did and I do. I love you Dean, it’s the truth-,”

Dean retracted and placed his hands to cover his ears. “SHUT UP! NO! Enough with the LIES Michael! I’ve had ENOUGH!” Dean started to push him away as Michael tried and cried his way to another kiss. Just one more.

“I was such a fucking idiot and I hate you! I hate you so much!” Dean tried shoving the other man away but Michael persisted with all his strength. He had to.

“Dean please- please don’t say that-,”

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Dean screamed out while frantically waved his hands to the side. “Don’t ever touch me again!”

“P-Please…don’t do this-,” Michael begged some more and tried reaching for Dean’s face this time.

“Stay back! Stay where you are! I can’t even look at you right now! You disgust me! I don’t know what was going through my head when I said that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you!”

Michael bowed his head and wept. A large part of him knew this would happen. That one day, his entire past would come back to haunt him. Drag him to hell to be tortured and become the Devil’s plaything.

“I love you.” Michael desperately said. “I’ve always loved you and always will. That is the truth…”

“No it’s not! All you do is lie! All I hear are lies and I’ve had it! I will never let you use my heart again!”

“Dean don’t-,” Michael wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle before Dean started to struggle. “Don’t do this. I love you. You know I do.”

“Michael please…” Quickly, Michael got down on his knees and clutched on the fabric of Dean’s shirt.

“I beg you. I’ll do anything. Anything. Just say the word and I’ll do as I’m told. I’ll do anything for you. All you have to do is tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” Michael pleaded and if anyone else were to see him now, they’d see the pitiful creature that he’d become.

“I need you to let me go. Let me go.” Even on his knees, Dean still wouldn’t look at him.

“No, I can’t do that. Anything but that. Please Dean. I’ve been waiting for so long. I’ve been waiting, praying for this miracle so please- please forgive me. My heart belongs to you and only to you. No one else can have it. No one else will-,” Dean started walking away but Michael clung on to his knees.

“PLEASE DEAN!” Michael groaned out. “I love you. I love you so much and I’m so sorry. You’re everything to me. You’re my love and I am yours. It’s me, your Michael. I’m your Michael and you’re my Dean. Tell me that you love me. Say it. Say that you love me back.”

Dean’s expression brought out a wince. “I can’t do this…I can’t-,”

In panic, Michael shook his head frantically. “No don’t say that. I know you can say it. We always say it to each other. You’re my Dean and I am yours. We belong together. We will spend the rest of our lives together. So please just say it back!”

 _‘Never let me go’_. Was what Michael wanted to say.

“I can’t say it…” Dean paused before continuing. “And I can’t possibly be your Dean, Michael. That Dean is gone.”

Michael tightened his grip on Dean’s knee and ankle before he babbled, “No! NO! NO! I beg you! Please stay! Stay! I lost you once! I don’t want to lose you again!” He whimpered pathetically like a puppy whose owner left them at a pound.

“That Dean will never come back. I don’t think he wants to come back, ever again.” Dean stated with a dead expression.

With a few kicks and some heavy resistance, Dean managed to free himself from Michael’s grasp. Any trace of Michael’s dignity, shattered like the shape of his heart.

“Come back!” Michael wailed like a banshee, announcing the passing of a human life. But only thing that died at that moment was Michael’s heart and soul.

“COME BACK!” He shrieked as Dean slammed the door open and ran out. To add more grief to his despair, his brother, Gabriel, Luke and Castiel stood outside the door of the parlor with tears in their eyes. Dean merely brushed passed them and headed to the front door. Then Castiel followed, both men disappeared at the sound of the front door slamming shut.

 Outside the storm had ferocious lighting and mighty thunder. But the weather could not compare to the chaos inside the Novak household.

“NOOOOOOOOO!” Michael shouted and thrashed about. He kicked and screamed, pushing furniture over, damaging decorations, throwing himself at the parlor’s walls.

Gabriel and Luke tried to restrain him but to no avail. Michael went completely berserk.

And if Michael was stronger than his brothers normally, then there was no chance that Gabriel and Luke could stop his rampage. All his brothers could do was stand as far away from him as possible, until his strength was completely spent.

Only then, did everything turn black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't...I don't think I can even right now...
> 
> Did anyone notice me combining the inscriptions of both rings in this chapter?  
> Tibi in omne tempus (Dean's ring) For you Forever  
> Fide et Amor (Michael's ring) Faithfully and Lovingly
> 
> Faithfully and lovingly; for you, forever.
> 
> This idea started since Chapter 20ish and wow it's been a while.  
> I hope you are satisfied with how I executed the most awaited scene in this fic :)


	37. Chapter 37- The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tell me, why would I, Gabriel or Michael for that matter, tell our youngest and most precious baby brother that the man he is enthralled with, the man who he gazes upon with so much affection, was in fact Michael’s lover who lost his memories?
> 
> -Lucifer Novak (Chapter 37: The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must sincerely apolgize for the delay in posting a new chapter and continuing this story. I have been so busy. The second half of the year was turbulent that I was unable to keep my promises. I am truly ashamed of myself as a writer. However, now I have the time to write and the opportunity to redeem myself. 
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter. It has been in a draft for quite some time now. Since the previous chapter was posted actually. 
> 
> I hope my avid readers have not given up on me just yet.

**-Dean-**

It’s wrong. It’s so wrong.

Everything’s wrong.

As soon as he left Cas’ place, he felt the rain pelt on his skin. He ran back home while the storm tore the sky; he pushed through the front door, into his home where his parents, unaware of what just passed, started asking for what happened.

Dean ignored them, or rather, pleaded to be left alone. While he ran upstairs into his room, locked the door behind him and hid behind the bed. As far away from everyone as possible.

In the darkness, Dean cried and cried until he could not cry anymore. His parents seemed to have received the message and let him be. Or Sam spoke to them. Judging by the murmuring downstairs that sounded like Sammy and his parents, Dean knew his parents were picking up from where things left off.

From everything, up to the point Dean realized that a part of his life returned to him.

He wished then and there that it should never had returned.

Unfortunately, wishing for it was completely different to reality.

The memories flooded across his mind like water from a broken dam. It washed everything else away but the sensations of what he did, saw and felt with Michael at the time.

Through all the turmoil and grief, agony and ecstasy, smiles and laughter, there was one memory that Dean could not bring himself to resist.

The night when he thought he lost Michael for good.

To add insult to injury, Sam went upstairs to confront Dean. Only to be met with another baffling truth at the fact that he had known this whole time. That other people knew. Then it occurred to Dean, that Bobby knew, this whole time. Bobby whom he treated like a second father knew this whole time because he would’ve remembered.

At realizing this, Dean’s response was anything but short of violence and disdain.

Out of blind rage, Dean ‘s fist quickly met Sam’s face, sending his baby brother to the floor, blood in the corner of Sam’s mouth.

Sam tried to apologize. He tried his hardest amidst Dean’s blind rage. In the end, however, Sam left the room, or rather, was commanded to leave. He ran out with his tail between his legs while Dean thrashed the place.

Dean’s belongings flew everywhere and quickly met the ground as fast as he circled around the room.

All this time. Everyone’s been lying to him. Even Sammy. He didn’t know what hurt more. His own brother, or Bobby who was practically a second father to him or everyone whom he ever cared about and trusted- lied to him.

It was all so wrong.

He hated it. He hated everyone for what they did. At least that was what he felt when he stormed out of Cas’ place.

Right now, there was one person he hated more than anyone.

That person was himself.

***

**-Castiel-**

Though he hated to admit it, Castiel was furious. He was furious that everyone around him had been lying to his face this whole time. He was mad that Gabriel, Michael and even Sam kept the truth from him. Everyone, all the people who he was supposed to trust kept the truth from him just so they could protect his feelings. Castiel had never felt more insulted, annoyed and angry at so many people at once.

It may not be a popular opinion, but Castiel was strong enough to handle the truth. He truly was. He was so mad at everyone for thinking that he was this fragile and vulnerable person who would not be able to handle the harsh realities of life. Well newsflash for everyone, Castiel was an adult now, perhaps he had been for a while now but that’s not the point.

He was so mad by the fact that people didn’t see him as worthy of being strong. He could be strong if he wanted to. He would do anything to protect the weak and help those in need.

He had been doing it all his life, as far back as he could remember.

And that was what hurt the most.

Nobody trusted him enough to handle the truth.

Nobody had faith in him.

Not even Sam, who he thought was above lying to protect other people’s feelings.

That was one of the things that drew Castiel to his best friend first. He was able to be himself around Sam and not worry about the other person protecting his feelings. He could be weird and socially awkward around Sam without such nonsense. That was what he thought.

Alas, not even his best friend nor his siblings could share him the truth until it was too late.

As Castiel hugged his knees, sitting on the bed in Alfie’s guest room, he contemplated on the bitter truth discovered yesterday.

When Gabriel and Luke brought him home, they heard people talking in the parlor. He knew Michael was home but he did not expect company. As they walked closer to the parlor, the voices sounded more familiar and Castiel realized that the person in there with Michael was Dean. Castiel wanted to go inside and know what was happening, when suddenly the door opened slightly.

Castiel nearly gasped out loud when Gabriel covered his mouth. The door to the parlor was left ajar and Dean said something that petrified Castiel and his brothers from where they stood.

_‘You’re right. You can’t possibly have feelings for me.’_

As soon as Castiel heard the words, burning jealousy surged from his gut. He wanted to say something but Gabriel kept his hands on his lips, probably unable to remove them from shock. Just as he was.

 _‘You don’t- you don’t have feelings for me because you have feelings for him.’_ Castiel heard yet he did not feel relief.

_‘You’re not in love with me, you’re in love with him. You’re in love with that man who knows that you stare deep into empty space when you’re upset…You love the man who knows that you prefer listening to classic rock when you’re happy and classical music when you’re sad.’_

While Dean spoke, Castiel wondered how Dean could have possibly known all these things about Michael. Then the answer slowly occurred to Castiel.

Little by little, he could piece the puzzle together.

_‘You only have feelings for that man because how can you not? He loves you very much.’_

All this time, Castiel had been so blind.

The person from Michael’s past, the secret persona who Castiel wondered about all those months ago was none other than-

_‘He’s me.’_

Dean.

It was _Dean_ all along.

The man that Michael loved so dearly, the man who he had to let go, was none other than Castiel’s fiancé, the man Castiel wished to marry-

It was unbelievable. Castiel nearly passed out in dismay after hearing what Dean just said. Finally, Gabriel removed his hand from Castiel’s mouth and shared a guilty look with Luke.

The more Castiel listened, the more he realized how blind he had been, how much truth was kept from him.

At that moment, Castiel could only conclude that Dean had an amnesia or something because the voice that he heard inside that parlor, was not from the Dean he recognized. The voice that he heard from Dean was riddled with anguish and betrayal. The authenticity of his cries made Castiel believe that fate had been so unfair, so cruel to him and Dean.

Especially to Michael.

He stood there as he heard Michael plead and beg for mercy. He heard his brother struggling through his cries and from the furniture scratching on the floor. He watched as Dean and Michael’s shadows flickered from under the door of the parlor as if it were their very souls. Dark and covered in despair.

Castiel had to bite his lip from letting a whimper escape while he stood there listening to his brother grovel for forgiveness, hearing Dean reject Michael over and over. It was like a scene from one of the Greek tragedies that he had read only this time, he could not close the book or look away.

He remained plastered in front of the door and listened.

He had never heard Michael in such a state. Desperate and powerless. It brought Castiel no relief or ease.

And Dean’s callousness was just as difficult to hear. The person in the parlor with Michael at the time was someone that Castiel never met before. Even though he knew it was Dean, there was something about the brutality in Dean’s voice that made Castiel wonder where his fiancé’s soul went. For he refused to believe that the person who was heartlessly rejecting his brother was the same man he wanted to marry.

That person in the parlor with Michael was displaying such anger and pain that it only cemented the fact, that whatever resurfaced in Dean was not just memories. But his feelings toward Michael as well.

And that was the most painful truth of all.

Distracted by his train of thoughts, he did not even realize that the door opened with Alife’s head sticking out.

“Castiel, are you awake?” Alfie asked and entered to join Castiel in the darkness of the room.

“Yes…” Castiel said sullenly, he was both grateful yet embarrassed for being welcomed by Alfie despite everything that happened yesterday. Samandriel and his boyfriend Gadreel listened to everything he had to say and Samandriel’s family allowed Castiel to stay. They were so welcoming and kind despite Castiel’s pitiful state.

Alfie sat next to Castiel on the bed and asked how he was. Castiel modestly replied though Alfie could the truth even in the darkness. Nervously, Alfie informed Castiel why he had come. “Your brother is here to see you.”

Castiel despaired at hearing the term ‘brother’ as singular. He wondered whether it was Gabriel or Michael who had come to see him, and if he could confront them right now.

“I’m sorry Alfie, but I don’t think I’m ready to see them just yet.” Castiel replied and felt the feeling of betrayal resurfacing from his heart.

“Nonsense!” Suddenly the door slammed open and the lights went on. “You would not even see me? Don’t utter such foolishness Castiel!”

Right before Castiel, the brother he left out of the equation emerged.

“We are brothers are we not? And here I thought you dearly missed me.” Luke threw his hands to the side and presented glamorously with a bright smile on his face.

“We need to talk.” Like a flip of a coin, Luke’s expression quickly turned serious.

“Again.”

***

 

“Here we are.” Luke parked the car after driving for no longer than an hour. They passed through the city and several towns over before they reached their destination. Castiel took a deep breath and scanned the quaint neighborhood that they were in. There were several apartment blocks on their side of the road, which was close to a small grocery store they passed earlier. The area had a good mix of trees and houses. Sunlight could bathe the roads with warmth and Castiel appreciated the sound of birds chirping within the greenery.

Earlier, Luke went to Alfie’s home to pick him up, despite Castiel’s protests.

“Why should I go anywhere with you? How can I trust any of my brothers after the secrets you kept from me?” Castiel cried out and a solemn sigh left Luke.

“You don’t.” Luke answered coldly. “You see my darling brother. It is in your innate trust in others which led you to this feeling of betrayal.”

“You were lied to and kept in the dark. People whom you thought were closest to you, chose to hide some things to protect your feelings, which resulted in you feeling insulted and hurt. Nobody likes being kept in the dark Castiel. And I know we have done a great deal of injustice for underestimating you.”

“You certainly did you assbutt!” Castiel cried out then jumped off the bed. “How could you? If you knew that it was wrong to keep it from me, then why lie? Why did you not say anything and let it arrive to this?”

Luke stared him down. It was a stare which Castiel feared as far back as he could remember. When they were younger, Luke and Gabriel used to torment and make him cry. Usually he’d prank Castiel or call him names, however the scariest times were when Luke had such a piercing glare. It was as if he had a unique type of darkness in his eyes. A type that was blacker than anything Castiel had ever seen.

“Why do you think brother?” Luke asked bitingly. “Is it not for the same reason as to why you do not ask help from others or let them know that you are suffering? Tell me, why would I, Gabriel or Michael for that matter, tell our youngest and most precious baby brother that the man he is enthralled with, the man who he gazes upon with so much affection, was in fact Michael’s lover who lost his memories?” Luke took a step after ever question, until he was but a foot away from Castiel. His brother, taller than he was, towered over him menacingly.

Castiel did not answer, he merely stood there and let the guilty feeling sink in. He frowned at what Luke said for he his brother was right. He knew that his brother’s protectiveness knew no bounds, which was where he got it from.

“Come here.” Luke pulled Castiel in for a warm embrace. While shock filled Castiel’s expression, Luke murmured into his ear.

“I am sorry for everything. Your brothers and I are truly sorry. This is not what we wanted for you.” Luke’s hand gently patted Castiel’s back. “We wanted you to be happy. We wanted you to be free. Ever since you were little, we knew you were a special boy Castiel. Special in a very good way might I add. Your uniqueness mixed with overwhelming kindness to those who are weaker, justify our awe toward you. Every day, we loved you more despite how poorly we express it.” Luke’s words somehow quenched the ache and anger in Castiel’s heart. For the first time in his life, Castiel could feel Luke’s words come from his very heart. A place where Castiel rarely felt with warmth.

Such warmth brought tears to Castiel’s eyes.

“However, it was just so unfortunate, that this time around…you had to fall in love with the very man that Michael gave his heart to. To the man who the Fates and our sister unjustly took from him.” The last part grabbed Castiel’s attention.

“Our sister…” he pulled from Luke’s embrace. “You said she thwarted Michael’s relationship before. You said she was envious of what he had.”

“Yes.” Luke nodded understandingly. “And that man was Dean. She hated their relationship so much that she tore them apart in the most horrible way.”

Castiel thought about it for a moment and let Luke’s words sink in.

“Castiel…” Luke called for him. “I know it might be difficult to grasp now and I am sure you will not be forgiving us, your brothers, any time soon however, I must ask you to forgive Michael at least.”

Suddenly, Castiel’s train of thoughts snapped.

“Michael- he has been through so much. Everything that happened since Dean lost his memories, all the lying and scheming may have been his fault however, do not hate him for trying to look after your interest.”

“Interest?” Castiel repeated bitterly. “You think this is what I want?”

“No.” Luke shook his head apologetically. “Allow me to rephrase that: Michael only wished for you to be happy, even if it costed him his own happiness.”

The last part certainly made Castiel feel as if something inside him twisted. They both stood in front of each other in silence while heavy guilt hung in the room.

“Well, I am not happy.” Castiel spoke up. “I cannot be happy knowing that the reason why Dean is in my life right now, the reason why he has feelings for me…” Castiel bit his lower lip for a moment as he struggled to express the terrible feeling in his chest. “Was because he forgot what he felt for Michael, or what was left of it…”

There it was, he said it.

Ever since yesterday, Castiel could not bring it in himself to admit. Despite how much he loved Dean, he knew there was something amiss, something wrong that needed fixing. Finally, he knew what it was.

He was just unprepared to face the consequences.

“So, what are you going to do now?” Luke asked and Castiel raised him an eyebrow.

“Now that you know everything, the truth, what do you wish to do? Shall you see Michael or Dean first?” Luke asked and Castiel thought carefully, a pensive expression covering his face.

“Neither.” He replied and Luke was about to protest when he cut him off. “I shall someone else first.” Castiel added which made Luke’s mouth form an ‘o’ shape.

“Someone else?” Luke asked and Castiel nodded. “Who?”

“I do not know the entire truth just yet…so before I face either Dean or Michael or both…I must see someone else first.” Castiel explained and confusion intensified in Luke’s expression.

“Our sister.” Castiel answered coldly. “I need to see Anna first. Take me to her. You said you know where she is, so you will take me. This, you owe me at least.”

Was what he said which led them here. To the very neighborhood where Luke said Anna lived. The drive was not only short but neither one of the brothers said a word since they left Alfie’s place.

“All this time…” Castiel removed his gaze from the neighborhood. His hands were on his lap and they began to curl into fists. Tears welled in his eyes but Castiel refused to let them drop. “…Anna lived so close to our home.”

“She hid herself pretty well if you ask me. Even with all our efforts, we still couldn’t find her…”

The car was silent again, Castiel’s fists trembled on his lap and he bit his lower lip.

“I’m not going to cry.” Castiel grumbled to himself, his anger started resurfacing yet again.

“I dearly hope not.” Luke answered, throwing his hands to the back of his head. “Last time Anna found out that I made you cry; she gave me an earful. That sister of ours…she was always trying to be as uptight as Michael, I think it made her feel powerful.”

Castiel snapped his brother a glare at the insult but Luke did not give him a chance to express it. “But when it came to you, I really believe that she cared for you. Despite all the lies she made.”

“You are not without sin brother.” Castiel lectured but Luke shrugged it off.

“That I may be, but at least I never wish to truly harm my siblings.” Just like before, Luke turned to Castiel with seriousness in his expression.  “Know this Castiel, I have not forgiven our sister for what she did to Michael. I do not think I ever will.”

Castiel nodded in approval but remained in his seat as a frown formed on his face. “Our sister, she really did all those things to Michael…” it wasn’t a question but he felt the need to mention it.

“As I said before, she has a darkness within her. Do not get me wrong, I understand it, I am aware of such evil in people’s hearts as I am, I should say, the prince of all evil.” Luke grinned menacingly before letting out a villainous laugh, loud enough to scare Castiel in his seat. Then he stopped. “However, I would be so cruel to those I hold dear. Not to my siblings at least.”

Luke’s personality quickly shifted to a serious one. “Unlike our sister, I know where to draw the line.” Then Luke carded his fingers through his scalp. “Or perhaps I don’t either…” he chuckled about something but Castiel was afraid to ask what it was.

“Anyway, she lives in this neighborhood. I know you’re made that we kept her whereabouts for so long but I’ll have you know; we did not discover her location until recently.”

“We?” Castiel asked then Luke gave him a knowing look. “Oh…I guess, Dean wasn’t the only thing Gabriel and Michael kept in the dark…”

“We were going to tell you.” Luke turned his eyes to the road. “We just had some setbacks…” he said then Castiel raised him a questioning brow.

“What setbacks?” he asked but Luke just grinned at him.

“That’s one of the things I love about you baby brother. You always questioned even though the answer is not yours to hear. Father would’ve disliked you growing up. He never liked that rebellious side of me. Always questioning his orders unlike Michael who seemed to get off at doing what he’s told.” Luke sniggered although Castiel did not find it funny. “Another thing I also love about you is your sense of righteousness. You know who the bullies are and you’re not afraid to stand up to them. Even if it means taking a beating here and there.”

“But you and Gabriel were just like those bullies.” Castiel narrowed his eyes.

“And so was our sister.” Luke gave a devilish smile and Castiel went silent. “I know it is hard to believe that your darling sister, the girl who was the closest reminder to you as mother, was not above making your brother suffer.”

Then Luke leaned in, his face almost as close to Castiel’s. “Listen closely Castiel, you must remember that the person who you are about to meet resembles the sister you love so much yet is also the very person who drove Dean and Michael to separation. She **celebrated** when Dean was in the brink of death and was **disappointed** that _only_ his memories were lost.”

“No, that can’t be right…” Castiel shook his head in disbelief but Luke scoffed at him. “It is the truth Castiel and I would not be surprised if she tells you. In fact, she might even gloat about it!” Luke raised his voice, causing him to jump on his seat. “I need you to know that there is another side to your sister’s soul. I am sure she will hide it in your presence, just as she did before.”

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked.

“Did you not notice the strangeness in Michael’s behavior back then? On how paranoid and anxious he was about something but would not tell?”

Castiel thought about it for a moment. He dwelled into his memories and reached somewhere deep, toward the time before his sister left them.

All he remembered was his sister’s sweet embrace while Michael frowned constantly. At times, he thought his brother in the verge of tears but acted against it. Anna always had her arms wrapped from behind, she did this while speaking to Michael sometimes. And Castiel never saw her face. He usually had his back turned toward Anna, or she at his side but never really looked at her. He never saw the darkness that Luke spoke of.

“Of course, you did not. From the look on your face, I assume that you have no idea what I’m talking about.” Luke sighed disappointingly.

“I am trying. I am yet to make sense of everything that had happened.” Castiel defended. “You all kept things from me. And I-,”

Guilt began to bubble in Castiel’s conscience yet again. “I wish I had known.”

Luke did not say anything back, not until a moment passed. “And that is why you asked me to take you here. To understand and do better. We your siblings failed at that.”

His brother sounded almost guilty, an expression that Castiel rarely saw in him.

“I do not know what she will say or what will happen. I only fear that she will ensnare you with lies for she will certainly try to turn you against me. Against the rest of us. But know that the life she has right now, was all because of what she did. I may be the devil, dear brother, but Anna is not the saint she claims she is. Those who play God are more dangerous than those who dance with the devil.” Luke hissed with his teeth gritting. “I am not going to tell you what to say or not say to Anna, and I will not manipulate you as she definitely will. However, I need you to remember what I said in the restaurant, about you owing no one anything. You do not owe me your **trust** nor does your sister, though she will ask for it. I know she will.”

Luke leaned back but held his piercing gaze steadily. “Whether you will give it to her or not is completely up to you. But you must know that she is not above using underhanded methods to get what she wants. She has tried it before.”

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked but Luke stopped for a moment to stare at the neighborhood.

“When you see her, she will try her best to put the blame on me and Michael. She believed that if Michael kept his secret from you and Gabriel, she could have leverage over him. Over us. But it was foolish of me to not stop her sooner. It wasn’t until her actions drove Dean to the accident, before I intervened.” Luke stopped to wipe his forehead. “Listen to me Castiel: I know that we your brothers have used you as an excuse to hide secrets and to protect ourselves, but know that Anna did the same. I want you to go in there but as someone who will not allow himself to be used ever again. Do you understand me?”

Castiel did not answer but he nodded.

“Good.” Luke gave him another villainous smile. “Now.” He unlocked the car and sighed deeply. “I think your reunion is long overdue. She is in that apartment building over there.” Luke pointed at the one with red bricked walls. “Room number six.”

“You are not coming?” Castiel asked although he had an idea of Luke’s answer.

“I think her apartment can only handle the lesser of two evils…” Lucifer gave a small nod toward the other side of the road where Castiel saw her.

His sister Anna walked out from one of the apartment to check her mailbox. She brought a key to unlock it and took its contents with her back inside.

She was just as Castiel remembered her. Beautiful with wavy red hair. Castiel almost called out if it weren’t for the fact that he was in his brother’s car and there would be no point.

“I will wait here.” Luke looked down on his steering wheel. “I can do without her presence, if I wanted to see her, I would have visited her long ago.” Then he turned to Castiel. “Spare me the burden of making pleasantries with Anna, though I doubt that will be the case. It was you who wanted to see her, so go. If you could take accountability for coming here, that would be great.” He said as Castiel exited the car.

“Castiel.” Luke called out right before Castiel closed the door. “Hopefully your encounter will give you the answers you are searching for.”

Was what he said before Castiel left the car and walked across the road. As he stood in his sister’s doorstep, Castiel felt his heart beat rapidly and butterflies flutter in his stomach. This was his sister, this was Anna. She was the closest to a mother to Castiel, and a friend. Therefore, all the things she did to Michael was difficult to stomach. The kind and caring sister that he knew couldn’t have possibly do all those things, yet recent events had taught Castiel something.

With determination, he sought to learn more, and more he was yet to take.

“Who’s there?” Castiel was just about to knock on the door when heard someone’s voice from the other side of the door which sounded like Anna’s. Oh how he had missed the sound of her sweet voice, the voice who tucked him to bed at night.

 “I-,” Castiel stammered to get the words out. “I am looking for Anna Novak who I believe lives in this apartment.” There was a peep hole on the door and he wondered if his sister was looking at him through there.

Suddenly he heard the scratching sounds of locks opening from the other side of the door before it quickly opened.

Expectedly, it was Anna who stood before Castiel. She had red wavy hair and walnut brown eyes as he remembered, and a shocked expression covered her face before she uttered, “Castiel, it really is you.” She then pulled Castiel into a warm embrace, a sensation which he thought was never to be felt again.

“My sister.” Castiel felt like he was about to cry but he stopped himself. He was not about spoil this occasion by wetting his cheeks.

“You found me! Oh, my sweet brother you found me! I knew I was being watched. I’ve known for a while! And I had a feeling that it wouldn’t be too long before I meet someone from the family! And I thank the Almighty that it was you!” Anna tightened her hug and so did Castiel.

“Yes, I found you, sister. Finally…” he said to her then heard sniffling.

“I promised myself that I wasn’t going to cry but I can’t.” Anna broke their hug to place her hands on his cheeks. “How did you come about finding me?”

Castiel was about to admit that it was because of Luke however remembered that his brother did not wish to see her. Mentioning him now would ruin that.

“I have my sources.” Castiel replied just as something that his brothers would say. “Granted, it was not easy. If I had known you lived so close, I would have visited sooner.” It was a half-lie but Luke’s words seemed to influence his conscience.

_‘You do not owe me your trust nor does your sister, though she will ask for it. I know she will.’_

“Do your brothers know you are here? Does Michael?” Anna asked with emphasis on Michael’s name. She looked outside and there was a hint of anxiety in her eyes that she tried to hide.

“No.” Castiel replied after he remembered Luke’s words. _‘If you could take accountability for coming here, that would be great.’_

Anna smiled gleefully and asked no further questions before she welcomed him into her apartment. To describe the place with one word, it would be humble. Anna’s apartment was clean and tidy, with numerous framed pictures of plants and animals across the walls leading up to the living room, which was directly linked to the kitchen but divided by a counter with chairs along it.

And as expected, Castiel perceived the multitude of bookshelves neatly organized around the apartment. If there was one thing that he remembered about his sister the most, it was her love for books and stories. Often, Anna would listen to the stories that Gabriel shared. It was the one thing they had in common and agreed upon, though they would never admit it.

Anna offered to make tea and gestured Castiel to sit on the couch which faced the small television, which was quite a new model judging by its design, located in the other side of the room. On the stand, there were two picture frames of Castiel, when he younger, and their mother.

Castiel pushed the feeling of longing which attempted to surge in his chest.

While the water boiled, Anna gave him gentle glances and smiles. She did not say anything neither did he. There was a mixture of tension and tranquillity in the room and their silence stirred it. Several times did Anna and Castiel tried to say something but they seem to do it at the same time, so neither one of them could ever start anything. In the end, they silently agreed to wait until the tea was ready to serve. Black for him and peppermint for Anna, just as he remembered.

“It really is a pleasant surprise that you found me, brother.” Anna started after taking the first sip while Castiel just looked at his and said nothing. Not until a short moment passed did a word leave his lips.

“You seem well, Anna.” Castiel carefully chose to use his sister’s name instead of ‘sister’.

“Yes, it seems so.” There was a slight drop in Anna’s tone but he did make any of it. She took another sip of tea before setting it on the table.

“Oh, how I have missed you brother.” Anna continued and he made sure to remember the warm expression on her face. “It has been too long since I’ve seen your face. And my how you’ve grown!” She said with immense exuberance. “You were but in the early stages of puberty since I last saw you, but look at you now! You have grown into a fine and handsome young man; an adult! I am pleased that you have been taking care of yourself.”

Castiel nodded with a fond smile but then it slowly faded as he remembered the day after his sister left. And the days after.

“You went away.” He muttered lowly, causing Anna’s smile to fade as well. “You left without saying good-bye.”

“I’m sorry.” Anna bowed her head and placed her hands on her lap. “I’m so sorry Castiel. I never meant to hurt you by leaving. It must have been tough.”

“You have no idea.” Castiel narrowed his eyes as his feelings re-emerged. Feelings that were long buried in his heart; of betrayal and anger. “You knew what we went through when Father left. You knew how much it hurt yet you-,”

Castiel bit his lip then looked away. He could not stand to look at his sister while the memories rushed in like a flood from a broken dam. All sense of composure was drowned in an instant.

“I know leaving you like that was wrong. I didn’t want to leave. Believe me it was not in my best interest however I had to…it had to be done.” Anna muttered guiltily but Castiel waited for a moment before turning to her to ask, “Why? What reason can you possibly have in turning your back on family? To those you love and love you in return?”

Anna seemed small compared to him. Her hands curled into fists on her lap and her expression turning dark.

“Because…” Anna’s body trembled before him, and guilt tried to claw its way into Castiel’s heart however he wouldn’t allow it. Not when the feeling of betrayal barricaded around it.

“I-I left you because…” Anna stuttered and she dared not look at Castiel in the eye. “I cannot say.”

“Why not?” Castiel cried out loudly.

“Because I just can’t!” Anna cried back with watery eyes.

Castiel closed his eyes in disbelief before quickly standing up, determination to leave surged in his veins.

“Castiel wait!” Anna cried out and he stopped, dead on his tracks. “Please don’t go. Brother please…” Castiel could not see her but he knew there were tears on her face. He could feel her breath hitch and gradually extinguish the fire inside him.

“I came here...” Castiel slowly turned his heels to face his sister. “To find some answers.” He gave a cold hard stare, that he learned from Michael, on his trembling sister. “To find some answers, some truth.”

He swallowed thickly with fists tightly clenched on his sides. “If you cannot give them to me, then I shall leave.”

“Don’t-,” Anna cried out again. “I will tell you. I shall tell you everything just please don’t go. I have been waiting for this day to come, to the day you find me so please, stay seated and I shall tell you everything.”

Castiel knew it was underhanded but given his experience over the past couple of days, he no longer had the patience toward people keeping secrets from him.

“Very well.” Castiel nodded then returned to his seat, so did Anna. First she dried her cheeks before wiping her hands on her pants.

“I left our home…I left you because this was what our brother Michael wanted.” Anna answered and Castiel raised an eyebrow at her.

“I don’t understand; Michael would never want such a thing…” Castiel muttered under his breath as his sister frightened him.

“Allow me to explain!” Anna hissed. “Before I was banished, our brother indulged in a double life filled with madness and debauchery. Do you recall that summer, before I left, when Michael was never home?”

Castiel nodded.

“Well, Michael might not want you to know this but during that time, our brother, put the needs of others before our own. The very cheek of him! Our family was in the verge of collapse yet he indulged himself by sleeping around with anyone willing!” Anna shouted then slammed her hand on the table again. “When I discovered this, I was shocked and disgusted. How dare he? You were barely seven months when our mother passed away and our Father was as worthless as can be! When he left, we became orphans! We had to take care of ourselves when no one would- we only had each other and you know what your brother did? He decided to be selfish!”

“That cannot be!” Castiel had to interject as it pained him to listen. Michael admitted this already and Castiel understood. “Michael did not neglect us. Though he was not around as much, he never once made me feel neglected. He would never abandon us.”

“Oh, but he was about to. He fell in love!” Anna scolded then Castiel grimaced at her.

“You say that as if it is a bad thing.”

Anna scoffed at him. “Because it is! You know what such emotions do to the members of our family! You saw it first hand with our Father- he grew weak and vulnerable because he gave his entire being to another. If he loved our mother so much, why did he bother sticking around when she left?”

“Because he is our Father, Anna! No matter what, we are his family. He tried to raise us to the best of his ability.”

Castiel frowned at that, he was not accustomed to fighting with his sister for they never disagreed on anything. She was always righteous in his eyes and so was Michael.

Anna snickered condescendingly. “Tried. Failed. How about Gabriel? You remember how he was used by that cheap whore! It was what nearly broke our family apart! That’s what love does to our family Castiel. It turns the men into failures and buries the women six-feet under! I am not going to sit around and allow such base desires consume me!”

She stopped when she noticed that Castiel’s fists trembled on his lap. He could barely believe that he was hearing this. “I am sorry for the bluntness but I am just saying it how it is. It is a ruthless world out there Castiel. Romantic love corrupts people, it renders them weak and vulnerable. Only power can prevail. Only through power can one find security. If you use your head instead of your heart, you will find happiness.”

“Sister, you cannot possibly believe that.”

“I do, Castiel. But unfortunately, our brother does not.” Anna slid next to him. “When I tried showing him the light- when I tried refocusing his heart toward us, his family; he shunned me. He cast me out of our paradise, away from you.” Anna’s hand gently stroked Castiel’s back.

“He can’t-,” Castiel stammered. “Why? What did you do to earn such judgement? Our brother may be ruthless at times but he still loves us no matter what-,”

“Look at this place!” she ordered and pointed around the room. “Tell me, how could someone born and raised from a prestigious and elite family such as ours, be reduced to live in a place like this!”  Her hand slammed the mantle of the table, causing their teas to spill over.

“All this is your brother’s doing Castiel! He stripped me of everything that was entitled to me! My share of our parents’ inheritance was taken from me! He took it all!” she stood from her seat and gritted his teeth.

“I am sorry Castiel…I didn’t mean to raise my voice.” Anna’s voice lowered. She sat back down next to Castiel and slid to his side. Though he could feel her breath attempting to sooth him on his neck, he remained tense.

“Tell me sister.” Castiel narrowed his eyes as he prepared to look at her. “What did you do to Michael?”

When he looked at her eyes, he saw fear and it was deep.

“I-I…” Anna turned away with callousness in her expression. She remained silent which worsened Castiel’s discomfort.

“You said you would tell me the truth.”

“And I shall.” Anna firmly stated then sighed. She took a deep breath before continuing. “Back then, I did what any loving sibling would do…”

Castiel tilted his head then turned to her.

“I loved our brother. He was a great man. He was very smart, powerful and capable of anything. But as soon as he started listening to his heart, he became a mess. He was reduced to a love-struck fool ever since he was ensnared by some nobody.” Anna explained and Castiel immediately realized who she was referring to. He clenched his jaw and his fists as the word ‘ _nobody’_ sunk into his gut like bile.

“He could’ve been something. He could’ve made our family great and proud but instead, he chose the path of self-destruction. A path created by following your heart, Castiel. As I said before, that is what it does to you.”

Castiel could not believe what he was hearing. All the things that Luke said about Anna’s jealousy and hate toward love was…was true.

“Oh, I was happy that it ended. Fate curses those who stray from their path. If Michael had just followed his, then he would not have been involved with such a mess.” Anna shook her head and flicked her hair sassily. “When it got too serious, Michael’s love life crashed and burned, as I predicted. Although I must take credit for some of the result.”

 “Michael might’ve been emotionally unstable at the time but he was nothing compared to that guy. I don’t know what Michael saw in him.” Anna snorted and even let out a small laugh which only made Castiel grimace at her even more.

“I lit the path for our wayward brother. I set the course and for him, kept it true. Now that I think of it, Michael’s boyfriend could’ve used some road guidance.”

This time Anna cackled loudly and the sound bounced all over the walls. “Right after another huge break-up, which by the way they do all the freaking time-,” Anna groaned in frustration. “The fool got himself rip-roaring drunk and drove his precious classic car to the trees, giving himself amnesia!”

Anna laughed maniacally. “And the funny thing was- the person who caused that break up was none other than I.” Anna proudly declared and pointed both fingers at herself. There was a glint of victory and pride in Anna’s eyes as she gloated her story to Luke, who merely stared at her disapprovingly.

“I set things up so that Michael pushed the other guy away. And to make sure it’s kept that way: I used some nobody to seduce our whore brother! It would’ve been successful if Michael had not been so stubborn but somehow it worked! With just a simple lie, I convinced Michael’s boyfriend that it was completely over between them. I saved our family Castiel!” She gripped Castiel’s forearms in delight. “I reclaimed our brother from that train wreck of a relationship but what’s the thanks I get?” She tilted her head inquiringly.

“He had our Devil of a brother banish me. Then Michael took what is rightfully mine and left me to fend for myself. He abandoned me Castiel. He left me for dead, all because I tried to protect him from himself. Protect him from his heart.”

Castiel wanted her to let go of him. Her touch no longer reminded him of happier times.

“Perhaps you can understand where I am coming from.” She whispered. “Perhaps with your help, we can prove our brother wrong.”

Castiel turned his head toward her, to his dismay, there was a villainous grin on her face.

“What are you saying?” Castiel asked his sister.

“All I’m saying is, together we can bring our brother to Justice. For all the things, he did to me. For stripping me of power and grace, of what is rightfully mine.” Anna pointed at her chest. “Since you have come to age, you have every right to have a say on how this family is managed. If we use our resources appropriately, we can administer judgement on Michael, for his crimes to me and this family. Strip him of title and seat, save our family from his tyranny!”

Unable to quickly answer, Castiel gawked at his sister’s malicious intent. “Anna, we can’t- what you are saying is wrong. Michael is not a tyrant; he cares for us. All of us, you, me, Gabriel, Luke-,”

“Don’t be so naïve Castiel!” Anna interrupted him. “Luke is the devil. He is bound by Michael’s puppet strings, and as vile as him. Years ago, he knew that our brother was wrong yet he took his side over mine! Do not trust him! He has a forked tongue!” She hissed and he sort of expected that this what she was going to say. “As for Gabriel, he might need some persuasion but if he still hates Luke as he did before, he might join us.”

“How can you such things about our brothers? They care for us. They do not wish us harm-,”

“Yes, they do!” Anna interjected again. “Are you still not convinced of what they can do, even after you have come here? Everything that happened to me, up until now was because of Michael’s tyranny! You must help me end it! It is the only way!”

“No, it is not. Sister, we cannot do this.” Castiel pleaded desperately. It pained Castiel to admit but Luke was right.

“Don’t be stubborn Castiel- I am your sister, only I know what is right for you. You came here to claim the truth well here it is- Michael and Luke are not to be trusted. We must stop at nothing til we see them burn for the crimes they committed against me, your loving sister!” Anna raised her voice and upon realizing it, leaned closer to Castiel’s space. “Please brother, join me. Rejoice in the light of our reunion. Let us reclaim the paradise which is rightfully ours!”

Castiel shook his head again. This time he was unable to speak.

“I warn you Castiel, do not go back to them. Take what is yours and help me. They will betray you as they betrayed me. They cannot tolerate insubordination; thus, the consequences are severe. Together, we can show them the error of their ways, prove to them that listening to your heart is but a death-wish. I loved our brother Michael dearly but I cannot bear to let his ingratitude go unpunished. If I had not intervened, he would have been reduced to nothing but the puppet of that accursed low-life- Dean Winchester!”

Castiel’s eye blew wide open as he stared at who he thought was his loving sister. All compassionate and graceful in mind and soul.

“I think not, darling sister.” They both heard a voice toward the entrance to Anna’s apartment. From the corner, Luke emerged with his arms crossed and a devilish smirk on his face.

“Hello Anael, it has been so long since I last saw you. By the looks of it, not much has changed, you still think too much in that funny head of yours, and still spouting nonsense out of that mouth of yours.” Luke condescendingly darted a look at Anna who quickly jumped up from the couch.

“Lucifer, you serpent! What are you doing here?” Anna hissed then stood in front of him, and by memory, an instinctive stance.

“If I am a serpent then you are a viper sister. Pot-kettle black, as they say.”

Castiel stood up to try and pacify his siblings. “Brother-,” Anna turned to him with fires of fury in her eyes.

“I knew it was too good to be true that Castiel found me.” She said then turned toward Luke again. “You sent him to me. Send in a sacrificial lamb before swooping in for the kill. Is that it?” Anna titled her head questioningly.

“Au contraire sister, it was Castiel who wanted to meet with you, not I. He came here in his own accord. I merely drove the car.” Luke replied with a triumphant huff then turned to Castiel. “Tell me Castiel, did our sister meet your expectations?”

Anna turned to Castiel slowly, there was a darkness in her eyes which pierced into Castiel’s very core. “Castiel…what is the meaning of this? Answer me!”

Castiel froze as he stared at his sister like a deer in front of headlights. He looked at her and tried to find a shred of that girl who held him when he wept and kept him warm on days when the cold seemed eternal. At that moment, Castiel could not find that sister of his. There was such deep contempt in Anna’s eyes that it chained to her soul. Castiel would see it so vividly and for the first time in his life, he was afraid of Anna.

“Sister, did you do it?” Castiel asked ignoring all pretenses.

“Do what? You are yet to answer me first Castiel. Tell me.” Anna glanced at Luke quickly before returning her eyes toward Castiel. “Did you come here with him?” She pointed at Luke.

Castiel followed Anna’s hand and shared a look with his brother. Luke just stared at him with heavy determination.

“I did.” Castiel answered firmly and Anna gasped. The color left her face.

“How could you?” Anna’s fingers almost covered her mouth.

“I had to.” Castiel’s jaw clenched and fists tightly curled to his sides. “I had to know…” He looked up to find a sign of guilt in his sister’s eyes. so far, all she could do was stare at empty space in shock.

Castiel took several steps forward, closer to his sister’s space since she would not look at him.

“Anna I just- I just wanted to know…why you left.” Castiel muttered but Anna still wouldn’t look at him. He gave Luke a knowing look but his brother did not say anything. They both look at his sister as if she was in the verge of a meltdown, her arms crossed and her cheeks pale as the moon.

“I did not know how much you hate. How you hated...” Castiel continued, his voice shook in fear. “Growing up, you were always there for me. You were the one who taught me how to find the good in people’s hearts. To trust others and to nurture those who do not have the advantages that we have. Sister…”

Anna still wouldn’t look at him and he feared that she might never again.

“I don’t believe that what you did was right. What you did to Michael…” Castiel had to look down as the image of Dean’s face appeared before him. “However, what happened to you after was not right. You didn’t have to- you didn’t have to leave…”

Castiel gave Luke another look before continuing. “I know you and Michael had differences. He may not have been perfect for us but he still tries. I know he does. And if you apologize, I’m sure he will-,”

The words quickly stopped when Anna finally moved from her frozen stature.

“That’s not possible.” She snorted then Castiel noticed that Luke threw him a look.

“Why-,”

“You can’t be serious Castiel. Apologize? To him? You have got to be kidding me.” Anna snickered condescendingly. “Haven’t you been listen to a word I said? Michael’s the one to blame. He’s the source of everything that’s wrong with our family. Why would I apologize to the likes of him? He should be the one to get on his knees and beg for making me live in squalor all these years.”

Luke interjected, “It’s not even- you can afford more than most of the population-,”

“Shut your mouth.” Anna snapped at Luke. “I didn’t ask for your opinion you devil! So, keep your mouth shut.”

Luke just glared at her but said nothing then Anna turned to Castiel with more contempt than ever before.

“Sister-,” Castiel cried out in anguish but his sister seemed unfazed.

“No Castiel, I will not apologize to Michael. What I want to do to him is far from it. I want him to crash and burn. I want him to pay for everything he’s done to me and more.” Anna raised a fist and it shook furiously. “I had such hope that our reunion would bring you back to me but alas, you let that snake turn you against me.” She accusingly pointed at Luke.

“No, he did not!” Castiel cried out. “Do you not bear any guilt from what you did? Someone was hurt. Lives could’ve been lost!” All the while, Castiel saw the Dean in his thoughts. The possibility of losing the man he loved with all his heart was too much to bear.

“Oh, if only!” Anna groaned. “If only that fool killed himself, I wouldn’t be in this mess. It’s because of him that your brother over there-,” Anna pointed at Luke. “Was able to take everything from me! It was bad enough that Dean Winchester took our brother away but he took everything from me! It’s because of him that my life is like this! It’s because of him that I’m miserable!” Anna cried out, actual tears filling her eyes.

“That bastard took everything from me! He drove to the sunset scot -free while I suffered! He may be gone but it’s not enough. Wherever he may be, I wish he never remembers. I hope he never comes back. More than anything- I wish he was dead!” She screamed and that was all Castiel could take.

“How could you?” Castiel shouted back, earning a startled expression from Anna. “How could you say such things? You-,”

He swallowed thickly and thought about what he was about to say. “You’re a monster.” He said and it sounded like a mute.

“What was that?” Anna bit out.

“You’re a monster!” Castiel said louder and he didn’t miss the way Anna’s expression shifted into the very words he used.

“How dare you?” She scolded. “I am your sister! How dare you speak like that to the ones who came before you?”

“I’m old enough to know that what you did was wrong. Unlike you! That’s what makes you a monster!” Castiel retorted, shutting Anna up completely before heading to the door. Out of the apartment. And out of Anna’s life.

Despite the overwhelming revelation, Castiel finally realized that his dearest sibling, the sister whom he loved dearly was now but a memory. Cold and still.

And now the only thing to do was make things right.

How he would go about it? He did not know just yet.

For now, he knew he had to look forward and see-

Michael and Dean.

 

**-Dean-**

Dean’s sultry mood did not abate for a while. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get rid of the bitter taste of betrayal from his heart.

His room felt like a completely different place to what it was. His bed where he slept with Cas seemed to judge his very existence. He couldn’t lay on it. The sheets felt like they belonged to a Dean who loved and cared for Cas, the Cas whom he fell in love with.

Whenever his eyes met the bed, he pictured it with someone else. The memories. They flashed before his eyes like an unending nightmare and all he wanted was for it to stop.

For months, this feeling of longing had been stuck in his chest, curdling his insides. Conversations occurred in his mind with a person who seemed unknown to him but knew him very well. Now that he knew what this feeling was, all he could feel was spite. Spite for his other self that seemed to haunt him like an age-old ghost. Overdue for the afterlife.

He seemed like someone else. Someone whose hands couldn’t stop shaking as memories of Michael rushed into his mind. The older Novak’s smile taunted his conscience until he sunk back into a state of despair. Unable to move from the floor with his back toward the bed.

Not even the sound of footsteps outside and his bedroom door opening encouraged Dean to get up from his fetal position.

“Dean?” it was Sam’s voice. Soft and compassionate. It felt warm in Dean’s ears but not enough to silence the demons inside him. His brother took a moment to scan the room before walking toward the bed. Sam’s footsteps were steady right until he sat on the edge, his feet planted behind Dean’s back.

“Dean, we gotta talk.”

Dean closed his eyes for a moment, dry tears felt uncomfortable with every movement of his skin.

“I don’t wanna talk.” Dean replied weakly.

Dean heard a sigh escape his brother and felt it slightly brush the back of his neck.

“Dean, we gotta talk about this whole Michael thing, I know everything turned to shit but shutting me and everyone out is not gonna solve anything.”

“I said I don’t wanna talk Sam! Get out before I kick your ass again!” Dean grunted but Sam did not leave the room to his dismay. Knowing Sam’s stubbornness, Dean was not going to be left alone this time.

“I’m sorry.” Sam apologized but Dean did not look up. He continued to sob as he felt the fight inside him slowly dissipate. “I’m sorry for what happened and I’m sorry for not telling you. I know it was wrong…but you need to know that we did it because we love you.”

Dean didn’t respond. He started to weep as Sam continued. “We wanted to tell you. Especially me. I wanted to tell you from the start but then I realized-,” Sam paused for a moment before continuing. “I eventually realized what was at stake should you find out what happened.”

Sam frowned the whole time which didn’t help Dean’s state.

“We thought, well especially Michael, that should you remember what happened, all of it, the result would be a disaster and not just for Michael and Cas, but to you.” Sam muttered despondently. “We had a feeling that was the case and we were right. You learned the truth whether we wanted to or not and you ended like this. So, I don’t blame you if you never forgive me for what I did but right now, I need to help you in any way I can. Because you’re my brother and Cas is my best friend. This isn’t just on Michael, this is on everyone who left you and Cas in the dark. We are the only ones to be blamed for this fuck up and dammit we’re feeling really guilty.”

With Sam’s words, the spite in Dean’s heart dampened as if ice was placed on a bruise. A giant bruise the shape of his heart.

“Out of everyone, I should take the blame for what happened. I was-,”

The memory before the car crash quickly flickered in Dean’s mind like it happened yesterday. “I was careless. I should be blamed for losing it. My memories. I shouldn’t have been so stupid. I should’ve-,”

Then the image of Michael’s smile occurred again.

“I should’ve thought things through.” Dean admitted while he set his pride aside. Though Sam tried to protest by taking the blame yet again, Dean shook his head.

“Back then, I was just so angry and didn’t think...I gave Michael everything and he just…” Dean gazed upon his brother’s eyes and saw the same guilty reflection of Michael’s face.

“Never mind.” Dean cleared his throat then bowed his head. “It’s all in the past. No point in dwelling on it.”

With an expectant look, Sam seemed like he was about to say something but Dean interrupted.

“It’s time that I stop being such a pain in the ass to you. To all of you.” A chuckle escaped Dean’s throat then he shook his head.

“But Dean-,” Sam couldn’t remain silent anymore. “If you need to say something…about anything…”

Dean raised an eyebrow at his brother who was clearing his face from tears. “About what?” he asked.

“About how you feel about Michael-,”

Quickly but gently, Dean had to cut him off there. “Like I said Sammy, it’s all in the past. I’ve got bigger things to worry about.”

Though he seemed unconvinced, Sam nodded then got up.

“You sure about this Dean?” Sam asked, his expression expected more reassurance.

Dean solemnly nodded but he didn’t look at his brother’s face. He got up as well and wiped his face with his arm. The tears were practically dry at this point.

“I need to…” Dean cleared his throat once more. “I need to speak to Cas.”

Sam didn’t respond but waited.

“Please tell me he’s alright or at least know where he is.” Dean pleaded his brother who nodded in response.

“After what happened, he was gone for a bit. Til we found out that he was at Alfie’s place.” Sam paused for a moment to look around the destroyed room.

“Then Luke found him and they went somewhere for a bit.” Sam answered.

“Where?” Dean raised an eyebrow again.

“Gabe said Luke wouldn’t tell.” Sam frowned to himself, he seemed just as hopeless as Dean was. “But they’re back now. Gabe messaged me earlier, said they’re back at their place. Michael…”

Sam stopped himself as soon as the name fell out of his lips. “We don’t have to go now you know. I can give you more time if you want.”

Dean looked around his room and saw the disaster it turned into. The disaster he turned it into.

“I think I gotta tell mom and dad what happened.” Dean’s brow creased and his fists clenched. “They oughta hear the truth from me. At least my version of it.”

Sam nodded then placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

Without another moment, Dean pulled his brother in for a warm hug. This was how they knew, they had each other again. Then again, they never truly lost each other.

Another thing that Dean didn’t want to lose was waiting for him in the Novak household. After explaining and apologizing to his parents, he intended to visit the other house as soon as possible.

For he dearly hoped that he had not lost something very precious for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might need to add more tags...


	38. Chapter 38- First Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First loves are special. They bring out something in people beyond their wildest expectations. They have the capacity to silence a form of despair unlike any other.
> 
> -Chapter 38: First Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, was a very busy week. Hope this will suffice for now.  
> This chapter is unedited so forgive me for the errors.

**-Michael-**

The last time Michael had a dream about Dean, it was wonderful. They just got back from a visit to the local aquarium and Dean wouldn’t stop imitating the face of a shark. The younger man would stick his lower jaw and cross his eyes to make fun of the fish, all the while Michael tried not to laugh. It was a good date, right after they went to grab lunch in a shopping center in another town. It was Michael’s suggestion as he didn’t want to bump into one of his siblings or at least someone he knew. Michael ordered a chicken sandwich while Dean bought a meat pie as usual.

It wasn’t until Dean squirted ketchup on his jeans and pretended as if his leg was bitten off by a shark, did Michael laughed out loud. In public, where everyone watched.

He had never laughed out loud before.

It was even more surprising to realize that he didn’t hate the feeling so much. Not as much as he thought.

It was indeed a wonderful dream of a memory. Somehow, that single moment was suspended in Michael’s dream land. It was as if that memory was a black and white photograph in a series of many that came before it.

Michael’s consciousness revisited it. Right at the very moment where Dean’s laughing face was all there was to see. Many other smiles and similar portraits of Dean scattered all around that one moment, countless moments of the same individual.

The Dean Winchester back then.

Michael cherished every moment he spent with that Dean. That much was certain.

However, the suspended memory gradually grew dim. The details lost their sharpness and the images blurred like it was being covered by dust.

Suddenly, the entire memory got covered in gray. Along with every piece of memory pertaining the Dean from back then. Michael tried reaching for it but his outstretched hand was too late.

The gray covered memories crumbled to ashes. Specks of it flew across Michael’s face which gradually ignited into flames.

Embers became flares and soon, everything was covered in flames.

As expected, breathing became difficult. Michael choked and gasped for oxygen, despite being the creator of his dream world. The flames were hot and almost real.

In the end, everything grew dark. Michael suddenly found himself resting on soft white sheets of a room very familiar to him.

It was a hospital room, four walls and a crucifix for hopeful blessings. But it wasn’t just any hospital room, it was Dean’s. Right before Michael, a memory as grim as the inevitability of death appeared before him.

Right in front of him, Dean laid in bed unconscious. Michael’s had many dreams like this before. This dream was but a memory, cold and still in his heart. Testament to how he failed to protect the one person who meant the world to him.

He would have remained still and let the dream end as it usually did, if it weren’t for the sound of a long beep by the machine connected to Dean. Panic surged, this wasn’t part of what Michael usually saw. He was about to find the panic button when the doctor and nurses stormed inside, including Tessa, and hastily checked Dean’s condition.

Their worried expressions only added to Michael’s panic. He tried to call out but none would answer, nor look at him. They were focused on reviving Dean. Electric shock.

Dean’s unconscious body remained still. Cold and expressionless, unlike all the memories of Dean before.

Michael reached out but his outstretched hand failed as it did before. He resisted the very thought of what was happening in front of him but could not seem to make it disappear. There was only panic pulsing from everyone in the room, save for the lifeless corpse of Dean and the expression on Tessa’s face.

Grim like the reaper.

Next, Michael found himself in a dark environment. The sky was gray as ash and the trees were no different. Everyone around him was dressed in black and almost every inanimate object was no shade brighter, save for the flickering flames, dancing in a furnace. Smoke belched from the tower, a wooden box beneath it, and more grim expressions than a person could count.

There were eyes looking at Michael, it was John and Mary. Their eyes gazed at him with every disdain they could muster. Including a peculiar long-haired teenager standing between them.

Sam Winchester had never looked at Michael in such a way. He was not the same grown man whom Michael met, no, instead this was his fourteen-year-old self from one of the photos hanging on the walls of the Winchester’s home. But this was not the Winchester’s house, nor were all the Winchesters present.

Shifting his gaze, Michael saw the large wooden box being inserted into the furnace, the crematorium. Though the Winchesters were not far from the box, their attention was on Michael.

Michael knew very well what was happening. However, he was unable to stop it. Try as he might, this was the very reality of what could have been if Dean died back when the Impala crashed. He would’ve faced the Winchesters and saw the very expressions they darted to his direction.

Utter blame and crippling guilt unlike any other awaited him, in a nightmare not far off the very truth.

***

 

“Dean!” Michael cried out, his body soaked in sweat and chest gasped for air. He was tucked in bed though he could not remember going to his room right after he passed out. Just before this, he remembered breaking things.

Furniture, his father’s chair-

Most of all, Michael remembered breaking his heart, after Dean’s memory returned ad he was faced by the awful truth that he had been fearing since the day he chose this path.

This chosen path.

Back then, he used logic and reasoning to justify why he did what he did. Letting Dean go was the safest way for everyone, so he thought. It was what he needed to do back then, and the same could be said when Dean returned.

With the Winchester falling in love with Castiel, Michael could not bring himself to stray from this path he chose for the Winchester. A path which brew such hatred and grief in Dean and himself.

This was all his fault.

His hands clenched tightly at something round and hard. It was a gold ring, his Father’s ring, the one that Dean placed on his finger. Michael gazed upon the glistening item and wondered if its counterpart was still with Dean.

It was wishful thinking.

Tears started to fall and his mouth quivered before he heard footsteps outside his door. He wasn’t that loud or perhaps, he did not realize how loud he was. It was Gabriel who arrived and his brother stopped at the door to check before entering.

“You’re awake.” He stated but Michael said nothing.

His brother approached his bed carefully and sat the end near Michael’s feet.

“How are you feeling Mikey?” Gabriel asked with a solemn expression on his face.

“I’m fine. I’m very fine.” Sarcasm of course but Michael had no energy for pleasantries. Gabriel did not respond, he pleaded with his eyes, urging Michael to take the matters more seriously.

“If you would like to say ‘I told you so’ then you have my permission.” Michael also sarcastically noted.

Silence filled the room for a moment. Gabriel fidgeted a little before his nose sniffed the air. There was a hint of glassiness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Gabriel quickly reached forward to hold Michael in his arms. “I’m so sorry Michael.”

Michael would have appreciated the sentiment in another occasion however, his older brother senses inclined him to remain strong. He comforted Gabriel, patted his brother’s back even, until the sniffing stopped.

It was not easy plastering a smile on Michael’s face, and it was faint. He applied a sensible demeanor while Gabriel explained what happened, about how Luke got involved with the whole affair. Gabriel assured that he was acting out of Michael’s best interest. He knew that if they could tell Castiel the truth, the whole truth, they may be able to reduce the inevitable damage of Dean’s memories returning. They sought to implore with Castiel’s better nature, which was what they should’ve done long before the whole engagement affair started. They wished to minimize what could happen but instead resulted in a complete disaster.

Michael kept a firm expression, understanding but firm. He did not wish to show any strong emotion, considering what he did to their Father’s parlor.

“I understand.” Michael nodded in consideration. He took his brother’s trembling hands, held it with both hands and looked at Gabriel in the eyes. “I do not blame you for trying to do what is right. You were only thinking of what was best for everyone, for that I thank you.”

Gabriel was about to speak out but Michael interrupted. “What happened earlier, was nobody’s fault but mine. I knew there was a chance that things could come to this, I have spent years wondering how Dean would remember and what he would do if he comes back.”

Michael stopped for a moment to silence the nightmare which sought to echo in his consciousness.

“Despite being unable to anticipate several things, I have made peace with the result. Dean finally remembers. He remembers everything and he…” Tears tried to appear on Michael’s eyes but he stopped them. “As I expected, Dean did not handle the truth very well.”

“Michael-,”

Michael cut his brother of. “Now don’t you worry brother. I will find a way to make this right. I promise you. Everything will be alright again.”

Gabriel seemed unconvinced judging by the frown on his face. “And if it doesn’t?”

Michael caught the frown but managed to flash a smile soon after. “It will be. Without a doubt.” Gabriel whimpered a little but groan of surrender silenced it.

“I hope you know that you’re an idiot.” His brother said and Michael nodded solemnly. “An idiot for carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.” He continued which made Michael’s brows rise.

“I am your brother. It is my duty.”

“Doesn’t have to be.” Gabriel said disdainfully.

Michael would have corrected his brother again if it weren’t for the urge to ask about Castiel and Dean’s wellbeing. Gabriel answered truthfully, without a hidden agenda in his sleeve. Castiel was placed under Luke’s care while Michael was passed out. Though Michael was not happy with this arrangement, he could not bring himself to be more self-righteous than Luke. Currently, Luke was more appropriate to soothe Castiel, though Michael could not believe it himself.

Castiel returned but left moments ago, apparently to go see Dean.

As for Dean, Gabriel explained that he was in the care of his family, particularly Sam. They were up to date with everything. Michael could only imagine how John and Mary reacted to the news, about the past and Dean’s catastrophic accident. Th elder Novak feared what Dean’s parents would do to him. Especially Mary.

Though it pained Michael to admit it, he wished he handled the situation better. In fact, he wished he handled this entire affair better, right from the start. The rings that his Father left him, they were the very instruments of destruction to Michael’s plans.

Most importantly, his Father’s ring-

“Gabriel, I need to see Dean.” Michael blurted out and Gabriel straightened his back.

“He’s still out with Cassie, dunno when they’ll get back.” Gabriel replied.

“Then I must see the Winchesters. John and Mary…I need to explain myself…”

“Sure, you wanna do that now? Maybe you should stay home for a while. Regain your energy first.” Gabriel suggested but Michael was stubborn. The eldest Novak insisted on seeing the Winchesters right away. If it weren’t for Gabriel’s relentless scolding, he would have done so.

***

 

“I am sorry.” Michael repeated for about the fiftieth time to John and Mary, who sat right in front of him, with Bobby beside him. Mary had a concerned expression on her face for a while now while John determined to keep a serious expression. The Winchester couple remained attentive the whole time when Michael explained everything that happened back then. Everything from the moment things fell apart.

Bobby’s presence there was but a firm suggestion by Gabriel. He thought that if there was one other person who could stand John Winchester’s wrath, it would be Bobby. That brother of his, over-protective when the occasion arises.

It wasn’t long after Michael woke up did he went to see the Winchesters. Gabriel only allowed it to be so soon because Michael agreed to let Bobby be there. Now, with closed fists on his thighs, Michael forced himself to remain strong in front of the couple who had been gazing at him with their manners for quite some time now.

Another second passed, Bobby was ready to break the ice, but not before Mary got off her seat and pulled Michael’s head to her chest. No woman had held him in such a manner for a very long time.

“Thank you.” Mary whispered before she left a kiss on his head. She returned to her seat then John reached to grab her hand gently.

“I don’t understand.” Michael’s overall emotions explained.

“Even though we already heard the story from Dean, we wanted to hear it from you too.” John cleared his throat before continuing. “That son of ours. Stubborn as always. Broke the heart of the very guy who brought him back to us.”

“Even though things didn’t work out between you two-,” Mary added. “It was because you loved our son that he was saved from what happened. He could’ve been worse but instead, he came back to us safe and sound.”

Michael’s lower lip twitched, his modesty was the only thing that could help him cope with this surprise. “But I was in a secret relationship with your son. With its multitude of flaws, surely the secret part should at least disappoint you. I was careless with your son, accomplice to his misbehaviors and lied about it to your faces all these years.”

For a moment, John and Mary shared a look. They gazed into each other’s eyes before shifting them toward Michael.

“We understand why you did what you did.” Mary continued, her hand remained resting on John’s. “We understand what it’s like to be afraid of disappointing family. From what we’ve gathered over the years, we know that you are a family man, Michael. You put their needs before your own.”

Michael’s eyebrows went up. The soft-spoken words of Mary rang in his ears.

“We know what it’s like to be torn between choosing what you want for your heart and family. We’ve been through it before, it wasn’t easy and felt like hell most of the time. It’s how Mary and I got together.” John’s thumb gently stroked Mary’s hand while he spoke. “Back then, Mary and I had to make a choice to choose between having each other and family.”

John bowed his head to contemplate for a moment. “In fact, we had to choose more than once. And it was tough. We struggled to remain together for a while but we always had each other. On the other hand, you didn’t. You only had yourself to fall back on, to make big decisions. Adult decisions…”

Another moment of silence passed and John glanced at his wife who returned a sympathetic look. “So we don’t blame you for doing what you did. Even if things turned into hell, we know you meant well. We know you did right by my son.”

Gently, Mary interjected. “We know how much Dean can be a handful. We raised him. We can only be grateful with how much you love him. Even to see him in someone else’s arms…” Mary

The older Winchester leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees before wiping his face with his hands. “Thank you, son.”

The only other person who referred Michael with the term ‘son’ was Bobby Singer thus he was rendered almost speechless hearing it from John Winchester’s mouth. Amidst the mixture of feelings in the room, Michael’s tears were unable to stop.

He wept heavily in front of the three people whom, right until now, were his parents.

***

When night arrived, news was shared that Castiel and Dean had returned. They were in the Winchester’s household and Michael wasted no time. He just arrived to find Bobby still there, accompanying John and Mary. Michael asked, almost impatiently, where Dean and Castiel were. All the while, thoughts of apology and intended redemption filled his mind. Images of his nightmares clouded his thoughts, making his knees weak and shoulders heavy.

John answered, pointing a finger to the ceiling, indicating Dean’s bedroom.

As soon as Michael headed to the stairs, footsteps were heard. Right before Michael, Dean Winchester arrived with his denim ensemble just as he remembered it on the very first day they met. The other man wore an expression which filled Michael with unbearable guilt. Guilt which he knew would remain by his forever. The callousness in Dean’s stare petrified even the people around Michael, including Dean’s parents. The foreboding sensation that things were not going to be fine infected every person in the room. Just from that one look.

Castiel followed soon after, he too wore an expression which crippled Michael’s soul. He never wanted to see any of his siblings look at him in such a way. Over the years, he’s managed to disappoint not just one, but every single one of them.

Michael quickly brushed his overthinking aside and cleared his throat. Just as he was about to speak, Dean cut him off.

“I’m guessing you’re here cause you wanna talk?” Dean asked, the question directly shot toward Michael. John, Mary and Bobby merely looked at each other with concern; Michael noticed at the corner of his eyes.

“Yes.” Michael replied as firmly as he could. It was difficult to muster courage when Dean stared at him as if all the evil in the world were hidden inside Michael’s soul.

“Dean…” Mary stepped forward, placing a hand on Michael’s shoulder. “We believe that it is only right for you and Michael to talk. Properly.”

Dean stared down at Mary’s hand on Michael’s shoulder. Michael wanted to remove it gently but he was immobilized for some reason.

It took another few minutes of Dean glaring at Michael before Castiel diffused the tension. Michael’s baby brother stepped in front of Dean and had his back toward everyone else. He whispered softly and only Dean could hear. With a nod, Dean looked up and continued his glare.

“Let’s get it over and done with.” Dean coarsely stated, left Castiel at the stairs and brushed past Michael’s shoulder.

The Winchester stepped outside, slamming the door behind him.

Michael stared into empty space for a moment before it was broken by Mary giving him reassurance that everything will be alright, that Dean just needed more time. When Michael gazed up and saw his baby brother’s face, he could not bring himself to feel encouraged.

Castiel gazed upon him as if the worst was yet to come. And it would. Castiel didn’t have to say anything for Michael to know.

***

 

With darkness, all around them, save for the warm lights of suburban life, Michael stepped outside to find his first love standing right in front of him. Dean’s back was turned to him, the leather jacket perfectly covered the other man’s broad shoulders. He was certainly different than the Dean Winchester from all those years ago, yet similar in some ways.

First loves are special. They bring out something in people beyond their wildest expectations. They have the capacity to silence a form of despair unlike any other.

This was what Michael experienced when he fell in love with Dean. He did not realize that he was capable of loving someone so much that it consumed every part of his existence, until there was nothing left to consume. Only darkness was left as the night goes by.

The only thing bright that’s left in Michael was inside his pocket. The gold ring, his Father’s ring that brought the old-Dean back to him. He dared not mention the item. He dared not think about it for too long.

After another moment of watching the Winchester’s back, Dean took a deep breath and turned to face Michael. He had a cold expression on his face, one that Michael remembered from several of their fights back then.

“I see you’re getting along with my parents. With everyone really.” A smirk appeared on Dean’s face, one that made Michael uncomfortable. Michael did not respond as he carefully assessed the other man’ movements and body language.

In conclusion, Dean was putting on a front.

“I remember back then, we were so scared of what they’d think of you. Of us.” Dean dwelled on the subject which incited mixed feelings on Michael. “Now here we are. You, me, mom and dad, Bobby and Cas. One big happy family!”

“Dean-,” Michael tried to interject but Dean wouldn’t let him.

“You even got mom and dad on your side. Everyone is. They all wanna feel sorry for what you’ve been though.” Dean added mockingly but Michael wasn’t going to let it get to him.

“Including yourself?” He asked the Winchester who quickly went quiet.

They both stood in silence but the tension remained in the surface. Almost to the point of turning into something ugly like before.

Michael took a long sigh. He gazed upon the cold hard ground before looking at Dean. He knew what Dean was trying to do. He was covering his true feelings using sarcasm and through antagonizing Michael. Both the old and the current Dean did this religiously.

“Dean please look at me.” Michael pleaded but Dean didn’t deter from looking at empty space. “If not, please listen to what I have to say.” This snapped Dean out of his trance and made him look at Michael.

“I need you to know that what I did was wrong. Very wrong. It was selfish and had no right to choose what you want.”

“Damn right you didn’t.” Dean snapped coarsely but Michael kept it together.

“I did it because I thought it would make you happy.” Dean shifted uncomfortably but Michael kept going. “Being with me…it was overly complicated. Most of the time, we were facing problems and misapprehensions.”

“You mean Adam?” Dean asked and it rendered Michael speechless for a moment.

“One of the many examples, yes.” Michael said carefully to brush the subject aside gracefully. “Overall, we were young and hopeless. We weren’t thinking carefully enough with our decisions.” Michael reached into his pocket and clutched onto Father’s ring.

“We were…” Michael struggled to get the words out of his mouth. “We were a wrong fit right from the start.”

Dean’s expression seemed to grow more frustrated after every word that Michael said.

“When I saw an opportunity for the two of us to separate, I took it. I took it without considering you because I was afraid and a coward. But now…I just want to give you closure. Closure for what I did, for what happened to you, for what we had…everything…”

Michael bowed his head in shame and let Dean stare him down.

“I am sorry.” He looked up and saw the Winchester’s expression in distress.  Michael’s lips quivered and his body shivered in anticipation. He wanted Dean to say something, anything.

It could be from the old-Dean or the current one, or both. Just anything.

It would bring him the closure that he needed.

“That it?” Dean asked coldly.

Michael gave a quizzical brow and answered with a question. “What do you mean?”

Dean inhaled deeply and placed his hands on his hips. “Just wanting to make sure that you’ve said what you needed to say.” The sarcastic tone in Dean’s tone quickly melted Michael’s fear and ignited some heat of disdain. Michael was slightly hurt but not enough to bring some tears into the fray.

“Are you talking to the old me or the new me?” Dean asked and pointed at his temple.

“Both. Or rather, just yourself.” Michael answered quickly.

“You sure?” Dean raised a speculative eyebrow.

Michael didn’t answer this time, instead he took a deep breath and stared Dean down. “Dean, I came here to finally give us some closure. I only ask for this opportunity to be handled sensibly.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean comically asked which only made the hurt inside Michael worse.

“I fear you have no intention of doing so.” Michael bit back condescendingly but it did not deter the other man.

“Well that’s because we’ve had too much of what you want. Everything, right up to this point in time, has been because you made it like this. How about we switch it around for once? Hm?” Dean asked mockingly but Michael sensed that it would only be counterproductive to argue.

“Very well.”

Dean nodded but not out of gratitude.

“Firstly, I wanna say thanks.” Dean started and Michael did not appreciate the smug look on his face. “You were right.  ‘We were a wrong fit right from the start’. Makes it so easy to get things out of our chests.”

Michael tried not to be too bothered by Dean using his words.

“Secondly.” Dean continued. “You’re not the only one to blame for what happened. Back then, when I crashed Baby, maybe I was also looking for a reason to get out. Maybe I got the amnesia because I really wanted to forget.”

Dean stepped closer as he said the last few words which left a bitter feeling in Michael’s heart.

“I wanted to forget how easy it was for you to move on from me. It hadn’t even been a week and you were already getting it on with someone else.”

“I did not sleep with Adam.” Michael stated firmly.

“Okay you didn’t. But that doesn’t change the fact that we’re over. We’ve been for a very long time now. Especially to you. It just took me this long to realize it…” Dean crossed his arms and sighed. “You went through all that trouble just to keep our past a secret, to the point of using Gabe and Luke, your own siblings…”

“I-,” Michael tried to protest but Dean still wouldn’t let him.

“If having Cas propose to me mean anything, it would be that we were already over, to you.” Dean reached into his pocket and held out mother’s ring. The ring that Michael gave him. Symbol of the promise Michael made for the Winchester.

“Dean I-,” Michael tried to call out but failed of course.

“It’s over.” Dean stated, as clear as the night sky. “We’re done. I’ve been so blind for so long. A part of me wouldn’t give up, while I had the amnesia.” Dean tapped his temple. “I couldn’t get that part of my head to shut up back then because something was missing. There was a loose end waiting.”

Carefully, Dean stepped in front of Michael, took the other man's hand and placed the ring on his palm. Michael couldn’t breathe though he tried his hardest.

“What that part was telling me, was to make sure that you knew…since the time we had that big fight…” Dean paused for a moment to close his eyes and say it again.

“That we’re over. That’s it. I just wanted you to know that.” Dean repeated as Michael expected.

The two of them were silent. Still and cold with the night. Michael looked closely to find any sign of the old-Dean hidden in Dean’s eyes. Unfortunately, he saw all of it.

The old-Dean was right there, finally rejecting after so long.

He didn’t know what to expect. It was exactly what he wanted, what he desired. He set everything in place so that he would lose Dean so there it was. A thread laid bare in front of him.

However, the real mystery was-

Why did it hurt as it did the first time?

Michael closed his hand and clenched his fingers around the gold ring.

“I see…” Michael cleared his throat and Dean agreed.

“Yep.”

Michael was about to say something else but Dean cut him off as always.

“I’m still marrying Cas.” Dean added and shards of glass were felt in Michael’s arteries.

“You are?” Michael asked but it sounded more like a statement.

“He’s the one for me. I know he is. And I love him.” Dean confessed and Michael simply nodded.

“You do.” Michael commented, as if Dean needed the reassurance.

“Yes!” Dean answered with a smile though tears were racing down his cheeks, faster than Michael’s. “And I want to be with no one else but him.”

Michael simply wept and so did Dean. They faced each other with heavy tears and snot filled noses. After a short moment, Michael finally got the chance to speak up.

“I am very happy for the two of you.”

“We are.” Dean nodded with a smile but continued to cry. “And we will be. We’ll be happy because we love each other.”

“Yes, I know.” Michael agreed again, his entire soul dripped away with the tears falling down his face.

Dean began to wipe the tears off his face but Michael could tell they would not stop.

“I have to go.” The Winchester said as he brushed past Michael to walk into the house.

Michael merely wept as he gazed upon the sky. Slowly he closed his eyes and placed a hand on his chest.

This was what losing one’s first love felt like. It consumed every fiber of a person’s being, in this case: Michael’s, until there was nothing left. For Michael, could no longer feel anything else.

Simply nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you all expect that?  
> I will edit this chapter when I get the chance.  
> Updating soon!


	39. Chapter 39- A Point Of No Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But that’s not the old-Dean anymore!” Michael burst out which rendered the older man silent. “That man in there- that person. He’s not the Dean that I used to know. The Dean I knew and loved is gone. Maybe just for a couple of weeks or months or even years- who knows? Dean is- Dean doesn’t remember me and for once, the path is clear. He can decide what is right for him for once. He can choose to go back to his family without someone like me to hold him back!”
> 
> \- Michael, Chapter 39: A Point Of No Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for making you all wait for an update. It was difficult trying to write this chapter as i had to go back and forth with the story and check if I had missed anything from the previous chapters. I even used some dialogue from chapters as early as Chapter 12 for this chapter!  
> This is a slight deviation from the main plot but necessary nonetheless.

**-Three years ago-**

As soon as Michael found out about Dean’s accident, he rushed to the hospital. After getting verbally abused by Bobby over the phone and driving through several red lights, he managed to find his way to the hospital in one piece. He just made it in time to find Dean in the emergency room. Dean was surrounded by doctors and nurses, with wires attaching his body to machines. Panic surged in Michael’s heart and he completely ignored the nurse who was desperately trying to grab his attention. This was the first-time Michael met Tessa.

“That’s my man- my boyfriend! Let me see him! I want to see him!” Michael ordered but the crowd of people restraining him would have none of it.

“I’m very sorry sir but you can’t go in there, the doctors are working very hard to save him.” Tessa explained but to Michael, it went in one ear then out the other. It would take a while before Michael’s panic allowed anything to register in the eldest Novak’s mind.

When he had calmed down or rather, roughly escorted away from the emergency room by several police officers who were summoned by the staff, a doctor explained everything to Michael. Dean could have short or long-term memory loss and it was almost inevitable. It could be selective or it could be entirely. Though the doctors believed it was most likely the former, yet the odds were still against them. While Tessa explained everything to Bobby, Michael stood against the wall and stared at Dean.

He understood Dean’s medical condition perfectly. After all, Father taught him, Luke and Gabriel the medical field.  He insisted on seeing Dean again but the reply was no different than it was earlier.

After a few more threats from security and reminders of hospital policy from Tessa, Michael eventually sat down quietly. He spoke to no one, not even Bobby who tried as he might, could not take Michael’s attention away from Dean.

When Michael was finally left alone, he made one phone call to his brother Luke, declaring several orders.

“Michael.”

After hours spent on worrying and wondering what happened, Michael raised his head to the direction of the voice. Luke stood with his back resting on the wall next to where Michael sat. He held a yellow manila folder on one hand, something which his contacts would do whenever secret information was needed to be shared.

Carefully, Michael reached up and clasped his fingers around the folder. The information inside was everything that Michael needed to gather regarding how the accident occurred. Police records, public witness accounts and property damages were gathered in but a mere couple of hours with a snap of his fingers. All Luke had to do was play fetch.

As Michael flicked through the pages, his eyes scanned for anything out of the unusual. Or anything that might entail malicious intent from an enemy of the family.

“I also got the extra stuff you wanted. Mind you, it was actually the most difficult thing to fetch.” Luke pointed out from the corner of Michael’s eyes as he stumbled upon security camera pictures of Adam talking to Dean outside their hotel.

“If you ask me, I don’t think a family enemy was out to get Dean. However, I cannot say that malicious was not involved.” Luke tapped his index finger on Adam’s face.

Shock covered Michael as he quickly tried to piece things together.

“Brother mine, I believe this Adam boy might have said something to Dean right before he got into an accident.” Luke stated though he didn’t need to as Michael already thought about it as panic and guilt began to surge in his chest.

“I believe you wish to find out?” Luke asked and Michael nodded quickly before finally jumping out of his seat.

***

Searching for answers while waiting for Dean to regain consciousness, bore a heavy burden to Michael. Locating Adam’s whereabouts was not that difficult as he had Luke track him down. Adam was dragged into one of the police stations interrogation rooms where Luke pretended to be a detective while Michael watched behind a one-way mirror.

“Do you know this person?” Luke asked and displayed a photo of Dean Winchester in front of a very frightened and nervous Adam Milligan.

“Yes.” Adam jittered and played with his thumbs while Luke began circling around him. The Novak asked general questions such as where Adam saw Dean and if he knew who Michael was. Most importantly, he asked about the night of Dean’s accident.

“What did you and Dean Winchester talk about that night?” Luke pointed at the photograph of Dean and Adam’s exchange while his other hand rested on the table.

“We were…we were just talking about Michael.” Adam paused for a moment then started again. “I told him a few things…” hesitation lingered in Adam’s voice and Michael had to step closer to the glass to observe carefully.

“What things?” Luke asked quizzically and stepped beside Adam to intimidate the younger man.

“They were…they were lies. I told lies.” Adam confessed and Michael narrowed his eyes.

“What sort of lies?”

“I was…” Adam paused again to look directly at the one-way mirror before glancing back down on the table filled with papers and pictures. “I told him that was seeing Michael, that I was sleeping with him.”

Michael knew they were lies and suddenly, it all made perfect sense.

“Why did you do this?” Luke asked and pressed his hand on the table.

Adam looked at the hand and seemed frightened by what it was capable of. “I told him because I wanted him to hurt.”

Michael sighed and contemplated about everything that happened up until now.

“I was jealous and angry. How could some nobody get Michael all to himself? Everyone’s been talking about it- about the guy who whipped Michael into shape. The person who tamed the bald-eagle- I hated it! Everyone who’s been with Michael always talk about how amazing he was in bed and that you’d never forget such an experience! I wanted to have that as well, but I was too late! Michael was already taken by someone and it was so unfair! I needed to have a piece of Michael, even just once. It was all I wanted but then this whole thing happened and I was set up-,” Adam was quickly interrupted by Luke.

“So, you admit it.” Luke quickly interrupted. “You lied to Dean Winchester about sleeping with Michael to keep them apart.” A steady glare was thrown at Adam who seemed meeker the longer Michael looked at him.

“Y-Yes. Yes, I did it but I did not know he was going to crash. I swear to you, I didn’t intend for him to crash! Please don’t tell my mom about this! She doesn’t even know I’m into guys!” Adam grabbed hold of Lucifer’s arm and pleaded. He begged and pleaded naivety while Michael watched sternly. The young man was completely unware of the man who stood watch as he wept in despair, possibly terrorized by Luke’s domineering presence. Michael’s brother merely frowned down upon the boy before harshly pulling his arm away.

Subtly, Luke gave Michael a look which meant that there was nothing more that Adam could say. Michael understood this, he understood this quite well as he had presumed as much already. It was what he had feared, Dean did something stupid out of despair.

They were more alike than he thought.

And so, Michael walked away. For he had enough for now. More than enough to know, that all this was his fault.

***

Suffering was a recurring theme in Father’s scriptures. Michael listened attentively as their Father explained how their Lord sacrificed so much to give humanity salvation. There were also other characters in the bible that suffered for the sake of salvation. Michael always revered those individuals. And despite what most of his siblings think, Michael’s Father was a sacrificial man.

No matter how miserable their Father was, Michael and his siblings were given a wonderful life and future. There were many things to be grateful for.

If Michael had his siblings, he would be happy.

Unfortunately, not all his siblings shared the same sentiment.

Upon arriving back home from the hospital, Michal was met with a weeping Castiel and Gabriel, who desperately consoled their youngest sibling. Troubled, Michael wasted no time grabbing their attention.

“Castiel, what is the matter?” Michael asked his baby brother who quickly jumped up and ran to wrap his arms around him. Castiel didn’t say anything, instead he sniffed and sobbed in Michael’s chest while the eldest Novak tried to make sense of what was going on.

“Michael, something happened.” Gabriel answered and grabbed Michael’s attention.

“What is it?”

“Here.” Gabriel reached into his pocket to hand a sheet of folded paper to him. “You need to read this.”

Without another moment, Michael took the sheet of paper and began reading its contents.

_‘Dearest siblings,_

_I regret to inform you that once you find this letter, I will be long gone from this home. You will find my room vacated and all my valuables missing. The photographs, my favorite books, some previous jewelry and many other belongings are with me and will be with me to remember you all by._

_I have also taken some of our family’s inheritance and connections. I will need those to rebuild my life from the ground up._

_If you wish to know as to why I wish to do this then the answer is simple: I wish to gain the independence that I’ve longed for a while now. Should I have stayed and made farewells, I would unable to leave. But this is something I must do for myself. Believe me, it was not an easy decision to make._

_I understand if none of you forgive me. I do not believe I deserve it after following in our Father’s footsteps._

_I only wish you all the best and that you will always be in my heart._

_Please try not to find me, for you won’t. I am sure of it._

_Farewell my beloved siblings. Forever._

_Yours truly,_

_Anna’_

With hands shaking and confounded, Michael re-read the letter again just to be sure. Only to be disappointed that the words had not changed and his sister was long gone from his home.

“We checked her room Michael. Anna is- Anna’s gone…” Gabriel started weeping this time and Castiel cried even more. Whilst his siblings tightly wrapped their arms around him, Michael stood petrified. He was unable to feel as if his heart had forgotten how to.

Perhaps it was better that way.

***

 

After confirming with Luke and the family accounts, it was verified that Anna took a large portion of her share of the family inheritance. It would explain why Anna was quite impatient in having her papers sorted before. Amidst blackmailing Michael, Anna ensured that everything was in place for her departure. Michael thought he was blindsided by her actions, though he could have taken precautions before it happened.

At least Castiel finally stopped crying however he sought solitude. Gabriel dared not show his face to any of them, not even to Michael. Perhaps he took his misery elsewhere. On the other hand, Luke seemed to not be affected as everyone else. In fact, he mentioned that he saw this coming long before it happened but did not say anything out of apathy. He would not speak about Anna much nor did he make any effort to finding her.

When Gabriel learned this, all hell broke loose.

Michael had to stop his brothers from fighting again which ended with Luke promising to leave their home just as Anna did.

Just as their Father did.

With hope, seemingly impossible at this point, Michael returned to the hospital to visit Dean. Dean’s room was almost pure white save for the wooden crucifix hanging on the wall above the bed, the gray couch and wooden chair at the foot of the bed. It seemed as if the color had left and amusingly befitting to Michael’s life right now.

Colorless. Perhaps this was what Father felt many years ago.

***

 

Michael regarded watching Dean sleep and waiting for him to wake up as penitence. Every hour of every day that passed, Michael accepted his penitence. He would not speak to anyone, and when Tessa spoke to him for the first time, she would count it as one of the most dreadful experiences she ever had.

“Hi, I’m Tessa.” The black-haired nurse greeted although Michael received her with the poorest manners. Complete apathy. “I’ve seen you sleeping outside, after visiting hours but you’re mostly in here.”

Michael did not look at her nor did her words register in his mind.

The nurse looked at him with concern but it soon faded into a polite smile and nod.

“You’re not the talking type I guess…” She gathered her things, just as any nurse should do when they’re finished tending to a patient. “If you need anything, I’ll be down the hall.”

“I won’t.” Michael replied, half irritated that she would even insinuate a future of assistance.

Tessa didn’t reply but rather, left the room with her head bowed as if she did something wrong. Michael paid it no mind, he paid very little mind about things lately.

He barely ate, slept or bathed these past few days. He had not even contacted the outside world or to even check if how his siblings were. Last time he was home, he unwittingly mentioned to Gabriel that he was going out, which earned him a callous remark about never being at home.

The comment would sting before but not as much anymore.

Michael merely sighed and closed the door behind him carefully. He was slightly worried as to who would tend to Castiel but the thought quickly skipped his mind after he remembered Dean lying unconscious in the hospital. He sent a text to Luke, asking him to take care of Gabriel and Castiel while he was away, as well as forward any information about Anna’s whereabouts. Michael deployed several contacts and networks to search for Anna but their efforts went in vain. His darling sister had truly kept herself hidden from his sight.

When all seemed lost to Michael, he gazed upon Dean’s unconscious body and went beside him.

He stood beside his loved one who was covered in bandages, proof of what their relationship had become.

To Michael, an everyday reminder of how much he failed Dean.

There was a time when Michael would stare at this man’s face and fall in love all over again. He would watch Dean sleep and feel reassured that tomorrow would bring more smiles and happiness.

That and the warmth of being in the Winchester’s arms.

Unfortunately, those times seemed like lifetimes ago.

“Dean look at me…please look at me.” Michael cusped Dean’s face with his hands. These cheeks should be warmer and Dean’s eyelids usually opened when Michael held him like this.

“I’m so sorry.” Tears started to build in Michael’s eyes. “I’m so sorry…please forgive me. If you could just wake up and forgive me, I promise that I’ll make everything right.”

Despite the tears in his eyes, Michael managed to gaze upon Dean’s lips. He brushed a thumb over the luscious pinkness that would bring fire to his lips. Then Dean would say his name after and Michael felt sure about how he felt about the other man.

“Say my name. Please just say it…” he whispered to ears that couldn’t hear him.

Without receiving a reply, Michael returned to his seat and cried as hard as he could. He didn’t think he could still produce tears since he barely drank any water today, alas they still fell.

No later after he stopped, he passed out.

***

 

In his sleep, Michael dreamt again, only this time it felt as if he was awake. He found himself in the hospital and on the chair where he sat, right before Dean, with a figure standing next to Dean’s unconscious form. The figure was shrouded in a black cloak and the ends pooled on the floor. It was death. Death who was waiting to claim Dean yet Michael did not leave his seat. In fact, he remained on it and was immobilized. Helpless, he watched the figure turn to him, darkness that took away all light faced him. Michael tried to shout at it but no voice came. Paralysis beyond comprehension debilitated him.

The figure’s arms, shrouded with the cloak, reached for its face. It pulled the shroud off to reveal a person, none other than Dean Winchester himself. “You’re dreaming Michael.” Dean’s doppelganger stated then the rest of the cloak disappeared to reveal Dean’s usual leather jacket and denim jeans ensemble.

Dean’s double glanced at the unconscious Dean on the bed and brushed his fingers on his cheek.

_“Sorry Michael, but Dean’s time is up.”_

“Dean?” Was the first word that Michael could push out. As soon as Michael could leave his seat, he quickly pushed the double aside and held Dean in his arms.

There was no warmth felt from Dean’s skin nor did he body move.

Michael looked at the Dean’s face again to find the Winchester’s eyes open. They were lifeless and empty.

“No…this can’t be right.” Michael shook the Winchester to wake him up. When he received no response, he tried again. He tried and tried but his efforts were in vain. The man he was holding had no life left in him.

“Dean…”

 _“Such a shame, isn’t it?”_ Dean’s duplicate rhetorically asked. _“Dean kicking the bucket before you can even say good-bye.”_

“No.” Michael shook his head. He continued to shake the corpse in front of him, refusing to face the nightmare.

“Dean wake up. Wake up dammit! You can’t do this to me.”

 _“Such a shame indeed.”_ The devilish apparition stated behind him.

“I love you Dean please wake up.” Michael pleaded but there was only silence in Dean’s mouth. “You can’t do this to me! You can’t! I can’t-,”

Even though he knew he was in a dream, Michael couldn’t let this image to ever occur. Reality of not, he was not going to give up on Dean.

 _“Give it up Michael. It’s time to wake up.”_ Dean’s double commanded and so Michael did.

***

 

“Dean!” He called out but Dean’s double was no longer in front of him. He was still in Dean’s room as his vision was overwhelmed by the light bouncing off the white walls. Blinkingly, he noticed another person in the room beside himself.

“Good morning.” It was Tessa and she was preparing something on Dean’s bedside table.

Michael didn’t respond as per usual but Tessa seemed unfazed this time.

“The doctors explained your situation to me. Apparently, you’re allowed to remain here even after visiting hours.” She stated and Michael started to notice the tea cup that she was dabbling with. “You must be quite an important person to have that permission.”

She added but Michael remained silent. He looked at Dean who remained unconscious, bless his soul.

“You said before that he was your boyfriend.” Tessa paused and seemed to think about what to say next, carefully. “I understand you do not wish to be disturbed however, I think it’s best if you look after yourself. I don’t think I’ve seen you change your clothes since Dean was admitted here.”

Michael still did not answer. He knew his state though he cared very little to do anything about it.

“I just want Dean to have someone to wake up to.”

She commented and this time Michael turned to her. He narrowed his eyes which seemed to bring fear to her expression. A common trait he saw in other people.

“I have to go.” She quickly stated before excusing herself. As soon as the door shut, a voice was heard.

 _“She’s right you know.”_ Michael turned to the voice to find Dean or rather, his double, standing next to the Dean who laid unconscious on the bed.

 _“You gotta take care of yourself more.”_ Dean’s double stated and gently sat beside the unconscious Dean.

“You…” Michael muttered and the doppelganger nodded.

 _“Yes, I know. How can I be here? I thought you only appear in my dream? I’ve heard it all before so let’s cut to the chase.”_ Dean’s double slid closer to the end of the bed.

 _“I’m the manifestation of Dean in your head, made from your lack of sleep and deep-seated longing for my real-self to wake up. That sound about right to you?”_ Dean’s double asked but Michael wasn’t given a chance to reply.

 _“Or maybe I’m just here as evidence of your slow but sure descent to madness.”_ Dean’s double pointed at him.

“You’re not real.”

 _“Sure, I am!”_ The double exclaimed. “I’m very real in your head so only you can see and experience me.”

Michael blinked several more times, hoping for this Dean to disappear but to no avail.

 _“Can’t get rid of me just yet buddy. I’ve got work to do and so do you. You gotta straighten up for when I wake up. I don’t wanna see that mess that you’ve turned into.”_ Condescendingly, Dean shook his head and crossed his arms. _“You know, you’re so stubborn to the point that your body has started crying for help. Do you know what I’m talking about?”_

Michael didn’t answer verbally but shook his head instead.

 _“I’m that cry for help.”_ Dean presented himself by gesturing his hand from top to bottom. _“Take the hint buddy.”_

“You’re not real.” Michael stated again but Dean merely hummed in disagreement.

***

 

Splashing some water on your face was generally a reliable solution for Michael. It usually helped him get out of the slump that he buried himself into. Water dripping down his chin usually tickled enough to wake him up but instead, Dean’s double appeared right behind him. 

_“You can’t ignore me forever, I’m in your head remember?”_

Irritated, Michael ignored the imaginary man and stomped across the hall.

 _“Hey I’m talking here!”_ The imaginary Dean called out and even though Michael knew he was the figment of his imagination, the sound of footsteps was too real.

Michael ignored everyone around him. He ignored the hospital staff who would have been informed of his presence. He caught them staring at him with such pity, it made him even sicker.

Even the worse looking patients glanced at him. The dark cloud following him seemed obvious in their pupils. Still Michael ignored them.

 _“Would you just listen?”_ Dean’s double appeared right in front of Dean’s room. Michael left the room to wash his face in one of the other restrooms. Another reason was to hopefully get rid of the Dean who was following him.

Michael closed his eyes though he could feel the imaginary Winchester staring him down. When he opened them, Dean was gone and only the door stood in front of him.

When he entered, his irritation returned as Dean’s doppelganger sat on the gray couch by the window, looking right at him.

 _“Close the door behind you.”_ Dean commanded and it was what the real Dean would say. It felt too real.

Michael counted to three before taking in a deep breath and mustered the courage to face the apparition.

 “What do you want?” Defeat clung heavily in Michael’s voice.

 _“Simple. Drop the attitude you’ve got on.”_ Dean answered sarcastically with arms thrown to the side.

“Out of the two of us, you are the one who has an attitude problem.”

Dean snorted then pursed his lips.

_“Even now you’re still biting.”_

“And even in my head you’re still annoyingly clingy.”

 _“One of us has gotta be.”_ Dean bit back again and it rendered Michael silent for a moment. Michael scanned the apparition from top to bottom and was unable to find a single difference as to how Dean looked and moved.

“I need another drink.”

 _“That’s your solution to all this?”_ Dean asked then pointed at his unconscious form. _“Does it look like drinking solved anything between us?”_

Michael followed the direction of Dean’s finger and quickly felt the pang of guilt.

“I don’t know what else to do.” The Novak dropped to his knees right behind the door and covered his face. “It seems that everything I do leads to a disaster. My sister, my family-,”

A memory of Castiel’s grim expression passed and tears started flooding Michael’s eyelids.

“And you.” Michael gazed upon Dean’s sleeping form. “All of it.”

 _“Not all.”_ Dean’s double interjected. The apparition paced around the room with a playful stride, one that Dean would do whenever he was thinking of something to help. Even in Michael’s mind, Dean remained as restless as ever.

 _“You can choose to not to be miserable.”_ The double suggested and anger quickly filled Michael’s chest.

“As if I have a choice!” Michael shouted and even though he knew he was shouting at thin air, he couldn’t help but fight. “You should know by now the gravity of what just passed! Everything that is precious to me is in darkness! Cold and miserable darkness! And you have the audacity to suggest that I could choose not to be upset? Can you choose to miraculously wake up right before me and tell me that everything will be alright huh? Can you?”

Dean’s double did not answer but fixed a stare at Michael.

“Thought so. Like most things that you do. You never think things through, you just act and charge through, without a care about the consequences!” Michael had to bite his tongue. “It’s-,” He squeezed his eyes tightly to push the words out. “It’s easier said than done.”

The double standing right in front of him kept its stare.

“I don’t want to be miserable. I don’t want everything to fall apart. I never asked for it. None of this! However, no matter what I do, I can’t seem to be your angel. I can’t save you from all your worries, all your fears. I can’t…” Michael heavily sniffed as tears began trailing down his face. “I can’t do right by you Dean. I can’t and I let you down. I’ve let you down harder than ever and for that…I can’t forgive myself.”

Again, just as he had been crying over the past couple of days, Michael let the tears cover his face. He kept crying. He kept remembering all the sordid events that unfolded in his life and wondered if somewhere, in some place, in another dimension perhaps, things would’ve been different.

 _“Well now.”_ Michael looked up to find Dean standing right before him. It was still the apparition, however he felt arms reach down and wrap around him. _“At least there’s an angel crying for me. That’s more than enough for now.”_

Michael wanted to believe it was however all he could do was imagine. After all, there was no one holding him on the floor. On his knees, he watched Dean’s unconscious body and he looked peaceful.

“Oh Dean…” Michael muttered and the crying started again.

***

 

“Tessa.” Michael grabbed the nurse’s attention, who was giving Dean a bath and removed some of his bandages today. They had not made eye contact since the last time Tessa spoke to Michael. Guilt curdled in Michael’s chest as he remembered the way he glared at the nurse for confronting him previously. She was right though. He was losing himself even before Dean woke up.

“Yes, Mr. Novak.” Tessa answered and even though Michael never introduced himself or rather, refused to, she knew his name. The rest of the hospital staff did and probably several other patients. They weren’t supposed to but Michael had caught lingering eyes on him before.

“I would like to say…” It was difficult. After all, Michael was a proud man. The person that the nurse was tending knew that all too well.

“I would like to say that I am sorry.”

He managed to push out. “I am sorry for how I treated you before. I was-,”

“I understand.” Tessa interrupted. “Really I do.” Then a soft smile appeared on her face. Michael did not speak as if he had forgotten what it was like to receive compassion from another human being. Such a sensation was scarce these days.

Tessa had already completed her tasks when Michael took her attention. Then she left him with a solemn look, one that was comforting and much appreciated in these troubling times.

***

 

Tessa was agreeable company to say the least. She never pushed Michael to share anything with her unless he was comfortable with it. Day after day, he would reveal a fact about Dean and his relationship to him. Though Michael still couldn’t smile, not even when he spoke about how wonderful the Winchester was. He’d read Dean a book, a few which Anna used to read to Michael and his siblings when they were younger. When Michael finished, he’d tell Dean more stories about his childhood, anything, just to remember his family by.

He had not seen them for a while now. He dearly hoped Luke or Gabriel was taking care of Castiel. Despite Castiel’s self-sufficiency, Michael still worried about his youngest sibling. If only Anna was still there, Michael could at least be at ease with the state of his home. Without a doubt, it was a mess and Castiel would be the person left to clean up after his brothers.

He expressed all these worries to Dean though the other man didn’t reply. When the pang of guilt and sadness overwhelmed Michael, he cried next to the Winchester. For every tender loving touch and kiss that Michael missed, a tear fell from his face. The sheets were soaked by the time Michael was done and sleep would soon follow shortly after.

***

 

It hadn’t been two weeks when Dean was almost clear of bandages.  Surprisingly, several wounds left no scars. Michael could see more of his former lover and so did Bobby Singer.

“Have John and Mary contacted you regarding Dean?” Michael asked with a pained expression on his face. The older man looked at him with the same sympathetic eyes that Tessa and everyone else had.

“I told them that Dean wanted to stay a while longer.” Bobby replied and another thought bore in Michael’s skull. Before Michael could voice these thoughts, the older man placed a hand on his shoulder.

“They don’t suspect anything son.” As if Bobby read his mind, Michael felt a slight relief spread in his chest. “They miss him, but I told them he was busy. I even sent them a few text messages using Dean’s phone.” Bobby explained and Michael nodded.

“They are never to know about this.” Michael firmly stated but the older man’s expression did not agree entirely with him.

“But Michael-,”

“It will only make matters worse. Trust me on this.” Michael’s bottom lip quivered as the words left his mouth. “When Dean wakes up, I am sure that he will want nothing to do with me and we can put all this behind us. It is better this way.”

“What makes you think he’ll agree to that?” Bobby asked and Michael turned to Dean’s unconscious form.

“I am sure of it. Dean and I are over. Once he wakes up, nothing has changed…we’re still over.” Michael bowed his head as he remembered the way Dean looked when they broke up weeks ago.

“I’ll pay for everything and say good-bye to him.”

“It doesn’t have to be this way son.” Bobby tightened his grip on Michael’s shoulder but Michael shrugged him off.

“No Bobby, this must be done. Look at him!” Michael pointed at Dean’s unconscious form. “It’s because of me that he is lying there unconscious. We don’t even know when he’ll wake up or if he ever will-,”

A single tear trailed down Michael’s left cheek. “If we had any hesitations about our relationship before, then this is the answer. Dean’s family will never accept me for what I put Dean through and neither will he!”

“You can’t really think that son.” Bobby too was getting teary eyed but Michael remained firm with his statement.

“It’s the truth. It’s better this way. When Dean wakes up- should he ever wake up- I’ll know, he’ll agree with this course of action.”

“He still loves you Michael.” Bobby contested and the words felt like the chill wind of death in Michael’s heart.

“He’ll find that hard to believe. He thinks I already replaced him and so he can never trust me again.”

“He does and he will.” Bobby tried to make eye contact with him. “He will listen to you Michael. Only if you tell him the truth.”

Unconvinced, Michael shook his head but said nothing.

“You haven’t replaced him at all son. I know you haven’t.” Bobby stepped closer and Michael didn’t move an inch. “I’m sure you haven’t because if anything-,” The older man placed a hand on Michael’s shoulder again, this time Michael met Bobby’s teary eyes.

“The fact that you’re sacrificing so much and standing right here waiting for Dean to wake up, only means that you love him more than ever.  You always have and always will.” Bobby uttered then pulled Michael in for a hug. Instead of the chills, Michael felt as if everything that clouded his thoughts and heart became clear.

Bobby said the truth that he tried to deny.

“It’s not your fault son. It’s not.” Bobby patted Michael’s back and again, like a broken dam, fat tears covered Michael’s cheeks and soaked Bobby’s shoulder.

“But it is. It’s my fault and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry Bobby. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Forgive me…” Michael began sobbing heavily while the older man tried his best to comfort him.

“It’s not your fault. You don’t have to be sorry.” Bobby continued to coo him but Michael can’t seem to make himself stop crying.

Though his vision was blurry, Michael could see Dean’s double standing beside the real Dean. He had an expression on his face which was neither devious nor cheeky. It was a solemn smile like the one that Tessa gives him.

That Dean did not speak, he simply stood there and watched Michael and Bobby hold each other.

“I’m so sorry.” Michael mouthed to that Dean who gave a nod in return.

***

 

Michael did not know how he fell asleep that night. It was as if there was a gap in his memory, washed clean by probably one of the most pleasant sleep since his life went spiraling downhill. The morning after however, Michael experienced something that he would never forget.

“Michael.” Tessa woke him with a hush voice and Michael blinked at her.

There was still sleep in his eyes which he carefully rubbed off as the nurse leaned toward him.

“Michael I need you to wake up.” Tessa shook him and a yawn made its way out of Michael’s mouth. He covered his mouth before giving his attention to the nurse.

“What is the matter?” Michael asked and Tessa stood up straight and turned toward the bed.

Michael followed her eyes and found the reason as to why she awakened him.

“Dean...” His mouth spoke to a very awake Dean. Dean stared between Michael and Tessa’s space as excitement surged in Michael’s chest. Michael quickly sat beside the other man whose eyes continued to stare at the direction where Michael sat.

“I’ll get the doctor.” Tessa stated before she was immediately out the door. Michael did not even reply to her nor look away from Dean. He kept his eyes transfixed at Dean’s face as he held it between his hands.

“Dean it’s me. You’re awake.” Out of excitement, Michael embraced the man whose eyes looked dead ahead.

“I’m so sorry for what happened. I’m sorry for everything. I thought I was going to lose you. I thought you were gone.” Michael pulled back to face the man but his excitement was met with cold apathy.

“Dean?” Michael asked and finally decided to examine Dean’s expression closely.

Those apple green eyes which he used to stare at for hours and burned in his soul were lifeless and empty.

“W-Who are you?” Dean asked and just like that, Michael’s world fell apart. He knew it before Dean woke up. They all knew.

Dean would lose parts of himself.

“You don’t know me?” Michael asked the other man but it sounded more like a statement.

“I don’t- I don’t know…sorry.” Dean muttered and glanced around the room for a moment. “Where am I?” he asked but Michael did not answer the other man.

Michael glanced back at the other man, checking to see if this was some practically joke being played on him. However, the look on Dean’s face was anything but a joke.

It was real.

“You are in a hospital.” Michael answered as he kept his tears at bay. “You were in a car accident. You hit your head quite badly so you were rushed here.”

“Oh.” Dean responded with a bewildered look on his face.

The struggle of trying to keep the tears at bay was proving more difficult to Michael than he thought. He was about to break when the door suddenly opened and a crowd of hospital staff including Tessa entered the room. She told Michael that she contacted Bobby and that he was on his way.

Michael did not respond to her, nor did he look back. He headed to the door and looked at Dean for one last time before leaving. Tessa wanted to follow him but the doctor needed her there.

Uncaring, he wandered aimlessly outside the hospital until he was walking on the side of the road. Vehicles passed him, their drivers were going about their day save for one driver who stopped his truck next to Michael.

“Where on earth are you going Michael?” It was Bobby but Michael’s lips made a faint twitch before Michael continued walking onward to nowhere.

“Michael wait!” Bobby parked his car despite other vehicles honking their horn at him.

“Michael-,” It didn’t take long before he reached the husk of a man. “What are you doing out here? Tessa just called, she said Dean’s awake now.”

Michael turned to the older man again with an even more grim expression on his face. After a second of scanning Michael’s features, something finally dawned on Bobby.

“Oh balls. What is it now?” Bobby asked sarcastically.

***

 

Bobby and Michael returned to the hospital but Michael couldn’t remember the trip so much. He let the older man lead him back to Dean’s room but refused to go inside. Bobby urged Michael to enter but to no avail, Michael remained outside, only to be approached by Tessa. The nurse stated that Michael and Bobby were requested to meet with the head of staff.

Coincidentally, Bobby exited the room with a grim expression and walked toward Michael and Tessa. Tessa repeated her message and Bobby agreed but Michael did not answer, nonetheless he went along anyway. Without another moment to spare, they followed Tessa to the head of staff’s office.

The current head of staff, Raphael, was connected to Michael’s family. Raphael’s father was an acquaintance to Michael’s Father and thus Michael could have special privileges within its walls. When Dean was admitted to the hospital, Raphael did not hesitate to assist Michael however way he could. After all, a strong connection with the head of the Novak family was advantageous to anyone.

Raphael was a proud man, just like many individuals associated to Michael’s family network. He had a dark complexion and an even darker gaze at anyone who crossed him. Michael had only met Raphael in several occasions and like himself, Raphael was being trained to take over his family’s name.

Despite Michael’s state, the head of the Novaks kept a fixed stare at Raphael. Keeping up appearances was something he picked up from his Father.

“Mr. Novak and Mr. Singer, my name is Raphael Archer, head of staff in this hospital. I asked that I personally see you both regarding Dean Winchester’s condition.” Raphael glanced at Michael who gave a nod as response.

“My staff and I have conducted an examination regarding Dean and concluded that he is in peak physical condition. He might be slightly disoriented for recently recovering in a coma however, there are slight issues with his memory.”

“Selective memory loss.” Michael interjected and Raphael nodded.

“Indeed. Mr. Winchester has forgotten several parts of his life, including the very event of his accident. This was caused by the head trauma he experienced and so, he will have trouble remembering.”

“He remembers plenty.” It was Bobby who interjected this time and Michael turned to him. “He remembers his family and myself included. The only person he doesn’t remember is-,”

Bobby stopped himself just before he said Michael’s name. Michael knew it was him. There was no denying it. He wanted to know just how much did Dean forget.

“Dean can’t remember a single thing since arriving and settling at my garage. Michael-,” Bobby glanced away from Raphael and turned to Michael. “He doesn’t remember anything after that. I don’t think he recognizes you.”

The older man seemed reluctant to look at Michael for longer so he looked away. Bobby didn’t have to. Michael could already gauge the gravity of the situation.

Raphael explained more about Dean’s condition and offered several rehabilitation courses to assist the Winchester to remember. Bobby was all ears however Michael paid very little mind as to what was happening. His mind was somewhere else, in a place where he had a glimpse of Dean’s doppelganger, shaking his head at Michael. He kept to himself until after the discussion between Raphael and Bobby.

Once Michael and Bobby were no longer in the office, Michael asked to speak with the older man to confide his deepest thoughts. He already knew how the older man was going to react yet he anticipated for the worse, just in case.

“What the hell’s the matter with you?” Bobby hissed.

“Where would you like to begin?” Michael responded with a rhetorical question.

“This ain’t funny boy. You’d be crazy to turn down with helping Dean recover his memories!”

“Then I am crazy.” Michael casually muttered, apathy masked his expression. “Look Bobby, we both know that Dean has to go back to John and Mary, his family. He has been gone for too long and without a doubt they are worried about him. Even if Dean has been contacting them through messages. It will only be a matter of time before they notice that something is wrong.”

Bobby angrily shook his head. “It would be you who needs to have your head examined for even thinking like that!”

“Hear me out Bobby, Dean doesn’t remember me at all. He has no recollection of anything that happened before he met me! This is the perfect opportunity to set things right!” Michael cried out but Bobby continued to disagree.

“So, lying to his face is the answer. Is that it?” Bobby bit out and a sigh quickly left Michael.

“Look at it more as making things easier for Dean.”

“Horse shit! Don’t give me that bullshit Michael! You’re the only one who’s looking for an easy way out of this!”

“It’s true! You know that he already feels guilty for even being in this situation. Would you like him to suffer more? He has been through enough Bobby and this could be the only way out that won’t hurt him…much.”

“I can’t listen to this.” Bobby brushed his shoulder passed Michael and headed downstairs.

Michael followed the older man who continued to ignore him as they walked through the halls of the hospital. When Bobby reached Dean’s room, Michael hesitated to enter at first but her felt the hands of Dean’s double on his back, pushing him inside the room to face the Winchester once more.

Suddenly, fate intervened.

“Michael.” Luke arrived with impeccable timing, Michael wasn’t sure if he knew that Dean had awakened or as to why he came to visit.

“Raphael contacted me, said that Dean was awake.” Luke explained and Michael agreed.

“Luke I-,” Michael panicked. Bobby was in the room with Dean now but Michael needed to make sure that the older man did not tell the Winchester everything.

“I need you to do something for me.” Michael begged and Luke was surprisingly all ears.

***

 

When Bobby and Luke exited Dean’s room, Michael earned a death stare from the older man. Luke on the other hand seemed calm despite what just occurred.

“I can’t believe you Michael.” Bobby grunted but Luke quickly interjected.

“It’s for the best old man. It’s better that Dean-o didn’t know the truth just yet. Not until he’s ready.”

Michael was about to speak up when Bobby cut him off.

“By lying to his face and telling him that he was in a coma the entire summer?” Bobby asked and Michael raised an eyebrow.

“It was the only way to explain the time gap. Listen Bobby, sooner or later, Dean will remember what happened but until then, there is no point with opening fresh wounds. The fact that he forgot will only make it easier for him to choose his family over Michael. Besides, him and Michael were already over before this accident even occurred.”

“To hell with that!” Bobby harshly bit out and Michael had to check the door to Dean’s room in case the Winchester decided to come out. Fortunately, it remained shut.

“This is wrong and you know it! Both of you!” Bobby pointed an index finger at the brothers. “What gives you the right to play with Dean’s head? The old-Dean wouldn’t want this at all Michael! Just because it’s an easy way out, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do! The old-Dean wouldn’t want this!”

“But that’s not the old-Dean anymore!” Michael burst out which rendered the older man silent. “That man in there- that person. He’s not the Dean that I used to know. The Dean I knew and loved is gone. Maybe just for a couple of weeks or months or even years- who knows? Dean is- Dean doesn’t remember me and for once, the path is clear. He can decide what is right for him for once. He can choose to go back to his family without someone like me to hold him back!”

Michael furiously pointed at Dean’s room.

“This isn’t right Michael. You’re obviously hurt by the fact that Dean couldn’t remember, but that doesn’t mean you get to decide what’s right for him and not. It’s not fair.” Bobby protested but Michael disagreed by shaking his head.

“But what is fair Bobby? Nothing’s been fair lately and I am sick and tired of trying to make it right with Dean when all I ever do is bring catastrophe into his life and mine.” Michael had to pause to catch his breath. “I think it’s about time for Dean to really let me go. He needs to return to his family and move on with his life. Even if he remembers me, I am sure that he will hate me for what I did, for everything. He will never forgive me and I guarantee that he will never want to see me again. I am sure of it!”

Both Luke and Bobby bowed their heads as if they were giving sympathy.

“When Dean’s memories return- IF they ever return, then he’ll make a choice. He can choose to take me back despite everything that I’ve done and has happened, or move on. I am confident that he will choose the latter and I can assure you that right now, what we’re doing for Dean, is for the best. He will never have to decide between me and his family because currently, there is only one option to decide on.”

With that, the fight seemed to drain out of Bobby. Luke wouldn’t speak, he remained beside Michael with guilt weighing on his shoulders, even though he thought they shouldn’t be there.

“Fine.” Bobby pushed out, there were tears on his eyes. “Have it your way. Can’t say I didn’t try to convince ya otherwise.”

The older man declared before leaving the two brothers alone in the hallway. The night was upon them as all the doors in the corridor were closed instead of open to let sunlight inside.

“You sure about this?” Luke asked Michael even though he already asked it before. Michael didn’t answer. Not yet at least. “If you do this, he might never forgive you. Or yourself.”

“It’s too late for that. I’d rather he never remembers. It’s better this way.” Michael replied and with that, the road to Dean’s recovery led to a series of lies woven by Michael.

The lies were executed by Bobby, Tessa and Luke. An unspoken covenant was formed between them all to ensure that the Winchester was set to return to his family. Through this process, Michael assured Bobby and Tessa that he intended to take any consequences should Dean returns and his memories restored.

This was what he promised to them. A promise of responsibility and compensation for everything they had done for him.

All the while Michael knew, they were empty promises.

He didn’t believe that Dean would remember him or what they had, once upon a time. Which was why Michael had everything that belonged to him and Dean gathered and locked away. Hidden in a small box at the back of his closet room, underneath a false floorboard, where everything that proved his summer with Dean was real.

That it happened.

Anything else outside that remained in the memories of the people who helped him erase it all.

Bobby and Tessa would not see Michael again for several years, not until Dean returned with his family to Michael’s very hometown. A cruel twist of fate, Michael called it once. No doubt, the Michael from three years ago, couldn’t foresee such a coincidence to occur.

But deep in his heart, he spared a small glint of hope. Deep within the walls of insecurities, depression and insanity, there was a part of Michael that patiently waited for what he thought was never going to return.

If only things had been different.

If only Michael and Dean’s circumstances allowed it. The two men would be together again, safe in each other’s arms and promising each other a brighter future. And would keep it.

Instead, Michael watched as Dean wistfully drove the Impala into the sunset. The Winchester would not mix drinking and driving anytime soon but something else was on his mind.

He wondered as to who that man was. That man who held him when he woke up. The man whose face trembled at the sight of his bewilderment. And a curious individual, devilish in their demeanor, claimed that it was just a man who found him in the accident, and saved his life.

It wouldn’t be until he saw the man again after a while would Dean realize, something didn’t add up with what happened to him that summer, many years before.

That same man whose face he could not seem to get out of his mind would inevitably wake him up from a dream, which was supposedly: a point of no return.

 

**-Luke-**

“I don’t get it.”

Gabriel and Sam shared a similar look while Luke stood leaning against their Father’s chair, currently Michael’s rather. Luke summoned his brother and his brother’s boyfriend to their family’s parlor to discuss recent events. With Castiel and Dean preparing for their wedding and Michael locked up in his room, Luke took it upon himself to try and salvage their crumbling household.

“What is it that you don’t get brother?” Luke asked and Gabriel pursed his lips, trouble masking the younger Novak’s face.

“I don’t understand why Castiel would agree to marrying Dean after everything that’s happened.” There was a pause and Gabriel gave Sam a solemn look before continuing. “After discovering all the horrible things that our sister has done, he still insists on marrying Dean!”

“So, you think Castiel should leave Dean?” Luke quickly asked and the question made Gabriel’s face turn pale.

“No!” Gabriel blurted out defensively. “No. I didn’t say that.”

“But you think their marriage is a bad idea.” Luke raised an eyebrow toward his brother.

“It’s just…” Gabriel paused again. “It just seems spiteful if you look at it.”

“Gabe-,” Sam tried to interject but Gabriel stopped him.

“It’s true Sam! Think about it. Castiel knows too well as to what happened between Michael and Dean- more than Michael and Dean does. He knows that Anna tore them apart! That our supposedly darling sister was an extreme sociopath and that the real reason as to why she ran away was because Luke booted her out!” Gabriel pointed at Luke in frustration. “And yet he’s going ahead with this wedding, that’s not what Castiel would do. That’s cruel!”

Silence soon swept the room but it was obvious that Gabriel and Sam were deep in thought about everything. A sigh eventually left Luke before letting go of his Father’s chair.

“You’re right. It does seem cruel and spiteful.” Luke commented which grabbed both men’s attention. “But rest assured, Castiel does not intend to cause anyone harm.”

“How would you know that?” Sam questioned as usual, a trait that Luke found charming.

“Because Castiel would not stoop so low as Anna. He does not intend to separate Michael and Dean for the same reasons as she did, or lack thereof.” He explained but the younger Winchester remained unconvinced.

“But why is he going ahead with the wedding then?”

“It’s simple.” Luke crossed his arms. “Because Castiel is very grown up despite popular belief.”

“Really?” Gabriel asked and Luke firmly nodded.

“He still loves Dean. Perhaps he always will, with all his heart. And he wishes to be with him as long as the Winchester will have him. Castiel knows that what Anna did was wrong, he called her a ‘monster’ for goodness sakes. But he also disagrees with how Michael handled things after the amnesia. I digress, Castiel is still a man and he promises to be with Dean through thick and thin, if the Winchester would have him. Am I making sense to the two of you?” Luke gave a look to each of them.

“Yes.” Sam nodded but Gabriel disagreed.

“No.”

“No?” Luke asked rhetorically. “Then let me put it this way.” He stepped closer to Gabriel, almost towering his shorter brother.

“Castiel is giving Dean a chance to choose between him and Michael. If you watch the two of them carefully, you’ll see that neither of them are planning to go ahead with this whole wedding. Just the other day, Dean couldn’t care less as to where they plan on having the ceremony nor did he digest the reality of their situation. Castiel is no different but not in regards to what is happening, he is aware of how Dean is behaving and what troubles him. He’s merely putting up a face to see as to what extent Dean push forward with this wedding until the inevitable happens.”

“Which is?” Gabriel asked and Luke glanced over to Sam first before answering.

“Two outcomes: One, Dean breaks and is compelled to confront Michael.” He answered and Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

“And the other?” the younger Novak asked.

“Or two: Castiel compels Dean to confront Michael again. This time, to ultimately bring closure to both men.” Luke added then everyone went quiet.

“What’ll happen after that?” Gabriel hesitantly asked as if the question was too difficult to stomach.

“Well, hopefully we see a happy ending after all this. Now that the truth’s out, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how those three live with it.” Luke snickered briefly. “Or not.”

“You find this funny?” Gabriel asked in frustration.

“No.” Luke defended. “But if you wanted to ask me as to who Dean should end up with then the answer will be Castiel.”

Sam and Gabriel immediately shared a surprised look.

“You don’t want Michael to be happy?”

“Oh I didn’t say that- of course I want him to be happy after everything that’s happened.” Luke waved his hand at them. “I’ve known this whole time that Dean would find his way back to Michael’s life. The memories, the ring, everything was bound to fall into place. I knew about Dean’s identity the entire time. I knew who he was and how he ended up back into our lives, as well as how he got ahold of the ring. I knew it, after all I gave Dean our Father’s ring long ago. He wanted to use it to propose to Michael- I can’t exactly forget about something like that. I never forgot who he was, for how could I not? It was the most dramatic thing that happened in our brother’s life.” Luke pointed a finger at Gabriel.

“I even told Michael this earlier, before I asked you both to come here.”

Sam’s brows furrowed and he immediately stepped closer to find some answers. “Then why did you pretend like you didn’t know? Why didn’t you say anything sooner? Even to Michael?”

“Because I haven’t forgiven Dean for what he put Michael through.” Luke answered callously, his expression grew dark which Sam felt as he took a step back to be next Gabriel.

“I had to witness our brother destroy himself after Dean got into that stupid accident, which he caused, despite Anna having something to do with it.” Luke bit out and the two men instinctively held hands in fear.

“Michael was miserable. He would not eat, sleep or bathe. He sobbed and wailed until he passed out. One of the few reasons as to why he remained alive was to be able to apologize to that sordid Winchester about everything!” Luke gritted his teeth as he remembered Michael’s state from back then.

“Can you believe that? He took the blame for everything when he didn’t have to! Especially when Anna left, I weighed the options as to what could give the least amount of damage to Michael.” Luke was shouting now but he didn’t care. “Instead of telling him the truth, I decided to tell him that Anna ran away and took her share of the inheritance. I even blackmailed Adam to make sure he didn’t say anything about being set up by our sister! I did all that because I knew it would destroy Michael even more should he find out what our sister did to his relationship. I had to make things right for him somehow because at that point, I don’t think anyone could get him out of the dark.”

“Except you.” Gabriel spoke out despite the fear in his voice.

“Yes.” Luke nodded gently as he tried to calm himself down. “I brought him back to the light, with baby steps of course.”

Again, there was silence.

After sharing more awkward glances with each other, Gabriel finally mustered enough courage to speak up.

“I guess there’s nothing else that we can do.” He admitted and Luke agreed. “I should just be happy for them both.”

Gabriel admitted whilst sounding defeated. “Right Sam?” he asked the taller man beside him.

Solemnly, Sam glanced at the Novak brothers then muttered. “Yeah…we should be happy...”

Something told Luke that nobody in the room believed that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how rich families distribute inheritance. Even though Anna was allowed to have her share, she didn't take it all (according to her letter) because it would make it easier for her to be found. besides the real wealth of the Novak family stems from the power and influence, distributed by the Head of the Family (Michael) thus whatever Anna took with her is ephemeral. Besides, she is not rich as seen in the earlier chapters.


	40. Chapter 40- Dean's First Love: Michael Novak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Doesn’t have to be the end for you.” Michael looked up shaking his head. He forced a smile on his face and placed a hand on Dean’s cheek. He rubbed his thumb on the wet surface. “You’re with Castiel now. You have a chance to be happy.”
> 
> “And you?” Dean inquired raising an eyebrow.
> 
> “My wasted heart will love you from afar.” Michael paused as he let the words sink in. “I’ve had my chance to have you…” As if for the last time, Michael gazed at Dean and remembered everything that happened up until now.
> 
> -Chapter 40: Dean's First Love: Michael Novak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did not make you wait long. I'll try to push the finale ASAP!

**-Michael-**

It wasn’t every day that a person could say: ‘I’ve come so far.’ However, Michael wasn’t just any person. He’d come so far where he accomplished many things in life. Many of his accomplishments were good, he raised his siblings, provided and nurtured them more than any loving parent could do, until they were old enough to take care of themselves. And Michael would never stop, it was impossible even if he could. His siblings were his entire world and if someone asked him what was his pride and joy, all he had to do was pull out his wallet and display a picture of him and his siblings.

The picture was an old photo so it included Anna. It was taken by his Father and was originally kept in Father’s wallet until he left it in Michael’s hands. Just like with everything else his Father owned. Though the picture was faded, the memory remained fresh in Michael’s heart. His siblings were his pride and joy.

But it wasn’t Michael’s _only_ pride and joy.

Nobody would see the photo hidden underneath a false black façade.

Now some would argue that this photo was not Michael’s pride and joy. Then again, not many knew what the photo was about or how it came to be. Because Michael only had a select few people who knew this side of him. A side of his life beyond those who feared him, did not believe him capable of having.

The photo was of him and Dean. Together, happily.

Nobody would ever suspect a photo hiding under the picture of his siblings. Not even Gabriel or Luke could find it, tried as they might. For if one of Michael’s brothers searched his wallet, they’d be too touched by the photo of their siblings together to dig deeper.

They wouldn’t find the one _other_ thing that was Michael’s pride and joy.

They wouldn’t see the side of him that had a heart and was, despite popular belief, very happy.

Michael _was_ very happy and in love.

So Michael kept the photo hidden, under the false black façade and his siblings photo. He’d pull the other photo out every now and then, only to gaze upon it for a moment before tucking it away, grateful that he still had his siblings. Or what was left of them.

He didn’t need a photo to remind himself that he was not alone.

He really did come so far.

He still believed this despite everything that happened.

After having his heart broken for the first time, - _‘I’ll make this easier for you.’ Dean took mother’s ring off. ‘It’s over. It’s over between us.’_

-losing the love of his life through amnesia, -

_“W-Who are you?” Dean asked and just like that, Michael’s world fell apart._

-being rejected after Dean remembered everything, -

_“He’s me.” Dean responded as soon as the kiss broke._

_Dean slammed his hand on his chest, directly atop his heart. ‘I even found my way back to this place but you never fessed up! You just kept lying and scheming- thinking of ways to make sure that I don’t remember!’_

-then having his heart wasted yet again,-

_‘He wanted to marry you.’_

_‘I’m still marrying Cas.’_

-Michael could honestly say that he made it far in life. And at such a young age, he had outdone his Father with bad accomplishments.

Only this time, instead of wallowing in self-pity and agony, he chose to celebrate. He celebrated the good and bad accomplishments.  

He celebrated day and night. From the moment he got up in the morning until he passed out somewhere in the house, there was a bottle not far from his reach. In fact, it was the only thing he wanted for company.

Every drop of champagne, wine and spirit was all for celebration. A celebration for making Castiel and Dean the happiest couple in the world while he wasted away.

He no longer sought to control anyone or anything. No matter how much he had to drink, it brought comfort so long it was dedicated to celebrating the upcoming wedding.

He celebrated non-stop for two days until he could no more and the alcohol poisoned his veins. He really did come so far only to lose it all in the end. 

***

Gabriel and Luke found Michael half-dead in his bedroom, covered in his own vomit and tears. Rock and classical music blasted through the speakers which then Luke violently threw on the floor. It was in pieces but he didn’t care, they could always get a new one.

They rushed Michael to the hospital, who was then rushed to the emergency room. Gabriel quickly contacted Sam who then passed the message to Bobby, his parents and of course, Castiel.

Castiel was with Dean when it happened. He wanted to explain everything, then have Dean drive him to the hospital so he could see his brother, but with how his fiancé was acting lately, he had a feeling that he would be arriving to the hospital later.

***

 

**-Castiel-**

Over the past couple of weeks since Dean overcame his amnesia, Castiel observed him carefully.

While Dean stared into the distance with vacant eyes and heaviness in his soul, Castiel watched. There were several occasions when Castiel wanted to ask the Winchester as to what troubled him but he retracted. Guilt followed and it did not fade.

When Dean cried in his sleep and murmured Michael’s name in pain, Castiel listened. He even soothed the other man who woke up with fresh tears in his eyes. Dean would apologize to him about it but Castiel did not utter a word about what he heard.

When Dean kissed Castiel’s lips, it tasted distant and the Winchester’s lips quivered unsurely, Castiel ignored it. Even when they made love, Castiel feigned ignorance to the way Dean behaved. The Winchester felt awkward and almost clumsy, as if he was touching Castiel for the first time. It was wrong but Castiel still pretended.

When Dean whispered ‘I love you’ to Castiel’s ear, Castiel felt that it was also awkward. Almost incomplete. However, Castiel still replied ‘I love you too’, wholeheartedly as if nothing changed. As if the man he was holding in his arms was still the same Dean he fell in love with.

After that, Dean slept soundly. The Winchester was quickly out cold and could not hear the muffled sobs coming from Castiel. The youngest Novak had heavy tears in his eyes but he qept quietly for he did not wish to wake Dean up and make anything worse.

That was the last thing he wanted right now.

He did not wish to make anyone’s life worse than it already was.

The first person that came to his mind was Dean of course. He loved the Winchester so much that he’d do anything for him. Anything.

But there was also one other person weighing in Castiel’s conscience.

His dear brother Michael who he had not spoken to since before he found out the truth. He missed his brother and worried about him. No doubt, his brother was again in a state of depression, much like the times when his Father and Anna left. Perhaps there were other times when his brother was in heavy pain but he did not know.

After all, everyone often kept things from Castiel.

Perhaps it would hurt if they had told him about things sooner. However, it hurt worse knowing that nobody put enough faith in him. Despite the pain, Castiel would pull through. He would but nobody ever gave him a chance.

Except for Dean.

It was one of the many exemplar qualities of Dean. Castiel never had to hide anything. And so did Dean. Castiel could just be himself and Dean would love him more than anything.

Only this time, Castiel knew that the Dean who loved him was but someone else. Someone who already belonged to Michael before him.

Kudos to all his siblings for they were right, it certainly hurt Castiel that Dean was Michael’s first. It hurt knowing that the reason why Dean was his was because Michael gave up.  It hurt even more that his brother suffered and continued to suffer for his _happiness_.

However, even Michael’s efforts were in vain. For Castiel was not happy.

He was not happy by the fact that he could no longer be himself around Dean. He had to pretend that nothing was wrong with Dean and they were still in love, and as happy as ever. That nothing had changed.

Castiel was indeed miserable.

For he was again in a situation where someone he loved and trusted was unable to give faith in him.

Faith that Castiel would and could understand, and pull through.

Dean was becoming like what his siblings and everyone else around him had become. Dean was also pretending for the sake of Castiel.

This was what brought Castiel misery.

For once, Castiel wanted someone to have complete faith in him. To be honest enough for Castiel to understand, just as he did to everyone.

Perhaps this was what made everyone so dishonest to him. Castiel chose to be an open book to everyone and thus they were afraid to share truths.

However, Castiel was not afraid of the truth, not now when he was hurt.

And it hurt more when the news came that his older brother Michael was rushed to the emergency room. Gabriel and Luke apparently found him covered in his own vomit and despair. Castiel quickly and without hesitation, told Dean what happened.

Though he was desperate, Castiel had a feeling that Dean would pretend even now.

“Dean, Michael is in the hospital.” Castiel stated as calmly as he could. His fiancé was just in the middle of taking the trash outside when he heard the news.

“He’s what?” Dean’s lips quivered when he asked the question as if he heard it wrong.

“He’s in the hospital. Gabriel and Luke found him drowning in his own vomit. Dean, we have to-,” Castiel paused for a moment to observe the other man who was clearly on the verge of tears. “We have to go see him.”

Shell-shocked, Dean stood still for a moment while Castiel waited. When Dean snapped out of it, they did not waste another moment before driving to the hospital. Dean drove as quietly as he could, not a single rock song was played.

It wasn’t until Dean parked the Impala in the hospital car park and got out of the car, when the shell-shocked expression returned. Castiel asked if Dean was going to follow but the Winchester suddenly had cold feet.

“W-We can’t-,” Dean whispered to himself and Castiel tilted his head in wonder. “I mean, I can’t- I can’t see him.”

“Why is that?” Castiel asked with a stern expression.

“Because-,” Dean babbled to find the answer even though Castiel knew it already.

“Because what?”

“I just can’t! Alright?” Dean cried out then turned the other way. His eyes were glassy and judging by the way the Winchester’s hands roamed in his face, Castiel knew he was crying.

Castiel stood still and looked at him for a moment. The way the Winchester was acting even now brought Castiel’s patience to its limit.

“Dean, please talk to me.” Castiel urged despite his feelings against it. Perhaps Dean’s denial was beginning to rub off on him. Nonetheless, he intended to put this farce to an end.

“There’s-There’s nothing to talk about.” Dean pointed out then bowed his head. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean from the back and nuzzled into Dean’s shirt. The smell of grease remained as pungent as ever however it could not prevent the deep-seated rage boiling in Castiel’s veins.

“You go and see him Cas, just- don’t let me see him. Please.” Dean pleaded but it merely stirred anger in Castiel’s heart.

Even now Castiel knew that Dean was still pretending.

“Why must you do this?” Castiel asked while letting go of the other man.

Startled, Dean turned around to look at his fiancé.

“Do what?”

“This!” Castiel’s hands clenched to his sides. “Why must you insist in denying when you and I both know that the mere thought of losing Michael destroys you?”

There it was. The truth. It was finally released.

“Cas it’s not-,”                    

“Don’t.” Castiel cut him off then covered his face with his hands in a desperate attempt to compose himself.

“You’ve been shying away from the subject ever since you recovered from your amnesia!” Castiel said another touchy subject again. They tried not to talk about the amnesia as much as possible for Dean’s peace of mind. Unwittingly, Castiel agreed to another wave of denial.

“Cas please-,”                                                                               

“It’s the truth! Admit it Dean. I know it’s difficult. I know it’s this ugly thing in our relationship but we have to face it somehow!” Castiel pointed to his chest. “I know why you’ve been a mess ever since that day. It’s been longer than that. You’ve been troubled about something for quite a long time now but I was unable to address it because I didn’t know what it was! Not until it was about-,”

Castiel bit his lip before continuing. From where Dean was standing, the Winchester seemed to shrink at every word that came out of Castiel’s mouth.

“I know. I know everything now. Or at least, what there is left to know...” Castiel mumbled to himself and ensured that the knowledge about Anna’s involvement was sealed safely. “Listen, I don’t know what you’re going through in terms of trying to adjust to having all your memories and feelings back.”

The mere mention of feelings had the Winchester looking up to him with a pained expression.

“I won’t know unless you tell me. I can only imagine what it’s like however, what I do know is that denying or covering it up with lies will not help. It hasn’t helped anyone before and it certainly will not help anyone in the future. I just-,” Castiel took a deep breath as he prepared to go forward.

“I just want you to be more honest about yourself Dean. I may not know what it’s like to have feelings for two people at once, however I do know what it feels like to suffer at the very thought of losing your loved one. I know, because I’ve been feeling the same lately.”

Dean had fists on his sides which began to loosen up.

“I felt it when you stare into the distance, wondering if you are thinking about Michael, but denying it in order to cope.” Castiel sniffled as tears began to fill his eyes.

“I felt it again when you cry in your sleep calling out Michael’s name but I pretended like I didn’t hear it. I pretended that every kiss and touch that you give hasn’t changed and that you were still the same Dean who I fell in love with. I heard you say that you love me and believed it because thinking otherwise destroyed me.”

“It destroyed me. Every time.”

“I said ‘I love you’ back just so I could pretend that it was real. That you’re mine and _only_ mine but I can’t- I can’t go on pretending anymore.”

Fat tears covered Castiel’s face and snot made it hard to breath. However, instead of feeling his older brother Michael holding him to make everything feel better, he felt Dean’s arms wrap around him instead.

“Then don’t pretend.” Dean cooed Castiel while he wept. “Pretending isn’t you Cas. It never was and never will be you. You’re honest, kind and patient. Everything good to me. You don’t- you don’t have to pretend anymore. I’m here for you.”

Castiel wept harder and cried in Dean’s chest until he could no more. He then looked into Dean’s eyes and felt even more in love amidst the pain.

“I only want for us to be honest about ourselves. I want to love you because you love me. And because we have faith in each other, faith that what we have can persevere. I want you. I want you to be with me but not like this. Please don’t treat what we have like a lie.”

Dean shook his head firmly, hearing such words come out of Cas’ mouth was enough to make him grit his teeth.

“It’s not. You know it’s not a lie.” Dean stated and looked directly to Castiel’s eyes. “You know it’s not. Tell me.”

Castiel’s breath hitched for a moment before replying. “I-It’s not a lie.”

“And it never will. I fell in love and love you with all my heart Cas. And it’s not because of some amnesia. I love you because I chose it, not because of something that happened to me. If there is one thing that I can be sure about my life, it’s _you_. And I love you for it. Don’t you ever forget that.” Dean assured Castiel with a kiss.

For the first time in a very long time, Castiel felt it to be real. This wasn’t some kiss to hide anything but rather, an honest kiss. One he had sorely missed.

“I love you.” Castiel breathlessly stated after the kiss broke and Dean replied.

“I love you too.”

Now that everything was out in the open again, Castiel no longer needed to pretend. All there was left to do now was for someone else to stop pretending.

He had a feeling that someone was going to be harder to convince than the him and Dean.

For all this stubbornness and denial started from the very same person they were visiting in the hospital.

***

 

**-Michael-**

“You’re an idiot.”

Was the first thing Michael heard as soon as he regained consciousness. He found himself not in his room but in a room where the walls were painted white and his arms attached to a machine. Before him stood a frustrated nurse whose short black hair sat rested nicely on her shoulders.

“How long was I out for?” Michael asked as he knew he had been in the same situation before.

“Almost an entire day, you stayed the night.” The nurse callously replied.

“It’s been a while.” Michael replied to Tessa who had her arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

“It’s been a while since I slapped you across the face for being an idiot.” Tessa pointed out but it only made Michael feel more perplexed than ever.

“Wha-,”

Before Michael could finish, the nurse marched up to him and slapped him across the face.

“That’s for trying to kill yourself again. For the second time.” Tessa accusingly pointed at his face.

“I’m a creature of habits after all. I couldn’t do it the first time around so I thought: ‘Why not give it another go?’” Michael replied while he reached up to touch his stinging cheek.

“This isn’t funny Michael!”

“I’m not laughing.” Michael replied casually.

Tessa pursed her lips then crossed her arms to glare at Michael condescendingly. She held the glare for a while before tears started to build in her eyes.

“Why must you always do this to yourself?” She started sobbing, her right hand covering her face in shame. “After all this time, you never learned.”

“Perhaps that’s true. Then again, I never had much luck when it came to self-sufficiency.” Michael tried to humor her yet the tears kept falling down her cheeks.

“This is your problem, you always shoulder everything! You’re such a massive control-freak! Can’t you for once let other people help you out instead of going through it alone? You do too much already even if it destroys you!” Tessa lectured as if they went back in time to several years ago, when she said the very same words.

They were in this very situation back then, when Dean was still in a coma. Michael drank too much at one stage, which led his brother Luke rushing him to the emergency to pump his stomach. When he was awake, Tessa was there. She was always so attentive and gentle.

Her patience toward Michael however was a different story.

She knew what Michael had done and what he and Dean went through. Michael told her everything she needed to know, including as to what to say if Dean woke up. Back then, Michael wasn’t sure if the Winchester was ever waking up. The despair brought him spiralling on the same path of dangerous drinking.

Tessa cried back then as she did now. It felt as if nothing had changed.

“You’re impossible you know that?”

Michael nodded. If only Tessa never met someone like Michael, she would be more cheerful than she already was.

“Dean would’ve said the same.” Michael responded as Tessa’s sobbing went down.

“So you’ve said before.” Tessa answered and asked for some tissues on top of Michael’s bed-side table.

“Tessa, thank you. Thank you for everything.” Michael sincerely expressed. He said the very same words back then and meant it just as much. Perhaps now, he meant it even more.

“You’re lucky I’m a sucker for the truly tragic.”

“That you are.” He replied.

The nurse narrowed her eyes and glared at Michael for a short moment before they both broke into laughter.

They laughed for a few seconds, probably thought of the same thing. They both probably wondered how far they’d come. Just as the laughter began to fade, the door opened and one of Michael’s brothers arrived.

Castiel entered and carefully closed the door behind him. Slightly panicked, Tessa wiped her face as if facing one of Michael’s siblings was more formal than being next to Michael.

“Hello Michael.” Castiel greeted him then turned to Tessa. “And hello, you must be Tessa.”

“Yes!” Tessa answered a little more excited than she meant to.

“You were the nurse who took care of Dean.” Castiel stated and Tessa nodded instead of answering, afraid that she might go over the top again. “I understand that you took care of him long ago?”

Though it was a question, it sounded more like a statement. Nevertheless, Tessa nodded and a faint smile appeared on Castiel’s face.

“Thank you.” The youngest Novak said. “Dean wouldn’t be here without your help.”

Michael turned to the nurse and saw a glint of delight in her eyes. She was struggling to hold it all together yet she remained composed.

“I’m just doing my job.” She replied but neither he nor Castiel believed that.

“No, you did more than that for Dean and my brother. I could not be more grateful. Thank you.” Castiel approached her, held out a hand and smiled.

Tessa took his hand and shook it. She seemed to be in shock with all this so Michael gave her a reassuring look.

“You’re welcome.” She said then continued when their handshake broke. “You may take Michael home tomorrow. Mr. Archer is very adamant that he stays, he shouldn’t be moving around so much just yet. And your brother Luke has taken care of everything else.”

“Very well. Thank you. Could I have a moment alone with my brother?” Castiel asked and Tessa nodded with fervor.

“Yes of course. Take as much time as you need.” With that, Tessa excused herself, bidding farewell to both Castiel and Michael. Once the door was shut, Castiel sat on Michael’s bed and looked straight into his brother’s eyes.

“Castiel, I’m sorry.” Michael apologized though it was long overdue.

“I forgive you.” Castiel said without hesitation.

“But I- I haven’t even stated the offences I laid against you. Apart from everyone else, I lied to you the most. Hid the truth and have everyone else do so.” Guilt rushed through Michael’s veins and panic surged in every fiber of his body. Castiel couldn’t possibly forgive just like that. He couldn’t.

“I betrayed your trust even though you put your faith in me. For that, I am sorry. I can understand if you never forgive me.” Michael started to weep. It hurt too much to realize that his beloved brother could in fact, never forgive him. “I shall never lie to you again.”

“Michael, I already said that I forgive you. Even for that.”

“No you can’t.” Michael began sobbing harder. “You can’t just forgive what I did. After all I put you and Dean through. I can’t just be forgiven so easily. I just can’t-,”

“But you are. You are forgiven. I forgive you brother.” Castiel reached out to grab ahold of Michael’s hands. The once strong hands that held Castiel since he was a baby trembled.

“I’m so sorry.” Both Michael and Castiel pulled each other into a hug. Castiel allowed himself to tear up and Michael was already beyond that. He wept and sobbed as if Castiel was the elder.

“You’ve been through so much. I know you have. I can only imagine what you had to go through just to keep me happy. And I am. For how could I not? I have a brother who loves me enough to sacrifice his own happiness for my own. Anyone would be lucky to have a brother like you. Anyone.”

Michael only cried harder from hearing Castiel’s words.

“Fates may have been cruel but they have also blessed me with the best brother there ever was and ever will be. I can never pay you back for all that you’ve done, for us, your siblings and to this family.” Castiel stated this while he gazed at Michael’s weeping face. The elder Novak had not stopped and only seemed to sob more from his brother’s heart-warming words.

“You are not only a good brother, you are also a good person. What you did for Dean, the method may have been wrong but the intention was right. You always put his and everyone else’s needs before your own. I do not blame you for doing what you did before. It was not entirely your fault and you tried your hardest to repent for it. For that, I forgive you. I should be the one to pay you back for the good deeds you have committed. For once, I should give back to you. Even if it must start with forgiveness. I shall give you that.” Castiel admitted and wiped Michael’s tears away with his fingers. The elder Novak was beginning to compose himself. He took over with cleaning his face while Castiel gave some tissues from the bed-side table.

“Thank you, thank you for forgiving me.” Michael managed to reply and it brought a smile on Castiel’s face.

“It is the very least I can do.”

Castiel pulled his brother in for a hug again and rubbed Michael’s back.

“I love you Michael. You are very important to me and I need you. You raised me when I needed it the most and held me when I feel most alone. I wish you will accept me in reciprocating.”

“I love you too Castiel. I hope you know that by now.”

That made Castiel chuckle. “Yes, I do Michael. That much is very certain.”

They grinned at the thought some more before the smile began to fade from Castiel’s face.

“You are also allowed to love others. We, your siblings, we can take care of ourselves now. You do not have to remain bound to taking care of us.”

Michael blinked at his brother for a moment then nodded. “It is no burden at all. I am more than happy to support you for so long as I am alive.”

“Yes-,” Castiel stammered there for a moment. “However, what I am trying to say is that, we would not hate you should you choose to share your heart with someone else.”

Michael had a careful thought about what Castiel just said then wondered about how he would answer. “Castiel if you are referring to Dean, rest assured, my past and his will not get in the way of your future and intentions with him.”

“That is not entirely true.”

Castiel corrected then withdraw his hands from Michael’s. “I know that the two of you never received the closure from last time. I know this because it brought you here and Dean- Dean is not himself.”

“In what way?” Michael asked to completely ignore the fact that Castiel was right about his previous attempt to closure.

“Dean is…Dean is in denial. Or rather was in denial.”

“Nothing out of the usual.” Michael stated with slight annoyance and Castiel nodded slowly.

“And it seems that it’s because he has not fully understood or rather, accept the things he remembered…from his time with you.”

Michael listened carefully for he was still wary of Dean’s condition after recovering his memories. In addition, Castiel’s happiness was at stake and so he was in full-alert.

“So I think it’s best that he comes in terms of it. Come in terms with his memories and…his feelings.” There was a slight pause before Castiel continued.

“Very well.” Michael sighed deeply at realizing unfinished business.

“Michael listen, I need you to try and confront Dean again. This time alone.”

Castiel pleaded and Michael quickly glanced up to see if his brother was serious.

“I do not think that is a good idea Castiel.”

“Please hear him out. Listen to what he has to say for I am sure he has plenty. You and him have much to discuss and cover so I need you to agree to see him.”

Worried, Michael gave his brother a troubled expression. “What makes you say that? Last time I approached Dean, he implied that everything needed to be said was already said.”

“Yes, he told me.” Castiel interrupted. “However, back then, he was pretending. All of it, his attitude and behavior toward you was all a pretend to hide the fact that-,”

“I must stop you right there.” Michael had to interject, for he could not bear to hear his brother admit what he feared.

They were shrouded in heavy silence for a moment before Castiel broke it.

“Dean has requested to pick you up tomorrow morning. He says he wishes to talk to you then. Do you wish to accept?” Castiel asked and Michael gave him a pained expression.

Michael protested the matter with all his heart however his brother and Dean were adamant about this. He knew it was a terrible idea and he shouldn’t agree but his words betrayed his thoughts.

“I shall meet with him. If it is to end all this. I shall see him.”

“Thank you.” Castiel sighed in relief as if he was lifted a heavy burden.

“Must it come to this?” Michael asked for reassurance so his brother smiled and said:

“You said that you will never lie to me again.” Castiel stated. “If you do this, then I know you are staying true to yourself. You need this more than you know. For once, allow me to help you.”

His brother was right. Castiel couldn’t be more right about everything. He really was grown up.

***

The very next morning, Michael was discharged from the hospital. Tessa told Michael that Dean was waiting for him by the reception desk. Slowly but surely, Michael regained his strength however, he wasn’t sure if he was fully prepared to face Dean again. With a deep inhale, he carefully made his way to the reception desk, only to be told by the nurse where Dean sat.

As soon as Michael laid his eyes on the Winchester, he was overwhelmed with a strange sensation. He felt at ease somehow, perhaps relieved at the fact that Dean was the one picking him up.

For Castiel’s sake, he agreed to this, though he wondered if it wasn’t too late to back out.

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” Dean asked with a polite smile then Michael answered.

“Much better.”

“How are you Dean?”

“Still in one piece.” A small chuckle left the Winchester and it was probably the first sincere expression Michael had seen since Dean’s memories returned.

“Got everything you need?”

“Yes.”

“Cool.” Dean nodded before he stared at empty space for a moment. “Should we head off?”

“Yes.”

Tension clung in the air between them however, Michael kept a straight face. They were quiet in the elevator, though there were times when either Michael and Dean wanted to say something. The words never left their mouths, not even after they got out of the elevator, nor when they reached the car park and Dean started driving.

It felt like years since Michael sat on the passenger seat, the last few times seemed like distant memories. 

Both men sat in absolute silence save for the Impala’s roaring engine and the Lego blocks clacketing with the car’s movement.

Dean drove smoothly and so was the traffic, surprisingly. The Impala drove passed familiar roads and buildings. To places where Michael and Dean went to dates long ago. The weather outside reminded Michael of days past when he sat in the passenger seat with the man he loved. Now things were different.

When they made it past the city, the forest surrounded them. Tree branches covered the path which made it difficult for sunlight to slip through. The road before them was dark and dirty however the drive remained smooth. The Impala’s engine roared in the wilderness, as if announcing its return after such a long time.

Soon they reached a cliff which allowed Michael to see the entire city. The road continued to the top of the hill then back to the highway but their spot was the best. Dean used to take him here at night so they could see the stars twinkle above. He never thought the view during the day was just as calming and relaxing.

Once the engine was off, Dean took a deep breath and gazed into the distance. Michael noticed from the corner of his eyes that the Winchester seemed to relax more despite the overwhelming tension earlier. He just had to turn his head to see for himself.

“We’re here.”

“Yes.” Michael agreed then took a deep breath as well. “We’re back here.”

“So you remember this place?” Dean asked and Michael nodded.

“How could I not? It’s one of the most wonderful places I’ve ever been to.” Heavily longing, Michael made a mental note to control his heart. “I’m glad you remembered this place.”

“I remember.” Dean agreed. “I remember lots of things. Probably everything.”

“I see.”

Then there was silence again.

“Drinking your sorrows away. Guess you haven’t changed.” Dean teased despite the sensitivity of the subject.

“So have you.”

“Well old habits are hard to kill.” Dean defended which made Michael nod slowly.

“They are.”

“You could’ve died.” Dean stated and his voice dropped. “By now, you know our track record with drinking. How does drinking helped any of our problems?”

“Our problems?” Michael couldn’t help but ask. “I’m afraid you are mistaken Dean. My problems now are my own. I did not or do not ask anyone to share my burdens. This is something that I have to do for myself.”

“And holding it in and killing your liver is the solution?” Dean asked sarcastically.

“Why are you asking me this? If you took me here to give me a lecture about drinking, then you have wasted your time. You need not worry about me. Neither does anyone!”

Suddenly, Dean slapped him.

“Don’t you say that!” Dean pointed at his face. “Don’t you ever say that nobody should worry about you because I’ll slap you again if you do!”

“Then why did you bring me here?” Michael hissed the question.

“Because I have something to ask!” Dean cried out then looked away. The Winchester gazed at the steering wheel with a wrinkled expression. He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white while Michael kept a fixed stare at him.

Dean eventually composed himself after taking a deep breath. He let go of the steering wheel then placed his hands on his lap before turning to Michael.

“Something’s been on my mind since I got my memories back and I never really got a proper answer from you.”

Michael’s brows went up. He was curious as to what could possibly make Dean curious now.

“What is it?” Michael frightfully asked.

“I want to know…” Dean paused to clear his throat. “I want to know how difficult it was-,” Then the Winchester stared into Michael’s eyes with such sorrow.

“I want to know how difficult it was to pretend that I wasn’t- that I was some _nobody_. Like some stranger. I want to know how hard it was.”

“Dean-,” Michael whined out but Dean insisted.

“Tell me. Please.”

Michael looked away from him for only a moment. He thought about how to answer the question carefully but after everything that happened, he knew that honesty was the best and possibly the only approach.

“It wasn’t easy. It was possibly the hardest thing that I had to do. Probably harder than choosing to let you go.” Michael turned to the other man. “When you returned here without your memories, it destroyed me yet again.”

It was currently difficult to look at Dean’s face, especially when it wore a devastated expression. As if Michael, shattered Dean’s very soul there and then.

“It destroyed me again when I saw you in the arms of another man. Happily, in the arms of my own brother whom I dearly love. So I had to pretend. I had to lie to myself for quite a while to cope. For if I did not, I would have been in the hospital for the same reason as I was yesterday. Perhaps I would not have been able to make it.”

Dean’s eyes were glassy and Michael had to pretend that it didn’t affect him.

“I had to pretend and lie over and over again because I did not wish to cause anyone sadness and misery.”

“How did that work for you?” Dean asked rhetorically. “How does dealing with the problem and not letting anyone help done for you?”

“Nobody ever has to share the blame.”

“And you think you can take it all? You think you’re some perfect and indestructible god that won’t ever have to struggle with anything? How do you think the people around you feel when they see you carry the world on your shoulders?” Dean jabbed a finger hard enough to move Michael’s shoulder.

“I’d rather disappoint myself than anyone.” Michael mumbled with his siblings swimming in his thoughts.

“Is that what only matters to you? Not disappointing anyone? Some sick and twisted expectation? Is that what you’ve turned into? The very thing that your sister wanted- a heartless control freak!”

“Maybe I have. Better that than be like my Father- he abandoned and disappointed everyone who loved him! You knew what my sister thought about the two of us- you knew I was afraid that the rest of my siblings would shun me as she did! I didn’t know that they were going to be accepting of us, nor would John and Mary! I was afraid because being with me has caused you so much pain and suffering. I was convinced that everything would fall to pieces!” Michael barked out which caused Dean to reciprocate.

“But it didn’t! It wasn’t until the lying, pretending and manipulation that everything fell apart! You're so scared of not disappointing them that it backfired and ended up pushing your siblings away!”

“They would have left me eventually.” Without hesitation, Michael mumbled in defense. “Anna did, she left while you were in a coma. Who’s to say that Gabriel wouldn’t follow her footsteps? He hated Luke back then, he would’ve left surely.”

“How would you know that? You can’t just assume the worst! It’s what you always do and it’s because you don’t trust other people! Everyone could’ve forgiven and accepted you! Your siblings would’ve stayed!” Dean jabbed his fingers on Michael’s chest as he accused the other man.

“And you could’ve tried harder! You could’ve helped me remember sooner! Tessa and Bobby told me that the hospital could have helped me remember! but instead- you gave up on us! You accepted defeat. You let your fear control you instead of facing it; you tried to deal with it the best way you know how- by ignoring it. You let your insecurities trample on you, on your heart, on us! You gave up and decided to leave everything behind when things could have been different!”

“How? How can things be different? I didn’t know if you were ever going to wake up! And even if you did- we all knew that there was a chance you’d lose your memories! And you did.”

Quickly, Dean’s glassy eyes went wide. “That’s not fair.”

“Fair? What is fair Dean? Tell me! You preach about hope and optimism when the consequences have always been and are defeat!” Michael violently waved his hand toward the window. “There is not much use in trying because right from the start, as soon as you met me, I have brought misfortune and suffering to you.”

Dean slapped him again.

“You can’t believe that! You can’t possibly fucking believe that!”

“Sorry to disappoint you Dean, but I do.” Michael could still feel the sting on his cheek. “I believe that you would’ve been better off without someone like me.”

“So Cas is the answer to your failures?” Dean grabbed ahold of Michael’s collar and started violently shaking the other man.

“He won’t make the same mistakes as I did.” Michael choked out. “He will do right by you. He will stand by your side no matter what. He may not be able to undo what has passed but he will be much better than I’ll ever be.”

“You got that right!” Dean bit out. “Cas is ten times the better person than you! He’ll never be some empty shell of a man who doesn’t believe in anything! He’ll never be full of hate and despair! He’ll never turn into some coward who runs and hides when things get bad! He’ll never be someone like you! Never! Never!”

After shaking Michael some more, Dean was brought to tears yet again. Dean’s hands trembled and the grip loosened gradually.

“I’m so sorry. I really am.” Michael looked down upon the Winchester. “This is what I’ve turned into. This is what I have become. There is no use in denying it. No use in pretending anymore. This is me. Alone and miserable. So it is only right that I give you up. It is only right that you remain in Castiel’s arms. I can’t do right by you Dean. For that I am sorry.”

Dean wept somberly, tears trickled carefully down his face.

“Is there nothing left?” Dean asked while he sobbed. “Is there nothing left of the man I fell in love with? The man who knew how to hope, have faith and fall in love? The man who did all that, is he still there?”

By placing both hands on Michael’s cheeks, he lifted the man’s face directly to his.

“Are you nothing but a self-hating mess?”

Despair masked Michael’s expression but hidden underneath those navy-blue eyes, Dean could see the soul he fell in love with. It was still there. It never left.

“Is he there?” Dean questioned before leaning in to place his lips on Michael’s.

The kiss felt real and it wasn’t a dream that Michael conjured. Dean, in his wholesomeness, was kissing him. There was no lie or guile behind it. Michael was kissing the man that he loved. And he felt Dean’s feelings for him through his very lips.

“He never left.” Michael answered as soon as the kiss broke.

“Never.” Dean agreed then pressed their lips together again. The kiss was even more intense. It felt like something that Michael hadn’t had for a very long time. Perhaps never would from anyone other than Dean.

His Dean.

Only Dean.

“After all this time, he never left. He’s still there and I-,” Dean breathed to Michael’s lips but Michael cancelled the last part with his lips. He couldn’t have Dean say it.

Instead they stared at each other for a while, examining the other person as if it was the first time they were really seeing each other. Michael didn’t think he could love the other man even more than he already did. It seemed that he was terribly mistaken.

He was more in love with Dean than ever before.

But it was not how things were.

“Things are- things are different now.” Michael stated directly from his thoughts.

“They are.” Dean agreed but slightly pained.

“I’m not waiting for a miracle anymore. I’ve waited long enough. Things will never be the same. We can’t go back to how we were.”

“No, we can’t.” Dean agreed despite the ache in his chest.

“It’s my fault. I chose this.” Michael bowed his head.

“It’s ours.” Dean corrected and bowed his head as well. “We did this to ourselves.”

“Doesn’t have to be the end for you.” Michael looked up shaking his head. He forced a smile on his face and placed a hand on Dean’s cheek. He rubbed his thumb on the wet surface. “You’re with Castiel now. You have a chance to be happy.”

“And you?” Dean inquired raising an eyebrow.

“My wasted heart will love you from afar.” Michael paused as he let the words sink in. “I’ve had my chance to have you…” As if for the last time, Michael gazed at Dean and remembered everything that happened up until now.

From the moment, he met Dean to being able to hold him like this again, Michael could only fall in love.

Wasn’t that the whole point of this?

Michael did such despicable things for the sake of this man. This man who meant the world to him. The man who taught him how to fall in love for the first, and last time. The only man he could and would ever hold in his heart.

He did all this. Every path he took to arrive here was for Dean. He lived and breathed to have Dean like this again. Even if it was just for a short while.

Michael was forever grateful of what he had.

“I can’t- I can’t do this…” Dean shook his head and retracted from Michael’s hold. Michael did not protest, he let the other man go and exit the vehicle. Dean slammed the door shut and walked away. The Winchester looked at the horizon for a moment before groaning in pain. Then Dean walked to near the trees to stare at the darkness.

Despite what he said, Michael wanted to be with Dean. He wanted it with all his heart. He wanted to be with Dean and stay by his side forever.

Simple as that.

If only he thought it was possible in this lifetime.

***

Dean didn’t know what he expected when he brought Michael here. He intended to clear the air with Michael and not just because Cas said so. He needed to do this to move on and make peace with what they had. That should have been it and nothing more. He shouldn’t have to feel as if he was falling head over heels all over again. He shouldn’t want to go back into the Impala and feel the other man’s lips against his. He shouldn’t want Michael, he shouldn’t-

His heart belonged to Castiel and that was how it should be. However, why couldn’t he bring himself to admit that memories weren’t the only things that returned.

Despite the hate, anger, sadness and pain that came with the memories, Michael remained fastened in his soul.

He knew his feelings did not betray him. However, he knew Castiel brought stability. Something that he knew Michael was unable to give. Not when the Novak did not believe in himself.

Dean was already a man with low-confidence when it came to relationships, that much was certain. Castiel kept him grounded, the youngest Novak had what Dean needed to be more at peace with himself. It was probably why he was initially drawn to him.

Then there was Michael-

He and Dean were a wrong fit right from the start. Michael said so himself.

But why was Dean still madly in love with the eldest Novak.

Dean agonized with his conflicting heart as he tried to look anywhere but the Impala.

He should’ve kept his eyes on it though because the moment he turned around, a small white car suddenly appeared. It rolled down the top of the hill so fast, that when it rammed onto the Impala, both vehicles were pushed off the cliff, taking Michael with them.

“Michael!” Dean screamed out but it was too late and the sound of the crash was louder.

This had to be a bad dream. Dean could still be in a coma and he was having a nightmare. It had to be.

For there was no way he just saw the love of his life plunge into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think some of you knew where this was going.   
> I hope you liked the chapter. It drove me a little insane and depressed but nonetheless, I pushed onward.   
> I'm going to re-read this chapter and make edits in the next few days while I work on the next one. 
> 
> Hope you're still with me, my avid readers.


	41. Chapter 41- Happy Ever After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael was going to die.  
> -Dean, Chapter 41- Happy Ever After
> 
> This is not the Final Chapter, I repeat, this is not the Final Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the Final Chapter, I repeat, this is not the Final Chapter
> 
> If you're a Cas/Dean fan of this story, mark this as your last chapter. If you are a Michael/Dean fan of this story, I will make it up to you but first y'all must go through the pain, the agony and excruciating suffering of Michael.
> 
> I will edit this throughout the day but I've decided to update it for y'all because I can't stand another feeling bad for not updating in a while.

**-Anna-**

She lost everything.

Ever since she could remember, Anna loved stories. Reading stories was like walking into a new world or dimension apart from her own. She read stories about knights slaying dragons, princesses trapped in towers and happily ever after.

That was all she ever wanted, a happy ever after.

Unfortunately, her life was far from that. When her mother passed away, Anna’s family fell apart and it was only made worse when their Father abandoned them in the darkness of the night. Her eldest brother Michael was left to take up their Father’s role and keep their family from falling apart.

She was grateful of him. His best interests were to keep their family strong, which was also her best interests. Michael was not like their Father, weak and pathetic, and it was what fortified her respect for him. Unlike Luke and Gabriel, Michael had vision and power.

Such things were vital in the survival of their family. Bringing their family to greatness was all that Anna wanted. Together with Michael, no family would dare lay a finger on them. All their enemies would cower underneath the might of the Novaks. Protection and shield from the cruelty and darkness of the world.

It was their parents’ task but since they were gone, Anna could only turn to Michael. In him alone.

In Michael she trusted, but then he had to go and fall in love.

Anna could not think of a more disappointing moment in her life. She could not for the life of her, believe that her brother, the head of their family and supposedly guardian was completely enraptured by a man. Some nobody for that matter.

She could not bear to lose her brother as she did with her Father. She thought Michael was above such nonsense but apparently not. Michael ended up becoming consumed by this so-called love. An accursed thing which many claimed they had for her. But such a thing did not exist for when her suitors sought for her attention, they were quickly and easily frightened at the mere thought of facing Michael.

They were all weak.

However, Anna did not care, for love was but a trifle thing. Ephemeral and unnecessary. Expressing her anguish on the matter was merely a ruse to spur Michael against love. She simply wanted him away from Dean Winchester, cursed his name.

She would do all that was in her power to save their brother from such a miserable fate. Thankfully, there were other people who had a similar goal.

Adam was collateral damage. She only needed him to become a wedge between Michael and Dean, and it worked. Dean took the bait she set in place, had Adam lie between his teeth then it sent the Winchester to crash and burn.

If only Dean perished there and then. All of Anna’s problems would have been solved.

But then Luke had to intervene and in his providence, spun a web of lies to make everyone believe that Anna left her family, and took her part of the fortune or just enough to leave without a trace.

The reality was quite the opposite.

Luke had taken her fortune and kept it for himself while she was forced to live in destitution, no connections or advantages. She remembered it happen as if it was yesterday.

“What did you do?” Luke barged into her room without knocking. A trait that she always hated about his brother.

“Hello as well, brother.” Anna coldly greeted and intended to feign ignorance. Luke glared at her. With a few heavy steps, he walked toward where she sat. Books were scattered around her, some were novel she read to her siblings several times.

Her older brother crossed his arms and stared her down. So, Anna turned to her brother with narrow eyes and held them firmly.

“Do not act so innocent now, Dean was rushed to the emergency room due to a car accident. Michael is in the hospital with him as we speak and he’s devastated.”

“Oh?” Anna feigned interest. “I’m sure the feeling will pass. I’m sure there are plenty fish out there in the sea.”

“By fish, I presume you mean someone like Adam?” Luke stepped closer to her personal space. Anna merely ignored her brother, she knew that she didn’t need to answer his brother nor participate in his games. Just as they were when they were children.

“You will look at me while I’m speaking to you.”

“I don’t have to do anything for you.”

Luke’s left eye twitched a little. “Listen here darling sister, I know what you’ve been up to when you think nobody is looking, I’m not stupid. I know about your little plot to separate Dean and Michael. I’ve been watching you.”

Nonchalantly, Anna turned to her brother. “So you have? Tell me brother dear, why should you care? This isn’t your drama.”

“It’s not. Until you and that miserable boy took things too far.” Her brother hissed and slammed a hand on her desk. “I know about the little intervention you had Adam do in front of Michael’s hotel. I know because I uncovered footage and he told me. Sniveling runt told me everything, about you and him, and your plans. I gotta hand it to you sis. Your method of starting drama is an art.”

A huff left Anna’s nose. “They had what was coming to them.”

“They? You are also referring to Michael?” Luke raised an eyebrow at her.

“He was weak! Incompetent! How dare he turn his back on us? His family! Prance around pretending to be in love! I would have nothing of it! I was trying to save our brother from making the same mistake as our Father did!” Anna hissed at her brother arduously.

“By whoring Michael to people and getting rid of anyone he becomes romantically attached to. Is that your method of correcting past mistakes?” her brother questioned.

“I’m saving him from himself! Look Lucifer, I can’t expect you to understand what I’m trying to do but know this- this is for our brother’s own good. Michael would be better off without that bow-legged idiot, dragging him around in a leash. Our brother is a great man! He is fitting of a more suitable companion!” Anna slammed her hand on her desk.

“Our brother is suffering!” Lucifer pointed at the door.

“Collateral damage. Necessary to achieve a great goal, one that the likes of you wouldn’t understand.” Anna rolled her eyes condescendingly at her brother.

“Listen to me Anael, I know I am not above toying with people’s lives however I will never deliver our brother to such despair as you have. His life is his own as well as his choices. I will not have you pull the strings and dictate what is right and wrong for this family. That is Michael’s job, not yours.”

“But what if he can’t?” Anna pointed at the door. “What if he is greatly consumed by his feelings to know what to do with his life? What if he is no longer fit to serve and protect our family as its leader? Shall someone else take charge? Will you?”

Shaking his head, Lucifer crossed his arms and stared his sister down. “Not I and certainly not you. You will stay out of this. I have placed the blame for the disaster to Adam entirely. Michael believes this and I intend to keep it that way so long as you remain quiet. Put down this worthless crusade. You will never control Michael.” He waited for a response and it seemed he didn’t have to wait long.

“No brother. I will not.” Anna paused for a moment.

“You may think it is worthless but I do not. This is for the good of our family, why should I stand down and let our brother bring this family to ruin? I cannot allow another failure to run our lives. I will not.” Her fingernails dug into the surface of the table.

“Michael is but a lost cause. I will not stand idly by and let him rule with a broken soul. Our Father was enough. It should have ended with him!”

“That is not for you to decide Anael.”

“Yes it is! Now that I have ahold of my share in the family, I can use it to ensure that Michael is put in his place and help our family **prosper**. Michael doesn’t have to be the leader. I can take his place- at this rate, he would not mind abdicating the role as Head of the Novaks.”

“You are mistaken sister.” Luke shook his head and gestured his hand to halt her. “Do you really think that becoming the Head of the Family is such a mere process? Do you know what you have to do and who you have to stand up against in order to acquire such a position?”

Unfortunately, Anna was too young to remember and was unable to muster a reply. On the other hand, Luke slapped his forehead and made a disappointed chuckle.

“This is so typical of the younger generation. They think they alone can take the future and make it as they see fit. Such a foolish paradigm filled with empty visions.” When he composed himself, Lucifer stared Anna right in the eyes.

“Do you really think that all members of the Family shall allow you to be appointed as Head? Did you think Michael acquired the title because he was the first son of Charles Novak and Stella Milton? You are even more foolish than I thought.” Lucifer paused then a smirk formed on his face before he crossed his arms.

“Michael, acquired the position because he proved to the rest of the Family of what he is worth. All those conflicts and discord our Family had were overturned by Michael.”

“What are you saying?” She asked.

“I’m saying that everyone, from his siblings to extended members of our Family, we are all right under Michael’s thumb. We all answer to him and none other. Even if I alone were to stand up against him, I would be destroyed by the might of our Family’s power. Michael would strip me of everything I own and send enemies to my direction, enemies such as Gabriel for example. Gabriel would crush me and do it for Michael, for free. You know he would. All he needs is Michael’s permission. So think about your words and actions carefully sister. Do you know the price of committing high treason against the Head of the Family? Do you know the cost?”

Rage filled Anna’s veins as she felt her blood boil. She knew her brother was powerful, but she underestimated as to how much. The feeling of powerlessness consumed her yet again.

“Why does everything have to revolve around what Michael and our Father wants? Nobody ever asked for what I want! Nobody! Even if it’s for our Family’s best interest- it is still impossible to win!”

“Because you are as twisted as I and therefore, can never be any more than a _subject_ to Michael.”

“No, no, that is not true. I still have Castiel. I still have our darling brother!” Coincidentally, Anna thought about her encounter with Michael and how he crumbled at the mere thought of Castiel finding out. She knew she was desperate, she only hoped that Luke didn’t notice.

“Ha! You think you’ve won serpent? Do you really think I’ll go down so easily? I do not think it is in Michael’s interest to see his darling brother **disappointed** in him. If word gets to Castiel regarding Michael’s history of indulgence - surely he could not bear the shame.”

“That might be true however, Castiel already has two older and far more indulged brothers. What’s _another_ one going to do? Do not underestimate our baby brother’s compassion and understanding, Anael.”

Suddenly, all the fight in Anna’s core began to drain away.

“Is that it? That’s all you have against Michael? Your final gambit? Well that’s quite disappointing, I thought you’d put more of a fight…how about this- I tell all our siblings and family members about your scheming and plotting to overthrow Michael, using your _involvement_ with Adam. I tell them this and start a war of which you will not win.”

“No…” The intense determination which filled her soul gradually turned into a cowering mess.

“If you dare stand against Michael’s authority again, you will have no power, no connections or allegiances to protect you. You will have enemies of which you never wish to have. And I am talking about me Anael. I will be a worse enemy to you than Gabriel is to me. Know this you wretched girl.”

She felt sick from the inside. She felt as if all her efforts, all her plans for Michael and their family crumbled to dust.

“If you do not wish to be destroyed, I suggest you step aside and remain silent while I clean up the mess you made.” Lucifer’s hand reached up to cusp her cheek. His hands were not warm like their mother’s or Michael’s. His fingers were cold as if they intended to turn her heart into ice.

“Now here’s what you will do. You will stay out of Michael’s affairs for good. You will not speak a word about what you did and your involvement with Adam. By now, that Milligan boy is back home to his mommy and will think twice before messing with us Novaks.”

She felt his chilly breath fill her heart with a blizzard of darkness. Halting her in one spot. He removed his fingers and stood towering over her. His shadow blanketed her like a solar eclipse.

“And as compensation for what you did, you will disappear.”

She did not expect that. “What did you say?”

“You heard me. You will disappear and stay away from our siblings and this family. You will go into hiding and remain that way. I will not have you threaten this family any longer.”

“Is that how you see me, as a threat?” Anna reached to her chest and felt cold.

“I see you as a great deal of many other things but yes. A threat. I cannot trust you to stand aside and let Michael lead this family. You proclaimed yourself an enemy of Michael, of this family and mine from the moment you decided to manipulate our brother. I can’t have you around for another day. You will disappear by tonight or so help me, I’ll get rid of you the harder but harsher way. Do I make myself clear?”

Anna froze for a moment as she wondered about all the things that Luke said. She knew she had lost, she knew there was no hope of overturning this crisis. She knew Luke was a psychopath and would remain true to his word.

And so, she nodded, lowly and reluctantly.

She couldn’t believe how things arrived to this.

“You’ll also surrender your share of our Family’s fortune to me.” Luke added and it worsened Anna’s mood.

“Why would I do that? First you ask me to leave and now strip everything from me?”

“I cannot trust you to not use our Family’s resources against Michael. Again, this all comes down to compensating for what you’ve done. Do you really think you’re allowed to get ahold of your share with the intent to use it against the Head of the Family? Most of your share are derived from connections and networks created by our predecessors, by our Father, whom you hate so much. I for one will not allow you to get a single bit of advantage against Michael nor would many other members of our Family. So you’ll surrender your assets to me.”

Gritting her teeth, Anna felt tears began to build in her eyes. “This is not fair. This is so unfair!”

“Yeah, it’s unfair. But guessed what? I don’t care. You should be grateful that I did not expose you! I don’t have to help you clean up your mess. You can deal with your transgressions right before our siblings, right before our family and before Michael. Are you prepared to face Judgement?”

She shook her head without hesitation.

“Thought so.”

Anna remained frozen in bewilderment as Lucifer’s presence remained cold and biting.

“What are you waiting for? Pack up.”

This was what occurred many years ago. It was at that very moment, that Anna’s life turned for the worse.

A former Novak, an elite and prestigious family member at that, was reduced to nothing all because of a parasite which entered their lives. Her life.

Dean Winchester.

She lost everything because of him. All her siblings had lost their ways and became blinded by the same false sense of hope that love could bring them. Anna knew the truth, they didn’t deserve love. None of them did. They weren’t supposed to live the way their parents hoped them to be. They were supposed to take their lives in their own hands without parents, and without a leader.

Michael could burn in hell. All of them could follow.

Anna was going to take matters in her own hands since the rest of her family, or what was left of it, lost their way.

After Castiel and Luke visited her, Anna finally decided to come out from her hiding. Luke had people watching her, she knew he did. These past several years had taught Anna to have eyes at the back of her head.

She knew that her landlady, the grouchy old woman was paid by Luke to inform him of Anna’s activities in her own home. Her neighbors were former soldiers of the military, equipped and paid to watch her every move. Wherever she went, they went.

So Anna devised a plan to outsmart Luke’s minions.

Luke wasn’t the only person keeping track of things these past few years. Anna could discern the daily routines of the people watching her.

She knew that her landlady checked up on her every other day. Obviously to report back to Luke. The wretched woman let herself in since she had a key, so Anna planned her escape around that. For what else was the old lady going to do, but let herself in…

***

 

What Anna did to the ones watching her was rather criminal, however she needed to return to her siblings and find out what was happening to them. The look on Castiel’s face when she mentioned Dean Winchester troubled Anna while she drove her small white car slowly and stealthily in her old neighborhood.

The first familiar face she saw was Dean Winchester and it wasn’t hard since he drove that loud obnoxious classic black car. What surprised Anna was who sat on the passenger seat.

It was Castiel.

Her baby brother was in that wretch’s car and it befouled her. It seemed that paying Michael a visit would have to wait.

She followed Castiel and Dean until they all reached the hospital. Anna grew even more troubled, however her curiosity was like a thirst which no drink could quench. Not until she stumbled her gaze upon her siblings and others, all gathered outside a room. Luke, Gabriel and Castiel along with Dean and several other people whom she believed were acquainted with her siblings, stood outside listening to a nurse. The nurse had short black hair which sat nicely on her shoulders and seemed distraught about something. They all were.

The fact that Luke had not heard back from the people that were watching Anna meant that something distracted him. Something big enough to his attention, everyone’s for that matter. Everyone seemed reluctant to leave the hall, especially Dean. The Winchester seemed as if he was about to burst to tears however Castiel consoled him.

Castiel took Dean aside, toward Anna’s direction which inclined her to quickly move out of sight. She lurked behind a corner and had her ears ready to listen.

She heard that Michael was in the room where everyone stood. He was hospitalized for drinking. But what Anna heard next blew her away.

Dean, the same man whom Michael fell in love with was now in relationship with Castiel. Her baby brother! Anna almost let a gasp escape when she found out. She couldn’t believe it at first, until she peeked around the corner and saw Castiel kiss Dean on the lips, like what lovers would.

She kept a hand on her mouth to prevent making any more sounds and watched as both Castiel and Dean walk back to the crowd of people holding hands.

The realization dawned on Anna slowly but surely. Despite being away for several years, it seemed that a great deal of things had happened. Such changes had brought them all here, including herself.

And it only served as a reminder of what she came there for.

***

 

Michael was discharged the following day and Anna kept a close eye on him. She had plenty of time to ponder as to what had been happening with her siblings over these past couple of years. She couldn’t sleep by just thinking about the irony behind Michael and Dean’s fate and what it had come to. Dean was supposed to have amnesia, but by the way he spoke about Michael yesterday, Anna gathered that he regained his memories.

However, this would mean that he was in a dilemma between Michael and Castiel. Both of Anna’s siblings. She could not believe how selfish the Winchester was. All that man did was take and take and take what was rightfully hers. Her brothers- her fortunes- all of it.

She lost everything because of him. Everything.

Anger drove Anna’s fists to clench and teeth to grit. She cursed the Winchester’s name under her breath and thought carefully of what she intended to do once Michael left the hospital.

Luckily for her, Dean was the one who picked Michael up.

In that morning, she decided on her course of action. She followed Dean who drove his classic black car while Michael remained on the passenger seat. She drove and ensured to remain a car behind them to avoid detection. Only when Dean’s car headed to the wilderness did she wait a minute before following suit. The trail that they were headed was quite secluded and it would be too suspicious if she followed them. Fortunately, the tracks were fresh with Dean’s car wheels and she noticed that they drove toward the cliff edge.

She decided to take an alternate route, one that would take her back to the highway but instead of leaving, she returned to the wilderness using a new path. She kept driving until she could see Dean’s car parked at the edge of the cliff, overlooking the entire city.

Right there and then, Anna looked down upon the vehicle and wondered how her life would have been if it weren’t for Michael falling in love with that accursed Winchester. For years, she wondered what Michael could have been along with her and the rest of her siblings.

They could had been something. They would had been great and almighty.

Instead, they were enraptured by this horrible thing called love. A dreadful darkness made of strings that were so tangled, it strangled everyone involved. Including herself.

Dean Winchester took everything from her. Everything.

She was rotting in hell while he was free to ruin her siblings’ lives. They were all miserable because of him. All of them.

And it was Michael who let such a parasite enter their lives. Dean, who was nothing more than a leech that fed off the Novak family name just like that woman Kali. Michael, Gabriel, Castiel and even include Luke for that matter, were all fools. They didn’t deserve to have the freedom which was granted by being a Novak. They should be the ones banished, not her.

With vengeance in her heart, Anna glared at Dean’s car. She turned the engine on and unlocked the doors. She braced herself and turned her wheels directly at Dean’s car. She reversed a little and thought about what she intended to do.

She searched for something inside her. Something in her consciousness that thought otherwise with she planned to do. However, all she could find was spite and hatred. Hatred for the family who shunned her. Hatred for the brother who abandoned her.

And most of all, hatred for Dean Winchester.

She no longer cared if Michael was in the car.

All her problems started when those two met. She lost her means to flight, they clipped her wings, her freedom…because of their union.

Now she was ready to reclaim her freedom, one step at a time, starting with stepping on the accelerator.

She would set things right. She would release her family from the accursed Winchester and tyrannical Michael.

Soon she would be free. Free to fly.

All she had to do was open the door and release herself.

The collision was loud but the crash was louder. Anna suddenly found herself on the dirt, her elbows were scraped and there was blood. She turned around and saw Dean on all fours at the cliff’s edge.

A small crooked smile formed on her face. The pain from her wound was nothing compared to what the Winchester felt there and then. The smile grew wider and turned to a maniacal laugh. She shook her head as she trudged to the bushes.

She knew freedom came with a price. It was inevitable.

But it was one that Dean would pay.

***

**-Dean-**

Michael was going to die.

When they pulled Michael out of the Impala’s rubble, Dean was in shock. He was being comforted by Castiel who arrived faster than the police and ambulance. They had paramedics carry Michael in the ambulance and Gabriel and Luke rode with them. Castiel drove Dean to the hospital and he answered all the questions.

At the hospital, Tessa and a tall dark skinned man named Raphael were in the emergency room with Michael. Dean wasn’t allowed to enter.

Hours felt like forever and the world moved rapidly around Dean. He cried and wailed to see Michael. It wasn’t for very long that he did this in Castiel’s arms.

Doctors tended to Michael until early next morning. Dean nor Cas, Bobby and Gabriel slept. They waited until Raphael and Tessa arrived. They said that Michael was now stable and that he was going to make it. Fortunately, the cliff was not that high and there were bushes that caught the Impala’s fall.

It was the best news Dean had heard lately.

After several relieved sighs and exultations, Dean took a moment to be alone.

He walked outside the hospital and watched the sun rise from the east. For the first time in a while, he felt its warmth fill his cheeks.

From the darkness, Cas emerged which immediately took Dean’s attention.

Cas’ kindness knew no bounds as he held Dean in his arms and asked how he was. Just by Castiel’s touch, Dean gradually remembered peace and serenity. He didn’t have to feel worried about how scared or panicked he was when he saw Michael fall off the cliff. Nor did he have to feel awkward that he blocked everything out when he desperately clung onto the door of the emergency room.  

Michael was fine now and Dean was back in Cas’ arms. Everything should be back to normal.

“Dean, we need to talk.”

Perhaps Dean thought too soon.

“I know…” Cas struggled to push the words out of his mouth. “I know that what happened was horrible. We had not found the person behind this, but when we do, we shall bring them to justice. I hope you know that I’m there for you and my brother no matter what.”

Fear started in Dean’s heart again as prayed that this conversation was not heading toward what he predicted.

“However, what happened to Michael only proves what was missing this entire time.”

“Cas what are you talking about?” Dean questioned before reaching for Cas’ face.

“I’m saying that we need to admit to ourselves the truth. The truth about you and Michael.” Cas seemed almost teary while he said the words. “I know that it almost destroyed you after witnessing what happened to Michael. I understand because like I said before, I felt it too. I know what it’s like feeling as if I’ve lost the most important person to me. And that’s completely understandable. I understand. I really do.”

“Cas-,”

“You don’t need to feel upset or guilty for feeling that way. You still love him dearly and you can’t stand the thought of losing him. And so I must-,” Cas’ breathe hitched as tears trailed down his face. “I must ask you to stay.”

Right there and then, Dean hated himself for being right. 

“Stay here. Be with Michael. Start all over again. Try again for both your sakes. Please.”

This time, it was Cas who reached for Dean’s face but the Winchester retracted.

“No, no I can’t Cas. It’s not right.”

“It is.”

“No it isn’t! You can’t leave me here Cas! Dammit! We made a promise! We promised to stay with each other for the rest of our lives and that’s why we’re getting married ain’t it? Or was that just a lie?”

“It’s not a lie!” Cas bit out. “I never break my promises!”

Dean gritted his teeth and accusingly pointed at Cas. “So why the change of mind? Right now, you’re sounding like you made an empty promise! I thought you were better than that Cas! You’re not supposed to be like your brother!”

“And I’m not! But what about you Dean. Are you prepared to admit to everyone, to the altar and to me, to stay by my side forever?”

“Yes!”

“Do you swear to love me with all your heart? _Only_ me?” Cas asked quickly which made Dean stutter.

“I-I- Yes!” Nobody, not even Dean was convinced by that. He prayed that Cas bought it. 

Judging by the way Cas narrowed his eyes and slowly shaking his head, Dean was very wrong.

A moment of intense silence passed as Dean wept in front of Cas. The questions were too hard, too harsh. Cas stared at him with such a stern expression that Dean couldn’t even look at him. It wasn’t very long before Cas’ expression softened.

“I’m sorry Dean.” Cas walked forward and pulled Dean into his arms. “I love you. And one of the reasons why I love you is because when you love someone, may it be family, friends or lover, you love with all your heart. You don’t let anything stand in your way.”

Dean finally looked up to him, vision blurred by his tears.

“Cas, you’re not in the way.”

“But I am. Let’s end pretending Dean. If not, let’s end this resistance. It will do more harm than good if we keep this up. You and I, perhaps we could have been together in a different lifetime.” Dean knew it hurt Cas to admit it. He sounded pained after saying the last couple of words.

“Cas don’t do this… I don’t’ want to be together in another lifetime. Let’s be together in this one. Nothing else. We can still make it work-,”

“Please.” Cas interrupted then forced a reassuring smile at him. “Don’t make this harder than it already is. There’s still time to cancel everything but there’s not much time left to prepare for college. Sam and I will be going as soon as Michael wakes up. Gabriel has chosen to stay and take care of Michael but he’ll come to San Francisco soon after. During this time, I would like you to rebuild what you lost.”

Castiel walked closer to Dean, close enough for Dean to feel his soon to be ex-fiancé and ex-boyfriend’s breath.

“Should your heart lead you back to me, then it’s meant to be. You are my first love Dean Winchester and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve learned so much and felt things I never felt before. I made no regrets. I have loved and will always love you.  There will always be a special space in my heart for you.” Their lips pressed together and this was how Dean finally realized, it was the end.

“This is good-bye.”

And Castiel returned to the darkness, back into the hospital. Though the Novak expected Dean to feel liberated from sorrow, his efforts were in vain.

Dean’s heart broke there and then. Possibly as hard as it did when Michael broke up with him after all those years.

Possibly harder.

He hated it when he was right.

***

 

**-Castiel-**

As soon as Castiel broke up with Dean, he set out to find the culprit behind Michael’s accident with Luke. He didn’t have to do anything since Luke immediately found them. He wished he assisted in the search somehow but when Luke gave him the name of who was responsible, Castiel was rendered in shock.

When the shock gradually faded, he wept in Gabriel’s arms. He didn’t stop crying until half an hour had passed. Then Castiel composed himself, decidedly determined to see what had happened to his sister.

Gabriel suggested against it however Castiel remained firm. Luke was slightly encouraging however warned about his sister’s state. She had been detained in an asylum, a place where enemies of the Novak family had been placed. Luke said that they held her in a special room with the no human contact, save for security.

Luke said it was for her own good.

Despite knowing this, Castiel and his brothers all went to the asylum. They took one of their family’s private jets as driving would take several hours. All of them wanted to be next to Michael in case he woke up, however this was something they had to do.

When they reached the asylum, it was frightening picture. The asylum was inside a sealed compound, with security and cameras surveying the entire area. One would think that whatever was locked within its electric fence was inhuman.

It seemed too unreal that their sister was one of the individuals locked within.

Inside, they were greeted by a woman in a suit and short brown hair. Her name was Hannah and she was the overseer of the compound. She must had been Gabriel’s age for she looked far too young. Yet her overall demeanor and speech supersede her elders. Many members of their Family would. It was expected of them.

Castiel returned his thoughts on the task at hand. He was there to see his sister and confront her about why she did what she did.

When they finally reached Anna’s cell, Castiel felt slightly claustrophobic. They must be in the deepest part of the compound since they walked so much. The atmosphere was eerie enough to render Gabriel quiet during the trip.

Hannah then instructed the brothers about the protocols regarding communicating with Anna. For their safety, Hannah suggested that none of them touched the glass.

When the briefing was over, Hannah excused herself and Lucifer bid her thanks. His brother was not usually the kind to give thanks.

Once Hannah left them, the sealed doors to Anna’s cell opened to reveal a white room, void of color and personal touch. Anna sat right in front of them, with her back toward them and on the glass. Hannah said that the glass was bullet proof.

The room was bright but not bright enough to illuminate where Castiel and his brothers stood. Anna even had her back toward them yet his once darling sister somehow knew, that Castiel was there.

“I knew you’d come for me. My dear sweet Castiel.” Anna said as her voice was projected from the speakers on the top right and left hand side of the glass wall. “Did the devil brought you here like last time or was it in your accord?”

She paused. “Actually, don’t answer that. I know he’s with you. He’s right behind me isn’t he?”

Carefully, Castiel stepped closer though his courage slowly drained away the more light touched his body.

“Tell me, dear brother, how are you?”

Castiel stopped just a meter away from the glass.

“I am well. How are you, sister?”

An abrupt chuckle left Anna. “It must be nice to be able to roam freely, outside this glass. This compound…”

Castiel swallowed thickly, there was a menacing tone in Anna’s voice which he heard already but thought imagined it. He thought he knew his sister but as it turned out, he didn’t know her at all.

“Anna-,”

“You ask me if I am well Castiel.” Anna interrupted. “Yet it was you and our brothers that put me here. In confined solitude.” Anna twisted her neck and Castiel never thought his sister was capable of such a malicious expression.

She turned her whole body to face him. Her eyes scanned him from top to bottom, hostility was obvious throughout. She then looked passed Castiel and noticed Gabriel and Luke.

“Ah so Luke brought Gabby here. How very sweet!”

“Don’t call me that.” Gabriel hissed from behind.

“It’s such a shame that Michael couldn’t be here. We could have had a family reunion! Then he went crashing at the bottom of a cliff while that insolent Dean watched- how tragic!” Anna pouted sarcastically which made the blood in Castiel’s veins boil.

“How could you sister? How could you bring such a great deal of harm to our brother?”

“Shut your mouth stupid boy! Don’t you know how to speak to your elders? You should show me some respect!” Anna barked out and pointed an accusatory finger at Castiel.

“But then…” Anna placed the finger to her bottom lip and tapped. “How can someone like you show me some respect? How can any of you?”

She let her right elbow rest on her left forearm while she frantically tapped her bottom lip and paced hastily around the room. Castiel almost wondered as to who this person was.

“You sided with him. You all sided with him! How could you?” The last part sounded almost like a whisper to herself.

Despite his anger toward Anna, he felt a great deal of sorrow for how much his sister had fallen. Fallen into derangement. “Sister-,”

“I am not your sister!” Anna suddenly shouted and slammed her hands on the glass.

Castiel jolted, his arms covered his chest in self-defense even though Anna couldn’t possibly reach him. She was behind bulletproof glass. All he needed to do was remember.

“None of you are my siblings! None of you!” Anna hissed with her head bowed down and hair almost covering her entire face. Her hands remained on the glass with the nails digging and almost scratching.

“You all betrayed me. I did everything. Everything to keep this family strong but you abandoned me. You shunned me for that worthless, loathsome and good-for-nothing Dean Winchester!” She slammed her hands on the glass again which made Castiel wince.

“Michael got what was coming to him! He was the one who brought Dean into our family. He was the one who let that plague into our lives! He tore us apart! And as fate would have it, you fell in love with him as well! I nearly died from disappointment when I found out that you were just as weak as Michael! You were also ensnared by that surly Winchester! No wonder you were so quick to shun your own sister- just like Michael, you are not above discarding family over some useless worm! I’m glad he wasn’t in his precious car when I rammed it off the cliff. I did what I had to do and that is to deliver justice!”

“No!” Castiel protested. “You were the one who tore this family apart! People’s lives were destroyed and almost lost! You are wrong Anna! Everything- from Michael’s suffering to everyone’s, including your own was caused by no one else but you! You were the one who chose to ruin Michael’s life, you chose to toy with human lives and in return- you deserve to be shunned! How dare you place the blame on anyone else when you’ve done nothing but hurt and destroy!”

“Foolish child! I don’t expect you to understand! For the life and riches that was stripped from me! I did what any loving sister would do to her family- and it’s to protect them from those who would otherwise bring everything to ruin! He deserves to lose Michael and Michael deserved to die! If I had the opportunity again, I would repeat it endlessly. No amount of suffering can compensate for the crimes you have all committed against me! I am righteous and you all should be behind this glass!” Anna screamed as she began to slam her fists on the glass’ surface.

Castiel almost began to cry when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Let us go. She is lost to us. Possibly forever.” Lucifer whispered and to Castiel’s right, he saw Gabriel plead with his eyes.

Castiel turned to his sister who was kicking and screaming at them. The sound of thumping was heard in between her screech, as well as nails scratching the surface.

Whoever this person at the other side of the glass was unknown to Castiel. The sister whom she loved and cared for was no longer here with them. She was lost and possibly forever.

Castiel gave a slight nod before turning around. The gesture only seemed to make Anna’s shouting louder as threats began to spout off her lips.

“You let me out of here brother! I swear to you! I will not stop with Michael! I will kill you all!” Anna screeched some more but Castiel did not turn around. It was only right that Luke had imprisoned her here.

The asylum where the Novak family imprisoned their enemies was a sealed compound with security and cameras surveying the entire area.  It gave the impression that whatever was inside was inhuman and should be kept far away from society.

Finally, Castiel was convinced that Anna being there was for her own good.

When they arrived back to the hospital, Castiel found Dean in Michael’s room, holding his older brother’s hand. Ever since their conversation, Dean had not left Michael’s side and it was only right. Castiel knew what his ex-boyfriend felt about his older brother, it was only right that he stood out of the way.

However, their lives have been through so much. All because of the lies and secrets they made and kept from each other.

This time, Castiel intended to change things. Michael and Dean had been kept in the darkness for too long. It was time to set things right.

“Dean…”

The Winchester rose from his seat, reluctantly let go of Michael’s hand.

“Dean, Luke and I need to tell you something. Something about what happened between you and Michael.”

Dean raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a long story.” Castiel sat on the bed next to Michael. His brother looked at peace despite being covered with bandages.

“I shall start from the beginning, from the time when you and Michael separated all those years ago.” Luke started.

***

**-Michael-**

“Dean!”

Castiel was the person that Michael saw when he woke up.

Everything hurt at first and all he could distinguish in the background was Castiel frantically calling the hospital staff. Michael was met with tears and a warm hug, one he thought he’d never feel again.

He thought he was never going to see his family and friends again. All of them.

The very least, he had not forgotten them.

With that, he was eternally grateful.

***

 

Everyone gathered around Michael, bringing gifts and good will. The room was almost too crowded, Gabriel’s rowdiness alone was an uproar. Except, there was one person missing.

Nevertheless, Michael was grateful that everyone was there. Not just his brothers but as well as the Winchesters. John, Mary and Sam were all there to see him. And Bobby, the old man almost raised a hand at Michael for making him and everyone worry.

It was a strange feeling, knowing what was inside the hearts of the people around him. If someone were to tell Michael that his family and Dean’s would all be in the same room for him several years ago, he would have had them arrested for insanity.

But now, there they were. Gabriel, Luke and Castiel were before him. Tessa pleaded for Gabriel to calm down while Raphael explained Michael’s condition to him. Castiel and Luke listened as well. When Michael asked as to what caused the accident, he was blatantly ignored.  He let it go for now as Gabriel started to squeeze him in a tight hug. It was another strange feeling to receive this much attention from his family.

They all were. Every single person in the room contributed to Michael’s recovery.

When all was said, and done, Michael was finally given room to breathe. His tiredness was evident as pointed out by Tessa and Castiel. Despite this, he tried not to overthink about Dean’s absence.

Instead, he noticed the beautiful bunch of peonies in a vase next to him.

Then it didn’t take long before sleep took him.

***

 

When he woke up, Tessa and Castiel were in his room. They were mid-conversation when he opened his eyes. Their voices were soft and low, probably to not wake him. However, Michael had too much sleep and he wouldn’t mind joining the land of the living.

“Michael, you’re awake!” Tessa exclaimed with a startled expression.

Michael groaned as he tried to sit up from the bed. His injuries ached but not as much as they did. They were in the road to recovery at least. Tessa assisted him with the help of Castiel. Being helped by others was still strange to him but it needed more time to get used to.

After Tessa left to fetch Michael’s breakfast, Castiel shared everything that happened since he last slept. Not much had happened apparently. Save for Castiel and Sam’s preparation to go to San Francisco.

So far, Michael was glad that Castiel had not mentioned Dean.

He knew in his heart that Dean remained a delicate subject and he wasn’t sure how he was going to face the Winchester should he come to the hospital. Perhaps he never came to the hospital, which was understandable, given everything that happened.

Then Michael found out about the peonies.

“Dean brought them here for you.” Castiel pointed out just as Tessa arrived with his breakfast. He sat on a chair next to Michele’s bed. Michael was rendered speechless and immobilized while Tessa set his food on the table next to the bed. Castiel also remained silent and waited until Tessa left the room before speaking again.

He told Michael to eat his breakfast as he needed to regain his strength. It seemed too strange that their roles shifted. Nonetheless, Michael appreciated the support.

Castiel remained quiet while he ate. Michael could tell that his brother had something else to say but would rather wait for him to finish eating. When Michael was finished, he couldn’t finish everything. Either his stomach was still recovering from the accident or he was too nervous to continue. Perhaps it was both.

“He was here every day while you remained unconscious. It was a shame that I asked him to get a change of clothes when you wake up. It was the reason why I was here when you woke up.”

“Oh…” Michael feigned disinterest, despite feeling all sorts of emotions right now.

One of them, was anxiety.

“Castiel, I would like to know what happened-,”

“He’s outside right now.” Castiel quickly interrupted, as if to avoid the topic altogether.

“He is?” Because of shock, Michael was unable to press forward with the subject of the accident.

“He has a few things to explain to you. Things that I’ve been told.”

“Such as?” Michael gave a speculative brow.

“Things regarding everything that’s happened.” Castiel pushed out with a sigh and Michael was relieved to hear that he was going to receive an explanation. “I believe that you are long due with the truth, about what really happened between you and Dean all those years ago, and now with the accident. I think it’s best if you hear it from Dean. He was there when you crashed with the Impala…”

Castiel reached for Michael’s hand and held it firmly.

“I hope you know that I love you very much.” His baby brother began to tear up. “Everything that’s happened was not entirely your fault. So, I hope you can promise me to forgive- to forgive yourself.  Please Michael, promise me that you’ll forgive yourself for everything that’s happened.”

Michael was even more confused now that ever however he nodded nonetheless.

“Yes of course Castiel. Anything for you.”

Reassured, Castiel smiled softly and allowed Michael to wipe his tears off.

“Very well. I shall let Dean inside.” Castiel gently stood up and headed to the door.

When he opened it, he let Dean inside though they merely glanced at each other for a moment. They were not as affectionate as they usually were.

Castiel walked outside and closed the door behind Dean.

Coincidentally, the Winchester wore the very clothes that he wore the day he was in an accident. Whether it was intentional was unknown to Michael.

And now, both were alone.

“How’re you feeling?” Dean turned to him and asked.

“I’m recovering with each day.” Michael answered. The other man sighed in relief before heading to the chair where Castiel previously sat.

“You didn’t lose any memories, did you? Don’t tell me we’re gonna go through the same thing as I did?” Dean asked and Michael chuckled in response.

“No. We are fortunate to not thread the same path again.” Michael answered and both of them started laughing again. Luke didn’t laugh. He merely stood there

Michael was wondering what else to say when he noticed the flowers.

“Thank you for peonies. Castiel told me that you brought them for me.”

A scarlet blush spread across Dean’s face.

“I told him not to tell you that!” Dean groaned which Michael found adorable.

“They are very thoughtful. Thank you.” Michael glanced at the plants for one more time before turning to Dean again.

“Castiel also said that you two have something to tell me.”

“Yeah I do. What else did Cas tell you?” Dean asked and Michael shook his head.

“Nothing more. Save for a small hint that it has something to do with what happened years ago…I also assume that it is something about the accident? Whenever I ask the question, the answer seems to slip away from me.”

A grim expression appeared on Dean’s face as if he was about to share a news as horrid as death itself.

“Michael…” Dean swallowed thickly. “There’s something you should know. Something about you and me and the whole thing with Adam…”

Michael was taken aback. It was beyond him as to how the incident with Adam was relative to the accident.

“You see…”

***

(…immediately after the accident, Cas and your brothers went to look for the person responsible for attempting to kill you.)

“What did you say?” Dean’s mouth gaped in shock.

“It’s the truth. It was Anna who thrusted Adam to Michael that night all those years ago. And it was her who told Adam to lie to you. She did it all so she could pull the two of you apart.” Castiel held his index fingers together then separated them.

“She did all that?” Dean turned to the older Novak.

Luke nodded lowly. “When she tore you two apart the first time, I couldn’t sit idly by and watch her continue to destroy Michael’s life. So, I had her banished from the family and make it so that she ran away, just as our father did.”

With a pained expression, Castiel noted. “When I found out about this, I went to see her for myself. I needed to hear her admit what she did wrong and hoped for her change of heart but instead…”

Luke intervened. “She decided to go all crazy and ram the Impala off the cliff. With Michael in it, though she hoped that you were in it as well.”

“I can’t…I can’t believe this.” Dean shook his head in disbelief.

“It might be hard to digest it at first, however you not need worry about her. She cannot harm anyone ever again. I will make sure of that.” Luke crossed his arms with a hard expression on his face.

“What-,”

Castiel sat on Michael’s bed. “It’s the truth Dean. She admitted everything to me right before Michael’s accident. She admitted that she hated Michael for having feelings for you. She didn’t want Michael to choose who he wishes to love. She wanted him to do as he is told. So she made sure of it. I am-,”

Tears began to build in Cas’ eyes.

“I am very sorry Dean. I am very sorry that I have such a cruel sister. I am so sorry for what happened to you. To both of you.” Dean’s ex-boyfriend placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder and wept deeply.

After hearing all this, Dean was rendered quiet for a moment before storming out of the room. Out of the hospital and drove his father’s car somewhere. Anywhere, just so he could be alone to think about everything that happened.

(At first, I couldn’t handle the news. I left you and Cas for a while to think about everything that happened. About all the heart-break and suffering that we’ve been through and realized that-,)

***

“-it’s fucked.” Dean said in a whisper.

“What happened to us was a huge mess. Lots of people got involved…and hurt. Innocent people. Not just you and me…” Dean’s right hand reached for his chest, above his heart.

Though Michael was listening, he couldn’t help but hear Castiel’s words in his head.

_‘Everything that’s happened was not entirely your fault.’_

“Michael…” Dean tried grabbing his attention however Michael’s mind remained elsewhere. He tried to make sense of everything. About the fact that it was his sister Anna, who had done all this. He could not believe that she would go so far and to such great lengths.

_‘So, I hope you can promise me to forgive- to forgive yourself.’_

Dean cleared his throat to try and get his attention again. “I also have to tell you…”

_‘Please Michael, promise me that you’ll forgive yourself for everything that’s happened.’_

Michael was having trouble breathing, as if his air pipes were tightening up and suffocating him voluntarily.

“Cas and I are no longer getting married.”

Then it stopped.

“What?” Michael managed to push out.

“Yeah, we cancelled it. Everything. All the prep we’ve been doing, which wasn’t much, it’s canceled. It’s done. It’s over.” Dean bowed his head as if ashamed about something.

In disbelief again, Michael could only shake his head. “No, that can’t be.”

“We broke up.”

Then there was the worst part.

“No-,”

Dean scratched the back of his head. “Well it was more like Cas dumped me. I pushed against it of course but he stood by with what he said and was sure…he said that it was for the best. Best for the two of us. So I gave up.”

“W-Why? Why would you do that?” Michael’s bottom lip began to tremble.

“Because…because I still…”

Michael wanted to leave. He didn’t want to be there nor did he want to hear it. He had to see Castiel. He had to set things right.

“I still love you.”

He didn’t wish to believe them.

“No, Dean…”

“I do! Dammit Michael! I do!” Dean bit out and frantically gestured his hand to reassure him.

“You don’t know what you’re saying-,” Michael continued to tremble as the words continued to reverberate his very core.

“It’s the truth! Even after everything that’s happened. Even after finding out what happened- your sister, Adam, the amnesia, everything- I still can’t help myself from falling-,”

He wished they didn’t sound so real.

“Enough! Stop this Dean-,”

Dean shut him up with a kiss to the lips. The lips also felt too real. It felt that this was real.

“I love you Michael. I always have and I always will. Even if it’s taken me this long to snap out of it- with being stubborn and all- I can’t…” Dean’s eyes were glassy, almost as if he was about to cry.

“Just the thought of losing you nearly killed me. I couldn’t- I couldn’t give a shit about what happened between us, for the lies you made for the hurting I gave. I let go of everything, everything- my pride, Cas, my anger, everything. I let go of it all just for you.”

Michael whispered breathlessly. “Y-you…”

“You weren’t just my first love. I’m still madly in love with you Michael Novak. And I will love you for so long as you will have me.” Dean carefully took Michael’s right hand and placed it on his chest.

“Be mine?”

Michael could feel Dean’s heart beat under through his hands. Dean’s heart was beating fast. It was beating for him and there was nobody in the world that could convince him otherwise.

His heart was crying out to say the words back.

“No.”

Dean’s head retracted back slightly, he was clearly shattered judging by the look on his face.

“No?” The Winchester asked just to be sure.

“You can’t- you can’t be with me Dean.”

Michael refused to look into Dean’s eyes as he said those words.

“What are you talking about?” Dean tried to catch his gaze but Michael merely dodged.

“We can’t be together.” Michael shook his head with his eyes closed. He couldn’t bear to look at Dean in the eyes right now.

“And why not?” He heard Dean painfully ask.

“Because-,” Michael thought about his answer carefully at first. Then he realized how simple it was. “Because I’m not the right person for you.”

“The hell is that kind of reason? You can’t just dictate who is right for me and who’s not! If you say it’s Cas- I’ll slap you across your stupid face!” Dean pointed a threating finger at him.

“He is!” Dean slapped him hard across the face.

Nonetheless, Michael rebounded and used his left forearm to block out Dean’s right hand.

“Don’t you get it Dean! You and I both know that he is more suitable and deserving of you than I’ll ever be.”

Dean slapped him with his left hand instead.

“So what? So what if he is? I still choose to be with you! I fucking choose it because it’s what my freaking heart tells me alright? And there’s nothing you or anyone can say otherwise!” Dean jabbed a finger on Michael’s chest, over his heart. That area was still painfully sensitive from the accident.

Michael narrowed his eyes and growled back. “Then think! Use your head and think about everything that happened up until now. Being with me, it’s brought you to dangerous situations, perilous conditions in which you don’t have to be-,”

Dean refused by shaking his head frantically.

“No- no dammit Michael, you’re not gonna use that argument-,”

“Yes I will! Don’t you get it? As long as I am the head of this Family, as long as I’m a Novak, and as long as I am committed to this identity, it will not end. I doubt that my sister will be the last person who will try to control me and stand in the way.” Michael pointed at the door.

“No-,”

“Listen Dean, I’ve made up my mind, long ago. Even before you returned to my life, I decided to commit myself to protecting and serving this family. It was what I decided to do with my life because loving you, loving you has only caused you such suffering…and we both know that I cannot bear being the source of your pain and so, it’s better this way.”

Dean continued to shake his head.

“No it’s not.”

Still, a frown formed on Michael’s face as he had to admit this truth all over again.

“I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if I ever put your life in mortal danger again.”

This time,  Dean stopped shaking his head and clutched his chest instead.

“I love you.” He tightened the grip on his chest.  “Isn’t that enough? Forget everything else. Can we just be in love without thinking about what everyone else thinks?”

Michael bowed his head in shame. “I am afraid that cannot be in this lifetime.”

“Cas said that. You and him said the same thing.” That information caused Michael to look back up again. Then Dean asked. “Why? Why can’t it be in this lifetime?”

“Because it was a losing battle right from the start. Please Dean. Be with someone who has their life together. Someone who can give you the stability that you deserve.” Michael reached for Dean’s shoulders.

“Damn you Michael. You’re really not gonna let up, stubborn bastard.” Dean narrowed his eyes but continued to cry.

“Believe me, this is as much to me as it is to you.” A false chuckle left Michael’s throat.

“No, no I don’t think you do.”

Dean muttered softly then Michael sighed deeply.

“Then I must ask you to leave. I need you to go away for I have committed too much sin to every aspect of you. To the first Dean that I met, the Dean who didn’t know who I was, and to the current you. I have committed such terrible sins to all of you. So please, leave me be. The memory of you is enough.”

“Not for me.” Dean bitterly stated.

“No, but it is my choice. I am afraid that you cannot be in my life. For both our sakes. I wish, I wish to make peace with the demons that I’ve created.” Michael’s right hand reached for his chest this time and clutched tightly.

“When you do, can I come back?” Dean questioned, his voice sounded desperate.

“It’s hard to say, for now, I doubt it or you should. It’s a high cost to pay, being who I am.”

“And so is being myself.”

That made Michael raise his eyebrow. “How so?”

Dean turned away from him and stared at the flowers he brought Michael. “Because I’ve done everything that I can think of to be with you. I’ve put my pride and anger aside just so I can hear you say you love me back but as you said, it’s hopeless.”

“Not entirely.” Michael shook his head and grabbed ahold of Dean’s chin.

He turned the Winchester’s head to face him.

“I love you.” Michael admitted. Wholeheartedly.

“I’ll say it again so you never forget.” Michael stared right into those candy apple green eyes which he loved so much.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I always have and I always will. I will love you til the day I die and should I be born in a different life, I pray that I meet you again so I can love you again. I never wish to forget.”

He leaned over, using all the strength he could muster even at his state, to kiss Dean in the lips. The kiss tasted like nothing else before. It was bittersweet and almost full of sorrow.

Nevertheless, Michael loved every second of it. When he broke the kiss, he whispered to Dean, “Loving you has been the best and worst thing that I’ve ever done, still I made no regrets. And though I cannot be the man in your arms, I can be the man who loves you more than anyone could ever love anyone.”

Then he rested his back on the pillow behind him. He has a hand on Dean’s lefty cheek, caressing the freckled skin with his thumb.

“And which is why this is good-bye. Live your life without me. Build a new one if need be. Be happy. Do this and I’ll know that you truly love me back.”

Dean pulled his face away and stomped toward the door. He stopped just as he opened the door then turned to Michael for one last time.

“This isn’t over.” Dean spitefully said but Michael felt no guilt. He could only reply to those words with a fond smile.

“It is. Thank you for being my first love, Dean Winchester. This is the last time I’ll break your heart.”

A whimper escaped Dean before slamming the door behind him.

Finally, Michael was alone again. Amidst the emptiness of the room, he appreciated the company of a bunch of peonies. They were delicate and serene. He never wished for them to lose their color, but they will.

As all things, he had come to love over the years, those flowers too would fade away.

So the warm pink petals continued to brighten the room, with it, liven the very patient they were brought for.

He cried there and then. Warm fat tears trailed down his face but he continued to smile, as if to admit to himself that everything was alright and nothing hurt.

Nothing hurt at all.

***

 

Almost a week since Michael woke up, he had lost as much weight as he lost bandages. He had not been taking care of himself these past few months but he intended to change that. He had not seen Dean since their last talk. Everyone continued to visit him though. John and Mary would visit and bring homemade cooking which Michael had fallen in love with over the years. Gabriel and Sam visited together, telling every minute detail of their home in San Francisco. Bobby stopped by several times, to fill Michael in of Dean’s status, though the Winchester didn’t act beyond what they both expected. He moped and sulked around the garage like a heart-broken teenager. Things hadn’t changed. Castiel visited the most out of everyone. Sometimes he visited with Gabriel and they would arrange things for Michael. Things of which he intended to share with Luke who was last to visit. His brother visited on the very last day, the day when Michael would be discharged from the hospital.

Luke entered Michael’s room and stood next to Michael. Michael was on a wheelchair and Luke volunteered to take care of him so Gabriel and Castiel could go to San Francisco.

Michael was staring at the blue sky and saw a single plane soar in the vast blue. That was the plane where Gabriel, Sam, Castiel…and Dean was on.

“So you’re really letting go. For real this time.” Luke was first to break the silence.

Michael took a moment before answering. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry.” Luke stated then Michael turned to his brother.

“For what?” the man on the wheelchair asked.

“For a lot of things.” Luke finally faced his brother.

“More specifically?” Michael’s eyebrow raised.

“Well how do I begin?” A deep sigh escaped Luke.

“For starters, I didn’t tell you that I knew Anna’s whereabouts the entire time and what sort of life I’ve made for her.”

Michael stared blankly at his brother before nodding slowly. “Oh I see. I know that already.”

“What, you knew already?” With a gasp, Luke placed a hand on his chest as if almost taken aback.

“Castiel told me.” Michael replied.

“Darn. What else did he tell you?”

“That you kept her part of the fortune, or at least the financial side of it. You used her own share to imprison and force her to live a life as a normal citizen. You even used your assets to cover her tracks so that my resources were unable to find traces of any transactions, made by our sister. In order to do this, you exposed her to the rest of the Family, used my familial affections with her to keep them quiet and process the transfer, to make it seem like Anna claimed her money through bribery.” Michael outlined briefly while Luke nodded along.

“Didn’t think Castiel was able to do all that by himself.”

Michael corrected. “He didn’t have to do much. I’ve had Gabriel investigate the matter as well. With the help of Sam and Castiel, they were able to identify everyone involved.”

“Everyone? You mean even-,”

Michael interrupted. “Yes. Everyone. All the Seven heads of the Novak families. I have Raphael send invitations out for a Family Meeting. There will be a great deal of reckoning.”

Luke was rendered speechless for a moment. He fidgeted from where he stood for a moment while Michael gazed upon the plane in the sky.

“Michael…I’m…Before you go all bat-shit crazy, I’ll have you know-,”

Michael intervened again. “Thank you.”

Blinkingly, Luke raised an eyebrow at his brother. “What?”

“Thank you, brother. Out of everyone, you placed my needs first above everything else. You cleaned up my mess even though you didn’t have to.”

The plane was already at the zenith of its flight. It was only a matter of minutes before Michael would lose sight of it.

“My my my Michael…you’re not actually mad for all the scheming and plotting I did?” Luke flamboyantly gestured at himself.

“I am more impressed than scorned. You were a more effective Godfather than I for quite some time.” Michael commented without removing his eyes from the plane.

“Well you’ve been too preoccupied with Dean to place Anna as the same category as a Family enemy. She wasn’t just gonna stop with you, she wanted everyone’s heads on a platter.” Luke turned to the sky again and saw the plane.

“I was told. Castiel, Gabriel and I are still finding it hard to believe that she has fallen so far.” Michael took a moment to look away from the plane and sky. But only for a moment and nothing more.

“Not all demons wear horns brother.” Luke muttered.

“And not all angels wear halos.” Michael professed.

“Precisely.”

The plane was beginning to disappear in the clouds but it was still within their line of sight.

“I am going to pay her a visit. Our sister I mean.”

“You are.” Luke clarified almost disappointedly.

“When I have recovered, I shall visit her in the compound. I will have her admit to her crimes to me, if she is psychologically able to.”

“She’s an even worse case than myself brother. Than any of us. We must exercise caution. There’s only so much a bulletproof glass can imprison.” For only a moment, Luke turned to Michael.

“I shall keep that in mind.” Michael nodded then the plane was finally gone. There was only bright blue and white left to see.

“So this is the end for you? The long hard road has brought you here. To defeat?” Luke continued to speak while watching the sky with Michael.

“Not all battles are worth winning Lucifer. Not all romances should be pursued. I have had my chance. The first was enough. This is the most appropriate ending that I can think of.” Michael answered and hoped the plane would turn around.

“Being bed-ridden in a hospital while the love of your life flies to the other side of the country with our baby brother isn’t the ending I thought the great Michael Novak deserves. Gabriel could write better endings.” Luke chuckled but he didn’t really feel like laughing.

“That might be so, however, this is enough. I only pray Dean can find it in himself to move on. As I will do the same.” Michael feigned a smile for he knew his brother was looking at him.

“If you say so.” Luke nodded then returned his eyes to the sky.

“Lucifer…”

“Yeah?” Luke turned to his brother again.

“Can you hold me? Please?” Michael requested and grabbed ahold of Luke’s shirt sleeve. The last time Michael requested for this was the very next day when their Father left. There was an instance when Michael was staring outside the window, waiting for their Father to return even though he knew that he was never coming back.

Still, he refused to believe it.

“You don’t need to ask twice brother. Or say _please_ for that matter.” Luke turned his whole body to Michael and crouched over to wrap his arms around Michael’s neck.

That was when the crying started.

“There there brother mine. You’re not alone. Not anymore.”

The crying started just as it did when they were children.

“I love him.” Michael admitted as he watched the clear blue sky, waiting.

“Shh shh. I know. I know. He knows. The rest of the world knows you do. There isn’t anyone I know who has loved greater than you, or sacrificed so much.” Luke too started to tear up, however, he kept them very hush and almost too subtle for Michael to notice.

“I love him so much…” Michael continued crying, fat tears tracing down his face as he waited for the plane to reappear.

“Yes. Yes you do. And that’s why you let him go. You let him go because you love him.”

Michael didn’t look away from the sky, not even if he wanted to.

“I can’t stop-,”

“Not even for a second. And you deserve to be together. Don’t ever forget that.”

And that was it. That was how Michael Novak said good-bye to his first love.

Even though the entire world proclaimed that the two lovers belonged together, that they deserve each other, there was always a choice. A person can choose otherwise just as Michael did.

And he chose with no regrets.

Well maybe just a little. But only his brother Lucifer knows this.

For nobody would dare say that Michael Novak fell short of love.

Unless you’re Michael Novak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the Final Chapter, I repeat, this is not the Final Chapter
> 
> How did you like the way I wrapped up the lose ends of the story?  
> Were you impressed by the characters and their roles?  
> What themes struck you the most? I know there's more than one in this 12 000 word beast of a chapter. 
> 
> Michael/Dean fans and any fan of this story will be rewarded in the next chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be drawings in this fic from yours truly. I'm still trying to get used to writing smut so please bear with me. 
> 
> Again, I'm from Sydney Australia so there might be some incomprehensible terminology, I apologize in advance. 
> 
> Please leave Kudos, Comments and Subscribe for more updates!  
> Enjoy xoxo


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